Mind Your Language But It's Just The Police — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00[Applause]
2. 0:05hello Constable Wilkins where the devil
3. 0:08are you you should have been back here
4. 0:09by now pardon no I will not send a panda
5. 0:14car for you I don't care if someone has
6. 0:16pinched your bicycle pinch somebody
7. 0:20else's would you like a cup of
8. 0:28tea cup
9. 0:32CH oh yes please no thank you for sugar
10. 0:38Don't Run
11. 0:45Away God
12. 0:48hey good evening good evening are you Mr
13. 0:52Brown no he's Mr Brown I was speaking to
14. 0:56him first time who are you Ali Nadim no
15. 1:00I am aliim you are Mr Brown s I'll do
16. 1:03the talking all right you just leave it
17. 1:05to me now I'm sure we can sort this out
18. 1:07inspector the commissioner looks after
19. 1:09promotions is you yes well uh you look
20. 1:12like an inspector I'm sure it's only a
21. 1:13matter of time may I compliment you on
22. 1:15your station and what a wonderful job
23. 1:17you're doing thank you sir now about
24. 1:19this young lady ah yes I expect you'd uh
25. 1:22like to have a look at my driving
26. 1:23license what for oh to verify my
27. 1:25identity you said you were Mr Brown yes
28. 1:28but you want some proof don't you look
29. 1:29if you tell me you're Mr Brown I accept
30. 1:31that as the truth yes I could have been
31. 1:33lying were you lying and no he's
32. 1:35definitely Mr Brown he's telling the
33. 1:38truth I insist you look at my driving oh
34. 1:40very well if it'll make you
35. 1:45happy is this yours sir pardon this5
36. 1:49note it was inside your driving license
37. 1:52are you sure it could have dropped out
38. 1:53of your trous of pocket oh yes and
39. 1:55dropped upwards I suppose onto the desk
40. 1:58you might have had it tucked up your
41. 1:59sleeve yes and I could have a couple of
42. 2:01Dubs up the other but I haven't it was
43. 2:03definitely in your license yes Sergeant
44. 2:06is correct I remember you putting it
45. 2:07there not a moment
46. 2:09ago I forgot it was just before you said
47. 2:12you scratch my back and I scratch yours
48. 2:15thank you George Washington no I am Ali
49. 2:19yeah Ali just just be quiet please now
50. 2:22Sergeant about this young lady yes the
51. 2:24accused yes well remember British
52. 2:26Justice I mean a person is presumed
53. 2:27innocent until proven guilty and this
54. 2:29poor lady is innocent I know that I mean
55. 2:31just because she's an immigrant you
56. 2:32can't go picking up pardon oh she
57. 2:34pinched the book all right but she
58. 2:36thought it was buak shei see what it
59. 2:38says on the front cover but free inside
60. 2:41color supplement that's right oh and she
61. 2:44thought the whole thing was free yes ah
62. 2:46well then it's not her fault if anyone's
63. 2:48to blame it's the person who's been
64. 2:50teaching her
65. 2:52English it's not always easy well if
66. 2:54that's all we'll be getting along come
67. 2:55along
68. 2:56jam oh but I tell before you go sir
69. 3:00would you like to make a donation to our
70. 3:02police charity fund yes well you've
71. 3:05caught me at rather an awkward moment
72. 3:07what about the FIV you remember sir the
73. 3:10one you thought you never had oh that F
74. 3:12you know what they say Sir what You'
75. 3:14never had you never miss unless of
76. 3:16course you knew it was there all the
77. 3:18time in which case it would come under
78. 3:20bribery and
79. 3:23Corruption you scratch my back and I'll
80. 3:26scratch
81. 3:28yours well well well regular little
82. 3:32Fagan aren't you I can explain Sergeant
83. 3:35you're not going to show me your driving
84. 3:37license again are you no that's a relief
85. 3:39you see we were actually trying to
86. 3:41return the goods I mean ask the
87. 3:45students now look here Sergeant it was
88. 3:48obviously just a misunderstanding and I
89. 3:49see no reason why you should pursue this
90. 3:51any further I'm sorry madam Miss if you
91. 3:54don't mind
92. 3:56yes well I'm afraid I should have to
93. 3:58make a report out on this affair oh Lord
94. 4:00couldn't you just forget it ever
95. 4:01happened no well I'm sure your police
96. 4:03charity fund wouldn't say no to another
97. 4:05contribution Sergeant well we're always
98. 4:07grateful for anything sir uh should we
99. 4:10say another 5 that's very generous of
100. 4:13you oh right right come along
101. 4:16everybody just a moment Mr Brown where
102. 4:19are you going I've not made out my
103. 4:21report yet yeah but I've I've just given
104. 4:24you5 to uh forget it oh no sir you very
105. 4:27kindly donated £5 to our charity fund it
106. 4:31wasn't meant as a bribe was it sir no
107. 4:36good now let's take a few names you
108. 4:39madam sorry
109. 4:41Miz
110. 4:44CNE thank you you sir say what's your
111. 4:50name how do you spell
112. 4:53that that's not his name oh giving me a
113. 4:56false name
114. 4:58eh oh come back to you Mr poor favor or
115. 5:01whatever your name
116. 5:03is you yes please what is your name oh
117. 5:09no what is not my name I don't want to
118. 5:13know what your name is not what is your
119. 5:16name and I'm telling you it is not you
120. 5:20what is his
121. 5:21name nine aha now we're getting
122. 5:25somewhere Mr nine that is not his name
123. 5:29you said he was you ask me if his name
124. 5:31is vot and I tell you nine vot is not
125. 5:33his name but also not mine going on the
126. 5:38what is his name absolutely not not what
127. 5:41that is correct what is your name wrong
128. 5:44again he not here who's not
129. 5:48here
130. 5:51what now who is not here and what is not
131. 5:53here
132. 5:54neither you're old bom me Mr Brown
133. 6:01if I promise not to proceed with this
134. 6:03report will you do me a favor yes what
135. 6:06is it get these crackpots out of you and
136. 6:10promise never to bring them back even if
137. 6:12they've committed
138. 6:19[Applause]
139. 6:23murder oh there you are superintendent
140. 6:27how soon will Royal coup will be here
141. 6:29they're not coming
142. 6:30what we've had to rearrange the schedule
143. 6:33oh they're going straight from the
144. 6:34hospital to the town hall we're cutting
145. 6:36out the visit to the school I better
146. 6:37going tell Miss Court there isn't time
147. 6:39you must come with me now you men follow
148. 6:43[Applause]
149. 6:49me de Sergeant here Madam a
150. 6:53burglar now don't panic stay where you
151. 6:55are and I'll send a police car around
152. 6:57right away
153. 7:00[Music]
154. 7:06he's trying to pick next doors lock
155. 7:08don't worry I'll sort him out oh I do
156. 7:10hope this sort of thing doesn't happen
157. 7:12often I only moved in yesterday stand
158. 7:14back I'm going out there George you stay
159. 7:16with Miss
160. 7:21Partridge all right come
161. 7:24quietly oh look you're making a mistake
162. 7:27give here uh no but I'm staying here
163. 7:28with friends what's the address uh I
164. 7:30don't know I've never been here before
165. 7:32you see I see there's a perfectly simple
166. 7:34explan well why don't you come down to
167. 7:36the station and S it to the perfectly
168. 7:38simple
169. 7:39Sergeant right what's your name Jeremy
170. 7:43brown brown yes oh well I suppose it
171. 7:46makes a change from a Smith or Jones now
172. 7:50according to PC barns you were caught
173. 7:51breaking an ining I was not breaking and
174. 7:54entering were you picking the lock yes
175. 7:57but do you live there no but uh charge
176. 8:00breaking and entering now look you're
177. 8:02making a terrible mistake that's what
178. 8:05crippin
179. 8:07[Music]
180. 8:14said I demand to see my lawyer Sid
181. 8:18they've not nabbed you tonight as well
182. 8:20is he one of your accomplice eh no I
183. 8:23know him he can vouch for me his tight
184. 8:25is's in he couldn't even vouch for his
185. 8:26own
186. 8:27mother what's he done BS drunk and
187. 8:30disorderly pardon drunk and disorderly
188. 8:33sure am
189. 8:35I Sergeant here's the caker at the
190. 8:38school where I teach he will tell you
191. 8:39who I am you do you know this man he's a
192. 8:44Cooper see it's me look tell the
193. 8:47sergeant who I am Charlie
194. 8:50frb what never tell him your real name
195. 8:54son oh take him away bring him back when
196. 8:57he's sober
197. 8:59yes
198. 9:05we now they Mr Brown or F bars or
199. 9:08whatever you call yourself Brown Prof s
200. 9:13Max Giovani thank goodness you're here
201. 9:15look tell this tell this Sergeant who I
202. 9:17am he's Mr Jeremy Brown yeah he teach us
203. 9:20to speak a the English do you live at
204. 9:22six winthop Road sure we do what
205. 9:26happened where you been well I got
206. 9:27locked out on your balcony and your
207. 9:28public ired neighbor thought I was a
208. 9:30burglar and called the police so you
209. 9:32were telling the truth huh yes I have a
210. 9:34good mind to sue you for false arrest if
211. 9:37you do there'll be a charge of assault
212. 9:38and battery I haven't assaulted anyone
213. 9:41no but I should go now before I
214. 9:47do de Sergeant oh it's not you again
215. 9:51madam are you sure it's not the same
216. 9:54fellow there are two
217. 9:56fellows look I I I suggest you just sit
218. 9:59there and wait go around and see your
219. 10:01neighbor and wait till the Constable
220. 10:02arrives
221. 10:04[Music]
222. 10:09hey all
223. 10:14right now are you sure you don't mind me
224. 10:17staying here for the night not at all
225. 10:18sir I think it'll be safer for both of
226. 10:21us eh all right at least I'll get some
227. 10:22sleep good night sir good night
228. 10:34case number
229. 10:47two inspector isn't it a little unusual
230. 10:49for the police to bring so many
231. 10:51defendants before the bench at one time
232. 10:53the duck seems a little
233. 10:55overloaded the case is rather unusual
234. 10:58Madam the us though acting individually
235. 11:01did in fact commit the offenses
236. 11:04collectively Mr Juan santes and Mr
237. 11:06Maximillian Pap andreos assaulting a
238. 11:09police officer he assault us first see
239. 11:12he hit my fist with his
240. 11:15[Music]
241. 11:23jaw is Mr Brown's not m
242. 11:27[Music]
243. 11:31[Laughter]
244. 11:33[Music]
245. 11:48[Music]
246. 11:53is this your carer yes having trouble
247. 11:56with your memory are you sir pardon your
248. 11:59road tax disc has run out sir ah well
249. 12:02I'm sure I've applied for it what's
250. 12:04going on Cal another tax Dodger Madam
251. 12:08really well while you're at it Constable
252. 12:11why don't you check his lights and his
253. 12:13tires how about his
254. 12:16insurance I should be sitting again
255. 12:18tomorrow