Mental Health, Suicide, & the Power of Community | Haley DeGreve | TEDxYouth@Davenport — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:12A few years ago I was on a trip to South
2. 0:14Dakota with some friends, and we had
3. 0:16this mission to climb this mountain we
4. 0:18called the Butte.
5. 0:21I remember being in one of the lowest
6. 0:22moments of my life as my battle with
7. 0:24depression and suicidal thoughts was
8. 0:26weighing heavily on me.
9. 0:29I remember standing at the base of this
10. 0:31Butte thinking,
11. 0:32"How in the world am I going to climb
12. 0:35that mountain?"
13. 0:37And it was in that moment I had a
14. 0:38friend, he walked up to me
15. 0:40and he said, "Come on, Haley, let's do
16. 0:43this.
17. 0:44I'll carry you if I need to."
18. 0:47So there I was at 19 years old with my
19. 0:50depression, my anxiety, and my back
20. 0:52problems, which I still have today,
21. 0:55climbing this Butte.
22. 0:59It wasn't easy,
23. 1:01but I made it to the top.
24. 1:03And the view
25. 1:04was magnificent.
26. 1:07Did you know that if you're by yourself
27. 1:09standing and staring at a mountain that
28. 1:11you're about to climb, your brain
29. 1:13perceives that mountain to be 20%
30. 1:15steeper than the mountain that you see
31. 1:17while standing next to someone who's
32. 1:19going to climb it with you?
33. 1:22So our brains are literally more
34. 1:23resilient when we're together.
35. 1:27That's the power of community.
36. 1:30And I believe this power can help heal
37. 1:32our broken world to create one without
38. 1:34suicide.
39. 1:37Because we need it desperately.
40. 1:40Research shows that in America suicide
41. 1:42is the second leading cause of death in
42. 1:44ages 10 to 34 years old.
43. 1:48While it's a leading cause of death in
44. 1:49Americans, it's also the most
45. 1:51preventable.
46. 1:53Just as this is a community issue, we
47. 1:55need a community resolution.
48. 1:58Because when professional resources are
49. 2:00slim in today's world, preventing
50. 2:02suicide comes down to all of us, all of
51. 2:05you.
52. 2:07And it is possible.
53. 2:10I just never believed it until it
54. 2:11happened to me.
55. 2:13Because you see, 3 years ago, you
56. 2:15couldn't have told me that I would be
57. 2:16here, let alone on this stage.
58. 2:203 years ago,
59. 2:22there I was on my bedroom floor, shaking
60. 2:24and crying,
61. 2:26as I Googled the quickest way to kill
62. 2:28yourself.
63. 2:31Staring at a bottle of pills on my desk,
64. 2:33I wondered how many I would need to take
65. 2:36to die.
66. 2:38I didn't think I could have the strength
67. 2:40to live anymore, to to face another day.
68. 2:44I was so far in the suck, as I call it,
69. 2:47that
70. 2:48I didn't think that I could go on
71. 2:50anymore.
72. 2:53And see, as I look back, I
73. 2:55it's not necessarily that I wanted to
74. 2:56die, it's just that I didn't want to
75. 2:58live the life that I was currently
76. 2:59living.
77. 3:01And so in my mind, years of battling
78. 3:03intense depression, anxiety, PTSD, and
79. 3:06self-harm had caught up with me, and so
80. 3:08I believed that my fight with suicidal
81. 3:10thoughts would be over at just 20 years
82. 3:12old.
83. 3:14I just wanted the pain to end.
84. 3:18And it was in these final moments that
85. 3:21I had a friend call me
86. 3:23completely out of the blue to check in.
87. 3:27And even though he didn't know exactly
88. 3:29what to say, he listened. And knowing
89. 3:31that I wasn't alone gave me the strength
90. 3:33to fight, and I survived that horrible
91. 3:35night. One phone call saved my life.
92. 3:41As I began my journey in therapy, I
93. 3:43found ways to manage my mental health,
94. 3:45and I eventually had the courage to ask
95. 3:47for help. And as I did, people rallied
96. 3:49with me and stayed with me even
97. 3:51throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.
98. 3:53I even had a professor who wanted to
99. 3:55FaceTime me every single day from the
100. 3:57start of the pandemic until I graduated
101. 4:00in May of 2020 to ensure that I would be
102. 4:02okay.
103. 4:04I built a support network of people who
104. 4:07know how to care, how to listen, and how
105. 4:08to act in those next suicidal moments.
106. 4:12And they're the reason that I'm here
107. 4:13today.
108. 4:15Because with the right tools,
109. 4:17resources, and people around you, life
110. 4:20can absolutely become worth living. Hope
111. 4:22is attainable.
112. 4:26Almost every person I've talked to who
113. 4:27survived a suicide attempt has told me
114. 4:29that the moments between life and near
115. 4:32death were an instant regret.
116. 4:36Studies indicate that almost every
117. 4:37suicidal crisis is temporary.
118. 4:40And if we could reach people in those
119. 4:41moments where the emotional and mental
120. 4:43pain is too heavy to get them help, then
121. 4:46maybe, just maybe, we could save lives.
122. 4:53Because when resources are slim in
123. 4:54today's world, we all have to work
124. 4:57together at this.
125. 5:01This is something that we all need to be
126. 5:03equipped on.
127. 5:04Because according to the CDC, since the
128. 5:06beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic,
129. 5:08suicide attempts in young people
130. 5:10escalated by nearly 50%
131. 5:14The pandemic stripped us all of
132. 5:15community, of each other.
133. 5:18The surge in extreme mental distress has
134. 5:20left parents, teachers, health care
135. 5:21providers scrambling to find urgently
136. 5:23needed help in a broken mental health
137. 5:25care system.
138. 5:28This is all something that we need to be
139. 5:30equipped and educated on
140. 5:32because it could happen to anyone.
141. 5:37And I understand that we're not all
142. 5:39mental health professionals, trust me, I
143. 5:41completely understand that. But if we
144. 5:43could work together to create a world
145. 5:44where we could all thrive and not just
146. 5:46survive,
147. 5:48then maybe we could learn to climb this
148. 5:50Butte together.
149. 5:53So as we stand back and we look at this
150. 5:55giant looming problem in today's world,
151. 5:58we understand that we have already lost
152. 6:00far too many lives
153. 6:02to suicide.
154. 6:05How do we even begin to make a
155. 6:07difference?
156. 6:10I'm reminded of this old story by Loren
157. 6:12C. Eiseley, and it's about an old man
158. 6:15who's walking along the beach, and he
159. 6:17sees this little girl who seems to be
160. 6:18running up and down the beach
161. 6:20frantically.
162. 6:22And as the old man inches closer, he
163. 6:24realizes that hundreds of starfish had
164. 6:26washed up along the shore.
165. 6:28And the little girl is trying to save
166. 6:30each one before they dry out.
167. 6:34So the old man, he's a little puzzled by
168. 6:35this. And as he inches closer to the
169. 6:37girl, he realizes that she's trying to
170. 6:39save all of them, but he doesn't
171. 6:41understand why. So he goes up to her and
172. 6:42he says, "Little girl,
173. 6:44look at all these starfish.
174. 6:48You can't save all of them.
175. 6:50You can't even begin to make a
176. 6:51difference.
177. 6:53So you should just give up, you should
178. 6:54quit, and you should go home."
179. 6:58And that's when the little girl
180. 7:00picks up a starfish, looks at the old
181. 7:02man, throws it into the ocean, and says,
182. 7:05"But I made a difference to that one.
183. 7:10I made a difference to that one."
184. 7:14The old man was so moved by this girl's
185. 7:16example that he began helping her in her
186. 7:19mission, and eventually people passing
187. 7:21along the beach joined in, and all the
188. 7:23starfish were saved.
189. 7:28Just showing up for one person
190. 7:30could possibly change their world.
191. 7:35I was reminded of this 3 years ago after
192. 7:38founding a suicide prevention nonprofit
193. 7:40called The Gray Matters Collective.
194. 7:42I was trying so hard to reach people in
195. 7:44the gray area who were hurting, and I I
196. 7:46honestly just felt like I wasn't getting
197. 7:48anywhere.
198. 7:50And about a year later, I received a
199. 7:52handwritten letter
200. 7:55from someone that I graduated college
201. 7:56with
202. 7:58who was involved with our Gray Matters
203. 8:00chapter on campus. And in this letter he
204. 8:02wrote, "Haley,
205. 8:04I never told you this,
206. 8:07but that night of the first Gray Matters
207. 8:08event,
208. 8:10I was going to end my life.
209. 8:15But I walked into that event knowing and
210. 8:18seeing how many people showed up,
211. 8:19knowing that one person in that room
212. 8:22cared about my life, I walked away with
213. 8:24something that I haven't felt in a long
214. 8:25time, and that is hope.
215. 8:30You may not change the world,
216. 8:33but you certainly changed mine."
217. 8:39You
218. 8:41you have everything you need to make a
219. 8:43difference. You have a heart.
220. 8:46People who are suicidal, they they don't
221. 8:48need to be lectured.
222. 8:50This is about empathy, not shame, not
223. 8:52guilt, compassion.
224. 8:55Let's see people for who they are, as
225. 8:57they are.
226. 8:59Let's talk about mental health just as
227. 9:01much as we talk about this crazy
228. 9:03weather. Come on, Midwesterners, you
229. 9:04know what I'm talking about.
230. 9:07Let's understand that self-care is more
231. 9:09than a trendy term or a fad or a
232. 9:10T-shirt. It's not just about laying in
233. 9:12the bathtub with some cucumbers over the
234. 9:14eyes, listening to some music, cuz while
235. 9:16that does sound nice,
236. 9:19understanding that mental health is
237. 9:20health, and it should be a priority.
238. 9:24Let's create support groups in
239. 9:27workplaces, schools, gyms, jails,
240. 9:29churches, everywhere, creating spaces to
241. 9:32commune and to belong.
242. 9:35Let's ask people if they're okay on the
243. 9:37regular. If we see someone crying in
244. 9:39public, let's walk towards them, not
245. 9:41walk away from them.
246. 9:43We need people
247. 9:45to be leaders
248. 9:46by volunteering for suicide prevention
249. 9:49nonprofits,
250. 9:50showing up to events, showing people
251. 9:53that you see them and that you care.
252. 9:57Because
253. 9:59this next one's a little bold, but
254. 10:02what if we all work together to create a
255. 10:04world where compassion was valued over
256. 10:07compensation?
257. 10:09Compassion over condemnation,
258. 10:12understanding that our words can hurt
259. 10:14people or they can help people.
260. 10:17And we get to choose.
261. 10:20Because with compassion, we can advocate
262. 10:22for more mental health training, housing
263. 10:25security, food security, working to end
264. 10:27homelessness, standing up for those
265. 10:29being bullied, making mental health a
266. 10:31priority in every school and every
267. 10:33workplace because this is all suicide
268. 10:36prevention.
269. 10:40We need you to act urgently and act now.
270. 10:45Because mental illness doesn't
271. 10:46discriminate. It takes lives every
272. 10:49single day.
273. 10:52People do not commit suicide.
274. 10:56People die by suicide.
275. 11:00Die by depression.
276. 11:02Die by loneliness.
277. 11:04Die by bullying. The list goes on.
278. 11:09And while we might not be able to do
279. 11:11everything, change everything, we can do
280. 11:14something and do it really, really well.
281. 11:23Can you imagine if just each person
282. 11:25listening to this prioritized one more
283. 11:27person who is hurting?
284. 11:30Even if that person was you.
285. 11:36Because one of the best things you can
286. 11:38do to prevent suicide is to take care of
287. 11:41you.
288. 11:44Because even if you feel broken,
289. 11:46tattered, and torn, understand that even
290. 11:48the brightest glow sticks have to break
291. 11:50before they shine.
292. 11:52Your story is worth being told.
293. 11:57Because everyone matters. You matter.
294. 12:03And if you're listening to this and you
295. 12:05feel like you don't want to live
296. 12:06anymore, I
297. 12:07I need you to listen to me.
298. 12:11I need you to understand that you are
299. 12:14not a burden.
300. 12:17Your presence on this earth makes a
301. 12:19difference. There is something we would
302. 12:21miss if you were not here.
303. 12:25And if you don't believe me, call the
304. 12:27suicide hotline.
305. 12:28Talk to a friend or a family member.
306. 12:30Talk to someone that you trust. Go to a
307. 12:33support group.
308. 12:35Take a look at the people who fight for
309. 12:37suicide prevention every day for you.
310. 12:43Because yes, we might not be able to
311. 12:44take away the pain, but we can help you
312. 12:46heal.
313. 12:49Life is messy and it's hard and it sucks
314. 12:52sometimes and it might not get better,
315. 12:53but you get better.
316. 12:56Just don't do it alone.
317. 13:01You are worth
318. 13:02everything.
319. 13:05We want you to stay and and no, not
320. 13:07necessarily for us. Stay for you.
321. 13:11Stay for the ice cream you haven't
322. 13:13tasted, the sunsets you haven't seen,
323. 13:16the hugs you've yet to experience, the
324. 13:18places you have yet to be.
325. 13:21Stay for all the people you're going to
326. 13:23meet who are going to love you.
327. 13:28Because life is worth living.
328. 13:33And if we put our hands over our hearts,
329. 13:34we can feel the evidence of being alive
330. 13:36and we can understand
331. 13:38that it's a gift.
332. 13:47You are worth
333. 13:48so much.
334. 13:51Could you have the courage to reach out
335. 13:55to talk to someone?
336. 13:57Why?
337. 13:59Because you are important.
338. 14:05You are worth so much love even if you
339. 14:07don't feel it sometimes, even if it
340. 14:09doesn't feel like you deserve that all
341. 14:11the time.
342. 14:13You are worth everything.
343. 14:18Please stay with us.
344. 14:22You're not alone.
345. 14:25We're standing right next to you.
346. 14:28We'll carry you
347. 14:30if we need to.
348. 14:33We need you to be here
349. 14:35to see the life that's waiting for you
350. 14:37at the top of the Butte.