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My Daughter-in-Law Said I Don't Deserve My Pie On Thanksgiving: "This House Doesn't Run On Your P... — Transcript

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0:00Nobody warns you that the loudest sound
0:03at a dinner table is the one that comes
0:06after the cruel thing gets said, when
0:08everyone waits
0:10to see if you'll stand up for yourself
0:12or sit there and take it. It was the
0:14second Monday of October, Thanksgiving,
0:17and I was reaching for a second slice of
0:19pumpkin pie when my daughter-in-law
0:22decided to put me in my place. My name
0:24is Brenda Coleman.
0:25I am 66 years old, a widow of 6 years,
0:30and until that afternoon, I believed I
0:32was a welcome part of of my son's
0:34family.
0:36Before I go any further, tell me the
0:38town you're listening from. It means a
0:41lot to me.
0:42I'd been in their kitchen since 8:00
0:44that morning.
0:46I had brined the turkey the night before
0:48at my own place and carried it over in a
0:51cooler.
0:52I peeled 5 lb of potatoes and I made the
0:55pie from my mother's recipe, the one
0:58with the slightly too much nutmeg. The
1:01oven I used was a double wall oven I
1:03paid for because Madison told us the old
1:06one wasn't safe for entertaining. The
1:08dining table, solid maple, seats 10, was
1:11my gift, too. And the house itself,
1:14well, I'll get to the house.
1:17Across from me sat my son Jeremy and
1:19beside him his wife Madison, who is 34,
1:23wears her hair in a sleek ponytail and
1:26has never once called me anything but
1:28Brenda in a tone you'd use for a
1:30cashier. At the end of the table sat
1:33Madison's mother, Karen, in a cardigan
1:36I'd given her last Christmas. Between
1:38them my grandchildren, Hudson, who is
1:41nine, and little Arya, who is six, were
1:44pushing peas around their plates.
1:47Madison watched me cut the pie and gave
1:49a small, tight smile. "Brenda, maybe go
1:53easy on the dessert. You've been parked
1:56in that kitchen all day while Jeremy and
1:58I are actually running this household.
2:01I set the knife down.
2:03I cooked the dinner, Madison. I believe
2:06I can have a piece of pie.
2:08She put her wine glass down, not hard,
2:11just precisely.
2:13She didn't look angry. She looked bored.
2:16I'm only being honest.
2:18You treat this place like your personal
2:20resort. You help out here and there, and
2:23suddenly you think you own the room. But
2:25let's be real. This house doesn't run on
2:28your pension. You don't deserve that pie
2:31when Jeremy is the one carrying the real
2:34stress in this family.
2:36Karen made a little noise into her
2:38napkin, half a laugh. Well, she's not
2:41wrong, dear. A woman your age should
2:44know when to be grateful.
2:46Nobody moved. Hudson stopped chewing his
2:48bun.
2:50Arya looked at her father.
2:52I looked at my son, too. I want you to
2:54understand that I looked at him the way
2:56I did when he was seven and had broken
2:59the neighbor's window with every bit of
3:02hope in me that he would do the right
3:03thing.
3:05Jeremy picked up his fork.
3:07He looked at the pie. He took a bite.
3:10He said nothing at all.
3:12That was the part that went in deepest.
3:15Madison's words were just words.
3:17His silence was an answer.
3:20I didn't cry and I didn't raise my
3:22voice. I pushed my plate away, stood up,
3:25wiped a smear of cranberry off Hudson's
3:29chin with my thumb, and kissed the top
3:31of his head. Then I got my wool coat
3:34from the hook in the front hall. Madison
3:36followed me to the door with her arms
3:38crossed.
3:39Don't be dramatic, Brenda.
3:42We just want you to respect our
3:43boundaries and recognize who the real
3:46providers are.
3:48Good night, Madison, I said.
3:51It was a clear, cold evening and the
3:54maples along the street were nearly
3:56bare.
3:57Driving home through Hamilton, past the
4:00Tim Hortons where Russell and I used to
4:02split a maple dip every Saturday. I
4:05heard my husband's voice in my head.
4:08He used to say, "I'd fill everyone
4:09else's potholes and never look at my own
4:12tires."
4:13Madison was right about one thing. The
4:15house didn't run on my pension. My
4:18Canada Pension Plan survivor's benefit
4:21and my old school board pension cover my
4:24groceries and a little more.
4:26That house ran on Russell's life
4:28insurance, our savings, and the sale of
4:31our family home. Everything I had left,
4:34in other words, and I'd handed it over
4:36with a smile for 6 years.
4:39I pulled into my townhouse garage and
4:42sat there a moment. Then I went in, made
4:44a pot of red rose tea, and opened my
4:47laptop at the kitchen table.
4:49I should tell you what I'd done because
4:52it matters.
4:533 years earlier, when Jeremy's
4:56contracting business hit a bad patch and
4:59the bank wouldn't renew their mortgage,
5:01I put $90,000
5:04into that house. Not a gift. I was
5:07careful about that, thanks to Russell,
5:10who was an accountant for 35 years and
5:13made sure I understood paper. I had a
5:15lawyer register a second mortgage on the
5:18title in my name.
5:20It carried a demand clause, which meant
5:23I could call the full amount due with 90
5:26days written notice.
5:28Jeremy and Madison signed it at our
5:30lawyer's office on Barton Street.
5:33For 3 years, I had let them skip the
5:35payments, 650 a month,
5:38forgiven because I'm a mother.
5:41On top of that, I'd been quietly paying
5:43for the following. The property tax,
5:46about 4,000 a year, which I covered
5:48because Madison said the lump sum
5:51stressed her out. The hydro and gas,
5:53which were still in my name.
5:55The Rogers internet, the family cell
5:58plan, Hudson's hockey fees, and Arya's
6:01skating lessons, Karen's drug plan
6:04co-pays, Because Karen lived in the
6:07finished basement suite I paid a
6:09contractor $11,000 to build so she could
6:13be close to the grandkids. And every
6:16weekday from 7:00 in the morning until
6:186:00 at night I was the unpaid driver,
6:21cook, tutor, and nurse for two children
6:24while their parents worked or in
6:26Madison's case took what she called me
6:29time.
6:30I didn't make a list out of anger. I
6:33made it because I wanted to look at the
6:35whole thing at once, the way you look at
6:38a quilt laid flat on a bed to see how
6:41much of the pattern was mine.
6:43Then I drank my tea, went to bed, and
6:46slept better than I had in months.
6:49Tuesday morning I woke at 6:00 and my
6:52body still expected to be going
6:53somewhere.
6:54For 6 years that hour meant lunches and
6:57car. I lay there with that old tug of
7:00obligation, let it pass, and got up.
7:03I logged in to my carrier and bank
7:06accounts. First thing, the cell phone
7:08plan. It was a family account in my name
7:11and the four lines on it belonged to
7:13Jeremy, Madison, Karen, and one see for
7:17Hudson that he used for hockey texts. I
7:19removed Madison's and Karen's lines and
7:23kept Jeremy's and Hudson's for a month
7:26because I wasn't going to leave my
7:27grandson unreachable. Then the credit
7:30card, the one I had given Madison for
7:33emergencies. Over the past year
7:36emergencies had turned into a Peloton
7:38subscription, meal kits, and a weekend
7:41in Niagara on the Lake that I found out
7:43about when the charge came through.
7:46Three clicks, canceled.
7:48Then the utilities. Hydro and gas would
7:52come off my name on the first of the
7:54month,
7:55I decided, which gave them nearly 3
7:58weeks to set up their own accounts.
8:00I called the utilities, spoke with a
8:02polite young man named Dev at the first
8:05one,
8:06and arranged both in under 10 minutes.
8:09The internet I handled differently. I
8:11scheduled the cancellation for Friday.
8:14I wasn't being cruel. I just wanted to
8:16be sure the message reached them before
8:19the weekend.
8:21At 9:00, I called my lawyer, Mr. Wells.
8:24He has handled our family papers since
8:261998,
8:28and he listened with that quiet lawyerly
8:30patience.
8:32"You'd like to issue the demand notice,"
8:34he said.
8:36"I would."
8:37"Brenda, you understand what it will
8:39mean. 90 days, they'll have to refinance
8:43or sell."
8:44"I understand what it will mean, Mark.
8:47I've understood it for a while. I just
8:49wasn't ready until yesterday."
8:52He said he would have it drafted and
8:54couriered by Thursday.
8:56I thanked him, hung up, and went out to
8:59prune my roses for the last time before
9:01frost.
9:03The first call came at 10:00 past 3:00
9:04that afternoon from Madison over home
9:07Wi-Fi. I let it ring. She tried twice
9:10more, then messaged me.
9:12"Brenda, my phone says no service. Call
9:15me now."
9:16I wrote back, "I took your line off my
9:19plan. It was in my name. You'll need to
9:21set up your own."
9:23My phone rang in my hand before I'd even
9:25set it down. This time I answered.
9:29"What is wrong with you?"
9:30Madison's voice was high and tight. "Mom
9:34can't call her pharmacy. The card got
9:36declined at Loblaws. Are you seriously
9:39doing this over a joke about pie?"
9:42"It wasn't a joke, Madison. It was your
9:44honest opinion. You said it plainly, and
9:47I listened." I leaned against the
9:49counter. "You and Jeremy are the
9:51providers. I'd hate to intrude on a
9:54household that doesn't run on my
9:56pension."
9:57"You can't just cut us off like this."
10:00"I can, and I did. Hydro and gas move
10:04into your names on the 1st. The internet
10:06goes Friday. I suggest you call this
10:08week."
10:09She sputtered. Behind her, I heard Karen
10:12saying something sharp.
10:14Then Madison said, in a small voice I
10:17hadn't heard from her before, Brenda, we
10:20don't have the deposits.
10:22That sounds like a provider's problem, I
10:24said gently, and hung up.
10:27That evening, Jeremy showed up on my
10:29front step,
10:31alone, hat in his hands, still in his
10:33work boots with drywall dust on them. He
10:36didn't ring the bell.
10:38He stood there for a full minute before
10:40I opened the door, leaving the storm
10:43door between us.
10:44Mom.
10:46Jeremy.
10:48This is a lot. Madison's really upset.
10:51Karen's I mean, everybody's pretty
10:53upset.
10:54I'm sure.
10:56He rubbed the back of his neck the way
10:58his father did.
11:00She didn't mean it the way it sounded.
11:03She meant it exactly the way it sounded.
11:06And you sat there and ate your pie.
11:09He looked at his boots. I didn't want to
11:11make it worse.
11:13Worse for who? I asked.
11:15He had no answer for that. Maybe I'd
11:18have softened if he had.
11:20I told him I loved him, which was true,
11:23and that I'd see him and the children on
11:25Saturday as always, but that the
11:28arrangement was over.
11:29Then I closed the door quietly and
11:32turned off the porch light.
11:34Wednesday was the first day I did not
11:36show up at 7:00.
11:38I told them by text on Tuesday night, I
11:41will no longer be providing weekday
11:43child care.
11:45Please make other arrangements starting
11:47tomorrow.
11:48I know my daughter-in-law.
11:50She didn't believe it. For years, my
11:53boundaries had been made of tissue
11:54paper. I'd threaten to step back, then
11:57cave the second. Madison said she was
12:00overwhelmed, or Jeremy said money was
12:03tight. She assumed I'd still show up by
12:067:15 with a bag of clementines and my
12:09good intentions, caving like always.
12:12I packed a small bag and drove an hour
12:15to a bed and breakfast outside Niagara
12:18on the lake that I'd had my eye on for
12:20years. I'd booked it with the money from
12:22selling Russell's old golf clubs, which
12:26Jeremy never used and Madison called
12:29clutter.
12:30I sat in a sunroom, drank a cup of
12:32coffee while it was actually hot, and
12:35read half a novel without looking at the
12:37clock once.
12:39My phone, turned face down, buzzed
12:41against the table all morning like a
12:43trapped bee. By 10:00, there were 14
12:46missed calls. By noon, I checked. The
12:49longest text was from Madison. "Where
12:52are you?
12:53Arya is crying. Hudson missed the bus. I
12:55have a client at 9:00. Jeremy's already
12:58on site. Mom is no help. She says her
13:01back hurts. This isn't funny."
13:03I typed back, "I'm taking a few days for
13:06myself. Have a good week at work." Then
13:09I switched on Do Not Disturb and went
13:12for a walk along the lake. I did a lot
13:14of walking those three days. I went
13:17through antique shops and ran my hands
13:20over old pine cupboards. I ate an apple
13:23fritter on a bench and watched sailboats
13:26being hauled out for the winter.
13:28At some point on the second afternoon, I
13:31understood something that I'd spent 6
13:33years avoiding. I'd mistaken being
13:36needed for being loved. I thought if I
13:39made myself useful they would one day
13:42look up and see me.
13:44But a person who is used doesn't turn
13:46into a person who is cherished.
13:49They just become a more reliable
13:50resource.
13:52On Friday, I drove home and listened to
13:55the voicemails in my driveway with the
13:57engine still running.
13:59The first, from Wednesday, was furious.
14:02Madison said I was behaving like a
14:04spoiled child, that she'd had to take an
14:06unpaid day, that Karen couldn't manage
14:09the kids. The second, Thursday evening,
14:13was lower. The courier had come with Mr.
14:15Wells's envelope, and I could hear the
14:17paper shaking in her hand. "Brenda, this
14:20says 90 days. This says
14:23full repayment of $90,000.
14:26Is this real? You can't do this."
14:29The third was from Friday morning, and
14:31I'll admit it hurt to hear Hudson's
14:33voice, small, coming through. "Grandma,
14:37it's me. Mom said I could call you
14:40before school. Are you mad at us? Can
14:42you come to my game?"
14:44I called him back from my kitchen table,
14:46with my hands not quite steady.
14:49I told him I wasn't mad at him, not even
14:52a little, that I loved him and Arya more
14:56than anything in the world, and that I
14:58would be at his game on Saturday morning
15:01with a thermos of hot chocolate.
15:03That wasn't a punishment, and it wasn't
15:05a bargain. It was simply the one promise
15:08I could keep without paying for it with
15:11my self-respect.
15:13On Saturday, I went to the rink at 8:00,
15:16sat in the stands in my good parka, and
15:18cheered when Hudson stopped a shot.
15:21Jeremy stood at the glass with his arms
15:23crossed, looking like a man who hadn't
15:26slept. After the game, Hudson hugged me
15:29so hard my ribs creaked.
15:32"Madison's really worried," Jeremy said
15:34quietly when the kids went to the
15:36lockers.
15:37"She wants to talk."
15:39"I'm sure she does.
15:41I'm not available to be talked at,
15:42Jeremy."
15:44"She's just stressed."
15:46She wasn't stressed. She was
15:48comfortable.
15:49"That's different." I screwed the lid
15:52back on the thermos.
15:54"I'll be happy to speak with Madison
15:56when she's ready to say something true,
15:59but I won't be talked out of the
16:00notice." "That's not a feeling.
16:03That's a signature."
16:04What followed, over the next 3 months,
16:07was exactly what you'd expect if you've
16:10ever watched people who've never done
16:13without suddenly be asked to do without.
16:16They called Mr. Wells, who politely
16:19referred them to the document.
16:21They went to their bank about
16:23refinancing.
16:25I heard about this later from Jeremy.
16:28The slow stretch in his business had
16:30left a thin file, and Madison's
16:32part-time wellness job didn't bring in
16:34enough to qualify without my forgiven
16:37payments quietly padding their budget.
16:40And with the property tax and utilities
16:43now landing on them, the arithmetic
16:45simply did not work.
16:47The bank offered them a number.
16:50It wasn't 90,000.
16:52Karen moved out of the basement in the
16:54first week of November into a friend's
16:56condo in Burlington, declaring loudly
17:00that she wouldn't stay somewhere so
17:02poisoned.
17:03I didn't hear that from Madison.
17:06I heard it from my neighbor, who saw the
17:08U-Haul.
17:09Madison stopped calling me. Jeremy
17:12didn't.
17:13On a Sunday in early December, he came
17:15by again. Not with his hat in his hands
17:18this time, with a thick folder. He sat
17:21at my kitchen table in Russell's chair
17:24without being asked and put it down.
17:27"We're listing the house," he said. "The
17:29realtor's coming Tuesday.
17:31It's the only way."
17:33"I'm sorry it came to that," I said, and
17:35I was.
17:36"Are you?"
17:38He wasn't being nasty. He truly wanted
17:40to know.
17:41I took a moment. "I'm sorry you're
17:43hurting. I'm not sorry I stopped.
17:46They're different things, and I think
17:49you're old enough to hold both."
17:51He nodded slowly, and then, to my great
17:54surprise, he started to cry. My big,
17:57quiet, drywall-dusted son, who'd never
18:00once cried at his father's funeral
18:02because he thought it was his job to be
18:04strong.
18:05"I let her talk to you like that for
18:07years," he said. "Not just at dinner,
18:10years. Ease I told myself it was easier.
18:14I told myself you didn't mind. And Mom,
18:17you were paying for everything, and I
18:19let her say you weren't." He wiped his
18:21face with the back of his hand. I'm
18:23ashamed. I don't know how to fix it.
18:26You don't fix it in one afternoon, I
18:29said. You fix it by doing it differently
18:31for a long time.
18:33He nodded. I got up, put the kettle on,
18:36and made him a cup of tea, and I put a
18:39piece of leftover pie in front of him,
18:41the last one I'd frozen from that
18:43weekend.
18:44He laughed through his tears and said,
18:46"Is this the pie?" And I said, "It's a
18:49pie."
18:50The house sold in 11 days in a hot week
18:54for the market for a hair under what
18:56they'd hoped. After the realtor's
18:58commission, the legal fees, and my
19:0190,000,
19:02the remainder was about enough for a
19:04first and last deposit and a moving
19:07truck. It wasn't the disaster it could
19:10have been, and it wasn't the comfortable
19:13life Madison had been performing either.
19:17I went there once more on the last day.
19:19Mr. Wells had asked me to attend for the
19:22final walk-through and to collect the
19:24check on closing day, and I decided to
19:27do it in person.
19:28It was a gray Thursday in early January,
19:32snow coming down in lazy flakes. The for
19:34sale sign had a bright sold banner
19:37across it.
19:38Madison was in the driveway directing a
19:40pair of movers toward the maple dining
19:43table, which would not fit into the
19:45townhouse they'd rent in Stoney Creek.
19:49The table I bought. She'd have to sell
19:51it, or I could take it back.
19:54I had already made that decision. I was
19:56going to take it.
19:58She stood very straight in a puffy coat
20:01with her hair pulled back and no makeup.
20:04She looked younger and honestly
20:07a bit frightened.
20:08"I assume you're here to gloat," she
20:10said.
20:12"No," I said. "I'm here for the check
20:14and the table."
20:16She looked at me for a long while.
20:18"Karen says you've ruined us."
20:21"Karen's in a condo in Burlington that's
20:23someone else is paying for. She'd say
20:26that.
20:27A muscle moved in her jaw. Then, very
20:30quietly, in a voice with no performance
20:32in it, she said, "I was awful to you."
20:35"You were."
20:37"I thought." She stopped.
20:40"I really did think you were just there,
20:42like the furnace.
20:44You never asked for anything. I thought
20:46that meant it didn't cost you anything."
20:49That was the first true thing she had
20:51ever said to me,
20:53and I let it sit between us in the
20:54falling snow.
20:56"It cost me a great deal," I said. "I
20:59just didn't send you the invoice."
21:01She nodded. Her eyes were wet, but she
21:05didn't wipe them. "Is there any way we
21:07could
21:08No, Madison. Not the money. Not the
21:11weekday mornings. Not the credit card."
21:14I said it kindly, but I did not leave
21:17any room in it. "But if you would like
21:19to learn how to be family with me,
21:21rather than a client of mine, I'll be at
21:24Hudson's games on Saturdays. You can sit
21:27beside me and bring your own coffee."
21:29She was quiet. Then she nodded once,
21:32hard, like someone swallowing a pill.
21:35The movers loaded my maple table into
21:38the back of Jeremy's smaller work van,
21:40and I drove behind them to my own
21:42garage, where it now sits in my dining
21:45room, with my own chairs around it.
21:47Seats 10. I rarely have 10.
21:51It's been a little over a year since
21:53that dinner now, and almost 10 months
21:56since closing day. So, I'll tell you how
21:58it's gone.
22:00Jeremy and Madison live in a two-bedroom
22:03townhouse.
22:04Madison picked up full-time hours at a
22:08physiotherapy clinic, and I'm told she's
22:10good at it. Jeremy took on a steadier
22:12contract with a developer, and stopped
22:15saying yes to every friend who needed a
22:17favor. They pack their own lunches.
22:20Hudson told me, proudly, that his mom
22:22clips flyer coupons now, and I had to
22:26look at my teacup for a minute.
22:28I have the children every Saturday and
22:30every second Wednesday afternoon by my
22:33choosing, not by anyone's schedule. We
22:36bake. We go to the library. Sometimes we
22:39do nothing in particular and it's
22:41lovely. I am their grandmother. I am not
22:45their nanny and I am not their bank.
22:48Madison sits beside me at the hockey
22:50rink most Saturdays.
22:52We don't talk much. Last month she
22:55handed me a coffee without being asked
22:58and it was exactly the way I take it,
23:00double double, and I understood she'd
23:03been paying attention all along, even
23:05when she'd pretended not to.
23:07As for me, I joined a pottery class at
23:10the community center and a Tuesday
23:12morning walking group along the Bruce
23:14Trail.
23:15I redid my spare room into a studio,
23:18paid for in cash. Last week I booked a
23:21trip to Newfoundland for June, just me
23:24and a rented car and whatever the
23:26Atlantic has in store.
23:28Russell used to say, "I filled
23:30everyone's potholes and ignored my own
23:33tires." I'm finally putting air in the
23:35tires.
23:37At Thanksgiving this year, I hosted at
23:40my own maple table with my own turkey in
23:42my own kitchen. Jeremy carved. Madison
23:46brought the potatoes. Hudson said grace
23:49and he said it for me, which I did not
23:51expect. When dessert came out, my
23:53daughter-in-law set a slice of pumpkin
23:55pie in front of me before anyone asked
23:58and said in a voice that only I could
24:01hear, "You deserve this."
24:04I did, I thought. I always had.
24:06I ate every bite.
24:09It is a quiet heartbreak to watch
24:11someone you raised stay silent when they
24:13should have stood up for you.
24:16Have you ever had to draw a hard line
24:18after a grown child failed to defend
24:21you?

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This page contains the full transcript of My Daughter-in-Law Said I Don't Deserve My Pie On Thanksgiving: "This House Doesn't Run On Your P... by Blood Without Boundaries, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 3,788 words across 602 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

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Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to choose a caption track available on the video.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, caption language selection, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.