Michael Scott Vs Corporate - The Office US — Transcript

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1. 0:00how could you possibly think this is a
2. 0:01good idea a lot of ideas were not
3. 0:03appreciated in their time
4. 0:04electricity shampoo you could have
5. 0:06burned down the whole building
6. 0:08i just want to say for the record i did
7. 0:09not kill anyone stanley was attacked by
8. 0:12his own heart
9. 0:13and he should be released from the
10. 0:14hospital and back in the office in a
11. 0:16couple days
12. 0:16did you shout fire causing a panic
13. 0:19yes i shouted fire i shouted many things
14. 0:22i also shouted instructions on how to
15. 0:25get out of the building so you can
16. 0:26imagine my frustration
17. 0:27as safety officer when nobody would heed
18. 0:29of what
19. 0:30he did he did of when no one headed take
20. 0:33headed out
21. 0:34no one would take headed of my
22. 0:35instructions
23. 0:38i don't see my workers heating
24. 0:41this right now
25. 0:45wait what okay
26. 1:00oh the city
27. 1:04dwight
28. 1:07we are not mad we are just disappointed
29. 1:09no we are mad
30. 1:10yes we are we are livid but we are going
31. 1:14to let this one slide
32. 1:15no we're not i am not a mind reader
33. 1:18david
34. 1:18[Music]
35. 1:20look this is a very serious offense
36. 1:24we have cause to fire you can you shut
37. 1:25down
38. 1:27instead shut down please
39. 1:31instead what i think we should do is
40. 1:33strip you of your title as safety
41. 1:35officer
42. 1:36and we should take a part of his pay and
43. 1:38donate it to the charity of your
44. 1:40choice something that dwight doesn't
45. 1:41like peta
46. 1:43michael you have to take responsibility
47. 1:46here one of your employees had a heart
48. 1:48attack
49. 1:48he could have died because of the way
50. 1:50you're allowing your office to run
51. 1:52do you want that on your conscience do
52. 1:54you
53. 1:55michael you're talking to me yeah
54. 1:58what so you are the lawyer mr o'malley i
55. 2:03know a lot of lawyer jokes
56. 2:04i love lawyer jokes well it's probably
57. 2:06because you don't get them
58. 2:08when i said before that i was king of
59. 2:10forwards you got to understand that
60. 2:12i don't come up with this stuff i just
61. 2:15forward it along
62. 2:17you wouldn't arrest a guy who's just
63. 2:19delivering drugs from one guy to another
64. 2:22you seem a little bit agitated michael
65. 2:23what's the problem the problem
66. 2:25is that i am the boss and apparently i
67. 2:29can't say anything
68. 2:32well that that's my that's true in a way
69. 2:35you can't
70. 2:36say anything where's the line where's
71. 2:39the line jan do you need to see the
72. 2:40video again michael i've seen the video
73. 2:42he talked the whole time no it didn't
74. 2:48what
75. 2:53attention everyone hello uh yes i just
76. 2:56want you to know
77. 2:56that uh this is not my decision but from
78. 2:59here on out
79. 3:00we can no longer be friends
80. 3:05and when we talk about things here we
81. 3:07must only
82. 3:08discuss uh work associated things
83. 3:12and uh you can consider this my
84. 3:14retirement from comedy
85. 3:16and the future if i want to say
86. 3:18something funny or
87. 3:20witty or do an impression i will no
88. 3:22longer
89. 3:24ever do any of those things
90. 3:27does that include that's what she said
91. 3:31yes wow that is really hard
92. 3:36you really think you can go all day long
93. 3:39well you always left me satisfied and
94. 3:42smiling so
95. 3:45that's what she said
96. 3:49michael please please
97. 3:53come on
98. 3:56happy halloween everyone no that's great
99. 3:59okay
100. 4:00happy halloween jan called
101. 4:05oh okay i know
102. 4:08why she is calling it's the end of the
103. 4:12month
104. 4:12and i was supposed to let somebody go by
105. 4:14the end of the month
106. 4:17and somehow i'm supposed to put on a
107. 4:18costume and smile
108. 4:22okay hey sherry michael scott returning
109. 4:27oh she's in a meeting uh she just wanted
110. 4:29the name of the employee you let go
111. 4:31well i'm gonna wait till the end of the
112. 4:32day because the book said it's best to
113. 4:34wait until the end of the day
114. 4:36i just need the name of who you're
115. 4:37planning to let go i don't
116. 4:39know yet i will have to call her back
117. 4:44i know she wanted the name okay
118. 4:47sherry yeah if you were getting
119. 4:50fired how would you want to be told so
120. 4:53that you could still be friends with the
121. 4:54person firing you
122. 4:58jen what's the name as soon as possible
123. 4:59michael thanks
124. 5:01i'll call her back i wish i could fire
125. 5:05sherry hey i'm still here okay
126. 5:09i'm sorry yeah nope okay like
127. 5:12hanging up now
128. 5:16i feel you no you don't you don't feel
129. 5:18us how can you you know what
130. 5:20not literally you say we're the same but
131. 5:22we get compensated
132. 5:23very differently yes we work the same
133. 5:25hours as you and you just said we work a
134. 5:27lot harder i
135. 5:27you do so but we get paid a lot less
136. 5:31word like next to no benefits i know god
137. 5:34what is that
138. 5:35exactly blows it blows man you know this
139. 5:37would not happen
140. 5:38if we had a union that's what i'm
141. 5:40talking about
142. 5:41yeah absolutely that's all right man see
143. 5:44that's what i've been saying man
144. 5:46we need to do this finally you know what
145. 5:47is that necessary because you already
146. 5:49sort of have a union
147. 5:50of guys it's more than necessary mike we
148. 5:53need this
149. 5:54roy you still have that card from the
150. 5:56dock workers union and my truckers
151. 5:58man hook come on man
152. 6:01you know what i think about that the
153. 6:04problem is the chicks
154. 6:06and you gotta blame them
155. 6:09are you with us mike yeah
156. 6:12welcome to the warehouse
157. 6:16michael michael michael
158. 6:20another issue is inequality of pay
159. 6:22between men and women
160. 6:24i'm sure that all of you have dealt with
161. 6:26that before this is important
162. 6:28ladies take a breather jan uh yeah
163. 6:32i wanna can i help you
164. 6:37um i wanted to say that the guys
165. 6:39downstairs are thinking about forming a
166. 6:41union and they have some good points
167. 6:43a union hysterical i'm not part of my
168. 6:45job is knowing how to talk to women
169. 6:48let's be rational here
170. 6:51what are the pros what are the cons are
171. 6:53that everyone will lose their job
172. 6:55michael everyone office warehouse
173. 6:58what do you think the pros are here
174. 7:02don't talk to me that way please just
175. 7:06they're going to want to hear this from
176. 7:07you oh you got yourself into this
177. 7:09michael so
178. 7:09you're bonding down there i mean i just
179. 7:11don't want to have to tell them
180. 7:12something they're not going to want to
181. 7:13hear
182. 7:14okay come on jan after all we've been
183. 7:17through
184. 7:17michael michael michael we have a hand
185. 7:19michael between us
186. 7:21don't say another word get yourself
187. 7:25down stairs okay
188. 7:28whatever
189. 7:33there she is jan levinson first thing in
190. 7:36the morning
191. 7:37love to start my day with a hearty bowl
192. 7:39of jan
193. 7:40michael just call me levinson in the
194. 7:44morning
195. 7:46baby michael yes
196. 7:51i'm here to tell you that we are closing
197. 7:53this granton branch
198. 7:58i don't understand the board voted last
199. 7:59night to close your branch
200. 8:03on whom's authority the boards
201. 8:09what i'm very sorry i i
202. 8:12i don't relish telling you this uh
203. 8:15you've been a big part of this company
204. 8:18and the board asked me
205. 8:19to thank you for your years of service
206. 8:22you're welcome a small number of people
207. 8:24will be transferred to the stanford
208. 8:25branch and the rest will be getting
209. 8:26severance packages
210. 8:30am i a small number person or a
211. 8:32severance package person
212. 8:33well we haven't made final decisions
213. 8:36about personnel yet
214. 8:39but you're a severance package person
215. 8:44oh my god oh my god
216. 8:47what do you think we could be doing
217. 8:48better i've never been a big fan of the
218. 8:51name dunder mifflin
219. 8:52i was thinking we could name the company
220. 8:54something like paper great
221. 8:56where great paper is our passion we're
222. 8:59great
223. 9:01i don't know could be good or a super
224. 9:04duper paper
225. 9:05it's super duper i don't know something
226. 9:08like that
227. 9:10okay okay thanks for coming in michael
228. 9:12thank you it is
229. 9:13always a treat when our pants cross it
230. 9:15is always a treat
231. 9:16when our pads cross so oh before i
232. 9:19forget
233. 9:20i wanted to let you know if you hadn't
234. 9:22already heard
235. 9:23jan and i are back together so i may
236. 9:26need to fill out one of those
237. 9:27love documents again you're back
238. 9:29together yes
239. 9:30and i'm very excited about the prospect
240. 9:32of working under her or on top of her
241. 9:35that's not sexual just we're
242. 9:37all professionals okay well uh i thought
243. 9:40it was clear in the description of the
244. 9:42position
245. 9:44the job you're applying for is jan's job
246. 9:47i don't understand so we're gonna tag
247. 9:49team it
248. 9:50no we're letting jan go
249. 9:58[Applause]
250. 10:00hey you hey
251. 10:03how was your interview pretty good yeah
252. 10:06could have gotten better i guess
253. 10:07oh i will put in a good word for you
254. 10:10cool maybe you should do it sooner
255. 10:12rather than later what
256. 10:14let's just run away together let's just
257. 10:16run away did you jamaica live in a
258. 10:17bungalow
259. 10:18you have some savings right you could
260. 10:19pay off my debts it would be
261. 10:21fine we'd have fun what's
262. 10:24what's the matter what what happened in
263. 10:26there
264. 10:28i can't tell you
265. 10:31tell me what
266. 10:39you son of a jen this isn't the
267. 10:42time
268. 10:44where the hell do you get off
269. 10:47frankly it's overdue your behavior in
270. 10:50the last two years has been completely
271. 10:52erratic
272. 10:53erratic recently you don't even show an
273. 10:55interest in your work
274. 10:56you smoke constantly in your office you
275. 10:58spend most of the day online shopping
276. 11:00you disappear for hours at a time
277. 11:01sometimes days always saying you're
278. 11:03visiting your sister in scottsdale
279. 11:05you go to scranton far more often than
280. 11:06you do is it because of these
281. 11:09hey whoa oh no because if it is
282. 11:12then then i will see you in court it's
283. 11:14not
284. 11:15no it's not because he likes them okay
285. 11:17he likes them
286. 11:18and and that is that is all i care about
287. 11:20time has come for you to end your
288. 11:22professional relationship with this
289. 11:23company
290. 11:24you are clearly unstable hey you're
291. 11:26unstable yeah
292. 11:28no we're all unstable okay you know what
293. 11:32i'm just not leaving i'm not leaving
294. 11:35not leaving david i did not tell her
295. 11:40hello stephanie okay where is he
296. 11:45michael so is this a meeting you've been
297. 11:49in all day
298. 11:51how did you get here michael i drove
299. 11:56okay cancelled my 15th anniversary party
300. 12:00just pulled the rug out from under me
301. 12:02he said no figs i've already bought them
302. 12:05and i don't have a place to store them
303. 12:07so i feel like i've been sort of boned
304. 12:10mike did you talk to him about this
305. 12:12you've talked to him all day
306. 12:13obviously did you talk to him about this
307. 12:15well i didn't know about the figs
308. 12:17specifically okay then i don't get it it
309. 12:19doesn't make any sense to me
310. 12:20because i thought in the new system that
311. 12:22i was supposed to talk to charles and
312. 12:23then charles was supposed to talk to you
313. 12:25and that would dilute any need for me to
314. 12:28ever talk to you about that's not
315. 12:29i exactly clearly that's what you wanted
316. 12:32no
317. 12:3215 years i've been here and i have
318. 12:36sacrificed a lot
319. 12:38yes i've put having a family on hold
320. 12:41readiness and i have never gone hang
321. 12:43gliding
322. 12:45and i've never driven my car to the top
323. 12:47of mount washington
324. 12:50i don't understand that after 15 years
325. 12:54of service here i have to get in the car
326. 12:58and drive to new york in order to talk
327. 12:59to you that doesn't seem right to me
328. 13:02that doesn't seem fair and i think
329. 13:06that i've earned more than that
330. 13:12yeah you're right
331. 13:15yes i get it i get it michael okay
332. 13:18here's what i'm gonna do
333. 13:20okay we will move some money around
334. 13:24and i will personally see to it that you
335. 13:26have your party
336. 13:28you have your figs i will be in
337. 13:30attendance it's gonna be great
338. 13:32how's that
339. 13:39i quit what
340. 13:44michael you have no idea how high i can
341. 13:46fly
342. 13:56[Music]
343. 14:13um