Master your Communication & Speak like the Top 1% — Transcript

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1. 0:00The people who get hurt aren't
2. 0:01necessarily the smartest in the room.
3. 0:03This is how you build trust and
4. 0:04authority at the same time, and that
5. 0:06difference is everything. They pay
6. 0:07attention when it matters to them. The
7. 0:10word just is a minimizer. Just drop the
8. 0:12just.
9. 0:14If you've ever walked into a room with a
10. 0:15great idea, only to watch it get
11. 0:17ignored, talked over, or repackaged by
12. 0:20someone louder, this video is for you.
13. 0:22Because that moment is costing you
14. 0:24influence, credibility, and money. But
15. 0:26over the last decade working with
16. 0:28leaders, executives, and high
17. 0:29performers, I figured out something most
18. 0:31people never learn. The people who get
19. 0:33hurt aren't necessarily the smartest in
20. 0:35the room. They are the clearest, they're
21. 0:37the most intentional, and they follow a
22. 0:39few principles that quietly put them in
23. 0:41control. So today, I'm going to share
24. 0:43with you five of them. Principle number
25. 0:45one, speak to what they care about. Most
26. 0:48people walk into conversations focused
27. 0:50on what they want to say. The top
28. 0:52performers walk in focused on what the
29. 0:55other person needs to hear. And that
30. 0:57difference is everything. Early in my
31. 0:58career, I pitched a senior leader on an
32. 1:00idea that I had spent weeks building. I
33. 1:03was confident walking in. 30 seconds
34. 1:05later, I could tell I'd lost him. His
35. 1:08eyes were down, there were no questions,
36. 1:10just a polite we'll circle back. And as
37. 1:12I was walking out, I knew I had missed.
38. 1:15Later, it finally clicked. I had built
39. 1:17the entire pitch around my goals, my
40. 1:19effort, and my priorities. But none of
41. 1:22it connected to his world. So the next
42. 1:24time, I rebuilt it completely. It was
43. 1:26the same idea, but completely different
44. 1:28framing. I spoke in his language, his
45. 1:31metrics, his pressures,
46. 1:33and everything changed. He leaned in. He
47. 1:35asked questions. He approved it on the
48. 1:37spot. Here's the rule the top 1%
49. 1:39understand.
50. 1:41People don't pay attention because
51. 1:42something matters to you, they pay
52. 1:44attention when it matters to them. Let
53. 1:47me show you how this principle plays
54. 1:48out. At work, if you need a new hire and
55. 1:51the CFO is focused on cutting costs,
56. 1:54walking in and asking for headcount is a
57. 1:56losing move. So, instead, you say
58. 1:58something like, "Since efficiency is a
59. 2:00priority this quarter, I mapped how
60. 2:02adding one team member would reduce
61. 2:04overtime, lower errors, and save roughly
62. 2:07$40,000 in 6 months." Now, you're not
63. 2:09asking, you're solving a problem. And at
64. 2:11home, if your partner is exhausted and
65. 2:14you say, "I want to go out with you
66. 2:16tonight." That's going to probably
67. 2:18create some friction. But, if you say,
68. 2:20"I know this week wiped you out. Would a
69. 2:22quiet dinner help you decompress? And if
70. 2:24not, we'll stay in." It's the same
71. 2:25request, but you often get a completely
72. 2:28different outcome. Influence starts when
73. 2:31you enter their world first. Principle
74. 2:33number two, bookend your voice. Here is
75. 2:36something most people don't know.
76. 2:37Psychology shows that people remember
77. 2:39the beginning and the end of
78. 2:41conversations far more than the middle.
79. 2:43You don't actually need to speak
80. 2:44constantly to be memorable. You need to
81. 2:46speak strategically. Start strong.
82. 2:49I came across something that relates to
83. 2:51item two on the agenda. I'd love to
84. 2:53share a thought. And then, end strong.
85. 2:55Before we wrap up, I want to highlight
86. 2:57Paul's idea. It's worth carrying into
87. 2:59the next meeting. Two moments, maximum
88. 3:01impact. Quiet people who master this
89. 3:03suddenly become very hard to ignore.
90. 3:05Principle number three, reclaim credit
91. 3:08without looking insecure. This one hits
92. 3:10close to home for a lot of people. You
93. 3:12share an idea and it lands completely
94. 3:15flat. No one reacts. And then, 5 minutes
95. 3:17later, someone else repeats the same
96. 3:19thing and suddenly the room loves it. It
97. 3:22is frustrating and it's demotivating and
98. 3:24it can slowly chip away at how you see
99. 3:26yourself. And yes, it happens more often
100. 3:28than you think. The wrong move is
101. 3:30shrinking or getting defensive. The top
102. 3:32performers do something smarter. They
103. 3:35reclaim their contribution gracefully.
104. 3:37There are two options that we teach for
105. 3:38how to do this. Option one, build
106. 3:41forward. Selma, that's great to see that
107. 3:44we're aligned with what I shared
108. 3:45earlier. One way we could extend that is
109. 3:47So, you elevate the conversation and
110. 3:49re-anchor the idea to you without
111. 3:51sounding territorial. And then there's
112. 3:53option two, get curious. That's a great
113. 3:56suggestion. That aligns with what I
114. 3:58shared before. How did you arrive at
115. 4:00that? This invites dialogue and signals
116. 4:02confidence without being
117. 4:03confrontational. You can also use the
118. 4:05same approach to spotlight other people
119. 4:07if their ideas get overshadowed. This is
120. 4:09how you build trust and authority at the
121. 4:11same time. And you make sure that no
122. 4:13one's getting credit for your great
123. 4:14ideas. It's a brilliant way to gain
124. 4:16authority without having to fight for
125. 4:18it. Principle number four, delete the
126. 4:21language that makes you small. Some of
127. 4:23the smartest people sabotage themselves
128. 4:26with tiny phrases. In all my years
129. 4:28working with leaders and coaching high
130. 4:30performers, I have noticed that
131. 4:31brilliant people can accidentally weaken
132. 4:34their credibility with just a few small
133. 4:36bad linguistic habits. Listen for these.
134. 4:39I might be wrong. This is probably
135. 4:40silly. Sorry if this is going off track.
136. 4:43These sound polite. They feel
137. 4:45collaborative. But it quietly tells the
138. 4:47room you don't need to take me
139. 4:49seriously. And then there are even more
140. 4:50sophisticated versions like, correct me
141. 4:53if I'm wrong, or I know I'm not the
142. 4:55ultimate expert on this. These
143. 4:57unintentionally diminish the impact of
144. 4:59your message before you've even
145. 5:00delivered it. And it undermines you.
146. 5:03Compare how these sound. I'm not sure
147. 5:04about this, but do you think we could
148. 5:06check the data? Versus, before we move
149. 5:08forward, let's double check that the
150. 5:10data is correct. It's the same idea,
151. 5:12different presence. And then we have the
152. 5:14second credibility killer. The word
153. 5:16just. I just wanted to share. I just
154. 5:19want to add. I just have a quick
155. 5:21question. I hear this constantly,
156. 5:23especially among early career
157. 5:25professionals or people who are just
158. 5:26starting out and they feel a little
159. 5:28insecure. The word just is a minimizer.
160. 5:31It makes your voice sound apologetic,
161. 5:34like you're asking for permission to
162. 5:35take up space. Just drop the just.
163. 5:38I want to share. I'd like to add. I have
164. 5:40a question. Simple, direct,
165. 5:43unapologetic. Removing these softeners
166. 5:45was one of the biggest upgrades that I
167. 5:47ever made. Not just in how people were
168. 5:49listening to me, but in how I felt
169. 5:50showing up. Principle number five, walk
170. 5:53in like you belong. Before you speak,
171. 5:55people are already reading you. And the
172. 5:57biggest difference between people who
173. 5:59get heard and people who get overlooked
174. 6:02is this. The top 1% walk into the room
175. 6:05and assume they belong. They're not
176. 6:08wondering, do I deserve to be here?
177. 6:10They're not asking permission with their
178. 6:12body or shrinking before they speak.
179. 6:14They enter with the internal belief, if
180. 6:16I'm in the room, I belong in the room.
181. 6:19And the science backs this up. You've
182. 6:20probably heard of the research that says
183. 6:22that if you want to exude more
184. 6:23confidence, you want to take on a more
185. 6:25expansive posture. But there's even more
186. 6:27recent research that shows that the
187. 6:29confidence boost doesn't actually come
188. 6:31from the pose itself. It comes from one
189. 6:34thing which is called neck flexion.
190. 6:37Meaning, when you lengthen your neck,
191. 6:39you lift your head, you activate a chain
192. 6:42of physiological responses that
193. 6:44influence confidence and vocal presence.
194. 6:46It's neck flexion.
195. 6:48So before a meeting or a pitch or
196. 6:50something important, do a quick reset.
197. 6:53Stop scrolling on your phone, lift your
198. 6:55head, open your chest, stand like
199. 6:58someone who has something worth saying.
200. 7:00It literally takes 3 seconds and yet it
201. 7:02changes how people perceive you and how
202. 7:05you perceive yourself. The top 1% don't
203. 7:07wait to feel ready. They behave their
204. 7:10way into presence. They prepare their
205. 7:12body, their mind and their presence
206. 7:14before they even open their mouth. And
207. 7:16that's one of the reasons why their
208. 7:17voice lands. So here's what I want you
209. 7:19to do next. In your next meeting or
210. 7:22pitch or presentation, don't try all
211. 7:24five principles at once. Just pick one.
212. 7:26Speak to what they care about, bookend
213. 7:29your voice, reclaim credit for your
214. 7:31ideas, remove one phrase that shrinks
215. 7:33you, or walk in like you belong before
216. 7:36you say a word. Because as I write about
217. 7:38in my book Big Trust, confidence isn't
218. 7:40something that you think your way into.
219. 7:43It's something you earn, and you earn it
220. 7:45by acting, by stacking small wins, by
221. 7:47showing up the same way again and again
222. 7:50until your presence does the talking for
223. 7:52you. Try it once, watch what changes,
224. 7:54and then come back and tell me what
225. 7:56happened. That's how people go from
226. 7:57having good ideas to being the person
227. 7:59people actually listen to. Now, if you
228. 8:02found value in this episode, hit
229. 8:03subscribe, turn on the bell icon, and
230. 8:05I'll see you next time.