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My Fiancé's Family Insulted Me in Sign Language for a Year—They Didn't Know My Parents Were Deaf — Transcript

by Shadow Revenge · 2,981 words · 408 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00The first time I sat down to dinner with
0:02my fiance's family, his mother smiled at
0:04me across the table and passed me the
0:06potatoes. And with her other hand, down
0:09low where she thought nobody would
0:11notice, she signed to her daughter,
0:13"Look at that cheap dress. She's only
0:15after his money." Her daughter signed
0:17back, "Give it 6 months." They both
0:20smiled at me. I smiled right back, and I
0:22took some potatoes. For 1 whole year,
0:25those women insulted me in sign
0:27language, right in front of my face at
0:30every family dinner. They were so sure I
0:32couldn't understand a word. What they
0:34didn't know was that sign language was
0:36the first language I ever learned. Both
0:39of my parents were deaf. Before I tell
0:41you what happened at Grandma Evelyn's
0:4390th birthday party, if you love stories
0:46where the quiet one has been listening
0:48all along, please subscribe to Shadow
0:50Revenge. It really helps me keep sharing
0:53these stories. Now, let me tell you
0:55about my parents. My name is Nora. I am
0:5832 years old. I teach art at an
1:01elementary school in a small town in
1:03Vermont. My classroom smells like paint
1:06and glue, and there's usually glitter in
1:08my hair. My father, Tom, was a printer.
1:11My mother, Ann, was a seamstress at a
1:13uniform factory. They were both born
1:16deaf, and they met at a school for the
1:17deaf when they were 15 years old. They
1:20had the funniest marriage I've ever
1:21seen. They'd argue with their hands from
1:24across a room. My father could tell a
1:26joke with one eyebrow. When my mother
1:28was really mad at him, she would simply
1:30close her eyes, and that was the end of
1:33the conversation. There's no winning an
1:35argument with someone who has closed
1:37their eyes. I'm hearing. I was their
1:40only child. My first word was a sign. My
1:43hands were talking before my mouth ever
1:45did. When I was sick, I was calling the
1:47plumber for them, and ordering at
1:49restaurants, and telling the bank teller
1:52what my father wanted to say. Some
1:54people looked at my parents like they
1:55were broken. They would talk loudly and
1:58slowly right in front of them. They'd
2:00say things like, "What a shame and poor
2:02little girl." right over their heads
2:04because they figured nobody could hear.
2:06But, I could hear. I heard all of it.
2:09And my mother taught me what to do about
2:11it. She signed to me once in a grocery
2:13store when I was eight and crying with
2:15rage at a rude cashier. She signed,
2:18"Nora, let people show you who they are.
2:20They always do if you stay quiet long
2:22enough." My father died when I was 26.
2:26My mother followed him 14 months later.
2:28I think she just didn't want to argue
2:30with anyone else. 2 years after that, I
2:32met Ben. Ben is a high school science
2:35teacher, a tall, gentle man who laughs
2:38at his own terrible jokes. He spilled
2:40coffee on my portfolio at a teachers'
2:42conference and offered to buy me a new
2:45one. A year later, he asked me to marry
2:47him. I told Ben all about my parents, of
2:50course. I told him what they did for a
2:52living and how funny they were and how
2:54much I miss them. And I told him they
2:57were deaf. He said, "That's amazing. You
2:59know, my grandma's deaf, too." And I
3:02said, "Really?" And he said, "Yeah. Gram
3:05lost her hearing when she was a kid. Mom
3:07and my sisters all sign with her. I
3:09never really learned. I was always off
3:11playing ball and I feel bad about it."
3:14Then he looked so happy. He said, "You
3:16and Gram are going to get along great.
3:18You should surprise them." So, that was
3:21my plan. I was going to walk into that
3:23big house on the hill, shake hands with
3:25Ben's grandmother, and say hello in sign
3:28language. I'd bought a new dress for it,
3:30a blue. It cost $38 and I thought it was
3:34beautiful. Ben's family lives in a white
3:36colonial house with a long driveway. His
3:39father, Richard, is a quiet
3:41orthodontist. His mother, Patricia,
3:44chairs every committee in the county.
3:46His sisters, Whitney and Paige, are both
3:49in real estate. They all have the same
3:51perfect teeth for obvious reasons.
3:54Patricia met me at the door. She kissed
3:56the air beside my cheek and said, "Nora,
3:59we've heard so much about you. Come in,
4:01come in." I walked into the dining room,
4:04and at the far end of the table, in a
4:05wheelchair, sat a tiny old woman with
4:08white hair and very bright eyes. That
4:10was Grandma Evelyn. She was 89. Nobody
4:14introduced us. Nobody signed anything to
4:17her at all. Patricia just patted her on
4:19the shoulder as she went by, the way
4:21you'd pat a nice piece of furniture. I
4:24was about to go over to her. My hands
4:26were already coming up, and that's when
4:28I saw it. Patricia had sat down across
4:31from me. She picked up the bowl of
4:32potatoes, passed it to me with a big
4:35smile, and said, "You must be starving,
4:37dear." And down low, by the edge of the
4:40table, with her left hand, she signed to
4:42Whitney, "Look at that cheap dress.
4:44She's only after his money." Sign
4:46language has an accent, you know.
4:49Patricia's was sloppy and quick, the
4:51signing of somebody who'd learned as a
4:53child, but I could read every word.
4:56Whitney's hand moved beside her plate.
4:58"Give it 6 months." And Paige, without
5:01even looking up from her salad, signed,
5:03"Did you see her shoes?" All three of
5:05them smiled at me. I felt the blood go
5:08up into my face. My hands were still in
5:10my lap, and then I heard my mother, as
5:13clear as if she were sitting beside me,
5:15"Nora, let people show you who they are.
5:17They always do if you stay quiet long
5:19enough." I put my hands back down. I
5:22smiled, and I took some potatoes. That
5:25night in the car, Ben said so, "Did you
5:27surprise them?" I looked out of the
5:29window for a while. Then I said, "I
5:32decided to wait for the right moment."
5:34He said, "That's sweet." He squeezed my
5:36hand. He had no idea. I couldn't bring
5:39myself to tell him. It was his mother. I
5:42wanted to be completely sure. And so I
5:44told myself, "One more dinner, just to
5:47be fair." One more dinner became a whole
5:49year. We went to that house every other
5:52Sunday, and every other Sunday, I sat at
5:54that table with a pleasant look on my
5:56face, and I read every word. They called
5:59me the art teacher, with little quote
6:01marks. They called me the charity case.
6:04When I brought a pie, Patricia thanked
6:06me warmly and signed to her daughters,
6:08"Store-bought. Throw it out after she
6:10leaves." I'd made it myself that
6:12morning. When Ben told them that my
6:14parents had both passed away, Patricia
6:17put her hand on her heart and said, "Oh,
6:19you poor thing." And with the other
6:21hand, she signed, "Good. No in-laws to
6:23deal with." I went into the powder room
6:26after that one and held onto the sink
6:28for a long time. But something else was
6:30happening at that table, too. Something
6:33I hadn't
6:34Nobody talked to Grandma Evelyn. I mean,
6:37nobody. They used to, I think, a long
6:39time ago. But now they'd wheel her in,
6:42put a plate in front of her, and talk
6:44over her head, just the way people had
6:46talked over my parents. If she signed
6:49something to Patricia, Patricia would
6:51wave her hand and sign, "Later, Mother."
6:53That was the only thing I ever saw her
6:56say to her own mother. "Later. Later,
6:59Mother." And Grandma Evelyn would drop
7:01her hands in her lap and go back to
7:03looking out of the window. I knew that
7:05look. I had seen it on my mother's face
7:07in a hundred waiting rooms. So one
7:10Sunday in the spring, while everyone was
7:12in the kitchen fighting over a casserole
7:14dish, I found myself alone with her in
7:17the sunroom. I checked the door. I knelt
7:20down in front of her wheelchair so she
7:22could see my hands, and I signed,
7:24"Hello, Mrs. Evelyn. My name is Nora.
7:27It's very nice to meet you." I will
7:29never forget her face. Her mouth fell
7:31open. Her hand flew up to her chest.
7:34Then she grabbed my hands and she looked
7:36at them, and she looked at me, and her
7:38hands started flying. "Who taught you?
7:41Your accent is beautiful. You sign like
7:43an old lady. Who are your peoples?" I
7:46signed, "My mother and father. Both
7:48deaf. Both gone now." She started to
7:51cry, and so did I. Then she looked past
7:54me at the kitchen door, and her eyes got
7:57very sharp. She signed slowly, "They
7:59don't know." I shook my head. She
8:02signed, "So you've been reading them all
8:04this time?" I nodded. She looked at me
8:07for a long moment, and then that tiny
8:09old woman began to shake with silent
8:11laughter until she had to wipe her eyes.
8:14She signed, "Oh my dear, don't you tell
8:17them not yet." After that, she and I had
8:20a secret. Every Sunday, I'd find some
8:23reason to sit with her for a little
8:24while in the sunroom. She told me about
8:27growing up on a dairy farm. She told me
8:29about her husband, Frank, who learned to
8:31sign in a single summer just to ask her
8:34to a dance. She told me she hadn't had a
8:36real conversation in 11 years. She
8:39signed, "They think I'm gone already,
8:41Nora. They talk about what to do with me
8:43right in front of me." And I'd tell her
8:45about my father's eyebrows, and she'd
8:48laugh until she coughed. She knew
8:50everything. She had been reading them
8:52for years, too. In May, Patricia
8:54announced that the family would throw a
8:56big party for Grandma Evelyn's 90th
8:59birthday. 100 guests under a white tent
9:02on the lawn. There would be a string
9:04quartet. Patricia had hired a
9:06photographer, and she'd asked a reporter
9:08from the county paper to come. Ben and I
9:11were getting married in September, and I
9:13was invited to help with the flowers. A
9:15few days before the party, Whitney and
9:18Patricia were arranging place cards at
9:20the kitchen table while I was doing the
9:22centerpieces right beside them.
9:24Whitney's hand moved. "What about the
9:27ring?" And Patricia signed, "Don't
9:29worry. I've spoken to the lawyer about a
9:31pre-nup, and Ben will sign whatever I
9:34put in front of him. She'll be gone by
9:36Christmas." Then Patricia looked up at
9:38me and smiled. She said, "Those are
9:40lovely, dear. You're so clever with your
9:43little crafts." I smiled back. I went
9:46out to the sunroom, and I told Grandma
9:48Evelyn. She looked out of the window for
9:50a long time. Then she turned to me, and
9:53she signed, "Nora, I would like a
9:54birthday present." The day of the party
9:56was perfect. There were white roses on
9:59every table and a huge cake. Patricia
10:02wore pale pink and gave a beautiful
10:04speech. She talked about what a devoted
10:06daughter she'd always been and how she'd
10:08opened her home to her mother. She said,
10:11"Mother has been the heart of this
10:12family." Everyone clapped. Grandma
10:15Evelyn sat in her wheelchair at the
10:17front of the tent in a lavender dress
10:19watching Patricia's mouth move. Patricia
10:22took a glass of champagne, smiled for
10:24the photographer, and she said, "And
10:27now, does anyone else have a few words
10:29for mother?" And I stood up. Ben looked
10:32surprised. Patricia looked annoyed. I
10:35walked to the front of that tent past a
10:37hundred people. I didn't take the
10:38microphone. I walked right up to Grandma
10:41Evelyn, and I turned so that she could
10:43see me, and I lifted my hands. Happy
10:46birthday, Evelyn. I signed it big, the
10:49way you sign on a stage, so that
10:50everyone could see. Thank you for being
10:53my friend. The tent went quiet. A
10:55hundred hearing people had no idea what
10:58I was doing. They just knew something
11:00had changed. Somebody near the back
11:02said, "Oh, how sweet. She's learned a
11:04little." I looked over at Patricia. Her
11:07champagne glass had stopped halfway to
11:09her mouth. I kept signing, and I didn't
11:12sign like someone who had learned a
11:13little. I signed the way my father told
11:16jokes. I signed, I grew up with two deaf
11:18parents. Sign language was my first
11:21language. I have understood every single
11:23word at your table for one whole year.
11:26Whitney made a little noise in her
11:27throat. Paige had gone white. They were
11:30the only people in that tent who could
11:32understand me, and they couldn't look
11:34away. Then I turned very slowly so that
11:37I was facing the three of them. And I
11:39signed cheap dress, only after his
11:41money. Give it six months. Charity case.
11:45Store-bought, throw it out. Good, no
11:48in-laws to deal with. She'll be gone by
11:50Christmas. Patricia's glass began to
11:52shake. Champagne ran down over her
11:54fingers. She didn't even notice. Ben had
11:57stood up. He was looking from me to his
12:00mother and back. He said out loud,
12:02"Nora, what's going on? What are you
12:05saying? Mom, what is she saying?" Nobody
12:08answered him. And then Grandma Evelyn
12:10raised one tiny hand, and she pointed at
12:13me, and she nodded, and I understood
12:15what she wanted. So, I said out loud,
12:18"For the first time, your grandmother
12:20would like to say something, and I'll
12:22tell you what she says." Evelyn lifted
12:24her hands. They were old and crooked,
12:27and they were not shaking at all. And as
12:29she signed, I spoke her words into that
12:31silent tent. She said, "My name is
12:34Evelyn. I am 90 years old today. I've
12:36been sitting at that table for 11 years,
12:39and nobody has spoken to me. My daughter
12:41tells you I'm the heart of this family.
12:44She has not asked me a question since my
12:46husband died. Nobody breathed." Evelyn
12:49kept going. She said, "This girl knelt
12:52down on the floor and asked me my name.
12:54She's the only one who has. So, I want
12:57everyone to know, if this family doesn't
12:59want her, I do." Then she looked at her
13:01grandson. She said, "Benjamin, your
13:04grandfather learned to sign in one
13:06summer, so that he could ask me to a
13:07dance. How long do you think you've
13:09got?" I finished speaking. My voice
13:12cracked on the last word. Ben walked
13:15over to his mother. He was very pale. He
13:18said, "Mom, what did you say about
13:19Nora?" Patricia opened her mouth. She
13:22looked around at a hundred guests, and a
13:24photographer, and a reporter from the
13:26county paper. For the first time since
13:29I'd met her, she had absolutely nothing
13:31to say with either hand. And my quiet
13:34orthodontist father-in-law, Richard,
13:37who'd been sitting beside her all that
13:38time, set his napkin down on the table
13:41and said, "Patricia, I think you'd
13:43better go inside." Here's what happened
13:45after. Ben and I got married that
13:48September in a little church in my
13:50hometown. There was no pre-nup. He stood
13:52at the altar, and he signed his vows to
13:54me very badly. He had been taking
13:57lessons three nights a week since the
13:59party. He got one word wrong, and
14:01accidentally promised to love me until I
14:04was a potato. I have never been so happy
14:06in my life. Grandma Evelyn came to live
14:09with us. She said she'd had enough of
14:11the big white house. We turned our our
14:13room into a bedroom, and every evening
14:16she and I sit up and talk until our
14:18hands get tired. She's 92 now. She and
14:21Ben argue about science. She closes her
14:23eyes when she's losing. Patricia didn't
14:26speak to me for most of a year. Then one
14:29Tuesday afternoon, there was a knock at
14:31our door. She was standing on the step
14:33with no makeup on, and she was holding a
14:35sign language workbook, the kind they
14:37give to beginners. She didn't say
14:39anything. She just looked past me at her
14:42mother in the chair by the window. She
14:44lifted her hands slowly with her sloppy
14:46old signing. She signed, "Mother, how
14:49are you?" Evelyn looked at her for a
14:51very long time. I think it was the
14:53longest minute of Patricia's life. Then
14:55Evelyn lifted one crooked hand, and she
14:58signed, "Later." Patricia's face
15:00crumpled, and then Evelyn's eyes
15:02crinkled up at the corners, and she
15:04started shaking with that silent laugh
15:06of hers. She waved her daughter in, and
15:09she signed, "Sit down, you foolish girl.
15:11I'm only joking. It's been 11 years. We
15:15have a lot to talk about." I went into
15:17the kitchen, and I let them talk.
15:19There's a photograph on our wall from
15:21that birthday party. The reporter took
15:24it. It's me and Evelyn in that white
15:26tent with our hands up in the air. And
15:28right next to it is a picture of my
15:30mother and father arguing across a
15:32kitchen, laughing. I look at them every
15:35morning, and I hear my mother as clear
15:38as anything. Let people show you who
15:40they are, Nora. They always do if you
15:42stay quiet long enough. If this story
15:44touched your heart, please subscribe to
15:46Shadow Revenge. There's a new story
15:49every day, and I'd love for you to be
15:51part of it. So, let me ask you, if your
15:53future in-laws were insulting you to
15:55your face in a language they thought you
15:58couldn't understand, how long would you
16:00have stayed quiet? Tell me in the
16:02comments.

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