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Mel Robbins 5 Second Rule: How to Change Your Life — Transcript

by SUCCESS Magazine · 4,270 words · 581 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00[Music]
0:04I am here for you and I'm here for you
0:07because I believe there is greatness in
0:10you and I know you feel it don't you you
0:13feel that there is more you feel that
0:15there is there is something to do and
0:17there is and so I am here to teach you
0:20how to push that greatness to the
0:23surface how to how to use one simple
0:25tool one simple tool to find the clarity
0:29to listen to your inner wisdom and the
0:31courage to take action and the
0:33confidence to keep going to keep going
0:36despite what goes on because what I'm
0:38about to show you I'm going to prove it
0:40to you is that you can change anything
0:44in 5 seconds and that fact will change
0:48everything about your life
0:52everything now this what I'm about to
0:54talk about it this was my secret weapon
0:57for a long time and I never intended on
1:00sharing it with anybody because it
1:02sounds kind of stupid when you talk
1:03about it yeah you can change your life
1:05from Five Seconds you know just count to
1:07five um you're right Mel uhhuh you're
1:10trying to sell a book I know um
1:13seriously I don't want you to dismiss
1:17the power in the ideas that I'm about to
1:19share with you because they're so
1:21simple and what's funny is I never
1:24intended on talking about this I never
1:27intended on talking about it because I
1:29discovered it by mistake seriously about
1:328 years ago my life looked totally
1:34different than it does today I uh was
1:37unemployed my husband had a small
1:39business that was that was failing and
1:41failing miserably and it took our home
1:43equity line and the kids college savings
1:45and our 401K plans right down the drain
1:48with it and we had the leans hitting the
1:51house and we of course were fighting
1:52like crazy because you know when life
1:54blows what do you do you point the
1:56finger you say oh it's your fault oh
1:57it's my boss's fault oh it's the
1:59economy's fault oh this isn't fair and
2:02you know what's interesting about the
2:03way that human beings are designed have
2:05you ever noticed that when you blame
2:06somebody else and you point the finger
2:08there's three fingers pointing right
2:10back at you it's a big reminder that the
2:13power is in
2:15you but waking up every morning
2:18unemployed I certainly didn't feel
2:20powerful you know what I needed I needed
2:23confidence that was tapped out I needed
2:26courage nope didn't have any of that
2:29when the alarm rang this is what I felt
2:32like doing with the clock have you ever
2:33had one of those mornings right where
2:35you're like not today nope not today I
2:38do not want to get out of bed today I
2:39would lie in bed the alarm would go off
2:42and I would start thinking about the day
2:44ahead and I would start feeling
2:46overwhelmed and I would feel this sense
2:48of dread and I would feel like such a
2:50failure you know I remember this period
2:52of our life and I remember having those
2:54moments where I'd be at the grocery
2:56store and the items would be scanning
2:57and I would feel the fear rising up up
3:00because I didn't know if the check card
3:01was going to go through cuz I didn't
3:03have the courage to look at the bank
3:06account and so as I would lie in bed in
3:09morning and I would know by the way my
3:10inner wisdom was there and your inner
3:12wisdom is always there it's always there
3:13kind of nudging you pushing you begging
3:15you to go forward myner wisdom was like
3:17Mel you need to get up and I'd be like
3:19yeah I don't feel like it I developed
3:21this habit of hitting the snooze button
3:24over and over and over again every
3:25morning I became one of those those
3:27parents where the kids were always late
3:29and and you know here's the thing about
3:31life we don't we don't do this we don't
3:34ever kind of go to wake up in the
3:35morning go go you know what I'm going to
3:36do today today today I'm going to screw
3:39up my life today I'm going to hit the
3:41snooze button four times I'm going to
3:42blow off exercise I'm going to eat that
3:44whole tray of doughnuts then I'm going
3:46to go to work and snap at people I'm
3:47going to blow off working at my business
3:48I'm GNA come home and be mean to my
3:50spouse and impatient with my kids and
3:52then I'm G drink a ton it's going to be
3:53amazing right you know we don't do that
3:57what happens is when you're not paying
3:58attention
4:01when you're not really focused on what
4:03you want when you're not clear you make
4:05these small decisions all day long that
4:08slowly take you off course decisions
4:10based in self-doubt decisions based in
4:12fear decisions based in in panic
4:15decisions based in resignation and
4:17suddenly you wake up one morning like I
4:19did and you're like wait a minute wait
4:21how did I get over there and more
4:22importantly how do I get over here you
4:25know we all know we need to change but
4:26change is hard it's hard when you don't
4:29feel confident it's hard when you don't
4:32feel certain and that's exactly how I
4:34felt and I struggled and I struggled and
4:36then one night it's a really stupid
4:38story I saw this rocket
4:41launching and uh you know we're going to
4:43talk about this word
4:44courage now when you hear the word
4:47courage you think about the big stuff
4:49don't you you think about a life or
4:51death moment you think about your
4:53Heroes I want you to consider that
4:56courage is what you need every day
5:00that there are conversations you have to
5:02have that require
5:04courage for me I needed courage to get
5:07out of bed because our problems they
5:10just felt so
5:11big so I struggled and struggled because
5:13I knew what to do but I couldn't make
5:15myself do it have you ever felt that way
5:17like so frustrated with yourself you
5:18knew you need to exercise but you don't
5:20do it you know you need to drink less
5:22but you don't do it you know you need to
5:23stop procrastinating but you don't do it
5:26you know you need to have the tough
5:27conversations but you don't do it you're
5:30stuck that's how I was and then one
5:32night I see this rocket launch and I say
5:33oh oh my gosh that that's it that's it
5:35I'm going to launch myself out of bed
5:37like a rocket ship tomorrow morning it
5:39is going to be amazing I'm going to move
5:41so fast that my mind cannot talk me out
5:43of this now it could have been the for
5:45Manhattan's talking you know that gave
5:47me that idea because I had a drinking
5:49problem that's one of the things you do
5:51you get emotional you reach for the
5:53booze well for whatever reason the very
5:54next morning I woke up I still had all
5:57the same problems
6:00leans on the house talk and divorce with
6:02my husband of now 20 years just felt
6:04like such a loser I did not feel like
6:06getting up I will never forget this
6:08morning it was a cold dark winter
6:12morning in February outside of Boston
6:16Massachusetts and I just did not feel
6:19like doing anything different but I did
6:21one thing one thing that changed
6:25everything I started
6:27counting backwards five 4 3 2 1 and then
6:30all of a sudden I stood up and I was
6:34like what the hell just happened and the
6:37next morning 54321 I did it again and
6:39it's worked 54321 I did it again and it
6:42worked and I couldn't believe it and now
6:44that I'm almost 50 I I still use it at
6:472:30 in the morning when I wake up and I
6:49have to go to the bathroom you know like
6:50instead of like you know trying to go
6:52back to bed 54 3 21 and here's what I
6:55noticed I noticed something that when I
6:57say this to you you're going to be like
6:58oh my God she's right
7:00there is a 5-second window between the
7:02moment that your inner wisdom tells you
7:04you need to speak up you need to get to
7:06the gym you need to say something you
7:08need to get to work and your mind
7:10killing it and if you start counting
7:13backwards 5 4 3 2 1 you can close the
7:15gap between the greatness in you that's
7:17dying to come to the surface and the
7:20excuses that keep snuffing it down now I
7:22never intended to tell anybody about
7:24this because I started to use this to
7:26get up on time I started to use it to
7:27self-monitor so I didn't snap at Chris
7:29so I stopped drinking so much I started
7:31to use it to go on job interviews and it
7:34literally changed everything because I
7:37started to change I stopped being the
7:39kind of person that would think about
7:41everything and I 543 21 became the kind
7:44of person that started acting and every
7:46time I took action I started to build
7:49confidence now I gave this talk uh a
7:52couple years ago about how I had changed
7:54my career so many times and again I
7:56wasn't going to talk about the 5-second
7:57rule because it sounds stupid and in
7:59full disclosure I didn't know why it
8:00worked and plus I didn't want you to
8:02have it this was working for me so why
8:05would I want you to have it right so at
8:07the end of this talk this was the SP
8:09first speech I had ever given so if you
8:11ever want to see somebody have a 21
8:12minute long panic attack this is what it
8:14looks
8:15like I get off stage and I'm like I'm
8:17never doing that again and somebody puts
8:20the talk online and something crazy
8:22started to happen people from around the
8:25world started to write and they were all
8:27writing about this stupid
8:30simple very powerful 5-second rule they
8:34were using it to find the courage to
8:36reach out to people they were using it
8:38to become number one in sales they were
8:40sharing it with their teams we know of
8:4213 people that have stopped themselves
8:44from committing suicide using this rule
8:48this gentleman was a a veteran and he
8:49boarded the ferry with the intention of
8:52jumping over he gets to the railing and
8:55his inner wisdom kicks in I don't care
8:58how low you get I don't care how High
8:59you get your inner wisdom is always
9:03there and when you hear it it is Magic
9:07when you listen to it it changes
9:08everything his inner wisdom said this is
9:10not the answer he went 543 21 and he
9:12turned and he walked
9:14away we hear from people all over the
9:16world people that are using it to be
9:18more productive to quit smoking after 23
9:21years license plates tattoos for crying
9:24out loud look when people start
9:26tattooing this thing on their body like
9:28I started to feel a moral obligation to
9:31figure out why it worked so I'm going to
9:34tell you some of the science behind this
9:37I'm going to explain how you can use it
9:39and then I'm going to show you how
9:405-second decisions change everything so
9:43we all hear this just do it right most
9:45famous tagline in the world what's the
9:47difference between just do it and the
9:495-second rule this is a
9:52concept Concepts make you go upstairs I
9:54don't want you upstairs this is Behind
9:57Enemy Lines you're not going to grow
9:58your business Yourself by thinking you
10:00got to take action right before you're
10:02about to do anything even if you're an
10:04Olympic Athlete what do you do you stop
10:05and you think and that's the kiss of
10:08death now stop and think if you're going
10:09to get a tattoo or sign a contract but
10:12on the little stuff do not stop and
10:14think because what happens when your
10:17feelings of failure kick in and they
10:19will you start to think and that leads
10:21you to doubting yourself doesn't it and
10:23the same thing happens when you feel
10:25nervous same thing happens when you feel
10:27unsure the same thing happens when you
10:29feel like you're a fake the same thing
10:32happens when you feel overwhelmed look
10:34at all these feelings they're triggering
10:36you to think that's the last thing you
10:38should do this is what we call a habit
10:40Loop any pattern that you repeat becomes
10:43a a habit something you do without even
10:46thinking so how do you break it you
10:48train yourself to take action you train
10:51yourself that the moment you feel
10:52nervous you move why because when you
10:55take action you actually build
10:58confidence when you feel unsure and you
11:01move forward anyway 543 21 you are
11:04building the skill of confidence you are
11:06bringing that greatness to the surface
11:08now look self-doubts normal feeling
11:11overwhelmed is normal the people we
11:12admire the most felt the same way have
11:14you ever heard the story of
11:16Michelangelo so in the late in the early
11:181500s he had never painted a thing the
11:20pope goes over to see him in his Studio
11:23as he's carving a statue and the Pope
11:25Julius II turns to Michelangelo and says
11:27Hey Michelangelo I got some frescos I
11:28want you to paint in Vatican City you
11:31know what Michelangelo felt totally
11:34unsure do you know what he did he left
11:38town he hid from the pope for two years
11:42that's how unsure he was you know what
11:43the pope did he stalked him for two
11:45years pushed them until he actually
11:47painted those frescos how about a more
11:49recent one how many of you heard of
11:51Hamilton yeah Hamilton hit musical guess
11:55what three and a half years ago it
11:56wasn't even finished linnman well the
11:59guy that wrote it was busy messaging
12:02with his wife Vanessa what was he saying
12:04he was saying something you and I can
12:06relate to when it doesn't happen as fast
12:09as I'd like it to I have a hard time
12:11finding the balance between not beating
12:13myself up and not wasting time can't you
12:16relate to that she's like you're not
12:19unique dude we all struggle with this we
12:23all all all need the encouragement and
12:27the push you know and this this photo
12:29makes me sad because when I think about
12:31this kid right he's standing
12:33there the longer he
12:35looks the more he thinks about it the
12:39less likely he's going imagine the
12:42difference that a push makes imagine a
12:44coach behind him right right a coach a
12:48coach going come on Sammy you got this
12:50buddy you got this or an older
12:53brother the problem is in life usually
12:57there's nobody there to push you
12:59it's up to you that's why the 5sec rule
13:02is your new best friend this is what
13:04you're going to use to push yourself the
13:06moment you have an instinct to act on a
13:08goal you know you should do something
13:09but you don't feel like getting out of
13:10bed I don't care 543 2 1 you don't feel
13:13like being nice to your spouse I don't
13:14care 543 2
13:161 use this for behaviors that you need
13:20to do and for those things that are
13:22emotional that are killing you drinking
13:25too much eating a bunch of garbage
13:27smoking gambling
13:30addiction when you feel the emotion
13:32drawing you towards it 543 21 physically
13:35move away from it what is this actually
13:38doing in your mind when you count
13:39backwards it's pretty remarkable how
13:42such a simple thing does something
13:44extraordinary when you start counting
13:46backwards it is an action when you start
13:49counting backwards it requires focus
13:51when you start counting backwards you
13:53are manually switching the part of the
13:56brain that you're using you're
13:57activating your prefrontal Al cortex
14:00you're interrupting the Habit Loops of
14:02self-doubt of procrastination of fear of
14:06anxiety and you are taking control one
14:095-second decision at a time it truly is
14:14that
14:15simple I didn't say it was easy but it
14:18is this simple and it's not going to be
14:21easy because you're going to fight
14:22yourself now there are three ways that
14:25you can use this we've heard of
14:26literally hundreds of thousands of ways
14:28we've heard of from hundreds of
14:30thousands of people in 90 different
14:31countries that are using this Rule and
14:33they fall into kind of three buckets you
14:36can use this rule to change any Behavior
14:3854321 push yourself to do something that
14:41you know you need to do 54321 pull
14:44yourself away from something that you
14:46know you should not be
14:47doing you can use it for courage 54321
14:51step into that risk 54321 push yourself
14:54outside your comfort zone and the most
14:56important way you can use it is you can
14:58use it for mind control control this one
15:00matters the most to me so let me explain
15:02to you how to use it so a lot of people
15:04see me on stage or on CNN and they're
15:06like oo that chick was just born very
15:08confident and very annoying and um I
15:11know you laugh CU it's true um not true
15:15I I suffered from panic attacks for over
15:1820 years they started when I was 19
15:20years old they got so bad that I was on
15:23zolof it was a miracle drug for me and
15:25as I started to use the 5-second rule to
15:28literally I mean change everything to go
15:30from facing bankruptcy to running
15:33multi-million dollar companies joining
15:35the teams at CNN being a contributor to
15:37Dr Oz and success changing my marriage
15:39and how I
15:41behaved changing my health habits
15:43changing everything because what the
15:45rule does is it gives you control over
15:48your decisions it gives you control over
15:50those 5c moments that change everything
15:54for you because in those 5-second
15:56moments it's where all the opportunity
15:58and the joy in your life is so I
16:02wondered about 5 years ago I wonder if
16:03you could use this simple stupid
16:06brilliant rule to cure yourself of
16:09anxiety the answer is yes you can so
16:12I've been off meds for five years I
16:14haven't had a panic attack since hell I
16:16don't even worry about anything yes
16:20because I have used this rule to
16:23completely rewire how I think you're
16:26going to hear a lot about mindset today
16:28you want to adopt a growth mindset you
16:29want to change your habits this is a
16:31starting ritual that you can use for any
16:33of them let me explain how you do it in
16:35the mental
16:36game so have you ever noticed how your
16:38thoughts drift right you're sitting in a
16:41meeting and suddenly your thoughts are
16:42like blah blah blah blah blah garbage
16:44garbage garbage you suck suck suck suck
16:46right you know whatever it is the second
16:48that you get your thoughts drifting
16:50you're going to go 5 4 3 2 1 and yank
16:52them back here now the counting
16:54backwards is essential it doesn't work
16:56to just try to change your thoughts
16:58insert in the 54321 interrupts the
17:01pattern of bad talk to yourself and
17:05self-doubt and anxiety it awakens your
17:07prefrontal cortex so your brain is ready
17:11ready to receive a new thought you know
17:13I'm going to use an example that we can
17:14all relate to to explain specifically
17:17how to do this because I think this is
17:18so important I used to be in nutcase
17:20about flying I would get to the airport
17:22and I'd be in the boarding area and I'd
17:23be looking for Bishop TD Jakes and I'd
17:26be looking for babies and men and women
17:29in uniform because I would say if
17:30they're getting on my plane God is not
17:32letting this go down so then I I get on
17:35the plane and I would buckle up and then
17:37I'd start to feel the Panic rising and
17:39as soon as we take off and the plane
17:40does that scary thing where you get up
17:42and then all of a sudden it feels like
17:43it's like turning off as it's leveling
17:45off then I would start to panic and I
17:47would pull out my phone and I would
17:48start texting my children you know Mommy
17:50loves you Emoji Emoji Emoji because if
17:52I'm going to die in a plane crash I want
17:54the kids to know that as my last act as
17:56a human being was to be the best mom on
17:58the planet planet and then plus they've
18:00got it for the eulogy when they do the
18:01PowerPoint so they can prove it to
18:03everybody and you giggle you giggle
18:05because we're sick human beings we're
18:07all sick right if if we were to put a
18:10speaker on your head and broadcast the
18:12garbage you say to yourself you wouldn't
18:13be at success live you'd be in an insane
18:15asylum for crying out loud but here's
18:18the problem we listen to
18:20it we listen to
18:24it you let it Rob you of your precious
18:28lifetime you let it keep
18:30you from stepping into your greatness
18:33you let it stop you from saying what you
18:36really believe you don't have
18:39to the second you catch yourself
18:41thinking anything that doesn't serve you
18:4454321 take control 54321 insert a
18:49different thought every time I talk
18:51about this when I fly I I step on the
18:53plane with an anchor thought I think
18:54about where I'm going to go when I flew
18:56here you know what I thought about I
18:57thought about you so every time the
18:59turbulence happened I went 54321 I
19:02thought about you and my brain went oh
19:04she's not nervous about the plane she is
19:05so excited to see everybody at success
19:07live this makes sense one of you many of
19:10you are going to text me right after
19:12this and be like I can't believe this m
19:13I use that stupid simple thing you just
19:15talked about and this is the first time
19:17I have ever been able to get on a
19:19plane you can change how you think 5
19:22Seconds at a time do not ever
19:23underestimate your power to change the
19:25things that matter most to you this is
19:29one of the most shared stories in the
19:31history of social media a lot of you are
19:32going to recognize this this is Britney
19:34and her dad Todd now what you can't tell
19:36from this story is that it's been a
19:37horrible decade for this family you see
19:40Britney and Britney's dad and her mom
19:42got divorced and it's been an ugly
19:43divorce you know a lot of fighting and
19:45the spouses can't the new spouses can't
19:47Chand each other well today is Britney's
19:49wedding day and Todd is walking his new
19:52wife up the aisle and he has this inner
19:54wisdom kick in and he says to himself
19:57today I'm going to hear this family
19:59doesn't stop and think he turns he walks
20:02back down the aisle and instead of
20:04grabbing his daughter he grabs her
20:06stepfather a man he hates I mean look at
20:09the expression on the lady next to them
20:11for crying out
20:14loud and he invites him to walk their
20:18daughter down the
20:20aisle 5 Seconds changes everything and I
20:25can tell you firsthand because we
20:26interviewed this family for CNN it
20:28certainly changed this
20:30one so whether you are going to use the
20:34rule to
20:3654321 get out of your head and start
20:39that nonprofit you've been thinking
20:41about for two decades or you're just
20:44going to 54321 get yourself out of bed
20:48because you said you would or you find
20:51yourself in one of the darkest places of
20:53your life like Adam
20:56did so on March 1st Adam was over in
20:59London he's a lawyer over there and he
21:01was sitting with a bottle of pills and
21:02he was three pills in and his inner
21:04wisdom kicked
21:06in he knew that this was not the answer
21:09and he also knew the 5c Rule and he went
21:125 4 3 2 1 and he got up and he got in
21:14his car and he drove to his doctor's
21:16office and he had the courage to listen
21:20he had the clarity to seek help and he's
21:23been using it ever since and it's like
21:25he has a friend with him and he uses it
21:28to not interrupt judges when he gets mad
21:32and as he writes to us he says it's not
21:35only literally saved his life but he's
21:37actually doing pretty good and I'd like
21:39to introduce you to because he's flown
21:44here come on
21:57up I'm so proud of
22:00you don't ever doubt your ability to
22:04change your life to change your life you
22:08know you have power in you and now you
22:11know thank you it is a privilege to
22:14share this with you thank you please
22:17please please use it and please let me
22:19know how you use it um uh seriously I I
22:24it is such a I feel like I'm just a
22:26messenger for something that making a
22:29difference for people everywhere so
22:31thank you for the opportunity to share
22:33this with you

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