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La formula per parlare con le donne e mantenerle interessate – Secondo Machiavelli — Transcript

by Scorciatoia della saggezza · 3,630 words · 568 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Do you know what the biggest mistake a
0:02man can make when talking to a woman is
0:04? Thinking he has to impress her. I,
0:09Niccolò Machiavelli, have observed the
0:11dynamics of power all my life, not only
0:14in courts and palaces, but also in the
0:17most intimate relationships between men
0:19and women. And I will tell you
0:22something that many people do not want
0:24to admit. The rules of power are
0:26universal. When I wrote The Prince,
0:30everyone thought I was only talking
0:32about politics, but those who have
0:34truly understood my work know that I
0:37was describing human nature. And human
0:40nature does not change, whether it is
0:42conquering a kingdom or winning the
0:44heart of a woman. Let me tell you about
0:48sprezzatura, this forgotten art that
0:50separates the ordinary men from the
0:53truly charming ones. Sprezzatura is
0:56that natural grace, that ability to
0:58perform difficult things, while making
1:00it seem as though they require
1:01absolutely no effort at all. It is the
1:04opposite of arrogance. The arrogant man
1:07shouts to the world how great he is.
1:10The man with sprezzatura lets others
1:13discover it. When you speak with a
1:15woman, you must not play a role, you
1:17must not puff out your chest like a
1:19peacock or list your many achievements
1:22as if you were presenting a formal
1:23report to a military superior during a
1:26briefing. That’s the behavior of
1:28someone who is afraid, someone who
1:30doubts their worth. And women, believe
1:34me, sense fear. Just as wolves sense
1:37wounded prey, true confidence is
1:40manifested in calmness. Speak
1:43decisively, but take your time. Look
1:46her in the eyes, but don’t stare.
1:49Take up your space, but don’t invade
1:53hers. It’s a delicate balance, I know
1:56, but it’s precisely this delicacy
1:59that creates charm. Let me give you a
2:02concrete example. When you meet an
2:04interesting woman, don’t start the
2:06conversation by talking about yourself.
2:09That’s a beginner’s mistake. Start
2:12with an intelligent observation,
2:14perhaps about something you’ve
2:16noticed about her or her surroundings.
2:20Show that you can see beyond the
2:22surface, and when you do talk about
2:24yourself, do so naturally, as if it
2:27were the most normal thing in the world
2:29. If you have enjoyed what you have
2:32heard so far, I would like to invite
2:34you to subscribe to this channel. Here
2:36I share strategies that I’ve honed
2:39over centuries of observing human
2:41nature. Strategies that work today as
2:44well as they did in 15 th-century
2:46Florence. Remember, sprezzatura isn’t
2:50pretending to be someone else; it’s
2:53being yourself fully, but without the
2:56desperate need to prove it. It’s the
2:59difference between someone who seeks
3:01approval and someone who simply exists
3:03confidently. But confidence alone
3:06isn’t enough. You can be the most
3:09confident man in the world, but if you
3:11don’t know when to speak and when to
3:13listen, you’ve already lost the game.
3:16And that brings us directly to the
3:18second fundamental principle. Listening
3:22seems simple, doesn’t it? Yet it is
3:25the rarest skill that I have ever had
3:27occasion to observe in men. During the
3:30many years that I spent as a diplomat,
3:32I learned a fundamental lesson. Those
3:35who speak reveal, those who listen
3:38conquer. You see, when I was at the
3:40court of Cesare Borgia, I learned that
3:43true power didn’t lie in giving long
3:45speeches or dominating every
3:47conversation. The power lay in
3:50observing, in listening, and in
3:52catching everything that other people
3:54were not saying in an open way. Caesar
3:57would win his battles even before
3:59drawing his sword, because he knew his
4:01enemies much better than they could
4:04have ever known themselves. It works
4:06exactly the same way with women, but
4:09I’m not talking about passive
4:11listening where you nod your head
4:13mechanically while you think about what
4:16to say next. That’s the listening of
4:19cowards, of people who just wait their
4:22turn to speak. I’m talking about
4:25strategic listening, the kind that
4:27transforms an ordinary conversation
4:29into a moment of true connection. When
4:33a woman talks to you, she’s giving
4:35you a map of her inner world. Every
4:38word she chooses, every pause she makes
4:41, and every emotion that shines through
4:43is valuable information, yet most men
4:45are simply too occupied with thinking
4:48about how they might impress her to
4:50ever actually notice it. Allow me to
4:53demonstrate to you how it is actually
4:55done when she talks about her day.
4:58Don’t sit there thinking about what
5:00clever joke to make in return. Listen
5:03to the tone of her voice. Is she
5:06excited, frustrated, nostalgic? Then
5:11ask questions that show you’ve picked
5:12up on those details. Not trivial
5:15questions like, “Oh, yeah, and then
5:17what?” But questions that dig deeper.
5:21If she tells you she had a tough day at
5:23work, don’t immediately respond with
5:26the solution to her problem. Men make
5:29this mistake all the time. They think
5:32women want immediate solutions, but
5:34often what they want is to be
5:36understood. Instead, ask what made you
5:40feel that way or how you handled the
5:44situation. You’re valuing her
5:47experience, not just the problem. And
5:51here’s the part that separates the
5:53masters from the amateurs. Remember the
5:56details. When weeks later you ask her
5:59how that important presentation she
6:01told you about went, or if she finally
6:03bought that book she had been wanting,
6:05you are demonstrating something quite
6:07powerful. You’re showing that she’s
6:11not interchangeable, that she occupies
6:14real space in your mind. This is what I
6:17call strategic listening. It’s not
6:20manipulation, it’s applied emotional
6:23intelligence. It’s recognizing that
6:26every human being wants to feel seen,
6:29heard, and understood, and those who
6:31can provide that become irresistible.
6:35But be careful, there’s one deadly
6:37mistake you need to avoid. Don’t turn
6:40listening into an interrogation,
6:42don’t ask 10 questions in a row like
6:45an inquisitor. Strategic listening is a
6:48dialogue, not a turn-taking monologue.
6:51You should also share, but do so only
6:53in response to what she has actually
6:55said. Create a natural flow where you
6:59both feel heard. Also, and this is
7:02crucial, listen to the silences.
7:05Sometimes what a woman doesn’t say is
7:07more important than what she does. If
7:10she changes the subject quickly when
7:12you touch on a certain topic, it means
7:14something. If her eyes light up when
7:17she talks about a particular passion,
7:20it means something. Become scholars of
7:23these subtle details; however,
7:25listening alone, as powerful as it may
7:28be, is not sufficient if you do not
7:30know when the time has come to speak
7:32and when the time has come to remain
7:35silent. Timing, my friends, is
7:38everything. Timing. This is perhaps the
7:42most difficult lesson that I can teach
7:44you, because it requires something
7:46which the vast majority of men do not
7:48actually possess. Patience and
7:51self-control. When I was secretary of
7:55the Republic of Florence, I saw
7:57powerful men lose everything because
8:00they spoke at the wrong time. I have
8:03seen men conquer kingdoms simply by
8:05knowing when to act and when to wait.
8:09History does not reward those who talk
8:11the most, it rewards those who speak
8:13best and at the right time. In
8:15conversation with a woman, timing is
8:18the most subtle and powerful weapon you
8:20possess, but the vast majority of men
8:23feel an absolute terror when faced with
8:25the silence. As soon as there is a
8:29pause in the conversation they rush to
8:31fill it with anything, no matter how
8:33trivial. This, my dears, is the
8:37behavior of one who requires constant
8:39approval, and the person who is seeking
8:41that constant approval can never be
8:43considered to be truly charming.
8:46Silences are not voids to be filled,
8:48they are spaces to be inhabited with
8:51confidence. When there is a pause in
8:54the conversation, do not rush to fill
8:57it. Smile, maintain eye contact, let
9:01the moment breathe. This creates
9:05tension, but it is a positive, electric
9:08tension. It is the moment when she
9:11wonders what you are thinking and that
9:13is exactly where you want her mind to
9:16be. Let me give you a practical example
9:19. She tells you something personal,
9:22something important. Your instinct
9:25tells you to respond immediately, to
9:28say something profound or comforting.
9:31Resist this instinct. Take a pause,
9:35look her in the eyes for 23 seconds,
9:38and then respond with calmness and
9:41intention. This pause communicates that
9:44you are truly processing what she has
9:47said, that her words hold weight for
9:49you. But be careful, timing is not just
9:53about when to be silent, it is also
9:55about knowing when to say the perfect
9:58moment to say that right thing, that
10:00clever joke, that sharp observation.
10:03And how do you recognize this moment?
10:06Through the constant observation I
10:09mentioned earlier. When you feel the
10:12conversation is becoming too serious or
10:14too heavy, that is the perfect moment
10:16for a clever joke to lighten the
10:18atmosphere; but it should not be just
10:20any joke, rather one that clearly
10:22demonstrates that you were paying close
10:25attention to everything that has been
10:27said. When instead you sense that she
10:29wants to be taken seriously, that she
10:31is in need of some depth, that is
10:33certainly not the right moment for any
10:35levity. Timing is knowing how to read
10:38these moments and adapt. Then there is
10:42also the matter of timing in messages,
10:44in calls, in meetings. Don’t always
10:48be immediately available. Don’t get
10:51me wrong. I am not suggesting that you
10:53play hard to get, the way that immature
10:55children often choose to do. I’m
10:57telling you to have your own life, your
11:00own interests, your own commitments. If
11:03she texts you and you’re in the
11:06middle of something important, finish
11:08what you’re doing before responding.
11:11That’s not being rude, it’s being
11:14prioritized and respectful of her own
11:17time. When Cesare Borgia wanted to
11:20conquer a city, he didn’t attack
11:23right away, he waited, he studied, and
11:26when he finally acted, he did so when
11:29his enemy was most vulnerable. You need
11:33to do the same with your words. Don’t
11:36throw everything you have at the first
11:38conversation. Take your time, reveal
11:42yourself gradually, and above all,
11:44learn to recognize when it’s time to
11:47leave. Yes, you heard me right, one of
11:51the most powerful moves you can make is
11:53to end the conversation while it’s
11:56still at its peak, while you’re both
11:58having fun. Don’t wait for the energy
12:02to run out. When you feel that the
12:05moment is perfect, smile and say: "It
12:07has been quite pleasant, but I must be
12:10going now." She will be left wanting
12:14more, and desire is the engine of
12:16interest. Timing is also about knowing
12:19when to say nothing about yourself,
12:21when to maintain that veneer of mystery
12:24that makes a man intriguing. And that
12:27brings us perfectly to the next
12:29fundamental principle, mystery. Oh,
12:33this is perhaps my favorite lesson
12:35because it goes against everything the
12:38modern world tells you to do. Today,
12:41everyone tells you to be open, to share
12:45everything, to be completely
12:47transparent. Nonsense, dangerous
12:51nonsense. Allow me to share with you
12:54something about human nature that I
12:56have observed throughout my entire life
12:58. The completely known ceases to be
13:02interesting. It is a universal law, as
13:06immutable as gravity. When a territory
13:10has been fully explored, when every
13:12nook and cranny has been mapped, the
13:14conquerors lose interest and seek out
13:17new lands to discover. You are that
13:20territory, and if you reveal everything
13:23about yourself in the first
13:25conversation or the first week or the
13:28first month, you are making a fatal
13:30mistake. You are robbing the woman in
13:34front of you of the pleasure of
13:36discovery, the thrill of exploration,
13:38the desire to know more. When I was
13:41young and frequented the Italian courts
13:44, I noticed something interesting. Men
13:47who recounted their entire lives at a
13:49first meeting, opening up completely in
13:52the belief that this would create
13:54intimacy, were quickly forgotten, while
13:57those who maintained a certain reserve,
13:59revealing themselves just as one might
14:02leaf through the pages of an intriguing
14:05book, remained etched in the memory for
14:07many years. But be careful, maintaining
14:11mystery does not mean lying or being
14:14irritatingly evasive. It does not mean
14:18answering every question with "It's
14:20complicated" or acting evasive like a
14:23criminal under interrogation. This is
14:26the behavior of the insecure, of those
14:28who have nothing interesting to hide
14:31and therefore must pretend. True
14:34mystery is strategic and authentic at
14:37the same time. When she asks you a
14:40personal question, answer, but not
14:43completely. Give enough to satisfy the
14:47immediate curiosity, but always leave a
14:50thread that can be pulled together
14:52later. If she asks you about your past,
14:55tell an interesting story, but vaguely
14:58hint that there are other stories,
15:01other chapters that perhaps one day you
15:04will share. Let me give you a concrete
15:06example. She asks you, "What led you to
15:10do this job? Would you be able to
15:13answer by providing your entire
15:14professional biography, including every
15:16single detail and every decision made?"
15:19Or you could say, "There was a moment a
15:22few years ago when I realized that I
15:25had to change direction entirely. It
15:28was certainly one of the most difficult
15:30decisions that I have ever had to make.
15:31" Then smile and change the subject
15:34slightly. See what you’ve done?
15:38You’ve given her a taste, but not the
15:40full meal. Now, questions are running
15:43through her mind. What happened? Why
15:46was it hard? What did you do before?
15:50This is especially important to
15:52consider when it comes to your own
15:54personal emotions and vulnerabilities.
15:57Yes, it’s important to be capable of
16:00emotional depth, but don’t unload
16:02everything on her as if she were your
16:05personal confessor. Men who speak of
16:08all their insecurities, of all their
16:11problems, and of all their fears during
16:14the initial phase are looking for a
16:17mother, not building any genuine
16:19attraction. Reveal your vulnerabilities
16:23gradually and only once she has earned
16:25that specific privilege through her
16:28consistent presence and her
16:30demonstration of genuine interest. A
16:33small admission of imperfection at the
16:35right time is powerful. A thousand
16:38admissions at the wrong time are
16:41pathetic, and then there’s the
16:43mystery of your activities, your
16:45interests, your life when you’re not
16:48with her. Don’t tell her every detail
16:52of your day. Do not be the type of man
16:55who constantly sends messages about
16:57every little thing that he is currently
16:59doing. You have a rich, interesting,
17:02full life. She only sees a part of it,
17:06and that’s fine. When she asks what
17:09you did over the weekend and you did
17:12something interesting, don’t give all
17:14the details. Say, “I did something
17:17I’ve wanted to do for a long time.”
17:19It was an interesting experience. If
17:22she’s curious, she’ll ask more, but
17:25even then, give information sparingly.
17:29It is not annoying secrecy; it is
17:31simply not feeling the need to document
17:33every single moment of your existence
17:35for the world to see. Always remember,
17:39the completely predictable man is the
17:42completely forgettable man. When she
17:45thinks she’s got you figured out
17:47completely, when she thinks she knows
17:49exactly how you’re going to react,
17:51what you’re going to say, what
17:53you’re going to do, the excitement
17:55starts to fade. But if every now and
17:58then you surprise her with an
18:00unexpected reaction, with an interest
18:03she didn’t know about, with a depth
18:05she hadn’t yet explored, you remain
18:08interesting. Mystery keeps curiosity
18:11alive, and curiosity keeps interest
18:14alive. But there’s one final element,
18:18perhaps the most important of all, that
18:21ties all these principles together, and
18:24that is calculated authenticity. This
18:27is the principle that unifies
18:29everything I’ve talked about so far,
18:31and it’s also the most misunderstood.
18:34Many would say it’s a contradiction.
18:37How can you be authentic and strategic
18:40at the same time? But those who say
18:43this have not truly understood either
18:45authenticity or strategy. When I wrote
18:48The Prince, many accused me of teaching
18:52deceit, falsehood, and outright
18:54manipulation. But those who read
18:57carefully understood that I was talking
19:00about something much more subtle, the
19:03ability to present the truth in the
19:05most effective way possible. Not lying
19:08about who you are, but choosing which
19:11aspects of yourself to show and when to
19:13show them. You see, each of us is
19:16complex. We are multifaceted creatures,
19:20with strengths and flaws, with moments
19:23of strength and moments of weakness,
19:26with deep interests and shallow
19:28passions. Calculated authenticity means
19:31being aware of this complexity and
19:34strategically choosing which sides of
19:37ourselves we decide to reveal at any
19:40given moment in time. It does not mean
19:43pretending to be someone you are not.
19:46That is unsustainable and will always
19:48be exposed in the end. If you don’t
19:51like contemporary art, don’t pretend
19:54to be passionate about it just because
19:56it is. If you haven’t read a certain
19:59book, don’t pretend to have. This
20:02kind of fakery is pathetic and doomed
20:05to collapse, but this is what
20:07calculated authenticity means. If you
20:10have 10 interesting qualities, don’t
20:13show them all in the first conversation
20:15. If you have deep passions for certain
20:18topics, do not lay them all out as if
20:20you were in the process of presenting a
20:22job resume to someone. Select, dose,
20:25and present the best and most
20:27interesting version of who you really
20:30are. Let me give you an example from my
20:33own life. I was a diplomat, a writer, a
20:36political theorist, a passionate lover
20:38of the theater, and a keen observer of
20:41human nature. I had strong opinions
20:44about almost everything, but when I met
20:47someone new, I didn’t present them
20:49all at once. I revealed one side at a
20:52time, allowing each individual facet of
20:54my complex personality to emerge quite
20:56naturally at the very right moment.
20:59That’s exactly how it works with
21:01women. If you are passionate about
21:03philosophy, do not start your very
21:05first conversation with a monologue
21:08about Plato, but if the discussion
21:10naturally takes that specific turn,
21:12then feel free to show that depth. If
21:14you have traveled a lot, do not list
21:16every single country that you have
21:18visited as if you were a professional
21:21tour guide. Instead, when the moment is
21:24right, share that fascinating story
21:26about that trip where something
21:28unexpected happened. Calculated
21:31authenticity also means being honest
21:33about your flaws, but in the right way
21:36and at the right time. We all have
21:39imperfections. A man who tries to
21:42appear perfect is immediately suspect
21:45and frankly boring. But there’s a
21:48world of difference between saying, “
21:51Yeah, sometimes I’m a bit stubborn
21:53when I believe strongly in something
21:56and I’m a mess, I can’t do anything
21:58well. My life is a mess.” The former
22:02is an admission of imperfection that
22:04shows self-awareness and confidence.
22:07The second is an appeal to pity that
22:09alienates anyone with a modicum of
22:11self-respect. Be honest about your
22:14weaknesses, but present them as being
22:16part of your humanity, rather than as
22:19excuses for not attempting to become
22:21any better. And here I come to the most
22:24important point of all. Calculated
22:26authenticity requires that you
22:29constantly work on yourself. You cannot
22:32present the best version of yourself if
22:34you are not currently and actively
22:36engaged in building that very same best
22:38version. You can’t be interesting if
22:41you don’t have real interests. You
22:44can’t have deep conversations if you
22:46don’t develop depth of thought. That
22:50means reading, learning, experimenting,
22:53failing. To grow up means to possess a
22:57life that is worth living, even when
23:00there is no woman by your side to share
23:03it with you. Because, and hear me out,
23:06this is the ultimate paradox. You
23:09become much more attractive to women
23:11when you cease to require their
23:13constant approval in order to feel
23:15entirely complete as a person. When I
23:18wrote that it is better to be feared
23:20than to be loved, everyone chose to
23:22focus only on the fear. But what I
23:25intended to say was that a prince ought
23:28to be respected for who he is in truth,
23:31and not loved for the person he merely
23:33pretends to be. And that goes for you
23:36in your relationships, too. Be the man
23:40that you truly are, but be the best,
23:42the most interesting and most highly
23:44developed version of that very same man
23:47. Do not lie about your passions, but
23:49be sure that the passions you possess
23:51are truly worthy of being shared with
23:53other people. Do not fake confidence;
23:56instead, work on yourself until the
23:58confidence you possess finally becomes
24:01real. In the end, you see, all these
24:04principles that I have taught you—
24:07sprezzatura, strategic listening,
24:09timing, mystery, and calculated
24:11authenticity—are not mere tricks to
24:14be used on women; they are essential
24:16instruments for you to become the very
24:19best version of yourself. They are
24:22lessons on how to build a strong,
24:24interesting character, one that is
24:26truly worth getting to know. Women
24:29aren’t enemies to be conquered
24:31through deception. They’re
24:33intelligent human beings who respond to
24:36men of real value. And real value
24:39simply cannot be faked; it can only be
24:42built day by day, choice by choice, and
24:46conversation by conversation, over the
24:49course of time. I, Niccolò Machiavelli
24:53, have spent my life studying power,
24:56and the most important lesson I’ve
24:59learned is this. True power comes not
25:02from controlling others, but from
25:05controlling yourself, from becoming
25:07someone who doesn’t need gimmicks
25:10because he has substance, someone who
25:13doesn’t need manipulation because he
25:16has genuine value to offer. That is the
25:19ultimate secret: it is not about how to
25:21talk to women, but how to become the
25:24man that women themselves desire to
25:26speak with. And that, my friends, is a
25:29transformation worth undertaking. M.

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