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La jeune fille à la perle (audio) 11/11 — Transcript

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0:01During the sitting that followed, he
0:03did not mention the earring. He did not
0:07wait for me as I had feared. He did not
0:11change my position, nor did he stop to
0:13paint, nor come into the storage room
0:15to check my hair. He remained that way
0:19for a long time, mixing colors on his
0:21palette with his knife. There was red
0:24and ochre there, but the paint he was
0:26mixing was mostly white. He added
0:29touches of black, working it all slowly
0:31and intently, the edge of the knife
0:33glinting in the gray paint. "Sir," I
0:38began. He looked at me, his knife
0:41motionless. "I have happened to see you
0:44paint without the model being present.
0:46Would you not like to paint the earring
0:48without me wearing it?" The knife on
0:52the palette remained still. "In short,
0:56you would like me to imagine that you
0:58are wearing the pearl and for me to
1:00paint what I imagine.""Yes, sir," I
1:05lowered my eyes, looking at the paint.
1:09The knife began to move back and forth
1:11on the palette again. I thought I
1:14caught a slight smile on his face. "I
1:18want to see you wearing the earring.""
1:22But do you know what will happen, sir?"
1:25"What I know is that the painting will
1:27be finished." You will be my ruin, I
1:30thought. But once again, I could not
1:35bring myself to say it to him. "What
1:39will your wife think when she sees the
1:40finished painting?" I preferred to ask
1:43him as ardently as I could. "She will
1:48not see it.""I will give it directly to
1:50Van Ruijven." It was the first time he
1:55had admitted that he was painting me in
1:57secret and that Catharina would
1:59disapprove. "You will only have to wear
2:03it once," he continued, as if to soothe
2:07me. "I will bring it to your next
2:11sitting, a week from this afternoon.""
2:17Catharina won't even have time to
2:18notice it.""But sir," I replied, "my
2:26ears are not pierced." He frowned
2:29slightly. "Well, you will have to do
2:31what is necessary." This was, quite
2:34obviously, a woman's affair that did
2:38not concern him. He tapped the knife
2:41and wiped it with a cloth. "And now,
2:43let us proceed.""Lower your chin a
2:46little," and he contemplated me for a
2:48moment. "Pass your tongue over your
2:52lips." I did so. "Keep your mouth open.
2:55" And he contemplated me for a moment.
3:03This request surprised me so much that
3:06my mouth remained open. I held back
3:09tears. A decent woman was never
3:14depicted. With her mouth open. One
3:17would think he was in the alley when I
3:19met Peter there. You have caused my
3:23ruin, I thought. I passed my tongue
3:26over my lips once again. "It's fine,"
3:28he said. I didn't want to do it myself.
3:31The pain didn't bother me, but I
3:33refused to bring a needle near my ear.
3:36If I could have chosen anyone to do it,
3:38it would have been my mother. However,
3:40she never would have agreed without
3:42knowing the reason. She never knew how
3:46horrified she would be. I couldn't ask
3:54Tanoki or Merge either. I considered
3:58asking Maria Sims. Perhaps she still
4:01didn't know about the earring, but she
4:03would learn soon enough. I couldn't
4:05bring myself to it, though, refusing to
4:07see her participate in my humiliation.
4:10The only person capable of doing it and
4:13understanding would be Franz. So, I
4:16slipped away the next afternoon,
4:18carrying a needle case. A gift from
4:23Maria Sims. The sour-faced woman who
4:26controlled access to the tiles looked
4:28at me with a smirk when I asked to see
4:31my brother. He left ages ago. Good
4:35riddance, she said, savoring her words.
4:38Left for where? She shrugged her
4:41shoulders. Towards Rotterdam, from what
4:43I heard. And after that, who knows,
4:46maybe he's sailing the seas looking for
4:48his fortune? If he doesn't end his days
4:52between the legs of a Rotterdam.
4:58These last words prompted me to look at
5:01her more closely. She was expecting a
5:03child. In breaking the tile that
5:07represented me and Franz, Corné
5:08ignored that the future would confirm
5:11this fracture, that Franz would detach
5:13from me and my family. Would I ever see
5:16him again, I wondered? What will our
5:19parents say? I felt lonelier than ever.
5:23The next day, on my way back from the
5:25fish market, I stopped at the potter's.
5:27By now, the latter knew me. He even
5:29called me by my first name. So, what do
5:31you need today? He asked, vermilion,
5:34gold, or lead. I need nothing, I
5:37replied. Neither mistress, nor supplies
5:40. I hesitated for a moment, considering
5:43asking him to pierce my ear. It seemed
5:46that the discreet man wouldn't go
5:47telling anyone and wouldn't ask
5:49questions. I couldn't, however, ask
5:53such a favor of a stranger. I need
5:57something that numbs the skin, does it
5:59numb the skin? Yes, like ice. And why
6:03do you want to numb your skin? I
6:06shrugged my shoulders and didn't answer
6:09, studying the bottles placed on
6:10Riano’s shelves. Clove oil, he
6:14finally said with a sigh, reaching
6:16behind him to grab a bottle. Rub a few
6:19drops on the sensitive area and wait a
6:22few minutes. Be careful, the effect
6:25doesn't last long. I need a little bit,
6:28please. And who is that? Your master.
6:31It's very expensive, you know, it comes
6:32from far away. There was a mix of
6:35reproach and curiosity in her voice. I
6:37have the money, I only want one. Just a
6:40tiny bit. Pulling a purse from my apron
6:43, I stared at the shining florins on
6:45the table. A tiny vial cost me two days
6:48'wages. I had borrowed some money from
6:52Tanuki and promised to pay her back the
6:54following Sunday, when I would get paid
6:56. That Sunday, when I handed my mother
7:00my wages, from which that woman's share
7:03had been taken, I told her I had broken
7:05a mirror earlier and had to. It will
7:14cost you more than two days' wages to
7:16replace that, you girl. Why were you
7:20looking at yourself in a mirror? How
7:22careless of you. Yes, I conceded. I was
7:25very careless. I waited until a late
7:29hour when I was sure everyone was
7:31asleep. I was afraid of being caught
7:34with my needle, my mirror, and my
7:36essence of cloves. Even though, usually
7:38, no one went up to the workshop once
7:40it was locked for the night. I stood by
7:44the door, ears pricked. I heard
7:47Catarina pacing the hallway below. She
7:51had been having trouble sleeping lately
7:53. Her body was too cumbersome for her
7:57to find a comfortable position. A
8:01child's voice, that of a little girl,
8:03then drifted up. She was trying hard to
8:05speak in a whisper. But struggled to
8:08muffle her high-pitched tone. When
8:11Nelia was with her mother, locked in
8:13the workshop, I couldn't hear what they
8:15were saying and could slip up the steps
8:17to listen more closely. In her room
8:20next to the storage closet, Marie was
8:22also busy. The house was in a state of
8:26agitation. That made me restless as
8:29well. I forced myself to sit on my
8:33lion-headed chair until calm returned.
8:37I wasn't sleepy. I had never felt so
8:41awake. Catarina and Cornelia finally
8:46went back to bed. And in the room next
8:49to Marie and Yassine, this
8:51back-and-forth stopped. Finally. As the
8:59house quieted down, I remained seated
9:02on my chair. It was no harder to sit
9:04still than to undertake what I had
9:07planned. Unable to delay any longer, I
9:10stood up and started by glancing at the
9:12painting. All I saw was that great void
9:17where the earring should have been. It
9:23was up to me to fill it. I took my
9:24candle, went to get the mirror from the
9:27storage closet, and climbed to the
9:29attic. I then placed the mirror on the
9:32mortar table, propped it against the
9:34wall, and set the candle beside it. I
9:38took out a needle holder and brought
9:41the finest point near the flame. I then
9:48opened the vial of oil of cloves,
9:51expecting the scent of mold and rotting
9:55leaves that usually accompanies
9:58remedies. Instead, the smell was sweet
10:01and strange. It reminded me of honey
10:04cakes left out in the sun. It came from
10:09distant lands, places where I might
10:11travel by ship. I shook a few drops
10:14onto a cloth and dabbed it onto the
10:16lobe of my left ear. The apothecary was
10:19right. A few minutes later, when I
10:21touched the lobe, it felt as if I had
10:23been walking in the cold without a
10:25shawl to cover my ears. I pulled the
10:29needle from the flame, watching the
10:31bright red tip fade, turning slowly to
10:36a dull orange and then to black. I
10:39leaned toward the mirror. My eyes were
10:41misted over. They glittered with fear
10:43in the candlelight. Hurry, I told
10:44myself. Waiting will gain you nothing.
10:47I pulled hard on my lobe to stretch it,
10:49and in one motion, I pierced my flesh
10:52with the needle. I had always wanted to
10:55wear earrings, just before I fainted.
11:01Each evening, I would dab my ear and
11:03then thread a slightly thicker needle
11:05through the hole so it wouldn't close.
11:09The pain was bearable until the day the
11:12lobe became infected and swollen. I
11:15then had to soak my ear in clove oil.
11:18My eyes would fill with tears as soon
11:20as I inserted the needle. I wondered
11:23how I would manage to wear the earring
11:25without fainting again. I was grateful
11:28that my cap covered my ears, as it hid
11:31my sore lobe. It would throb whenever I
11:36leaned over the boiling laundry,
11:38scrubbed linens, or attended church
11:40with Peter and my parents. It throbbed
11:44when Van Ruijven surprised me one
11:46morning while I was hanging sheets to
11:48dry in the courtyard. He tried to pull
11:51my bodice down over my ears to uncover
11:54my breasts. I wouldn't advise you to
11:58fight me, my girl. He muttered as I
12:03backed away. I will only enjoy it more.
12:13And you know, anyway, you will be mine
12:15the day I get that painting. He pushed
12:19me against the wall, moved his lips
12:22toward my chest, and pulled at my dress
12:25to expose my breasts. "Tanoki!" I
12:29called out with all my strength, hoping
12:31, alas, in vain. that she had returned
12:37early from the bakery. What are you
12:39doing? Corien was watching from the
12:42doorway. She would have said that I
12:45might one day be happy to see her. Ren
12:48only then lifted his head. We are
12:50enjoying a little game, my dear child,
12:52he replied. Just a little game, you
12:55will play your turn when you are older.
12:59He adjusted his cape before Cornelia in
13:02the house and in front. My gaze did not
13:07meet Cornelia's. I tucked in my shirt
13:10and smoothed my dress, my hands
13:11trembling as I finally raised my head.
13:14Corné had disappeared. On the morning
13:18of my 18th birthday, I got up and
13:21cleaned the studio as usual. The
13:25concert painting was finished. In a few
13:28days, Van Riven would come to see it
13:30and take it away. Although it was no
13:33longer my duty, I carefully put away
13:36what had served as the setting for the
13:38painting, wiping the virginal, the
13:41violin, the viola da gamba, passing a
13:43damp cloth over the table carpet,
13:46polishing the chair legs, and sweeping
13:48the gray and white tiles. I didn't like
13:52this painting as much as the others my
13:54master had done, even if it was
13:56supposed to be of greater value than
13:58those three characters. With those
14:04three characters, I preferred those
14:06paintings depicting women alone. They
14:08were purer, less complicated. I
14:10realized that I did not want to look at
14:13this concert for too long, nor even try
14:15to understand what these characters
14:17were thinking. I wondered what his next
14:20painting would be. I set some water to
14:27heat and asked Toniki, busy washing the
14:30steps and the stones in front of the
14:32house, what she wanted from the butcher
14:35. Beef ribs, she replied, leaning on
14:37her broom. Why not something good? She
14:46rubbed her lower back, moaning. It will
14:50keep me from thinking about my aches.
14:54Is your back starting to make you
14:56suffer again, I said, forcing myself to
14:58show her a little compassion. Truth be
15:00told, Tanqui always had a bad back.
15:02That was her life as a servant. Merge
15:09accompanied me to the meat market,
15:11which I did not complain about. Since
15:14that famous night in the alley, I was
15:16embarrassed to find myself alone with
15:18Peter junior, not really knowing how he
15:20would behave toward me. If he saw me
15:23with Merge, he would be on his guard.
15:26Peter junior was not there. His father
15:27greeted me with a big smile. Ah, the
15:29young lady’s birthday, his wife said,
15:31it’s a big day for you. I looked at
15:34her, astonished; I hadn't mentioned to
15:36the family that it was my birthday,
15:38having no reason to do so. I don’t
15:42really see how it’s a big day, I
15:44retorted. That’s not what my son said
15:47. He had to step out. He had someone to
15:52see. Pieter the Elder gave me a wink.
15:56My blood ran cold in my veins. He was
15:59saying something without saying it,
16:01something I was presumably meant to
16:02understand. The best cuts of meat you
16:06have, I asked, deciding not to take the
16:09bait, to celebrate, then? Pieter the
16:14Elder was not a man to be discouraged.
16:17He was rather the type who persists. I
16:21didn't answer. I simply waited for him
16:24to serve me. Then I put the meat in my
16:27bucket and left. Tell me, Griet, is it
16:30true that it's your birthday? Tanneke
16:34asked me when we were leaving the
16:36market. Yes. How old are you? Eighteen.
16:42Why is eighteen a big day? It isn't
16:45true. You shouldn't listen to him. He's
16:47a fool. Damn, I didn't seem convinced.
16:52Neither was I. The words of Pieter the
16:54Elder had triggered some curious
16:55mechanisms in my head. I spent the
16:57morning rinsing and boiling the laundry
16:59. My mind was active while I watched
17:02the boiling wash-tub and wondered where
17:07Frans was, and if my parents had
17:09learned of his departure from Delft. I
17:16wondered what Pieter the Elder had
17:18implied earlier. And where was Pieter
17:21the Younger? I thought about that
17:25evening in the alley, I thought about
17:27my portrait, wondering when it would be
17:29finished and what would become of me
17:31then. All this time, my ear was
17:34throbbing. The pain was throbbing as
17:37soon as I moved my head. It was Maria
17:40Thins who came to get me. Leave your
17:42laundry, child, I heard her say from
17:44behind me. She wants you to come up.
17:48She was standing in the doorway, waving
17:50something in her hand. I felt troubled.
17:54Now, mistress? Yes, now. Don't be shy
17:56with me, child. You know very well why
17:59Catharina went out this morning. Which
18:03is rare these days. Now that her time
18:05is near. Give me your hand. I wiped my
18:08hand on my apron and held it out to her
18:11. Maria Thins slipped two earrings into
18:13my palm. Take them up, be quick. I
18:16couldn't move. I was holding two pearls
18:18as big as hazelnuts in the shape of a
18:20teardrop. They were a silvery gray even
18:24in the sun, with the exception of a
18:26touch of dazzling white light. I had
18:29already touched pearls when I brought
18:31them to Van Ruyven's wife. He put them
18:35around her neck or placed them on the
18:37table, but I never thought they were
18:39meant for me. "Hurry, girl," Maria said
18:43impatiently. "Catharina and Maria might
18:45come back sooner than expected." I
18:47rushed off, stumbling in the hallway,
18:49leaving the laundry unfinished. Then I
18:52climbed the stairs under the eyes of
18:55Tanneke, who was bringing water from
18:57the canal. And under those of Cornelia,
19:02who was playing with the dog in the
19:09entrance. However, all three watched me
19:12. "Where are you going?" they asked,
19:16their eyes shining with curiosity. "The
19:21attic," I replied softly. "Can we come
19:24up with you?" one asked in a sarcastic
19:26tone. "No, move aside, girls.""You are
19:32blocking my way." Tanneke pushed them
19:34aside. Her face was dark. The door to
19:37the studio was ajar. I entered, lips
19:41pressed tight, stomach knotted. I
19:43closed the door behind me. He was
19:46waiting for me. I held out my hand and
19:49let the earrings drop into his palm. He
19:52smiled at me. "Go put on your cap." I
19:55went to change in the storage room. He
19:59did not come to look at my hair. On
20:02returning, I glanced at the painting of
20:05the procuress hanging on the wall. The
20:10man was smiling at the young woman as
20:12if he were feeling pears at the market
20:14to see if they were ripe. I shuddered.
20:18She was holding an earring by its metal
20:21wire. It caught the light from the
20:25window, reflecting a tiny, dazzling
20:28white facet. "Here, Griet," she said,
20:30holding out her hand. "Griet, Griet,
20:35someone wants to see you!" Maagge
20:37called to me from below. I stuck my
20:38head out the window. Tanneke stood
20:40beside me and we looked down together.
20:43Pieter the son was standing in the
20:44street below us. He looked up when he
20:50saw us both at the window. "Come down,
20:53Griet!""I want to speak with you, don't
20:57just stand there." Ready to walk away.
21:02I stepped away from the window. "
21:05Forgive me, Monsieur Lebrun, it will
21:07not be long." I rushed to the storage
21:10room to take off my cap. He was still
21:15there. At the window, his back turned
21:18to me as I crossed the studio. Sitting
21:21on the bench. On the bench, the girls
21:23were staring at Pieter with wide eyes.
21:26I was looking at them too. "Let's go to
21:30the corner of the street," I whispered,
21:32heading toward the door. Forced to
21:37follow me, Pieter stood there with his
21:39arms crossed. "What did you have on
21:41your head when you were up there?" he
21:43asked. I stopped and turned back. My
21:47cap? No, it was blue and yellow. Five
21:51pairs of eyes were watching us. The
21:52girls under the awning and him at the
21:54window. Pieter suddenly appeared on the
21:56doorstep. It looked so strange. I beg
22:04you, Pieter, let's go a little further
22:05where no one can hear us. What I have
22:09to say can be said in front of everyone
22:11. I have nothing to hide. She threw her
22:14head back. Her blonde curls falling
22:17behind her ears. I saw that nothing
22:21would make her stop. She would say in
22:22front of everyone what I dreaded her
22:24saying to me. Pieter didn't raise his
22:27voice, but we heard him. I spoke to
22:31your father this morning and he gave me
22:34his consent for us to marry. Now that
22:37you are eighteen, you can leave here
22:39and come to my house today. I felt
22:43myself turning red. Was it from anger
22:46or shame? I did not know. Everyone was
22:49waiting for my reaction. I took a deep
22:51breath. "This is not the appropriate
22:54place to talk about such things," I
22:56replied in a stern voice. Not in the
22:59street like this; you made a mistake by
23:01coming here. I didn't wait for his
23:03answer. As I turned to go back into the
23:06house, he called after me. Griet! I am
23:08panicked. Who said something so quietly
23:21that I am not sure I heard it correctly
23:23. Damn! I ran up to the studio. He was
23:30still at the window when I closed the
23:32door. I beg your pardon, sir, I will
23:35remove my cap. He did not turn around.
23:37He is still there, he said. When I felt
23:40the coast was clear, I went to the
23:42window, careful not to stand too close
23:44to it, anxious to avoid Pieter seeing
23:46me with my head adorned in yellow and
23:48blue. My master was no longer looking
23:52out at the street, and when the bell of
23:54the New Church rang, I stole a furtive
23:56glance. Pieter, no, Pieter was gone. I
24:03took my place on the chair and waited.
24:05When he finally turned toward me, his
24:08gaze was impenetrable. I didn't know, I
24:12knew less than ever what he was
24:16thinking. You are going to leave us,
24:19Griet, he said. Well, sir, I do not
24:23know. Do not pay attention to words
24:25spoken like that in the street. Will
24:27you ask them? Please, do not ask me
24:30questions about him. No, I suppose I
24:33should not. Come, let's get to work. He
24:37reached toward the cupboard behind him,
24:40grabbed an earring, and held it out to
24:42you. I want you to do it yourself. I
24:48would not have thought I could have so
24:50much poise. Neither did he; he seemed
24:54surprised, opened his mouth, but said
24:56nothing. He approached my chair. His
24:59jaw tightened. I looked at his still
25:02head. I reached up and touched my ear
25:04gently. I gasped as if I had been
25:06holding my breath underwater. He rubbed
25:09the swollen lobe between his thumb and
25:11forefinger, then pulled it. With his
25:16other hand, he slid the metal wire into
25:18the hole and pushed it through. A
25:21burning pain pierced me, filling my
25:23eyes with tears. He did not pull his
25:26hand away. His fingers grazed my neck
25:29and jaw. He moved up along my face to
25:33my cheek, then wiped away my tears with
25:35his thumb. He then brushed it over my
25:39lower lip, which I licked. It was salty
25:42. I closed my eyes. He pulled his
25:48fingers away. When I opened them again,
25:52he had returned to his easel and his
25:54palette. Sitting in my chair, I watched
25:58over my shoulder. My ear was burning.
26:02The weight of the pearl pulled at the
26:03lobe. I could only think of his fingers
26:06on my neck, his thumb on my lips. He
26:10looked at me, but he did not speak. I
26:15wondered what he was thinking. He
26:17eventually reached out again to grab
26:19something behind him. You must wear the
26:24other one too, he explained, taking the
26:26second earring and holding it out to me
26:28. For a moment, I could not say no. I
26:32wanted him to think of me. In the
26:34painting. Why? I finally replied. It
26:38cannot be in the painting. You must
26:41wear both, he insisted. It is strange
26:44to wear only one, but my other ear is
26:47not pierced. In that case, you will
26:52have to do what is necessary. I reached
26:56out and took the earring. It was for
26:59him that I did it. I took out my needle
27:01and thread and pierced my other ear
27:03without crying, without fainting,
27:05without screaming. I then posed all
27:08morning; he painted the earring he
27:10could see, and I felt such a fire in my
27:13other ear that the pearl the pearl he
27:17could not see. The laundry soaking in
27:20the kitchen had gone cold. The water
27:23had turned gray; people were coming and
27:25going noisily in the kitchen. Outside,
27:29the girls were shouting, and we, behind
27:31our closed door, sat and looked at each
27:34other. He painted. When he finally put
27:38down his brush and palette. I did not
27:41change my position, even though my eyes
27:43hurt from looking to the side. I did
27:47not want to move. It is finished, he
27:50said. A dull voice. He turned away and
27:55began to clean his palette with a rag.
27:57I looked at the knife. It was covered
28:00in white paint. Take off the earrings
28:03and give them back to Maria. When you
28:06go down, he added, I began to cry in
28:09silence. I stood up, headed to the
28:12storage room without looking. I took
28:15off the blue and yellow fabrics wrapped
28:17around my head. I waited a moment, hair
28:21on my shoulders, but he did not come.
28:27Now that the painting was finished, he
28:29did not want me anymore. I stood in
28:31front of the small mirror to take off
28:34the earrings. The holes in my lobes
28:36were bleeding. I dabbed them with a
28:38piece of cloth. Then I tied my hair
28:41back before uncovering and covering my
28:44ears with my cap, letting its ends hang
28:46under my When I returned, he was gone.
28:55He had left the studio door open. A
28:59moment to look at the painting to see
29:01what he had done, to see it finished
29:03with the earring in place. I decided to
29:06wait for the evening. I would then be
29:09free to study it at leisure without
29:11fear that someone might enter. I walked
29:15across the studio, closing it. I would
29:19regret it since I never looked at the
29:22finished painting. Catharina came back
29:29just a few minutes after I returned the
29:31earrings to Maria, who immediately put
29:34them in the jewelry box. I then ran to
29:37the kitchen and helped prepare the meal
29:39. I noticed that she did not look me in
29:41the face, but sideways, sometimes
29:42shaking her head. He was absent at
29:46dinner. He had gone out once the table
29:48was cleared. I went back into the
29:49courtyard to finish the laundry. I had
29:51to go fetch clean water. And as I
29:55worked while it was warm, Catharina was
29:57napping in the great hall on her side.
30:00Tanneke was sitting and writing letters
30:03in the crucifixion room. Sitting at the
30:06entrance, Tanneke, perched on the bench
30:09, was making lace. Near her, Elisabeth
30:12was sorting her collection of shells. I
30:15did not see Cornelia. I was hanging up
30:18an apron when I heard Maria asking
30:20where are you going? It was the tone of
30:24her voice rather than what she said
30:26that made me stop my work. She seemed
30:28worried. I slipped into the hallway.
30:30Maria was at the foot of the stairs.
30:32Her head turned upward. Standing in the
30:35doorway, Tanokim never took his eyes
30:37off his mistress. I heard the stairs
30:40creak. Katherina's gasping as she
30:42climbed the stairs with difficulty. At
30:44that moment, I understood what was
30:45about to happen. To her, to him, to me.
30:50Corné is here, I told myself. She is
30:52taking her to see the painting. I could
30:55have put an end to the agony of the
30:57wait. I could have left without even
30:59looking back. I can smell the
31:03unfinished laundry. But I couldn't move
31:06. I was rooted to the spot like Maria
31:09on the stairs. She, too, knew what was
31:12going to happen. She couldn't stop it.
31:15I collapsed. Margressin saw me. She
31:19said nothing to me. We continue to
31:21watch, perplexed, what happened up
31:22there. The noise behind the stairs
31:24ceased and then we heard it. Catarina's
31:27heavy footsteps headed toward the
31:29landing. Mary Yassine rushed upstairs.
31:32I remained on my knees, too exhausted
31:34to get up. Tanoki, standing in the
31:36entryway, blocked the light. She looked
31:40at me, arms crossed, her face
31:41expressionless. When a cry of rage rang
31:46out, voices rose, then were quickly
31:49muffled as she came down. "Mom wants
31:53Dad to come home," she announced to
31:55Tanuki. Tanoki stepped back, turning
31:58toward the bench. "Go get your father
32:00at the guild," the mother ordered. "
32:02Hurry, tell him it's important." Corné
32:04looked around and, seeing me, her face
32:07lit up. I got up and went into the
32:09courtyard. I had no choice but to hang
32:12the laundry and wait. Upon his return,
32:17I thought for a moment he would come
32:19find me in the yard, hidden among the
32:21drying sheets. He didn't. I heard him
32:24on the stairs. Then, nothing more. I
32:27leaned against the pleasantly warm
32:29brick wall and looked up. It was a
32:32beautiful day. The cloudless sky was a
32:35serene blue. It was one of those days
32:40where children frolic in the streets
32:43shouting at the top of their lungs,
32:45where lovers pass through the city
32:48gates and leave the mills behind to
32:50walk along the canals. The old women
32:54sit in the sun, closing their eyes. No
32:57doubt my father was sitting on the
32:58bench in front of the house. His face
33:00turned toward the warmth. Tomorrow, I
33:03might, but today, it was spring. They
33:07sent Corné to find me. When she
33:10appeared between the drying clothes and
33:12looked at me with a cruel little smile,
33:14I wanted to slap her. Just like that
33:18first day I came to work for them, I
33:21held back, staying still, hands on my
33:25knees, shoulders hunched. She looked on
33:29, showing her joy; the sun played on
33:32the golden locks inherited from her
33:34mother that streaked her red hair. "You
33:39are wanted in there," she announced. "
33:40They have all gone in.""Thank you.""
33:48They want to see you in there." She
33:51turned around and skipped back into the
33:54house. I bent down to dust off my shoes
33:58. Then, straightening up, I adjusted my
34:01skirt and smoothed my apron. I pulled
34:04the strings of my cap tight so that no
34:06stray strand would stick out. I ran my
34:08tongue over my lips, took a deep breath
34:10, and followed Cornelia. Catharina had
34:13been crying. Her nose was red and her
34:15eyes were swollen. She was sitting on
34:17the stool she usually pulled up to her
34:19easel. This time, it had been pushed
34:22against the wall, and the tray where he
34:26kept his brushes and palette knife was
34:29in sight. She straightened up, imposing
34:31in her stature. Although she stared at
34:36me, she said nothing. She pressed her
34:41arms to her stomach and grimaced toward
34:43the easel; Maria looked composed but
34:45impatient. One would have thought more
34:47important business awaited her. He
34:49stood beside his wife. His face was
34:51expressionless, his hands at his sides,
34:53his eyes on the painting. He was
34:55waiting for some business or other.
34:59Catharina stared at me. I went to stand
35:03in the doorway. Cornelia hovered behind
35:06me. From where I stood, I could not see
35:09the painting. Maria finally spoke. "
35:12Well, girl, your mistress wants to know
35:14how you came to be wearing her earrings
35:16." She said this as if she had not
35:22expected it. Waiting for me to answer.
35:25I studied her withered face. She was
35:29not going to admit that she had helped
35:32me get the earrings. Neither was he. It
35:34was obvious. I did not know what to say
35:38, so I preferred to remain silent. "Did
35:41you steal the key to my jewelry box and
35:43take my earrings?" She asked. It seemed
35:47as if Catharina was trying to convince
35:49herself of what she had said. My voice.
35:54"No, ma'am," even if it would have made
35:57things easier for everyone, I could not
36:00bring myself to say I had stolen them.
36:04"Do not lie, servants steal all the
36:05time.""You took my earrings.""Are you
36:10missing them at this moment, ma'am?"
36:13Catharina seemed as troubled to hear me
36:16ask a question as by the question
36:19itself. Clearly, she had not looked in
36:24her jewelry box. Since she had seen the
36:26painting, she did not know if the
36:27earrings were there or not. One thing
36:30was certain. She didn't like questions
36:32coming from me. "Be quiet, you dirty
36:34thief. He will throw you in prison!" If
36:36she whistles, you won't see the
36:38sunlight again anytime soon, "she said.
36:44Something was wrong.""But madam, come
36:47now, Catharina, don't get into such a
36:49state," he said, interrupting me. He
36:55will take the painting as soon as it is
36:56dry. You won't have to think about it
37:00anymore. He, too, did not want to speak
37:02to me. No one seemed to want to speak
37:04to me. I wondered why he had ordered me
37:07to come up, when he was trembling with
37:09fear at the thought of what I might say
37:11. I could have said, "And what do you
37:13think of all those hours he spent
37:15looking at me while he was painting me?
37:16" I could have said, "And what do you
37:21think of your mother, of your husband,
37:23who acted behind your back to deceive
37:25you?""I could also have simply said,
37:27your husband touched me here in this
37:30room." She had no idea what I might
37:34have said. Catharina was not fooled.
37:37She knew full well that the earrings
37:38were only a pretext. She wanted to see
37:41the real motive. She tried to make him
37:44believe it without succeeding. She
37:48turned to her husband. "Why?" she asked
37:51. "Have you never painted my portrait?"
37:53as they stared at each other. "I
37:56noticed that she was taller than him,
37:59in a way more robust. The children, you
38:02..." and you don't belong in this world
38:06, "he said. You are not supposed to
38:09belong here. And her, does she belong
38:12here? Does she belong here? Catharina
38:14cried out, shaking her head in my
38:17direction; he did not answer. I wished
38:19that Maria, Tanneke, Cornelia, and I
38:21were in the Crucifixion room or at the
38:23market. This was a matter between a man
38:27and his wife, and concerned only them.
38:32And with my earrings. And fell silent
38:38again. Which only increased Catharina's
38:41rage. She shook her head, and her
38:45blonde curls trembled around her ears.
38:48No, I will not allow this under my roof
38:50, she declared. I will never allow it.
38:53I looked around her, feeling very
38:56agitated, when her gaze stopped on the
38:58palette knife. A shiver went through me
39:01. I took a step as she approached the
39:03easel and grabbed the knife. I stopped,
39:07having no idea what she was going to do
39:10. He knew. He knew his wife. He
39:14followed her as she approached the
39:16painting. She was fast, but he
39:19anticipated her move, grabbing her by
39:21the wrist just as she brandished the
39:22sharp point of the knife toward the
39:24painting. He stopped her. The moment
39:29the blade was about to touch my eye
39:31from where I stood. I could see the
39:35wide-open eye, a sense of the earrings
39:38he had just added and the shimmering of
39:41the light hanging before the painting.
39:45Catarina was struggling. He would not
39:48let go of her wrist until she had
39:50dropped the knife. She let out a loud
39:54moan. She threw the knife. She then
39:59clutched her stomach. The knife slid
40:03across the floor to my feet, then began
40:06to spin slower and slower under my
40:09frightened gaze, and it finally came to
40:12a stop. Its blade pointed toward me. It
40:16was up to me to pick it up. Was it not
40:18the servants 'duty to pick up their
40:21masters' things and put them away? I
40:25lifted my eyes, my head. Our eyes met.
40:27My gaze held his gaze for a long moment
40:29. I knew that this would be the last
40:34time. I looked at no one else. In his
40:37eyes, I could read regret. I did not
40:39pick up the knife. I turned around,
40:41left the room, went down the stairs,
40:43crossed the threshold, bumping into
40:45someone. Once in the street, I walked
40:48away without looking at the children
40:50who must have been sitting on the bench
40:52, nor Tanneke who must have been angry
40:54at me because I had pushed her, nor the
40:56workshop windows behind which he could
40:59be standing. I began to run; I went
41:03down as I crossed the bridge leading to
41:05the market square. Only thieves or
41:09children go off running. Having reached
41:13the center of the square, I stopped
41:15inside the circle of stone in the
41:17middle of which was the eight-pointed
41:19star. Each point reached toward a
41:22direction I could follow. I could
41:25return to my parents 'home. I could go
41:28find Peter at the meat market and tell
41:30him I agreed to marry him. I could go
41:33to Van Ruijven's, who would welcome me
41:34with a big smile. I could go to the Van
41:38Ruijvens' and ask them to have pity on
41:40me. I could go to Rotterdam to try and
41:43find Frans there. I could go away alone
41:46. Toward some faraway place. I could
41:50return to the corner of the map. I
41:52could go to the New Church in order to
41:54pray to God to guide me. I could stand
41:56in the middle of the circle and turn
41:58and turn while thinking. Once I had
42:01made my choice, the choice I knew I had
42:04to make, I would carefully place my
42:07feet on the point of the branch and
42:09follow with a firm step the direction
42:12it would indicate. Chapter 4, 1676.
42:20When I looked up, I saw him. I nearly
42:24dropped my knife. It had been ten years
42:26since I had last seen him. He had
42:28hardly changed. Perhaps he had filled
42:31out a little. On her cheek, scars had
42:33been added to the old pockmarks. Merge,
42:37who sometimes stopped by the stall, had
42:39told me about the roast mutton incident
42:42. It had splashed her with scalding fat
42:48. Handling meat had never been without
42:51risk. She kept a certain distance as
42:53well. Was it difficult to tell if she
42:57had really come with the intention of
42:59seeing me? I felt that during the ten
43:04years I had been in Saint-Plas, she had
43:07managed to avoid me in a town that
43:10wasn't even very large. I had never
43:14crossed paths with her at the market,
43:17the meat market, or even along the
43:19canals. I must admit, however, that I
43:22didn't often walk on that side of the
43:25city. She approached the stall. I put
43:30down my knife and wiped my bloodstained
43:32hands on my apron." Hello, Tan! "I said
43:36calmly, as if we had just parted ways."
43:40How are you? "" The Mistress wants to
43:42see you, "she said, sounding abrupt and
43:45furrowing her brows." You must come to
43:47the house this afternoon. "It had been
43:50many years since anyone had spoken to
43:52me in that tone. Customers would ask
43:54for one thing or another. That was
43:57different. I was free to refuse if I
43:59didn't like how they addressed me." How
44:04is Maria? "I asked, trying to be polite
44:07." And how is Catarina? "" As well as
44:10possible, given what happened. "" I am
44:14sure they will get by. "" The Mistress
44:16had to sell her assets, but she managed
44:19well. "" The children will not suffer
44:23for it. "In the past, Tanuki could not
44:30help but sing Maria's praises to anyone
44:33who would listen, being far too
44:38generous with details. Two customers
44:41had arrived. They were waiting for
44:43their turn behind Tanuki. A part of me
44:45would have preferred to be alone with
44:46Tanuki. I would have taken the
44:48opportunity to ask her questions, to
44:50encourage her to give me more details,
44:52to tell me much more about other
44:54subjects. Another part of me, that
45:00common sense I had been clinging to for
45:03so many years, wanted nothing to do
45:05with her. I didn't want to hear any of
45:09it. The two customers shifted to the
45:11side while Tanuki remained standing
45:13there in front of the stall. She was
45:15still furrowing her brows, but her face
45:17had softened. She eyed the cuts of meat
45:21placed before her." Would you like to
45:24buy something? "I asked. My question
45:28pulled her from her stupor." No, "she
45:31muttered. They were now buying their
45:33meat at the other end of the market. As
45:37soon as I had started working with
45:38Peter, they had changed overnight,
45:40without settling their debt. It was
45:43still the 15 guilders that Peter had
45:45never asked them for." That's the price
45:51I paid for you, "he would say to tease
45:53me. Now, I know the price of a servant.
46:00I didn't laugh when I heard him say
46:02that. I felt a small hand tugging at my
46:06clothes. I looked down; little Franz
46:09had found me and was clinging on. I
46:13stroked his head, his curls as blond as
46:16his father's. Ah, there you are, with
46:22where are Jean and your grandmother? He
46:29was too young to tell me, but I spotted
46:32my mother and my eldest son making
46:34their way to me through the stalls.
46:39Tanneke’s gaze went back and forth
46:41toward my sons. Suddenly, her face
46:43hardened. She shot me a look full of
46:46reproach, without sharing her thoughts,
46:48she stepped back, bumping into the
46:50woman behind her." Don't forget to come
46:52by this afternoon, "she ordered." About
46:54that? "She disappeared. Without giving
46:58me time to answer," You have 11
47:00children now. "Merghe and the market
47:04gossip had kept me informed. Catherina,
47:09however, had lost the baby she had
47:11brought into the world on the day of
47:13the painting and palette knife incident
47:15. Unable to make it down to her bed,
47:20she had to give birth in the studio.
47:23The baby had arrived a month early. He
47:26was frail. He died shortly after the
47:29feast celebrating his birth. I had
47:31learned that Tanneke held me
47:32responsible for it. I had for some time
47:36imagined her studio with Catherina’s
47:38stall on the floor, wondering how they
47:41still managed to paint. Jean ran toward
47:46his little brother. He pulled him into
47:48a corner where they played with a bone,
47:52kicking it back and forth to each other
47:56. Who was that? Asked Mother. She had
47:59never met Tanneke. A customer, I
48:02replied, striving to protect her from
48:03anything that might upset her. Since my
48:07father's death, she had become as wary
48:10as a wild dog of anything new or
48:12different, of any change at all. She
48:16didn't buy anything, my mother remarked
48:18. No, we didn't have what she wanted. I
48:22turned to the next customer without
48:24giving my mother time to ask me more
48:27questions. Peter and his father
48:29appeared, both carrying sides of beef.
48:33After dropping them onto the table
48:34behind the stall, they laid them out
48:36with their knives. Little Franz
48:41abandoned the bone they were playing
48:43with. They rushed over to watch them.
48:44My mother stepped back. She had never
48:47gotten used to seeing so much meat.
48:50I’m leaving, she said, picking up her
48:51bucket. Could you watch the boys this
48:53afternoon? I have some errands to run.
48:57Where are you going? I frown. I had
49:00already pointed out to my mother that
49:02she asked too many questions. With age,
49:04she had become suspicious, where she
49:06had no reason to be. This time, however
49:09, although there was something to hide
49:11from her, I felt strangely calm. I did
49:15not answer. It was easier with Peter.
49:18He simply glanced at me while
49:20continuing what he was doing. I gave
49:24him a nod. He had learned since
49:27Bellurette not to ask me questions,
49:29knowing I was sometimes secretive. So,
49:32during our wedding night, he asked no
49:35questions when he noticed, while
49:37removing my headwear, that my ears were
49:40pierced. The holes had healed long ago.
49:46There were only two tiny bumps of flesh
49:48left, which I felt when pinching my
49:50lobes. Months had passed since I had
49:54learned the news. For months, I could
49:57go and come in Delft, wondering if I
49:59would see her or not. Over the years, I
50:03happened to catch a glimpse of him from
50:06afar while he went to the guild, or
50:09passed by his mother's inn, or when he
50:12came to the Van Leven Hooks near the
50:15meat market. I had never approached him
50:19. I could not say if he had seen me. He
50:22walked in the street or crossed the
50:24square looking into the distance,
50:27neither out of arrogance nor
50:29deliberation. But as if he were moving
50:33in a different universe. At first, it
50:35was very hard for me. As soon as I
50:37caught sight of him, I remained rooted
50:39to the spot where I was. I was
50:43petrified. I could no longer breathe. I
50:49had to hide my reaction from Peter the
50:50father as well as Peter the son, hide
50:52it from my mother and the market crowds
50:54. I long believed that I might still
50:58matter to him. After a while, I
51:01eventually admitted that it was always
51:04more about my portrait than myself. It
51:07became easier to accept that after the
51:10birth of my son. My focus had become my
51:15family, as it had been before I was
51:18placed as a servant. It took up so much
51:21of my time that it was no longer
51:23possible to look around me. With a baby
51:26in my arms, I no longer went to consult
51:28the eight-pointed stars. Curious to
51:30know where they led. When I spotted him
51:34across the square, my heart tightened
51:37no more. I no longer thought of pearls
51:41or furs. I no longer felt the need to
51:44see those paintings again. Sometimes I
51:47would run into the other members of the
51:49Catina family in the street, the
51:51children. Maria Sins. Catarina and I
51:56would turn away from each other.
51:58Corneli looked at me with
51:59disappointment, for she had failed to
52:02destroy me. Lisbeth was very busy with
52:05the boys, too young to remember me.
52:08When he is told She reminded me of her
52:12father, with her gray eyes darting
52:14about without ever settling near her.
52:21After a while, other children arrived.
52:24I no longer knew them, or I only
52:26recognized them by their eyes,
52:28recalling their father's, or their hair
52:30, recalling their mother's. Only Marie
52:34Hersin's mother would acknowledge my
52:35greetings. Marieine would settle for a
52:38brief nod when she saw me, when Merge
52:40and what happened had to walk to the
52:43butcher's to come and find me. It was
52:48she who brought me back my treasures,
52:50my broken tile, my prayer book, my
52:52collars, my caps. It was she, too, who
52:56told me over the years of the master's
52:58mother's death. How he had to take over
53:02managing the inn, the way their debts
53:04were piling up, the incident with
53:06Tanuki and the burning oil. It was she,
53:10again, who one day announced:" Papa is
53:14painting my portrait the same way he
53:16painted yours. "Me, all alone, looking
53:19over my shoulder. They would be the
53:23only two paintings he would ever do
53:24like that." Not quite the same way, "I
53:28thought. Not quite. I was surprised
53:32that she knew of that painting, even
53:34wondering if she had seen it. I had to
53:39be careful with her. For a long time,
53:42she had been nothing but a little girl.
53:44Also, I did not feel free to ask her
53:45too many questions about her family. I
53:48had to wait impatiently for her to
53:52bring me scraps of news. Once she was
53:58old enough to speak more freely, I was
54:00no longer truly interested in her
54:02family, having my own by then. Peter
54:05would keep up his visits, but I
54:06realized she made him uncomfortable.
54:09She was relieved the day she married a
54:12silk merchant's son. She then spaced
54:16out her visits and changed butchers.
54:20And now, after ten years, I was being
54:22called back to the house I had left so
54:24suddenly. Two months earlier, I was
54:28cutting beef tongue when I heard a
54:30customer waiting for her turn say to
54:33another customer: Yes, just think, to
54:35die and leave eleven children and a
54:37widow. Facing such debts, I raised my
54:42head. The knife cut into my palm. I
54:46felt no pain until I asked," Who are
54:47you talking about? "And the woman
54:50replied," The painter Vermeer is dead.
54:53"I scrubbed my nails with particular
54:58vigor when I finished at the stall. It
55:03had been a long time since I had given
55:04up on keeping them spotless. Which
55:06amused Peter the father:" You see,
55:08you've ended up getting used to having
55:09traces of blood under your nails. ""
55:11Just as you've ended up getting used to
55:13the flies, "he liked to say," now that
55:15you've lived a little. "" You can see
55:19there's no reason to always have clean
55:21hands. "" She's just tidying up, that's
55:22all. "" Cleanliness isn't as important
55:24as you believed back when you were a
55:25servant. "Isn't that true? Yet I would
55:28sometimes crush lavender and hide it
55:30under my chemise to mask the smell of
55:32meat that seemed to cling to me even
55:34when I was far from the meat market.
55:38There were many things I had had to get
55:40used to. I changed my dress, put on a
55:42clean apron and a freshly starched cap.
55:46I continued to wear my cap as before.
55:48No doubt I had hardly changed since the
55:51day I had started as a servant. Except
55:54that my eyes were no longer as wide
56:00open or as innocent. Even though it was
56:04February, it was not bitterly cold.
56:08There were many people in the market
56:10square, our customers, our neighbors,
56:11acquaintances who did not fail to
56:13notice my first steps in a long time.
56:18Since in 10 years. I would eventually
56:23have to tell Peter that I had gone
56:25there. I did not yet know if I would
56:27have to lie to him. As for the reason
56:29for my visit, I crossed the square,
56:31then the bridge leading to the Oude
56:32Langendijk. I walked with a determined
56:35stride, anxious not to attract
56:36attention. I turned the corner and went
56:38up the street. It was not far. In less
56:41than a minute, I was at their house,
56:43even though it felt like an eternity. I
56:45had the impression of going to a
56:47foreign city where I hadn't set foot
56:50for years. It was mild, the door was
56:53open, and children were sitting on the
56:55bench. I counted four of them, two boys
56:57and two girls. They were lined up there
57:01like their older sisters the day I
57:02arrived, 10 years earlier. The eldest
57:05was having fun blowing soap bubbles
57:07like Maertge, and she put down her wand
57:09when she saw me. She appeared to be 10
57:11or 11 years old. After a moment, I
57:14understood. that it was undoubtedly
57:16Franciscus, even if I could barely
57:18recognize the baby I had once known in
57:20him. But back then, I wasn't really
57:23interested in babies. I didn't
57:25recognize the others, except for having
57:27crossed paths with them in town with
57:30their elders. They all stared at me. I
57:34addressed Franciscus. Be so kind as to
57:36tell your grandmother that Gratte would
57:38like to see her. Franciscus turned
57:42toward the older of the two girls.
57:44Beatrix, go fetch Maria Thins. The
57:51little girl jumped up and disappeared
57:53into the house. I was reminded of how
57:56Maertge and Cornelia used to scramble
57:58to announce my arrival. I smiled to
58:01myself. The children continued to stare
58:04at me." I know who you are, "Franciscus
58:07declared. I would be surprised if you
58:10remembered me. The last time I saw you,
58:13you were just a baby. He paid no
58:16attention to my remark. He was
58:20following his own train of thought. You
58:21are the lady in the painting. I opened
58:23my eyes wide. Franciscus let out a
58:27triumphant laugh. Yes, it's you. Even
58:32if in the painting you aren't wearing a
58:34cap, but a blue and yellow turban.
58:37Where is that painting? My question
58:39sounded out of place to Van Ruijven's
58:41daughter. Of course, he died recently,
58:45you know. I had heard the news at the
58:48market, not without a certain sense of
58:50relief. Even though Van Ruijven had
58:54left me alone after I left, I always
58:56feared seeing him appear with his oily
58:58smile and wandering hands:" How did you
59:00see the painting if it was at Van
59:02Ruijven's? "" Papa had asked him to
59:05lend it to him for a while, "Franciscus
59:08explained." The day after Papa's death,
59:11Mama had it returned to Van Ruijven's
59:13daughter. "I adjusted my cap. He had
59:22wished to see the painting again." Was
59:24it a success? "I asked in a very small
59:26voice. Yes, my child. Maria had just
59:31arrived. She stood on the threshold. I
59:35can tell you that it didn't make things
59:37any better. But he was in such a state
59:40that we didn't dare refuse him. Not
59:42even Catharina. She had not changed.
59:46She would never grow old. She would
59:48never grow old. One day, she would
59:52simply fall asleep and not wake up. I
59:56nodded in agreement. I share your
1:00:00sorrow and your worries, Madam. Yes, we
1:00:03must admit that life is sheer madness.
1:00:08Provided one lives long enough, nothing
1:00:10surprises you anymore. Not knowing how
1:00:13to react to such remarks, I merely said
1:00:16," You wish to see me, Madam? "" No,
1:00:18it's Catharina who wants to see you. ""
1:00:20Catharina, "my voice betrayed my
1:00:22surprise. Catarina, Maria Thins, a sly
1:00:26smile. So you will never be able to
1:00:29keep your thoughts to yourself, my girl
1:00:31. What does it matter? I am sure you
1:00:33get along well with your butcher of a
1:00:34Maria, if she doesn't demand too much
1:00:36of you. I opened my mouth to reply, but
1:00:39closed it immediately. That’s good,
1:00:41you’re learning. Catharina and van
1:00:43Ruijven are in the great hall. He is
1:00:46the executor of the will. Do you see it
1:00:48? Do you? I saw nothing of it. I wanted
1:00:52to ask her what she meant by that. The
1:00:55reason for van Ruijven's presence. But
1:00:59I didn't dare. Yes, ma'am, was all I
1:01:02replied. Maria Thins let out a
1:01:04sarcastic little laugh. Never have we
1:01:08had so much trouble with a servant, she
1:01:09muttered, shaking her head before
1:01:11disappearing into the house. I entered
1:01:13the antechamber. There were still
1:01:15paintings on the wall; I recognized
1:01:17some. Others I did not; I more or less
1:01:20expected to find myself among the still
1:01:22lifes and seascapes. But of course, I
1:01:25was not there. I cast a glance at the
1:01:29staircase. Toward the stairs leading to
1:01:33his studio, and I stopped. My heart
1:01:36tightened, finding myself in this house
1:01:38with his studio above my head. It was
1:01:41too much for me, even though I knew he
1:01:43was not there. All these years, I had
1:01:46tried not to think back on the hours
1:01:48spent grinding colors beside him,
1:01:49sitting near the window, watching him
1:01:51watch me. For the first time in two
1:01:54months, I fully realized that he was
1:01:57dead, that he was dead and would never
1:02:02paint again. He had not left many
1:02:05paintings. And had never painted as
1:02:07quickly as Maria Thins and Catharina
1:02:09would have wished. A young girl who had
1:02:13been in the room with the crucifix
1:02:14poked her head into the antechamber. I
1:02:17took a deep breath and stepped toward
1:02:19her. Cornelia was about the age I had
1:02:24been when I was placed as a servant.
1:02:27Over the course of these ten years, her
1:02:30red hair had darkened. It was styled
1:02:34simply. Without ribbons or pins. With
1:02:37time, I found her less threatening. To
1:02:42tell the truth, I almost felt sorry for
1:02:45her. Her face reflected a malice
1:02:47unsuited to a girl of her age. She was
1:02:51asking me what would become of her.
1:02:57What would become of us all. Tanneke
1:02:59may well have been convinced that her
1:03:00mistress would settle things. I had
1:03:02heard it said at the market. That she
1:03:05had not paid the baker for three years,
1:03:08and that upon the death of my master,
1:03:11the baker had shown compassion toward
1:03:13Maria Thins by accepting a painting to
1:03:16settle the debt. For a brief moment, I
1:03:21wondered if Catharina was asking me for
1:03:25a painting to repay what she owed as
1:03:28Corné slipped away. I entered the
1:03:33great hall. It had hardly changed since
1:03:36the time I worked for them. The green
1:03:39silk hangings around the bed had faded.
1:03:42The chest with ivory-inlaid locks was
1:03:43still there. As were the table, the
1:03:46armchairs, the Spanish leather wall
1:03:47hangings, and the portraits of their
1:03:49respective daughters. Everything seemed
1:03:52more precious, older, dustier, and in
1:03:55worse condition. The red and brown
1:03:59floor tiles were cracked, and in some
1:04:01places, they were even missing. His
1:04:05back to the door, hands behind him, Van
1:04:07was studying a painting depicting
1:04:10soldiers drinking in a tavern. He
1:04:13turned and bowed his head upon seeing
1:04:15me, always as kind and courteous as
1:04:17ever. Catharina was sitting at the
1:04:20table. Contrary to what I expected, she
1:04:23was not dressed in black. I do not know
1:04:26if she had sought to provoke me or not,
1:04:28but she wore the yellow jacket
1:04:30embroidered with ermine, which appeared
1:04:36also faded as if it had been worn too
1:04:41often. The tears had been poorly mended
1:04:45, and moths had eaten away at the fur
1:04:48in places. Nevertheless, Catharina
1:04:50played her role as an elegant mistress
1:04:52of the house. She had styled her hair
1:04:56with care, powdered her face, and put
1:04:58on her pearl necklace. Her face did not
1:05:00match her elegance. All the powder in
1:05:03the world could not have hidden her
1:05:05cold anger, her reluctance, her fear.
1:05:09She did not want to meet with me, but
1:05:12she had no choice. You wished to see me
1:05:16, Madame? It seemed advisable for me to
1:05:19address her directly, even though I was
1:05:21looking at Van Levenh while I spoke to
1:05:26her. Yes. Catharina did not ask me to
1:05:30sit as she would have for any other
1:05:32woman. She did not ask me to sit. She
1:05:41left me standing. There was an awkward
1:05:44silence. With her sitting and me
1:05:47standing, waiting for her to begin, it
1:05:48was clear she was making a great effort
1:05:50to speak. Van Levenh was swaying from
1:05:53one foot to the other. I did not try to
1:05:55help her. Besides, I do not see how I
1:05:56could have. I watched her hands move
1:05:59papers on the table and caress the
1:06:01edges of her jewelry box, which was
1:06:04against her elbow. She grabbed the
1:06:06powder puff only to set it down again.
1:06:09She wiped her hands with a piece of
1:06:10white cloth. You are aware that my
1:06:15husband died two months ago, are you
1:06:16not? She said at last. I heard as much,
1:06:19Madame. Yes. I was very saddened. May
1:06:23God rest his soul. Catharina did not
1:06:26seem to understand my poor words. She
1:06:29picked up the powder puff once more,
1:06:31running her fingers through the hairs.
1:06:34You see, it’s the war with France
1:06:37that put us in this situation. Back
1:06:39then, even Van Riven didn't want to buy
1:06:41paintings anymore. My mother had
1:06:44trouble collecting the rent. He was
1:06:46forced to pay off the mortgage on your
1:06:48mother's inn. Consequently, it was no
1:06:51wonder that life had become so
1:06:53difficult. An explanation for why I
1:06:58understood was the last thing I heard
1:07:01from Catherine, 15 florins wasn't a
1:07:04very large sum. Oh, I meant to tell you
1:07:07Peter is forgiving you for it, don't
1:07:10dwell on it. I made a note, however,
1:07:12not to interrupt him. And then there
1:07:14were the children. Do you realize the
1:07:17amount of bread that 11 children eat?
1:07:21She cast a quick glance, then gazed at
1:07:23the powder puff again. They devour the
1:07:27value of a painting in three years, I
1:07:30answered silently. The value of a very
1:07:39fine painting in the eyes of a
1:07:41compassionate baker. I heard a
1:07:50floorboard creak in the hallway, the
1:07:53rustle of a dress, a stifled sigh.
1:07:56Cornelia is is in the process of, I
1:07:59thought. She too has her part to play
1:08:03in this drama. I held my breath,
1:08:05keeping my questions to myself. Van
1:08:07spoke at last. You see, Griet. When
1:08:10there is a will, he began, in a grave
1:08:12voice, it is necessary to inventory the
1:08:15estate in order to evaluate the assets,
1:08:17taking debts into account. Catarina
1:08:20would prefer, however, to start by
1:08:22settling certain personal matters. He
1:08:25glanced at Catarina. She continued to
1:08:28play with the powder puff. They don't
1:08:31like each other any more than before, I
1:08:33said to myself. He wouldn't even be in
1:08:36the same room if he could avoid it. Van
1:08:39Leewenhoek, who was at the table. He
1:08:42sent me this letter 10 days before his
1:08:44death. And then, he said, he told me.
1:08:49Then, turning to Catarina, he continued
1:08:51. But it is for you to do it, because
1:08:55it belongs to you and not to him or me.
1:09:00As executor of the will, I shouldn't
1:09:08even be here to serve as a witness, but
1:09:10he was a friend. So I wanted to see his
1:09:14wish fulfilled. Catarina snatched the
1:09:18paper from his hands. My husband was in
1:09:22good health, you know that, she said to
1:09:24me. He was only truly ill for a day or
1:09:28two before he died.
1:09:30It was his debts that drove him to such
1:09:32a state.
1:09:35I had a hard time imagining my master
1:09:37in such a state. Catarina looked at the
1:09:40letter after a glance toward Van
1:09:42Leeuwenhoek. She opened her jewelry box
1:09:46. He asked that you have this. She took
1:09:52the earrings, hesitated for a moment,
1:09:54then set them on the table. Nearly
1:09:57fainting, I closed my eyes, resting my
1:09:59fingertips on the back of the chair to
1:10:01steady myself. I never wore them again,
1:10:07Catarina declared in my mother's voice.
1:10:09I couldn't anymore. I opened my eyes. I
1:10:12cannot take your earrings, ma'am. Why
1:10:14not? You took them once before, and
1:10:19besides, it isn't up to you to decide.
1:10:22He decided for you and for me. They are
1:10:25yours now. Take them. I hesitated, then
1:10:29reached out my hand and took them. They
1:10:31were cool. They felt exactly as I
1:10:34remembered them. In their gray and
1:10:37white curves, a tiny world was
1:10:39reflected. I took them. And now, go,
1:10:46Catarina ordered in a stifled voice,
1:10:49holding back tears. I have done what he
1:10:53asked. I will do nothing more. She
1:10:57stood up, crumpled the paper, and threw
1:10:59it into the fire. She watched it go up
1:11:03in flames with her back turned to me. I
1:11:06truly felt pity for her. Even though
1:11:08she could not see it, I bowed my head
1:11:10to her respectfully. Then I nodded to
1:11:12Van Levine, who answered me with a
1:11:14smile. Make sure you stay yourself, he
1:11:17had advised me years earlier. I
1:11:19wondered if I had managed to do that.
1:11:21It was not always easy to tell. I
1:11:25clutched my earrings tightly. Making
1:11:28the distant tiles creak. Fornellia was
1:11:30standing in the hallway. Her brown
1:11:32dress had been mended in several places
1:11:34. It was not as clean as it could have
1:11:37been. I brushed past her. She whispered
1:11:39," Greedy. "You could give them to me.
1:11:45It's not right. I reached out and
1:11:48slapped her. Back at the marketplace, I
1:11:53stopped near the star in the center and
1:11:55gazed at the pearls in my hand. I could
1:11:58not keep them. What would I do with
1:11:59them? I could not tell Peter how they
1:12:01had come into my possession. I would
1:12:04have had to explain everything that had
1:12:06happened so long ago. And besides, I
1:12:09could never wear such jewels. They
1:12:11suited a butcher's wife no more than a
1:12:13servant. I circled the star several
1:12:16times, then headed toward a shop I had
1:12:19heard of but never entered. It was
1:12:21tucked away in an alley behind the new
1:12:23church. I never would have set foot in
1:12:25such a place years earlier. The man's
1:12:28business was secrets. I knew he would
1:12:31ask me no questions. would not tell
1:12:35anyone that I had come to see him.
1:12:37Having seen countless treasures pass by
1:12:39, they were no longer interested in
1:12:41their little stories. He looked at the
1:12:44earrings in the light, biting them. He
1:12:46took them out to examine them in the
1:12:48daylight. 20 Florins, he said. I nodded
1:12:51, took the coins he offered me, and
1:12:54left without looking back. There would
1:12:57be five florins left whose existence I
1:13:00could explain. I pulled out five coins
1:13:02that I squeezed tightly in my palm. I
1:13:05will hide them there; Peter and his
1:13:08sons won't find them in a place known
1:13:11only to me. I will never spend them.
1:13:14Peter will be happy with the rest of
1:13:16the money. The debt is now settled. I
1:13:20will owe him nothing; I will have cost
1:13:21him nothing. A servant, that cost
1:13:24nothing.
1:13:32The book is finished. Thank you for
1:13:34listening. M.

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