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My Daughter In Law Emptied Her Plate in My Lap at Christmas Dinner. My Son Kept Eating. I Didn't... — Transcript

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0:00The gravy hit my cream silk blouse
0:02first, a hot greasy streak that ruined
0:06it before I could even flinch. Then the
0:08whole plate tipped. Sliced prime rib,
0:12sweet potato casserole, and a heavy
0:14spoonful of cranberry relish landed in
0:17my lap with a wet slap that killed every
0:19conversation at the table. I sat
0:22perfectly still. The heat soaked through
0:24my wool skirt and stung my thighs.
0:27My daughter-in-law, Alyssa, stood over
0:30me holding the empty plate and she did
0:33not gasp. She did not reach for a
0:35napkin. She looked down at what she had
0:37done and said, in a voice as flat as a
0:40dinner mat, "Oops. My hand slipped."
0:44Nobody moved. My son Blake sat at the
0:47head of the table in my house, at my
0:50table, the one my late husband Leonard
0:52and I bought the year we got married. He
0:55stared at his plate. He cut another bite
0:57of prime rib and chewed it like a man
1:00alone in a diner.
1:02Wherever you're listening from right
1:03now, I'd love to know.
1:06Leave the name of your town in the
1:08comments.
1:09Across from him sat Gloria, my neighbor
1:12of 30 years. Her fork frozen halfway to
1:15her mouth.
1:16Alyssa's parents were there, too, along
1:19with her cousin and his wife.
1:21Not one of them said a word.
1:23I didn't scream. I didn't cry. I didn't
1:27ask for an apology because I knew any
1:29apology I got would be worth less than
1:32the napkin I was holding. I looked at
1:34Alyssa. Her chin was lifted and the
1:37corner of her mouth was curled just
1:39slightly. She wanted a scene. She wanted
1:42me to shake and sputter
1:44so she could tell everyone later
1:47that Barbara had a temper, that poor
1:49Alyssa had only had an accident, that I
1:52was difficult and always had been.
1:55So I gave her nothing. I blotted the
1:57worst of the gravy with my cloth napkin,
2:01set it on the table, and pushed my chair
2:03back slowly.
2:05The legs scraped the hardwood, and in
2:07that quiet room, it sounded like a door
2:10being dragged shut.
2:12I picked up my purse from the floor. I
2:14kept my voice low, so low that every
2:17person at that table had to lean in to
2:19hear me.
2:21"Then you won't mind if I do this." I
2:23said.
2:24And I took out my phone, right there, in
2:27the middle of my own dining room.
2:30None of them had any idea what was
2:32coming.
2:33To understand how a plate of Christmas
2:35dinner ended up in my lap,
2:37you have to understand the 3 years
2:39before it.
2:41My name is Barbara Harper. I am 68 years
2:44old, a retired school secretary from a
2:46small town outside Council Bluffs, Ohio.
2:49Ohio.
2:50Leonard died of a heart attack three
2:52winters ago while shoveling our
2:54driveway. After the funeral, our
2:57four-bedroom colonial got very big and
2:59very quiet.
3:01Blake was 30 then, newly married to
3:04Alyssa, and complaining about what rent
3:06was doing to them.
3:08I offered them the upstairs primary
3:10suite.
3:11I wrote the terms on a yellow legal pad
3:13because that's the kind of woman I am.
3:16One year, they'd save for a down payment
3:19and move on. Blake signed it with a
3:22flourish, and Alyssa hugged me and
3:24called me a lifesaver.
3:27That was 36 months ago.
3:29I should have enforced that legal pad
3:31the day the year ran out.
3:34I've heard it from my friends since and
3:35from my own conscience at 3:00 in the
3:37morning.
3:39But grief makes you soft in strange
3:41places.
3:42I told myself it was only a few more
3:44months.
3:45I told myself a house should have people
3:48in it.
3:49What it had was a takeover, and it came
3:51slowly.
3:52Alyssa started with the kitchen. She
3:55reorganized my cabinets, and one
3:57Saturday I found my cast iron skillet,
4:00the one my mother gave me, in a donation
4:03bag by the garage because it didn't go
4:05with the vibe. My good dish towels
4:08disappeared. My coffee maker was
4:10replaced by a machine that needed pods.
4:14Then she started commenting on when I
4:16used the kitchen as though I were a
4:18guest who stayed too late.
4:21I moved my things into the small
4:23downstairs room off the hall to give the
4:26two of them space. Somewhere in that
4:28move, I stopped being the owner of the
4:31house and became a lodger in it.
4:34And I paid for all of it.
4:36Blake had quit a steady job as a project
4:39coordinator at Griffin Construction to
4:41start what he called a creative studio,
4:44branding for small businesses.
4:47In 3 years, it had brought in exactly
4:50$1,100.
4:51Alyssa worked 20 hours a week at a
4:53boutique and spent most of the paycheck
4:56on clothes and oat milk lattes.
4:59I paid the property taxes. I paid the
5:02electric, the water, the gas, the
5:04internet. I bought the groceries every
5:07week and watched Alyssa post photos of
5:10my roast chicken online with captions
5:13about her home cooking.
5:15When her sedan started to embarrass her,
5:18Alyssa wanted a new Chevrolet Tahoe.
5:21I co-signed the loan so they'd get the
5:23rate.
5:25Within 2 months, the payments were
5:26coming out of my account
5:29because the two of them had somehow
5:30never gotten around to setting up their
5:32own.
5:33Whenever I brought up money, Blake would
5:35say, "Mom, we're working on it."
5:39Alyssa would roll her eyes and mutter
5:41that I ought to be grateful, since
5:43otherwise, I'd be rattling around that
5:45big house all by myself.
5:48I wasn't grateful. I was tired in a way
5:51sleep didn't touch. I was bankrolling
5:53two healthy adults who treated me like a
5:56housekeeper with a checkbook.
5:59That plate wasn't an accident. It was
6:02Alyssa's way of showing me my place.
6:04What she didn't know was that I was
6:07finally ready to show her hers.
6:10Standing at the table, I unlocked my
6:12phone.
6:13Alyssa folded her arms and watched me
6:16with annoyance and a little confusion,
6:18as if I were fumbling with a TV remote.
6:21Blake finally lifted his head.
6:24I opened my banking app.
6:26Years ago, I had set up a joint
6:28household account so Blake could pick up
6:31groceries and the occasional utility
6:34bill.
6:35It had become the pipe through which my
6:37retirement distributions flowed straight
6:40into their lives.
6:41I tapped into it.
6:43The balance was $14,860.
6:48I typed in the full amount and moved it
6:51back into my own savings account. The
6:53balance dropped to zero.
6:55Then I went to the scheduled payments.
6:58The Tahoe payment was set to draft at
7:009:00
7:01the next morning. I tapped cancel and
7:04the screen asked me if I was sure. I
7:06was.
7:07Next came the credit card I had let them
7:09carry as authorized users. I removed
7:13both names. Then the electric company's
7:15portal,
7:16where the account sat in my name on my
7:18card, I deleted the payment method.
7:21Past due in 4 days. I did not explain. I
7:25did not announce a single thing. I
7:27tapped my screen a few times and quietly
7:29took apart the net they had been lying
7:32on for 3 years.
7:34"Mom," Blake said. His voice was tight.
7:37"What are you doing?"
7:39I did not answer him. I put the phone in
7:41my purse and closed the clasp.
7:45I looked at the ruined silk, then at the
7:47two of them. They had built an easy,
7:50comfortable life on top of my
7:51generosity, and neither one had ever
7:54once looked down.
7:56"Enjoy your dinner," I told the room.
7:59Gloria set down her fork. She looked at
8:01me, and then very deliberately at
8:04Alyssa, and in her eyes was something I
8:06hadn't seen from anyone at that table in
8:09a long time. It was shame, and it wasn't
8:12hers to carry.
8:14I walked down the hall to my room and
8:16left the mess on the floor.
8:19I had spent 3 years cleaning up after
8:21those two. I was done wiping their
8:24spills.
8:25In my room, the silence was a relief
8:28after the one I'd left behind. I didn't
8:31stop to examine my feelings. I pulled
8:34the small leather duffel from under the
8:36bed, the one I kept packed for weekend
8:38trips to see my sister. I added
8:41sweaters, my blood pressure pills, and
8:44my jewelry box. I took the folder with
8:46the deed, my passport, and my financial
8:49papers. I peeled off the gravy-soaked
8:52skirt and blouse and dropped them in the
8:54wastebasket.
8:56I put on slacks and a warm sweater.
8:59When I opened the door, Blake was
9:01standing in the hallway, shifting from
9:03foot to foot like he was 12 and had
9:06broken a window.
9:08"Mom, come back to the table. Alyssa
9:11didn't mean it. You're making a big deal
9:13out of nothing."
9:15"Nothing," I repeated.
9:17He wouldn't meet my eyes. I shifted the
9:19strap on my shoulder.
9:22"I'm going out, Blake."
9:24"It's Christmas."
9:26"That stopped mattering at about 6:40
9:28tonight."
9:30I walked past him to the front door.
9:32He trailed after me, his voice rising
9:35when he saw the bag. "Are you leaving?
9:38You can't just leave. What about the
9:40rest of the holiday?"
9:42I stopped at the console table and
9:44picked up my keys. I looked at my son.
9:4833 years old, a grown man who had let
9:51his wife humiliate his mother in her own
9:53home,
9:54and kept chewing.
9:56"I'm going away for a while," I said.
9:58"The house is yours to manage."
10:01I stepped out into the cold. The air hit
10:03me like a slap of clean water, and I
10:06woke up all the way.
10:09The porch lights twinkled on the railing
10:11Leonard had painted every spring.
10:14The house looked warm and welcoming from
10:16the driveway, a postcard of a family. I
10:19knew what was inside it.
10:21I got in the car, turned the heat on
10:23high, and backed out. On the highway
10:26with the tires humming under me, I felt
10:29something strange. It took a mile or two
10:31to name it. I felt light. The anger had
10:35burned off like fog, and what was left
10:37was cold and clear.
10:39I pressed the button on my dashboard to
10:42call my daughter, Jennifer.
10:44She lived 40 minutes away in Columbus in
10:48an apartment near the Short North.
10:51Jennifer had stopped coming to holiday
10:53dinners 2 years earlier.
10:55She said she couldn't sit there and
10:57watch how Alyssa spoke to me.
10:59I had told her she was exaggerating. I
11:02had told her that more than once.
11:04And I would be sorry about it for a long
11:06time.
11:08She answered on the second ring. "Mom,
11:11is everything okay?
11:13I'm on my way to you. Can I use your
11:15guest room for a few days?"
11:17"Of course. What happened?"
11:20"Alyssa put her dinner in my lap.
11:22Blake sat there and watched, so I cut
11:24the cord."
11:26Jennifer let out a long breath.
11:28"All of it?
11:29The joint account, the Tahoe, the
11:31utilities, all of it."
11:34"Good," she said, firm as a fence post.
11:37"Drive safe. I'll put the kettle on and
11:39make up the bed."
11:41The dashboard clock said 7:15.
11:45I didn't turn on the radio. I just drove
11:47and watched the city lights come up out
11:49of the dark ahead of me.
11:52For 3 years I had been terrified of an
11:54empty house.
11:56Driving away from a full one, I
11:58understood that the only thing I was
11:59leaving behind was a weight.
12:02Stay with me because the next part
12:04matters, but first I'm curious.
12:08Families sometimes treat the most
12:10generous person like a bank that never
12:13closes. Have you ever been expected to
12:15foot the bill for someone else's big
12:18celebration?
12:19I had been at Jennifer's an hour when my
12:22phone lit up on her kitchen island. She
12:24poured two mugs of chamomile and glanced
12:27at the screen.
12:29"It's starting." She said.
12:31It was a text from Blake.
12:34"Alyssa tried to order something for the
12:35after-Christmas sales and the card
12:37declined.
12:39Did you lock it?"
12:41I took a slow sip of tea and set the
12:43phone face down. 10 minutes later it
12:45buzzed again. "Mom, seriously.
12:48The account says zero. What did you do
12:51with the money? Alyssa is freaking out."
12:54The money was mine. It had always been
12:57mine. They'd just forgotten, the way you
13:00forget the ground is holding you up.
13:03Then the phone rang with Alyssa's name
13:05across the screen.
13:07I watched it shiver against the granite.
13:10When it went to voicemail, she called
13:12right back.
13:13"Aren't you going to answer?" Jennifer
13:15asked.
13:17"There's nothing to discuss."
13:19An alert dinged. The auto lender
13:22notifying me of a payment that would not
13:24be processed. The same email had hit
13:27Alyssa's inbox at the same second and my
13:30screen filled up. "You canceled my car
13:33payment? Barbara, pick up the phone
13:35right now. You can't do this. We can't
13:38afford that truck."
13:40I turned the phone off and dropped it in
13:42my purse.
13:43I looked at my daughter and smiled.
13:46"Your guest bed looks very comfortable."
13:49For the first time in years, I slept
13:52through the whole night.
13:54The next morning, winter sun poured
13:56through Jennifer's windows. I made
13:58coffee and enjoyed the small luxury of
14:01nobody complaining that I was clattering
14:03the mugs.
14:05At 9:00, I turned my phone back on. 22
14:08missed calls.
14:1018 from Blake, four from Alyssa. Dozens
14:13of texts that ran from angry demands to
14:16pitiful guilt trips. I read none of
14:19them.
14:19Instead, I opened my wireless carrier's
14:22app. When Blake started his studio, I'd
14:26put them on my family plan to save them
14:28money. I selected both of their lines
14:31and removed them.
14:32It took effect immediately.
14:34Jennifer came in tying her robe. Any
14:37updates?
14:38They're going to need a new phone
14:40carrier today.
14:42Brutal, she said and grinned. But fair.
14:45They wanted to be the heads of the
14:47household, I said. I'm only handing over
14:51the responsibilities that come with the
14:53title.
14:54By noon, I'd logged into the internet
14:56provider for the house and changed the
14:59Wi-Fi password.
15:01I signed out of every streaming service
15:03on every device.
15:05Each comfort they'd leaned on was tied
15:07to my name and my wallet. I didn't need
15:10to argue. I didn't need to raise my
15:12voice. I only needed to close my wallet
15:15and let gravity do what gravity does.
15:19The knock came at 10:00 after 2:00.
15:22Jennifer looked through the peephole and
15:24said, "It's your son."
15:26She opened the door and planted herself
15:28in the frame. Blake stood in the
15:30hallway, red-faced and breathing hard.
15:34His coat half-zipped.
15:36I need to talk to Mom.
15:38She doesn't want to talk to you.
15:41I put a hand on Jennifer's shoulder.
15:43It's fine. Let him speak.
15:46His eyes were wide. Mom, the Wi-Fi's
15:49down. Our phones don't work.
15:52The lender says the Tahoe gets
15:54repossessed if we're not current by the
15:551st, and the account's empty. Fix this.
15:59There's nothing to fix, I said.
16:02I took my money out of my account. I
16:04stopped paying for a truck I don't drive
16:07and phones I don't use.
16:09We can't afford any of that. His voice
16:11cracked. You know the studio isn't
16:14making money yet. Alyssa only works
16:16part-time.
16:18Then Alyssa can take more shifts and you
16:20can get a job.
16:22You can't just abandon us.
16:25You're 33, Blake. You live in my house
16:28rent-free. Yesterday, your wife emptied
16:31a plate in my lap and you sat there and
16:33ate your prime rib.
16:35I'm not abandoning you.
16:37I'm resigning as your doormat.
16:40He stared at me. He had expected me to
16:42fold. He had been counting on it for 3
16:45years.
16:46"Go home," I said. "You have a lot of
16:49bills to look at."
16:50I closed the door gently, which I think
16:53hurt him more than slamming it would
16:56have.
16:572 days later, I met a real estate agent,
17:00Jennifer's friend, recommended at a
17:02coffee shop downtown.
17:05I didn't need any complicated legal
17:07maneuvers.
17:08The deed was in my name alone and the
17:11mortgage had been paid off with
17:12Leonard's life insurance. I signed the
17:15listing agreement right there between
17:17the napkin dispenser and my latte.
17:20Her name was Wendy and she had a
17:23handshake like a bear trap.
17:25That afternoon, I finally answered one
17:28text.
17:29I kept it short. The house goes on the
17:31market Monday. The photographer comes at
17:3410:00 a.m.
17:35You have 30 days to find another place
17:37to live.
17:39The call came within a minute.
17:41Alyssa, on a borrowed phone since hers
17:44was dead. I put it on speaker so
17:46Jennifer could hear.
17:48"You can't sell the house," she
17:50shrieked. "Where are we supposed to go?
17:53We don't have a deposit for an
17:55apartment."
17:56"That sounds like a financial problem,
17:58Alyssa. It isn't mine."
18:01"We're family. You're being so selfish.
18:03You owe us."
18:05"I owe you nothing," I said. "You wanted
18:08to run the house. Now you can pay for
18:10your own."
18:12I told her to have the kitchen clean for
18:14the photographer and I hung up.
18:17Then I blocked Blake's number and hers.
18:20There was nothing for them to grab onto.
18:23No lease, no equity, no claim.
18:27All the power they thought they had over
18:29me was a trick of my own willingness to
18:31put up with it. And once I pulled that
18:33permission, their whole world folded
18:36like a card table.
18:38The next morning, Gloria called me.
18:41She had plainly spent the night working
18:43up the nerve. For a minute she said
18:45nothing, and then she said,
18:48"Barbara, I should have stood up at that
18:50table. I've been sick about it since
18:52Christmas. I'm so sorry."
18:55"You were as stunned as I was," I told
18:58her.
18:59"I wasn't stunned enough," she said.
19:02"I've never been so ashamed of keeping
19:04my mouth shut."
19:06Then she added that Alyssa's own mother
19:08had cornered her daughter in the
19:10driveway that night and told her she'd
19:12embarrassed the whole family.
19:15I don't know if that's true. I like to
19:17think it is.
19:19The house sold in under 3 weeks to a
19:22young couple with a baby on the way.
19:25It went for a little over asking, and
19:27the closing was set for the 1st of
19:29February.
19:31My 30 days ran out on a gray Saturday in
19:34late January, and that morning I drove
19:37back to the house for the first time
19:38since Christmas. Jennifer rode beside
19:41me. Two movers followed in a truck.
19:44The Tahoe was still in the driveway, and
19:47a tow truck was backing in behind it.
19:50A man in a reflective vest stood at the
19:53bumper with a clipboard.
19:55I had called the lender myself that
19:57week.
19:58My name was on that loan, and I was not
20:01going to let it rot in my credit file
20:03while two grown people played chicken
20:05with it.
20:06Alyssa stood on the frosted lawn in her
20:08slippers, arms wrapped around herself,
20:11no makeup, her hair in a clip. When she
20:15saw my car, she came across the grass
20:17fast.
20:18"You did this," she said. "You called
20:21them."
20:22"I did."
20:23"That's my truck.
20:25It was a truck I paid for, I said,
20:27for 14 months.
20:29The man in the vest cleared his throat
20:32and asked her to step back from the
20:34vehicle. She didn't hear him.
20:37"We have nowhere to put our things," she
20:39said. "The apartment is tiny. It smells
20:42like somebody else's cooking. Do you
20:45know how humiliating this is?"
20:47I looked at her for a moment. "I have
20:49some idea," I said.
20:52Blake was on the porch with a cardboard
20:54box in his arms.
20:56He looked 10 lb lighter and about 10
20:59years older.
21:01He wore a work jacket with a warehouse
21:03logo stitched over the pocket.
21:06And his hands had the raw look of
21:07someone who had started lifting for a
21:10living. He set the box down on the steps
21:13and came toward me slowly,
21:15the way you approach a dog that has
21:17every right to bite.
21:20"Mom."
21:21Blake.
21:22"I've been trying to figure out what to
21:24say for a month," he said. "I keep
21:26coming up with nothing good, so I'll
21:29just say it. I sat at that table and I
21:32watched her do that to you, and I kept
21:35eating.
21:36I told myself it was a spill. I knew it
21:38wasn't. I've known a lot of things
21:40weren't right for a long time, and I let
21:43you pay for me not to know them."
21:45His voice shook. "I'm sorry. I'm not
21:49asking you to fix anything. I just
21:51needed you to hear it."
21:53Behind him, the tow truck's winch whined
21:56and the Tahoe lurched up onto the
21:58flatbed. Alyssa watched it go with her
22:01mouth open.
22:03"Blake," she hissed. "Don't grovel to
22:05her."
22:06He turned around. I had never seen him
22:08do that, not once, not in 33 years. "I'm
22:12not groveling. I'm doing what I should
22:15have done at Christmas. Now you say it."
22:18"Say what?"
22:21"You know what."
22:22She stared at him, then at Jennifer, who
22:25had leaned against my car with her arms
22:28crossed and said nothing at all.
22:30Then she looked at me.
22:32For a moment her chin came up, the way
22:35it had over that dining table. Then it
22:38wobbled and came down.
22:40"I'm sorry I spilled the plate," she
22:42said.
22:43"You didn't spill it," I said quietly.
22:46"You tipped it."
22:47She swallowed. "I'm sorry I tipped it."
22:50"Thank you. I accept that." I let a deep
22:53pass. "It doesn't change anything,
22:56Alyssa.
22:57The house is sold. The money is closed.
22:59You don't get a second helping."
23:02Nobody argued.
23:04There was nothing left to argue with.
23:06The movers started carrying out my
23:08furniture from the downstairs room.
23:11Blake and Alyssa went back to loading
23:13their rented van.
23:15The rain began, a thin, sideways cold,
23:18and the bottom fell out of a box on the
23:20porch steps.
23:22A stack of designer shoes slid into the
23:25puddle at the foot of the stairs. Alyssa
23:27stood over them with her arms hanging.
23:30She looked up and found me watching, and
23:32I saw her wait for me to say something,
23:35to hand her something, to rescue her.
23:38I said nothing.
23:40I walked past her toward the garage.
23:43My mother's cast iron skillet was still
23:45in the donation bag by the garage, right
23:48where she had left it.
23:50I carried it out against my chest like
23:53something I'd been missing for years.
23:55Blake caught up with me at the car.
23:58He didn't try to hug me.
24:00He stood there with rain running off his
24:02hair and asked, "Can I ever see you
24:05again?"
24:06"Yes," I said. "Sunday suppers are at
24:09Jennifer's or at my new place, and you
24:12can come. You'll bring a dish, and
24:15you'll pay for it yourself. I'm not
24:17lending you money, and I'm not covering
24:19your bills, not now and not later. And
24:22Alyssa is welcome when she can say that
24:24apology and mean it without being told
24:27to."
24:28He nodded and his eyes were wet. That's
24:31fair.
24:32It is, I said. It's also the only offer.
24:35I got in the car and I did not look back
24:38at the house.
24:39At the end of the street, I unblocked
24:41his number
24:42and I did not feel afraid.
24:44With the money from the sale, I bought a
24:47bright two-bedroom condo 10 minutes from
24:50Jennifer.
24:51It has a little balcony where I drink my
24:53coffee every morning and a kitchen that
24:56belongs entirely to me.
24:59Nobody rearranges my cabinets. Nobody
25:02expects me to buy their groceries.
25:04Jennifer comes for Sunday supper and we
25:07got to eat from my mother's skillet and
25:09my good dishes, the ones I never have to
25:12hide.
25:13Some weeks Blake comes too in his work
25:16boots with a bag of rolls he paid for
25:18himself.
25:19He does the dishes without being asked.
25:22Alyssa has not come yet and I don't
25:24push.
25:25There is one more thing I owe the people
25:28who've told me that I should have acted
25:30sooner.
25:31You're right.
25:33I should have enforced that yellow legal
25:35pad on the day it expired.
25:38Every month I let slide was a month I
25:40taught them that my limits were a
25:42suggestion.
25:43I don't blame myself for loving my son.
25:46I do blame myself for being afraid of
25:49his disappointment more than I respected
25:51my own life.
25:53Here is what I know now.
25:55For years I confused being a good mother
25:58with being a human shield,
26:00standing between my son and every
26:01consequence of his own choices.
26:04But love that lets you be disrespected
26:07so someone else can stay comfortable
26:09isn't love.
26:11It's rent and sometimes the kindest
26:13thing you can do for a grown child and
26:16for yourself
26:18is to step out of the way and let life
26:21deliver the lessons you've been
26:22intercepting.
26:24You do not have to set yourself on fire
26:27to keep other people warm.
26:29I am 68 years old and for the first time
26:32since Leonard died, my life is entirely
26:35my own.
26:36If this story hit close to home or if
26:39you've ever had to draw a line with
26:41someone who counted on you never to,
26:43tell me about it in the comments.
26:46I read everyone. I'd love to have you
26:49with us.
26:50Every generation seems to learn the same
26:54hard lessons about money all over again.
26:58What's one rule about money you would
27:00want the younger folks in your family to
27:02remember?

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