Meditate while you masturbate (get control over your orgasm) — Transcript

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1. 0:00The way you have sex with yourself
2. 0:02sets the stage for how you have sex with other people.
3. 0:06And that's why it is so important that you do it correctly.
4. 0:08Because when done right, masturbation can help you to last longer
5. 0:12in bed to get and stay hard, to have mind-blowing,
6. 0:16orgasmic experiences, to be a better lover and a partner.
7. 0:20And when done wrong, masturbation can cause
8. 0:23premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation
9. 0:26and general disconnection between you and your lover—
10. 0:30or you and yourself, which is-- you are your lover in masturbation.
11. 0:34So, how do we do masturbation right?
12. 0:36There's no one right way.
13. 0:37But one thing that I invite you to consider is called “mindful masturbation
14. 0:42practice” or meditation.
15. 0:44In this video, I'm going to teach you exactly how to do just that.
16. 0:47And no, it doesn't have to involve, like,
17. 0:49a bunch of breathwork and sitting under trees
18. 0:51and going to retreats or whatever, whatever.
19. 0:53I'm going to make it
20. 0:54super duper simple so that you can get everything out of this practice.
21. 0:57And by the end of the video, you're going to know
22. 0:59everything that you need to know in order to do this for yourself.
23. 1:02But if you want me to be your guide, I have created a free
24. 1:06downloadable guided masturbation audio
25. 1:09that you can get for free in the link inside of the description of this video.
26. 1:13First up, why even engage in this kind of practice?
27. 1:16Every time you masturbate, you are either moving yourself one step closer
28. 1:20to being a better lover or one step further from your goals in bed.
29. 1:24But it's not just for your partner. It's for you.
30. 1:26Masturbation is a sacred practice.
31. 1:29It is, like, medicinal.
32. 1:30When the human body was designed, how it evolved, like
33. 1:34the creator or whatever, it was like, ‘I'm going to throw in some bonuses.
34. 1:38‘They're going to both get hands and genitals, ‘and when they combine
35. 1:41those two, ‘they're going to have, like, free drugs, free, ecstatic states
36. 1:46in your body.’ For zero-cost and a very small expenditure of energy,
37. 1:50you can create this like incredible pleasurable orgasmic state.
38. 1:54The true root of quality sex, both with yourself
39. 1:57and with a lover, is connection,
40. 1:58and having sex with yourself in a way that connects you to you is vital.
41. 2:03So many of us are looking at our partners or at porn
42. 2:06in order to get back to ourselves sexually and get pleasure for ourselves.
43. 2:10But really, the core and most important piece of the entire equation is you.
44. 2:14All of us were taught that, like,
45. 2:16masturbation is at best, like a silver medal and, like, under most circumstances,
46. 2:19just a way to, like, blow off stress in between work and playing video games
47. 2:23or sleeping or dealing with your kids or whatever it is. Right?
48. 2:25So think about it for a second. Like, where did you learn
49. 2:28what masturbation should be and how it should look?
50. 2:30Who taught you how to jerk off?
51. 2:31It was probably like an older brother or a sibling.
52. 2:34Maybe you just learned it on the internet.
53. 2:36And this is especially true
54. 2:37if you are dealing with a challenge in the bedroom you might be jerking it
55. 2:41in such a way that you're actually making your challenges
56. 2:44worse, you're beating up your poor little nerve endings.
57. 2:47They just can't handle it.
58. 2:48Or they become so easily stimulated that you ejaculate right away.
59. 2:52So what do guys do?
60. 2:53Well, they either keep going at that same style,
61. 2:56they pour on gasoline on top of the fire and go harder or add extra porn,
62. 3:01and they inevitably end up dealing with the same problem
63. 3:04because they haven't changed their nerve endings.
64. 3:06They haven't changed the way that their body relates to the kind of stimulation
65. 3:11that they're giving it.
66. 3:12And the nice thing about this practice is that it
67. 3:14actually just adapts to whatever your body needs.
68. 3:16So there's not like one way to do mindful masturbation
69. 3:19if you're dealing with premature ejaculation, a different one
70. 3:21if you're dealing with erectile dysfunction.
71. 3:22It's going to be the same thing no matter what.
72. 3:25So, what is a mindful masturbation and meditation practice?
73. 3:29it's pretty much exactly what it sounds like.
74. 3:31And don't worry,
75. 3:31even if you have never meditated a day in your life or if that idea makes
76. 3:35you want to sprint as far away from this video as humanly possible.
77. 3:39Trust me, this is very, very different than any other guided meditation
78. 3:43practice that you have ever heard of or imagined before.
79. 3:47And that's because basically what you're going to do
80. 3:49is masturbate in a slow and intentional way
81. 3:53with a specific intention and specific style in mind.
82. 3:57The goal for the whole thing is not to reach orgasm like most masturbation is.
83. 4:01The goal is actually to stay present with your self connected to yourself
84. 4:06while you arouse and stimulate your body.
85. 4:08So you're going to remain mindful— of your body, of your breathing,
86. 4:13of your level, of eroticism, of how close you are to orgasm.
87. 4:17This is a practice, okay?
88. 4:18It's not something that you're going to necessarily nail
89. 4:21right out the gate, but just like masturbation, it's
90. 4:22something that you're going to do more than one time, right?
91. 4:25You're not going to just one
92. 4:26and done, jerk off once in your life and then you're done.
93. 4:28So this is a thing that you are going to practice that
94. 4:31and you're going to develop mindfulness
95. 4:32when you masturbate and it's going to actually help you
96. 4:34to develop that outside of the bedroom as well.
97. 4:37It's also going to help you to become less goal-oriented with pleasure, right?
98. 4:40the goal is just to be with you.
99. 4:41That makes it something that can be easy and fun.
100. 4:44And I want you to make it something that you can commit to.
101. 4:46So agree to just do this like once, maybe twice a week at first.
102. 4:51I'll be honest with you, it may feel a little wonky.
103. 4:53That's okay.
104. 4:53Like it might even bring up some parts of you that are like having do it.
105. 4:56I'm resisting like that little internal toddler that just wants to throw
106. 4:59a temper tantrum and just wants to like go back to watching porn and drinking it
107. 5:02in 30 seconds or less like, that's what he's familiar with— and that's okay!
108. 5:06I invite you that all the parts of you that are coming forward,
109. 5:08including that little internal temper tantrum guy, are just there
110. 5:12to help you to determine what's getting you in your own way.
111. 5:16Those are the parts that want to be healed so that you can come up
112. 5:18and have the great sex that you want to have.
113. 5:21There also maybe be a part of you that's saying to you, maybe even right now
114. 5:24that this is stupid, self-indulgent, it's a waste of time.
115. 5:27Right?
116. 5:27And I know because those are the same little demons
117. 5:30as sit on my shoulder every single time that I go to do this practice for myself.
118. 5:34But I'll say to you
119. 5:36exactly what I say to myself, which is just let that demon be there.
120. 5:39Those thoughts are not necessarily the truth, the truth about you.
121. 5:42They're just your ego
122. 5:44trying to keep you safe by keeping things consistent and resisting change.
123. 5:49I'll say more about that in a second when I walk you through the practice,
124. 5:52because right now I'm going to tell you exactly how to set yourself up
125. 5:55so that you can do this for yourself and get the most out of it.
126. 5:58Step one, prepare yourself and the space.
127. 6:01Set aside an appropriate amount of time, at least 30 minutes, maybe more.
128. 6:05Create a private space for yourself where you know
129. 6:07that you're not going to be interrupted.
130. 6:09You can lie on your bed or a cushioned mat, yoga mat.
131. 6:13It might be nice to change things up if you're in the habit of always
132. 6:17masturbating in the exact same location, switch it up, try something
133. 6:21new and make sure that you're comfortable in whatever you decide.
134. 6:24Because this is all about honoring your body and pleasure.
135. 6:26This is not about, you know,
136. 6:27having to like stick through something even when it is not feeling very good.
137. 6:31All right.
138. 6:31Step number two, set an intention and consider lighting a candle.
139. 6:34The candle is optional, but I love having that little external
140. 6:38reminder of the internal journey that I'm going on.
141. 6:42I think that having a candle around— like they represent earth and water
142. 6:45and fire and air and ether and they're kind of pretty
143. 6:48and it just kind of looks like a nice little
144. 6:49like way of marking that you've entered into a special space.
145. 6:53All right. Now, your intention.
146. 6:54An intention is a desire or a wish that you're not attached to.
147. 6:58An intention could be to let yourself be surprised or let it be easy,
148. 7:02or just to be present or gratitude, or to be with yourself without judgment.
149. 7:06It doesn't have to be too fancy, and you don't have to track it so super
150. 7:10closely.
151. 7:11It's enough to just set it and let it free.
152. 7:13All right.
153. 7:14Step number three, you want to be able to just focus on sensation and pleasure.
154. 7:19Consider taking off or loosening your clothing.
155. 7:22You can do this completely naked.
156. 7:23Just recommend that you don't do it like what
157. 7:25you're wearing jeans or something uncomfortable.
158. 7:26Like really treat yourself.
159. 7:28Step number four, breathe.
160. 7:29That's super simple.
161. 7:30I'm going to ask you to inhale for a count of four.
162. 7:33Hold for a count of seven, and exhale slowly to account of eight.
163. 7:37Repeat this for 3 to 5 minutes and you'll start to feel a little shift
164. 7:42in your body.
165. 7:42This is your nervous system down regulating,
166. 7:45and it will look a little bit different depending on your own body
167. 7:48and your own bodily awareness.
168. 7:49You might like suddenly become more aware of your body.
169. 7:52You might feel your legs or your toes.
170. 7:54You might feel your back or your feet.
171. 7:55You might feel the muscles in your face start to release or your hands
172. 7:59begin to unclench.
173. 8:00You might actually just hear the little voice in your head start to quiet down.
174. 8:05Your eyes might relax.
175. 8:06You might be able to see a little bit further on your periphery.
176. 8:09If you don't feel any of those things, don't worry.
177. 8:11Just keep breathing.
178. 8:13Keep make sure that you give yourself like
179. 8:14at least 5 minutes, maybe a little bit longer.
180. 8:17All this is doing is helping your nervous system get out of “fight
181. 8:20or flight” and into “rest and digest,” “feed and breed.” Now.
182. 8:25This is also a good time to close your eyes, if that feels good to you.
183. 8:29But if that feels like too much, you can keep them open.
184. 8:31No problem again.
185. 8:32All right, number five,
186. 8:33start to touch your body—but not specifically your genitals.
187. 8:37While you're still breathing consciously—you don't have to keep doing
188. 8:39the four seven, eight breath, but like, just keep breathing slowly
189. 8:43focusing on your exhale—begin a very gentle touch all over your body...
190. 8:49except for your genitals.
191. 8:50Make sure you include your face, your neck, your collarbone,
192. 8:54nipples, your inner thighs, your butt, your underarms, your ribs, your hips.
193. 8:59Try to find body parts that you haven't maybe touched for a while.
194. 9:03Move super slowly, allowing all of the different nerve endings on your skin
195. 9:07to begin to awaken.
196. 9:09Then start to incorporate your genitals again
197. 9:12by lightly grazing them as you're touching the rest of your body.
198. 9:16It's like you're bringing them into the party, slowly welcoming them in.
199. 9:20And once you've done that, you can begin to give yourself a little firmer,
200. 9:24a little faster strokes, and begin to move
201. 9:28your attention straight on to directly on to your genitals.
202. 9:31Which brings me to step six, get out your oil.
203. 9:33I highly recommend that you use oil for this.
204. 9:35It tends to stay slick for a very long time.
205. 9:38(If you’re going to have sex afterward, don't use oil because you can't combine it
206. 9:42with condoms!) So you're going to begin to use this oil to stroke yourself.
207. 9:47But I invite you
208. 9:48to stroke differently than you would for a typical masturbation session.
209. 9:53Opt for different strokes; do unique and unfamiliar and imaginative things.
210. 9:57Switch up and use your left hand
211. 9:59instead of your right, or your right hand instead of your left.
212. 10:01The goal here isn't to get you directly to orgasm.
213. 10:03The goal is to engage with your nerve endings while still breathing.
214. 10:07And still reminding yourself of your intention
215. 10:09and delighting in shifting and stimulating your body in different ways.
216. 10:12Keep this going for a while.
217. 10:15Keep breathing slowly, Keep breathing deeply.
218. 10:17Take note of anything that your mind begins to distract you with.
219. 10:21Use your other hand to continue to touch your body in new and different ways.
220. 10:26Which brings me to step seven,
221. 10:27begin to touch yourself in a way that does move you to orgasm.
222. 10:31Continue to deepen your breath, continue
223. 10:33to focus yourself on your body, begin to make some noises.
224. 10:37You can also move around. If you want to dance, you can wiggle.
225. 10:40You can hump as if you were with a lover.
226. 10:42Like, whatever your body wants to do.
227. 10:43Just keep your focus on your breath, on your body, and on your pleasure.
228. 10:47Step eight, extend this period of time for as long as it feels good.
229. 10:50If you usually orgasm quicker than you'd like, then see how long
230. 10:54you can stay in this phase without going over the edge.
231. 10:57If you find yourself really getting close to orgasm, you can always back off.
232. 11:01You can use both hands to touch the rest of your body.
233. 11:03You can imagine that orgasm and that energy
234. 11:06sort of like moving around the rest of your body.
235. 11:08Alternatively, if you struggle to get to orgasm,
236. 11:10you start to feel your body moving in that direction.
237. 11:12See if you can relax into it instead of forcing it.
238. 11:15So try not to clench and, like, force and squeeze out an orgasm.
239. 11:19See if you can stay relaxed and open while still building pleasure and tension
240. 11:22and riding that wave of relaxation to orgasm—instead of tightness.
241. 11:27If you do,
242. 11:28I promise that you will have a bigger and more explosive, more pleasurable orgasm.
243. 11:33Trust in yourself and know that you can't screw this up, F--- around and find out.
244. 11:36No matter what happens.
245. 11:37You can always come back to practice again tomorrow.
246. 11:40And finally, for our last step, aftercare.
247. 11:42Whenever you complete,
248. 11:43whether you had an orgasm or not, do not just jump up once you're done.
249. 11:47Remain still for a second.
250. 11:49This is such an important piece. Please do not skip this.
251. 11:51Lie down.
252. 11:52Take several moments to just bask in the energy that you created for yourself.
253. 11:59Let yourself swim in that joy in that post, orgasmic bliss.
254. 12:04Stay longer than you think you even should.
255. 12:07Bring yourself back to your breath.
256. 12:09Take notice of how you're feeling.
257. 12:11Anything that your mind says to you, anything that maybe comes
258. 12:14through—creative ideas, all kinds of stuff can happen in this moment.
259. 12:17Take a second before you get up to celebrate yourself.
260. 12:20You did it!
261. 12:20You gave yourself the gift of time and space and pleasure.
262. 12:24Congratulations.
263. 12:25So if you'd like my full guided meditation recording where I walk you
264. 12:29through each step of this practice (and therefore you don't have to remember
265. 12:33it) go to the link in the description and download my recording.
266. 12:38You can listen to it on your phone or laptop, wherever you're watching
267. 12:41this video.
268. 12:42Make sure that you subscribe to this channel for more tips and tricks
269. 12:45to make sure that you are enjoying the best sex of your life.
270. 12:49I'm Caitlin V.
271. 12:50I will see you here next week. Bye-bye!