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Manipulation Expert: How to Control Any Conversation & Spot Their Biggest Insecurity │Jack Neel — Transcript

by Jack Neel · 11,030 words · 1,599 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Chase Hughes, welcome to the Jack Neil
0:03podcast.
0:03>> Hey Jay.
0:05>> So, since we've just met each other and
0:06had a few minutes, I have a notepad
0:08here. And since you're a behavior
0:10expert, I was wondering if you could
0:12maybe write a few predictions about me
0:14just from interacting with me briefly in
0:16the past few minutes.
0:17>> What if I write down three of your
0:19biggest insecurities?
0:21>> That's a good one.
0:22>> And you don't have to read them on
0:23camera. You just got to say if they're
0:24accurate or not.
0:25>> Okay.
0:26>> And we'll we'll open it at the end. For
0:27the record, we have spoken for
0:29approximately 15 minutes.
0:31>> All right, there's number one. Number
0:33two, give me specific and I'll give you
0:36um give me a situation that you're in
0:38and I'll give you an insecurity in that
0:40situation.
0:41>> Um car.
0:42>> Uh for the third one, I'll write down
0:46the way that I know already that you use
0:49to escape from these first two. Yeah, we
0:52go for that. No one's ever done this.
0:56>> All right.
0:58and I'll sign it.
1:00>> We can just put that right there.
1:02Awesome. So, yeah, Chase has just made
1:04three predictions about my insecurities
1:07and uh one was how I deal with those
1:09insecurities and you haven't really
1:12asked me any questions uh to be able to
1:14know that. So, I'll be interested to see
1:16at the end of the podcast uh how that
1:17turns out. So just so you know just us
1:21talking right now um there's a lot that
1:24you can see on human beings and we can
1:26dig into that if you want to. I can tell
1:28you the methods uh that are apparent on
1:32most people.
1:33>> What can you tell about a person just by
1:34looking at their face?
1:37>> Quite a bit. So we spend most of our
1:39time in conversations looking at
1:41people's faces. Right. So that's that's
1:43where we always want to start teaching
1:44any kind of behavior reading or body
1:47language behavior profiling. The first
1:49thing that you you want to notice about
1:51a person's face is what are the lines
1:53that are etched into their face. So if
1:55you see somebody and this happens by the
1:57age of like 18 19, so it's not like
1:59lines from aging. This is lines from
2:02expression. So if someone's smiling all
2:04the time, I guarantee you've met people
2:06before. You'll see these little crows
2:08feet from a natural smile that are kind
2:10of etched because they live that life
2:12and they're kind of happy all the time.
2:15If somebody's angry all the time, you're
2:18going to see these two little muscles
2:20right here pulling together. This called
2:22the gloella. You're going to see kind of
2:23an etching right there. If somebody's
2:25really social, you're going to see more
2:27lines on the forehead develop because
2:29this our forehead is our social
2:31billboard and that's how we communicate
2:32emotion. So people are less likely to
2:36trust someone just instinctively if
2:38their forehead is covered up like your
2:40hair. But uh this is how we communicate
2:44like I enjoy your presence. Hello, good
2:47morning. If you raise your eyebrows when
2:50you talk to a person and you could try
2:51this as an experiment today. You're
2:53going in an airport here in a couple
2:54hours.
2:56If you just raise your eyebrows when you
2:58say hello, 90% of people will reflect
3:01back that eyebrow raise without knowing
3:03that they even did it. It's so
3:04instinctively programmed into human
3:06beings. So, you can see people who are
3:07naturally more social from the forehead,
3:09more enjoyment, uh, happiness driven
3:12from the crow's feet and the corner of
3:14the eyes. You can see anger right here.
3:16But one of the most profound things that
3:19I ever discovered was
3:22if you make a skeptical facial
3:24expression,
3:26the first thing it does is it raises
3:28your cheeks and compresses your lower
3:30eyelid. Like give it a shot really
3:32quick. Like somebody's feeding you
3:34[ __ ] It raises this up and kind of
3:35wrinkles the skin right here.
3:38So I thought if someone's spending a
3:40lifetime like thinking they're getting
3:42lied to or they're really skeptical
3:44that's going to etch onto the face. So I
3:47started experimenting with it and I
3:49thought this there's probably 20%
3:52effectiveness but it's more like a
3:54hundred and then I gave this information
3:57to two guys who are comedy hypnotists
4:00and maybe you've seen like a show or
4:02something. Um, but you know, they go on
4:04stage and bring people up and make them
4:06do crazy [ __ ] and all that. Um, and they
4:09have tested it with like between five to
4:1110,000 people and they said it's 100%.
4:14That people who wind up staying on stage
4:16and being highly suggestible have really
4:18smooth lower eyelids.
4:20>> Like I'm extremely suggestible to
4:22hypnosis and all that stuff. Look, see
4:24my eyelids have are totally smooth right
4:27there. you have somebody um your age,
4:31you still have like a le lower level of
4:33suggestability. So that would be factor
4:36two in the paper that we put together to
4:38write up on this. Um and that one we're
4:41still kind of figuring out, but so far
4:43it's between 90 and 100% accurate. Like
4:45the more suggestible someone is, the
4:46smoother their lower eyelids are going
4:48to be. And keep in mind there's this is
4:50not some published science. I haven't
4:52done any research. Well, scientific
4:54research on it, but it's anecdotal and
4:55I've seen so much proof, thousands and
4:58thousands of of repetitions.
5:00>> Is that something I have?
5:02>> You have an what would be called an LEF,
5:05lower eyelid factor 2, which means
5:07you're mildly suggestible. So, you have
5:10slight wrinkling there from kind of that
5:13expression over time.
5:15>> Interesting. So the next thing is and
5:18the most important thing that you can
5:19spot and this is for anybody if you're
5:22pitching, if you're negotiating, you can
5:24see it on a Zoom call is watching how
5:27often someone blinks. And this is one of
5:30the most powerful superpowers that you
5:32could you could ever have. So we call
5:35this blink rate and this is like how
5:38many times per minute a person is
5:39blinking and the average blink rate is
5:41between like 15 to 17 in a conversation
5:44for humans.
5:46If your blink rate starts going up,
5:48you're seeing stress in a person. So if
5:52we're in a conversation, let's say
5:53you're pitching a company or something
5:55and somebody asks you about your
5:56financial projections and your blink
5:58rate starts going through the roof as
5:59you're talking about all this money,
6:01that's a high stress response and that
6:04could be deceptive. But keep in mind,
6:06there's no behavior in human beings for
6:08deception. None. What we're looking for
6:10is a change or stress most of the time.
6:14So if I watch a person's blink rate go
6:17up, what I really want to understand is
6:19what's the context? What is what was
6:21just mentioned or talked about that that
6:23is making this change happen?
6:27So in a high stress scenario, you can
6:28see blink rate above 80 per minute. And
6:32in a low blink rate scenario, that's
6:35where we have focus. So, if someone's
6:38genuinely interested in a conversation,
6:40you'll see their blink rate drop almost
6:42to 3 to four per minute, which is a
6:45massive difference from four per minute
6:47to 80 per minute. And you can spot it
6:49from like 20 yards away. So, it's it's
6:53so easy to see stress and focus on a
6:56person. So, the last time you were
6:59really focused on like a movie that was
7:01really great, your blink rate was
7:02probably three or four. And the last
7:04time you were maybe doing something
7:06stressful like taking a math exam or
7:09doing something in school that stressed
7:10you out that your blink rate was
7:12probably 70 or 80. The cool thing is
7:16we're almost never aware of how often
7:20we're blinking. So it's so outside of
7:22our conscious awareness that we don't
7:24keep it under natural control all the
7:26time. And it's hard to control. So, I
7:28can look at any conversation like if you
7:30you look across an airport or a
7:32restaurant at two people talking, you
7:35can see who's more relaxed than the
7:36other person right away. And that's just
7:38looking at the eyes. So, we're just
7:39looking at face. This is not even the
7:41rest of the body. So, now we can see not
7:44just he has a high blink rate or a low
7:46blink rate. What we're really wanting to
7:48look for, if I'm teaching you to do this
7:50as a trial consultant or you're about to
7:52go select a jury or help a lawyer select
7:54a jury, you want to look for change. You
7:58don't want to look for, oh, it's high.
7:59Oh, it's low. I'm what I'm in the
8:02business of is spotting changes. So,
8:04this person behaved this way a few
8:06minutes ago and it just shifted to
8:08something else. So, if if I'm doing
8:10public speaking, I'm speaking on stage a
8:12lot and stuff like that.
8:14I'm making eye contact with people that
8:17are out in the crowd, the people that
8:18are sitting out there in the audience.
8:20And as I'm doing that, I'm looking at
8:23eyeballs so I can average the entire
8:25room's blink rate.
8:28So my job as a public speaker is to keep
8:30low blink rate as possible. That means
8:33focus is happening. So I'm looking out
8:35around the crowd and I see blink rates
8:38starting to go up. I'm seeing people
8:39blink more often. I know instantly that
8:42I'm losing attention. They're getting
8:44stressed out. They're thinking about
8:46lunch. So I'll raise my voice up higher.
8:48I'll walk to the other side of the
8:49stage. I'll clap my hands really loud or
8:51change the subject and automatically I
8:53start seeing blink rate go back down
8:54again because I've regenerated focus.
8:58And you can spot that in any
9:00conversation. And think about like if
9:02you want to ask someone a question about
9:04something that should not cause them
9:06stress, but you're seeing that blink
9:08rate goes up. That's a big deal. You're
9:10seeing it change to this high blink
9:12rate. So we teach this in jury selection
9:16and all that kind of stuff, but you
9:17don't have to count. And that's where
9:19that stresses a lot of people out. Like
9:21I'm sitting here counting how how often
9:23somebody's blinking. You practice just
9:25looking how often someone's blinking and
9:27saying that that looks pretty normal.
9:29That looks pretty slow. That looks
9:31pretty fast. So your job after that is
9:33is it increasing or decreasing. And if
9:36you want to persuade someone, you want
9:38to influence someone, your goal is to
9:41get them to blink less and less often.
9:43That means that they're gener you're
9:44generating more and more focus in them
9:47subconsciously.
9:48>> Does that make sense?
9:49>> Yeah.
9:50>> And the second thing is uh shutter
9:52speed. And the shutter speed is the
9:55speed of the eyelid closing and then
9:57opening back up again. So we see an
10:01increase in shutter speed with fear and
10:03we see a decrease in shutter speed with
10:05comfort.
10:07So when somebody is fully comfortable,
10:09let's say we start a conversation and
10:11all of a sudden I start talking about uh
10:14unpaid bills and I see someone's shutter
10:16speed increase and their blink rate
10:18starts going up. I know that that is a
10:20really hot topic for that person. I
10:21can't read their mind, but I know that
10:24I'm seeing a reaction based off of
10:26subject matter. Does that make sense?
10:29So, with the face, like just a couple of
10:31the things that you need to be on the
10:32lookout for, especially if you're
10:34dealing in business, negotiations, women
10:37going out on dates with like
10:38manipulative dudes and they need to spot
10:40it way sooner so that they don't get
10:42like sucked into some horrible vortex
10:46is lip compression. And this one is
10:49really easy to spot and it's a very
10:52universal thing across all cultures.
10:56Lip compression is when someone squeezes
10:58their lips together, you'll see like
11:00like that. And it usually means almost
11:03all the time withheld opinions.
11:07So like if we're talking and you're
11:09like, "Uh, Chase, how do you like the
11:10new thing that you that you just
11:12bought?" I'm like, "Oh, it's great."
11:15So you're seeing somebody withhold some
11:17kind of opinion. Not deception. It's not
11:19lying, per se. It's obviously based on
11:21the context, but it's really important
11:23to be able to say, "Oh, there's
11:25something being held back." It doesn't
11:26mean you need to dig it out or anything,
11:28but it's good as a data point to know
11:30that there's something here. If I'm in
11:32sales and I see lip compression, I know,
11:34look, I'm just not going to talk about
11:35that [ __ ] anymore. I'm not going to
11:36bring that that topic up anymore. If I'm
11:39in u an interrogation, I know I'm I may
11:43need to ask more questions about that
11:44thing. But it's very powerful to notice
11:48if you see when a topic's bringing being
11:50brought up, someone's listening and they
11:53do this lip compression behavior, it's
11:55most often withheld opinions or
11:57something being withheld emotion. And
12:00the other variation of this is lip
12:03retraction.
12:04And this is when the lip goes past the
12:06barrier of the teeth. So when you see
12:08the lip go like into the mouth or you
12:10see a finger go into the mouth,
12:12something passes the barrier of the
12:13teeth, it's a need for reassurance most
12:16of the time. So, and you'll see that
12:19like um I'll be calling someone up on
12:22stage or I'll do uh some kind of thing
12:25where I'm talking to a person and you'll
12:27see them do some kind of thing where
12:28something's going into their mouth. I'll
12:30you right away I know that that person
12:32needs some kind of reassurance and it is
12:34so powerful. It could it could
12:36drastically change how you react to
12:38people and how you communicate to
12:39people. It can make you a much better
12:40communicator. As you start seeing blink
12:43rate go up, I know I'm going to change
12:44the conversation to something cuz I know
12:46you're being stressed out. If I bring
12:48something up, I see lib compression. I
12:49know that there may be something there
12:51or I need to move off of this topic. Or
12:53if I'm in an interrogation, I need to
12:55dig in this topic. So that's just just
12:58looking at the face. Those are just a
13:00few things that we can start looking
13:01for.
13:03What else do you suspect uh you can tell
13:07but might not be 100% certain? You'd
13:10mentioned the eye thing wasn't proven
13:12through data, but is there anything
13:13else? Like uh I've heard a lot of people
13:16talk about physiogamy. Yeah. Like being
13:20able to tell based on like jaw structure
13:22and like nose structure, like tilt of
13:24eyes, like that type of stuff. Is that
13:26all [ __ ] or
13:27>> I think most of it's been discredited
13:29and disproven. And I think if it was
13:33if it was even proven to be 20%
13:36reliable, I would be like on I'd be on
13:38board. I'd say let's let's learn it and
13:41and add that to my stack of data.
13:43Because when I'm looking at a person,
13:44I'm not looking for one thing. I'm
13:46looking for a cluster of different
13:48things that will tell me one piece of
13:49information. Does that make sense?
13:51>> Yeah.
13:52So physomy started back u 17 I think in
13:57the late 1700s and they would make these
14:00models of the human head and based on
14:03where the lumps are on the skull they
14:05would say oh this is a high intelligence
14:07and this is a low intelligence and then
14:09they went into facial shapes and
14:11structures and
14:13I think 99% of that stuff has been
14:15discredited completely discredited but I
14:18will I will say as a caveat if I want to
14:21simulate. I want to do research on
14:23highstakes intelligence interrogations
14:26where we have like a detainee and an
14:27interrogator and I give a couple of
14:30college kids a lunch voucher to come up
14:33here and volunteer for an experiment and
14:35then they pronounce like, oh, we did
14:37research on interrogation. There is
14:39nothing
14:41nothing that a college can simulate that
14:44would be even remotely close to an
14:46intelligence interrogation scenario
14:48where their person's sleepdeprived.
14:50they're facing the death penalty if they
14:52give out information. You can't
14:54replicate a lot of human behavior in
14:57some college basement somewhere doing an
14:59experiment. So, it's very hard to
15:01quantify. And I think a lot of people
15:04make a terrible mistake of thinking that
15:07human behavior is a science and not just
15:09and not an art form because every human
15:11being is a little bit different.
15:13Everybody's got different background and
15:15different culture and different [ __ ]
15:16from their childhood kind of still kind
15:18of running the the little programs and
15:20stuff in the background. So treating it
15:23like it's geometry where we can just
15:25accurately predict everything and like
15:28relying solely on one psychology
15:30textbook and that's the source that's
15:32ground truth about every human being in
15:34the world. I think that that is a
15:36mistake. But I do think it is a blend of
15:39art and science. And I think what I do
15:41when it comes to behavior profiling is a
15:43lot like uh being a meteorologist. I
15:46have all these little data points. So
15:48this is likely what's going to happen.
15:51So we kind of we deal in likelihood
15:53instead of like this is the pronounced
15:55actual thing.
15:56>> What's the easiest way to make someone
15:57feel comfortable around you?
15:59>> Man, that's fantastic. Um,
16:03one of the fastest ways that a person
16:04gets to feel comfortable, there's a few
16:07different ways. Number one is that they
16:10see you as predictable and reliable.
16:14And so that starts with like this person
16:17a is not a threat. So not being a threat
16:20means I'm not facing a person headon.
16:23Like the way you and I are facing right
16:24now is nonadversarial.
16:27our brains are kind of wired to be a
16:29little bit more competitive when people
16:30are sitting directly facing head-on to
16:33each other. This is why uh in the bars
16:36back in even in the Old West, they they
16:38knew this. They didn't know really why,
16:41but they knew that I'm going to sit a
16:42bunch of dudes at a bar who are getting
16:44drunk.
16:46For them to be able to talk to each
16:47other, they have to see each other. So,
16:49let's put up a huge mirror on the back
16:52of the bar where they can look at each
16:53other without facing each other. So it
16:55it lowered the likelihood of fights
16:57taking place. So that would be number
17:00one is like am I in some kind of
17:02nonverbal position that creates some
17:05kind of adversarial
17:07thought process in their mamalian part
17:09of their brain.
17:10>> Is that specific to men though or
17:12>> Oh no no like if you uh women have the
17:16exact same uh fight orflight response.
17:18So like when another human, a woman or a
17:21man comes up and like facing directly
17:23onto that person, it triggers our brain
17:25to say this might be a conflict or
17:28confrontation. This might be something I
17:30have to deal with physically. So let me
17:32just explain like our brain
17:36has not changed in about 200,000 years.
17:39And we do not have a part of the brain
17:41dedicated a hierarchical structure of
17:44the brain dedicated to language. None.
17:49This is why like it takes babies years
17:51to start talking and speaking. We have
17:53to learn that. But a baby can walk. A
17:56baby can learn this sign language like
17:58milk and I want more. And we can do all
18:02of that because we have hierarchical
18:04structures for those things. But we do
18:06not for language. Language is relatively
18:08new to our species. So we rely on a lot
18:12of non-verbal communication, but we read
18:14other people at this gut level. or if
18:17it's a woman, it would be reading people
18:18with like some intuition or women's
18:21intuition is way better than men's in my
18:24opinion. But we read these micro
18:25movements first and the mamalian brain
18:27is what's truly in charge of a human
18:30being. So if I'm thinking I need to make
18:32someone comfortable, what most people
18:33would think is what are the words I need
18:35to say? And language is always above and
18:40beyond the least important thing uh in
18:42persuasion and influence. Least
18:44important. It's the last part of our
18:46brain that evolved. So, it's the least
18:48important thing. So, if you think of
18:53any sales team in the world, and I'm
18:56sure you've dealt with a lot of dudes
18:57who do like online sales, they have a
19:00sales team. Like our mutual friend
19:02Marcel has his own sales team. One of
19:05the biggest mistakes I've seen in since
19:07I've retired from the military and now I
19:09train a lot of sales teams around the
19:11country is they want a better sales
19:14script. That's it. So I show up and
19:16they're like, "Oh, we need different
19:17words." And I say, "If you paid me $10
19:21million and I developed the best sales
19:23script on planet Earth in the history of
19:25humankind and gave it to one of your
19:28salespeople that has social anxiety,
19:30it's the crappiest sales script in the
19:32world, and you're going to blame it on
19:34the script. I can give you every single
19:36word to say, but if you're not
19:38communicating the right signals
19:40nonverbbally,
19:42those words are meaningless. they're
19:44they have no effect. So it's so
19:46important that we understand my ability
19:49to make another person comfortable is
19:52nonverbal. 90% non-verbal. So it's how
19:55am I approaching that person?
19:58So making someone comfortable and making
20:00someone trust you about the same thing.
20:03And then we get into authority. Are you
20:04an authority figure? So you can be
20:07dominant but not doineering.
20:10You could be in control but not
20:12controlling.
20:13But you do this all non-verbbally. Are
20:15you in charge of yourself? Do you have
20:17high self-confidence? Do you uh present
20:20a non-threatening uh body language and
20:22and demeanor? And one of the the best,
20:25most powerful ways to start
20:28communicating that is by communicating
20:30with your palms open. And this is
20:32proven. There's even a TED talk about it
20:35by a good friend of mine named Mark
20:36Bowden. And uh he's on the Behavior
20:39Panel YouTube channel with us. We cover
20:41a lot of true crime body language
20:42breakdowns and stuff. If you watch this
20:44TED talk, it's fascinating. But as a as
20:46a quick post-it note summary of what
20:49this means is while you're speaking, if
20:52you're speaking with your arms and hands
20:55at naval height, so like even with your
20:57belly button and your palms open, when
20:59you're making these important points in
21:02what you're saying, people are like 10x
21:04more likely to believe you and trust you
21:06and trust in what you say just by having
21:09these open poems. And you can
21:11demonstrate it so quickly and so easily.
21:14Like even in a seated position, if I'm
21:16sitting here like this and I'm covering
21:17my genitals right now, which is a fear
21:19response when people lie or when they're
21:22scared or when they're really fearful
21:23about what they're saying or what
21:25they're experiencing, right? And I say,
21:27"Jack, you can trust me. It feels
21:30weird."
21:31>> So if I cover my abdomen, because we
21:33don't have bones right here to protect
21:34organs, right? So one of the things we
21:36do when we're fearful is put bones where
21:38there aren't any bones. So, we'll kind
21:40of cover this abdomen. Women are more
21:41likely to do it. But I say, "Jack, you
21:43can trust me." Or if we're talking like
21:45this, and I say, "Jack, you can trust
21:47me." It It feels different in your brain
21:51cuz we have this hard wiring to see this
21:53openness, this open non-verbal
21:56communication. It feels completely
21:57different. And Mark Bowden calls this
21:59the truth plane where people are just
22:01way more likely to accept what you say
22:04or believe you. And in reality, making
22:07someone comfortable is about having
22:10confidence that's actually contagious.
22:13That when somebody has confidence that's
22:15artificial, it makes other people feel
22:17small. If your confidence is genuine and
22:20you're you're not faking confidence out
22:22of ego, that's what makes people small.
22:25But if I'm truly confident, it should
22:27make other people confident. even if
22:29they have social anxiety, even if
22:30they're stressed out, I have a calm
22:32demeanor and enough composure that my
22:35confidence I have enough that I can
22:37transfer to other people. If you talk
22:39about persuasion and influence, whether
22:41you're a cult recruiter or an
22:43interrogator or a parent uh trying to
22:46raise a kid, you want your confidence to
22:48be contagious. Your number one goal is
22:50to transfer my level of confidence to
22:53that other person so they can make a
22:55decision. I want to increase their
22:57confidence. So that's the number one
22:59thing is having confidence to the point
23:01where it's transferable to the other
23:03person.
23:04>> I wanted to touch on what you said a
23:05minute ago about the uh like crotch
23:07exposure. Uh just because there was this
23:10interview a few days ago with Trump and
23:11Zalinsky and people were commenting on
23:13the fact that uh Trump was kind of
23:15covering his genitals and Zillinsky was
23:17like sitting like this. So like what
23:19does that mean? like uh like you're
23:22hiding something if you're covering your
23:23crotch or like what what's kind of the
23:25thing there?
23:25>> There's going to be a lot of body
23:26language experts out there. Somehow I
23:28got voted the number one body language
23:30expert in the world on this like global
23:32gurus thing. They stopped put they
23:34stopped that category. I think maybe a
23:36lot of the votes were my mom going on
23:38there. But in reality, what a lot of
23:41these experts are going to say are he
23:44did this so this might mean this. But
23:48what you won't hear them say is talking
23:50about changes, which we already talked
23:53about. When did that happen? How long
23:56did it stay that way? And when did it
23:58open back up again? So, what was the
24:00moment that happened when the movement
24:01took place of that genital protection
24:04behavior? And there's probably a few
24:07still frames you could get where
24:08Zilinsky is covering his abdomen,
24:11covering his crotch. There's you can get
24:13still shots to to mean anything that you
24:16want them to mean.
24:17But what we really need to pay attention
24:19to is the change. So I didn't I actually
24:23haven't watched it. It's just stressful
24:24and I just choose not to watch anything
24:27negative or weird. I just don't expose
24:29my brain to it. But in any situation,
24:32you can cherrypick little pieces of data
24:35until you turn on the job of I'm looking
24:38for changes to behavior. And that's the
24:41number one thing. So it it I would say
24:44that there's some people out there that
24:46will say, "Oh, Zalinsky was confident.
24:48Trump was not." Maybe the whole
24:50interview didn't look like that. I don't
24:51know. If the whole interview was like
24:53that and his hands were like covering
24:54his crotch the whole time, I would say
24:56there's some insecurity. Men will will
24:58kind of do this behavior of covering
25:00their their genitals. And women during
25:03three key periods, that's feeling
25:04vulnerable, feeling threatened, or
25:06feeling insecure. Those three. And women
25:09instead of covering the crotch will
25:11usually put an arm across their abdomen
25:14and they'll cover the uterus.
25:16And you'll see this that um I can't
25:19remember where this was this research
25:20was done but uh young girls going to
25:24college for the first time. So they're
25:25in this new environment.
25:27Uh the first like 8 to nine days I think
25:30of school they would carry their books
25:32and stuff in front of their abdomen. And
25:34the more socially comfortable they got
25:36with everybody, the books will be
25:37carried a little bit lower and lower and
25:38lower and then down at the side.
25:40>> Uh, and men are likely to do the same
25:43thing. So, we'll kind of pull our arms
25:44in when we're feeling those moments. But
25:47always think about the change like when
25:50is it happening? So, the movement.
25:51There's so many body language experts
25:53out there that speak about body language
25:56like it's a still image. And I've never
25:59understood that because of when I first
26:01started learning, I thought, "Oh, this
26:03is a I learned by looking at pictures in
26:04a book. I'm like, still image, still
26:06image." And I know what that means if I
26:08see it. I don't I need to look for the
26:10change to that behavior when someone
26:13moves to that behavior. So, if if you
26:15see Trump covering his genitals the
26:17whole time, I would say there's a pretty
26:20good bet there's vulnerable, threatened,
26:21or insecure. It's one of those three
26:23things. I mean, you've been on a lot of
26:25podcast and and a lot of high stakes
26:27negotiations. How do you get what you
26:29want out of an interaction?
26:31>> Okay. So, number one, I need to figure
26:34out what my desired outcome is. So, I
26:37need to go in there with an outcome in
26:40mind. And a lot of people don't. And
26:42every conversation, you should have an
26:44outcome. I want this person to feel
26:45great. Could be an acceptable outcome.
26:48But right off the bat, you want to get
26:51them to start making identity
26:53agreements. And this is just kind of a
26:55little micro class of things that you
26:57can do. Identity agreements means that
27:00you get them to either verbally or in
27:02their own head say, "I am the type of
27:05person who fill in the blank."
27:08So what I've teach in sales and even in
27:11interrogations is
27:14if we start a conversation and I say,
27:18you know, Jack, there are so many
27:20podcasters out there who are just have
27:22this rigorous structure that they have
27:24to follow and it's kind of nauseating to
27:28be on the podcast. So I'm glad I'm in
27:29here with you today. I didn't say
27:31anything about you, but I got you to
27:33mentally agree that you are not one type
27:36of person.
27:37Do you see how quickly that starts to
27:39that can start compounding really quick?
27:42So, if I walked in here like that, I
27:44could I might be able to get you to not
27:46pull out your iPad, to not do anything.
27:48Does that make sense so far? So, I've
27:52just say there's so many people who do X
27:54behavior. I'm glad that it's you and me
27:57here today. I'm glad that you and I are
27:59talking. I'm getting you to agree that
28:02you are not that type of person.
28:05And imagine if I had come in here and
28:08I'll just use you and me as an example
28:09if that's all right with you.
28:10>> Yeah, for sure.
28:12>> Imagine if I like uh when I came into
28:14the studio today, I was down in this
28:16little parking lot area. You were up
28:18this up the stairs and as I was walking
28:21up the stairs, I said, "Dude, I was just
28:22watching your podcast. It is so
28:26refreshing to see somebody who is a
28:30podcaster and can still do whatever I
28:33say. I can make sure that you'll
28:35probably do that or act that way on the
28:37show because I've I didn't get you to
28:39agree to an idea. I got you to agree to
28:42an identity.
28:44>> And identity is the strongest way to
28:46influence a human being to get them to
28:47agree to who they are as a person. So
28:49let's say I wanted you to be more open
28:52and vulnerable about yourself. So, I
28:54walk I'm walking up these stairs and I'm
28:56like, "Dude, I just finished watching
28:58your podcast and like so many podcasters
29:00are so closed off and just they push
29:04these barriers up and they they try to
29:05fake every fake their way through
29:07podcast." So, it's really rare to see
29:08somebody who is just genuinely open and
29:11authentic. So, I really appreciate it. I
29:13didn't say that that was you,
29:16but your head said it was you. But if I
29:19say you are this kind of person and you
29:21and I give you these direct compliments,
29:23your brain feels like it's being
29:25influenced. Your brain feels like
29:26there's some manipulation going on. But
29:28if I take that out, I'm taking away your
29:30ability to really scrutinize what I'm
29:32saying because I'm just making a
29:33generalized statement
29:36even though I'm getting you to say yes,
29:38that is me. Does that make sense?
29:40>> Yeah. And another way, and this is just
29:43like the first beginning of a
29:44conversation,
29:46and let's say I said, you know, Jack, I
29:47just watch your watched your podcast. I
29:49I got to tell you, man, as a behavior
29:52guy, I'm wondering like, how did you get
29:54this open and just completely raw and
29:57able to share all your feelings at at
30:00your age? I think I was like 30 until I
30:02got that open with other people. And the
30:04moment that you start answering that
30:06question,
30:07you're agreeing to an identity verbally.
30:10Now I've got you to verbally agree to an
30:11identity. And most of the time, like if
30:14you just memorize that one phrase, if
30:16like you want a quick oneliner, which I
30:18hate uh these little scripts and stuff,
30:20but ask somebody like how did you get
30:24this open with other people? Have you
30:26always been this way or is this
30:27something you had to work on? I know I
30:29had social anxiety. I had to work on it.
30:32So, I'm curious about something and then
30:34I make an admission
30:36and it makes the admission look more
30:38honest if I touch my chest.
30:41>> And you probably notice the feeling of
30:42like this looks a lot more genuine. My
30:44eyebrows going up. I'm kind of touching
30:46my chest, making an admission. And the
30:49moment that you start answering that,
30:50I'm I'm I'm nailing down what you're
30:53allowed to do with me in the future.
30:56So, I'm I'm removing the possibility
30:58that you're going to be more holding
31:01back. I'm not completely eliminating it,
31:04but I'm lessening that likelihood. So,
31:06every moment in a conversation is about
31:09crafting the likelihood of the behaviors
31:11that are going to follow.
31:12>> Yeah. I I I'm really interested in the
31:14identity thing. I will say like
31:16researching you uh the past couple
31:19weeks, I've like that's been my biggest
31:22takeaway by far. like that seems to be
31:24the root of most conflicts between
31:26people. Like uh essentially if you have
31:29an opinion that I disagree with, it's
31:31more so I don't want to have the
31:33identity of the person that would agree
31:35with that opinion. And that's where we
31:36see like this uh like bifurcation of
31:40politics like between liberals and
31:41conservatives. It's more so that people
31:43want to identify with that side of the
31:46aisle more so than actually live out
31:49what that opinion looks like. Um, I
31:52guess what I want to ask you about
31:54utilizing the identity or just in terms
31:56of getting what you want out of a
31:57conversation, say this podcast for
32:00instance, uh, I might have to, uh, cut
32:04it a bit short in a couple hours because
32:06I have a flight to make. How would you
32:09kind of go about, uh, if you really
32:12wanted to be on here for like 5 hours
32:13with me? like how would you steer the
32:15conversation in a way without like any
32:17sort of bribe or anything to make that
32:19happen?
32:20>> Yeah. So, let's start from the me being
32:21in the parking lot like I was this
32:23morning. So, for reference, like we're
32:25on the second floor of a building,
32:26there's an outdoor staircase. I'm
32:28standing out there and you kind of came
32:29out and said, "Hey," and that was like,
32:31"Let's start with that." So, the moment
32:34I'm walking up the stairs, I say I'll
32:37say the exact same intro. and say,
32:39"Jack, I just watched a couple of your
32:41podcasts yesterday to get ready for
32:42this, and I was just on the on the way
32:44over here. I was watching this one with
32:47this other guy, and I got to say, man,
32:49this is there are so many podcast hosts
32:52out there who just rush and rush to get
32:55something over with. And it's it's kind
32:58of disgusting because it's like this
32:59mechanistic process where people just
33:01want to churn out content where they've
33:03got [ __ ] to do, so they end the podcast
33:05early and they do all these things. they
33:07don't really prioritize their guest and
33:08you do like it's amazing that I I I go
33:12on so many podcasts and there's nobody
33:14that really prioritizes getting
33:15everything that they can from a guest
33:17and I really appreciate that you do
33:18that. So it was framed as a compliment
33:21but you you've agreed that you are a
33:23certain type of person at this moment.
33:26>> That would have at least got you 15 more
33:27minutes. [laughter]
33:29>> And that's just the beginning.
33:31Um, and so right away that so I didn't
33:35get you to agree to an idea. I got you
33:37to agree that you're a certain type of
33:39person. And this is in the first 30
33:42seconds. Uh, influencing someone long
33:46term is more is not just like, hey, let
33:48me just keep hacking away at this
33:50identity. There's ideas that come in
33:52there, too. And what I did there is
33:55called a negative dissociation. So, and
33:58this is part of a NCI, the system that I
34:00teach government and and people all over
34:03the world is called NCI, neurocognitive
34:05intelligence. And one of the methods in
34:07there is called negative dissociation.
34:10So, I I don't want you to have a certain
34:12trait. And so, all I'll do is talk
34:14negatively about a certain group of
34:16people and how they have this trait.
34:18Right? So, let's let's say now we're
34:21inside. Uh, I've already said that first
34:24thing to you. And then I say like,
34:27you know, you've been doing podcasts a
34:29while. You've got a million subscribers
34:30now on uh YouTube. And
34:34I'm just amazed at how many douchebags
34:37there are out there hosting podcasts
34:39nowadays. And I'm really excited to come
34:42here because every time I've sat with
34:44one of these people, I've been on a lot
34:45of podcasts. Every time I sit down with
34:47one of these people, it's like they have
34:49a clock ticking down and they have to
34:52just pay attention to the clock and it's
34:54almost like I'm sitting with a doctor
34:56who doesn't give a [ __ ] about me. So now
34:58I've given you a scenario that that your
34:59brain has automatically got a relation
35:01to, right? So I've putting a picture in
35:03your head, a negative one, and it's just
35:07really mechanistic. And I've seen so
35:10many of your shows and I it's good to be
35:12with somebody who is willing to stick
35:14around and like get the full story when
35:16they need to do that. Now that's
35:18identity again. So you could keep going
35:21down a hill and if you keep doing it
35:25over and over using the same technique,
35:27it's going to be very obvious and it's
35:28going to be like, "Oh, why is he why
35:30does he keep saying this shit?" So from
35:33identity, I want to go to expectancy.
35:37So if if you have confidence and you
35:39have authority, you can create
35:40expectancy.
35:41So priming is another the identity and
35:45then priming. So priming is setting the
35:48stage every moment of
35:51a conversation. We're getting the
35:52person's brain ready for the next thing
35:54that's going to happen. And a lot of
35:56people are like, I'm just going to read
35:57the script and then the sale is going to
35:59happen. The sale happens like in starts
36:01at the first 5 seconds, right? So the
36:04next one is priming. I'm going to start
36:06putting in small seeds of thoughts in
36:09your head and to to discuss this like to
36:12understand the concept of priming. They
36:15did uh and I'm no expert on this study
36:18or anything. I'm going to probably
36:19butcher this. They did this study where
36:22people were taking a word search puzzle
36:25and in the group they put these words in
36:29the puzzle that were in that were
36:31loosely related to old age.
36:34Florida, wrinkle, pain, retirement, all
36:38of this. Like there's probably 10 or 15
36:40words in there. I can't remember them
36:41all. But just after taking just after
36:45being exposed to those words for a few
36:47minutes, the speed that they exited the
36:50testing room and walked down the hallway
36:52was reduced by like somewhere near 30
36:5440%. So they started walking slower just
36:58cuz they were exposed to these words.
37:00And
37:02if you have an outcome in mind, the
37:04number one thing you need to do is prime
37:06that person to think of that outcome.
37:10Does that make sense?
37:11>> Yeah.
37:11>> So we're
37:14none of these techniques work very well
37:16unless you have authority and you have
37:17confidence.
37:19So when we're talking about these
37:21techniques, these are language like we
37:22talked about. It's the least least
37:24important thing. And
37:28so right after that, I would ask if
37:30you're on the clock and then how
37:31flexible you are. And I would talk about
37:33time and how time can be flexible. And I
37:36would I would mention how I changed my
37:37flight just a few days ago and it was
37:39really easy and it didn't really impact
37:41my trip very much. Just bringing these
37:44subjects up on a very regular basis.
37:46There's a ton of techniques we could
37:48talk about if we have like a specific
37:50scenario, anything or or interrogation
37:52if you want to, but
37:54there are so many things that go back to
37:57non-verbal behavior and authority that I
38:00would I feel like just talking about the
38:02linguistics, which we could all day
38:04long. We could go way into linguistics
38:06and how to use confusion and
38:07deliberately confuse somebody's brain
38:09and all of that kind of stuff. But the
38:11base of that pyramid, the base of
38:13whether or not I accomplish what I want
38:15to do is going to be a a result of
38:19do I have authority? Do I have uh enough
38:22confidence and and presence to get that
38:26thing done? And if you want to, we can
38:28break down the linguistics or the
38:30authority. I'll let you choose where you
38:31want to go.
38:31>> Linguistics.
38:32>> Okay. So, let's talk about um how
38:36linguistics work in the brain. We we
38:39don't have an evolutionary part of our
38:40brain for language. We have these two
38:42things in our brain called the Broca's
38:43area and the Warick's area where we kind
38:45of process language. When it comes to
38:48linguistics,
38:49the first thing that you want to be
38:51aware of is how we're directing that
38:54person's attention. So, can I capture a
38:57person's focus and can I lead a person's
38:59focus? If I'm speaking in a way that is
39:02not direct and doesn't capture focus,
39:04then I'm already losing persuasion. you
39:06could read all these cool scripts, all
39:07these cool books. If you don't have the
39:09social skills to speak well and and
39:11really captivate somebody's attention,
39:13you're not going to do it. So, one of
39:16the most common that people learn when
39:19it comes to linguistics is these
39:22statements that are called Milton
39:24statements or salad statements or
39:26whatever, but they're kind of
39:28presumptive. So, a person can is a
39:32beginning of one of those. I can insert
39:35anything I want after that and help your
39:37brain to start picturing it and
39:38imagining it. So if I'm communicating in
39:41a way that is vivid, then I'm painting
39:43pictures in your head, which means that
39:46the mammal part of your brain can
39:47understand it. If my words are not
39:49creating pictures in your head and I'm
39:51not interesting enough or I'm not
39:53generating enough focus, then I don't
39:54translate what I'm saying into the
39:56mamalian brain. So, a person can let's
39:59say I want you to forget about the time
40:02and you could just put that into a
40:05sentence and I want I want to kind of
40:07start injecting these thoughts into your
40:09head earlier on without you knowing that
40:11it's happening. I would say some kind of
40:13phrase where I could inject that into a
40:15sentence. So, a person can So, let's say
40:17I was uh I walk in here, we're talking
40:20about you were asking me about the you
40:22know the Joe Rogan podcast and I was
40:24like, "Yeah, man. It's amazing how fast
40:26a person can completely lose track of
40:28time.
40:30Or I could say it's amazing how it's so
40:33easy to just completely forget about the
40:35time for a few hours.
40:37So what I did was a I inserted a small
40:40pause before I told you what I wanted
40:42you to do. U and you could ask me
40:44anything. So let's say I wanted you to
40:46extend the podcast a few hours or cancel
40:48your flight or whatever, which we can't
40:49do because I've got an appointment a
40:51little bit later. I want to insert those
40:53phrases and if I say completely forget
40:57about the time. Let's say that that's
40:58what I want you to do. Completely forget
41:00about the time. As I'm talking, I'm
41:03saying like m just name any random
41:06subject and I'll show you exactly how
41:07you can weave it into any conversation.
41:09Any subject you want technology.
41:12>> All right. And I was in Best Buy the
41:13other day looking at these laptops and
41:15they're making so many of these advances
41:17and they have so many things that you
41:19can look at. It's amazing how easy it is
41:21to completely lose track of time.
41:26Make sense so far?
41:27>> Mhm.
41:27>> Okay. [clears throat]
41:28Um, and now to get you to want to have
41:32the podcast with me longer, we'll we'll
41:34cover another technique and this and you
41:36can this is called embedded commands
41:38that a lot of you you can look it up
41:40anywhere on the internet. So the before
41:42we move to this next technique is the
41:44rules of the this embedded command
41:46technique where you're hiding language
41:48inside of language is I'm going to pause
41:51before and after and the command itself
41:55like what I'm injecting or hiding into
41:56my language has to be able to stand
41:59alone as a sentence. So
42:02for example I can't say it let's say I
42:05want you to
42:07I want to get you to relax. That's it. A
42:10lot of people would say, "Yeah, it was a
42:11really completely relaxing journey."
42:15Completely relaxing is not a sentence.
42:18Completely relax is a sentence. It's a
42:21statement of telling someone to do
42:23something. So that's the difference. So
42:25the biggest mistake most people make is
42:26that they don't pause and they're using
42:29ing words when they should be using
42:32direct commands. Mhm.
42:34>> And ideally, if if you get more advanced
42:37at this, you should be able to clip the
42:39sound bite of someone saying the hidden
42:41part, and it should sound like they're
42:43speaking an independent sentence. Does
42:46that make sense? So, it should be a
42:48command hidden within it. And then, uh,
42:51we get into like ambiguities.
42:54Uh, so let's dive into ambiguities and
42:56then gestures and how gestures can can
42:58play into this. Um, so give me something
43:01you would want someone to feel like. Uh
43:03let's go into
43:05connection. Okay.
43:08So give me any random scenario and I
43:11will show you how we can in inject
43:13language into that scenario using this
43:15phrase of uh feeling connected.
43:20>> Um you go to Starbucks and order with
43:23your barista.
43:25>> Yeah. Okay. And what are we talking
43:28about? Give me any topic and I'll show
43:30you how easy it is to weave into
43:32anything just on the fly.
43:34>> Like what new coffee they have at
43:36Starbucks.
43:36>> Okay.
43:37>> Yeah.
43:38>> Um so the first thing I'll my time is
43:41limited with this barista. So the first
43:44thing is I want to establish her focus.
43:47So I'm going to do one small thing and
43:50I'm going to say something like you know
43:51it's absolutely fascinating. And very
43:54covertly I'm pointing at myself as I'm
43:56saying the word fascinating to start off
43:58the sentence to try to associate myself
44:00with the word fascinating so I can just
44:02buy myself a tiny bit more focus so that
44:05she'll bite onto the next sentence. So
44:08when time is super limited it's a lot
44:11more difficult. But u we're at
44:14Starbucks. We're talking about all the
44:15is it coffees that you said? All the
44:17coffees. Yeah. So there's so many
44:18coffees here to choose from. I I
44:20remember watching this documentary
44:22about these coffee makers and it is
44:25incredible how much they take care of
44:27each other. It's a rare moment when
44:29somebody can feel completely connected
44:32to another person.
44:35So, did you hear that piece? Feel
44:37completely connected. And if you cut the
44:38audio out of what I just said, it sounds
44:40like I'm saying an independent sentence.
44:43On top of that, my hand as I was saying
44:45the word feel completely connected was
44:47going back and forth between you and I.
44:49Does this make sense so far?
44:51>> Yeah. I just I I want to comment that it
44:53feels very hypnotic. Uh and I've noticed
44:56that about your speech this whole time
44:58and I know you're trained in hypnotism,
44:59but spending time with Marcel is just I
45:02I'm picking up on like I'm getting into
45:04trance just listening to you speak.
45:06>> Have people commented about that?
45:09>> Yeah. Yes. But most of the most of the
45:11time it's people who have listened to
45:12these MP3s that I have. They're for free
45:15to make your confidence better, to
45:17increase your uh mental well-being and
45:19all of that kind of stuff. So they
45:21they're like going to sleep every night
45:22listening to my voice doing like very
45:25overt hypnosis like to get them to
45:28sleep. And then I've noticed they come
45:30to like a training session or something
45:32with me in person. I've got a little mic
45:34on. There's speakers in the room and
45:35I'll say just the word like sleep.
45:37>> Yeah. I've almost felt it on that. I was
45:40hoping that you wouldn't do it.
45:41[laughter]
45:43>> Uh and like I've my first time I ever
45:45did it, there was a guy who'd been
45:46listening to me for like nine months
45:48straight every time he went to bed and I
45:50said that swword uh and he just just
45:53fell out fell out of his chair. Uh so I
45:57had to be really careful. So let's add
45:59on to this technique a little bit.
46:02So, whatever we're talking about, we can
46:04talk about picking out carpet and how
46:06someone can feel completely connected.
46:08And I could be talking about an
46:10electrician coming to my house and
46:11fixing wires. And it's amazing when that
46:14connection finally happens when he's
46:17putting these wires together. But I'm
46:18saying the words independently and I'm
46:20saying them with this back and forth
46:22gesture as I'm talking about connection.
46:24But now I want to say I want to hide the
46:26sentence uh feel completely connected
46:30now with me. And I want to disguise that
46:33in speech. Have you ever heard this
46:34before?
46:35>> It's pretty bizarre.
46:37>> But I'm going to I'm going to be
46:38ambiguous about where the period is and
46:40where the comma is in these sentences.
46:43So in essence, I'm going to say the
46:45sentence like feel completely connected.
46:48Period. Now, with me when I start
46:52exploring things, but I'm going to I'm
46:54going to tie those together. So, give me
46:56another topic and I'll and I'll roll
46:58with it. Random
46:59>> toothbrush.
47:00>> Okay. Uh I always use my toothbrush and
47:03I cuz I remember this dentist I had when
47:05I was a kid. He was the only guy that
47:07really genuinely cared about me. He was
47:10the most kind person uh that I ever met.
47:13And it's so rare when you can feel
47:16completely connected. Now with me, the
47:19way I see it is we develop relationships
47:22differently, especially as kids. And
47:24then I'll just roll off on another
47:26sentence. But if you clipped out what I
47:28said, feel completely connected now with
47:31me. And I isolated that in my speech.
47:35Make sense so far? Um,
47:39there was a thing back in the '9s where
47:42these guys would kind of come up with a
47:44lot of these ambiguities and stuff and
47:49they are powerful, but they become
47:51powerful not not because someone uses
47:53them in isolation.
47:55You're not going to just say u you're
47:58not going to sneak the phrase buy this
47:59Bugatti uh like into a paragraph and
48:02somebody's magically going to go spend a
48:04bazillion dollars on a car. They have to
48:07be paired with confidence, authority,
48:09and and leadership and a a true belief
48:12in what you're saying and self-esteem
48:15and all of that. If you use all these
48:17language techniques and you have
48:19crippling self-doubt and all of this
48:21stuff, you have to work on that other
48:22stuff first. A lot of people get wrapped
48:25around these little language techniques
48:27because it it gives you a placebo. It's
48:30like, "Oh, I know I know a trick now." M
48:32>> u but they're not that effective unless
48:35you're using them in a really I would
48:37say a really confident way. So to expand
48:40on the the language aspect of this. So
48:43confidence is probably one of those
48:46things that's such a critical element
48:48and if we could dip into confidence
48:50really quick. The number one mistake in
48:53my lifetime training these CEOs, the
48:56intelligence folks, all of these people
48:58to develop confidence. It has nothing to
49:00do with your standing o over anyone
49:03else. It has nothing to do with other
49:06people. The moment that you make it
49:08about how it like it how it deals with
49:10other people, it's not confidence
49:11anymore. It's hierarchy. And those are
49:14two different things. So people think
49:16about confidence and it's like, oh, I
49:17have to be more than other people. The
49:20biggest mistake is comparing me to other
49:22people. And that's that what I call
49:25hierarchical thinking. And the people
49:27make these mistakes because they view
49:30themselves as, well, if I'm confident, I
49:32need to be above this person. Or they're
49:34scanning the room to see who's in
49:35charge, who's subordinate. And what's
49:37truly powerful about this, and this
49:39sounds like it's a like a hippie bumper
49:42sticker, but are you willing to get to a
49:44point where you treat everybody the
49:46same, that you meet you go to meet a a
49:50business billionaire for a a sales pitch
49:53or you're talking to your Uber driver
49:54and you're the exact same. You have the
49:57same level of confidence because you're
49:59never thinking in hierarchy and status.
50:02And as Americans, especially living in
50:04the west, we are programmed to see
50:06hierarchy and status. And the two main
50:09goals of advertising, number one is to
50:11make you compare yourself to other
50:12people. Number two is to make you think
50:14I am not enough. So get that statement
50:16into your head. The identity statement
50:18of I am not enough.
50:20So we get programmed from such a young
50:23age with these commercials and
50:24advertising and now it's social media is
50:26just insane.
50:29If you kind of back your way out of that
50:31hierarchical thinking and comparing
50:32yourself to other people, you have the
50:35most transformative experience when it
50:37comes to confidence because confidence
50:39has nothing to do with anyone else. It's
50:43not about anybody else. It's about me.
50:46It's about do I have confidence in this
50:49situation?
50:50And the fastest way that I've ever seen
50:53to develop confidence and I have a a
50:55free hypnosis on our website you can
50:57download. It's you can listen to it
50:59every night. I have thousands of
51:01testimonials that has changed people's
51:03life. But the fastest way to develop
51:06confidence is to develop a comfort with
51:09the possibility of social injury.
51:13And that's just am I willing to be
51:16embarrassed? Am I willing to say
51:17something um that's on my mind that
51:20might might cause some judgment?
51:22Someone's going to judge me. So that
51:24fear of judgment is also kind of
51:27hierarchical thinking like they are
51:30going to judge me which will put put me
51:31down. So if your confidence is coming
51:34from how your environment is then you're
51:37going to always need something that
51:39which is not confidence at all at all.
51:42So when we're talking about confidence
51:43it's self-confidence not not environment
51:46confidence not Jack confidence Jack
51:48doesn't help me to feel confident. Um,
51:51but we're we become no longer dependent
51:54on the environment or who we're around
51:56or what happened. We just become
51:58comfortable with that injury.
52:01>> And the second element is I develop this
52:05this mindset, this world view of things
52:08are generally going to work out fine.
52:10Things are probably going to be okay.
52:12And if I if I'm my genuine belief is and
52:16not just a thought that I have, not like
52:18a post-it note I put on my bathroom
52:20mirror and read as an affirmation every
52:22day, but I develop this hardcore
52:24internal belief that things will work
52:26out pretty much okay. Number two is this
52:29fundamental worldview shift of I'm okay
52:32to receiving social injury and I'm not
52:34I'm never using hierarchy and status to
52:37look at the world ever again. It is such
52:39a drastic change and you're it's
52:42exhausting living in the other reality
52:44where I'm I'm
52:47deeply concerned with the environment
52:49and I need things to be perfect for me
52:51to feel confident or to feel okay with
52:54with talking or saying something that's
52:56on my mind or being vulnerable around
52:58another person.
52:59>> So, does confidence come from
53:01competence?
53:03>> I don't think so at all. If you watch um
53:07what is that movie? Catch me if you can.
53:09Have you seen it?
53:10>> I think so. I think I know what you're
53:11talking about.
53:12>> It's a Leo DiCaprio playing a guy uh
53:16Frank Abagnail is his real name. It's
53:18It's a true story where he like puts on
53:21this pilot outfit and starts flying free
53:24around the entire country. Um, it's a
53:28fabulous movie and I don't know if you
53:31do like overlays when people are talking
53:32about stuff, but a couple of these
53:34scenes like he's walking with all these
53:36uh flight attendants
53:38uh then he pretends to be a doctor like
53:41a surgeon. Then he pretends to be a
53:43lawyer. So he kind of assumes all these
53:45identities. He has zero competence.
53:49Zero. Uh but everyone believes him
53:52because he is so self- assured. He's not
53:55looking to other people for his
53:56confidence. It's it's an internal thing.
53:59And that's where the term con man came
54:01from. It's confidence. So their
54:04confidence was so high that it became
54:06contagious. So I believe it so much that
54:09you start to believe it. Um and that's
54:13con man is kind of a bad bad way to
54:15compare these things and say that's
54:17where you need to be in life. But you
54:19need to have the confidence where like
54:21this is not a big deal. No matter what's
54:23happening, it's not a big deal because
54:26your your worldview is things are going
54:28to be fine. Everything's going to work
54:29out. I'm open to being socially injured.
54:31That's that's just part of living as a
54:33human being on this planet.
54:34>> And define social injury.
54:36>> Social injury is judgment most of the
54:39time.
54:39>> Okay.
54:39>> Judgment. And the judgment, if I'm
54:42relying on the outside world, causes
54:44shame. And let me give you the third
54:47pathway of confidence here since we're
54:50just throwing random [ __ ] around. um
54:53getting so forgiving of yourself and
54:56your own past that for anyone else
54:59looking at it, you would be delusional
55:01or crazy.
55:02Like unlimited self forgiveness. And
55:05this sounds like some self-help
55:06[ __ ] but it's just like I don't
55:09care what anyone thinks about anything
55:12that I've ever done. I am so
55:14self-forgiving that everything is
55:16forgiven that I've done and I don't
55:18accept any judgment from anybody else.
55:20I'm radically delusionally forgiving
55:23about everything that I've ever done,
55:25which kind of just helps to delete what
55:28keeps most people back, and that's
55:30shame. So, I'm hiding shame. I'm hiding
55:33guilt. And I'm also concealing this fear
55:36of I might get judged by somebody.
55:39And opening that up and just, it sounds
55:43crazy, but like we're training like
55:46Jason Bourne type of dudes. And the best
55:49way that we can train them is like
55:51getting them to live with like an open
55:53heart and just wide open where I'm open
55:57to getting that social injury. So if I
56:00can if I have that much confidence then
56:02these little language techniques and
56:04stuff that we're talking about are 10
56:06times more powerful. So a couple more
56:10techniques if you want to go back to
56:11them um are these gestures that I was
56:14talking about.
56:14>> Yeah. So, if I want something between
56:17you and I, like I say the word
56:19connection or I say the word um if I'm
56:22talking to uh somebody that I want to
56:24date, I might say the word attraction
56:26and go like this back and forth between
56:27us two. I don't know if my hands in the
56:29camera or not, but
56:31I'm I want to use my gestures on purpose
56:34instead of on accident. Is that maybe
56:36they have a 5% effect on how someone
56:38perceives something, but it's an effect.
56:40There's some kind of effect going on.
56:43And if I say something and I want it to
56:46be associated with me and I'm really
56:47trying to generate a lot of your focus,
56:49I would say like, you know, it was just
56:51I'm seeing so many of these things. It's
56:53just a really fascinating when you get
56:56to the point where you discover
56:57something new. And I'm just pointing at
57:00myself saying fascinating.
57:03And so think of like the words that you
57:06would want to say if you wanted to kind
57:09of control another human being or like
57:10get to an outcome.
57:12>> Yeah. Yeah.
57:12>> Um, so let's go back to your example of
57:14of me wanting you to what was it like
57:18extend
57:19>> extend the podcast out for 5 hours,
57:21right?
57:22>> Um,
57:24let's say we're standing out there in
57:25the green room and we're getting ready
57:28to kind of come in here and record and I
57:30say, "Jack, you know, it's fascinating.
57:32Um,
57:33it's amazing like so many people I was I
57:36was working with. I was at this doctor's
57:37office the other day getting this brain
57:39scan done here while I'm in LA and it is
57:42just awesome that he was willing to just
57:46stop and spend extra time with me doing
57:52these brain scans
57:54and I would say that so I'm saying spend
57:56extra time with me and I'm pausing
57:58before I'm pausing afterwards
58:01to where if you clipped it out in audio
58:03that would be its own statement
58:06It's fascinating. It's kind of a cool
58:08placebo, but it's only a placebo of
58:11skill unless the confidence is there and
58:13you can back all that stuff up.
58:16And there's so much you can do with
58:18language.
58:20But it's only as good as how you're
58:22influencing the mamalian brain. So if I
58:26have zero, like imagine if a third
58:27grader came up to you and said that or
58:31you it would have no impact on you. If a
58:33third grader came up to you and insulted
58:35you, it would have no impact. So there
58:38needs to be authority present and
58:40authority not over others, but authority
58:42over self.
58:44>> Like I'm in control, I'm not
58:45controlling. And you know, we you've
58:48probably seen me go through the five
58:50factors of authority and what makes
58:52authority possible. But we've proven in
58:55so many experiments that authority
58:56matters more than any possible word that
58:59you will ever say in your lifetime. like
59:00the Mgrim experiment which is uh famous
59:04people got talked into killing another
59:06person or they thought they did in in
59:09under an hour. And more and more we're
59:12discovering is I need to be more Caesar
59:15Milan and less Tony Robbins. I need to
59:19think about controlling that mamalian
59:21brain and because that's what really
59:23makes the decisions. If somebody thinks
59:25oh well the human the neoortex is more
59:27advanced so it makes more decisions. No,
59:29it's not like you you can't hold your
59:31breath until you die. Your your malian
59:34brain is going to take over and knock
59:36your ass out or going to make you just
59:38open your mouth and breathe again. So
59:40that is the brain that makes a lot of
59:42our decisions from an emotional
59:44perspective. And that's the where you
59:46establish someone's focus. You have
59:48authority and you say something that
59:50triggers this tribal response and
59:52emotion. Those are the four things that
59:54influence mammals. Focus, authority,
59:56tribe, and emotion. Those four things.

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