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MRAs Views On Family and Gender Roles | Paul Elam | Outtakes from "The Red Pill" — Transcript

by Cassie Jaye · 3,391 words · 481 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:05[Music]
0:13well let's look at the bottom probably
0:17not one percent of the bottom 20 percent
0:19or 50 percent of men who are in the
0:22trenches doing the dangerous and the
0:24dirty jobs one could say that they chose
0:29that position probably because of pay I
0:31know that being a fisherman on a
0:33crabbing ship is very well-paid work so
0:37if you catch a lot of crab it is well
0:42another way of looking at this is you
0:45know I've heard the question posed a
0:47thousand times why do men make more
0:49money one answer to that is because they
0:52have to when you have the responsibility
0:57that your money that you earn must go to
1:02putting food and mouse it must go to
1:04putting clothes on backs to putting a
1:06roof over people's heads you better make
1:09more money you better be willing to do
1:12whatever it takes so yeah we can say
1:14that they chose to do that I agree with
1:16you it is a choice because any man right
1:19now can walk off that crab boat and go
1:22take a job in a convenience store and
1:25watch his kids go without and watch his
1:28wife go without and end up without a
1:30wife and end up without his kids and end
1:34up being considered a loser by the
1:38society that he lives in and that's
1:40really the cost of this it is a choice I
1:44mean we all make them and I'm not going
1:46to try to rescue men from making their
1:48choices they are they're they're human
1:52beings that are making their choices but
1:54it's not just as simple is to say that
1:57they chose most men from the time
2:00they're born are told you better produce
2:02if you ever want to have a wife you
2:07better make money if you ever want to
2:10have
2:11you are the one that has it on the onus
2:13is on you to take care of it your wife
2:16may work but if you have two parents and
2:21both of them are out of work I can
2:24promise you the man feels the pressure
2:27from that much more so in this culture
2:31than women do and it's not because women
2:34don't care about their children not at
2:36all it's because men are raised with the
2:39message that if they're not providing if
2:42they're not putting food on the table
2:45then they're a failure women are given
2:49outs women are told frequently well they
2:52don't have the the access to employment
2:55that men do there's a wage gap you just
2:57name the problem to jour and there is
3:02something to be said for some of that
3:04but again I'd argue that these choices
3:08are not so simple as being choices it's
3:11like saying that a woman frustrated with
3:14her child or in postpartum depression
3:17while she chose to have a baby it's just
3:21not that simple
3:23people have drives they have ways that
3:26they're socialized and sure they
3:30ultimately were conscious beings and we
3:33make choices but are they as simple as
3:35just selecting your preference for the
3:37day I don't really think so I would
3:41wonder though that you know feminism is
3:45about giving women the choice to be the
3:48breadwinner to make equal pay to men and
3:52hopefully also be equal in the household
3:55as far as providing so wouldn't that
3:58that objective for feminism help the
4:01men's rights movement of women earning
4:04money to help provide for the family
4:06oh absolutely and I and I think that if
4:08that's the objective it's if that's the
4:11real objective I'll argue in a moment
4:13that that's not really the
4:14objective but let's take that on its
4:16face baguette if the objective is for
4:19women to earn at the same rates as men
4:21and to have as much access to employment
4:25and education and everything else that
4:27goes into making a career in a living
4:30and taking care of a family if the
4:32objective is to do that so that they can
4:34partner with men and share the burden of
4:37the home to take care of the children
4:40absolutely right that is 100% a viable
4:46goal however women are really and
4:53especially from from the way gender
4:56feminism is practiced now have a while
5:00they're pursuing these goals for
5:04employment a lot of the thrust of gender
5:07feminism has been on undermining the
5:09family it's been on divorce it's been on
5:14separation from men it's been on using
5:16the system in order to break up families
5:19and to take children if you go back in
5:24research from everyone from MS magazine
5:29editor Robin Morgan and a lot of the
5:33other iconic 70s and 80s feminists
5:37throughout literature I can show you
5:38time after time after time again that
5:41the number one priority for them was the
5:45destruction of the nuclear family their
5:48contention was that women could never be
5:51free as long as they were part of a
5:56nuclear family as long as there was
5:57expectations on them to be mothers or to
6:01have anything to do with the family as
6:04we've always known it
6:06there is just one incident after another
6:10and this is what their change in our
6:12colleges and universities now these
6:14women didn't just pass by the wayside
6:17and
6:18have been forgotten this is in the
6:20college text right now what you find in
6:23Gender Studies is an ideology that is
6:26anti-family so while yeah I mean and
6:30still even if it's anti family I still
6:33support the idea that women should have
6:35equal access to employment to education
6:38and to realizing any dreams they want
6:40with their lives I don't think there's
6:42any excuse for denying that to anybody
6:45but to say to frame this as though that
6:48that is a part of the the feminist
6:51agenda if you will so that women can
6:54join with men in taking care of families
6:57that's not happening well it makes me
7:02wonder if maybe both genders are upset
7:04with their parental roles because it
7:07sounds like a lot of the men's rights
7:09issues largely have to do with family
7:13either
7:14divorce court with alimony child support
7:17providing for the family and that burden
7:20or obligation so it sounds like if women
7:25are upset with their same mothering role
7:29or wife role aren't men are upset with
7:33their fathering role or their husband
7:35role I think men are upset at least the
7:38men in this movement are upset with
7:40being forcibly extracted from that role
7:45when your family courts run on the
7:49supposition that mothers are more fit to
7:52become snowmobiled parents and that
7:55fathers are more fit to provide a check
7:59every month and to become what we like
8:04to call uncle daddy where they visit
8:06visit their children I mean to me that's
8:10one of the greatest obscenities in the
8:12world the idea of visiting your own
8:14children where you get to see them for
8:17two hours on Wednesday night and you get
8:19to have them for X amount of hours every
8:22other week
8:23and you have no say in how they're
8:25brought up we're dealing with a case
8:28right now with a man whose young
8:32daughter was put on powerful
8:34psychotropic medications that were only
8:37supposed to be prescribed to an adult by
8:41a family court at the behest of the
8:43mother and he had no say about it
8:47whatsoever
8:47as a matter of fact when he tried to ask
8:49his daughter questions about what
8:52medication she was taking because she
8:54was she was voicing physical complaints
8:57about it he was prosecuted by Children's
8:59Protective Services for interfering that
9:05is he has been effectively removed as a
9:10father is he still a paycheck yeah he's
9:14still a paycheck he's still somebody to
9:17pick her up and spend two hours with her
9:20as long as he doesn't talk about her
9:23life as long as he doesn't talk about
9:24what drugs they're giving her as long as
9:28he doesn't involve himself as a father
9:30men in the men's movement are not upset
9:33about having to be fathers they're upset
9:37because they're not allowed to be
9:38fathers that's step one because when you
9:51say that men are upset with having to go
9:56out and work a job possibly if they
9:58don't like to earn money that someone
10:02else spends and to provide for others
10:05I do think well they chose to have the
10:07family that's part of the responsibility
10:10of having a family so if if they wanted
10:12to be more of a present father figure
10:15who's gonna provide for the family
10:17is it gonna need the whyatt for the
10:19mother well I don't think anybody's
10:21arguing that there isn't or shouldn't be
10:24obligations even in the event of a
10:28divorce but it is it just strikes me as
10:33quite insane acts
10:34that we live in a culture where family
10:38courts rather than look at a sensible
10:41restructuring of a family concepts like
10:46shared custody like dads being involved
10:50as parents having parental authority
10:52with their children courts instructing
10:56parents tough work it out figure it out
10:59it's your job not just assigning
11:02ownership of a child to one person which
11:06is almost always happens that in the
11:08case of the mother we destroy families
11:12we ripped apart the father child bond we
11:16alienate those children from the most
11:20positive influence that they're going to
11:22have in their life their relationship
11:24with their father that is the
11:26stabilizing factor for these children in
11:29the late 60s we had the advent of
11:32no-fault divorce which was a feminist
11:36pushed legislation under the auspices of
11:41the idea that there were all these
11:43millions of women that were trapped in
11:45abusive relationships and they couldn't
11:47prove they were being abused so we had
11:51to give them an act and so although we
11:55have a marital contract that's really
11:58not a contract anymore somebody can get
12:01out of it because it's Tuesday or
12:03because they think the pool boy is hot
12:04and that happens and so the next thing
12:10you know we have an astronomical
12:13increase in the divorce rate immediately
12:16after the advent of no-fault divorce and
12:19then we have a subsequent increase of
12:22gang activity truancy drug abuse teen
12:26pregnancy every psychosocial factor by
12:30which we measure the the health of
12:34children got worse because of this this
12:39is not about the responsibility of one
12:43person to just suck it up and and keep
12:46bringing their paycheck to the tie
12:47this is about what's been happening to
12:50our children in this culture for forty
12:52years and we're still seeing the effects
12:54of it now so well yeah I think it's a
12:58noble idea to say that well you chose to
13:01have a family so you should be
13:03responsible okay fine I'll give you that
13:06that does not begin to address the
13:09absolute indecency of our family courts
13:13it is the biggest rollback of civil
13:16rights since Jim Crow one there are a
13:19million ex-parte restraining orders a
13:22year issued in this country which means
13:25that somebody can come into a court and
13:27say well he hadn't abused me yet but I'm
13:31afraid he's going to boom the police
13:34forcibly removed him from his home
13:36separate him from his children no proof
13:40no evidence no nothing and he's poof
13:44he's out of their lives is this
13:47necessary is this at all even decent to
13:53be going on it's expedient works for the
13:56courts it's convenient and it satisfies
13:58the feminist lobby but it's destroying
14:01families and destroying our children I
14:02don't think there's any way to justify
14:04this but I will ranch it if somebody has
14:10children they do they should take care
14:11of them points there yeah I don't think
14:17husband could just call the police and
14:20say very restraining order on my wife I
14:22think she's gonna hit me no they would
14:25laugh for one it's a it's a fact I mean
14:30they're written released to study about
14:31this men that actually are assaulted by
14:35their wives are more likely than their
14:38wives to be the one arrested in Britain
14:41and it happens a lot in the United
14:42States too we have police forces across
14:46the country that are
14:48trained with monies from the Violence
14:50Against Women Act that act is predicated
14:53on the idea of violence against women
14:56that there are no female abusers that
15:00their abusers are males so we passed
15:02primary aggressor laws we have basically
15:07instructed police on who they're going
15:09to arrest before they ever show up when
15:11there's a domestic violence accusation
15:13or incident and these things all play
15:16into the to the Family Court problem
15:18that are there this is a direct result
15:22of feminism
15:23we have eviscerated due process from men
15:26in our family courts and it is one of
15:29the best-kept secrets that's done right
15:31out in the open that we have going on in
15:33this culture right now I get emails
15:36every day from people begging me for
15:40help and sometimes it will be the the
15:43new girlfriend or wife of somebody who's
15:47still dealing with abuses from the court
15:50who still can't see their kids who still
15:51is being stripped of all their assets
15:54and and told they don't even have access
15:56to their children and there's nowhere
15:59for them to turn I have to write these
16:01people back all the time and say I'm
16:04sorry
16:05there's nothing I can do to help you
16:07unless you've got a million dollars to
16:10go get the best lawyer in the world and
16:13a team of investigators to prove your
16:15case you're probably stuck with what you
16:18have because it is so rubber stamped in
16:21our system so I'm just tryna understand
16:29and you know ask you the doubts and in
16:32my head so that you can sure you know
16:34answer the questions to those doubts so
16:38why do you think or assume that men who
16:43have say oh oh why for an ex-wife or
16:48spouse tries to take the kids from the
16:53father and you say that they may not
16:57have any
16:57of their being abused by the show put a
17:00restraining order on him and the courts
17:02won't question it you know a lot can
17:05happen behind closed doors and how can
17:08you say just because there's no evidence
17:10that something wasn't really going wrong
17:12I mean it kind of sounds like MRIs
17:15really think a lot of women are just out
17:16to get men for no reason at all don't
17:18you think there's a reason that they
17:19have to do that I think that's
17:23absolutely correct
17:24I mean they're just because somebody
17:26made an accusation doesn't mean that
17:28something wasn't going on there are
17:30plenty of cases where things are going
17:33on and and I really believe those things
17:36need to be addressed but assuming that
17:39every allegation is true and using that
17:43to tear somebody out of their home and
17:46away from their children is wrong
17:48there's no way around that
17:51I don't know any m-ras that want anybody
17:56to get hurt or want to automatically
17:58assume that every accusation is a lie
18:00I'm sure that a lot of these accusations
18:04that can't be true proven probably has
18:07some substance to them in most cases my
18:10guess is where there's been violence in
18:12relationships it is like most violence
18:14in relationships it's reciprocal there
18:17are people that make mistakes on both
18:19sides but yeah I'm sure there's going to
18:23be some people that would fall through
18:25the cracks
18:26because they couldn't didn't have proof
18:29of their circumstances but we in any
18:32other way that I can think of don't
18:35decide we're going to convict a million
18:37people a year based on the idea that
18:40somebody might not get their day in
18:42court
18:42it's it's a rather brutal reality and
18:45it's and in many ways but you have to
18:48remember that these we're talking about
18:50the children of all these people and a
18:53lot of them haven't done anything it is
18:57routine to make these accusations in
18:59court now because the courts are so
19:00friendly to them it's considered normal
19:03legal strategy lawyers bring a woman
19:06into their office and say I think maybe
19:09hitch
19:10I think maybe he at least threatened he
19:13was going to hit you right because this
19:15is a trump card this is how the the
19:18legal game is paid is played to go in
19:23and prosecute a divorce and to win and
19:27the first thing you do is you get him
19:30out of the house you get possession at
19:32the home well now you've got possession
19:34of it that's a leg up in the case this
19:36is how this works the courts don't
19:39require evidence and as sorry as I
19:42genuinely feel for any victim of abuse
19:45who can't prove their case and is not
19:48getting their day in court
19:49I still don't find what maybe may be
19:52happening to them compelling enough to
19:55convince me that it's all right to just
19:57go willy-nilly convicting and grabbing
19:59people out of their homes like the
20:01stateless terrorist thugs just grabbing
20:05them and tossing them out and saying you
20:06don't live here anymore I don't care if
20:09you've been working the past 20 years
20:10and paying for this home it's not yours
20:13anymore it's first get out that's what's
20:16happening say goodbye to your kids
20:19you've got 10 minutes this is happening
20:24every day in this culture or the
20:29solutions simple no they're bloody
20:33they're painful they're very difficult
20:37there's never going to be the perfect
20:40solution to this but I can't believe for
20:43the life of me the the idea that we're
20:46just going to eviscerate people's rights
20:48in mass is a way to handle this there
20:52has to be more thoughtfulness there has
20:54to be investigation of complaints in
20:57courts we shouldn't be able to walk into
21:00a courtroom and say he hit me or she hit
21:03me and have somebody removed from their
21:06home just like that there should be an
21:09investigation there should be a diligent
21:12investigation into what happened at
21:14least they're not even doing that
21:16they're not even trying
21:17they're just rubber stamping the order
21:19and pulling people out of their home
21:21that's not a solution this is so so hard
21:26for me to imagine women abusing the
21:31system just because they can well let me
21:38be so bold as to ask you a question why
21:40is it so hard for you to imagine women
21:42doing that I think that men would abuse
21:45the system if they could in a lot of
21:48cases given the opportunity you have a
21:52divorce all the dreams all the hopes
21:56everything going up in smoke emotions go
22:00limbic every shattered dream is being
22:06blamed on each other in the party I
22:10don't have any problem believing that
22:12men are capable of taking their
22:16emotional state at that time their anger
22:18there maybe there was an affair maybe
22:21they want vengeance I don't have any
22:23problem believing that they could
22:25perpetrate a falsehood yet in order to
22:29get the upper hand in the situation
22:31that's human nature it's not it's the
22:35problem is the system the problem really
22:38isn't women and that's where a lot of
22:41people get confused on this this isn't
22:43about blaming women if if you are a
22:46kindergarten teacher and you leave the
22:48classroom for two hours and you come
22:51back it's going to be a rack when you
22:54get there and it won't matter what sex
22:56the students are they're all going to
22:58tear it up when you give people
23:00unfettered power to destroy lives of
23:04people who at that moment they hate and
23:08when there's money and property and
23:11relationship with children riding on it
23:13then there's going to be corruption in
23:16it it just so happens that right now the
23:18way the system is structured is very
23:21much user friendly to women in that
23:24equation like I said I have no doubt if
23:27it were if the roles were
23:29we'd see a lot of this from men too but
23:31it's why we're supposed to have due
23:33process it's why we're supposed to have
23:35investigations of complaints why we're
23:38supposed to try to establish proof
23:40especially before we start ripping
23:42parents away from their children that's
23:44just insane
23:55[Music]
24:00[Music]

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