Michael Retires from Comedy - The Office US — Transcript

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1. 0:00so you are the lawyer mr o'malley i know
2. 0:03a lot of lawyer jokes
3. 0:04i love lawyer jokes well it's probably
4. 0:06because you don't get them
5. 0:08when i said before that i was king of
6. 0:10forwards you got to understand that i
7. 0:12don't come up with this stuff i just
8. 0:14forward it along
9. 0:17you wouldn't arrest a guy who's just
10. 0:18delivering drugs from one guy to another
11. 0:21you seem a little bit agitated michael
12. 0:23what's the problem the problem
13. 0:25is that i am the boss and apparently i
14. 0:28can't say anything
15. 0:32well that that's my that's true in a way
16. 0:35you can't
17. 0:36say anything where's the line where's
18. 0:38the line jan
19. 0:39do you need to see the video again
20. 0:40michael i've seen the video he talked
21. 0:42the whole time no i didn't
22. 0:46what
23. 0:52attention everyone hello uh yes i just
24. 0:55want you to know
25. 0:56that uh this is not my decision but from
26. 0:59here on out
27. 0:59we can no longer be friends
28. 1:04and when we talk about things here we
29. 1:07must
30. 1:07only discuss uh work associated things
31. 1:11and
32. 1:12uh you can consider this my retirement
33. 1:14from comedy
34. 1:16and in the future if i want to say
35. 1:17something funny or
36. 1:19witty or do an impression i will no
37. 1:22longer
38. 1:23ever do any of those things
39. 1:26does that include that's what she said
40. 1:31yes wow that is really hard
41. 1:35you really think you can go all day long
42. 1:39well you always left me satisfied and
43. 1:41smiling so
44. 1:44that's what she said
45. 1:49michael please please
46. 1:52come on you would have done the same you
47. 1:55just didn't think of it first
48. 1:56oh my god please i i really that's not
49. 1:59my sense of humor okay
50. 2:00hello jan mr o'malley this is my lawyer
51. 2:04james p
52. 2:04albini i believe you may recognize his
53. 2:07face from
54. 2:08the billboards he specializes in free
55. 2:10speech
56. 2:11issues and motorcycle head injuries
57. 2:13workers comp
58. 2:14and diet pill lawsuits this guy does it
59. 2:17all excuse me i'm sorry
60. 2:18michael mr o'malley is your lawyer
61. 2:22what mr o'malley is our corporate lawyer
62. 2:26we have him on retainer to protect the
63. 2:28company as well as upper level
64. 2:30management
65. 2:30such as yourself
66. 2:34so i'm not in trouble i am so used to
67. 2:37being the bad boy i am so
68. 2:39used to fighting corporate that i forget
69. 2:42that i am corporate
70. 2:43upper management they hooked me up with
71. 2:46an attorney
72. 2:47to protect me you can't be too careful
73. 2:51about what you say
74. 2:54about money my problems
75. 3:17you