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My Mother-In-Law Was Draining My Bank Account Behind My Back So I Had His Entire Family Removed O... — Transcript

by Patient Revenge Stories · 3,690 words · 585 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00The morning I found out my mother in law
0:01had spent nearly $19,000 of my money
0:04without telling me. She was sitting at
0:06my kitchen table eating the breakfast I
0:09had made her.
0:10I had been married to my husband Owen
0:11Barfield for 4 years. We lived in a
0:14three-bedroom house in suburban
0:15Columbus, Ohio. A house I had put the
0:18down payment on using money I had saved
0:20for 6 years working as a hospital
0:21administrator. Owen was a contractor,
0:24hard working most of the time, but his
0:26income came in waves. Some months were
0:28good, others weren't. I never held that
0:30against him. What I held against him
0:32when the truth finally came out was
0:34something I hadn't even imagined I
0:36needed to protect myself from.
0:38Owen's mother, Ruth Ann Barfield, had
0:40moved into our guest room 18 months into
0:42our marriage. It was supposed to be
0:44temporary. Her landlord had raised the
0:46rent on her apartment in Dayton, and she
0:48said she needed just a few months to get
0:49back on her feet.
0:51I said yes without hesitation. She was
0:53family. That's what you do.
0:55Owen also had a younger brother, Derek
0:57Barfield, who lived about 40 minutes
0:59away and called every other week with a
1:00new problem. Car repairs, overdue
1:03utilities, a deposit for an apartment he
1:05never actually moved into. And there was
1:07Owen's cousin Paulette, who wasn't
1:10technically immediate family, but had
1:12practically grown up in the Barfield
1:13house and treated my home like a second
1:16living room.
1:17For a long time I told myself this was
1:19just what it looked like to marry into a
1:21close-knit family. I had grown up as an
1:23only child with parents who were careful
1:25with money almost to a fault. Owen's
1:27family was warm and loud and always
1:29present, and I mistook that for love.
1:31The first sign something was wrong came
1:33in the form of a text message.
1:36I was at work reviewing staffing
1:37schedules when my phone buzzed with a
1:39bank alert. A debit of $312 from our
1:41joint checking account. I didn't
1:43recognize the merchant. I texted Owen.
1:46He replied a few minutes later, "Mom
1:48needed stuff for the house. I'll explain
1:49later."
1:50He didn't explain later. I let it go.
1:53Over the next 2 months there were more
1:54charges. $178,
1:57$89. Each time I asked, Owen had an
2:00explanation. Groceries, a medication
2:02Ruth Ann needed that wasn't fully
2:04covered by her insurance, a repair to
2:06the guest bathroom. The amounts were
2:07small enough that I kept talking myself
2:09out of being suspicious. I kept telling
2:11myself I was being ungrateful that Ruth
2:13Ann was living with us and contributing
2:15in other ways, cooking some dinners,
2:18watching our dog when we traveled.
2:20Then I had a week off work in April and
2:22I spent part of it going through our
2:23finances properly for the first time in
2:26months.
2:27I sat down with my laptop at the kitchen
2:29table on a Tuesday afternoon while Ruth
2:31Ann was out and Owen was at a job site.
2:34I pulled up every bank statement going
2:35back eight months. I opened a
2:37spreadsheet and started categorizing
2:39charges.
2:40By the time I was done, I had identified
2:42$18,740
2:43that I couldn't account for.
2:45Not grocery runs or bathroom repairs,
2:47real money, significant money. Charges
2:50at department stores I had never set
2:51foot in, a charge at a jewelry counter,
2:54multiple charges at a home decor shop
2:56three towns over, two separate charges
2:58to what turned out to be a furniture
2:59consignment business in Westerville,
3:01charges to a nail salon Ruth Ann
3:03mentioned once in passing, two transfers
3:05to an account I didn't recognize, one
3:07for $2,000, one for $900.
3:10I sat very still for a long time.
3:13Then I went upstairs and opened the
3:14closet in the guest room. I wasn't
3:16snooping. I told myself I was just
3:18looking. On the shelf above the hanging
3:20bar, behind a stack of folded blankets,
3:22I found three shopping bags. Inside them
3:24were items still tagged, a cashmere
3:26sweater, two decorative candles, a small
3:28framed print. Nothing expensive on its
3:31own, but they weren't mine.
3:33I took photos of everything. I put the
3:35bags back exactly as I had found them.
3:37That evening at dinner, I watched Ruth
3:39Ann eat. She was pleasant. She asked
3:41about my week. She told a story about a
3:43neighbor she'd run into at the pharmacy.
3:45Owen laughed at all the right moments. I
3:47smiled. I said almost nothing.
3:50After dinner, when Ruth Ann went
3:51upstairs, I sat down with Owen at the
3:53kitchen table and placed my laptop in
3:55front of him.
3:57I need you to look at this.
3:59He glanced at the spreadsheet. His jaw
4:01tightened slightly. What is this?
4:03Charges from our joint account. Almost
4:05$19,000 over 8 months. I need you to
4:08tell me what these are.
4:10He leaned back. I told you about most of
4:12these.
4:13You told me about $150 in groceries and
4:16a bathroom repair. You didn't tell me
4:18about the furniture store in
4:20Westerville. You didn't tell me about
4:22the jewelry counter. You didn't tell me
4:24about two wire transfers to an account
4:26I've never seen before.
4:28He was quiet.
4:29Owen, I kept my voice steady. What
4:31account is that?
4:32He rubbed the back of his neck. Derek's.
4:35I stared at him. You sent Derek $200
4:38without asking me?
4:39He was going to lose his car.
4:41That is not the point. I pressed my
4:43fingers flat on the table. The point is
4:45that you didn't ask me. This is my
4:47money, too.
4:48It's our money.
4:50That's exactly what I just said. He
4:53looked at the screen again. I watched
4:55him calculating something. Some exit
4:57from the conversation. Then he said,
4:59"Some of those charges are Mom's."
5:01Everything in the room went very quiet.
5:03What do you mean, some of those charges
5:05are Mom's?
5:07She needed things. She didn't want to
5:08ask you directly.
5:10So, she used our debit card.
5:12I told her she could.
5:14I felt the blood drain from my face. You
5:17told her she could use our account
5:18without telling me.
5:20She lives here, Elaine. She contributes.
5:23That was my name, Elaine. He said it the
5:25way people say it when they're trying to
5:27make you feel unreasonable.
5:29She contributes by spending my money at
5:31a home decor store. I kept my voice
5:33even. By buying cashmere sweaters and
5:35putting them in shopping bags in her
5:37closet.
5:38He went still. You went through her
5:40room.
5:41I went into the guest room of my house.
5:43I pulled up the photos on my phone and
5:45set it in front of him. These are still
5:47tagged. She didn't buy these for the
5:48house. She bought them for herself.
5:51Owen looked at the photos for a long
5:53moment. He didn't deny it.
5:55"How long has this been going on?" I
5:56asked.
5:58He didn't answer.
5:59"Owen, how long?"
6:01He finally looked at me. "She's my
6:03mother."
6:04That was not an answer, but in some ways
6:06it was the only answer I needed.
6:08I didn't sleep that night.
6:10I lay on my side of the bed listening to
6:12Owen breathe and thinking about the 6
6:14years I had spent saving for the down
6:16payment on this house. I thought about
6:18the $23,000 my grandmother had left me
6:20when she passed, half of which had gone
6:22into our emergency fund. I thought about
6:25every time I had transferred money to
6:27Owen's family without being asked twice,
6:29every holiday I had covered, every time
6:31I had said yes before he even finished
6:33the sentence.
6:34I had never once thought of myself as
6:36someone being used. I thought of myself
6:38as someone who was generous.
6:40The next morning, I got up early, made
6:42coffee, and called my older sister June
6:44before Ruth Ann came downstairs.
6:47"I need to talk to you about something."
6:49June had never fully warmed to Owen. She
6:52had never said anything directly, but I
6:54could always feel it. Now I told her
6:56everything, and when I finished, she was
6:57quiet for a moment.
6:59"Elaine," she said carefully, "do you
7:02have a personal account that they don't
7:03have access to?"
7:05"I have a savings account that's just in
7:06my name."
7:08"Okay. Don't touch the joint account.
7:10Don't give any signals that something is
7:11happening, and call a financial advisor
7:14today."
7:15I trusted June. I did exactly what she
7:17said.
7:18That afternoon, while Owen was at work
7:20and Ruth Ann was on the phone in her
7:21room, I drove to a branch of my bank. I
7:23met with an advisor named Karen. I told
7:25her what I had found. I asked what my
7:27options were. She walked me through
7:29everything, and I walked out of there
7:31with a clear picture of what belonged to
7:33me, what was joint, and what I needed to
7:35protect.
7:37Then, I called an attorney.
7:39She was a family law attorney a
7:41colleague had used 2 years earlier. Her
7:43name was Margaret Voss. I had her number
7:45saved in my phone and had never expected
7:47to use it. I explained the situation.
7:49She asked me to send over the bank
7:51statements and the photos I had taken.
7:53I did it from the parking lot of the
7:54bank.
7:55Margaret called me back within the hour.
7:58"There are a few things I want to flag,"
7:59she said. "One of them is urgent."
8:02My stomach dropped. "What is it?"
8:04"The joint account isn't the only
8:06problem. I need you to check whether
8:08your name appears anywhere on any of
8:10your husband's business paperwork."
8:12I drove home, went straight to the
8:14filing cabinet in our home office, and
8:16started looking. Owen had a small
8:18contracting LLC. I had signed a couple
8:20of documents early in our marriage that
8:22I hadn't fully read, trusting that they
8:24were routine.
8:26They were not routine.
8:28One of them, buried under tax filings,
8:30had my signature as a personal guarantor
8:32on a business line of credit. I didn't
8:34remember signing it. I had no memory of
8:36it whatsoever.
8:37I photographed everything and sent it to
8:39Margaret.
8:40She called back that evening. "I need to
8:43ask you something, and I need you to
8:44think carefully.
8:46Do you remember ever agreeing to be
8:47listed as a personal guarantor on his
8:49business credit line?"
8:51"No."
8:52"Is that signature yours?"
8:54I looked at the document again on my
8:56phone. The signature was close, but
8:58there was something slightly off about
9:00it. The way I loop the L in my last
9:02name, I have done it the same way since
9:03middle school.
9:05This loop was wrong.
9:06"I don't think so," I said.
9:09"Then someone may have forged it."
9:11I sat down on the edge of the bed. "What
9:13does that mean for me?"
9:15"It means we move quickly," Margaret
9:16said. "You don't owe that debt, but we
9:19need to get ahead of it."
9:20I thought about Ruth Ann downstairs. I
9:23thought about Owen coming home in 2
9:24hours. I thought about how normal
9:26everything had looked from the outside.
9:29I called June back. "Can I stay with you
9:30for a few days?"
9:32"You don't even have to ask."
9:34That night, after Owen fell asleep, I
9:36quietly moved my most important
9:38documents into a tote bag. My passport,
9:40my social security card, the deed to the
9:42house, which was in my name alone,
9:44because I had purchased it before we
9:45married, the original paperwork from my
9:47grandmother's estate, my laptop, a few
9:50changes of clothes.
9:52I left before sunrise.
9:54Owen called at 7:00 a.m. I didn't
9:55answer. He called again at 7:15. Then he
9:58texted, "Elaine, where are you? Mom said
10:00your car is gone."
10:01I was sitting at June's kitchen table
10:03drinking coffee when I read it.
10:06I typed back, "I know about the account,
10:08Owen. I know about the guarantor
10:09document. I know about all of it. Please
10:11don't call me again today."
10:13He called 11 more times before noon. I
10:16didn't answer any of them.
10:17At 2:00 p.m. I got a text from Ruth Ann.
10:20I had not given her my number. She must
10:22have taken it from Owen's phone years
10:23ago. The text said, "I don't know what
10:25Owen did or didn't tell you, but I want
10:27to explain myself. Please call me."
10:30I read it twice, then I put my phone
10:32face down on June's coffee table and
10:34went to take a shower.
10:35The explanation could wait. Right now, I
10:37needed to think.
10:39The next few weeks moved fast. Margaret
10:41filed paperwork challenging the
10:43guarantor signature. A handwriting
10:44analysis confirmed it was not mine.
10:47Owen, confronted with this, eventually
10:49admitted that his mother had suggested
10:51he add me to the document just in case,
10:53and that he had signed my name himself
10:55believing, he claimed, that I would
10:57agree if he explained it to me later.
10:59He had never explained it to me.
11:02The financial investigation that
11:03followed was methodical. Every
11:05transaction was traced. The charges on
11:07the joint account that went to Ruth Ann
11:09were documented. The transfers to Derek
11:12were documented. The cash withdrawals
11:14that had gone, according to Owen's
11:16eventual, reluctant accounting, toward a
11:18side debt his mother had run up with a
11:20private lender were documented.
11:22Three weeks after I left, Margaret
11:24called me with one more piece of
11:26information.
11:27"The lender Ruth Ann owed money to," she
11:29said, "Your husband was routing payments
11:32through your joint account to cover it.
11:33He had been doing it for almost a year.
11:36I was in my car in the parking garage of
11:38my office building when she told me. I
11:40had gone back to work by then because
11:42working helped me feel steady.
11:44"How much?" I asked.
11:46"Combined with the personal spending and
11:48the transfers to Derek, you're looking
11:50at a total of approximately $22,500
11:53that left your accounts without your
11:55knowledge or consent."
11:57I leaned my head back against the
11:58headrest and closed my eyes.
12:00$22,500.
12:03That was 6 months of mortgage payments.
12:05That was my car, almost paid off. That
12:08was the trip to Portugal June and I had
12:09talked about taking for 15 years and
12:11kept putting off.
12:13That was 4 years of trusting someone.
12:15I filed for divorce the following
12:17Monday.
12:18Owen called that evening. I answered
12:20because Margaret had told me it was fine
12:22to communicate and that documentation
12:24was useful.
12:26"I know I messed up," he said. His voice
12:27was rough, like he hadn't slept. "But
12:30Elaine, this didn't have to go this
12:31far."
12:32"You forged my signature on a financial
12:34document."
12:35"I was going to tell you."
12:38"When?"
12:39Silence.
12:41"You were going to tell me when?" I
12:42pressed. "When the debt was paid off?
12:45When it was too late for me to do
12:46anything about it? When?"
12:48"I didn't think you'd be this upset."
12:50I paused. "You didn't think I'd be upset
12:53that someone spent $22,000 of my money?"
12:56"It was our money."
12:58"Owen," I said, "You keep saying that.
13:01You keep saying our money, but when you
13:02were hiding transactions from me, it
13:04wasn't ours. When your mother was using
13:06a debit card I didn't know she had
13:08access to, it wasn't ours. When you
13:09signed my name on a document I never
13:11saw, it wasn't ours. You made it yours
13:14and your family's. That's not how a
13:15marriage works."
13:17He didn't say anything for a moment.
13:18Then, "My mother is devastated."
13:21I thought about Ruth Ann sitting at my
13:23kitchen table eating eggs I had made. I
13:25thought about the shopping bags in the
13:27I thought about the cashmere sweater
13:29still in its original tag.
13:31"She'll survive," I said.
13:33Three days after that call, I drove back
13:35to the house for the first time. I had a
13:37scheduled time with Owen present, as per
13:39Margaret's guidance. When I pulled up,
13:42Ruth Ann's car was in the driveway, too,
13:44which had not been agreed to.
13:46I sat in my car for a moment, then I got
13:48out. Inside, Ruth Ann was standing in
13:50the living room with her hands clasped
13:52in front of her. Derek was there, too,
13:54leaning against the doorframe to the
13:56kitchen. Owen stood near the fireplace.
13:59No one had told me this was going to be
14:01a group conversation.
14:02I looked at all three of them, then I
14:04looked at Owen. This wasn't the
14:06agreement.
14:07I thought, maybe if we all talked
14:10"No." I set my bag down. "This is my
14:12house. My name is on the deed. That's
14:13not in dispute, and I did not agree to a
14:15group meeting."
14:17Ruth Ann stepped forward. "Elaine, I
14:18just want to
14:20"Ruth Ann." I said her name carefully.
14:22"I'm going to need you to stop."
14:24She looked startled. In 4 years, I had
14:26never spoken to her that way.
14:28"I have heard every version of the
14:30explanation I am going to need," I said.
14:32"You had access to money that wasn't
14:33yours. You spent it. Owen covered for
14:36you.
14:37He forged my signature on a legal
14:38document to cover additional debts.
14:40There is nothing any of you can say in
14:42this room that changes what the bank
14:44statements say."
14:45Derek shifted uncomfortably. "Come on,
14:47it was family. Nobody was trying to rip
14:49you off."
14:50I turned to look at him. "$22,500,
14:53Derek. That's not a misunderstanding.
14:56That's a pattern."
14:57He looked away.
14:59I looked back at Owen. "I came to pick
15:01up the rest of my personal documents and
15:03a few things from the office.
15:04I'd like to do that now."
15:06"Elaine, please." His voice cracked. "We
15:08can fix this."
15:09"I needed you to not let it happen," I
15:11said. "That was the fix. You had 4 years
15:13of opportunities."
15:15I went to the home office and collected
15:17what I came for. When I came back
15:19through the living room, Ruth Ann was
15:21sitting on the sofa. She looked smaller
15:23than I remembered.
15:24"I'm sorry." She said quietly.
15:27I stopped. I looked at her for a long
15:29moment.
15:30"I know you are." I said, "and I meant
15:31it." I believed she was sorry in
15:33whatever way she understood sorry, but
15:35I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I didn't look
15:37more carefully at what was happening in
15:39my own house.
15:41I walked out the front door.
15:43The divorce was finalized 7 months
15:45later. The legal challenge to the forged
15:47guarantee was successful, and I was
15:49released from any liability for Owen's
15:51business debt. The joint account was
15:53dissolved, and after accounting for what
15:55had been taken, a settlement was reached
15:57that Owen and his family
15:59frankly, could barely manage.
16:01I didn't take pleasure in that. I want
16:03to be clear about that. I didn't want
16:05them to suffer. I just wanted what was
16:07mine to be mine again.
16:09Ruth Ann had to move out of the house
16:10when it was clear Owen couldn't maintain
16:12the payments alone. She found a rental
16:15apartment in Dayton, closer to Derek.
16:17From what I heard through mutual
16:19acquaintances, things had gotten
16:20significantly tighter for all of them.
16:23I stayed in my house. I painted the
16:25living room a color called sea smoke
16:27that I had picked out years ago and
16:28never gotten around to. I bought a rug I
16:30had been eyeing for 2 years. I got a new
16:32dog, a small brown mutt named Chester,
16:35who took over Owen's side of the bed
16:37within a week and showed no regret about
16:39it.
16:39I also did something I had been putting
16:41off. I sat down with a financial planner
16:43and went through everything. Every
16:45account, every asset, every plan. It
16:47took three sessions. At the end of the
16:49third one, my planner told me that
16:51despite everything, my financial
16:53position was solid. The house was mine
16:55outright. My savings were intact. My
16:57retirement contributions had never been
16:59touched.
17:00"You protected yourself better than you
17:02knew." She said.
17:04I thought about that for a long time.
17:06About 8 months after the divorce, I got
17:08a card in the mail. No return address,
17:11but I recognized the handwriting. It was
17:13from Ruth Ann.
17:14She had written three paragraphs. The
17:16first was an apology. The second was an
17:18explanation I hadn't asked for. The
17:21third was a single sentence that I have
17:22thought about many times since.
17:25It said, "I told myself it was family
17:27money because it was easier than
17:29admitting I was taking from someone who
17:30never would have said no."
17:32I read it sitting at the kitchen table
17:34with Chester curled against my feet. I
17:36read it twice. Then I set it down and
17:38looked out the window at the backyard,
17:40where the maple tree I had planted two
17:42springs ago was finally starting to fill
17:44in.
17:45I didn't write back. Not because I was
17:47angry. I had stopped being angry
17:49somewhere around the fourth month after
17:51everything happened. Right around the
17:53time I realized that carrying it around
17:55was heavier than just setting it down.
17:58I didn't write back because I didn't
18:00have anything to say that would mean
18:01more than what had already been said.
18:03Ruth Ann knew what she had done. Owen
18:06knew what he had done. They were living
18:08with the weight of it now, and that
18:09wasn't my responsibility anymore.
18:12What was my responsibility was the quiet
18:14house I came home to every evening. The
18:16dog who needed walking. The career I had
18:18built. The sister who answered every
18:20call. The small, specific life I was
18:22rebuilding, not from scratch, but from
18:24what had always been there underneath.
18:27It turns out that sometimes the most
18:28patient thing you can do isn't waiting
18:30for someone to change. It's stopping,
18:32looking at exactly what's in front of
18:34you, and deciding that you deserve
18:36better. Not eventually. Not after one
18:38more chance, but right now.
18:40I had been generous with my time, my
18:42home, my money, and my forgiveness for
18:44four years. I didn't regret the
18:46generosity. I regretted believing that
18:48people who take without asking will stop
18:50just because you love them.
18:52They won't. Not until someone makes
18:54them.
18:55That was the hardest thing I had to
18:56learn, and the truest.

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