Mario VS Sonic (Nintendo VS Sega) | DEATH BATTLE! — Transcript

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1. 0:04Wiz: Their rivalry is legendary.
2. 0:06Their fame unmatched.
3. 0:08This battle has gone on for nearly three decades but today it finally comes to an end.
4. 0:14Boomstick: Mario, Nintendo's whimsical Italian turtle crusher.
5. 0:18Wiz: And Sonic the Hedgehog, Sega specialist of speed.
6. 0:22Boomstick: Time to find out if Sega really does what Nintendon't.
7. 0:26Wiz: For this bout we'll be using the same rules that fellas had for the past three years.
8. 0:30Most importantly the original video games will be our primary source for analysis.
9. 0:35Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
10. 0:37Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a DEATH BATTLE!
11. 0:45Wiz: Plumber.
12. 0:46Carpenter.
13. 0:47Doctor.
14. 0:48Mario has wore many hats throughout his life.
15. 0:50But he always does so as a hero.
16. 0:53Boomstick: Except for that time he tortured an animal but no one really talks 'bout that.
17. 0:56Wiz: Born as one of the seven Star Children possessing an extraordinary amount of power--
18. 1:01Boomstick: And extra horrible crying fits.
19. 1:04Wiz: --Mario was assuredly destined for greatness.
20. 1:07Boomstick: Then him and his little bro Luigi wound up in New Donk City,
21. 1:11where he spent his days throwin' shit at monkeys and uh...
22. 1:14fixin' toilets.
23. 1:15Not exactly the great heroic destiny I was expecting, but hey...
24. 1:19At least his girlfriend was smokin'!
25. 1:21Wiz: But everything changed after a chance meeting with Princess Peach Toadstool.
26. 1:26Her Mushroom Kingdom had been conquered by Bowser,
27. 1:29the tryannical King of the Koopas.
28. 1:31And her only hope of rescue lay in the hands of the Mario Bros.
29. 1:35Boomstick: And Mario had all the power he needed to take the turtle terror down.
30. 1:40He's super tough, super quick and really...
31. 1:43...really strong.
32. 1:44He can jump several times his own height,
33. 1:46smash tanks to bits with his butt,
34. 1:48and toss Bowser around as if he's featherweight!
35. 1:51Mario: So long-a Bowser!
36. 1:53Wiz: Needless to say...
37. 1:54The Mushroom Kingdom was in good hands.
38. 1:56Boomstick: So was the princess.
39. 1:58She even gave Mario a piece of her cake.
40. 2:00Heh heh if y'know what I'm sayin'.
41. 2:02Get in there buddy.
42. 2:02You deserve all the--
43. 2:04Oh come on it's an actual cake?!
44. 2:06That's good too I guess.
45. 2:07Wiz: And if his strength doesn't cut it,
46. 2:09Mario has plenty of extra weapons and powers on hand.
47. 2:12Boomstick: He can already shatter brick with his bare fists.
48. 2:14But when he needs the power to break down the toughest walls,
49. 2:17he busts out the Ultra Hammer.
50. 2:20Sounds like a wrestlin' move Lou Albano would've used back in the day.
51. 2:23Rest in peace Cap'n.
52. 2:25Wiz: Forged by two master blacksmiths,
53. 2:27the Ultra Hammer, combined with Mario's mighty swing,
54. 2:30can break through practically any material.
55. 2:32Boomstick: And he's got a ton of awesome power-ups,
56. 2:35like that spicy Fire Flower.
57. 2:37Wiz: Actually, while Mario USED to need this flower,
58. 2:39he has since learned how to use pyrokinesis without it.
59. 2:42Boomstick: Well, the Ice Flower lets him freeze enemies,
60. 2:44the Lucky Bell turns him into a kitty cat,
61. 2:46and the Super Mushroom gives him a power boost and increases his size.
62. 2:50Heh.
63. 2:51I bet the princess likes that one~.
64. 2:53Wiz: With his Frog Suit, his swimming ability increases dramatically.
65. 2:57With the Double Cherry, he can create clones of himself with no power decrease.
66. 3:01With the Stop Watch, he can freeze time.
67. 3:03With the Cape Feather or the Wing Cap, he can soar to new heights.
68. 3:07And with the Starman or Rainbow Star he becomes totally invincible...
69. 3:12for a short time.
70. 3:13Boomstick: And with the Gold Flower he never has to work another day in his life,
71. 3:16'Cause he's got a infinite supply of money...
72. 3:19made of people!
73. 3:21Wiz: While he can carry several power-ups at once,
74. 3:23Mario doesn't always needed them to prove his potential.
75. 3:26Boomstick: He's quick enough to maneuver when transformed into a bolt of lightning,
76. 3:29and skilled enough to pilot the Star Diver as it rockets through the atmosphere.
77. 3:34He's so frickin manly he took an explosion to the face that wrecked an entire castle.
78. 3:39And even better...
79. 3:40he was standing in the middle of this.
80. 3:43Wiz: Based on a standard tennis court's measurements,
81. 3:45we can determine the blast of this fireball covered a radius of over 2,000 feet.
82. 3:50To reach this distance, the blast must've had an explosive field of over 2.4 megatons.
83. 3:57Boomstick: So what you’re sayin' is Mario could totally play tennis with a nuclear warhead for a ball and be totally fine?
84. 4:03Wiz: Probably.
85. 4:04Also he can throw a baseball so fast, it overloaded this speed gun,
86. 4:08implying it was launched over 999 miles per hour.
87. 4:12In the Mario World cartoon, he hurled a dinosaur out of orbit.
88. 4:15Assuming this creature is of similar size and weight to a Tyrannosaurus Rex,
89. 4:19this feat would require a force of over 135 tons of TNT.
90. 4:24Boomstick: Wait Wiz!
91. 4:25I thought you said we're only usin' the games.
92. 4:27Wiz: Any official material counts so long as it's supported by the games.
93. 4:30Otherwise we'd be ignoring a huge majority of the character's history.
94. 4:34Take a look at this Chain Chomp.
95. 4:35It's actually made up of solid gold.
96. 4:38Gold is ridiculously heavy.
97. 4:40While one cubic foot of iron weighs 194 pounds, a cubic foot of gold is over 1200 pounds.
98. 4:47Luckily, a Chain Chomp is a perfect sphere so we can compare it to Mario's height to find that it weighs nearly 6000 tons.
99. 4:55Boomstick: Wait, did he just leave it in that hole?
100. 4:57Cash it in, Mario!
101. 4:59That thing's worth 366 billion dollars!
102. 5:02Wiz: That's....
103. 5:03actually correct.
104. 5:05Boomstick: Well yeah, that guy on TV who always wants my gold told me.
105. 5:09Wiz: This isn't even Mario's impressive feat.
106. 5:11At one point, he lifted an entire fortress and punted it through the air.
107. 5:16Boomstick: He does the same thing in the manga and it's pretty on par with the strength he's shown against Bowser,
108. 5:21who survived collapsin' castles multiple times.
109. 5:24Wiz: Since this presentation makes the castle's size difficult to determine, we measured the entire interior based of maps from the game.
110. 5:31By scaling these measurements to the castle's smaller avatar, and conservatively assuming a limestone composition,
111. 5:37we've determined the castle must weigh more then 61 million tons.
112. 5:42Boomstick: And he just kicked it away like it was a frggin' soccer ball.
113. 5:45Wiz: Given the distance it was kicked, Mario must have exerted a force of around three and a half megatons of TNT.
114. 5:51Do you realize what this means?
115. 5:52Mario's FOOT is 231 times more powerful than the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima.
116. 6:00Boomstick: Now seems like a good time for a beer.
117. 6:03...or twelve.
118. 6:04Wiz: Honestly, Mario's absurd strength shouldn't be as surprising as you think.
119. 6:08While he's fairly naive and not much of a strategist, he saved the Mushroom Kingdom from Bowser's clawed grip time and time again,
120. 6:14and the Koopa King is tough enough to survive a dip in the sun, or even a black hole.
121. 6:19Boomstick: Don't underestimate Nintendo's powerful plumber!
122. 6:24Mario: Here we go!
123. 6:29Wiz: Somewhere out there on a strange alternate version of Earth,
124. 6:32humans coexist with anthropomorphic animals.
125. 6:36But this world has been assailed over and over by the vile Dr. Ivo Robotnik,
126. 6:41otherwise known as Eggman.
127. 6:43Boomstick: Why the heck does he need such a dumb alias when he's already got a name sound as cool-sounding as Robotnik??
128. 6:48Wiz: But hope persisted...
129. 6:50Whenever the Eggman hatched a scheme, one did not have to wait long for a certain blue streak to speed by...
130. 6:56This was Sonic the Hedgehog.
131. 6:58Boomstick: ♪He's the fastest thing aliiiive!♫
132. 7:01♪He's the fastest thing aliiiiiiiiiiive!♫
133. 7:05Wiz: While Sonic has a superhuman physique overall, speed is his speciality.
134. 7:10In fact, superhuman speed is a natural trait for the anthropomorphic hedgehog,
135. 7:14though Sonic's abilities are far superior to his kin.
136. 7:17Boomstick: Wait a minute, all hedgehogs have super speed!?
137. 7:20That doesn't make any sense.
138. 7:22Wiz: Well, real hedgehogs are also nocturnal, not blue, and when they try to make friends with foxes...
139. 7:27They get eaten.
140. 7:29So I don't think SEGA cares.
141. 7:30Boomstick: All right then...
142. 7:31To stop Eggman from turning all his animal pals into batteries,
143. 7:35Sonic cranked up that speed, and weaponized it.
144. 7:38He can crush his enemies with the Spin Attack,
145. 7:40strike multiple times with the Homing Attack,
146. 7:42go zero to sonic boom instantly with the Super Peel-Out,
147. 7:46and plow through hordes of badniks with the Spin Dash.
148. 7:49Holy crap!
149. 7:50You'd think this guy would just, like, vomit all the time.
150. 7:52Wiz: He's also used a number of power-ups throughout his adventures,
151. 7:55including elemental shields.
152. 7:57The Aqua Shield is especially useful as it grants him an incredibly high bouncing jump and protection against his greatest nemesis.
153. 8:04Boomstick: Robotnik?
154. 8:05Wiz: No.
155. 8:06(Cues: Sonic the Hedgehog - Drowning) Water.
156. 8:07Boomstick: Seriously, Sonic, buddy, learn to swim already and save our ears from that nightmare music.
157. 8:16Wiz: The blue hedgehog can also gain abilities from small alien beings called Wisps.
158. 8:20Boomstick: They can turn him into a fireball, a Yellow Drill, a black hole...
159. 8:24a bunch of stuff really.
160. 8:26Even a demonic Hungry Hungry Hippo!
161. 8:28Wiz: But before we delve any further, there is something vital which we need to discuss.
162. 8:33It's time to figure out Sonic's speed.
163. 8:36Boomstick: Oh boy, here we go!
164. 8:38Wiz: While he has boasted that he is faster than light,
165. 8:41Sonic has yet to prove this in canon without the aid of additional equipment or power-ups.
166. 8:45Boomstick: Oh, yeah, like when he connects to a trail of rings, but you can't take his braggin' too seriously.
167. 8:50He's still got some of that radical 90s attitude.
168. 8:53Sonic: I'm outta here!
169. 8:54Wiz: The highest official description of Sonic's speed labels him as hypersonic,
170. 8:58or somewhere between Mach 5 and Mach 10.
171. 9:00This actually isn't too far-fetched; the game Sonic Unleashed records his speed, and he can reach a maximum around 3,500...
172. 9:08Uh...
173. 9:09SPD.
174. 9:10Boomstick: ♪Sonic he's got an STD♫
175. 9:13♪Sonic, it burns when he pees!♫
176. 9:16Wiz: Assuming SPD translates to metric meters,
177. 9:18given the game's Japanese development,
178. 9:20that puts Sonic's top speed over 7,872 miles per hour,
179. 9:25over ten times the speed of sound and just over the official hypersonic description.
180. 9:30Boomstick: So is that it?
181. 9:31Wiz: Well, it's possible-- no, likely that he's faster.
182. 9:34In TV shows closely tied to the games, Sonic has dodged meteors,
183. 9:38did this with the 10,000 frame per second camera,
184. 9:41and even outran lightning,
185. 9:43all of which implies that he can move and react around 200 to 300 times the speed of sound.
186. 9:48How about that one time he caught up to a Cyan Wisp?
187. 9:51He said that thing's almost as fast as him even without its laser mode.
188. 9:56Wiz: That's right.
189. 9:56The Laser is a power it grants Sonic, not itself.
190. 9:59Still, Wisps are incredibly fast.
191. 10:02At one point a group of them flew from Earth's surface to a black hole in orbit in the 20 seconds Sonic and Tails were talking.
192. 10:08By measuring the planet's curve here we can find the Wisp aliens must have been moving around Mach 200.
193. 10:14As Sonic is faster than them, this supports his cartoon feats.
194. 10:17Boomstick: Why isn't that black hole suckin' up the earth?
195. 10:20That's what they do right?
196. 10:21Wiz: It's more like a pseudo-black hole fueled by Hyper-go-on energy.
197. 10:25Boomstick: Yeah... if I didn't know better,
198. 10:27I'd swear he just made those words up.
199. 10:29Wiz: Its presence near Sonic does emulate that of a singularity, and Sonic actually outran its pull for 30 seconds.
200. 10:35Due to chaotic accretion, black holes pull non orbiting mass inward at 30% the speed of light.
201. 10:41Sonic's clearly pushing his running speed to its limit here, or else the black hole wouldn't have pulled him in.
202. 10:46With this in mind It's entirely possible that without additional support, Sonic's maximum possible running speed must be around 200 million miles per hour.
203. 10:57Boomstick: That's insane.
204. 10:58The fastest man-made object in real life was the new Horizon's space probe,
205. 11:02which took off at more than 36,000 miles per hour.
206. 11:06Wiz: It took nine years for this probe to reach Pluto,
207. 11:08but with Sonic's speed, he could make this same trip to Pluto in less than 24 hours.
208. 11:14While we're trackin' speed I've always wondered how fast I can chug a beer.
209. 11:17Start the clock Wiz!
210. 11:21Wiz: Are you gonna start?
211. 11:22Boomstick: I'm already done.
212. 11:25Wiz: (groans)
213. 11:25Moving on...
214. 11:27Even with this unbelievable speed,
215. 11:29Sonic has far more power hidden up his sleeves.
216. 11:31Boomstick: He doesn't wear a shirt...
217. 11:32He can achieve the form of Super Sonic by absorbing an enormous amount of positive energy from the seven legendary Chaos Emeralds.
218. 11:39In this mode he can teleport large objects, survive planet level explosions, launch energy attacks and fly near the speed of light.
219. 11:46Boomstick: But guess what?
220. 11:48This isn't even his final form.
221. 11:50Wiz: After the emeralds received a boost from the Master Emerald,
222. 11:53Sonic could achieve his ultimate state of being:
223. 11:56Hyper Sonic.
224. 11:57Boomstick: He's got all the abilities of Super Sonic plus total invincibility and a Hyper Flash that instakills everything around him.
225. 12:04Oh and he's definitely faster than light now.
226. 12:07Wiz: Unfortunately, good things don't last forever.
227. 12:10Without a steady supply of rings, these super forms can't even stick around for a full minute.
228. 12:15Boomstick: Sonic has resisted mind control from the Overmind,
229. 12:18survived re-entry from orbit, and blasted apart a mountain.
230. 12:22This would need more than 200 tons of TNT to pull off.
231. 12:25And while fighting his evil robocopy Metal Sonic they shattered this enormous stalactite.
232. 12:31Holy shit just look at the size of it!!
233. 12:33By comparing it to the buildings in this city and applying the density of granite,
234. 12:37the most common rock in continental crust, we found that this stalactite must weigh almost 47 million tons.
235. 12:44Which means a break like this would need a force of almost 200 kilotons of TNT.
236. 12:49Boomstick: Damn!
237. 12:50He's definitely got what it takes to save the world from a madman scientist,
238. 12:54even if he is...
239. 12:55...kind of a dick.
240. 12:56Wiz: Well, Sonic may be a bit arrogant and he's certainly a thrill-seeker,
241. 13:00but at his best, he's the definition of honest and heroic.
242. 13:03He's used his powers to defeat Eggman time and time again,
243. 13:06even against gigantic death machines and cataclysmic events.
244. 13:10Boomstick: Those cute and cuddly forest critters can rest easy when Sonic's gotta go fast.
245. 13:16Infinite: I'll show you how outclassed you really are.
246. 13:19Sonic: I'm in a class all my own!
247. 13:20Time to put-up or shut up, Infinite!
248. 13:26Wiz: Alright the combatants are set.
249. 13:28Let's end this debate once and for all.
250. 13:30Boomstick: But first all this talk of Eggman got me hungry for Blue Apron.
251. 13:35Wiz: By now, you've probably heard of Blue Apron the leading meal kit delivery service in the US.
252. 13:40Boomstick: But did you know about all the different kinds of delicious foods you could make?
253. 13:43Like the Honey chipotle glazed chicken with poblano and lime rice.
254. 13:47Wiz: There's plenty to choose from since they offer 12 new recipes each week.
255. 13:51All you have to do is choose the two three or four that sound best to you and they deliver it right to your door.
256. 13:56Boomstick: Plus, it's super simple to cook.
257. 13:58It's got easy to follow instructions and perfectly proportioned ingredients.
258. 14:02They're non-gmo and the meat has no added hormones.
259. 14:05My favorite part is feeling like a master chef makin' creative and delicious meals with my own hands.
260. 14:11You guys really need to try it out.
261. 14:13Wiz: It's pretty nice coming home knowing I'll have a delicious meal I can whip up with these.
262. 14:18Boomstick: So check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free at Blueapron.com/Battle.
263. 14:24That's Blueapron.com/Battle to get your first three meals free.
264. 14:28But right now, IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
265. 14:49Mario: Hmm?
266. 14:50Hello?
267. 14:51That's-a-mine!
268. 14:53Sonic: Finders keepers, pal!
269. 14:57Whoa!
270. 15:01You asked for it, tubby!
271. 15:07Announcer: FIGHT
272. 15:14Sonic: You're too slow!
273. 15:25Mario: (screaming)
274. 15:28Sonic: Come here!
275. 15:59Oh, gimme a break!
276. 16:17Hyper Sonic: Now I'll show you!
277. 16:37Rainbow Mario: Let's-a-Go!
278. 17:01Sonic: Oh shoot.
279. 17:02Mario: Oh, Mama Mia!
280. 17:03(screaming)
281. 17:22So long-a hedgehog!
282. 17:24Sonic: (screaming)
283. 17:33Mario: Wahoo!
284. 17:34I'm the winner!
285. 17:38Announcer: KO
286. 17:38Boomstick: Whoa-ho ho!
287. 17:40How did that happen?
288. 17:41I know Nintendo won the console wars but I really seem to remember Sonic havin' this one in the bag.
289. 17:47Wiz: I'm sure Sonic could have won in specific circumstances,
290. 17:49but more times than not Mario takes the victory.
291. 17:52Keep in mind this analysis was done with a focus on the games in their closely tied media,
292. 17:57excluding alternate contrary sources like the Archie Comics or the Mario Bros. movie,
293. 18:01where Mario and Sonic are essentially entirely different characters from their gaming counterparts.
294. 18:05Boomstick: Sonic had speed in the bag (obviously),
295. 18:08but Mario was way too tough for him.
296. 18:10Wiz: Their top strength feats paint this picture very, VERY clearly.
297. 18:14Boomstick: But I know what you're thinkin':
298. 18:15"What good is Mario's strength if he couldn't even hit the Blue Blur?
299. 18:19He's way too fast, right?"
300. 18:20Wiz: Yes, and no.
301. 18:21While Mario obviously couldn't match Sonic's relativistic top running speeds,
302. 18:25he's moved efficiently as a bolt of electricity, and piloted the Star Diver.
303. 18:29Based on our calculations this puts him at the same level as Sonic's own reactionary feats.
304. 18:34Since Mario was tough enough to tank almost anything Sonic could throw at him,
305. 18:37it was only a matter of time before he tagged the Blue Blur with a deadly blow.
306. 18:41Boomstick: But what about Chaos Control?
307. 18:43Couldn't Sonic just stop time and take care of things whi-
308. 18:47Wiz: It's heavily implied he knows how to but Sonic has never actually used the Time Stop ability in canon.
309. 18:52Even then, Mario's Stop Watch does the same thing, putting them on equal footing.
310. 18:57Boomstick: Ugh don't do that!
311. 18:59Where's my wallet?
312. 19:00Wiz: Actually, most of Mario and Sonic power ups countered each other in this way;
313. 19:04Mario even had plenty of options for defending against Sonic's invincible super forms.
314. 19:08But Mario also had a much wider variety of power-ups, offering multiple ways to overpower Sonic.
315. 19:14For example, he could have frozen Sonic solid.
316. 19:16Boomstick: (screams)
317. 19:17Wiz: Or even turned him into gold.
318. 19:19His arsenal would always outlast Sonic's because he's been shown to carry more of them on his person.
319. 19:24Boomstick: O-oh god!
320. 19:26Ugh- I've seen things!
321. 19:28Wiz: But even then, Mario's durability blew Sonic's out of the water.
322. 19:32Even if we assume the 200 kiloton stalactite feat was entirely Sonic's doing,
323. 19:36Mario survived an explosion that was 12 times more powerful.
324. 19:40Simply put, Sonic didn't have a lot of viable options that could take Mario down for good.
325. 19:45Boomstick: I always knew Sonic was impressive,
326. 19:48but Mario is just ridiculous.
327. 19:50Probably that moustache.
328. 19:52Wiz: Sonic was obviously incredibly fast, but he couldn't compete with Mario's superior strength, durability and varied arsenal.
329. 19:59Boomstick: He got Mari-owned!
330. 20:01Wiz: (groans)
331. 20:02After a hundred episodes you still can't think of a good pun?
332. 20:05Boomstick: No, but now they can see me do this.
333. 20:07Aah!
334. 20:08Check it out, Wiz!
335. 20:09Wiz: The winner is Mario.
336. 20:13Ben: Thanks for watching our 100th DEATH BATTLE episode and props to Blind Ferret for that phenomenal battle animation.
337. 20:18Chad: To celebrate a hundred episodes we have a limited edition poster.
338. 20:20Which you can pick up likely in that box right over there.