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My Daughter-in-Law Invited Me to Christmas Eve Dinner—to Babysit Four Kids. So I Flew to Bali Ins... — Transcript

by Mothers Tricks · 3,540 words · 576 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00My daughter in law told me not, not to
0:03bring a single thing to Christmas Eve
0:04dinner and I was foolish enough to be
0:07touched by it.
0:08It was the Tuesday after Thanksgiving
0:11and I was standing at my kitchen counter
0:13in Columbus snapping lids onto leftover
0:16containers when my phone lit up with
0:18Danielle's name. Her voice was bright.
0:22She said she and Spencer wanted me at
0:25their house on the 24th.
0:27That it had been too long since we'd had
0:29a proper Christmas Eve together.
0:32I'd love that, I said. I meant it.
0:35My husband Steven died 6 years ago this
0:38March and the holidays have never quite
0:40stopped feeling like a table with one
0:42chair too many pushed in.
0:44What can I bring? I've been wanting to
0:47try that cranberry stuffing from the
0:48church cookbook.
0:50Oh Nancy, don't bring anything, Danielle
0:53said. Just come early and wear something
0:56comfortable.
0:57I stood there with a container in my
0:59hand. In 11 years of being
1:02mother-in-law, I'd never once been told
1:04to come empty-handed. Every Easter,
1:07every 4th of July, I'd been handed an
1:09assignment. Two sides and a pie, please
1:12Nancy.
1:14I put the cookbook back on the shelf and
1:15told myself this was a kindness. Maybe
1:18she'd finally notice that I was tired.
1:21I walked down the hall to my bedroom and
1:23took my good cream silk blouse off its
1:26hanger.
1:27The one Steven bought me for our 30th
1:30anniversary.
1:31I held it up to the light from the
1:33window and smiled at it like a fool.
1:36My phone was still in my other shirt
1:38hand and a message from my friend Bonnie
1:40was sitting on the screen.
1:42She'd been after me since September to
1:45join her in Bali over the holidays. Her
1:48late husband's life insurance had
1:49finally gone through, she'd said, and
1:52she refused to spend Christmas alone in
1:54Dayton with a rotisserie chicken. I'd
1:57been typing a reply while Danielle
1:59talked.
2:00I'm so sorry, Bon. Family invited me for
2:03Christmas, so I'm going to have to pass.
2:06Before I hit send, I asked Danielle one
2:09more thing. Just logistics. Should I
2:12plan on staying over or drive home that
2:14night? What time does dinner usually
2:16wind down?
2:18Well,
2:19Danielle said, and her voice slid into
2:21something light and breezy that I should
2:23have recognized. The kids eat at 5:00.
2:27Then the adults head out at 6:00, and we
2:29should be back around 11:00.
2:31I looked at the blouse. The kids eat at
2:335:00.
2:34The adults head out at 6:00.
2:37Danielle, I said, am I included in that?
2:40The line went quiet. I heard a muffled
2:42argument, a hand over the receiver, and
2:45then my son's voice, already defensive.
2:48Mom, it's Spencer. We booked a table at
2:51Ristorante Alba for 6:00. Me, Danielle,
2:54and her sister Allison and Caleb.
2:57Their two kids are coming here to hang
2:59out with Chloe and Wyatt.
3:01Four seats.
3:02I counted them in my head again, because
3:04I wanted to be wrong.
3:06Spencer, Danielle,
3:08Allison, Caleb. That was four. The table
3:11was for four adults, and there was no
3:13chair for me. There was no chair for me.
3:15There had never been a chair for me.
3:18I was the fifth item on a schedule
3:19written in beside the pizza order and
3:21the bedtime routine.
3:22You knew about this, I said. It wasn't
3:25really a question.
3:27We figured you'd rather be home with the
3:28kids, Spencer said. You hate crowded
3:32restaurants at Christmas, and you didn't
3:34have any plans.
3:36You didn't ask whether I had plans.
3:39My voice was level, which surprised me.
3:42My chest felt like someone had cinched a
3:44belt around it.
3:46I did not tell him about Bali.
3:48I'd been about to turn it down on their
3:50behalf.
3:51They'll be asleep by 8:00, Nancy,
3:53Danielle called from somewhere in the
3:55background. It's honestly the easiest
3:58night of the year.
4:00Four children, I said, ages 2, 4, 6, and
4:049. Who's in charge of them from 5:00
4:06until 11:00?"
4:08Nobody answered.
4:10"I accepted a dinner invitation," I
4:12said. "I did not agree to work a shift.
4:15I won't be taking this one."
4:17"Mom, come on," Spencer groaned.
4:20"We've been planning this for weeks."
4:22"Then you have weeks left to find
4:24another arrangement. Please tell Allison
4:27to make other plans.
4:29Good night, honey."
4:30I hung up either of them could build a
4:32case.
4:34Then I carried the silk blouse back to
4:35the closet.
4:37I didn't shove it into the back this
4:39time. I hung it right at the front where
4:41I'd see it.
4:43And I deleted the message to Bonnie.
4:45December arrived with a hard frost that
4:48turned my lawn to white wire. I sat at
4:51the kitchen table with black coffee and
4:53my laptop.
4:54The saving statements fanned out in
4:56front of me. I'd been holding a travel
4:58fund for 2 years, a little account I'd
5:01never touched because every time I got
5:03near it, one of the kids needed
5:05something. A new transmission, a
5:07furnace, a roof repair Spencer swore
5:11he'd pay back by spring.
5:13Spring had come and gone.
5:15I picked up the phone.
5:17"Is the Bali offer still open?" I asked
5:19Bonnie.
5:20"Always," she said, and I could hear her
5:23grinning. "I already booked a room at
5:25the resort, but they've got villas left.
5:27We could fly together out of Chicago."
5:30"Nancy, are you sure? Really sure?"
5:33I looked as
5:35I looked at the number on the statement.
5:37I looked at the expiration date on my
5:39passport, which still had 4 years left
5:42on it, and at the kitchen calendar
5:44where nothing was written in the squares
5:46between the 18th and the 31st except a
5:50dentist appointment.
5:52"I really am," I said.
5:54It took me an hour of fighting with an
5:56airline website to find a flight leaving
5:59Chicago on December 18th and getting me
6:01home January 3rd.
6:04When the confirmation page loaded, my
6:06finger hovered over the button. A hot
6:09wave of guilt rolled through me. As
6:11ridiculous as it sounds, I was about to
6:14spend serious money to be on the other
6:16side of the planet on Christmas morning.
6:18And every habit I'd built over 38 years
6:22of mothering told me that was a crime.
6:26I clicked it anyway.
6:28Then I wrote to Spencer, "I'll be out of
6:30the country December 18th through
6:32January 3rd.
6:34Let's do a video call Christmas Eve so I
6:36can see the kids."
6:38I didn't attach a resort photo. I didn't
6:40add a single line to make him feel bad.
6:43The dates were enough.
6:45A few days later Danielle called back.
6:47Her voice had a tightness in it, like a
6:50smile being held in place with pins.
6:53"Allison and Caleb backed out," she
6:56said.
6:57"I told them you weren't available to
6:58watch their kids, so they made other
7:00plans. But since it's just Chloe and
7:03Wyatt now, we thought you could come for
7:05an early dinner.
7:07Then Spencer and I would still go to
7:09Alba, just the two of us."
7:11I sat down on the edge of the bed. She
7:14was offering me the very same job,
7:16wrapped in slightly different paper.
7:19"So you want me to cancel my trip, eat
7:21an early dinner, and stay with the
7:23children while you go out?"
7:26"We thought you'd want Christmas with
7:28your grandchildren,"
7:29Danielle said. And there it was, the
7:32small hook of accusation.
7:34"I do want time with them," I said. "I'm
7:37keeping my trip."
7:38Spencer took the phone. "Mom, you can't
7:41just fly across the world because your
7:43feelings are hurt."
7:45"Honey, I'm not flying anywhere because
7:48I'm hurt. I'm flying because I was
7:50invited somewhere and said yes."
7:53He let out a ragged breath.
7:55"Fine. Then at least call the
7:57Henderson's girl down the street, the
7:59high school one.
8:01Get her set up and just be the contact
8:04in case something happens."
8:06I shut my eyes. Even now, he was handing
8:08me the logistics.
8:10"You can call her yourself," I said.
8:13"And you can't list me as an emergency
8:15contact while I'm on another continent.
8:18That's not how emergencies work."
8:21"Why are you doing this?" he said. "Why
8:23would you want to be that far from your
8:25own family at Christmas?"
8:28"I'll see you before I leave," I said,
8:30and I ended the call.
8:32A week before my flight, I drove over
8:35with the wrapped presents, telling
8:37myself I'd stay 10 minutes.
8:39The second I stepped inside, the living
8:41room felt colder than the weather.
8:43Danielle barely looked up from her
8:45laptop. Spencer gave me a nod so tight
8:48it hurt to watch. I set the boxes beside
8:51the tree and reached for the buttons on
8:53my coat.
8:55"Grandma!" Chloe came flying down the
8:57hall, 6 years old and holding a paper
9:00grocery bag stuffed with graham
9:02crackers, frosting tubes, and candy.
9:05"You promised we'd make the gingerbread
9:07house today."
9:08I had.
9:10On a video call the week before, I'd
9:12promised her exactly that.
9:14I looked up and found Spencer watching
9:16me from the doorway, arms crossed,
9:18waiting to see if I'd let her down.
9:21As though he wanted to be proven right.
9:23I took my coat off and laid it over a
9:25chair. "I did promise," I said. "I'm
9:28sorry, sweet pea. I nearly forgot. Let's
9:30build."
9:31We sat at the kitchen island for almost
9:33an hour, gluing walls with frosting that
9:36refused to hold. Wyatt, who was four and
9:40ate more candy than he used, kept
9:42stealing gumdrops off the roof.
9:44"Are you going to be here when I open my
9:46presents?" Chloe asked, pressing a
9:49peppermint into the icing.
9:52"No, baby," I said, and my ribs ached
9:54with it. "I'll be very far away, and I'm
9:57going to miss you something terrible."
9:59Spencer, leaning on the counter, said
10:02quietly, "I always thought at your age
10:04you'd want to hold on to every holiday
10:07you could get."
10:08"I do want to be near them," I said,
10:11meeting his eyes.
10:12"I also want to take this trip. Both of
10:14those are true."
10:16We agreed on a Christmas Eve call before
10:18I left.
10:20The flight to Bali took over 20 hours of
10:22cramped seats, stale coffee, and a
10:25layover in Seoul, where I fell asleep
10:27sitting up with my purse in my lap.
10:30By the time Bonnie and I reached the
10:31resort, the sun was blazing on flowering
10:35hedges, and my internal clock had
10:37completely shattered.
10:39It was December 19th. I was in paradise,
10:42and my mind was still parked in Ohio.
10:45I kept checking my phone.
10:47Spencer had texted once, short and flat.
10:50They'd called everyone they knew, and
10:52still had no sitter for the 24th. I
10:55typed, "You could try the Prentiss
10:57family from church," and then deleted
11:00it. That wasn't mine to solve anymore.
11:02The habit just wouldn't loosen.
11:04The next morning, Bonnie knocked on my
11:06door in a straw hat and a swipe of
11:09sunscreen across her nose.
11:11"I'm walking down to the beach," she
11:13said. "Come on."
11:15I glanced at the phone. It was evening
11:17back home, and the kids would be
11:19finishing supper.
11:21"I'll wait here," I said, "in case they
11:23call."
11:24Bonnie didn't argue. She just nodded and
11:27left.
11:28I sat on that perfect white hotel bed
11:30for 2 hours, watching the battery icon
11:32drain.
11:33It never rang. There was no scheduled
11:36call. Nobody had asked for me. I was
11:39simply holding my day open on the chance
11:41that someone, somewhere, might need
11:44something. When I finally wandered down
11:46to the open-air pavilion,
11:48Bonnie was done with breakfast, sipping
11:50iced tea over a paperback.
11:53I ordered a plate of papaya and ate it
11:55without tasting a single bite. I had
11:58paid several thousand dollars to sit in
12:01the most beautiful place I'd ever been,
12:03and I was still arranging my whole
12:05existence around people who hadn't asked
12:08for my time.
12:10That afternoon, a tropical downpour
12:11trapped us on the porch of my villa.
12:14Rain hammered the banana leaves in
12:16sheets.
12:17Rather than sit quietly, I did what I
12:20always do.
12:21I pulled out the little notebook where
12:23I'd mapped the next 3 days.
12:26"Okay, so tomorrow at 10:00, I thought
12:28we'd do the temple tour." I said,
12:30sliding it across the glass table.
12:33"Then the market, and I'll carry the
12:35bags.
12:36And I found a seafood place for dinner I
12:38think you'll love. I already looked at
12:40the menu."
12:42Bonnie picked up a pen. She read my
12:44color-coded schedule, smiled at me
12:46gently, and drew a thick line through
12:49the afternoon and evening.
12:51"I only want the temple." she said.
12:54"After that, we'll see where we end up."
12:56I stared at the crossed-out ink.
12:59"Then what do you need me to do?" I
13:00asked, and my voice came out smaller
13:03than I meant it to.
13:05Bonnie set the pen down. "Nancy, I
13:07invited you because I like your company.
13:10I don't need a manager. I can find my
13:12own dinner."
13:13I looked at the notebook and slowly
13:15closed it. I'd been trying to make
13:17myself useful again.
13:19Even here, at the edge of the world, I
13:22couldn't sit down until I'd earned the
13:24chair.
13:25"What do you want to do on Christmas
13:27morning?" Bonnie asked.
13:30I started to say whatever you want. I
13:32stopped.
13:33"I want breakfast at that table by the
13:35water." I said. "I want to sit there a
13:38long time.
13:40And I don't want to get up and clear a
13:41single plate."
13:43"Perfect." she said. "9:00."
13:45I texted Spencer right then. "Christmas
13:48morning is 8:00 to 8:20 here, which is
13:508:00 to 8:20 Christmas Eve evening your
13:52time. Does that work for the kids? Not
13:55for you." I thought.
13:57"For the kids." a minute later. "That
14:00works."
14:02On the morning of the 23rd, a message
14:04arrived that I read twice.
14:07Spencer wrote that since they couldn't
14:08find a sitter they trusted, he and
14:10Danielle had canceled the Alba
14:12reservation.
14:14The restaurant had kept the deposit,
14:17$240,
14:18because they'd waited too late.
14:21They'd be staying home. Then a text
14:23message 3 minutes later.
14:26"Could you stay on the call with the
14:27kids for a couple of hours while
14:29Danielle and I cook and eat?
14:31You could read to them.
14:33Keep them busy."
14:34I stared at the screen. He was trying to
14:37give me the shift through the internet.
14:39Nearly 10,000 miles didn't seem to
14:42matter.
14:43I typed slowly, making sure my thumbs
14:46didn't betray me.
14:47"Spencer, the call is to visit and wish
14:50each other a Merry Christmas.
14:52I'll be on from 8:00 to 8:20 my time.
14:55After that, you and Danielle will need
14:57to take over.
14:58I have plans with Bonnie."
15:00His reply came back cold as a coin.
15:02"Fine, I'll handle it."
15:04Every instinct I'd honed over nearly
15:06four decades was screaming at me to text
15:09him again. Apologize. Smooth it over.
15:12Offer one more hour, one more favor,
15:14make his night easier.
15:16My thumb actually hovered.
15:18Then I locked the phone and set it face
15:20down on the nightstand.
15:22I took the cream silk blouse out of my
15:24suitcase. Yes, I'd packed it, and I'll
15:27answer the question some of you are
15:28already asking. I also packed linen,
15:31cotton, and a wide-brimmed hat because
15:34I'm 63, not senile. The blouse was for
15:37Christmas. I hung it on the closet door
15:40beside the crooked card Chloe had made
15:42me, glitter shedding onto the tile.
15:46On Christmas morning at exactly 8:00, I
15:48sat on the villa porch in that blouse
15:51and started the video call.
15:53It was 7:00 in the evening on Christmas
15:54Eve in Columbus.
15:57Chloe's face filled the screen.
15:59"Grandma, look!"
16:01"Daddy helped me finish our gingerbread
16:02house.
16:03The roof stayed on."
16:05"It's beautiful, sweet pea."
16:08Behind her, I could see their kitchen,
16:10and it was not the picture of the calm
16:12evening they'd planned.
16:14Boxes of takeout shells for a Christmas
16:17casserole sat open on the counter.
16:20Spencer was wrestling a roasting pan
16:22into the oven. Danielle was running a
16:24dish towel across a sticky spill and
16:26looked as though she'd been crying and
16:28had then reapplied her makeup in the
16:30dark.
16:32Wyatt was under the table shouting at an
16:34invisible dragon.
16:36Nobody was getting dressed up for
16:38anything.
16:39Nobody was going anywhere.
16:41They were just home sharing the load.
16:45We talked for a while. Wyatt wanted me
16:47to look at his dragon.
16:49Chloe wanted to know whether Bali had
16:51snow.
16:52Then she asked for a story and I read
16:54from a little picture book I'd picked up
16:57at the resort gift shop.
16:59I listened to the kids chatter. I did
17:01not ask whether the house was clean or
17:04the turkey breast was thawed. It was a
17:06strange wobbly kind of freedom.
17:09At 8:20 I smiled at the camera.
17:11All right, my loves. Grandma has to go
17:14eat breakfast.
17:15No, keep reading, Wyatt said.
17:18And his lower lip began to tremble. The
17:20tug in my chest was enormous.
17:23It's always the little ones who find the
17:24soft spot.
17:26I can't, buddy, I said, but your dad can
17:28take over. Spencer?
17:30Spencer stepped into the frame drying
17:32his hands on a dish towel looking mildly
17:35panicked. Mom, I don't know the rest of
17:38this book.
17:40Make up what happens next, I said.
17:42He hesitated. Then he sighed, lowered
17:45himself onto the couch beside Wyatt and
17:47said, "Well, the monkey ran away. But
17:50then a reindeer got lost in our garage."
17:53Wyatt giggled. That was not how the
17:55story went. I almost said so.
17:58But Wyatt laughed again and I let my son
18:00keep going.
18:01I waved, ended the call, and set the
18:04phone down on the bed.
18:06At 9:00 I walked into the pavilion.
18:09Bonnie was already at the table by the
18:10water.
18:12When the waiter came, I ordered exactly
18:14what I wanted without checking whether
18:16it was the cheapest thing on the menu.
18:19I ate my eggs while they were still hot.
18:22I flew home on the 3rd of January into a
18:24gray Ohio morning.
18:26The week after I drove to Spencer and
18:28Danielle's with a small box of carved
18:30wooden birds for the kids.
18:32The ice from the holidays had not
18:34entirely melted, but it had gone soft at
18:37the edges the way a pond does in March.
18:40Danielle sat across from me with both
18:43hands wrapped around her coffee mug.
18:46"I want to say something." She began and
18:49her voice caught.
18:51"I should never have promised Allison
18:53you'd watch their kids before I asked
18:55you.
18:56That was wrong of me and I shouldn't
18:58have put you in a position where you had
19:00to say no to a house full of children."
19:03"Thank you." I said. I set down my tea.
19:06"Next time ask me first before you make
19:08the promise, not after."
19:11She nodded. Then, quieter, she said,
19:14"Christmas Eve was a disaster. Chloe had
19:17a meltdown at 6:00. Wyatt at 9:00.
19:20We never made it to a restaurant and we
19:23lost the deposit for nothing.
19:25Allison hasn't spoken to me since. She
19:27said I embarrassed her by promising
19:29something that wasn't mine to give."
19:31I didn't say I told you so. I didn't
19:33need to. Spencer, standing in the
19:36doorway, rubbed the back of his neck.
19:38"There's something else." He said.
19:42"I looked at our budget last week. I'd
19:44been counting on you for the
19:45after-school program, the $450 a month
19:48you've been covering since September.
19:51I never asked if that was okay.
19:54I just let it happen."
19:56"It wasn't a gift I'd planned to make
19:57forever."
19:58I said. "I did it because I wanted to
20:01help, not because I was obligated."
20:04"I know." He said. "I'll cover it from
20:06now on, starting this month."
20:09It was the first time in a long while
20:11that my son had looked me in the eye and
20:13not through me.
20:15We spent the rest of the afternoon on
20:17Bali.
20:18Danielle actually listened. Chloe sat on
20:21my lap scrolling through the pictures on
20:23my phone, narrating each one. Temple,
20:26rice terraces, a monkey stealing a
20:28banana from a tourist.
20:30A few days later, a text arrived from
20:33Danielle. Spencer and I would love to go
20:36to our anniversary lunch this Sunday.
20:39Would you be able to take Chloe and
20:40Wyatt? We could drop them off at 11:00
20:43and pick them up at 2:00.
20:45I opened my calendar. My Sunday was
20:47clear, and it was clear because I'd left
20:50it that way. I wrote back, "I'd love to.
20:53See you at 11:00."
20:54They arrived right on time.
20:57At exactly 2:00, Spencer pulled into my
21:00driveway to collect the kids. The
21:02afternoon had been cookies and a puzzle
21:04and a long nap for Wyatt on my couch.
21:07Nobody had been scheduled into it
21:09without being asked.
21:11"What was your favorite part of the
21:12trip, Grandma?" Chloe asked, zipping up
21:16her coat. She was holding a photo of me
21:18on the villa porch in the cream silk
21:21blouse.
21:22"Breakfast with my friend," I told her.
21:24"Just sitting there."
21:26After they pulled away, I went down the
21:28hall to my bedroom, slid the blouse off
21:31its hanger, and held it against me for a
21:33moment. I didn't need a holiday or an
21:36invitation or anyone's permission to
21:39wear it again.

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