Miles We Can't Blame Karen It Is Time To Wake Up | Married At First Sight Season 11 Episode 16 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00We have legitimate concerns and like
2. 0:02reasons why we could say no.
3. 0:10But
4. 0:10Hey guys and welcome to Little Black
5. 0:13Book. You know what time it is. Talking
6. 0:17to you guys about Married at First
7. 0:18Sight. We're going to be dealing with
8. 0:20Karen and Miles. And talking about
9. 0:23Miles, you need to wake up from the
10. 0:25Matrix. Guys, if you are on YouTube
11. 0:28channel, make sure you like, you share,
12. 0:29subscribe, click on the bell button for
13. 0:30notification of the uploads. And for
14. 0:32those of you who are returnees, well,
15. 0:34you already know what it is. You got the
16. 0:35minerals.
17. 0:37My throat is a little bit gone. So,
18. 0:38we'll go again. You got the minerals.
19. 0:41All right, cool. Don't forget to grab
20. 0:42your merchandise as well as displayed on
21. 0:44the side here. Grab yourself a hoodie
22. 0:45before the winter comes. So, if you guys
23. 0:48watched the recent finale or the D-Day,
24. 0:51decision day, you would have seen Miles
25. 0:53and Karen
26. 0:55having their choice being made, which is
27. 0:58to stay together in a marriage. Now, we
28. 1:00kind of knew this
29. 1:02if you've been scouring the blogs months
30. 1:03ahead of time. People were speaking
31. 1:04about it and they had been spotted out
32. 1:06and about as well together. Now, in this
33. 1:09particular episode, I want to discuss
34. 1:10Miles, you need to wake up from the
35. 1:12Matrix. And the reason why I'm saying
36. 1:13this is because we are sick and tired of
37. 1:16seeing Karen take advantage of you,
38. 1:17Miles. And it gets to a point where we
39. 1:19do have to put some level of
40. 1:21accountability on the individual when
41. 1:24they have many different
42. 1:26clues as to what's going on. Why do we
43. 1:29say that? Um with Miles, I believe he's
44. 1:32got a little bit of a Superman complex.
45. 1:34For Karen, she didn't like the cameras.
46. 1:36So, being able to have cameras away for
47. 1:38a little bit and us to be able to like
48. 1:39get to know each other a little bit
49. 1:40better.
50. 1:41And the Superman complex is a unhealthy
51. 1:43sense of responsibility or belief that
52. 1:46or belief that
53. 1:48um
54. 1:51Whoa.
55. 1:57It's a unhealthy Superman complex is an
56. 1:59unhealthy sense of responsibility or
57. 2:01belief that lacks the capacity to
58. 2:03successfully perform one or more tasks
59. 2:07consistent need to save somebody. Whoa,
60. 2:10that is off.
61. 2:16The Superman complex is an unhealthy
62. 2:18sense of responsibility or belief that
63. 2:20lacks the capacity to successfully
64. 2:23perform one or more tasks consistently
65. 2:26without the need to save someone, okay?
66. 2:29And and so I believe that Miles has a
67. 2:31little bit of this because this is part
68. 2:32of the people pleaser which we'll deal
69. 2:34with in another video for Miles as well.
70. 2:36But he has a little bit of the Superman
71. 2:37complex which is he needs to save. And a
72. 2:39lot of nice guys have this. Genuine nice
73. 2:43guys have this particular Superman
74. 2:45complex. In fact, we see even in
75. 2:46Christendom where we'll see guys
76. 2:50trying to save girls who are who are not
77. 2:53saved but on the street or see girls
78. 2:54trying to save guys who are not
79. 2:56Christians and say, "Hey, I want to I
80. 2:57want to be with you and I know that if
81. 2:59I'm around you, you'll be a better
82. 3:01Christian." But the truth of the matter
83. 3:02really is the person isn't going to get
84. 3:04better, okay?
85. 3:05So,
86. 3:06they you know, it's much easier to pull
87. 3:08someone down than it is to pull someone
88. 3:09up. And so with Miles, I believe there
89. 3:11is this aspect of him which believes and
90. 3:14hopes that just like his parents, if he
91. 3:16just becomes Superman for Karen Lois
92. 3:19Lane, then she will be able to be saved
93. 3:22and she will see him more than what she
94. 3:25sees him as. Now, unfortunately, Lois
95. 3:27Lane just can't see Clark Kent as can't
96. 3:30see Yeah, can't see Clark Kent as
97. 3:32anything else but Clark Kent. He is not
98. 3:34Superman. And unfortunately, that is the
99. 3:37truthful nature of where Karen sees
100. 3:39Miles at this particular moment. And so
101. 3:41within the the finale of the show when
102. 3:43they were sitting down and having a
103. 3:44discussion with
104. 3:46Pastor Pastor Calvin and Dr. Pepper and
105. 3:48Dr. Viviana,
106. 3:49his body language really spoke a lot to
107. 3:52us. Um you can see that he really was
108. 3:55like a better words I mean he was
109. 3:57annoyed I want to say yeah. He was
110. 3:59frustrated and you can see he was a cut
111. 4:01figure. The way he sat you saw him
112. 4:04spread leg arms all out wide a little
113. 4:06bit slouch into the chair. That wasn't
114. 4:08positive vibes for me.
115. 4:09Do you think it enriched your experience
116. 4:12in some ways?
117. 4:15In some ways it made it easier. I think
118. 4:19especially for cat
119. 4:20That shows me somebody who's fed up
120. 4:22okay. So we're saying wake up from the
121. 4:24matrix okay take the red pill and start
122. 4:26to see that life isn't as pretty as it
123. 4:30is. Now I know I know
124. 4:32Karen was trying to wake him up from the
125. 4:35matrix and say listen hey I am not as
126. 4:37nice as you're making me out to be but
127. 4:39she's she took advantage of the fact
128. 4:41that he was nice. That is the reason why
129. 4:43she's even attracted to him but we'll
130. 4:44deal with that in another video as well.
131. 4:46The reason why women like Karen are
132. 4:48attracted to people like Miles is
133. 4:49because the the narcissistic tendencies
134. 4:52and when I say that we all have some
135. 4:53level of narcissism in us. There's a bit
136. 4:55of love a self-loving in us in in most
137. 4:58of us all right. Um
138. 5:00There's a little bit of vanity in a
139. 5:01little bit of us as well. When you walk
140. 5:02past a car you look at yourself it's a
141. 5:03bit of vanity a self-love right. And so
142. 5:05when you meet someone that is such a
143. 5:07people pleaser unfortunately what can
144. 5:09happen is the dark side of you the the
145. 5:11dark side of which you haven't you don't
146. 5:13even know is in you sometimes or you're
147. 5:15aware of but you never thought it would
148. 5:16come out because someone would put you
149. 5:18in your place. Um you find yourself
150. 5:20actually now um stretching boundaries
151. 5:23because the person's boundary-less. And
152. 5:25so now you find yourself taking
153. 5:27advantage of the person simply because
154. 5:29the dark nature in you you're not under
155. 5:30control of it all right. Um but let's
156. 5:32continue onwards. He mentioned obviously
157. 5:34there was no sex for 4 months in the
158. 5:36marriage and he would be surprised if
159. 5:37somebody told him this at the beginning
160. 5:39of the marriage he wouldn't accept it
161. 5:40but
162. 5:41so so as it's so bees they were 4 5
163. 5:45weeks into the process and still no
164. 5:46emotional and no physical intimacy,
165. 5:50which is what he says.
166. 5:51wedding day that I would be here 4
167. 5:52months later and had not had sex with my
168. 5:54wife, I would have been pretty
169. 5:56surprised.
170. 5:57I think
171. 5:594 or 5 6 weeks in, I was like, we're not
172. 6:02Um and then he said obviously, you know,
173. 6:03he wasn't getting his needs met, okay?
174. 6:07Um and also as well that, you know, it
175. 6:08isn't clear that this woman could meet
176. 6:11his needs or has a capacity to. Um
177. 6:16and I think this is quite interesting
178. 6:17because we're seeing now Miles beginning
179. 6:19to wake up from the matrix and start to
180. 6:21realize Karen isn't all sweet roses.
181. 6:25Someone might say, "Well, Karen's been
182. 6:26trying to tell him that." Yeah, but the
183. 6:27point of the matter is she shouldn't
184. 6:29have to tell him that. She should
185. 6:30behave. You should take a control of
186. 6:32your own self. Look, if my misses, yeah,
187. 6:35wants to keep helping me, supporting me,
188. 6:37loving me, showing me affection, da da
189. 6:39da da da da, like going above and
190. 6:41beyond, do you know what my response is
191. 6:42going to be? To try and do as much as I
192. 6:44can to same for her. Do you know why?
193. 6:46Cuz a good human being does that.
194. 6:48Because when you really care about the
195. 6:49person, when you really love the person,
196. 6:51even if the person is is is doing the
197. 6:53most for you, you don't decide now I'm
198. 6:56going to do the least for you. Deep it.
199. 6:58You're a bad person in some Well, as I
200. 7:00say, the things that you do are bad,
201. 7:02okay? There's a term which says there's
202. 7:04no bad people, just people do bad
203. 7:05things.
204. 7:06But you are doing bad things. You are
205. 7:09taking advantage. That shows your your
206. 7:11your darkness within you, right? Because
207. 7:14look, if my misses is doing the absolute
208. 7:15most, I'm trying to do the absolute most
209. 7:17for her, too, within my reason. I'm not
210. 7:19trying to take advantage of your
211. 7:20niceness and your kindness. Anybody
212. 7:22doing that and then using excuse of
213. 7:23you're too nice and that's why I took
214. 7:25advantage of you, you're lying. The
215. 7:26darkness is in you. The darkness is in
216. 7:29you. Your lack of respect for the man in
217. 7:31front of you tells me more about your
218. 7:33heart than it does about him.
219. 7:35You understand? Um and then he goes on
220. 7:37What was interesting as well,
221. 7:39and I I I you know what is interesting
222. 7:41because Miles's facial expressions are
223. 7:42telling us a story in itself, okay? And
224. 7:45I believe that Karen, um as I've been
225. 7:47saying in my other reviews, I still
226. 7:49don't care even if they get married.
227. 7:50There are problems that are mounting up.
228. 7:52And Miles said it himself. He said,
229. 7:54"Listen, there are issues that we
230. 7:55haven't sorted out yet. Legitimate
231. 7:56reasons for us to say no." But he said
232. 7:58yes at the end of the day. And that's
233. 8:00even a problem itself, and we'll deal
234. 8:01with that with the people-pleaser video.
235. 8:02But he's um
236. 8:04And after that conversation they had
237. 8:05about not sure if she would be able to
238. 8:07meet his needs, etc. emotionally.
239. 8:09What was interesting was Karen's
240. 8:10response. I mean, it was For me, this is
241. 8:13exactly what I've been talking about all
242. 8:14season, the passive-aggressive
243. 8:16nature of Karen, the the the the
244. 8:19defensiveness of Karen. When she feels
245. 8:22that she's under attack, watch the tiger
246. 8:24Um
247. 8:25for me to be
248. 8:28very frank,
249. 8:30in the beginning, like when I think
250. 8:32about physical intimacy,
251. 8:33come out. Yeah? Watch the tiger come
252. 8:36out. When she feels like someone is um
253. 8:38about to uh defame the character, yeah?
254. 8:41That's when she comes out, yeah? And
255. 8:43it's interesting because um
256. 8:45she said obviously, "For me uh to to for
257. 8:47me to be very frank." And it's like,
258. 8:49"Yo, the energy she put behind the tone
259. 8:51of the very frank, the way her face was,
260. 8:53the way her body language showed, it
261. 8:55told me that you were com- you're going
262. 8:56to come at man. Yeah, you had enough of
263. 8:58what he said. And I'm Let me tell you
264. 8:59the truth. Let me tell you about
265. 9:01yourself." Because obviously you've been
266. 9:03talking to me about your emotions. Let
267. 9:05me tell you about yourself, to be very
268. 9:07frank. Yeah? To be very frank is in it.
269. 9:10Yeah? I I don't feel like I'm in that
270. 9:11emotional space I need to be in.
271. 9:13What by emotional intimacy?
272. 9:16Yeah? If that connection is not there,
273. 9:20then it's hard for me
274. 9:22to want to kiss you. It's
275. 9:24And I I showed you that guys on Married
276. 9:25at First Sight where she said she didn't
277. 9:27know she had the capacity to love him
278. 9:28like that.
279. 9:29I think she still doesn't know she has
280. 9:30the capacity to love him like that.
281. 9:31She's still trying to convince herself,
282. 9:33you know? Um you know, she obviously if
283. 9:35that connection isn't there emotionally,
284. 9:38um you know, then it's hard for her to
285. 9:40enter into the physical intimacy. That's
286. 9:42great, but you've had 4 months to do
287. 9:43this, sis.
288. 9:44What have you been doing for the last 4
289. 9:47minutes? Miles, wake up. Wake up and
290. 9:50smell the Kenko the coffee because it's
291. 9:53strong right now, sir. You had it good
292. 9:56when you said at the end, "We have
293. 9:58legitimate reasons to say no." because
294. 9:59you shouldn't have said no. And if you
295. 10:01wanted to continue, you could have
296. 10:02continued after the show is done, right?
297. 10:04And so, let's just start, you know, with
298. 10:05gold dating whatever, blah blah blah cuz
299. 10:07maybe that's what you need because a
300. 10:08marriage right now, you are not ready.
301. 10:10You are not ready. You know what I mean?
302. 10:12What I mean, what have you been doing
303. 10:13for the whole pandemic? For 4 months,
304. 10:15what have you been doing?
305. 10:17Um you know,
306. 10:19and then she goes on to say it's hard to
307. 10:20it's hard to kiss
308. 10:22um and hold your hand if I don't feel
309. 10:23that's where we're at right now. What's
310. 10:25really interesting
311. 10:27to want to kiss you. It's hard for me to
312. 10:28want to hold your hand. Like if I don't
313. 10:30feel like
314. 10:32that's where we are.
315. 10:33about this term is the fact that
316. 10:35they
317. 10:36um Miles tried to initiate a
318. 10:38conversation some episodes back about
319. 10:41intimacy, right? The calendar calendar
320. 10:43gate, okay? Um but before he got to the
321. 10:45calendar, he asked a very good question.
322. 10:47He said first of all, you know, about
323. 10:49intimacy and she said she's she's not
324. 10:50really feeling to have that
325. 10:51conversation. And then he said, "Okay,
326. 10:53how do we get there then, right?" And
327. 10:55that's when she deflected again by
328. 10:57saying, you know,
329. 10:58uh we'll get there when we get there.
330. 11:00Well, sis, if you want a man to lead,
331. 11:02you want the man to be masculine, you
332. 11:04want the man to give you a plan. You
333. 11:05want the man to take charge. You want
334. 11:07the man to put you in your place, but
335. 11:08you are not allowing yourself to let him
336. 11:10lead. You see, so when he asked that
337. 11:12question and said, "How do It was a very
338. 11:14good question. So, how do we get to that
339. 11:15place of intimacy?" We get there when we
340. 11:17get there. Well, sis, you just said
341. 11:19right now that you can't get to the
342. 11:21place of physical intimacy without there
343. 11:23being an emotional intimacy. How do we
344. 11:26get there then? That's the answer. You
345. 11:28have to be emotionally intimate. But how
346. 11:29do we get to the emotionally intimate
347. 11:31part? Is there an Is there another You
348. 11:32know what I mean? Like there seems to be
349. 11:34a barrier each and every time and a
350. 11:37hurdle for Miles to keep going through.
351. 11:39Miles, you need to wake up. Now, let me
352. 11:42be very frank here as well. Um
353. 11:44The The Mi- Miles Miles' problem here is
354. 11:47the boundary-lessness.
355. 11:49Okay? And when I say boundary-lessness
356. 11:50is that sometimes you can be a
357. 11:52people-pleaser so much that you're soft
358. 11:54on your boundaries and not hard. Right?
359. 11:57The boundaries are there for the safety
360. 11:59of your your yourself and the individual
361. 12:02person who is currently in your domain.
362. 12:04While you are in this marriage, she is
363. 12:07in your kingdom. And in the kingdom,
364. 12:10there are rules of And there are walls
365. 12:13and barriers and there is a boundary
366. 12:15that tells us what part is our kingdom
367. 12:18and what is not our kingdom. The things
368. 12:19that are not of our kingdom, you let
369. 12:21them know, say, "Hey, hey, hey, you're
370. 12:23Karen, you're going too far. That's
371. 12:24outside of the kingdom."
372. 12:26You understand?
373. 12:27And as a king As a As a as a king in a
374. 12:29kingdom, you have to dictate the rules
375. 12:32in that kingdom, Miles. And I think this
376. 12:34is where Karen's
377. 12:36I can I can understand where Karen's
378. 12:37maybe getting to a point where it's
379. 12:38like, "Miles, you're not showing me the
380. 12:41the aggressive line." And I'm talking
381. 12:43about in the sense of this relationship.
382. 12:45I'm not talking about in general because
383. 12:46I I feel there's a lot of women out
384. 12:47there that would never take advantage of
385. 12:49Miles. I think there's a lot of women
386. 12:50that wouldn't take advantage of Miles.
387. 12:51Unfortunately, nice people like Miles
388. 12:53meet
389. 12:55people like Karen who are broken still
390. 12:57and and and are executing and
391. 12:59controlling their relationship and
392. 13:01calling it, "I need time."
393. 13:03Where really what they're doing is just
394. 13:04controlling the relationship and the
395. 13:05flow and the pace of it and what can and
396. 13:07can't be done. Yeah?
397. 13:09Um you know,
398. 13:10she goes, um she admits that this is
399. 13:13isn't where she wants to be in the
400. 13:14marriage. And I'm like, "Yo, Karen, the
401. 13:15energy you're giving me right now is a
402. 13:17bit large. I need you to calm down, sis.
403. 13:20The energy you're giving me right now is
404. 13:21a bit large."
405. 13:22necessarily where I want to be in a
406. 13:24marriage either. No.
407. 13:28I buckle it down a little bit, man.
408. 13:30Bring it down a pic or two. You know
409. 13:32what I mean? Like Like why The energy
410. 13:35she brought to that that section it was
411. 13:36showed me that she was hurt by what
412. 13:37Miles was saying. See, you want Miles to
413. 13:39put you in a place. You want Miles to
414. 13:40communicate. You want Miles to say what
415. 13:42he should be saying. And as soon as he
416. 13:44does, you flare up. So, how can he put
417. 13:46you in your place?
418. 13:47You wouldn't have it. Whoa. You wouldn't
419. 13:49have it. You wouldn't You wouldn't have
420. 13:51him putting you in your place because
421. 13:54you would react defensively. Do you see
422. 13:56what I'm saying? So, this put me in my
423. 13:57place isn't existing, you know? The The
424. 14:00The The whole point is that, you know,
425. 14:02you know, she wants him to lead but
426. 14:04won't get out of the driver's seat. I've
427. 14:05told you guys this several times over.
428. 14:08And so, you know, the final point I want
429. 14:09to make on this is that he did say, you
430. 14:11know, he had they have legitimate
431. 14:12concerns as to why we should say no.
432. 14:14Well, so if you have legitimate concerns
433. 14:17as a king, you have the responsibility
434. 14:18of the kingdom on your shoulders and to
435. 14:20make sure that you regulate the
436. 14:22boundaries and the rules within that
437. 14:24kingdom. If that means that she's got to
438. 14:26go, that means she's got to go. Why do I
439. 14:28say that? It may not be going forever,
440. 14:30but it might be temporary. But let me
441. 14:31give you an example in the Bible. King
442. 14:33Xerxes, when Vashti didn't want to obey
443. 14:35the rules of the kingdom and come to him
444. 14:37during the banquet, what happened to
445. 14:38Vashti, please? She was removed and a
446. 14:41new queen was put in the place. Why?
447. 14:43Because there are kingdom rules that
448. 14:45need to be obeyed. And when you have
449. 14:47wise counsel around you who can guide
450. 14:50you and set you up in the right place.
451. 14:52This is why I like Woody because he's
452. 14:53making it very clear, bro. I'm It's not
453. 14:55You know, I've I've got to let you know,
454. 14:56this sounds a bit mad, you know what I
455. 14:57mean? Because you need to have wise
456. 14:58counsel around you to to exhibit to you
457. 15:00and say, "Hey, look, this
458. 15:02acceptable. This not so much." Um you
459. 15:06know, and uh the constant belittling and
460. 15:08the mask and to the the the
461. 15:09conversations around masculinity, you
462. 15:11know, we have to talk about this as
463. 15:12well. The residue that's going to be
464. 15:15left
465. 15:16in this relationship because of the
466. 15:18questioning consistently of the
467. 15:20masculinity is going to come up
468. 15:23eventually. It's almost like limescale
469. 15:25in your pipes. You don't see it and
470. 15:28eventually you clog up eventually your
471. 15:29pipes have a burst, clog up, or water
472. 15:31don't go down no more, right? Yeah?
473. 15:33Eventually the limescale takes hold and
474. 15:35takes control. Because you couldn't see
475. 15:37it though, you assumed you were good,
476. 15:39but I'm telling you now a very very
477. 15:41quickly it builds up and resentment
478. 15:43builds up in the person and then you see
479. 15:45the switch. The person no longer is
480. 15:47under your control and spell and so
481. 15:49therefore wakes up. But Miles looks like
482. 15:51he's been waking up for a few weeks now.
483. 15:53Miles, we need you to wake up. And
484. 15:56sometimes a good heartbreak wakes you up
485. 15:58in a different way that you'll never go
486. 16:00back to being the same again. You
487. 16:01understand? Um so
488. 16:04you know, I wanted to just do this quick
489. 16:05one just to give a little bit of the
490. 16:07episode there. Um I want to discuss in
491. 16:09another video talking about the people
492. 16:10pleaser. Break that down as well for you
493. 16:12guys. Hope you guys like what we're
494. 16:14doing. Comment, share, subscribe. Add
495. 16:16your two cents as well below. We love to
496. 16:18share your thoughts and your feelings as
497. 16:22well. Guys, we appreciate it a lot. Stay
498. 16:24loaded. More love.