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My mother-in-law hit my pregnant belly with a bat while the family laughed and said my mom would — Transcript

by Ginger Tales · 6,490 words · 881 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00My mother-in-law hit my pregnant belly
0:02with a bat while the family laughed and
0:03said my mom would never dare set foot in
0:05this mansion. Then a Lamborghini crashed
0:07the gate and a woman in black gloves
0:09stepped out. Dona Carmemella opened her
0:11mouth and for the first time since I'd
0:13known her, nothing came out. She looked
0:15at the bat in her hand like someone else
0:16had put it there. Then she looked at the
0:18five men standing around her garden and
0:20then at the gate which was hanging off
0:21one hinge like a broken tooth. I don't
0:23know who you are, she finally said, but
0:26this is private property. I'm calling
0:27the police. Please do," my mother said.
0:30Although Ernesto already called them,
0:32they're 4 minutes out. The ambulance is
0:34closer. Ernesto came jogging up the
0:36drive with his phone still in his hand.
0:37He didn't go to Dona Carmela, the woman
0:39who signed off on his schedule every
0:41week. He went straight to my mother.
0:42Lisiata, ambulance just turned off
0:44Parapharico. The patrol car is right
0:46behind it. Lisiata, not Senora, not
0:48ma'am. He said it the way you say the
0:50name of someone you've worked for a long
0:51time. My mother gave him one small nod.
0:53Then she said without turning her head.
0:55Tomas, the oldest of the five men, gray
0:58at the temples, was already kneeling
0:59next to me in the grass with a black bag
1:01open. He had big, careful hands. He
1:04didn't touch my belly. He touched my
1:05wrist, then my forehead. Senora, I'm a
1:08paramedic. Don't try to get up. Where
1:09did it hit you? Right side, I said. My
1:11voice was a mess. He moved. He kicked
1:13just now. Twice. Good. That's good. He
1:16looked up. Conscious. Breathing fine.
1:18Pain on the right side. No bleeding. I
1:20can see fetal movement after the impact.
1:22My mother's shoulders came down maybe
1:24half a centimeter. If I hadn't been
1:25staring at her, I would have missed it.
1:27Dona Carmemella found her voice again.
1:29It came back loud, the way it always did
1:31after a second mimosa. She fell. She's
1:33clumsy. She's always been clumsy and
1:35she's dramatic. Ask anyone. She swung
1:37around to the guests. Tell her. Lupe,
1:40tell her what happened. Her sister,
1:41Lupe, looked at the tablecloth.
1:43Sebastian, tell her. Matteo's cousin
1:45Sebastian was still holding his phone
1:47up. He lowered it slowly and put it in
1:49his pocket. 30 people. And suddenly
1:51every single one of them was very
1:52interested in their own shoes. It was
1:54almost funny. 10 minutes earlier they
1:56couldn't stop laughing. 30 witnesses, my
1:59mother said. A lot of phones and a
2:01camera over the pool that covers the
2:03dessert table. Records in high
2:04definition and picks up audio within 6
2:07m. She glanced up at the little white
2:09dome under the eve of the pool house. I
2:11had walked under it every Sunday for a
2:12year and never once noticed it. My
2:14company installed it in March. There was
2:16a long silence. Then my father-in-law,
2:18Don Arturo, said something I didn't
2:20expect. He said her name, Isabelle
2:22Mononttoya. He'd been sitting in the
2:24shade the whole afternoon with a
2:25whiskey, saying nothing. The way he
2:27always said nothing. Now he stood up
2:29very slowly. Mononttoya Seuriidad, he
2:32said. You run our security. I run
2:34security for half the houses on this
2:35street, Don Arturo, she said. Yours is
2:37the only one where I asked for the file
2:39personally. Dona Carmemella turned to
2:41her husband like he'd betrayed her. You
2:42know this woman? I know whose name is on
2:44the contract," he said quietly and sat
2:46back down. Matteo was walking toward me.
2:48Finally, his face was gray and wet, and
2:51he kept saying my name. Luchia. Luchia.
2:53Mamore. Like the words were a ticket
2:55that would get him through. My mother
2:56turned and looked at him. Just looked.
2:58He stopped 2 meters from me as if he'd
3:00walked into a glass door. "You're the
3:02husband," she said. "Yes, Senora. I'm
3:04Mateo." I Ernesto sent me a message at
3:063:50 that your mother was drunk and
3:08holding a bat near my daughter. I opened
3:10the camera feed on my phone in the car.
3:12Her voice didn't change at all. I
3:13watched her walk across the lawn. I
3:15watched you see her and I watched you
3:17look at your shoes. Matteo's mouth
3:18opened. Nothing came out of his either.
3:20It ran in the family apparently. The
3:22ambulance came up the drive with its
3:24siren off, lights still turning, red and
3:26white across the pool. Two paramedics in
3:28Navy uniforms ran over with a stretcher
3:30and Tomas gave them everything in about
3:3215 seconds. They lifted me. The sky
3:34tipped. I grabbed the rail. My mother
3:36was suddenly beside the stretcher. Up
3:38close, she looked older than she had
3:39from the ground. There were lines around
3:41her mouth, a tiny scar through her left
3:43eyebrow that I didn't have. She reached
3:45out one gloved hand toward my face
3:47slowly like you'd reach toward a dog you
3:49weren't sure about. "Don't," I said. Her
3:51hand stopped in the air. "You don't get
3:53to do that," I said. "Not after 17
3:56years. You don't get to show up in a
3:57Lamborghini and touch me." For a second,
3:59something moved across her face. Then it
4:01was gone, and she pulled the hand back
4:03and put it in her pocket. "Okay," she
4:05said. "Okay." As they rolled me past the
4:07pool, two police officers were walking
4:08up the drive. Ernesto met them halfway
4:10with a tablet in his hand and I watched
4:12one of the officers lean in to watch the
4:14screen. His face changed. He looked up
4:16at Dona Carmela who was still standing
4:18there with the bat at her feet. The last
4:20thing I heard before the ambulance doors
4:22closed was my mother-in-law screaming at
4:24a man in a police uniform. Do you have
4:26any idea who my husband is? And Don
4:28Arturo sitting in the shade not getting
4:29up. They took me to hospital
4:328 minutes away. I know because I counted
4:34every one of them with my hands on my
4:35belly waiting for another kick. I got
4:37one on parapherico. I cried so hard the
4:40paramedic had to hold the oxygen mask on
4:41for me. The doctor on call was a short
4:43woman named Dr. Atrovinho with reading
4:45glasses pushed up into her hair. She
4:47squeezed the cold gel on my stomach and
4:49the room filled with a sound like a tiny
4:51horse galloping very far away. "There he
4:53is," she said, "Strong 148." I covered
4:56my face with both hands. She was quiet
4:59for a while, moving the probe around the
5:00right side, where a purple mark the
5:02shape of a smile was already coming up
5:04on my skin. Then she pointed at a dark
5:06sliver on the screen. This is a small
5:08bleed behind the edge of the placenta. A
5:10partial separation. It's small, Lucia,
5:12and it's not growing right now, but I
5:13don't like it. You're staying with us at
5:15least 48 hours. Monitor on. Bed rest. No
5:18stress. I laughed. I didn't mean to. No
5:21stress. I know, she said. And for a
5:23second, she looked like a real person
5:25instead of a doctor. I saw who's sitting
5:27in the hallway. Around 9:00 that night,
5:29a woman from the Fiscalia came with a
5:30forensic doctor to photograph the bruise
5:32and take my statement. She was young and
5:34tired and very kind. And she asked me
5:36the same questions three different ways.
5:39Did I want to file a complaint? Did I
5:40understand it would be for injuries and
5:42family violence? Did I understand my
5:44mother-in-law had been taken to the
5:45public prosecutor's office that
5:47afternoon? Is she in jail? I asked.
5:49She's being processed, the woman said
5:51carefully. With a pregnant victim, a
5:53weapon, and video. It doesn't just go
5:55away. But I won't lie to you. Families
5:57like that have very good lawyers. So do
5:59I, said a voice from the door. The woman
6:01standing there was about 50 in a gray
6:03pants suit with a laptop bag over her
6:05shoulder and a pen behind her ear.
6:07Patricia Ooa, I'm a lawyer. She looked
6:09at me, not at the woman from the fiscal.
6:11I'll be straight with you. You didn't
6:13hire me. Your mother did about an hour
6:15ago. You can fire me right now and I'll
6:17leave and send her the bill anyway. I
6:18looked at her for a long time. Is she
6:20still out there? She hasn't moved from
6:22that chair since 6:00. I didn't fire
6:24her. Matteo came at 10:30. He changed
6:26his shirt, but not his face. His phone
6:28buzzed in his pocket every 30 seconds
6:30the whole time he was there. And every
6:32time it did, he flinched a little. He
6:34sat on the edge of the bed and tried to
6:35take my hand. I let him because I was
6:37too tired not to. My love, I'm so sorry.
6:40I'm so sorry. I froze. I didn't know
6:42what to do. You knew what to do, I said.
6:45Everybody knows what to do when somebody
6:46walks toward a pregnant woman with a
6:48bat. She was drunk. Lucia, you weren't.
6:50He let go of my hand. His phone buzzed
6:52again. He looked at it and I watched him
6:54decide whether to say what he'd come to
6:55say. Dad's lawyer called. He said
6:57finally. Lissenciato Garza. He says if
7:00we if this doesn't go to a hearing, the
7:02family will take care of everything. The
7:03hospital, a house, our own house,
7:05wherever you want. Mom will go into a
7:07clinic, a real one in Quabaka. She'll
7:10get help. Nobody has to go through a
7:12trial. Nobody. I said you, me, the baby.
7:15Think about the baby. I'm thinking about
7:17the baby. I said, I'm thinking about the
7:19sound your bat made when it hit him. He
7:21stood up. He walked to the window and
7:22looked out at the parking lot for a long
7:24time. She's my mother," he said to the
7:26glass. "I know," I said. "That's the
7:28problem. She's your mother and I'm
7:29nobody's anything. That's what they all
7:31said today." And you let them. He left
7:33without saying goodbye. Through the
7:34little window in the door, I saw him
7:36walk past the chair in the hallway where
7:37my mother sat with her coat folded on
7:39her lap. He slowed down. She didn't look
7:41up. He kept walking. The night nurse
7:43checked the monitor at 2:00, at 4:00.
7:45Every time she came back, she said the
7:47same thing. "She's still there. I didn't
7:48sleep. I lay in the dark listening to
7:50the galloping sound from the machine and
7:52thinking about a woman in a black suit
7:54who had crashed a gate for me and then
7:55sat in a plastic chair for 12 hours
7:57because I told her not to touch me. At
7:597:00 in the morning, I pressed the call
8:01button. "Tell her she can come in," I
8:02said. Just tell her not to talk unless I
8:04ask her something. She came in holding
8:06two coffees from the cafeteria and she
8:08set one down on my tray without a word.
8:10The way you'd leave food for a stray
8:11cat. Then she sat in the chair by the
8:13window and folded her hands in her lap.
8:15She was still wearing the gloves. I let
8:16the silence go on for a long time. long
8:18enough to be cruel. I wanted her to feel
8:20what it was like to wait for someone who
8:22doesn't come. Why the gloves? I finally
8:24said it's hot outside. She looked down
8:26at them. That's not the question you
8:27want to ask. Don't tell me what I want.
8:30Okay. She nodded. You're right. Sorry. I
8:32wrapped both hands around the coffee. It
8:34was too sweet. Three sugars. That's how
8:36I take it. That's how my grandmother
8:37made it for me every morning of my life
8:39until she died. And I'd never told
8:40anybody else. "Why did you leave me?" I
8:42said. She took a breath like she was
8:44about to go underwater. Your father's
8:46name was Rodrigo Salas, she said. You
8:48won't remember him. You were small and
8:50he wasn't home much. And when he was
8:52home, I tried to keep you in your room.
8:53His family had money and friends in
8:55places that mattered back then. Judges,
8:57commandantes, men who owed his father
8:59favors. She was looking at the window,
9:01not at me. The night I left, he came
9:03home angry about something. I don't even
9:04remember what. I was cooking. There was
9:06a pot of water boiling for pasta. You
9:08came into the kitchen in your pajamas,
9:10looking for me, and he grabbed the pot.
9:12And I don't know if he meant to throw it
9:13at me or at the wall or at nothing. I
9:15got between it and you. She held up her
9:17gloved hands a few centimeters. Then she
9:19put them back in her lap. I didn't say
9:21anything. I couldn't. Somewhere at the
9:22very bottom of my head, there was steam,
9:24a white cloud, and somebody screaming,
9:26and it wasn't me, and arms around me so
9:28tight it hurt. I'd always thought it was
9:30a dream. I'd had it my whole life. I
9:32took you to my mother's house in Ista
9:33Palapa that night, she said, wrapped in
9:35a towel. My hands were, it doesn't
9:37matter. When I went to the police, the
9:38commander on duty was his father's
9:40godson. When I went to family court, his
9:42lawyer told the judge I was unstable, I
9:44had no job, no house, and that I had
9:46hurt you myself. The burns were proof,
9:48he said. Proof I couldn't be trusted
9:49near a stove. That's insane. That's how
9:52it worked. He told me outside the
9:53courtroom that he'd take you and I'd
9:55never see you again. And I believed him
9:56because he'd never once made a threat he
9:58didn't keep, so you ran. That's how it
10:00worked. He told me outside the courtroom
10:01that he'd take you and I'd never see you
10:03again. And I believed him because he'd
10:05never once made a threat he didn't keep.
10:06So you ran. So I made you disappear. She
10:09said, "I couldn't take you with me. He
10:11had people watching me for years. Every
10:12job I got, every apartment, a car
10:14outside. If I'd gone to my mother's even
10:16once, he would have followed me straight
10:18to you. So, I signed you up for school
10:19under her last name, and I stayed away.
10:21I told her to tell you I left, that I
10:23didn't want you. Better that you hated
10:25me than he found you." Abuela knew your
10:27grandmother knew everything. I put the
10:29coffee down because my hands were
10:30shaking. I cried for you. I said, "Every
10:32Christmas, you said you'd be back by
10:34Christmas." I know what I said. I used
10:36to sit by the window with my shoes on.
10:38She closed her eyes. For a minute,
10:39neither of us said anything. A cart
10:41rolled by in the hall. Somebody laughed
10:42at the nurse's station. "The
10:44scholarship," I said suddenly. "The
10:46envelopes from the parish, every
10:48January, for school, for my uniforms,
10:50for the nursing course." Padre Julian
10:52said it was from a benefactor who wanted
10:54to stay anonymous. "Padre Julian is very
10:56good at keeping secrets," she said, "and
10:59very bad at math. I had to remind him
11:01twice that year, your shoes didn't fit."
11:03I laughed. It came out of me like a
11:04cough and it hurt my side and I hated
11:06her for making it happen. Rodrigo died
11:08three years ago, she said. Drunk on the
11:11highway to Tuca. Nobody else was hurt.
11:13Thank God. I found out from the
11:14newspaper and I sat in my office for an
11:16hour and then I drove to Istapalapa and
11:19I parked across the street from my
11:20mother's house and I couldn't get out of
11:22the car. Why not? Because I didn't know
11:24how to knock on a door after 14 years.
11:26Because you were 19 and you had a life
11:28and I thought, who am I to walk in and
11:30blow it up? What do I even say? Hello,
11:32I'm the woman who left. You could have
11:33said anything. I know that now. She
11:35looked at me for the first time since
11:36she sat down. I came to the funeral last
11:39year and I saw it clear as a photograph.
11:41The cemetery in San Lorenzo Tisko, the
11:44heat, the jackaranda tree dropping
11:46purple flowers all over the path. And at
11:48the very back behind everyone, a woman
11:50in black with sunglasses standing alone
11:52under the tree. I'd noticed her because
11:54she didn't come forward for the prayers.
11:55I thought she was someone from the
11:57market. I thought she was at the wrong
11:58funeral. That was you. Your grandmother
12:00saw me," she said. Two weeks before she
12:03died, she called me. She said,
12:04"Isabelle, she's getting married to some
12:06rich boy, and I don't like his mother.
12:08You watch over her when I'm gone.
12:10Promise me." She smiled, "Just barely.
12:12Your grandmother was the only person in
12:13my life who ever gave me orders." So,
12:15you sent Ernesto. After the wedding, I
12:18looked up the Villa Lobo's family, old
12:20money, car dealerships in Palanco and
12:22Santa Fe, a mother who'd fired four
12:23maids in 2 years. And then I looked at
12:25our client list, and their house was on
12:27it. Ernesto's been with me 11 years. I
12:29asked him to take the post as a favor,
12:31just to tell me you were all right. And
12:32was I? No. She said, "You weren't." And
12:35every report he sent, I sat down to
12:36write you a letter. I have about 40 of
12:38them. I was going to bring one next
12:40Sunday. Next Sunday, I said, "Next
12:42Sunday." And yesterday? Yesterday,
12:44Ernesto texted me that she'd had five
12:46mimosas and picked up a bat. I was
12:48already in the car before I finished
12:49reading it. And the gate. Ernesto
12:50released the lock when he saw me turn
12:52the corner. She shrugged one shoulder.
12:54It only opened halfway. I didn't feel
12:55like waiting for the other half. I
12:57looked at her, this stranger with my
12:58eyebrows and my coffee order, and I
13:00didn't know what I felt. Not love. It
13:02was too early and too late for that, but
13:04something that wasn't hate either.
13:06Something tired that wanted to sit down.
13:08I'm still angry, I said. You should be.
13:10I don't know if I'm ever going to stop.
13:12Then don't, she said. Be angry at me for
13:15the rest of your life. Just let me be
13:16close enough to see it. Dona Carmemella
13:18spent 11 hours at the public
13:20prosecutor's office and walked out
13:21[clears throat] at 4 in the morning with
13:22her lawyer holding her elbow. A judge
13:24gave her protection orders. She couldn't
13:26come within 500 meters of me, couldn't
13:28call me, couldn't send anyone to talk to
13:30me. She was charged with aggravated
13:32injuries and family violence, and the
13:34first hearing was set for 10 days later.
13:36She went home and slept in her own bed.
13:37I know that because the Via Lobos family
13:40made sure everybody knew it. By Tuesday,
13:41the story had already gone around. Not
13:43my story, theirs. It started with a
13:45message from Matteo's aunt Lupe in the
13:47family WhatsApp group, which nobody had
13:49bothered to take me out of. a long voice
13:50note about how Carmela had lost her
13:52balance with the bat in her hand, and
13:54how that girl had been provoking her for
13:57months, and how it was all a
13:58misunderstanding that a certain person
14:00with a lot of money and no manners had
14:02turned into a circus to get her hands on
14:04the Villa Lobo's name. Then the lawyer's
14:06letter came. Patricia read it to me in
14:08my hospital room on Wednesday afternoon,
14:10sitting on the end of my bed with her
14:11shoes off. My mother stood by the window
14:13with her arms crossed. Lisiato Garza, on
14:16behalf of the VA Lobo's family, Patricia
14:18read, blah blah. regrettable accident,
14:20blah blah. His client deeply regrets any
14:22discomfort. Here's the part that
14:23matters. She cleared her throat. In the
14:25event this matter proceeds, the family
14:27will be obligated to present evidence
14:28regarding Mrs. Lucia via Lobos's
14:31emotional stability, her lack of family
14:33support network, her absence of income,
14:35and her suitability to provide an
14:36adequate environment for the minor, as
14:38well as the family's concern about the
14:40sudden involvement of individuals with
14:42private armed security in her life. The
14:44room got very quiet. They're going to
14:46try to take the baby, I said. They're
14:48going to try to scare you into thinking
14:49they can. Patricia said that's
14:51different. A grandmother who hit a
14:53pregnant woman with a bat is not going
14:54to get custody of anybody. I promise you
14:56that. But in a divorce, Matteo's lawyers
14:58can make your life very hard for a long
15:00time. And they know you're scared.
15:01That's the whole letter. It's not a
15:03legal document. It's a hand on your
15:04throat. I looked at my mother. She
15:06hadn't moved. She was staring at the
15:07parking lot, but her hands in those
15:09gloves had closed into fists so tight
15:11the leather creaked. Unstable, she said
15:13quietly. No family support. Unsuitable
15:16environment. She turned around. Do you
15:18know where I heard those exact words? I
15:20knew. 17 years ago, outside a courtroom
15:22in Coyoakan, a man told me he'd take my
15:24child, she said. And I ran. I ran for 17
15:27years. And I lost all of it. Every
15:29birthday, every Christmas, your first
15:31day of school, the day you got your
15:32nursing certificate. I'm not running
15:34this time. And neither are you. I don't
15:36have anything. I said, "They have
15:37everything. Money, lawyers, 30 people
15:40who will say I fell. 30 people who
15:42laughed," Patricia said. That's what
15:44they have. She turned her laptop around.
15:46It was Instagram. A story posted Sunday
15:48at 4:12 in the afternoon by Matteo's
15:50cousin, Sebastian. Saved by somebody
15:52before he deleted it. 12 seconds. Me on
15:55the grass curled around my belly.
15:57Somebody giggling. Dona Carmemella's
15:59voice clear as a bell. Get up. Don't be
16:01dramatic. And over the top of it in
16:02white letters, Sebastian had typed drama
16:05queen of the year, lol. Somebody
16:07downloaded it before he took it down.
16:09Patricia said it has 4 million views now
16:11on three different platforms. Somebody
16:13found out who the family was by Monday
16:14night. The comments are, well, don't
16:16read the comments, but the VA Lobos
16:18dealership in Santa Fe had people
16:19outside it with signs this morning, and
16:21your mother-in-law's charity committee
16:22at the club to golf announced she's
16:24taking a leave of absence. I stared at
16:26the screen at myself, small and ugly on
16:29the grass and 30 people in expensive
16:31clothes standing around me like I was
16:32something that had been spilled. I
16:34didn't want this, I said. I know,
16:36Patricia said. Neither did they. That's
16:38why they sent this letter. They're
16:39panicking, and panicking people make
16:41mistakes. The mistake came on Friday.
16:43Matteo called me at 8 in the morning. He
16:45sounded like he hadn't slept since
16:46Sunday. I need to see you, he said.
16:49Today. Can you have your lawyer there
16:50and her? Your mom? Why? Please, Lucia.
16:53I'll explain. Just please. They
16:55discharged me Thursday with strict rest.
16:57And I was staying in a guest room at my
16:59mother's house in San Cherimo, which was
17:01big and quiet and full of books I didn't
17:03know she read. Matteo came at noon. He
17:05sat on the edge of the sofa with his
17:07knees together like a kid in the
17:08principal's office, and he put a folder
17:10on the coffee table. Lisiato Garza gave
17:12me this yesterday, he said with my dad
17:14and my mom in the room. Patricia opened
17:16it, read it. Her eyebrows went up and
17:18stayed there. It's a sworn statement,
17:20she said to me. From Matteo, "It says
17:21you'd been emotionally unstable
17:23throughout the pregnancy, that you'd
17:24made threats to harm yourself, that
17:26you'd acted aggressively toward his
17:27mother on several occasions, and that on
17:29Sunday you lunged at her first and she
17:31raised the bat to defend herself." She
17:33looked up at him. "It's not signed."
17:34"No," Matteo said. "Why not?" my mother
17:37asked. It was the first time she'd
17:38spoken to him since the garden. He made
17:40himself look at her. Because none of
17:42it's true, he said. And they wanted me
17:44to sign it before the hearing so they
17:45could say I was scared of my own wife so
17:47they could say she was dangerous. To the
17:49baby, he swallowed. Mom said if I didn't
17:51sign it, I wasn't her son anymore. Dad
17:53didn't say anything. Dad never says
17:55anything. He pulled a second piece of
17:57paper out of his jacket. It was folded
17:58in four and a little crumpled like he'd
18:00been holding it in his hand for a long
18:02time. I wrote this last night, he said.
18:04I wrote it myself. Nobody helped me. He
18:06held it out to me, not to Patricia. I
18:08unfolded it. It was his handwriting. The
18:10messy slanted handwriting from the notes
18:12he used to leave on the fridge when we
18:13first got married. It said everything.
18:15The mimosas, the comments, the bat he'd
18:17left by the chair, his mother walking
18:19across the lawn, his mother swinging, me
18:21on the ground, his family laughing, and
18:24at the bottom, one line underlined
18:26twice. I saw all of it and I looked at
18:28my shoes because I have been looking at
18:30my shoes my whole life when my mother is
18:32angry. I am not going to do it anymore.
18:34I read it twice. Then I handed it to
18:36Patricia without saying anything because
18:37if I'd opened my mouth, I would have
18:39made a sound I didn't want him to hear.
18:41You understand what this does, Patricia
18:43said to him. If you give this to the
18:44Fiscalia, there's no misunderstanding
18:46anymore. No lost balance. Their whole
18:48defense is gone and you'll be a witness
18:50against your own mother. I know. And
18:52your family. I know, he said again. And
18:54then quieter. I moved out this morning.
18:56I'm at a hotel. My mother watched him
18:58for a long time. I couldn't read her
19:00face at all. Why? She said finally. Why
19:02now? And not on Sunday. Matteo looked
19:04down. Then with what looked like real
19:06effort, he looked back up. Because on
19:08Sunday I was thinking about what my
19:09mother would do to me, he said. And last
19:11night I was thinking about what I'd tell
19:13my son when he's old enough to ask where
19:15I was. Nobody said anything for a while.
19:17Then my mother stood up, walked into the
19:18kitchen, and came back with a glass of
19:20water and set it down in front of him.
19:22The same way she'd set the coffee down
19:23in front of me. It wasn't forgiveness. I
19:25knew that, but it was something. The
19:27hearing was in a small The hearing was
19:28in a small courtroom in the reclusorio
19:30sewer complex with fluorescent lights
19:32and a judge who looked like somebody's
19:34tired uncle. Dr. Trevinoho had let me go
19:36on the condition that I stayed in a
19:38wheelchair and that someone would get me
19:39out of there the second I felt anything
19:41strange. My mother pushed it. She didn't
19:43ask. She just took the handles in the
19:45parking lot and I let her. Dona
19:46Carmemella was already sitting at the
19:48defense table when we came in. I had
19:50been afraid of this moment for 10 days.
19:52I'd pictured her turning around and
19:53giving me the look, the one from Every
19:55Sunday, the one that made me feel like a
19:57stain. I'd practiced not crying in the
19:59bathroom mirror. She didn't turn around.
20:01She was wearing a navy dress and no
20:02jewelry at all, which I'd never seen.
20:05Her hair was flat on one side, like
20:06she'd slept on it, and nobody had told
20:08her. Next to her, Lensiato Garza had a
20:10stack of folders a hand high. Don Arturo
20:13wasn't there. Neither was anyone else
20:14from the family. 30 people at her Sunday
20:16lunch, and not one of them came to sit
20:18behind her. Patricia did most of the
20:19talking. The prosecutor did the rest.
20:21They played the footage from the camera
20:23over the pool on a screen on the wall
20:24and the sound came out of a little
20:26speaker on the judge's desk. Tiny and
20:27too loud. Having fun, little girl? I
20:29looked at my hands for most of it. I
20:31didn't need to see it. I'd been there,
20:32but I heard it. The crack, my own
20:34scream, which still didn't sound like
20:36me. And then the laughing going on and
20:38on and the judge's face getting harder
20:40and harder each second it went on. When
20:42it was over, Lisiato Garza stood up and
20:44talked for 20 minutes about provocation,
20:47about emotional context, about a
20:48grandmother overwhelmed by a difficult
20:50family situation, about the highly
20:52irregular involvement of a private
20:54security company in a family matter. He
20:56said, "Lost her balance twice." Then the
20:58prosecutor stood up and read Matteo's
21:00statement into the record every word.
21:02And when she got to the last line, the
21:04one he'd underlined, Lisiato Garza sat
21:06down and didn't stand up again. The
21:08judge ordered that the case go to trial,
21:10kept the protection orders in place, and
21:12said, looking right at Dona Carmemella
21:14over his glasses. Seenora, I'd advise
21:16you to listen very carefully to your
21:18lawyer from now on. 3 weeks later, she
21:20did. Lisiato Garza called Patricia and
21:22asked about a procedimento abato. It's a
21:25deal. Basically, you admit everything in
21:27front of a judge out loud on the record,
21:29and in exchange, you get a reduced
21:30sentence and skip the trial. Patricia
21:32explained it to me at my mother's
21:33kitchen table and told me I had the
21:35right to say no. I asked her one
21:37question. Does she have to say it
21:38herself out loud? Every word. Then yes.
21:41So I sat in the wheelchair one more time
21:42and I watched my mother-in-law stand up
21:44in a courtroom and say in a voice so
21:46small the judge asked her to repeat it
21:48that on that Sunday she had been
21:50drinking, that she had picked up a bat,
21:51that she had hit me on purpose and that
21:53I had done nothing to provoke her. 2
21:55years and 4 months. Because it was her
21:57first offense, the judge let her serve
21:59it outside a cell on strict conditions.
22:01The protection order became permanent. a
22:03year of mandatory treatment for alcohol
22:05and every peso of my medical bills and
22:08the damages paid from her own account,
22:10not Don Arturo's, hers. When the judge
22:12asked if she had anything to add, she
22:14turned around in her chair and looked at
22:16me for the first time since that
22:17afternoon in the garden. I waited for
22:19it. The look, the stained look. It
22:21didn't come. She opened her mouth and
22:22closed it, and then her eyes dropped,
22:24and she stared at the floor in front of
22:26my wheels. She looked at her shoes. I
22:28didn't feel happy. I thought I would.
22:30I'd lay awake imagining this and I'd
22:32thought it would feel like something
22:33breaking open. It just felt quiet, like
22:35the end of a long fever. Don Arturo
22:37moved into an apartment in Palano before
22:39Christmas. He sent me one letter, typed
22:41two lines saying he was sorry he had
22:43stayed in his chair. Lupe left the
22:44family WhatsApp group. Somebody finally
22:46took me out of it. Sebastian's
22:48university suspended him for a semester
22:49after his classmates found the video,
22:51which I thought was a little much, and I
22:53said so to Patricia, and she said,
22:54"Lucia, he typed LOL and I didn't argue
22:57anymore. My mother's company didn't
22:59renew the Villa Lobo security contract
23:01when it came up in January. Nobody told
23:03me. I found out from Ernesto, who came
23:05to visit with a box of Konchas from a
23:07bakery near his house and stood in the
23:09doorway turning his cap around in his
23:10hands like he was nervous to be there.
23:12Who fixed the gate? I asked him. Nobody,
23:15he said. Last time I drove past, it was
23:17still hanging like that. I thought about
23:18that for a long time afterward. that big
23:20house in El Pedreal, the pool, the
23:23dessert table, all those bedrooms, and a
23:25broken gate nobody bothered to fix
23:26because there was nobody coming for
23:28Sunday lunch anymore. In February, when
23:30Dr. Trevvinho finally said I could walk
23:32more than a block, I asked my mother to
23:33take me to the cemetery. She drove the
23:35Urus to San Lorenzo to Zonko, which got
23:37a lot of looks, and parked it outside
23:39the gate next to a man selling maragolds
23:41from a bucket. She bought every flower
23:42he had. He was so happy he tried to give
23:44her his bucket. The jackaranda over my
23:46grandmother's grave had started blooming
23:48early that year. purple everywhere on
23:50the path, on the headstone, in my hair.
23:52I sat down on the little stone ledge
23:54with my belly out in front of me like a
23:56table, and my mother stood a few steps
23:58back exactly where she'd stood at the
23:59funeral. "Come here," I said. "You're
24:01doing it again." She came and sat next
24:03to me. We were quiet for a while. I
24:05pulled the dead flowers out of the vase,
24:07and she handed me the new ones, one at a
24:08time, and I put them in, and it was the
24:10most normal thing we'd ever done
24:12together. "Did she know?" I said, "At
24:14the funeral, that you were there." She
24:15knew I'd come. She told me where to
24:17stand. My mother almost smiled. She
24:19said, "Under the tree so you'll have
24:21shade and so the girl won't see you if
24:22you lose your nerve." "And you lost your
24:25nerve completely." She knew you would.
24:27"Your grandmother knew everything," she
24:29said again. And this time, her voice
24:30cracked right down the middle, and she
24:32put a gloved hand over her mouth and
24:34looked away from me at the other graves
24:35until it passed. "I didn't say anything.
24:37I just leaned over until my shoulder
24:39touched hers. I didn't look at her. I
24:41don't think she looked at me." We sat
24:42there like that until the man with the
24:44bucket started packing up. Ameliano was
24:46born on the 29th of April at 39 weeks at
24:48hospital Angelles Pedreal, three floors
24:50above the room where I'd heard his
24:52heartbeat for the first time. 3.4 kilos
24:55furious. A full head of black hair that
24:57stuck straight up like he'd been
24:58electrocuted. Dr. Trevinho held him up
25:00and said, "Well, he's fine. He's more
25:02than fine. Listen to those lungs." And I
25:05laughed and cried at the same time and
25:06couldn't stop doing either. Matteo was
25:08there. I'd decided that a long time
25:10before. We'd signed the divorce papers
25:12in March, quietly in Patricia's office.
25:14No lawyers shouting, no folders, a hand
25:16high. He'd found an apartment in
25:18Narvarte and a job at a dealership that
25:20wasn't his father's. And every Sunday,
25:22he came to my mother's house and sat on
25:23the floor next to my bed with his hand
25:25on my belly talking to the baby about
25:26soccer. I didn't love him the way I had.
25:28I wasn't sure I ever would again, but he
25:30had written that letter with his own
25:32hand. And on the worst day of my life,
25:34he had looked at his shoes. And then
25:35later, when it cost him everything, he
25:37had looked up. The nurse put Ameliano in
25:39his arms, and he held him like he was
25:41made of glass. and he cried so hard he
25:43had to sit down. My mother wasn't in the
25:45room. "Where is she?" I asked. The nurse
25:47smiled. "Where do you think?" "In the
25:48chair in the hallway." "Of course she
25:50was. Tell her to come in," I said. She
25:52came in slowly like the floor might not
25:54hold her. She'd been there all night.
25:56Her hair was coming out of its knot, and
25:58there was a coffee stain on her sleeve,
25:59and she was still wearing the gloves.
26:01Matteo stood up and put Ameiliano into
26:03my arms and stepped back to the window
26:04without being asked. He'd gotten better
26:06at knowing when to leave a room. My
26:08mother stood at the foot of the bed and
26:09looked at the baby and I watched her
26:11face do something I'd never seen it do.
26:13Not in the garden, not in the courtroom.
26:15It just came apart quietly all at once.
26:17"Do you want to hold him?" I said. She
26:19nodded. She couldn't talk. She reached
26:21out for him and I pulled him back an
26:23inch. "Not like that," I said. "Take
26:24them off." She looked at me, then down
26:26at her hands. For a second, I thought
26:28she was going to say no. Then she pulled
26:29off the right glove, one finger at a
26:31time, the way she [clears throat] had in
26:32the garden, and then the left. I'd tried
26:34to imagine it so many times since that
26:36morning in the hospital. It wasn't as
26:38bad as I'd pictured, and it was worse.
26:40The skin on the backs of both hands was
26:42shiny and pulled tight and a different
26:43color, pink and white, like wax that had
26:45melted and set again. The scars went up
26:47past her wrists and disappeared into her
26:49sleeves. She held them out in front of
26:51her like she was ashamed of them. Like
26:53she was waiting for me to say, "Don't."
26:54I thought about the steam, the white
26:56cloud, and someone screaming and arms
26:58wrapped around me so tight it hurt. I'd
27:00thought it was a dream my whole life. It
27:02wasn't a dream. It was her. It was these
27:04hands. I put Ameliano into them. She
27:06held him against her chest and bent her
27:07head over his and made a sound I'll
27:09never be able to describe. And Ameliano,
27:11who had been screaming at the whole
27:12hospital for an hour, went completely
27:14quiet and grabbed her thumb. After a
27:16long time, she looked up at me. Her eyes
27:17were wet. Then she reached out very
27:19slowly, the same way she had in the
27:21garden next to the stretcher. And this
27:22time, I didn't say, "Don't." She put her
27:24bare hand on my cheek. It was rough and
27:26scarred and warm. And for the first time
27:29in 17 years, my mother touched

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