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Matthew McConaughey: Life Got Easy After I Learned This — Transcript

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0:00When you think about your life right
0:01now, you do so much. You were just
0:02talking about all the projects and
0:03travel and everything.
0:05>> If you ever get a day that has no plan,
0:07no schedule, no timeline, no phone,
0:10>> no commitments. What does that look like
0:12for you?
0:12>> Oh, I don't get many of those. And I
0:16need to my hunch is I need to learn to
0:19get more of those. And when I get them,
0:21I can be better at them because I have a
0:24love of accomplishment to even feel a
0:27significance for the day.
0:30>> You know, I sleep better. Um when I have
0:33a purpose and I went after something,
0:34even if it's just building something and
0:37um I I'm still learning. I'm got to
0:40remind myself now. I used to be better
0:41at it actually to
0:44I just go daydream. Mosy. Let's take a
0:47mo. Everything's going to swing by
0:49today. That's one thing I've I quit
0:51calling appointments appointments and
0:53call them swingbys and all of a sudden I
0:54find I get just as much done but but I'm
0:56just it's just in my dance of the day.
0:59>> But if I have one full day off
1:02>> um I will
1:03>> get my 9 and 1 half hours sleep which is
1:06preferred which means maybe I sleep till
1:089:30. I'll get up um take my time moy
1:13down. If Camila was up, my wife was up
1:15before me, she'll have left me a a match
1:17of tea. If uh uh if she wasn't or had to
1:20rush out the door, I'll go make that
1:22tea. While the water's boiling, I'll
1:24I'll go probably uh do eight pieces of a
1:27puzzle, which is a wonderful way. I love
1:30starting my day on that slow, simple.
1:33Ah, eight little connections. Ah, you
1:36made you rhymed eight different things.
1:38Very simple. Then I'll usually head out
1:40to the maybe the front porch, have that
1:42first tea, catch hopefully catch 15
1:45minutes of some morning sun face. How
1:48obviously the mindset of achievement and
1:51purpose and growth has served you so
1:54well, but there's a part of you that
1:56sounds like I would like more days like
1:58this. Where does that come from?
2:00>> I love to be on task. I love to have
2:02something that I'm building and reaching
2:05to finish and and do. I love the
2:08building of that. I've started a lot of
2:10the campfires in my life that I'm still
2:11building. Um, and I have plenty to fill
2:15my 24-hour days. At the same time, I
2:19want to keep learning and and be
2:22inspired by something new or, you know,
2:24pick up something that I didn't like. I
2:26just picked up tennis four years ago. I
2:28didn't have I noticed I said you hadn't
2:29had a hobby for 25 years, Matt. Hey, you
2:32found your first hobby. I thought
2:34writing was a hobby and I was like, "No,
2:35no, that's actually not a hobby." You
2:37know, but to find to be open to finding
2:40a new hobby, a new to go somewhere, not
2:44I don't know where we going. We're going
2:45for a walk.
2:46>> Mhm.
2:46>> To no destination in particular,
2:50>> you know, to to lose track of time.
2:52>> Yeah.
2:52>> With success and with a busy life and I
2:54got a full life and I got a family and I
2:56got a career. I my hunch is that while
3:00that can fill my days completely for my
3:03own evolution in art just to make sure I
3:07can still have that beginner's mind
3:08where I can go go daydream
3:11>> for nothing in particular. Go go go go
3:13go where your nose takes you.
3:16>> You know what I mean? Or go where your
3:18ears take you. Follow that to give my to
3:20make sure I'm giving myself time
3:23>> to let that happen. I think is a good
3:25pro I think is a good it always seems to
3:26pay off. Yes.
3:28>> And it never looked at as like time not
3:30well spent.
3:31>> You know what I mean? But in the time I
3:33can get a little bit anxious and be
3:34like, let's do let's get ahead on that
3:37thing, you know? Let's let's bring that
3:39thing that you were supposed to have
3:40done next Friday. What if we got that
3:42done now?
3:42>> Yeah. Yeah. I can relate to that. I can
3:44I can relate to that. And I can see it
3:47too in in how easy it is as someone who
3:49loves what they do and loves creating
3:52and building and I fully get it. That's
3:55I mean there's the upside and I'm I'm
3:56not over here bitching about that. I I'm
3:59happy to have things in my life that I
4:01love to build and do.
4:03>> My wife knows it. She I'm I'm probably
4:05most happy. It's probably obvious
4:07>> when I'm when I'm working, when I have a
4:10when I have a schedule, when I have a
4:11day that is this many hours or 12 hours
4:14or I just got through shooting something
4:15for two months and then boom, hopped off
4:17next day went into shooting something
4:18for three days. I I love that. I sleep
4:21well. The food tastes a little better to
4:24me. that night that cocktail that panel
4:29on ice tastes better that night. I'm
4:32actually I think have more time
4:35and I'm a better father to my kids, the
4:38conversations and I'm more present when
4:41I have that uh sense of accomplishment
4:43through the day.
4:44>> Yeah. What's uh you've written so many
4:46chapters, you've lived so many chapters.
4:48What would this chapter of your life be
4:50called? Who? That's a great question.
4:54Um,
4:55so I'm just turned 56 [sighs and gasps]
4:59and
5:0140s were my favorite decade. I think I
5:05really customized. And I found that to
5:06be true for a lot of people, especially
5:10a lot of the men I talked to, they go,
5:11"Man, 40s, you get rid of all that stuff
5:13where you're wasting your time and
5:15you're honing in on the stuff that turns
5:17you on." Um,
5:19look, 50s, I'm still in a
5:23the early the first few years of 50s
5:26were a little wobbly for me. So, you go,
5:28"Oh, is this that midlife crisis?" And I
5:30go, "What is that? I don't like the word
5:32crisis on that. Sounds like a midlife,
5:34for lack of a better word, opportunity
5:36that you just, it's a time where for
5:38whatever reason, man looks back and
5:41goes, "What have I done? And now, where
5:43am I going?" And I think my hunch is
5:46that most people go through what they
5:47call a midlife crisis. And if it's hard
5:50for them or not healthy for them, it's
5:52because maybe they're not given enough
5:53credit to what they actually have done
5:55to get there.
5:56>> You know, it's like, oh, no, I did that.
5:57>> Yeah.
5:58>> Done. Next.
6:00>> You know, like we're talking about with
6:01me need more accomplishment. Well, wait
6:02a minute. Sometimes it's all right to go
6:04what what did you do back there that
6:06actually you're still building? What if
6:08we take that to another level? Uh put
6:10another log on that fire.
6:13My goal when I hit the 50s, my my goal
6:16did it came to me was like, hey, you're
6:19an actor, you you you you play a
6:23character in someone else's script that
6:25someone else wrote, directed by someone
6:27else, lensed in a camera from someone
6:30else, and edited by someone else before
6:32your performance is shared. And I love
6:35acting, but I go, there's four filters
6:37of my raw expression before it's getting
6:39to you. We were talking about this
6:40before we got on camera today. You go,
6:42you go on stage, boom, it's direct. This
6:45is pretty direct, but there's still a
6:46filter here.
6:47>> You know what I mean? Writing, there's
6:49still one filter. That's but that's when
6:51I headed into writing is I wanted to get
6:53rid of three of the filters. And that's
6:55when said, "Oh, what if I write the
6:58word? Can I pull off and give someone
7:00translate the human experience where
7:02they people can see themselves through
7:03words?
7:04>> Can I paint a picture of my own
7:07experiences which someone else can go,
7:08"Oh, I've been there. I know what you're
7:11talking about. But that's still a
7:12filter. So the challenge I've been that
7:15that keeps just gnawing at me since I've
7:17turned 50 is like what's your
7:20documentary?
7:22What what are you doing? Are you a
7:26character in life in the big show? The
7:31one there or action was called the day
7:33you were born and cut will be called the
7:36day you die. What what what are you
7:39doing live? Is that worth a show?
7:42>> Is it entertaining? Is it educational?
7:44Is it inspiring?
7:46Is it does it turn you on? Could it turn
7:48other people put people on? What's
7:50happen? That's that's now we're talking
7:52no filters. And so I've started to
7:55question myself, what what's your let's
7:57let's think about do you is there other
8:00avenues for you to live
8:04instead of doing someone else's script?
8:06What's your script? Now, that's led me
8:09to think about different ways of
8:10leadership. It's led me to to write
8:12more. It's also led me to go on the hard
8:17days to give myself a little amnesty and
8:19go, dude, take a little wisdom from Bob
8:23Dylan.
8:25You're all you are what you create
8:27yourself to be.
8:29>> You maybe if you feel more alive acting
8:31in a show through a character, well,
8:33bravo. That's still you. Don't act like
8:36that's not you. You didn't get to your
8:38real self at me. You are still to be the
8:41creation. And it's okay if I'm going to
8:43go play a part. [clears throat]
8:45>> We're all playing a part.
8:48>> Are we playing? If we can get to a part
8:50that is essentially close to the
8:52essentially who we are, bravo for us. If
8:56we can't, we're having trouble doing
8:57that. And if we can play a part that
8:59we're good at and shows a piece and
9:01translates to show a piece of humanity,
9:03turns other people and and us on even
9:05though it may not be corly who we are,
9:06well, bravo for getting away with that
9:08one, too,
9:10>> you know. But play one at a time is
9:14another is another little tip I have to
9:17remind myself cuz the great performers,
9:20whether I think in life or in acting,
9:23you know, they they they can play any
9:25part. They can be any creation, but
9:27they're always one at a time.
9:30>> And that's where some patience has to
9:32come in. That's where a bit of that,
9:33hey, don't rush to accomplish. Just play
9:37one part at a time.
9:39>> But as life gets big and you've got a
9:41career and you got a family, there's
9:42many parts to play.
9:43>> You know, father, husband, performer,
9:46you know, writer, whatever those are.
9:48But as you know with practice those all
9:50that instead of feeling like five
9:52different hats you got to wear one day
9:54you go oh that's all part of the same
9:56story that's all part of the same man I
9:59am.
9:59>> Mhm. So the chapter would be called one
10:02one at a time.
10:03>> The chapter would be called ah I wish it
10:05was called sometimes I think it should
10:07be called one at a time. The long my
10:08long answer to what would the chapter be
10:10would be uh I loved your answer. We've
10:12got a um
10:15I opened up eight lanes to about 12
10:19lanes.
10:21>> When you open up to more lanes and
10:22you've been comfortable on these eight
10:24and you know them well, well, there's a
10:27little growing pains with getting
10:29comfortable in those other new lanes. Um
10:32without disregarding my eight that I've
10:35built that I built that I'm comfortable
10:36in,
10:37>> you know. So I would say
10:39>> four more lanes. Let's call that chap.
10:42It's called Four More Lanes.
10:43>> Four more lanes. Yeah.
10:45>> It's interesting listening to you
10:46because I think you've
10:48highlighted a really interesting human
10:50trait that we all possess where
10:54when we achieve something and it's no
10:56longer useful, we start to denigrate it.
11:01>> And to make sense of humor, the default
11:03emotion when you look back and you're
11:04embarrassed of something you did that
11:05actually got you what you wanted.
11:07>> Mhm.
11:07>> To go, you know,
11:09>> Yeah. to go instead of judging it, at
11:11least start off giggling at it. It helps
11:14with the amnesty. It also helps change a
11:16gear and go, "Oh, the realization of oh,
11:18I wouldn't have I wouldn't have learned
11:20that lesson if I wouldn't have been such
11:22an egotistical prick at the time because
11:24I wouldn't had the confidence to put
11:26myself in the situation to get humbled."
11:27>> Yeah.
11:27>> You know what I mean? You can look at
11:29all the piles of we step in
11:33>> and
11:34they lead to,
11:37you know, the clean the clean water we
11:39get to drink from the from the well down
11:41the line or the truth we figure out. I
11:43mean, it's it's it's, you know, I say
11:45that uh it's a mystery going forward.
11:47It's science looking back,
11:49>> you know,
11:50>> because we can all connect the dots to
11:52exactly where we are right now.
11:55And there's a science to it
11:59even and and that science has to do with
12:02when we face planted and tripped
12:04ourselves and messed up or went about it
12:07the wrong way but maybe got the outcome
12:09we wanted or went about the wrong way
12:11and didn't get the outcome we wanted. I
12:13think that has a lot to do with our and
12:15I don't know do you think this is a
12:16western thing our relationship with
12:19failure? We're embar we in some ways I
12:22wish we were more embarrassed.
12:24[laughter] All right. But in other ways,
12:25I'm like, we have to get a
12:27>> with children, you know, it's like
12:28they're afraid to fail. It's like,
12:30>> no, no, no. If anything, if I look back,
12:32I always answer the question, what would
12:33you do different? I wish I wish I would
12:34have taken more risk and failed more.
12:36>> And I'm still trying to challenge myself
12:37to that
12:38>> today. But we have this relationship
12:40with failure is like an embarrassing
12:41thing to do instead of shaking hands.
12:44No, failure will happen. And if it
12:46doesn't happen, you're probably not
12:47taking enough risks or you're not
12:51getting out of your comfort zone. No
12:53failure is part of the successful path.
12:56It's necessary.
12:57>> You change your language about midlife
12:58crisis to midlife off life opportunity.
13:01>> That language shift
13:04is revolutionary for the mind.
13:07>> It's wild, isn't it? The vernacular, the
13:10prescriptionist definition, or just a
13:12word. I had the word I had I've had the
13:16hardest time for 40 years
13:20dealing with
13:23the word humility.
13:26Come on. Got to be humble, Matthew. You
13:28got to be humble. We got to be more
13:29humble. My shoulders would start to
13:31cave.
13:32>> My head would start to go down. I was
13:35pass I became passive or lo I had the
13:38moment where it was my turn and I I
13:40didn't take the opportunity. I had a
13:43false sense of modesty of no no you you
13:45you go. Or that that person that's that
13:48that that's at the um in front of you at
13:51the stop sign that says no you can go
13:54and now it's your turn to go. No, you
13:55can go. It's like no it's your turn to
13:57go. It's like don't sit there and keep
13:59telling every sing that's a false
14:00modesty. It's like there's they went now
14:03you can go. Don't let them all go
14:05through or I'm going start honking the
14:06horn. You know what I mean? until I
14:09heard
14:11u a definition that was humility is
14:14admitting you have more to learn. And
14:16soon as I heard that, I went, "Oh, oh,
14:19I'm in. I purchase. I my now my my
14:22chin's up, my heart's eye, my shoulders
14:24are back, and I admit I've got a lot
14:26more to learn, but now I've got the
14:28confidence to move forward." And I
14:30didn't get that click. It was just a
14:32definition.
14:34Vulnerability is another word that kind
14:36of has a mingling definition that some
14:39people are hard to take it a you know
14:41sentimentality.
14:43>> It's different between sentiment and
14:45sentimentality.
14:47>> And we all want to be humble but nobody
14:49wants to be humiliated. Well, aren't
14:50they of the same word?
14:52>> It's amazing how a word sometimes and
14:55you don't know what someone else's
14:57definition is. They may have a
14:59completely different definition of that
15:01by how they grew up, what they
15:02experienced, what their parents taught
15:04them, what school, how how that word,
15:06what that gave them in their life when
15:08they thought they were acting that way.
15:10>> Yeah.
15:10>> Or living that way. I'm a big fan of the
15:12word selfish. And I'm still into
15:14redefining this. And my pastor told me,
15:17God, hey, you're pushing a large square
15:19rock up a very steep hill. [laughter]
15:22But, you know, even biblically speaking,
15:23do unto others as you would have them do
15:25unto
15:26>> Yeah.
15:26>> you. Mhm. [clears throat]
15:28Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
15:31That's the self. That seems to me purely
15:35selfish. I believe seems to me that real
15:38religion is extremely selfish. Living in
15:41a way now if we believe that you will
15:45whether it's karma wise in life or
15:47whether it's life after this life that
15:49you will be rewarded later. That
15:51projection that delayed gratification
15:53sacrifices and consequences we make.
15:55Maybe it's one we make now to give our
15:57children a better life two decades from
16:00now. Isn't that the most self? Isn't
16:02that more selfish than doing only for I
16:04at the sake of my neighbor or my loved
16:06ones future? Seems to me that's maybe
16:09I'm using the wrong maybe I'm using the
16:11wrong word I'm told sometimes, but I'm
16:13sticking with it. Um
16:16>> yeah, but you know the the the certainty
16:20>> I like to know. I want to be in the
16:22know. I also want to damn well be in the
16:24know about what I don't know.
16:25>> Yeah. [laughter]
16:27>> And that's part of that humility is what
16:29I mean like I I mean you know they say
16:32don't take yourself serious. No, take
16:33yourself real seriously.
16:35>> Yeah.
16:35>> And also
16:37>> take sense of humor seriously and also
16:40take comedy very seriously.
16:42>> Yeah.
16:42>> Take gals very seriously. They happen.
16:46>> Yeah.
16:46>> You know.
16:47>> Yeah. I loved your you just referenced
16:49it. You were talking about karma. I
16:50loved your redefinition
16:53of how karma works. So in the book you
16:56write [clears throat]
16:57>> when you don't do good to others, it's
17:00guaranteed basically that they won't do
17:01good to you.
17:03>> But if you do good to others,
17:06>> it's not a guarantee that they'll do
17:08good to you, but
17:09>> the universe will respond.
17:10>> Yeah. Can we trust that?
17:12>> Can we trust that unconditionally
17:14for ourselves?
17:17>> Again, that goes back to selfish for me.
17:19for ourselves. Again, the projection, it
17:21seems like delayed gratification, the
17:23thing that we really try to teach our
17:25children is what we still have the most
17:28to learn about as adults. What are the
17:32consequences? Can we believe more in the
17:35consequences of our choices today? Can
17:38we have more trust and belief in
17:44you know that what I the choice I make
17:47today if I make the better choice it's
17:50going to reap rewards on others
17:54including myself down the line
17:57>> but we don't like to think past
18:00now if you're successful
18:04and you're fluent in life you have the
18:05the the luxury of thinking of of
18:08long-term thinking.
18:09>> Yes.
18:09>> Some people in misery, which this would
18:11be fun to talk about. Someone's in
18:13misery. They're in delayed
18:15gratification. My ass. What you talking
18:17about? I'm trying to I'm hoping I'm
18:19trying to get something tonight. I We're
18:21going to wake up tomorrow morning and
18:22put some food on the table.
18:23>> Yeah.
18:24>> Is it a luxurious thing to talk about
18:26delayed gratification? Is it a luxurious
18:29thing to talk about making sacrifices
18:31>> and doing what's well for yourself, but
18:33also well for the most amount of others?
18:35Is that a luxury?
18:37to someone in misery because they sure
18:39as hell have a hard time understanding
18:40and I'm with you going I understand
18:44you want me to talk about it what we can
18:45do peace in the world and you're trying
18:47to pay your rent you going I don't want
18:50to hear about that
18:51>> I'm I've got a household here I got two
18:53bedrooms I got five kids I just got
18:57fired and you want to talk to me about
18:58what the best idea would be for the most
19:00amount of people
19:02>> right here
19:03>> uh you know what I mean I understand
19:05that
19:05>> yes absolutely
19:07I fully agree.
19:08>> And then what do you do about that then?
19:09So you understand it
19:11>> but
19:13>> well I
19:16I try to be humble
19:18>> with it and go you can't just you know
19:23speak trying come across as speaking
19:25from on high. I think you know you talk
19:28about
19:29someone in in a position who's lost or
19:32in pain
19:34again you talk to them about projection
19:36and projecting further in life they're
19:39like what are you talking about but
19:41>> to those people and
19:44when I myself have been there and trying
19:47to and confused and frustrated and don't
19:50have the luxury or the bandwidth to
19:52think that far ahead
19:54>> and try to go what all right so What's
19:56the next
19:59best right decision? What's And you
20:01don't know what that is.
20:02>> Yeah.
20:02>> Well, I don't know. That's the one of
20:04the problems. All right. What do you
20:06>> What are you most faithful to?
20:10>> Do that one.
20:11>> Just one. Let's just go one in a row. We
20:14ain't thinking about And if then No,
20:16let's just just do one in a row. You
20:18[laughter] know what I mean?
20:20>> And just start with one and and and just
20:23>> stop there. I remember being down in uh
20:25after Katrina.
20:27Um we were in Gulf and Mississippi and
20:31um we were on these property where all
20:33these houses were wiped out and we were
20:34on this one place and there was this
20:36lady's house was just a slate of cement
20:39with some rubbage and stuff had been
20:41completely knocked down. And she came
20:43back and she was about 80 years old and
20:45she was still in a night gown and she
20:46sees it saw it for the first time and
20:48she was just like
20:50and we asked her what are you looking
20:52for? She goes, "Well, I I just want to
20:53hope find a picture maybe in a scrapbook
20:56so my grandchildren cuz I don't live
20:58here, but that's that will that will
20:59help me." And and then I was sitting
21:02there talking to her and I was like,
21:03"What are you feeling right now?" She
21:04goes, "I just I just can you tell me
21:08where to put my right foot if I take a
21:11step?"
21:11>> Yeah.
21:12>> I just need
21:14>> Yeah.
21:14>> Is it solid? Is it going to cave? Am I
21:16going to trip? Can you just tell me? I
21:19don't even want to look right now. We
21:20can I trust you to tell me that this if
21:23I step this way, one step,
21:26>> my foot will be solid and flat and I
21:28won't slip and it won't be danger. I
21:29won't step on a piece of glass. I'm not
21:31it's not going to
21:32>> and that's just wanted one step. That's
21:34a person in misery
21:37going
21:38>> just show me one solid step. I don't
21:40want to know what's going on. No, I
21:43don't not not what's happening in an
21:44hour. Not what's happening in 30
21:46minutes. Just give me one solid step.
21:49Yeah,
21:51>> that seems to be a [clears throat]
21:54a place to start for someone in misery.
21:57>> Yeah,
21:58>> that's doesn't have the ability to
22:00project or so confused and you feel it's
22:03got too much coming down on you, too
22:05much pain to think down the down the
22:08line. And then if you do that once,
22:11then you reset and you bring up the same
22:13question. All right, what's the next one
22:15step?
22:16>> If one in a row over and over.
22:18>> Mhm. instead of, "Oh, I'm gonna put a
22:20string together." No. Do one in a row
22:22over and over and look up and maybe you
22:24can go, look at that.
22:25>> Yeah.
22:25>> 10 in a row. We got somewhere. Yeah.
22:28>> But that's easier said than done.
22:30>> What's something that you've observed
22:32about humans that fascinates you, that
22:34surprises you maybe?
22:39>> Um,
22:42one,
22:44our ability to adapt when there's not
22:47another option. Wow, that's a good one.
22:50>> We're elastic, man. We are elastic. More
22:52elastic than I like to practically
22:54think. But boy, when we're put to it,
22:57I'm amazed how quickly we can,
23:00change,
23:02adapt, evolve, come to understand the
23:05other side. When we're put to it, you
23:07give us the option. We we take the out,
23:09man.
23:10>> And we we we argue and we I'm not I
23:13ain't budging.
23:14>> Nuh-uh. You know what I mean?
23:17Um and then on the flip side of that
23:20somewhat is
23:24how we
23:27seem to find
23:30in this pursuit of the ideal.
23:33we seem to almost say well that is our
23:36home that is who we are and then go okay
23:40so there and then we we our practice is
23:43not as evolved as we think it is but we
23:46keep saying and and and I love the we
23:48can get tap into the 11th% of our mind
23:50which we don't tap into we can be
23:52greater we can transcend but practically
23:55every day I think there's some great
23:58wisdom in going we're not as evolved as
24:01we think we are.
24:03Let's quit acting like we are. I love
24:05the pursuit. It's like rehabilitation
24:08and justice. I'm for rehabilitation,
24:11man. I'm I I mean I I love the New
24:13Testament. You know what I mean? At the
24:16same time, we are repeat offending son
24:18of a guns over and over and over. And if
24:22I've done you wrong and you've allowed
24:25me to come to you and ask for
24:27forgiveness, the first order on the
24:29docket should be me. If you choose to
24:32forgive me, the first order on the
24:34docket should be me from now on doing
24:37anything I can to not have to come
24:38apologize to you again.
24:41It's not just that you forgave and gave
24:43me the chance to be forgiven.
24:47I got some sweat equity on my side to
24:50quit doing the actions that cause me to
24:53have you forgive me, to have me
24:54apologize again. And we don't forget, we
24:57seem to not forget that side. I love
25:00Kumbaya. This is the ideal place we can
25:02go. But I feel like we relax and kind of
25:06almost take for granted thinking we're
25:08that evolved. And no, we're not. That's
25:10the constant pursuit. We ain't there.
25:13So, let's deal with the hard math right
25:15here. And one thing we can depend on
25:16people being is people. Nothing we do is
25:19unbelievable. We do stupid all the
25:22time.
25:23We break our own noses because we
25:26tripped ourselves running downhill. We
25:29steal. We're jealous. We covet. We talk
25:32blue and vote red. We talk New Testament
25:35and act old.
25:39We're entrenched in some ideas. Now, go
25:43back to that the first half of of what
25:45surprised me about people u when I was
25:48talking about the adapt the flexibility
25:50of adaptation. I remember I was it was
25:53probably 12 years ago was in Alabama. I
25:57was doing research for a film down there
25:59uh um Free State of Jones and [snorts]
26:01in Mobile, Alabama on the docket that
26:04night, the next morning the vote had
26:05gone through about whether Alabama was
26:07going to allow gay marriage
26:09and I'm sitting in Alabama and I was
26:12like I don't think this is going to pass
26:15deep south Alabama. I mean it sounds
26:17like that's a very progressive idea to
26:19them. Wasn't judging it. I'm just saying
26:21as an anthropologist and sociologist I'm
26:23like the next morning it passed 53% to
26:2647%. I was like, "Wow." I talked to my
26:30friends, a lot of them on the left were
26:32abhorded.
26:34I can't believe that. Those bigots only
26:3853. AND I WAS LIKE, "ONLY 53? I thought
26:41it was going to be 8020 the other way.
26:44That was a massive amount." Me talking
26:46about meeting people where they are.
26:48>> It was a massive flexibility that
26:49surprised me. And that was just 12 years
26:51ago. So, we have to understand where
26:53people have come from. I write about it
26:55in the book about I wish more crimes
26:57were from uh ignorance.
27:00>> And what I mean by that is if I know the
27:03right thing to do and I know the wrong
27:04thing to do and I still do the wrong
27:07crime, shame on me. I knew better. But
27:10there's certain crimes we commit daily
27:12that someone just goes, I I didn't know.
27:16>> Yeah.
27:17>> Okay. Now, let's talk about some real
27:20rehab because you didn't make the wrong
27:22choice. You just didn't know.
27:24>> Yeah.
27:25>> Now talk about some amnesty. Yeah. I've
27:27got to meet you in a different place and
27:29we have to deal with solving the problem
27:30differently than I do with the guy that
27:33knew better and did it anyway.
27:35>> Yeah. Do we expect too much from people?
27:41>> Practically speaking, yes. [laughter]
27:45Yes. I mean we underwhelm
27:50and underserve
27:53and undershow
27:55a lot
27:57but we all have different expectations
28:00of ourselves and and of others. I mean
28:03so again part of that hey just expect it
28:07that old expect the worst the best. I
28:08don't like that. I like actually expect
28:11the absolute best. And when it comes in
28:13under that, you know, shoot for the A,
28:16make a C is better than shoot for C,
28:17make an F. When you how quickly when you
28:20dealt with reality, go, okay, well,
28:21that's a hell of a lot better outcome
28:23and I got more out of you and you got
28:25more out of me than we would have if
28:26we'd had come in going like, let's just
28:28make a C.
28:29>> You know what I mean? We maybe, you know
28:31what I mean? We we went for the
28:33perfection and we came in under it, but
28:35it was still pretty dog on good. Well
28:37done. That's where I'm I call it an
28:40overshow theory.
28:42>> How do you deal with when someone
28:44disappoints you based on your
28:46expectation?
28:48[sighs and snorts]
28:50>> Um
28:52I'm quicker to
28:56say, "Yep,
28:58that was reality. That's what they're
29:00able to do." Whether it's forgiveness or
29:02amnesty or whatever you want to call
29:04with so others than I am for myself.
29:06It's plain.
29:08>> I expect perfection from myself a lot
29:12and
29:14I don't reach it
29:16and I know I can or I believe I can.
29:20That's a better word. I believe I can.
29:22And I don't want to quit believing I
29:23can. That's sort of where I find myself
29:26in approaching life. Keep going for
29:30perfection. Keep finding that reality
29:32comes in under that and you will have
29:35climbed more stairs. If we're going to
29:37have a vertical by the end, you will
29:39have had more quality. Your roots will
29:41have been deeper and wider inside and
29:43out vertically
29:45and to the south than if you didn't
29:48chase that perfection. The challenge for
29:50me is
29:52when reality comes in and it's served
29:54and the bell's rung and there's no more
29:56time to take the test. When you see that
29:58you didn't make a 100red and you made an
30:0088, how quickly can you go instead of
30:03going, "Oh, [gasps] dude," or how
30:07quickly can you go,
30:09"All right, 88,
30:12not bad."
30:14>> Yeah. So again that pursuit of an ideal
30:18>> plus the practical what's the next
30:20>> step solid step
30:22>> and
30:24I I work to become uh I work to try and
30:27remain as much as I can
30:30>> to feel satisfaction in that reality.
30:33But that's the hard part is how quickly
30:35can you go from like I've never I say
30:37this all the time and I don't like it to
30:38be misconstrued. I've never made a film
30:41that lived up to my expectations. I've
30:43never given a performance that lived up
30:45to my expectations.
30:48I've done films that I think
30:51it's a lot better than I could have
30:52done. And I'm not saying, "Oh, I should
30:53have direct." I'm saying that was a it's
30:56awesome. That's a really great piece of
30:59art. Not just transcendent. It didn't
31:03change the the world or tap into a piece
31:06of humanity that enlightened myself and
31:09everyone else on a unanimous level.
31:13>> That's what I'm going for. But I had
31:17never done it. So
31:20why and again I've worked and people
31:24have made films I think are are
31:26outstanding and better than they would
31:29have been if I would have been the
31:30director for sure. But that's part of I
31:33think maybe why when I do do good work
31:37or make good creations or good art. I
31:39think that was part of it that I was
31:40going for
31:43>> the infinite
31:46pure spot in space that was immaculate.
31:49>> Yeah.
31:50>> Believing I could achieve perfection but
31:52knowing I couldn't.
31:53>> But I still like to believe.
31:55>> I mean my my my favorite word in the
31:57world is unanimous.
32:00>> What?
32:04>> I mean unanimous. We don't have as many
32:05black and whites today, man. Maybe it's
32:07something unanimous that we can all
32:09agree on. Maybe it's a a value. Maybe
32:12it's a it's it's a way of making a
32:14living. Maybe it's a piece of art. Just
32:16unanimously go, "No, [snorts] that's
32:18just that's great. It's a one of one."
32:22>> But
32:24you seek unanimous
32:26Sammy Davis Jr. I don't know what
32:28success is. I know what failure is.
32:29That's trying to please everybody, you
32:31know? I mean, you seek, you ain't going
32:32to get it.
32:33>> There's no way. But
32:35>> you still believe it.
32:35>> Come on. still to keep believing it. I
32:38don't know. I feel like it keeps me in
32:39the chase. It keeps me in the race.
32:41>> So on your ranking score, where is
32:43Interstellar of your performance? Where
32:45do you go in Interstellar? Where is it?
32:47Yeah. Where are you? Like your
32:48performance like that's not to us it's
32:50perfect.
32:50>> Uh
32:51>> to you it's not so what what is the No.
32:54No. I think it's I think it's very good
32:56and I and I think the movie is really
32:58good. I think I think the character is
32:59really good. I think my performance is
33:01really good. Um, I have appreciation for
33:03it and I know if I'm boing or if I'm
33:07birdie and I know when I'm like I've
33:08seen myself on screen, you kind of
33:10bullshitting them kind of and then I've
33:11seen I'm like bam. Okay.
33:13>> What validation do you pursue?
33:17>> My
33:19wives,
33:21my children.
33:24Um, I have a council in the sky. Three
33:28people that were extremely important to
33:29me in my life. my dad,
33:33Penny Allen and John Cheney.
33:37And I
33:39see them, wink at them, talk with them,
33:41listen to them, seeing run ideas by
33:44them, run decisions by them, and then I
33:48look up and see what their reaction is.
33:49And and and and I it's been a very
33:52trusted counsel for me. Um, it's sort of
33:55my way to give people practical people,
33:58physical bodies and souls that are no
34:01longer with us here on earth physically
34:04to put them in a heaven sense and it's a
34:06connection. They're they're a conduit
34:08from God to me
34:09>> and I have no expectations of them. And
34:12sometimes when I'm so excited like isn't
34:14this great? I look up and they're not
34:16dancing. I'm like, why aren't you
34:18dancing? Got other times
34:21where two of them will be dancing and
34:24one of them isn't and I have to go
34:26through, oh why is that something they
34:29don't understand or are they the
34:31underdog and I need to be listening to
34:32them because that's why they're going
34:35you know better than that. I I don't
34:36agree with that. Um and then sometimes
34:41all three of them are you know my dad's
34:43got a you know dancing in his underwear
34:45with a Miller light and a piece of lemon
34:47mering pie.
34:49and Penny's up on a chair screaming out
34:52loud and buddy John Cheney just leaning
34:55back and his old cotton yellow shorts as
34:57he do with his shoulders back going
35:01there you go b yeah yeah so I think
35:05their validation and that's a conduit to
35:07a practical conduit in my imagination
35:09because I don't have a picture in my
35:11mind of God um and I don't I I don't I
35:14don't think we can or should I think
35:17that minimalizes
35:18Um, you know, we have pictures of of
35:21physical beings that have walked the
35:23earth that we can call prophets and
35:24stuff, but of God, I don't have a
35:26picture. I don't think it's a an it. I
35:29don't think it's a Mr. or Mrs. or
35:31anything like that. Um,
35:34so,
35:36and then I mean, look,
35:39inherently that all brings me back to
35:40seeking my own
35:42>> my own validation. Um, you know, I try
35:46to
35:47measure how I counsel and referee myself
35:50off of some of the people I just brought
35:52up to you.
35:52>> Mhm.
35:53>> So, that's where I pretty well stick.
35:54That's where I pretty I I don't I don't
35:56really look outside that that much
35:58further outside my circumference
36:00>> just because
36:03I can't it's it's too fickle.
36:05>> Yeah. Yeah.
36:05>> It's too I can't really I don't have a
36:08trust. Again, that goes that Sammy Davis
36:10Jr. You trying to look around and go,
36:12does everyone approve? Yeah.
36:14>> Uh it's going to be it's going to going
36:17to be lonely and hard and
36:20>> not necessarily the best for you. You
36:22know what I mean? And I know I've pulled
36:24some things off my life where I
36:27>> you know people thought I changed and
36:29made it, wow, what a recreation. I'm
36:31like I'm doing the same thing. You just
36:34put it in bold print now. I was doing
36:37the same thing 15 years ago. You know
36:39what I mean? So sometimes we change by
36:40saying the same and then other times
36:43>> again as we talked about in the
36:44beginning of the conversation you give
36:46yourself time to daydream. You pick out
36:48a new tact about how to maybe go about
36:50something, a new way of uncovering
36:51something, a new way of solving
36:53something, a new way of finding
36:54satisfaction in a situation, a new way
36:56of dealing with a crisis, a new way of u
36:59dealing with success. you know, looking
37:02at it from a different point of view
37:04just to have another some almost ammo
37:08arrow in the quiver and how in this hunt
37:11his life.
37:12>> How does someone like you who built
37:15their career on control
37:17grasp the concept of trust?
37:20>> I'm a trust first guy.
37:23I come here today whether we had never
37:27talked before. I have I have nothing in
37:30my head going into anyone's situation.
37:33Wonder if they're trying to get me. Oh,
37:34is he going to ask a tricky question?
37:36Oh, is he trying to play a guy? I don't
37:38Uh-uh. Because that'll hang me up. I
37:40won't be able to freely think and go.
37:43Now, at the same time, have I been doing
37:46this long enough where before I'm about
37:48to say something or as I'm saying it, I
37:50can go, "Oh, if you don't finish this
37:51sentence right, that's going to be a
37:53headline in a rag bag or something." You
37:55know what I mean? You know what I mean?
37:56Oh, that's not going to be the headline
37:57you want.
37:58>> I'm conscious enough of that.
38:00>> But I'm a trust first guy and I've been
38:02and I've been burned and I'm like,
38:07I'll I'll make that bet again because I
38:09know that I put that that if I put more
38:14trust on Howdy, it's going to do
38:16something to you
38:18where maybe you aren't the most
38:20trustworthy. I've seen people become
38:22more trustworthy. seen people give more
38:24because they go, "Oh, this guy's given
38:26me a massive amount of he just empowered
38:28me, dude."
38:28>> Yeah. Yeah.
38:29>> He just gave me, he saw a dignity in me
38:31that I didn't see.
38:33>> He's given me a license, a privilege,
38:35some haul to go, "Oh, okay."
38:38>> And I believe in that. And I I've see
38:40that in people and it's rid of that, you
38:42know, may what we give from our soul get
38:44a like response from others. I believe
38:45in that reciprocity. So, I'm a trust
38:48first guy. I don't [clears throat] the
38:51residuals for going through life without
38:52trust.
38:54[snorts] Oh that sucks.
38:56>> Yeah.
38:57>> I mean, I also, you know, I trust myself
39:01more now than maybe I used to. And I
39:04think that's just come from growth and
39:06evolution and and and you know, I used
39:08to always be a guy who and I'm still a
39:11guy who I don't like drawers. I like my
39:13stuff laid out. Mhm.
39:15>> I want to see it cuz if it's in the
39:17drawer, I'll forget I even needed it. I
39:19want to see it. I was always a guy who's
39:21like, if I'm going to come in this room,
39:24I'll make sure that my keys to the keys
39:26to my the door in the other room on the
39:28kitchen table, leave that door cracked.
39:32I'm have more confidence now to go, you
39:34can shut the door. I know where I left
39:35the keys. I don't have to look over my
39:36shoulder again.
39:38>> I had this spiritually when I went to
39:40True Detective. I was in a really strong
39:43spiritual place and that character, my
39:46relationship with God at that time was
39:48really strong. That character when some
39:51philosophical nihilism and things that
39:53are like
39:55away from
39:56faith, I was able to go, I'm locking in
40:02and not looking back for five months.
40:05>> Wow. And I don't need to look over my
40:07shoulder because I know when I come out
40:08of this,
40:10my relationship's good back there. I
40:13don't need to peek over my shoulder to
40:14make sure I don't have a I have the
40:17trust.
40:18>> Earlier and many other times in my life,
40:20I wouldn't have had the trust to go that
40:22far cuz I'm like, hang, is this okay? Am
40:24I about to get struck by lightning here?
40:26Is this blasphemous? You know what I
40:28mean? Are we good?
40:30>> You know, okay, I I'm just acting.
40:33>> You know what I mean? So I I had a great
40:35amount of trust. I'm strong spiritually
40:37then to go and when I'm feel stronger
40:40spiritually is that you know the
40:42foundation's strong we can jump higher.
40:45We can go further. We can not look over
40:47our back as much and trust and then you
40:50know and we travel and trust in
40:53relationships and and away from the
40:55kids. I'm away from the kids right now.
40:56It's been a week. Okay. But we check in.
40:58Yeah. Does FaceTime help the trust?
41:00Yeah. Because you get to just more than
41:01just a phone call. The idea of the very
41:05simple natural ideas of going, "Hey,
41:08it's 10:00. We're on the phone. I'm on
41:11one side of the world, you're on the
41:12other, but we're both under the same
41:14moon. We're both under the same sun.
41:18Sun you're under right now just hadn't
41:20got to me yet, but it'll be the same
41:21one. And the moon that I'm under right
41:24now just [clears throat] hadn't got to
41:24you, but it's it's coming. There's a
41:27>> again that time. Now we're getting into
41:29the cyclical time you talk about and not
41:31the linear where we feel like oh I'm
41:33losing
41:35>> a day
41:35>> no it's coming around it it's it's all
41:38balance there's a trust I get
41:41>> from that
41:42>> and then another trust I get is if I'm
41:46you know it's in between that it's it it
41:50all it means everything means everything
41:54and nothing matters at all.
41:56>> Yeah.
41:57>> In between there. Yeah. How do you Yeah.
41:58That like I love that there. So, how do
42:00we live like that?
42:01>> So, again, trust. If I'm going to go to
42:03the fatalist side of uh uh um what I do
42:07doesn't matter.
42:09Doesn't matter. I'm going to die, dude.
42:10What's the matter?
42:12I used to not have the trust to go, "Oh,
42:15but I'm going to still do every bit of
42:17the work to make sure."
42:19>> And that I'm put my hands on the wheel.
42:21>> Mhm.
42:21>> Right. So, to go, oh, it doesn't matter.
42:24It's what I'll tell myself if I'm
42:26nervous. So, I'm going to go give a
42:27speech or something. I'm prepared.
42:29I busted my tail and broke the sweat to
42:31get prepared. I'm full. Now, if I trust
42:33that and I know I did that. Now, I need
42:36to tell myself, "Dude, this doesn't
42:38matter."
42:38>> Yeah.
42:39>> You're going to die. What does the hell
42:41does this matter? Cuz I know I'm not
42:43going to go be lazy and then prepared
42:46and f off.
42:48So now that I trust that I will that I'm
42:51prepared and I take it very seriously.
42:53Now I come to the I like to end it with
42:55a well now. [laughter]
42:57>> Yeah.
42:58>> None of this matters
42:59>> to relax. If I go, you know, too much
43:02the other side.
43:03>> I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm tight. I'm
43:06trying I'm trying too hard. I'm not I'm
43:07not giving myself the freedom to to
43:09listen and and and and riff and take
43:11somebody's answer and go with it. You
43:14know what I mean? So
43:15>> that's that's how I try to balance the
43:17two. Yeah.
43:18>> But that took but I didn't
43:22have and with some of us in life if you
43:25tell them dude none of it matters. It's
43:26all fate. It's all going to it's all
43:28just going to happen. It's going to
43:29happen. People just f off.
43:31>> Yeah.
43:31>> And go like well it doesn't matter how I
43:33treat you or treat me. And you're like
43:36no it does. But can you trust that
43:39you're not going to be a tyrant when you
43:40let yourself off?
43:41>> Yes.
43:42>> You know what I mean?
43:43>> Yeah. Yeah. Well said. Well said.
43:45that that balancing act in everything
43:47we're talking about everything we just
43:49keep coming back to that like
43:51>> to be able to believe that what I'm
43:53about to do is important and then have
43:55the ability to embrace my own
43:57insignificance
43:58>> at the same time is is beautiful like
44:01>> there's a quote I always remember
44:02hearing as a kid is like you're just a
44:04you're you're you're this the smallest
44:06grain of sand in the palm of God and for
44:10whatever reason
44:13very early on in my childhood when I
44:15heard that that felt power from that. I
44:18didn't feel small. I felt like wow, how
44:21cool, how awesome. Yeah. And in that is
44:26the idea of like it all means something
44:29and none of it matters at all.
44:30>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
44:31>> But it's very easy to look think that
44:33that analogy and go, "Oh, well, so I
44:36don't matter."
44:38No.
44:41But can that grain of sand in the palm
44:44make you go, "Oh, no. I matter more than
44:47I thought."
44:48>> Yeah. And and it's both.
44:50>> Yeah.
44:50>> And it's both. And it's Yeah. I remember
44:52we were on a beach in South India. I was
44:54with my my monk teacher and we were on a
44:56walk and it was a
44:57>> bunch of young monks with my teacher and
44:59it's a big fishing town. So South India
45:02is very known for being a fishing
45:04community. And there'd be loads of fish
45:06nets with full of fishes. And then
45:07there'd be the few that had fallen out
45:09on the on the beach as we were walking.
45:11And whenever we'd walk past one, my
45:12teacher would pick it up and put it back
45:14in the water. It was still, you know, uh
45:16tossing up and down on the on the beach.
45:18And we were just looking at the whole
45:19beach in front of us. And there were
45:20like hundreds maybe, I don't know, maybe
45:23thousands of fish that had fallen out of
45:25the nets that won't go to be cooked in a
45:28restaurant, but won't make it back to
45:29the ocean and probably die in between.
45:31And he was just every time we'd walk
45:33past he'd pick one and we'd be like we
45:35said to him we were like we're not going
45:37to be here all day and there's no chance
45:38we're going to get to all of these and
45:40and he was like yeah but to that one
45:42fish that's their whole life
45:44>> like you know so to you it's like we're
45:46not going to get to 400
45:48>> because you it's and so it's both. It's
45:50like our our work is insignificant,
45:53>> but it's significant.
45:54>> And and then that goes back to that that
45:56that we can get paralyzed.
45:59>> You know, the the think globally, act
46:01locally is another term of, you know, I
46:02mean, you get paralyzed think but I
46:04can't. It's too much to intermount. No,
46:06just do the do one in a row.
46:07>> Yeah. One at a time. One step.
46:08>> Just one one at a time. And you know,
46:11the sun sets and you had to be home by
46:13dark and there's still some fishes
46:14flipping. Well, get on home and you
46:17didn't get them all, but you got you
46:18were in the asset se. Sometimes that I
46:21think is is how I deal with
46:24maybe letting myself off trying to
46:26figure out a proper balance of
46:28forgiveness and saying, "No, the buck
46:30stops here."
46:31>> You know, some things I'm like, man, I'm
46:33not I don't feel like I'm this is magic
46:35or this is absolutely beautiful or this
46:38is absolutely true. I'll go, okay,
46:40not everything in life's going to be
46:42that, but are we in the asset section?
46:44Are we in the black, so to speak? Is is
46:46is the thing you're doing
46:49>> uh uh uh on on a proton, not [laughter]
46:52not an electron? Is it? Yeah, it is.
46:56Does it not harm? You know, sometimes,
46:58>> you know, I mean, I do this in work.
46:59Some scenes are magic. They come to
47:01life. You just know. Some scenes you get
47:03in, you're like, "Dude, I'm just
47:05connecting the dots. [laughter]
47:07Let's just get out of here without, you
47:08know, I don't have a great truth to
47:10tell. Let me just get out of here
47:11without telling a lie."
47:13>> Yeah. Uh sometimes I have to let myself
47:16off and go not everything's going to be
47:19a wow magical truth.
47:23Sometimes it's just till the soil and
47:26don't tell the lie. Don't don't trip
47:28yourself. Don't hit the ball out of
47:29bounds.
47:30>> Yeah.
47:31>> Take one in it's in the rough. Yeah. You
47:32didn't out of bounds. You're still
47:33you're still playing. Stay in the Just
47:35stay in the game on the upside. You know
47:37what I mean? Sometimes it's just that. I
47:40remember I had an acting teacher. I did
47:41a performance one time and I was real
47:43happy with it. She came back, she was
47:44like, "Not bad, but every single scene
47:47it's like you're trying to hit a grand
47:48slam." Matthew, sometimes you need a
47:50single. Sometimes you need to take a
47:53ball that was not in the strike zone.
47:55Sometimes you need to lay down a bunt.
47:57Sometimes you need I was like, "Oh,
47:59that's right. Not everything's a grand
48:01slam. It's not every single thing
48:03matters. If we think you know it's like
48:06if we think every single thing is
48:08significant
48:10and everything matters we'll be nothing
48:13will have significance.
48:15>> Yeah.
48:16>> We'll be paralyzed by minutia and
48:18details
48:20>> and stats
48:21>> that will there will be no baseline to
48:23any of it. There will be no song. It'll
48:24all be notes.
48:25>> What do you feel is the biggest mistake
48:28we make about love?
48:31biggest mistake we make about love.
48:36Groovy, groovy question. Thank you. And
48:39she's back there probably listening
48:41right now going, I can't wait to hear
48:42this answer. [laughter]
48:44I think one of the biggest mistakes that
48:45I think I know I could make is taking it
48:48for granted.
48:50>> Again, it's on the same topic we've been
48:52on. You vow to love each other in say a
48:56marriage for instance, and it's through
48:57sickness and health until the death. and
48:59I love you. My love's not in question.
49:02That doesn't mean it doesn't take
49:03maintenance
49:04to take it for granted that oh that's
49:08we're fine. I take it for granted that
49:10oh we got you know we got the kids the
49:12family it's all great to take that for
49:16granted sometimes and not do the
49:19maintenance
49:21which
49:23shouldn't feel like work but is it's
49:25it's it's conscious. It's it's it can
49:27take work. It can be a thought and a
49:29choice you make to go.
49:32That little thing I'm making my tea.
49:35She's not up.
49:37I really want to get to that puzzle for
49:39those eight pieces.
49:43Want to make her one. Put it in a Yeti
49:45and have it covered so when she gets up
49:47it's ready. A little a little thoughtful
49:49a little thoughtful thing like that. Was
49:52that work? No.
49:55Does that delay gratification for the
49:58relationship? Yes. You know, that's
50:01gonna, you know, that that that that'd
50:04be a nice thing to do for them.
50:06>> If I don't do it, it's not going to be
50:07missed
50:09>> as a as a small example. Yeah. I think
50:11another one with love and you and I
50:14touched on it I think before cameras
50:16were recording is the idea that
50:21you find the one and that's the one and
50:24and and and and wow I make the male
50:29makes them Wonder Woman and they think
50:32we're Superman.
50:34Oh
50:36Don't do that to me and don't let me do
50:39that to you.
50:41I can't live up to that.
50:44>> You can't live up to that. Back to
50:47unanimous and seek and perfection.
50:49That's a tough nut to handle when you're
50:51like project that on someone that's
50:54unfair to project onto them and they
50:57project it on you and neither one of you
50:59can live up to it. It's the idea of the
51:01and I and and and and this is not a
51:03popular statement [laughter] with my
51:05wife, but I think it's for me it's true
51:08and I hope maybe maybe I'm too practical
51:12about love. Maybe I'm not romantic
51:14enough about it, but I don't see how the
51:17honeymoon period lasts forever.
51:22I just the honeymoon
51:25is all on the hope, the possible. We
51:28don't know each other as well as we're
51:29going to know each other. It's before we
51:31get married and we make the
51:32consecration, the covenant of marriage.
51:34And now we're getting into some real
51:36stuff and we got real pains and real
51:39pleasures and real responsibilities and
51:41real fatigue and real winds together and
51:46we're building. We've expanded and got a
51:48family and oh man, we're bonfire. But
51:50that's harder and it's not honeymoon's
51:54only in the
51:56the the perfection stage. It's only in
51:59the up in the air. W the the the the
52:02youth of it, the beginning, the
52:03springtime, the fresh bud. And I love
52:05it. But it's if you try to hold on to
52:08that 100 watt bulb to be the light all
52:12the time, you're Wonder Woman. I'm
52:14Superman.
52:16It seems to me humanly impractical to
52:18live up to it and unfair to each other.
52:21>> There's a preacher down in San Diego, my
52:23buddy Mark Norby turned me on to, I'm
52:24forgetting his name, but he talks about
52:27No, no, [clears throat] love's more like
52:28a It's a 30 W bulb. D the light a little
52:33bit. It'll [snorts] last longer. It'll
52:35illuminate longer. Not as bright, but
52:37it'll last longer. And it's more
52:39realistic for you and her.
52:42>> It's more human. And it's still love
52:45late. This always stuck with me as a as
52:48>> I've never heard that. Yeah.
52:50>> You know,
52:50>> it is true. Which honeymoon period lasts
52:53as it is? And things can go deeper and
52:57be more powerful and be more profound,
52:59but not be the same. And that if you
53:03just dated someone new for 3 to 6 months
53:06every year, you'd experience diamond
53:08period every year for the rest of your
53:09life.
53:09>> Diamond Peter Pan. The honeymoon fresh
53:12transient. It was all brand new, but it
53:15didn't have all four seasons. You didn't
53:16get into act two where the conflict
53:18comes where somebody's getting sick.
53:20>> Yeah.
53:21>> Where you didn't get to act three
53:24>> where you got to land the plane and
53:26figure it out and come down and
53:29be on your deathbed going, "Love you,
53:32too."
53:32>> Yeah.
53:33>> Hey, we did we did all right. You know
53:35what I mean? M
53:36>> I I always it's a I'd always in my
53:40younger years I'm like what what do you
53:42think if there's a God and you see him
53:44what do you what do you do you think
53:45he's going to say to you I was always
53:46like
53:48I think he's going to say thank you
53:49[laughter]
53:50this hit me five years ago five years
53:52ago I was like no that's a bit arrogant
53:57there pot what he's probably going to
53:59say immediately he's going to say you're
54:00welcome
54:03>> in That
54:07is a
54:10a way I'm seeing life more
54:14>> now and to some extent have before but
54:17in that there is an inherent sort of
54:18what are we doing you know is life long
54:21is it short is it hard is it easy I
54:24don't know it's hard some ways it's
54:27really long it's really short
54:31easy sometimes But
54:39yeah, you're welcome.
54:43And I can say thank you. Yeah,
54:46but I've got a Yeah, we've talked about
54:48I'm happy to I'm happy to and I'm not
54:52going to shy away from with still being
54:54sensitive to people, musicians that are
54:56like easy for you to say, MC
54:59saying you're welcome to me. You know
55:00what I I'm not living a life of God. I I
55:03I I want to be open and understand that.
55:05At the same time, I'm very happy and
55:07leveleyed with with saying and believing
55:09that um and having
55:13a life where if I meet God, he she it's
55:17going to go. You're welcome.
55:23And that
55:25lays into that. I wrote it in green
55:27lights, but I do have a hunch that the
55:29world's conspiring
55:32to make me happy.
55:35And again, I may be off my rocker. I may
55:37be that may be a a conspiracy theory for
55:41the upside. I may be delusionally
55:43optimistic. And I I don't care. I I I
55:46actually believe it. It's the trust
55:48first thing.
55:49>> I actually believe it. And I believe I'm
55:53a part of a lot of other people's army
55:55that are there conspiring to make them
55:57happy. And I believe that I've got a lot
55:59army that are going
56:02not consciously just I look I believe I
56:06I know I got a lot of people in my life
56:07that believe know that if I'm around I'm
56:10looking out for them and I have their
56:11best interest in mind whether they know
56:13it or not consciously. And I know I have
56:16a lot of people in life, some I know, a
56:19lot I know, a lot I don't that are like
56:22looking out for you, MCA.
56:24And I'm rightfully thankful for that.
56:26But I believe that and it is I know it's
56:28true.
56:28>> Do you think we can all build that
56:31belief?
56:33>> Yes, I do think we can build that belief
56:36>> that everything's conspiring.
56:37>> I don't think we can rely on that
56:38belief. I do think we can build that
56:40belief. I do think that
56:45I'm raising, you know, kiddos, we're
56:48going to ACL, kiddos. We're going in
56:51backstage.
56:52Come on. Me and your mom are here. Pass
56:55the security guard. Let us in.
56:58Did y'all say thank you? Yeah, we did.
57:01Or no. Well, go say thank you. Why? I
57:04don't know. Let's think selfishly, bud.
57:0610 years from now when you're at the
57:08concert and your mom and dad ain't here
57:12who got you in backstage to to the front
57:15of the line and you're 20 people back in
57:18the line and they're saying no more.
57:20That's it.
57:21There's chance that security guard may
57:23look down there and go, "Hey, Levi, come
57:25on up. Come on in." Because you said
57:28thank you. I'm not saying be that way
57:31for like, "Oh, then I can get more I'll
57:33get more privileges." I'm just saying
57:37where you go, how you interact with
57:38people at whatever height in the back
57:42kitchen to the back door to the alley to
57:44the homeless to the billionaire to the
57:48pres how you interact with people it's
57:50re it it re it you're slowly building
57:54an army. I I had this I tell this
57:57example and uh
57:59I was coming home about two years ago
58:03two-lane highway and it was all parked
58:07just going kind of a traffic jam was
58:08taking we just moving 5 miles an hour
58:10stop 5 miles an hour stop and there was
58:12a lady in a in a car here and we just
58:14moved into this new home lady in a car
58:16here and everyone's like you know get
58:18forward as quick as possible and she was
58:20waiting to get into the turnlight and so
58:21like I was like we're not going anywhere
58:22I slowed down let her in
58:2515 minutes it takes to get home. I'm
58:27noticing I'm right behind this lady. As
58:29I approach my house, she pulls in the
58:31driveway to the first driveway before I
58:33get to my house. I pull in my house. I
58:34get out of my car. It's my neighbor. I
58:37didn't know it was my neighbor. But I'm
58:39like,
58:41>> I got somebody inherently watching over
58:42my house when I'm not here from now
58:44because I let her in.
58:45>> Yeah.
58:46>> Back there.
58:47>> Yeah.
58:47>> And she goes, "Thank you for letting me
58:49in back there." I remember that. Did I
58:52do that because
58:55I'm hoping I can get a neighbor and part
58:56of an army that can keep an eye out for
58:58me. No.
59:00>> Did I get
59:02an army? Someone on my side.
59:04>> Yeah.
59:04>> Yeah. So, what do we Yeah. What do we
59:06notice? What are we aware of? What do we
59:08give credit to?
59:10I think that's part of the athleticism
59:13of life because
59:17that doesn't mean I'm not skeptical.
59:19>> Correct.
59:20>> It does mean I'm not cynical.
59:23It doesn't mean I'm not clever and wise
59:26and
59:28letting my home be just pillaged and
59:32I got a lot to protect and I'm
59:34protected. It doesn't mean I'm foolish
59:37with myself or with my things and my
59:39life and the family and things I've
59:40built. But yeah, what do I what do what
59:43what do we notice? What do we give
59:44credit to
59:47and go, "Oh, let's tin that garden.
59:50Let's multiply that. Let's get some
59:53compound interest on that ROI. Let's
59:57make that epidemic.
1:00:00Not the disease, not the wreck, not the
1:00:03harm. I want I talk about it in points
1:00:05of prayers. Make the positives plural.
1:00:09>> Yeah.
1:00:09>> And the negative singular.
1:00:11>> Yes.
1:00:11>> And don't talk about the negatives.
1:00:13>> Amen. Yeah.
1:00:13>> In the present tense. If they happened,
1:00:17talk about them in the past tense. you
1:00:18stop their path to prophecy. That's the
1:00:21noticing thing. And that doesn't mean
1:00:24don't Oh, no. I don't see the negatives.
1:00:26No, no, no. That's childhood. Hey,
1:00:28Hallmark card. Dream it. You can do it.
1:00:32Positive thinking.
1:00:35Uhuh. Yeah. See how far that gets you.
1:00:38You know what I mean? You'll be done
1:00:39unto. And you know, so we go from
1:00:42innocence to naive to skepticism. And
1:00:46then if we can hold off there from going
1:00:48off the ledge into that fourth one which
1:00:50is a disease
1:00:52cynicism. M
1:00:54>> I'm all for skepticism
1:00:56and noticing the negative, seeing the
1:01:00harm, noticing the disease,
1:01:03but sure like to spend time and notice
1:01:06more and compound the interest on the
1:01:08prevention of those cures or the
1:01:11multiplied factor of the good things
1:01:14that are conspiring to work for us and
1:01:16are just like there we go that works not
1:01:18only for me for you too.
1:01:19>> Mhm.
1:01:21>> Make those epidemic again. I love flip
1:01:23flip flip. The word epidemic is always
1:01:25used. It's just something like oh no.
1:01:26>> Yeah.
1:01:27>> It's like consequence.
1:01:28>> We all go con Oh, not not the
1:01:30consequence. Like no, get consequences
1:01:32with everything. [laughter]
1:01:33>> And the positive side, the pleasure side
1:01:35of consequence is just as valuable as
1:01:37the negative. You got to, you know,
1:01:39>> epidemic selfish consequences.
1:01:41[laughter]
1:01:41>> Those are the three that that you're
1:01:43going to fight for. Question number one,
1:01:47>> what do you believe makes a good dad?
1:01:50M
1:01:56time
1:01:58being there.
1:02:00You know, I say this is
1:02:04that's what makes a good father.
1:02:08You know, we're sometimes we're under
1:02:10the illusion that if we make the baby,
1:02:14we're the father.
1:02:17No, you're not.
1:02:19You may be the the daddy papa, but it
1:02:22takes time to be
1:02:24a father,
1:02:28to be there for your children,
1:02:31to balance
1:02:36sharing with them what you already know
1:02:39so they can learn a little quicker and
1:02:41hold them back and letting them fall
1:02:43from that tree limb and bruise their arm
1:02:46on their own because that's how they'll
1:02:47remember Because even though you knew
1:02:50sometimes there's certain heights I call
1:02:52it like tree limbs there certain kids go
1:02:54out on limbs
1:02:56and if we brush every limb they go out
1:02:59on I mean they're on the limb and
1:03:01they're they're they're 5 years old and
1:03:02it's it's 5 feet above the soft St.
1:03:06Augustine grass. If we rush over there
1:03:08and go get down get they No no no no no
1:03:11no. You're going to you're going to
1:03:13stunt their growth and their they have
1:03:15fear of heights. Kids don't aren't
1:03:17aren't scared of heights until they die.
1:03:18Until they fall, right? Let them go out
1:03:20there. That's a safe fall. May get a
1:03:22bruise. Now, there's certain ones if
1:03:24they're 60 feet up
1:03:28and it's a concrete, you might want to
1:03:29go, "Hey, bud. I was thinking come just
1:03:32take your time and come on over here to
1:03:33the trunk and shimmy on that." Maybe get
1:03:35a help get them down from that. But
1:03:37certain limbs, let them get on the end
1:03:38of it to let them let them fall. Let
1:03:40them let them get bruised. Let them
1:03:42They'll remember that from experience.
1:03:43And so, yeah,
1:03:44>> I like it. Uh, question number two. What
1:03:47does it mean to be a real man?
1:03:50>> To be a real man? Well, you know,
1:03:54staying on the fatherhood thing, and
1:03:56this is not just the the only
1:03:57definition, but I'll piggyback off the
1:03:59last question. The only thing I ever
1:04:01knew in life I wanted to be was a
1:04:03father. And it is because I remember
1:04:06when I was 8 years old, my dad was a big
1:04:08yes sir and no sir, man. So, he would
1:04:09introduce me to his friends, right? And
1:04:11I would always as 8y olds looking up
1:04:13from four, five, six, seven, eight years
1:04:15old shake their hand. Yes, sir. Nice to
1:04:16meet you, sir. And what hit me at 8
1:04:18years old was that all of those men
1:04:21whose hands I shake and called them sir,
1:04:23they were dads. They were fathers. And
1:04:25in my 8-year-old mind, I went, "Oh,
1:04:28that's how you make it. That's success."
1:04:33Become a father.
1:04:35That's how you become a man.
1:04:39That's how you become a king.
1:04:43So
1:04:45that's not answer across the board, but
1:04:47that's gonna be my answer.
1:04:48>> Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Uh and I I'll
1:04:51only do three because of time. Um last
1:04:53one. What does it mean to be a good
1:04:56friend?
1:04:59>> Yeah.
1:05:01Yeah. A good friend
1:05:05reminds their friend
1:05:09of the the best in themselves,
1:05:12the truth in themselves.
1:05:16Whether it's
1:05:19there to say, "Yeah, just like that when
1:05:22they are the most themselves or whether
1:05:24it's there to go, hey,
1:05:28you know, you got this other way." in in
1:05:30situation you handle it like this and it
1:05:32was so pure man and it kind of didn't
1:05:37go that way this ah so saying hard
1:05:41things and helping them kind of
1:05:44renegotiate or showing to them
1:05:46objectively hey I see who you are you've
1:05:48shown me who you are then when you're
1:05:51you I'm over here going
1:05:54and uh I take great pleasure in seeing
1:05:57you succeed without me.
1:06:00>> Wow. Wow. That's powerful.
1:06:03>> A good friend really
1:06:06takes honest and earnest pleasure in
1:06:09seeing their friend succeed with
1:06:12without them.
1:06:15>> We to end we got a little note from a
1:06:18good friend of yours.
1:06:19>> Oh. uh who sent it in and I think it'll
1:06:21be better if you read it out loud than
1:06:23me because it's for you and so I'm gonna
1:06:25hand it to you and you can uh read it
1:06:27out loud. What do we got here?
1:06:31>> I marvel at how you move through this
1:06:35world. Amazing actor, bestselling
1:06:37author, innovative entrepreneur, first
1:06:40rate father, husband and son, but more
1:06:42than anything a brilliant philosopher.
1:06:46And it is that philosophy that pervades
1:06:48everything you do. One that intertwines
1:06:52curiosity with poetry.
1:06:54From the time I met you nearly 30 years
1:06:57ago, I knew you were my brother. And you
1:07:01continue to inspire me to this day. Love
1:07:04you, buddy. Wood.
1:07:07PS. Miss our cuddle time. Me and Camila.
1:07:11THAT IS [laughter]
1:07:15>> PERFECT.
1:07:16>> YEAH.
1:07:16>> AH, thank you, buddy.
1:07:18>> Thank you.
1:07:19>> He is a great friend.
1:07:23He is a great friend. Boy, he is a good
1:07:25friend to me. I love the way that he
1:07:29loves
1:07:30>> me.
1:07:31>> It's really, really beautiful to
1:07:33receive.
1:07:34>> Well, Matthew, thank you for your time,
1:07:36your energy. uh whether I'm reading your
1:07:38books, whether I'm in your presence, or
1:07:39whether I'm listening to you. As I said
1:07:40to you before the first time I
1:07:42interviewed you, I listened to your
1:07:44acceptance speech from the Oscars every
1:07:47day for 30 days once upon a time in my
1:07:50life. And there only two speeches I've
1:07:52done that with. One is
1:07:53>> Steve Jobs's commencement speech at
1:07:55Stanford and one is your acceptance
1:07:57speech. I listen to it every day for 30
1:07:58days. And it it intern I find when you
1:08:01do that it internalizes
1:08:03>> ideas and um concepts and energy in a
1:08:07way that
1:08:09you don't get if you don't repeat. So
1:08:11very grateful to you for your life, your
1:08:13work and
1:08:13>> you're welcome and thanks for sharing
1:08:14that with me, man. Yeah,
1:08:16>> thank you so much.
1:08:16>> Had a wonderful time.
1:08:17>> Appreciate you. If this clip brought you
1:08:19value and you'd like to watch something
1:08:21else, this next video has been chosen
1:08:24especially for you based on your viewing
1:08:26behaviors. I hope you enjoy it. And if
1:08:28you do, please subscribe to the channel
1:08:30so we can keep bringing you fantastic
1:08:32conversations.

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