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My DIL Said “You’re Moving To The Den”—My Son Told Me To “Don’t Make It Weird”... — Transcript

by Porch Light Mom Stories · 3,308 words · 509 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Four days after my son and his wife
0:02moved into my house, my daughter-in-law
0:04set a sweating iced coffee on my
0:06mother's cedar chest, left a white ring
0:08on the lid, and informed me that I would
0:10be moving into the den.
0:12"We're taking the primary suite," Bryn
0:14said, in the tone you'd use to ask a
0:16waiter for a different table.
0:18"It's the only bedroom with its own
0:19bathroom, and I need the closet. You'll
0:21be fine in the den. It has a pullout."
0:23My name is Peg Halloran. I'm 66 years
0:26old, and I have lived in this brick
0:28colonial in Kettering, Ohio, for 31
0:30years. My husband, Frank and I, bought
0:32it in 1994, the year before our son
0:35started kindergarten.
0:37Frank died 5 years ago this November, a
0:39heart attack in the driveway with a bag
0:41of mulch in his arms.
0:43Since then, it has been me, three bird
0:45feeders, and a coffee maker my son once
0:47called aggressively loud.
0:50Dylan stood in my bedroom doorway behind
0:52his wife, thumbs moving over his phone.
0:55He didn't look up. I was sitting on the
0:57edge of my own bed.
0:59My grandmother's quilt was folded at the
1:01foot, and Frank's reading glasses were
1:03on the nightstand, right where they've
1:05been since the funeral.
1:06I asked Bryn to say it again.
1:08I hadn't misheard. I wanted to see
1:11whether she would. She did.
1:13"The primary suite, Peg. Dylan agrees,
1:16right, babe?"
1:17My son nodded at his screen.
1:19"This is my bedroom," I said. "The back
1:21bedroom is the room we agreed on, and
1:23the back bedroom is the room you have."
1:25Bryn tilted her head, the way people do
1:27when they've decided a conversation is
1:29over.
1:30"It's one room. Let's not make it a
1:32thing."
1:33That's when Dylan finally looked up.
1:35He's 35, 6'2", with his father's
1:38shoulders and none of his father's
1:39spine.
1:40"Mom, just be reasonable," he said.
1:43"Don't make it weird."
1:44I looked at my boy for a long moment.
1:46At 16, he followed his friends into
1:49every bad idea in Montgomery County. At
1:5124, he followed a girlfriend to Denver
1:53and came home 11 months later without
1:55the girlfriend or the security deposit.
1:57At 35, he followed Bryn. Whoever stood
1:59closest got his vote.
2:01"The agreement was the back bedroom," I
2:03said and went back to my book. "That
2:06hasn't changed." Bryn picked up her
2:07coffee and left. Dylan trailed behind
2:10her muttering something I'm sure I was
2:12spared from hearing. The ring stayed on
2:14my mother's chest.
2:16That night I lay awake listening to
2:18furniture scrape across the hardwood
2:19down the hall. Then I heard Bryn low and
2:22crisp in the voice she probably saves
2:25for sellers who won't drop their price.
2:27"Her closet first thing tomorrow. Bag it
2:29all up, Dill. Donate whatever's old."
2:32Frank's flannel shirts hang on the left
2:34side of that closet. I have never
2:35managed to give away a single one.
2:38I thought about Frank. He would have
2:39climbed those stairs that very night,
2:41knocked once, and said four words, "Not
2:44in this house."
2:45He was a union electrician for 38 years
2:48and he could end an argument as cleanly
2:50as flipping a breaker.
2:52I am not Frank.
2:54But I spent 29 years as a court reporter
2:56in the Montgomery County Court of Common
2:58Pleas Court and nobody sits that long
3:00taking down every word people say under
3:02oath without learning something.
3:04Spoken words are gone by Tuesday.
3:07Written ones are still sitting there
3:08when the shouting stops.
3:10Which is why back in August when Dylan
3:12called to say their landlord had sold
3:14the building in Beavercreek, I did not
3:16simply hand over a key.
3:18Dylan had been laid off from a freight
3:19company in March. Bryn sold real estate
3:22and the spring market had not been kind
3:24to her.
3:25My son called me in a voice I hadn't
3:26heard since he was nine and I said what
3:29any mother says, "Come stay with me."
3:32But before either of them carried in a
3:33suitcase, I sat them down at my kitchen
3:36table and typed one page. 90 days. The
3:39back bedroom. $400 a month toward
3:42utilities and groceries. Guests by
3:44invitation. Shared chores. No changes to
3:47the house without my written consent. 30
3:49days written notice from either side if
3:51it wasn't working. Dylan signed.
3:54Bryn signed too and called it adorable
3:56that I'd made everything so official. I
3:59know what some of you are thinking, my
4:00friends. Why would a 66-year-old woman
4:02let a grown man and his wife move in at
4:04all? Because he's my son and I'm not
4:07heartless. I'm just careful.
4:09The next morning, I was up at 5:45. I
4:12started the coffee and stood at the
4:14counter and I thought about what I was
4:15going to do for exactly as long as it
4:17took the pot to brew.
4:19By the time it finished, I knew.
4:21Then I went down to the basement for a
4:23roll of packing tape and a stack of
4:25flattened boxes and I told no one.
4:28Dylan's SUV left at 8:15. Brynn had a
4:31breakfast meeting with a client and
4:32Dylan was her driver, which meant 2
4:34hours in a Panera parking lot with his
4:36phone.
4:37That gave me until about 10:30.
4:39In the back bedroom, two suitcases lay
4:42open on the floor with a handful of
4:44boxes against the wall.
4:46The rest of their furniture sat in a
4:47storage unit off Dorothy Lane.
4:49Brynn's skin care bottles had taken over
4:51the dresser and a pink ring of serum had
4:54soaked straight into the finish, no
4:55cloth underneath.
4:57I didn't take it personally. I took a
4:59photograph. Old habits. Then I packed. I
5:02wasn't rough about it.
5:04I folded Brynn's blouses the way I fold
5:06everything, edges squared, because
5:09things handled carelessly get ruined and
5:11ruined things cost money.
5:13Dylan's jeans went on the right, hers on
5:15the left. I rolled their belts into the
5:17corners and sealed their toiletries in a
5:19zip bag so nothing could leak.
5:22I carried the suitcases down one at a
5:23time, my knees voicing every opinion,
5:26and lined them up in the garage next to
5:28the recycling bins. Boxes stacked neatly
5:31behind them. On top of Brynn's suitcase,
5:33I laid a copy of the signed agreement
5:35with paragraph two highlighted in
5:36yellow.
5:37Then I raised the garage door, poured a
5:39second cup of coffee, and waited in the
5:41mudroom doorway. At 10:40, the SUV
5:44turned into the driveway.
5:46Brynn saw the suitcases before the car
5:48had even stopped. Her iced coffee froze
5:51an inch from her mouth.
5:52"What is this?"
5:54she shrieked, loud enough that the
5:56beagle two doors down started barking.
5:58"Last night you rearranged my house
6:00without asking," I said. "This morning,
6:03I returned the favor." "You can't be
6:05serious. I've rarely been more serious.
6:08Dylan came around the car and took in
6:10the suitcases with the face of a man
6:11praying he wouldn't have to pick a side.
6:14Mom, come on. Don't make it weird.
6:16Weird, Dylan, is deciding to move into
6:18your mother's bedroom while she's still
6:20sleeping in it. I let that
6:25Put these in the car and find somewhere
6:26else to stay tonight.
6:28The second, carry them back upstairs to
6:30the back bedroom, and we both follow the
6:32page on top of that suitcase. The one
6:34with both your signatures.
6:36You can't just throw us out, Bryn said.
6:38We have rights. You do.
6:40You have 30 days written notice, which
6:42is exactly why I haven't asked you to
6:44leave.
6:45I've sat in enough courtrooms to know
6:46you follow the process, even when
6:48someone else won't. It's the same page
6:50you called adorable.
6:52Nobody spoke. A car passed on the
6:54street.
6:55A cardinal scolded from my neighbor's
6:57maple.
6:58Dylan looked at the suitcases, then at
7:00Bryn, then at me. And I watched him run
7:03the numbers behind his eyes, the way his
7:05father used to run a load calculation.
7:08Bryn's parents lived in a two-bedroom
7:10condo in Naples, Florida, with her
7:12sister's family. Dylan's best friend,
7:14Marcus, had a couch and a newborn.
7:16Bryn hadn't closed a sale since April,
7:19and their savings would cover maybe 2
7:20months of rent somewhere else.
7:22Okay.
7:23Dylan said quietly.
7:25Bryn said nothing. She grabbed her
7:27suitcase and wheeled it across the
7:28garage floor, and for a good 10 seconds,
7:31that was the only sound in the
7:32neighborhood. They carried everything
7:34back upstairs, and neither of them spoke
7:37to me for the rest of the morning, which
7:38suited me fine.
7:40Tell me something, my friends.
7:42Would you have let a grown child move
7:44back in? Say with rules or never in the
7:47comments, and I'll tell you where I
7:48landed before this story is over.
7:51At noon, I sat at the kitchen table with
7:53a steno pad, the same kind I used for
7:55three decades, and drew a line down the
7:57middle.
7:58When Dylan came down for a sandwich at
8:001:00, it was waiting for him beside the
8:02toaster.
8:03On the left, what the agreement said
8:04they owed. On the right, what they'd
8:06paid. $400 due the day they arrived.
8:10Dylan had given me 150 and a promise.
8:13Balance 250 due Friday. Below that, in
8:16my neatest handwriting, a second line,
8:18refinish cedar chest lid, water damage,
8:21$180 per estimate from Hartzell
8:24Furniture Restoration. You got an
8:25estimate? Dylan stared at the page. For
8:28a water ring?
8:29For damage to my mother's chest.
8:31I called Hartzell while I was waiting
8:33for you to come home.
8:35He sat down across from me, looking like
8:36he'd aged several years since breakfast.
8:39Mom, we moved here to save money. You
8:42moved here because I offered you a room.
8:44I didn't offer you a blank check.
8:46If you can afford something nicer than
8:48this arrangement, you're free to go. If
8:50you can't, the room costs what the page
8:52says.
8:53He didn't argue. That afternoon, he sent
8:56me $250 through Zelle, and an hour
8:59later, another 180, with no message at
9:01all. I wrote both amounts in the steno
9:04pad.
9:05Brin's strategy for the following week
9:06was a campaign of small trespasses.
9:09She moved my coffee mugs to the top
9:11shelf and put protein shakers in their
9:12place.
9:14She worked at the dining room table
9:15until midnight, with her laptop cord
9:17snaking across my grandmother's lace
9:19runner.
9:20Dishes stayed in the sink.
9:22I noticed all of it, and I said nothing.
9:25Then on Thursday, I came home from the
9:27farmers market and found my Lenox China,
9:29the wedding set white with a thin gold
9:31band, which Frank and I used maybe 15
9:34times in 40 years, spread across the
9:36dining room table.
9:37Candle wax had pooled on his mother's
9:39crocheted tablecloth.
9:41Half the plates sat in the sink. Beside
9:43them was a note in Brin's looping
9:45handwriting, used your dishes for a
9:47content shoot, left a few for you to
9:49wash. I stood there for a minute.
9:52Then I washed every piece by hand, dried
9:54it, wrapped each plate in tissue paper,
9:56and returned them all to the China
9:57cabinet. I turned the little brass key
10:00and hung it on a chain around my neck.
10:02On the glass door, I taped an index
10:04card. Guests by invitation, paragraph
10:06four.
10:07To request the dining room, ask by
10:09Wednesday.
10:10Brin read the card from the kitchen
10:12doorway and snorted. Are you serious
10:14right now? Completely. It's on your
10:16copy, too. She went quiet after that.
10:19The kind of quiet that is louder than
10:20yelling. Closet doors shut a little too
10:23carefully.
10:24She stopped meeting my eyes over the
10:26coffee maker. I watered my ferns and
10:28slept well. The next Friday morning, I
10:31was carrying a basket of clean towels
10:33down the hall when I heard Brin's voice
10:35from my living room. Bright and glossy,
10:37the voice she uses on clients.
10:40She stood in front of my fireplace with
10:42her phone clipped to a ring light. From
10:44the hallway, I could see the little red
10:46live badge on the screen. Hey loves,
10:49welcome to the new place, she said.
10:51Isn't this living room stunning?
10:52Original hardwood, a gorgeous brick
10:54fireplace, great bones.
10:57We're opening up that kitchen next
10:58spring, so stay tuned for the reno. I
11:01stepped into the frame, set the towels
11:03on the arm of Frank's chair, and smiled
11:05at the camera. Good morning, I said. I'm
11:08Peg Halloran. My husband and I bought
11:10this house in 1994, and I'm the owner.
11:13My son and his wife are staying with me
11:15for 90 days while they get back on their
11:17feet. It's a lovely home. The kitchen is
11:19not being opened up. Have a wonderful
11:21day, everyone.
11:23I picked up my towels and walked out.
11:25Behind me, I heard Brin stammer
11:27something about my mother-in-law. She's
11:29just and then the tap of her thumb
11:31ending the stream.
11:33Within the hour, her phone was buzzing
11:34non-stop. I learned later, partly from
11:37Dylan and partly from the thin walls of
11:39an old house, that 1,100 people had been
11:42watching and that one of them was her
11:43broker, Diane.
11:45By dinner, the video had vanished from
11:47Brin's page, and Diane had scheduled a
11:49conversation for Monday morning about,
11:51as Brin put it through a closed door,
11:53misrepresentation. I never said a harsh
11:55word about her. I just stood in the
11:57frame. That evening, Dylan found me in
11:59the kitchen.
12:00You did that on purpose? I told the
12:02truth. You humiliated her in front of
12:041,100 people. I turned off the tap.
12:07Dylan, your wife told 1,100 strangers my
12:10house was hers. I corrected the record.
12:12It's the only thing I ever did for a
12:13living." He didn't answer.
12:16Under the light over the sink, he looked
12:18less like the man he was trying to be
12:20and more like the 14-year-old who used
12:22to sit on that stool and tell me about
12:23his day.
12:24"We can't keep doing this," he said
12:26finally. "No," I said, "we can't."
12:30I took the steno pad from the drawer and
12:32opened it to a page I'd prepared 3 days
12:34earlier.
12:35"I've been looking at a few other
12:37things," I said. "Your phone.
12:39I've carried your line on my Verizon
12:40plan since you were laid off in March.
12:42$118 a month for the two of you.
12:46I never mentioned it because that's what
12:48mothers do. I called them this morning.
12:50Your line's moved to your own account on
12:52the 15th. You'll want to pick a plan
12:54before then."
12:56Dylan stared at the page. "Mom, we're
12:58already paying you." "You're paying a
13:00share of the utilities in a house where
13:02you pay no rent. The phones were never
13:04part of our agreement.
13:06I simply never stopped covering them.
13:08There's one more thing."
13:10I slid a cream-colored envelope across
13:12the counter.
13:13Inside was a single typed page, 30-day
13:16written notice per paragraph seven.
13:18Beneath my signature, I'd added a line.
13:21"I'm happy to write a reference for any
13:23landlord." Tucked behind it was a page
13:25from my kitchen calendar with a date 30
13:27days out circled in green highlighter.
13:29"You're kicking us out."
13:31"I'm doing exactly what the page says,
13:33which is more courtesy than I got. You
13:36gave me one night's notice that you
13:37wanted my bedroom."
13:39"Bryn is going to be Bryn is 32 and
13:41she'll survive a hard month. So will
13:43you. I'm counting on it." He didn't
13:45reply.
13:47He read the notice for a long time,
13:49folded it in half, and carried it
13:50upstairs.
13:52The house went quiet in a way I hadn't
13:54heard in years. I raked leaves. I
13:56refilled the feeders. I slept in my own
13:58bed with the window cracked, the way I
14:00like it. Dylan came to me twice.
14:03Once to ask if I'd reconsider
14:05and once to ask if I'd keep his phone
14:07line a few more weeks because of
14:08unexpected expenses.
14:10I said no both times in the same voice,
14:13not unkindly, but without leaving the
14:15door open even an inch.
14:17They found a one-bedroom on the second
14:19floor of a building in Centerville. No
14:21laundry in the unit. Bryn had wanted a
14:23loft in Oakwood with a kitchen island,
14:26but it cost $600 a month more than they
14:28could carry, and she didn't want to
14:30touch what was left of their savings.
14:32There was no moving company, only Marcus
14:35and a borrowed pickup. All that Saturday
14:37morning, the sounds from upstairs were
14:39the sounds of a house being unlived in,
14:42tape ripping, boxes dragging, Bryn's
14:44voice rigid and low.
14:47At 10:30, Dylan came into the kitchen
14:49with the last box on his hip, the one
14:51with his high school yearbooks. He set
14:53it on the table. We're done.
14:55I see that. He lingered. There were dark
14:58circles under his eyes.
14:59When Dylan is tired, he looks most like
15:01his father, the polish wears off and
15:04something plainer shows through. Mom, I
15:07he started and stopped. Whatever he'd
15:08planned to say never came out. You know
15:10where I live? I said. He picked up the
15:12box and left.
15:14Through the front window, I watched Bryn
15:16in the passenger seat of Marcus's truck,
15:18staring straight ahead. She'd left her
15:20spare key on the hall table next to my
15:22mother's cedar chest, whose lid had been
15:24refinished the week before and gleamed
15:26like new. The truck pulled away.
15:29I stood in the hall for a minute. Then I
15:32walked through every room on the first
15:33floor and opened every window, even
15:36though it was November and the air
15:37smelled of cold leaves and wood smoke. I
15:39took the brass key off my neck and set
15:41it back in the china cabinet. I carried
15:44my coffee mugs back down to the lower
15:46shelf where my hand knew them. Upstairs,
15:48I sat on the edge of my bed beside the
15:50quilt and Frank's glasses and opened the
15:52closet.
15:53The flannels were on the left side,
15:55every one of them exactly where I'd left
15:57them. Three weeks later, on a gray
16:00Sunday, the doorbell rang. Dylan stood
16:02on the porch alone, holding a Kroger bag
16:04and an envelope. I brought pot roast
16:07supplies, he said. I figured you could
16:08tell me what I'm doing wrong. We cooked
16:10together, mostly in silence. Halfway
16:13through dinner, he put his fork down. I
16:15told you to be reasonable, he said. You
16:17were the only reasonable person in that
16:19house and I knew it. And I stood there
16:21looking at my phone. I let her talk to
16:23you like that. I'm sorry, Mom, for all
16:25of it. That's an apology."
16:27It's a lot later than it should have
16:28been.
16:29He told me Bryn was working through a
16:3160-day review at the brokerage and not
16:33talking about it much and that he'd
16:35start Monday as a dispatcher at a
16:36trucking company in Moraine.
16:38They were arguing less. They were paying
16:41their own phone bills. I went to my desk
16:43and came back with an envelope of my
16:45own. "$800," I said. "Everything you
16:48paid me toward the household. Two more
16:50people barely moved my utility bills and
16:52I'd have fed you for nothing if you'd
16:54asked me like a person. I put it in an
16:56account the week you moved in.
16:58It's yours, toward a down payment on
17:00whatever house you buy someday."
17:02I slid it across to him. "The ledger was
17:04never a punishment, Dylan. It was
17:06practice." He cried a little. I let him.
17:09The next morning I made my coffee in
17:11Frank's old Buckeyes mug and carried it
17:13upstairs to my bedroom. A cardinal
17:15landed on the feeder outside the window.
17:18The quilt lay folded at the foot of the
17:19bed. The glasses sat on the nightstand.
17:22The flannels hung in the closet.
17:24I had spent 66 years being flexible.
17:27That morning I was simply home.

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