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Le Donne Non Cercano un Uomo Sicuro di Sé | Carl Jung — Transcript

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0:01Ever since I started understanding
0:02myself and relationships, I’ve heard
0:04that self-confidence is one of the most
0:06attractive qualities to a woman. I
0:10therefore tried to develop it, and it
0:12did indeed help me face new situations,
0:14take initiative, and believe more in my
0:17abilities. Over time, however, I
0:20realized that confidence alone is not
0:22enough. Carl Gustav Jung’s psychology
0:25helps us understand why, beyond the
0:28image we show others, there are fears
0:30and insecurities we often try to hide.
0:34Jung defined the "persona" as the
0:35social face we present to the world.
0:38The problem arises when we try to
0:40always appear strong, ending up
0:42dependent on the image we want to
0:44project. A man can seem self-confident
0:47and at the same time deeply fear
0:49rejection or need the approval of
0:51others. True stability does not consist
0:55of hiding these fragilities, but in
0:56recognizing them without letting them
0:58dominate you. Confidence can help you
1:01start a project, face an exam, or
1:03approach a woman. But what happens when
1:06you fail? When you receive criticism or
1:08get rejected? If your strength depends
1:11solely on self-belief, every difficulty
1:13risks calling it into question. For
1:16this reason, besides confidence, you
1:18need the ability to maintain control of
1:20your actions when things don't go as
1:22planned. It doesn’t mean repressing
1:25emotions, but recognizing them without
1:27letting them decide for you. One, the
1:33difference between confidence and
1:35imperturbability. It is important to
1:37start with a distinction.
1:39Self-confidence consists of believing
1:41in one's own abilities, while
1:43imperturbability is the ability to keep
1:45acting even when that confidence is put
1:48to the test. Confidence can vary based
1:52on results achieved, the judgment of
1:54others, how one is treated, and the
1:56circumstances. Imperturbability, on the
2:00other hand, concerns the way one faces
2:02what happens, without letting events
2:04completely dictate one's reactions.
2:08Imagine you have to take an important
2:10exam. You have studied, reviewed, and
2:12dedicated time to preparation when you
2:15suddenly receive news of the death of a
2:17loved one. It is natural to feel pain.
2:21Emotions are part of the human
2:22experience and should not be denied.
2:26The question is whether that pain will
2:28end up completely pulling you away from
2:30your goal or if, despite the suffering,
2:33you will gradually manage to resume
2:35what you were doing. If you manage to
2:39go through a difficult time without
2:41letting emotion dictate every action,
2:43you are developing a form of
2:45imperturbability. This does not mean
2:48becoming cold, stopping the suffering,
2:50or suppressing what you feel. It means
2:53recognizing your emotions without
2:55yielding control of your choices and
2:57the direction you want to follow to
2:59them. In relationships, this aspect
3:03takes on particular importance. A woman
3:05cannot know a man's psychological
3:08strength directly, but she can get an
3:10idea by observing his behavior. She
3:13notes how he reacts to difficulties,
3:15pressure, waiting, and uncertainty. She
3:18observes how easily he loses his cool
3:20and how long he remains troubled even
3:22by minor problems. Through these
3:25reactions, she tries to understand what
3:27kind of person is in front of her. That
3:29is why it is not enough to possess a
3:30certain quality. It is necessary for it
3:33to emerge concretely from one's way of
3:34acting. A man may consider himself
3:37confident, but if he loses control when
3:40a woman does not respond as he hoped,
3:42that confidence will hardly be
3:44perceived. Likewise, he may consider
3:46himself calm, but if he reacts with
3:49anger to a small difficulty, his
3:51behavior will convey the opposite
3:53impression. The goal, therefore, is not
3:56just to feel strong, but to develop the
3:59ability to face situations without
4:01being easily destabilized. Two. How do
4:07you react when you are under pressure?
4:09The first aspect to observe is the way
4:12you react to pressure. Imagine going to
4:14sleep late and waking up late,
4:17realizing you should already be at work
4:19. The first reaction may be to panic,
4:23rush, curse, and look for someone or
4:26something to blame, from the alarm
4:28clock to traffic or the day's mishaps.
4:32The problem is not experiencing stress,
4:34because it is a natural reaction. The
4:36problem arises when stress further
4:38worsens an already complicated
4:40situation, pushing you to behave
4:42impulsively and lose control of your
4:45actions. An imperturbable person does
4:48not need everything to go according to
4:50plan to maintain clarity. He does not
4:54necessarily have to feel calm, but
4:55learn to focus on the first action he
4:58can control. It could be taking a
5:00shower, getting dressed, giving notice
5:02of the delay, or preparing what is
5:04needed to face the day. The important
5:06thing is to shift attention from the
5:08problem to the next step. When pressure
5:11increases, stop for a few seconds and
5:13ask yourself what is the first concrete
5:15thing you can do. Identify the next
5:18step and put it into practice. Even a
5:21short pause can help you avoid
5:22impulsive reactions and decisions you
5:24might regret. This does not mean
5:28eliminating stress or becoming immune
5:30to agitation; it means being able to
5:32choose how to act even when you don't
5:34feel calm. It is precisely this ability
5:37that makes the difference. Many men
5:39consider themselves nervous people
5:40because they often feel anger, tension,
5:43or frustration. In reality, these
5:45emotions are part of the human
5:46experience. Anyone can feel overwhelmed
5:49, lose patience, or go through a
5:50difficult moment. The difference does
5:53not necessarily lie in what you feel,
5:55but in how you decide to react. You can
5:58be angry without becoming aggressive,
6:00handle stress without fueling chaos,
6:02accept disappointment without
6:04compromising what you have built, and
6:06suffer an emotional wound without
6:07completely losing your way. Think about
6:11when you receive painful news while in
6:13the company of other people. You can
6:16feel deep sadness without immediately
6:18transforming it into a visible reaction
6:20, not because the emotion is less
6:21intense, but because you don't feel the
6:24need to express every mood through
6:26immediate behavior. The same principle
6:29applies to anger, tension, and
6:31frustration. The goal is not to pretend
6:34to feel nothing, but to learn to
6:36recognize your emotions without letting
6:38them decide how you behave. Three.
6:44Responsibility, stop blaming others.
6:48The second fundamental element is the
6:50ability to take responsibility for your
6:52own actions. Let's go back to the
6:54example of waking up late. When you
6:56arrive at work past the scheduled time,
6:58your first reaction might be to look
7:00for an external cause. Did the alarm
7:02not go off, was traffic heavy, did
7:04someone slow you down, or did you sleep
7:06poorly? There can be many explanations,
7:09but identifying a cause does not
7:10necessarily mean taking responsibility
7:13for what happened. To develop greater
7:15personal stability, it is important to
7:17start with what depends on you. You can
7:20acknowledge that you didn't prepare in
7:22advance, didn't consider the difficulty
7:24of finding a taxi, or didn't foresee a
7:26possible setback. This doesn't mean
7:29blaming yourself for everything, but
7:31distinguishing what you cannot control
7:33from what you can influence. When you
7:35are always looking for someone to blame
7:37externally, you end up depending on
7:38circumstances and the behavior of
7:40others. If, instead, you focus on your
7:43own possibilities for action, you
7:44regain control of the situation and
7:46learn to manage it with greater
7:47awareness. This principle is
7:51particularly important in relationships
7:53as well. During a date, taking the
7:55initiative does not mean imposing your
7:58own decisions or claiming to control
8:00every aspect of the meeting. It means
8:02being willing to make decisions, face
8:05unexpected events, and actively
8:07contribute to finding a solution when
8:09something doesn't go as planned.
8:12Instead of immediately looking for a
8:14culprit, the most useful question is:
8:16what can I do right now to improve the
8:18situation? You cannot control traffic,
8:21decide how another person will behave,
8:24or foresee every unexpected event. You
8:27can, however, choose how to react, what
8:29decisions to make, and how to face the
8:31consequences of your actions. Taking
8:34responsibility means stopping the wait
8:36for circumstances to change and
8:38starting to intervene in what depends
8:40on you. It is one of the most concrete
8:43expressions of personal strength. Four.
8:48Knowing how to endure discomfort. The
8:51third behavior concerns how you deal
8:53with uncomfortable situations. Imagine
8:56being at a restaurant with a woman; the
8:59waiter is late, and by the time the
9:01food is finally served, the wait has
9:03become frustratingly long. It is an
9:06unpleasant situation, but it is
9:08precisely in these moments that a
9:09person’s way of handling things not
9:11going as planned emerges. Many men
9:14react by complaining constantly. The
9:17service is terrible, the food arrives
9:19late, the place is poorly organized,
9:21and now the evening is ruined. What
9:24seems like a simple outburst can reveal
9:26how much one's mood depends on external
9:28circumstances. If hunger makes you
9:31aggressive, waiting makes you lose your
9:33patience, and a minor setback
9:35completely ruins your night, it means
9:37your environment has a strong influence
9:40on your emotional state. This does not
9:43mean a woman necessarily expects a man
9:45incapable of feeling discomfort.
9:48However, stability becomes important
9:50when looking for someone you can rely
9:52on even in difficult times. To convey
9:55security to others, it is helpful to be
9:57able to maintain a certain calmness
9:59even when circumstances become
10:00inconvenient. One way to do this is to
10:04learn to smile, lighten the mood, and
10:07not turn every inconvenience into a
10:09bigger problem than it really is. It is
10:12not about pretending everything is fine
10:14, but about maintaining a balanced
10:16attitude even when something is not
10:18working. Imagine two men in the same
10:20situation. The first gets irritated,
10:22complains constantly, checks his watch,
10:24and ends up making the whole evening
10:26unpleasant. The second acknowledges the
10:29inconvenience, perhaps jokes about the
10:31wait, and continues to enjoy the time
10:33spent together. The difference is clear
10:35. The second shows he knows how to
10:38handle the situation without letting it
10:41dictate all his behavior. True
10:44stability consists of not needing
10:46everything to go perfectly in order to
10:48be okay. When you learn to tolerate
10:52discomfort without overreacting, you
10:54show that you have greater self-control
10:56and know how to face the unexpected
10:59with ease. Five, when you don't know
11:03what to do. The fourth behavior
11:06concerns how you react to confusion and
11:08uncertainty. Sooner or later, you will
11:11find yourself in situations where you
11:12won't know how to act. A device might
11:15freeze during a payment, you might not
11:17find an address, or an application
11:19might stop working. Or you might find
11:22yourself in an unknown place without
11:24knowing which direction to take. These
11:27are normal circumstances, but they can
11:29test your ability to keep your cool.
11:32Many men in these moments make the
11:34mistake of pretending they know. They
11:37believe they must always have an answer
11:39, know the right way, and know
11:41immediately what decision to make. When
11:45faced with something they didn't
11:47foresee, however, this expectation
11:49leads them to lose focus, act in a
11:51disorganized way, and try to hide their
11:53uncertainty. The problem isn't not
11:56knowing, but losing your cool because
11:58you don't have the answer. There is
12:00nothing wrong with pausing and
12:02admitting you have a doubt. Check the
12:04information or ask for help. Saying "
12:08Wait, let me check, I'm not sure" or "
12:10Let's see how to solve this" shows the
12:12ability to face the situation without
12:14pretending to have everything under
12:16control. A man doesn't appear weak
12:20because he is ignorant of something.
12:23His stability emerges from the way he
12:25reacts when he lacks the necessary
12:27information. The most confident person
12:30in a room is not necessarily the one
12:32who knows every answer, but the one who
12:34can remain clear-headed while looking
12:36for a solution. This is why it is
12:39important to accept that not knowing is
12:41part of life. You will still find
12:43yourself in new, unforeseen, or
12:45difficult-to-understand situations. In
12:48those moments, you don't need to
12:49immediately prove your worth or pretend
12:51you have everything under control. You
12:54can simply observe what is happening,
12:56evaluate the possibilities, and
12:58identify the next step. True confidence
13:01doesn't consist of always knowing the
13:03answer, but in knowing that you can
13:04look for it without losing your cool
13:06and your self-assurance. Conclusion: do
13:11not allow small things to control your
13:14mood. The fifth behavior concerns how
13:17you react to small losses and daily
13:20mistakes. Does it happen that you
13:22overpay for a purchase, choose a paid
13:25parking spot when there was a free one
13:27nearby, or buy something you regret
13:29right after? These are minor
13:32inconveniences, but it's worth asking
13:34yourself how long you keep thinking
13:36about them. Do you dwell on the error
13:39for minutes or even hours, letting it
13:41affect your mood and ruin the rest of
13:43your day? In these cases, you don't
13:47just lose money or make a bad choice.
13:50You end up sacrificing your serenity as
13:52well. The ability to maintain balance
13:56consists of recognizing the error,
13:58learning from what happened, and moving
14:00on without continuing to suffer the
14:02emotional consequences. It doesn't mean
14:05ignoring mistakes, but avoiding paying
14:07for them twice. First with the initial
14:09loss and then with the time and energy
14:12spent dwelling on it. The sixth
14:15behavior concerns transition moments,
14:17when an activity ends and you need to
14:19decide how to proceed. It could be the
14:22moment to leave a place, pay the bill,
14:24or choose where to go next. These are
14:27simple situations, but they show how
14:29capable you are of taking initiative
14:31when there isn't a precise plan. If you
14:34constantly answer "what do you want to
14:36do,""you decide," or "whatever you
14:38prefer," you risk leaving the other
14:40person with all the responsibility of
14:42giving the situation direction. Asking
14:46what they want is normal, but the
14:48problem arises when every little step
14:50becomes a decision you cannot make on
14:52your own. Leading doesn't mean imposing
14:55your own preferences or deciding
14:57everything on your own. It means
14:59knowing how to recognize when it’s
15:01time to act and help move things
15:03forward. Suggesting a change, deciding
15:07the next step, or handling a practical
15:09detail are simple gestures that show
15:11initiative and confidence. The ability
15:15to handle these small moments allows
15:18you to gradually build the confidence
15:20needed to face even bigger situations.
15:24The core point isn't just about women,
15:26but the kind of man you choose to
15:28become. Self-confidence allows you to
15:31believe in your abilities and take on
15:33new situations. But that is not enough
15:36to guarantee lasting stability. Sooner
15:39or later, failures, rejections,
15:40setbacks, and moments of doubt will
15:42come your way. That is exactly when
15:45your ability to maintain balance will
15:47emerge. Carl Jung’s thought helps us
15:50understand this process through the
15:52concept of the shadow, which points to
15:55aspects of our personality we tend to
15:57hide or reject. Fear, anger, insecurity
16:01, and the need for approval don't
16:03disappear when we pretend we don't feel
16:05them; they can continue to influence
16:07our reactions. True stability,
16:10therefore, doesn't consist of
16:12suppressing emotions, but in
16:13recognizing them without letting them
16:15dominate you. You can feel anger
16:18without becoming aggressive, feel fear
16:20without letting it decide for you, and
16:22feel insecure without constantly
16:24seeking validation from others.
16:27Confidence allows you to start, while
16:29awareness helps you understand what is
16:31happening inside you. Inner solidity
16:35develops when you can choose how to
16:37behave even in difficult moments,
16:39without depending entirely on
16:41circumstances. When you are rejected,
16:45something goes wrong, or you are under
16:47pressure, you can feel discomfort
16:49without losing your direction. You
16:51cannot control everything that happens,
16:53but you can learn to manage your
16:55reactions. True strength doesn't
16:58consist of becoming impossible to hurt,
17:00but in not letting yourself be
17:02destabilized by every difficulty. It
17:05means feeling your emotions,
17:07understanding them, and continuing to
17:09act with awareness, without letting
17:11them decide who you become.

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