Mirror - Mahek Jangda - English Poetry - The Habitat Studios — Transcript

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1. 0:13I can see the flowery pink curtains
2. 0:16that cover the open window
3. 0:17I can feel the wild wind
4. 0:19enter the premises and promise,
5. 0:21to break my favourite blue lamp.
6. 0:23I can see the black guitar
7. 0:24which I always thought was too big for my hands
8. 0:27I can see the large poster of Messi
9. 0:29that has loyally stayed stuck on my wall
10. 0:32since I was 15
11. 0:34I am standing in front of a mirror
12. 0:37but I cannot see my own reflection
13. 0:39for I do not know who I am, anymore.
14. 0:42Tiny braids in my long brown hair fly out the back window of the car
15. 0:47I wave at the passers-by
16. 0:48and smile dreamily to behave like I am in a movie
17. 0:52That day at age 6, I told my father that I wanted to be an actress.
18. 0:57But when you are born with 3.5 kilograms of flesh and bone instead of 2 and a half
19. 1:02the doctor sends you back home with a sticker
20. 1:04that says 'This baby weighs more than average'
21. 1:07When at life's every stage you wage a war with the words-
22. 1:10'Plump', 'Chubby', and even 'Cute'
23. 1:13Noone has to humiliate you. You, already know.
24. 1:16Noone told me that I would not become an actress because noone knew that I wanted to.
25. 1:21Noone told me that I would or would not lose any weight
26. 1:23because noone knew that I wanted to.
27. 1:26And so one night,
28. 1:28standing in front of the very same mirror,
29. 1:30with skin that screamed 'I want to be on the big screen!'
30. 1:34Little, by little...
31. 1:36I ripped it apart
32. 1:37until the layer that wanted to act
33. 1:40fell out..
34. 1:41and was flushed down the drain.
35. 1:44I was 12 years old when I said I wanted to change the world.
36. 1:47But someone told me that the world was too large and I was too little.
37. 1:52When I said I was one in a million,
38. 1:54I was told that the world population count goes into billions.
39. 1:57And I, I didn't fight
40. 1:59I just went and proved them right, because that night,
41. 2:02I cried.
42. 2:04Until my second layer, was shred into pieces.
43. 2:07It's funny how you can lose so many layers and still not lose any weight.
44. 2:12When I wanted to sing and dance and see the world,
45. 2:15I was pushed into a college that only taught you how to make money
46. 2:18and instead of using this opportunity to do both,
47. 2:21I shed.
48. 2:22Layer by layer, I shed it all
49. 2:24until I had no plans, no hopes
50. 2:26no dreams, no desire to collect some gold or to grow old or to do anything at all.
51. 2:31I shed everything, in the name of being a strong girl.
52. 2:36Even my tears, that were only trying to tell me the truth.
53. 2:40Until one day opportunity knocked on my door
54. 2:44It waited, and waited. It banged loud and clear
55. 2:48but in all the shedding, I had no hands left to answer its call.
56. 2:52I had no voice
57. 2:53to tell it that I had been waiting for it all my life.
58. 2:57Hell! I didn't even have any ears, to listen and to know that it was there.
59. 3:04The human mind is a funny place, it will continue in a cycle
60. 3:08until you tell it that the path to growth is not round
61. 3:11It is to be found by moving forward
62. 3:13By moving out of your comfort zone of 'Life has made this difficult for me and hence I'm not going to do it.'
63. 3:18I have come to believe that self-victimization is a drug.
64. 3:22Your mind lures you into giving up everything and then makes you believe that you had nothing
65. 3:27Your constant cries of 'Why me?!' sound like music to your brain.
66. 3:32But they're not. They're cries of you locked up behind walls of how fate treated you wrong
67. 3:37I was locked up behind bars of why destiny chose only me
68. 3:41to take through a path full of thorns, not realizing that
69. 3:44the only person who held the key to that door, was me.
70. 3:49Noone can hurt you as much as you can hurt yourself.
71. 3:52I was never bullied, or tortured for being a plump kid.
72. 3:56I was punished by me, myself.
73. 3:59I started excusing myself from everything I wanted to do
74. 4:02by telling me that life had made the environment hostile
75. 4:05That it was testing me, that it was playing games with me,
76. 4:07that I was its favourite experiment.
77. 4:10Until I realized that victimizing myself was like being a car
78. 4:14driven by someone else with just the brakes on
79. 4:18Except that there is no other driver
80. 4:20It is just you and the road and you can choose to keep moving forward
81. 4:25or to keep taking U-turns, it is your choice.
82. 4:30I stand in front of the very same mirror in search for my own reflection
83. 4:34I see nothing.
84. 4:36Because even though I've realised it I do not want to patch the old layers back
85. 4:40onto my body because I want to keep moving forward.
86. 4:45I stand in front of the very same mirror in search for my own reflection, I see nothing.
87. 4:52Nothing to go back to, nothing to crib about
88. 4:54Nothing to blame life for.
89. 4:56I stand in front of the very same mirror and I search for my own reflection
90. 5:01I, see nothing.
91. 5:03Because it is not a mirror anymore
92. 5:05It is the only piece of shattered glass in the world that screams
93. 5:10of happiness. Because it knows that a little girl broke it
94. 5:14to step out of her mind's cage, to spread her wings, and to fly.