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My Husband Got My Sister Pregnant While We Were Doing IVF — Mom Said I Should Be Happy For Them — Transcript

by When Love Betrays · 5,482 words · 761 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00My husband got my younger sister
0:01pregnant while he and I were doing IVF,
0:04and my mother told me I should be happy
0:06for them. She said it in my own kitchen
0:08three days after my second embryo
0:10transfer failed. She was holding a plate
0:13of lemon bars she baked to comfort me,
0:15and she set them down right next to my
0:17box of progesterone syringes. At least
0:19there's going to be a baby in this
0:21family, she said. Be happy for them,
0:24Noelle. She had known for nine weeks.
0:27What none of them knew was that I had
0:28already found the sticky note in my
0:30husband's truck written in my mother's
0:32handwriting. My name is Noelle Calloway.
0:35I was 36 that fall, living in the Dundee
0:38neighborhood of Omaha, Nebraska, and I
0:41worked as an outpatient pharmacist at a
0:43hospital on the west side of town. My
0:45whole job was reading labels, patient
0:47name, drug, dose, prescriber, date. If
0:52one line on a prescription didn't match
0:54another, I caught it before it reached
0:56someone's mouth. I was good at it. I
0:59liked being good at it. Two years
1:01earlier, my husband and I had started
1:03IVF. We had tried on our own for almost
1:06three years before a reproductive
1:07endocrinologist sat across from us and
1:10used the words diminished ovarian
1:11reserve. I remember Rhett holding my
1:14hand in that office and saying, then
1:16we'll do whatever it takes. I believed
1:18him. We opened a joint savings account
1:21at our credit union and named it Baby
1:23Fund. I set it up so that any withdrawal
1:26over $5,000 needed both our signatures.
1:29I told Rhett it was so neither of us
1:31could ever touch it in a weak moment.
1:34He laughed and called me the most
1:35romantic accountant he'd ever met. The
1:38day of our first transfer, I bought a
1:40little Meyer lemon tree in a clay pot
1:42and put it in our kitchen window. I told
1:44him that by the time it gave us lemons,
1:46we'd have a kid to make lemonade with.
1:49He kissed my forehead. The tree never
1:51fruited, neither did the transfer. The
1:54first one failed in the spring of that
1:56year. I found out on a Tuesday between a
1:58flu shot clinic and a lunch didn't eat.
2:01Ret came home early with a bag of the
2:02chocolate pretzels I liked and held me
2:04on the couch while I cried. He said, we
2:07have one more embryo. We have a fund. We
2:10have time. I remember thinking I had
2:13married the right man. I remember that
2:15now the way you remember a house you
2:16used to live in. I grew up in a brick
2:19house in Benson with my parents, Bettina
2:21and Leland, and my sister Paisley, who
2:23was five years younger than me. My
2:25father sold farm equipment for 30 years.
2:28My mother ran the house, the church bake
2:30sales, and every opinion within a mile
2:33of it. Paisley was the baby, and she
2:35never stopped being the baby. When I was
2:3716, I worked at a frozen custard stand
2:40all summer to buy my own prom dress.
2:42When Paisley turned 16, mom drove her to
2:45Kansas City and bought her one for $400.
2:48When I asked about it, mom said, you
2:51never wanted a fuss, Noel. Your sister
2:53does. When Paisley dented dad's truck
2:56backing out of the church lot, dad said
2:58accidents happen. When I put a scratch
3:01on the same truck a year earlier, I paid
3:03for the touch-up paint myself. Mom
3:05called me the dependable one. She said
3:07it the way some people say tall. Fact,
3:10not a compliment. The only person in
3:13that house who ever made me feel chosen
3:15was my grandmother, Opal, dad's mother.
3:18She lived with us for the last four
3:19years of her life in the back bedroom
3:22with a wooden rocking chair she'd nursed
3:23both of her sons in. On Saturday, she
3:26taught me to make lemon bars, extra
3:28zest, a thin, almost burnt crust. Your
3:32mother makes them too sweet, she'd
3:34whisper. Ours are honest. She signed
3:37every card she ever gave me with the
3:39same silver fountain pen engraved with
3:41her initials. After she died, mom kept
3:44it in her desk drawer. Before she died,
3:47she told mom the rocking chair was for
3:49my first baby's nursery. Mom promised. I
3:52heard her. Paisley wasn't all bad. When
3:55I was 12, I broke my arm falling off the
3:57monkey bars, and I couldn't sleep from
3:59the throbbing. Paisley was seven. She
4:02dragged her pillow and blanket into my
4:04room, lay down on the hardwood floor
4:06next to my bed, and held my good hand
4:09until I fell asleep. She did that for 11
4:11nights. I never forgot it. I think
4:14that's why I forgave her for so many
4:16things later. I met Rhett Sorenson at a
4:18friend's Fourth of July party when I was
4:2028. He was the sales manager at a truck
4:23dealership on West Dodge Road, and he
4:26could talk to anybody about anything.
4:29He brought me a paper plate of
4:30watermelon without asking if I wanted
4:32one, and he remembered I didn't like the
4:34seeds, so he'd pick them out. We married
4:37when I was 30 in a small chapel in
4:39Benson with Paisley as my maid of honor.
4:42My best friend Priya Natarajan, a high
4:44school chemistry teacher who swore like
4:46a sailor and cried at every wedding,
4:48gave a toast that made Rhett blush. For
4:50three years we were happy. Then the
4:52fertility appointments started, and our
4:54marriage became a calendar of blood
4:56draws, ultrasounds, injections, and
4:59waiting. I gave myself shots in the
5:01stomach every night at 9:00. Rhett used
5:03to hold the ice pack for me. Somewhere
5:05in the second year he stopped. That was
5:08around the time Paisley started needing
5:10him. She'd been renting a chair at a
5:12hair salon in Exarben Village and was
5:14always short on something. Her car
5:17battery died. Her landlord raised the
5:19rent. Her ex wouldn't return her TV. And
5:22every time mom called me first, can
5:25Rhett run over there? You know how she
5:27gets. I said yes because I always said
5:29yes. Rhett would grab his keys and go.
5:32He started coming back later. First an
5:35hour, then three. He'd say Paisley
5:38needed help moving furniture or she'd
5:40been crying about her ex and he didn't
5:42want to leave her alone. In May I
5:44noticed he'd started keeping his phone
5:46in his back pocket even at home. In June
5:49he stopped coming to my ultrasound
5:51appointments. He said the dealership was
5:53short staffed. When I asked if something
5:55was wrong, he said, you're spiraling,
5:58Noel. The hormones are making you see
6:00things. I wanted that to be true so
6:02badly that I let it be. Then there was
6:05the smell. Paisley used a coconut
6:07keratin spray at the salon. It was the
6:09kind of smell that got into fabric and
6:11stayed. In August, I started noticing it
6:14on Rhett's work shirts when I did the
6:16laundry. Not perfume, just coconut and
6:19heat.
6:20He said the dealership had hired a new
6:22receptionist who wore a lot of lotion. I
6:25wrote down the receptionist's name in my
6:27head. A week later, I stopped by the
6:29dealership with lunch. The front desk
6:31was staffed by a 60-year-old man named
6:33Hank. On Labor Day at Dad's backyard
6:36cookout, Paisley wouldn't eat the
6:38bratwurst. She said she was going
6:40vegetarian. Mom brought her a ginger ale
6:43before she'd even asked for one. I
6:45noticed. I filed it away. That's what
6:48pharmacists do. We notice, we file, and
6:51we don't say anything until we're sure.
6:53In September, our second transfer was
6:55scheduled. It was our last frozen embryo
6:58from the first retrieval. Before the
7:00transfer, my clinic told me I'd need
7:02about $4,000 in medications. I asked
7:05Rhett to put it on his health savings
7:07account card from work the way we had
7:08for the first cycle. He told me the
7:10account was nearly empty. $212, he said.
7:15He'd had some dental work. I didn't
7:17argue. I paid $4,100 from my own
7:20savings. The transfer happened in late
7:23September. 11 days later, on a Monday,
7:26the clinic called. My blood test was
7:28negative. I sat in my car in the
7:30hospital parking garage and screamed
7:32into my coat sleeve so nobody would hear
7:34me. Then I went back inside and filled
7:36prescriptions for six more hours because
7:38people were waiting. The next morning,
7:41my car was in the shop, so Rhett took a
7:42demo from the dealership and I borrowed
7:44his truck to get to work. When I reached
7:47for my sunglasses in the center console,
7:49I found a white pharmacy bag folded in
7:51half. It wasn't from my pharmacy. It was
7:54from a chain store on West Broadway in
7:56Council Bluffs, just across the river in
7:59Iowa. Pharmacists don't open other
8:01people's prescription bags, but I didn't
8:04have to. The label was facing up.
8:07Prenatal vitamins with DHA, a 30-day
8:09supply of doxylamine and pyridoxine,
8:12a common prescription for morning
8:14sickness in pregnancy. Patient name,
8:17Paisley Caraway. The receipt was stapled
8:19to the back. It had been paid with a
8:22card ending in 4417.
8:24I knew that number. It was Rhett's
8:26health savings account card. The same
8:28account he'd told me had $212 in it.
8:32Stuck to the back of the receipt was a
8:34yellow sticky note. 10 words in looping
8:36blue ink I've been reading on birthday
8:38cards my whole life. Use Rhett's HSA
8:41card. It's medical. Nobody checks. Love,
8:44Mom. I didn't cry. I sat in the driver's
8:48seat of my husband's truck with the
8:49engine off and read that note four
8:51times. Then I took photos of everything,
8:54the label, the receipt, the note. I
8:57folded the bag back exactly the way I'd
8:59found it and put it back in the console.
9:02That night, after Rhett fell asleep, I
9:04logged into the HSA portal on our
9:06laptop. I'd set up the account myself
9:08two years earlier so I could submit our
9:10IVF claims. My password still worked.
9:13The balance was $212 just like he'd
9:16said. He just hadn't said why. In
9:19August, it had been over 3,000. There
9:21had been no dental work. Instead, there
9:24had been 11 charges, a women's clinic in
9:27Council Bluffs, an ultrasound center,
9:30the pharmacy on West Broadway twice,
9:33$2,960
9:34in all. The first charge was dated 9
9:37weeks earlier. I took screenshots of
9:40every line. Then I lay down next to my
9:42husband and listened to him breathe
9:44until the sun came up. On Wednesday
9:46evening, Rhett came home at 6:15 with a
9:49bag of Rouses from the Place on Dodge.
9:52He set them on the counter and started
9:53telling me about a customer who tried to
9:55trade in a truck with a raccoon living
9:57in the engine. I let him finish the
9:59story. Then I set my phone on the
10:01counter between us. It showed the photo
10:04of the prescription label, only the
10:06label. Is my sister pregnant? I asked.
10:10He looked at the screen. The color left
10:12his face so fast it was almost a medical
10:14event. Noel, that's not.
10:17Is she pregnant, Rhett? He sat down on a
10:19bar stool. Yes. Is it yours? He didn't
10:23answer. That was an answer. How long?
10:27Since March. Seven months. Seven months
10:30of 9:00 injections that he stopped
10:32helping with. Where? Her apartment.
10:36Sometimes a motel in Council Bluffs.
10:39Were you going to tell me? We were going
10:41to wait, he said, until after the
10:44transfer. Your mom thought if it worked,
10:46it would be easier for you. You'd have
10:48your own baby to focus on. I looked at
10:51him for a long time. My mom thought.
10:54He rubbed his face with both hands.
10:57She's known since Paisley found out.
10:59She's been helping. She said you'd fall
11:01apart if you found out during the
11:03injections. How long has she known?
11:06Since the end of July. I counted without
11:09wanting to. Nine weeks. My mother had
11:12sat in my kitchen during my injections.
11:15She had asked me how I was feeling. She
11:17had prayed over me at church on the
11:19Sunday before my transfer with her hand
11:21on my shoulder, and she had known. You
11:24told me I was spiraling, I said. I'm
11:27sorry, he said. I'm so sorry. I never
11:31meant for any of this to happen. You
11:33drove across a river to a motel. That's
11:36not something that happens to a person.
11:39He had nothing to say to that. I asked
11:41him to stay somewhere else. He took a
11:43duffel bag and left at 8:40. At 11:52
11:47that night, my phone lit up with a text
11:49from Paisley. Please don't hate me. Mom
11:52said you'd understand eventually. You
11:54always do. I read it twice. Eventually.
11:58As if my heartbreak were an appointment
12:00I'd simply been late for. I didn't
12:02answer. I didn't mention the HSA. I
12:05didn't mention the sticky note. I needed
12:08to see what they would do when they
12:09thought they knew everything I knew.
12:11Then I sat on the kitchen floor under my
12:13lemon tree and cried until my stomach
12:15hurt, and I called Priya. She didn't
12:17come in. She honked twice in the
12:19driveway, drove me to an all-night diner
12:22on Dodge Street, and ordered me a stack
12:24of pancakes I never touched. She ate
12:26half of them herself. Around 1:00 in the
12:29morning, she pointed her fork at me and
12:31said, "So what's the plan, Caraway?" I
12:34said, "There isn't one yet. I need to
12:37wait." On Thursday afternoon, my mother
12:39came over with the lemon bars. She
12:41didn't knock. She had a key. She found
12:44me at the kitchen table sorting my
12:46leftover medication into a bin to return
12:48to the clinic, and she set the plate
12:50down beside the box of syringes. She sat
12:53across from me and reached for my hand.
12:55"I know this is hard, sweetheart," she
12:57said, "but at least there's going to be
13:00a baby in this family. Be happy for
13:02them, Noel." I pulled my hand back. "You
13:05knew for 9 weeks. Your sister was
13:08scared. I was doing injections every
13:10night, which is exactly why I didn't
13:13want to upset you." I looked at the
13:15lemon bars. I looked at the syringes. I
13:18didn't say one word about the receipt in
13:20Red's truck. She took my silence the way
13:23she'd always taken it as agreement.
13:25"Paisley needs us right now," she said.
13:28"You've always been the strong one."
13:30Then she stood up, smoothed her skirt,
13:32and said, "Your father's 65th is Sunday
13:35at the steakhouse. We'll all talk there
13:37like adults. Please come." She left the
13:40lemon bars. I threw them away. Then I
13:43took them out of the trash and threw
13:44them away again in the outside bin
13:46because I didn't want to smell them. I
13:48went to Dad's birthday dinner that
13:50Sunday. It was at an old steakhouse on
13:52Center Street with red leather booths
13:54and waiters in white jackets. Mom had
13:57reserved a corner table. Paisley sat
13:59next to Red. She wore a loose green
14:02dress, and when she reached for her
14:04water, I saw that her stomach had
14:06started to round. Dad sat at the head of
14:08the table, looking at his menu like it
14:11was written in another language. Nobody
14:13said happy birthday. Mom waited until
14:16the steaks came. Then she folded her
14:18hands. We all know why we're here, she
14:21said. This isn' what any of us planned,
14:24but there's a baby coming in April, and
14:26that baby is my grandchild. We have to
14:28start thinking practically. Paisley
14:31started crying quietly. Rhett put his
14:33arm around her. He did it right in front
14:36of me like it was the most natural thing
14:38in the world. Mom looked at me. The kids
14:40are going to need a real place. Paisley
14:43can't raise a baby in a studio
14:44apartment. Rhett's commission isn't what
14:47it used to be. She reached into her
14:49purse, took out a printed form from our
14:51credit union, and smoothed it flat
14:54beside my plate. Then she laid Grandma
14:56Opal's silver fountain pen on top of it.
14:59It was a withdrawal request for the baby
15:01fund, $31,000.
15:04Rhett's signature was already on it. The
15:06line for my signature was empty. Sign it
15:09with Grandma's pen, Mom said. She'd want
15:12this. You can't use that money right now
15:15anyway, she added gently. Not after this
15:18last cycle. And it was always meant for
15:20a baby. Now there is one. I stared at
15:23the form. Then I looked at my father.
15:26Did you know, Dad? He set down his fork.
15:29Your mother told me about the baby two
15:31weeks ago, he said. She said it was
15:34handled. Handled? Let's not make a
15:37scene, Noel, he said quietly. Not
15:40tonight. Be happy for them, Mom said.
15:43That's all I'm asking. Be happy for your
15:46sister. I looked at all of them, my
15:49mother, my father, my husband with his
15:52arm around my sister, my sister crying
15:54into her napkin. For people who had
15:57already decided my IVF money would buy a
15:59crib for my husband's baby, not one of
16:02them had asked if I was okay. Paisley
16:04finally looked up at me, mascara
16:06smudged. It's not like I planned it,
16:08Noel, she said. You don't plan seven
16:11months, I said. You schedule them. She
16:14flinched. Rhett tightened his arm around
16:17her. At the next table, a family was
16:19singing happy birthday to a little boy
16:22in a cowboy hat. Nobody at our table had
16:24sung to my father. I picked up grandma's
16:27pen and turned it over in my fingers.
16:29The silver was warm from mom's purse.
16:32What time Friday? I asked. Mom blinked.
16:36Then she smiled. Ten, she said. The
16:38credit union on 72nd Street will make it
16:42official and start healing. I put the
16:44pen and the form in my purse. Nobody at
16:47that table noticed I hadn't said yes. On
16:49the way out, she pressed a foil wrapped
16:51slice of dad's birthday cake into my
16:53hands. For later, she said. I knew you'd
16:56come around. You always do. She thought
16:59I'd come around. She was right about one
17:02thing. I'd be there Friday at 10. Rhett
17:05called me that night from his friend's
17:07couch. He used his gentle voice, the one
17:10he'd used in the fertility clinic
17:11waiting room. Your mom's right, Noel, he
17:14said. I know how this sounds, but you
17:17can't do another cycle right now anyway.
17:20The money's just sitting there. Let it
17:22go somewhere it can help. Somewhere it
17:24can help you, I said. It's for a baby,
17:27he said. That's what it was always for.
17:30It was for our baby, Rhett. He was
17:33quiet. Then he said, you'll sign Friday,
17:36right? Your mom already told Paisley's
17:38landlord she'd be out by November. I
17:41said, I'll be there at 10 and hung up
17:43before he could hear what was in my
17:45voice. On Monday morning, I sat across
17:47the desk from Gideon Sabo, a family law
17:50attorney with an office above a bike
17:52shop in the old market.
17:54He had gray hair in a ponytail, wore
17:56cowboy boots with a suit, and listened
17:58for 15 minutes without saying a word.
18:01Then he leaned back. Nebraska is a no
18:03fault state, he said. The affair won't
18:06get you a dime by itself, but money is
18:09different. If a spouse spends marital
18:11funds on someone outside the marriage,
18:14the court can count that against them.
18:16That's called dissipation. My HSA paid
18:19for my sister's prenatal care, I said,
18:22and he told me it was empty, so I paid
18:24for my own fertility drugs. Gideon
18:26looked at my screenshots for a long
18:28time. An HSA can only pay for the
18:31account holder, a spouse, or a
18:33dependent, he said. Your sister isn't
18:36any of those. That's a non-qualified
18:38withdrawal. He'll owe income tax on it
18:41and a 20% penalty between him and the
18:44IRS. That's his problem, not yours. For
18:47your divorce, it's $2,960
18:50of marital money he spent on his
18:52girlfriend. And the baby fund? It needs
18:55both signatures above 5,000. He can't
18:58drain it without you, but don't count on
19:00keeping all of it. It's marital savings.
19:04You'll likely split it with credit for
19:06what he wasted. He filed the divorce
19:08petition on Wednesday along with a
19:10motion asking the court to keep the
19:12joint accounts untouched until the case
19:14was resolved.
19:16He sent a copy of the motion to the
19:18credit union by certified mail. Keep
19:20your mouth shut and your folder full, he
19:23said. If they want you in a room, go.
19:25Just don't sign anything with anybody's
19:27pen but mine. I asked Priya to come with
19:30me Friday. She took a personal day. She
19:33said she wouldn't miss it for anything.
19:35The credit union was a low brick
19:37building on 72nd Street with a
19:39drive-through and a bowl of free
19:41lollipops on the counter. A loan officer
19:43named Bev Lindahl, a soft-spoken woman
19:46with reading glasses on her head, let us
19:48into a small conference room with a
19:50framed photo of the Platte River on the
19:52wall. My parents were already there.
19:54Paisley sat beside Rhett. Mom had
19:57brought a bakery box of cinnamon rolls
19:59like this was a family brunch. She
20:01smiled when she saw me. Then she saw
20:04Priya and the smile thinned. This is a
20:06family matter, she said. Priya is my
20:09family, I said and sat down. Bev opened
20:12a folder. Before we start, she said
20:14carefully, I need to let everyone know
20:17that on Thursday we received I'll
20:19explain it, I said. Bev nodded and sat
20:22back. I took out my own folder. I laid
20:25down the first page. This is my divorce
20:27petition filed Wednesday, and this is a
20:30motion asking the court to freeze our
20:32joint accounts until the divorce is
20:34settled. The credit union got a copy
20:36yesterday. Bev nodded. That's correct.
20:40This account needs both signatures for
20:42anything over $5,000,
20:44and we've also received notice from the
20:46court. I won't be processing anything
20:48today. Rhett stared at the paper. You
20:51filed. You spent 7 months of motel
20:54nights in Council Bluffs. I said, I
20:57filed. Mom's voice went thin. Noel, this
21:01is not what we discussed. We didn't
21:03discuss anything, Mom. You decided. I
21:06laid down the second page. It was a
21:08printout of the HSA transactions. 11
21:11lines. This is Rhett's health savings
21:14account. In September, he told me it had
21:17$212 in it, so I paid $4,100 for my IVF
21:21drugs out of my own savings. Here's
21:23where the money actually went. A women's
21:26clinic in Council Bluffs. An ultrasound
21:28center. Prenatal vitamins. Morning
21:31sickness medication. $2,960
21:35for Paisley's pregnancy. Rhett went red.
21:38I was going to pay it back. To who? I
21:41asked. Me or the IRS? Paisley looked at
21:45him. You said that card was from your
21:47work. You said it was free. It's not
21:50free, I said. It's marital money, and
21:53it's not allowed to pay for you. Then I
21:56laid down the third page. It was an
21:58enlarged photo of the yellow sticky
22:00note. Use Rhett's HSA card. It's
22:03medical. Nobody checks. Love, Mom. My
22:06mother looked at it and went completely
22:08still. My father leaned forward and
22:11picked it up.
22:12He held it close to his face. He'd been
22:14reading that handwriting on grocery
22:16lists for 40 years. He knew it the way
22:19he knew his own name. Then he set it
22:21down and cleared his throat. Your My was
22:24trying to help, he
22:26"Let's not make a scene, Noel." Paisley
22:28turned and stared at him. Then the words
22:31came out of her fast, like they'd been
22:33waiting nine weeks. Mom said Noel
22:35wouldn't notice. She said Noel would be
22:38too busy with her shots to look at any
22:40statements. The room went silent. Even
22:43the air conditioner seemed to stop. Bev
22:45quietly took off her reading glasses.
22:48Rhett stood up. "Noel, can we please
22:50just talk about this at home? Not in
22:53front of strangers." "You don't live at
22:55my home anymore," I said. "And you made
22:58strangers part of this when you used the
23:00pharmacy in another state." Mom finally
23:03found her voice. "I was trying to help
23:05your sister. I was trying to help
23:07everyone. You should be happy that You
23:10told me to be happy for them, mom," I
23:12said. "You just forgot to mention I was
23:15paying for it." She opened her mouth.
23:18Nothing came out. My father turned the
23:20photo face down on the table, as if that
23:23would make it say something else. I
23:25closed my folder and stood. "Bev, thank
23:27you," I said. "Sorry about your Friday."
23:31Bev gave me the smallest nod. "Ma'am,
23:33I've seen worse," she said, "but not
23:36much." Priya and I walked out past the
23:38bowl of lollipops. In the parking lot, I
23:41sat in the passenger seat of her car and
23:43shook so hard my teeth chattered. Priya
23:45turned the heat on high and didn't say a
23:47word. After five minutes, she handed me
23:50a lollipop she'd stolen from the
23:52counter. It was cherry. I laughed so
23:54hard I cried. On Monday, my mother left
23:57a voicemail. She didn't apologize. She
24:00said I had humiliated her in front of a
24:02stranger at the credit union and that
24:04Paisley hadn't stopped crying all
24:06weekend. She said the stress wasn't good
24:09for the baby. At the end, her voice
24:11softened. "I only ever wanted everybody
24:13to be happy," she said. I saved it and
24:16sent it to Gideon. Then I went to work
24:19and checked labels for nine hours, and
24:21not one of them lied to me. The divorce
24:23took seven months. Rhett's lawyer argued
24:26that the baby fund was half his. Gideon
24:28showed the court every HSA charge and
24:30every text where Rhett told me the
24:32account was nearly empty. In the end,
24:35the judge divided the baby fund but
24:37credited me for the money he'd wasted.
24:39walked away with $18,460,
24:43the full $31,000 I'd saved for, not the
24:46$4,100 I'd spent on drugs for a transfer
24:49that failed. We sold the house in Dundee
24:52and split what was left after the
24:53mortgage. I hated signing those papers.
24:56I signed them anyway with Grandma Opal's
24:59silver pen. It was the first thing that
25:01Pen had signed in years that she would
25:02have wanted. The last time I saw Rhett
25:05in person was the day he came to pick up
25:07his things before the closing. He walked
25:09through the empty kitchen and stopped at
25:11the window. "You're taking the lemon
25:13tree," he asked. "I paid for half of
25:16it." I looked at him. Two years of
25:18injections, two failed transfers, a
25:20motel in Council Bluffs, and that was
25:22what he wanted to negotiate. "You can
25:25have half the pot," I said. He almost
25:28smiled. Then he saw I wasn't joking.
25:31He picked up his box of old dealership
25:33trophies and left without saying
25:35goodbye. Rhett got a letter from the IRS
25:37the following spring about his health
25:39savings account. Taxes and a 20% penalty
25:42on every dollar he'd spent on Paisley.
25:45He called me about it once as if I could
25:47make it go away. I let it go to
25:49voicemail. My father never called. He'd
25:52spent 40 years not making scenes, and he
25:55wasn't going to start with me. Mom
25:57didn't get off as easily as she'd
25:59planned. That winter, when Rhett and
26:01Paisley asked their church for help with
26:03rent, Rhett showed the pastor a copy of
26:05the sticky note to explain where the
26:07health savings money had gone. He wanted
26:09it understood that he hadn't come up
26:11with the idea alone. By Christmas, half
26:14the congregation knew whose handwriting
26:16it was. My cousin Wesley told me Mom
26:18stepped down from running the church
26:20bake sale, a job she'd held for 22
26:22years. She told everyone it was her
26:25back. Rhett and Paisley rented a
26:27two-bedroom duplex in Council Bluffs. It
26:30was supposed to be fresh start. By
26:32February, Wesley said they were fighting
26:34about money every night. Rhett's
26:36commission had dropped. Paisley's salon
26:39chair rent was overdue. The baby was
26:41born in April, a healthy girl, 7 lb 9
26:45oz. I was glad she was healthy. I meant
26:48it. By August, Paisley had moved back
26:51into my parents' basement with the baby.
26:53Rhett paid child support through the
26:55state. Mom spent her days rocking her
26:57granddaughter in the same nursery chair
26:59she had once promised to give me.
27:02Paisley called me once late on a Tuesday
27:04night. Her voice was shaking. She said
27:07the baby wouldn't stop crying and asked
27:08whether I could tell her what medicine
27:10was safe for a fever. I told her to call
27:13the pediatrician's after-hours line. I
27:15gave her the number. She said, "You're a
27:18pharmacist. You could just tell me." "A
27:21baby with a fever needs a doctor
27:23tonight, not a guess from her aunt over
27:25the phone," I said. "Call the number."
27:28And Paisley, I'm not your safety net
27:30anymore. She hung up. A week later, she
27:33sent me a long text. She said she missed
27:36the sister who used to take care of
27:38everything. I thought about the
27:397-year-old lying on my bedroom floor
27:42with her pillow, holding my good hand
27:44for 11 nights. Then I wrote back, "I
27:47hope she feels better. Please don't ask
27:49me for things anymore." Mom sent one
27:51card. On the front was a photo of the
27:54baby in a yellow dress. Inside she had
27:56written, "Be happy for us, Noel. Life is
27:59too short." I put it through the
28:01shredder at work. That summer, I used
28:04part of my settlement to freeze my eggs
28:06at a different clinic downtown. I did
28:08the injections alone at 9:00 at night
28:11with Priya on speakerphone narrating a
28:12terrible reality show to distract me.
28:15The retrieval gave me 14 eggs. The nurse
28:18told me it was better than they'd
28:19expected. I don't know if I'll ever use
28:22them. I don't have to know yet. For the
28:24first time in years, a future belonged
28:26only to me. In September, Wesley pulled
28:29into the hospital parking lot in his
28:31pickup and lowered something wrapped in
28:34blankets from the bed. It was Grandma
28:36Opal's rocking chair. Taped to the arm
28:39was an envelope in Paisley's
28:40handwriting. Grandma promised this to
28:42you. Mom didn't keep her word. I'm
28:45trying to get one thing right. I'm
28:47sorry. Pete. Wesley said Paisley had
28:50carried it up from the basement herself
28:52while mom was at church. I ran my hand
28:54along the worn spot on the arm where
28:56Grandma used to rest her coffee. I
28:58didn't call Paisley. I didn't forgive
29:01her, but I took the chair home. I rented
29:04a small bungalow near Memorial Park. I
29:06brought the lemon tree with me. It had
29:09sat in the window of the old house for
29:10two years without doing anything but
29:12surviving. I almost left it on the curb.
29:15In the new place, I put it in a
29:17south-facing window and forgot about it.
29:20Then one morning in October, almost
29:22exactly a year after the credit union, I
29:25came into the kitchen and saw a small
29:26yellow lemon hanging from the lowest
29:28branch. One lemon, bright as a light
29:31bulb. I stood there in my socks and
29:33cried. Then I called Priya and made her
29:36drive over before work just to look at
29:38it. She stood in my kitchen in her
29:39school lanyard, holding her coffee,
29:42staring at that lemon like it was a
29:44science fair project that had actually
29:45worked. Two years, she said. Two years
29:49it just sat there. It was waiting for
29:51the right window, I said. She looked at
29:54me over her mug. Yeah, she said. Weren't
29:57we all? That weekend I made lemon bars,
30:00my grandmother's recipe, not my
30:02mother's. Extra zest, a thin crust. I
30:06ate the first one in Grandma's rocking
30:08chair by the window next to the lemon
30:10tree. Priya ate four. I thought about
30:13everything my family had told me. You've
30:15always been the strong one. Let's not
30:17make a scene. You're spiraling. It's not
30:20like I planned it. Be happy for them. I
30:23had been strong because nobody let me be
30:25anything else. I didn't make a scene. I
30:28made a folder. I wasn't spiraling. I was
30:31reading the labels. Nobody plans seven
30:34months. They choose them one motel night
30:36at a time, and my mother told me to be
30:39happy for them. I tried to be happy for
30:41everyone else for 36 years. That one
30:44little lemon was the first thing in a
30:46long time I'd grown for myself. So now I
30:48was never happy for them. But this year
30:51for the first time I'm happy for me.

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