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Masturbate Like THIS 💦 (to Last 10X Longer in Bed) — Transcript

by Caitlin V · 3,137 words · 475 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Can I tell you a secret? The way you
0:02masturbate may be training your body to
0:04finish too fast. Not because
0:07masturbation is bad, but because for
0:08years your body has practiced one
0:11pattern on repeat. Get hard, rush, grip,
0:14and finish before anyone walks in. Fast,
0:17tense, goal-oriented, and often
0:20disconnected. For a lot of men, that
0:22became the template. And then they
0:23wonder why that exact urgency shows up
0:27in bed with a partner. Now, there is
0:28nothing to be ashamed of. As many as one
0:31in three men deal with finishing sooner
0:33than they'd like. And the same practices
0:36that created that situation can undo it.
0:39I'm about to share six researched-backed
0:41techniques that you can use solo that
0:43will actually make you a better lover by
0:46changing how your body responds to
0:48arousal. And one of them is so
0:50counterintuitive that most men do the
0:52exact opposite when they get close,
0:55which is why they end up speeding up
0:57rather than slowing down. So, let's get
1:00to it. One, edging. Slow down and learn
1:03your point of no return. Here's
1:04something almost every man that I have
1:06coached on this particular situation has
1:08in common. They've never actually
1:10learned where their point of no return
1:12is. You just know that it arrives, often
1:16very fast, and at the worst possible
1:18moment. Kind of like getting a text from
1:20your ex. [music] There's never any
1:22warning, it's always terrible timing.
1:25It's kind of exciting for a moment in a
1:27way, but then it makes you feel like
1:29[ __ ] Here's what's actually going on.
1:31It's not a you problem, it's a training
1:33problem, which I know sounds like
1:35something that a coach would say to make
1:37you feel better, but stay with me
1:39because how you approach it changes what
1:41you do about it. Start by getting a
1:44baseline so that you know what you're
1:45measuring. The next time you masturbate,
1:47do it exactly how you usually do, but
1:50time yourself. Then set a goal. Make it
1:52five or 10 or 15 or 20 minutes depending
1:55on where you're starting from, and don't
1:57allow yourself to ejaculate before then.
1:59Now, do whatever you have to do. Slow
2:01down, stop entirely, take a little walk
2:03around the room, maybe some deep
2:05breaths. Let yourself be playful and
2:07creative. You're already under enough
2:09pressure, no need to add any more. This
2:12alone will start to break the urgency
2:14pattern that your body is running on
2:16autopilot. Then, edging. Bring yourself
2:18right to the edge of ejaculation, also
2:21called the point of no return or P O N
2:24R, and then stop. [music]
2:26Let your arousal settle, take a deep
2:28breath, and then build again. Aim for
2:31three to [music] four times at the edge
2:34before you let yourself release and go
2:36over. The goal is to learn your body's
2:38individual arousal terrain. So, what
2:40does your point of no return feel like?
2:42What does it feel like 30 seconds before
2:44you're there? Measure it on a 1 to 10
2:46scale, where 10 is ejaculation and 9 is
2:49your P O N R. When you get to about a 9,
2:53slow down or stop and take a few slow,
2:56[music] deep, intentional belly breaths.
2:59Imagine that you're pulling the arousal
3:01up out of your pelvis and up your spine.
3:04Let the arousal move through your whole
3:06body instead of spiking in one place and
3:08then exploding out the front of you. I
3:10actually have a full video on how to use
3:13this breath, which I've linked below,
3:15because it's more effective than most
3:17men would expect. [music] And there's a
3:19specific technique to doing it that
3:21actually works. Most guys are told to
3:23distract themselves with [music]
3:24baseball or the stock market or thinking
3:26about their grandmother. Or, I kid you
3:28not, one man actually told me that he
3:30thinks about rotten meat. These tactics
3:33don't actually work because they are
3:34trying to fix the problem in the moment,
3:37which is like trying to learn how to
3:38drive during a car crash. You need to
3:40learn how to do it on your own first by
3:43putting in the reps, you know, like on
3:45the training course. Then you can avoid
3:47the crash when you're out on the real
3:49roads with a partner. Because the way
3:51that you practice alone becomes the
3:52pattern that your body reaches for when
3:54you're with another person. So, if you
3:56train urgency, you perform urgency. But,
3:59if you train awareness and pacing and
4:01breath and control and breathing, your
4:03body has something else to do when
4:05arousal gets intense. Tip [music] two,
4:06remove porn and replace it with guided
4:09audio. This is probably the most
4:10impactful tip on the list. It is also
4:13the one that men resist. It's also the
4:16most difficult and that is not a
4:17coincidence. Here's the problem. For a
4:19lot of men, porn trains you to focus on
4:21what's happening on the screen instead
4:23of what's happening in your body. Like,
4:25have you ever been watching a movie or a
4:27TV show and you're so immersed in it
4:30that when it ends, you're suddenly
4:31staring at the title cards like
4:33woah, I forgot I was even in a movie
4:36theater. Where are we? Porn is
4:39fast-paced, goal-oriented, visually
4:41dominant, and it never asks you to slow
4:44down, feel your body, take a deep
4:45breath, or notice a subtle sensation.
4:48But, real sex is very different. All
4:50five of your senses are engaged. [music]
4:52And then, when a real partner shows up
4:54and you can't just dissociate or
4:56disappear into [music] the screen, you
4:57can't forget that you're there with her,
4:59your nervous system may not know how to
5:02be there and stay [music] grounded. It's
5:05all too real. The way that she moves and
5:09breathes and moans. She's unpredictable,
5:12unlike your hand, unlike the screen. And
5:15then, intensity can be overwhelming. So,
5:17remove porn from your solo practice.
5:20Force your body to relearn how to build
5:22arousal from sensation and presence
5:25alone, which is exactly what good sex
5:27requires. Here is where most men stall
5:29out. They take porn away and then they
5:31try to get aroused without it. And
5:33either they get bored or anxious or
5:34their body doesn't respond the way they
5:36want it to. So then, they panic and they
5:38go straight back to clicking. That's not
5:40a failure, that's just your nervous
5:42system doing what nervous systems do. It
5:44retreats back to the fastest and easiest
5:46way it knows how to get the job done.
5:48Willpower, therefore, is not the answer.
5:50Having something to replace porn with is
5:53the answer. So, I built something. It's
5:55called masturbation meditations, a
5:58guided audio album. Just my voice in
6:01your ear guiding you through the
6:02experience in real time. How to touch,
6:05where to put your attention, what pace
6:07to use, when to slow down, when to
6:09breathe, and how to stay in sensation
6:11instead of escaping into a screen, so
6:13that you're not sitting there in the
6:15dark trying to manifest an erection
6:17through sheer determination. There's a
6:19track called pleasure without porn that
6:21guides you exactly through the
6:23transition that we've just talked about.
6:25There's also a track called slow the
6:26rush that is built specifically for
6:28lasting longer, and a track called edge
6:31without panic for edging practice, so
6:33that you never actually have to watch
6:35the clock because I'll be guiding you
6:37through it in real time. This is not
6:40another course, there is no homework, it
6:42is a guided practice for something that
6:45you were going to do anyway. So, if you
6:47want support with the exact shift we're
6:49talking about in this video, the link is
6:51in the description. Now, on to [music]
6:52the next tip. Pelvic floor
6:54rehabilitation. Only 6.8% of men with
6:57premature ejaculation can correctly
6:59identify and voluntarily use their
7:02pelvic floor muscles to control
7:03ejaculation. And among men without PE,
7:0682%. That is not a small difference.
7:09That is practically a whole different
7:12species. Your pelvic floor is directly
7:14involved in the ejaculatory reflex. Most
7:16men have zero conscious relationship
7:18with it. They don't know it exists, they
7:20can't feel it working, and they
7:21definitely cannot use it as a break in
7:23the heat of the moment. And that's
7:24because nobody ever told you that it was
7:25there, which is a fairly significant
7:28omission from your sex education, but
7:30here we are. A multicenter retrospective
7:32study of 273 men found that a 12-week
7:36pelvic floor rehabilitation program
7:38significantly improved ejaculatory
7:41latency time. And up to 81% of those men
7:45maintained improvement at a 5-year
7:47follow-up. 5 years. Now, this isn't
7:51about squeezing harder. That can
7:52actually do damage. This is about
7:54learning how to feel and consciously
7:56relate to your muscles as arousal
7:58builds. Because the involuntary
8:00contraction of the pelvic floor is part
8:02of what drives ejaculation forward. So,
8:04picture this. You're getting close.
8:05Maybe your shoulders come up and your
8:07jaw locks and your butt clenches and
8:09your breath disappears.
8:11Well, [gasps]
8:12congratulations. Your body has just
8:14become a panic [music] button. For a lot
8:15of men, that tightening accelerates the
8:17exact thing that they're trying to slow
8:19down. The good news is that you may not
8:21need to start by seeing a pelvic floor
8:23physiotherapist. Although, of course,
8:25they can be incredibly useful,
8:26especially if this feels confusing or
8:28painful or is persistent. But in
8:30practice, one of the first things that
8:32you can do is build your brain-body
8:34connection through techniques like body
8:36scanning. Pair that with slow,
8:38intentional masturbation and deliberate
8:40attention to what's going on in your
8:41pelvic floor. [music] Notice where it
8:43starts to tighten as you approach the
8:44edge. Practice consciously letting it
8:47go. It'll be subtle at first, but then,
8:49with a little repetition, it won't be.
8:51There's actually a track on my album
8:53called get out of your head that's built
8:55exactly for this, to guide you out of
8:57your mind and into your body, where this
8:59actually all takes place. Now, pelvic
9:01floor work gives you awareness of the
9:03larger muscular system involved in
9:05ejaculation. But this next practice gets
9:08even more precise and a little weirder.
9:11Tip four, sphincter control training.
9:14Okay, stay with me on this one cuz it's
9:15not the sphincter you're thinking of.
9:16This is the tiny release valve that you
9:19use when you pee. [music] I know, you
9:20clicked a video about lasting longer and
9:22somehow we ended up talking about a pee
9:24valve. Welcome to sex education. A
9:27randomized control trial found that
9:29training men to develop conscious
9:31awareness and voluntary control of the
9:33external urethral sphincter, where you
9:36let the pee out, specifically during
9:37masturbation, significantly improved
9:40what is called ejaculatory [music]
9:42latency time, aka time to ejaculation.
9:45The results rivaled some of the most
9:47commonly prescribed treatments for PE.
9:50So, [music] a muscle you've never
9:51thought about in your whole life
9:53rivaling prescription medication. That's
9:55a big deal. Now, here's why it works.
9:57The external [music]
9:58urethral sphincter is involved in the
10:00emission phase of ejaculation, which is
10:03the moment just before the point of no
10:05return, where the sequence kind of
10:06starts, like it's the first domino, and
10:09then you can't really stop it after
10:10that. When you consciously relax the
10:12sphincter as arousal builds, you may be
10:14able to interrupt that phase before it
10:16becomes inevitable. The counterintuitive
10:18[music] part, and this is very
10:19important, is that most men
10:21instinctively tighten everything as they
10:24[music] get close. Meaning they brace
10:26and clench and they sort of like hold on
10:28for dear life. But, that tightening
10:29actually accelerates this process.
10:32>> [music]
10:32>> So, this move is the opposite. It is to
10:34relax and exhale and let go. And you can
10:36practice this on your own. As arousal
10:38builds towards the edge, consciously try
10:40to release the sphincter, almost as if
10:43you were trying to pee, instead of
10:44gripping. Pair it with long exhales. It
10:47takes time to build this awareness, but
10:49once you have it, you will have a tool
10:51that you didn't even know existed 6
10:53minutes ago. This is the technique that
10:55I teased at the beginning.
10:56>> [music]
10:57>> Most men are trying to control
10:58ejaculation by tightening, when the
11:00actual more effective move would be to
11:02[music] learn how to release. Tip five.
11:05Penis root masturbation. This one came
11:07out of a 2023 study, and I'll be honest,
11:09I had not encountered it before
11:11researching for this video. 35 men with
11:13lifelong premature ejaculation who had
11:16already tried other treatments and
11:17failed, practiced masturbation focused
11:20at the base and root of their penis,
11:23rather than the upper shaft or the head.
11:25Over 3 months, ejaculatory latency time
11:28improved significantly. The research on
11:30this is newer, but the principle is
11:32simple. If you always stimulate the most
11:34reactive parts of your body, your body
11:36learns urgency. If you shift stimulation
11:38towards the root, you give your nervous
11:40system a new input. The mechanism is
11:42that stimulating the root rather than
11:44the glans or the head may reduce
11:46intensity at the most reactive area
11:48while still maintaining arousal. Because
11:50after years of masturbating in the same
11:52way, many men have concentrated all of
11:54the arousal and urgency into the most
11:56sensitive area. And that kind of
11:58intensity can make it difficult to
11:59tolerate high levels of stimulation.
12:02With practice, your body learns to
12:03separate stimulation from urgency, which
12:05is exactly the skill that translates to
12:07lasting longer with a partner. So, try
12:09it for yourself. Shift your focus and
12:11your touch to the very base, close to
12:13where your penis meets your body. Slow,
12:15intentional movement combined with the
12:17breathwork from tip one. When I've
12:19searched for people experiencing this
12:21technique online, the response that I
12:22keep seeing from men who have sometimes
12:24spent years
12:26trying to
12:28work on lasting longer with some version
12:30of "I can't believe this is it. It seems
12:34so
12:35simple, almost too good to be true, but
12:38folks are getting results with that."
12:39Tip number six, sleeve and
12:41device-assisted practice. Here's the
12:43thing about solo practice that most men
12:45never consider. If you're doing it the
12:47same way every time with the same hand
12:49at the same pace, chasing the same
12:51feeling, you're just drilling the
12:52pattern deeper and deeper. Nothing
12:54changes because nothing changes. If your
12:57hand has become a shortcut, your body
12:59has learned the shortcut. A sleeve can
13:00be useful because it interrupts that
13:02shortcut. When it comes to masturbation,
13:04a sleeve that mimics realistic sensation
13:07introduces a different input entirely.
13:10Your body suddenly can't run on
13:11autopilot because something is
13:12unfamiliar. And that interruption is
13:14exactly where the retraining happens.
13:17You're forced to actually feel what's
13:18going on instead of just racing through
13:20it. I recommend using a masturbation
13:22sleeve that mimics realistic sensation
13:24as it will help to recalibrate your body
13:27towards what sex actually feels like. A
13:29pilot study found the device-assisted
13:31practice improved ejaculatory latency
13:33time from a mean of 1.4 to 10 minutes.
13:37Actually, over. And if you don't have a
13:38sleeve, you can get more creative. You
13:40can try using your other hand. You can
13:42add lube if you've been masturbating
13:44without it. You can move your body. So,
13:46you can stand up or get on your knees or
13:48change the way that your body's position
13:49to resemble a position you'd have sex
13:51in. The principle is always the same.
13:53Change things up so that you can [music]
13:55see your patterns clearly and practice
13:58the way you want to perform. And on that
13:59note, let me give you one more bonus
14:01tip. Masturbate before sex. Get one in
14:04before you get one in. For some men, a
14:06high-quality solo session one or two
14:09hours before sex can make arousal feel
14:11less urgent. Now, this isn't a long-term
14:13solution, but if you were looking for a
14:15stopgap that will get you through the
14:17next date or the next evening, this is a
14:19great go-to. A [music] lot of the guys
14:20who I've coached over the last decade
14:22see masturbation as a sort of silver
14:24medal. Something that they only have to
14:26do if they don't have a partner.
14:28Something that they don't want to commit
14:29the time to. I get it, but guided solo
14:32practice before partner sex can help
14:34some men arrive less desperate to finish
14:36and more available to actually feel
14:39what's happening. The key is really to
14:40test your own timing. Some men need more
14:42recovery time, especially if erection
14:44quality is already concerned. But if
14:46this works for your body, it can be a
14:47powerful way to practice before the
14:50moment when you most want that skill to
14:51be available. You just need to teach
14:53your body that arousal does not have to
14:55mean emergency. [music] And that is much
14:57easier to learn when someone is guiding
15:00you through it while it's happening.
15:01That's exactly why I created
15:03masturbation meditations. It's 12
15:06professionally recorded guided audio
15:08tracks.
15:09>> [music]
15:09>> My voice in your ear guiding your body
15:11through the actual practice in real
15:13time. How to breathe and slow down. How
15:16to edge without panic. How [music] to
15:18feel your body. How to get turned on
15:20without porn. How to pace and release
15:23[music] and stay present while you're
15:25actually aroused. The tracks edge
15:27without panic and slow the rush walk you
15:30through edging [music] and pacing,
15:31everything we covered in tip one, taking
15:33you right to your limit without making
15:35you figure it out alone. Pleasure
15:37without porn guides you through the
15:39transition we talked about in tip two
15:41with support, so your body actually
15:43learns a new pathway instead of
15:45struggling through it. Get out of your
15:47head helps you to drop into sensation
15:49and build the body awareness that pelvic
15:52floor work require. You can even stack
15:54tracks to extend your practice from
15:55anywhere from 15 to 90 minutes if you
15:58have the time to commit. It works on the
16:00physical retraining and the part that
16:02nobody talks about because you probably
16:04already know enough facts. What you need
16:07to do now is practice and honestly, you
16:10were probably going to touch yourself
16:11anyway, so [music] you might as well
16:12make it count. You can get masturbation
16:14meditations and start practicing
16:16tonight. You have 90 days to use it,
16:20feel it and see if it changes the way
16:21that your body responds. [music] If
16:22you're not totally satisfied, get your
16:24money back. The link is in the
16:27description. So, tell me in the comments
16:29which one of these have you tried? What
16:30are you most curious about? I'm Caitlin
16:33B. Thank you for watching. I'll see you
16:34here next week. Bye.

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