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Karen Still Aint Sure About Miles + We Are Tired! Married At First Sight Season 11 Episode 11 — Transcript

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0:00in person have i called you any pet
0:03names
0:03child that's that's more of a you know
0:07little joke
0:08that's the only one you call me
0:11hey guys and welcome back to little
0:13black book you know what time it
0:15is told you guys about married at first
0:18sight
0:18miles and karen saying that miles is
0:20finally frustrated and fed
0:23up you understand in this episode i saw
0:25some i saw some glimpses of the
0:27federalist you get me
0:28so if you're new to channel make sure
0:29you like share subscribe click on the
0:30bell button for notification of the
0:32uploads
0:33and for those of your attorneys you got
0:36the minerals you
0:37got the minerals hey don't forget as
0:39well grab one of your merchandise send
0:40them back to the manufacturer
0:42we appreciate you guys staying locked in
0:43let's get into it so
0:45i think we're starting to really see the
0:47frustration of miles starting to really
0:50kick in
0:51um we're gonna drop three or four parts
0:52of this video because there's so much to
0:53do with but
0:54i really do see mars frustration
0:56beginning to kick
0:58in okay the excuse of when moving slow
1:01is no longer
1:02working for miles um
1:06yeah just until maybe after
1:09final decisions are made you take off
1:12intercourse
1:13okay um i think one of the interesting
1:15things that i kind of clocked or saw
1:17um was one with dr viviana conversation
1:20and also one
1:21where they were having a i think a
1:23conversation about pet names right um
1:26where they had a bowl and they had
1:27questions and et cetera et cetera
1:28so let's just deal with the doctor of
1:29your vivian and come on to the pet names
1:31and then we'll
1:32uh kind of dissect it a little bit so
1:34what i really found interesting
1:36is normally it's what people are not
1:38saying that it's always very interesting
1:40for instance
1:41when we look at the dr viviana situation
1:43i was a bit concerned
1:44number one that dr viviana said let's
1:46just take sex off the table i was
1:47concerned
1:48why because we're not dealing with the
1:50issue what we're doing right now
1:52is kind of doing um makeshift
1:55and make do rather than actually dealing
1:58with the core concept core
2:00um issue at hand there is something
2:03wrong at the moment with the carrying
2:05and mass situation in terms of the speed
2:07that karen wants to go
2:08because of the way that she addresses
2:10certain issues i feel like it's gonna
2:12come across like there's a wallop when
2:13there isn't actually a wallop you're on
2:15the same team
2:16maybe it's not a problem to go slow i
2:19don't i don't think
2:20i don't have a problem with going slow
2:22but going slow also comes with the fact
2:23that there is
2:24actions on your end that you're willing
2:26to do but there is a
2:27there is a you can see definitely that
2:30whatever karen has experienced past
2:32is coming into the present because the
2:34way she feels about pva
2:35the way she feels about physical touch
2:37the way she feels about emotions the way
2:39that she feels about
2:40um uh you know um even giving pet names
2:44all of those things make her feel
2:46cringe-worthy nothing like
2:48hey my little scuttlebutt hell yeah oh
2:51my god
2:53that should tell you that let's deal
2:55with what
2:57has happened let's deal with the way
2:59that your mind frame works
3:01so that miles can have an understanding
3:03let me tell you something
3:04arguments oftentimes happen when people
3:06do not understand
3:07other people it's that simple when i
3:10don't understand you
3:11i i feel i will i will fail to give you
3:14much
3:14leniency and leeway because i don't
3:16understand you and i would think
3:18and i will assume you're doing it on
3:20purpose do you form saying
3:22and that's why we're starting to see the
3:23frustration from miles because
3:26i can't go talk to viviana right i'll
3:28talk to dr viviana and you karen and
3:30then trust me i was like oh let's just
3:32take sex on the table then
3:33let's just take it off the table and
3:35it's like yo you're not solving the
3:37issue of intimacy here you're not
3:38solving the issue
3:39and i'm not saying again coming from a
3:41christian point of view whatever not
3:42meant to be on a sex before marriage so
3:43i don't
3:44want that i i know i know what i know
3:47what a relationship looks like without
3:49sex do you understand and that's what
3:50i'm telling you
3:52that it's odd to be like okay fine sex
3:54on the table i get it
3:56we're not including that right now i get
3:58it but the way you deal
4:00with um questions of intimacy from your
4:03partner the way you deal with actions of
4:05intimacy
4:05from your partner is concerning why are
4:08we not dealing with these issues look
4:11um you know for someone to not be so
4:13touchy feely here
4:15i i said it from the last few weeks
4:17there potentially could have been an
4:18intrusion when i say intrusion that just
4:20means
4:20there was something that's happened that
4:22has uh
4:24changed the mindset yeah and i i always
4:27term it trauma
4:28or abuse and the reason why is because
4:30those are the things that
4:31fundamentally change the way that we
4:33trust feel
4:35think move talk they change us because
4:38what we've
4:38it we've experienced something drastic
4:40do you understand yeah
4:42whether it was childhood whether it's a
4:44past relationship
4:45uh i'm saying and i know when people
4:46commented saying what you all say about
4:48her past relationship is because
4:50it's the way that she talked about the
4:51relationship that there was many other
4:52things that were happening but
4:54it was just it was a baby and the
4:56cheating had done it and i was like
4:58so what other things that happen
4:59relationship because you said it wasn't
5:00going great before then
5:02as you said i'm saying and let's say
5:04even from childhood
5:05something might have happened
5:06childhood-wise as well but something has
5:08definitely happened in the past to make
5:09you
5:10auntie the way look some people don't
5:11like necessarily to be too
5:13physical you understand we get it some
5:16people don't like to be too physical
5:17right
5:18but she's at one point she said oh you
5:20know she's
5:21not um she said she's not a anti
5:24like physical touch she's just you know
5:26it's it's she's gonna get there
5:28basically you know
5:29like she's trying that i take things
5:31slow and like
5:32these aren't things that you may get
5:34from me initially
5:36but they're not things that i'm like
5:38completely against
5:40either meant to get there right and i
5:42was like okay
5:44if you're trying to get there that's not
5:45a problem that was like weeks ago in
5:46this little episode she said something
5:48which was really odd it was like
5:49not actually trying to get there i think
5:50there was an if in there and i was like
5:52whoa like whoa what does that mean like
5:55hold on a minute so it's like
5:57you are you there or you're not dead you
5:58know what i'm saying when you're doing
5:59my um
6:00pet names for instance yeah i went to my
6:01pet name she was like oh
6:03um do you want uh do you want me to call
6:06you up uh
6:07what do you want what do you would you
6:08want me to be calling you a pet name et
6:09cetera et cetera
6:10and it's like we he just said that like
6:13a second ago
6:14and the reason why she repeated that oh
6:15would you want me to call your pet it's
6:16because she wants to say listen i'm
6:18really not
6:18comfortable with that pet name stuff
6:20like and you and that's what i'm saying
6:22it's not one it's two it's three it's
6:23five there's like so many different
6:25things that are showing that there are
6:26intimacy deficiencies
6:28so here's the thing that i i you know i
6:30like to i like to bring solutions not
6:32just bringing
6:33problems to the table highlight problems
6:35the solution here is to
6:37get to have con these two need to get to
6:39a place of conversation where the
6:40conversation gets deep
6:41beyond just i want to touch you there
6:44has to be a going back
6:45whether that's the therapist whether
6:47that's dr viviana whether that's
6:48whatever
6:49someone must be including this because
6:52since you put on the show man at first
6:53sight
6:54you are honest to to step in now use
6:57these experts to say hey
6:58let's go back what's going on with you
7:02yeah you're scared to be hurt no i get
7:04it but your anti-intimacy
7:06so it's not just her there's something
7:07else that's happening you're not that we
7:09not we don't necessarily need to know
7:10that miles needs to know that do you
7:12understand
7:13because the way that mars is going to
7:14react it's gonna let us know that he now
7:16knows that she's gone through something
7:17terrible
7:18now she doesn't have to confess that on
7:19tv we don't need that but
7:21but that will come through your actions
7:23i will say this listen you can't
7:24hide who you are and you can't hide the
7:27truth
7:28it doesn't last long okay if you lie it
7:31won't last long the truth
7:32always comes out you understand and so
7:34when when when you're withholding parts
7:36of you
7:37we can also see your withholding parts
7:38of it do you understand in the way that
7:40she's dealing with miles right now
7:42okay so um you know and i was
7:45talking and and the way that she smiled
7:47when they said obviously let's take sex
7:48off the table
7:49um yeah just
7:53until maybe after final decisions are
7:56made
7:57you take off intercourse and i was like
7:59okay so
8:00okay no just deep it no no just keep it
8:04if this is really about if this is
8:06really about trying to grow in intimacy
8:08and you want
8:08and you want to wait longer et cetera
8:12why is that a smile like it was really
8:14weird that it was just like the smile
8:15was like yes finally
8:17but it was like but yo it's not just a
8:19sex that's a problem you you're not
8:20talking
8:21about intimacy on a physical nature
8:23apart so
8:24you know i'm saying like when he brought
8:26up to you said how do we get there
8:28you turned it off so this smile from me
8:32then was like okay
8:33i don't think this girl wants to go
8:34there at all yeah like
8:36i'm saying like as much as much you
8:37might have said you know how she feels
8:38attracted to him
8:40something is not quite right you
8:43understand
8:44something is not quite right
8:47you understand and i saw mouse's
8:49frustration in that conversation
8:51because when they said it and here's the
8:53reason and here's the thing
8:54i have sympathy for miles and not being
8:56able to say it at this point here's why
8:58once the expert says okay look do you
9:01know what
9:02um you know what i think we should
9:04probably just take sex off the table
9:06i thought to me i thought was a lazy
9:07answer no brief with dr viviana
9:10i am not an expert i haven't got my
9:12degree i've got a phd
9:13so listen but i felt like it was a cop
9:16out
9:16it was an easy way to get out of a
9:18conversation rather than dealing with
9:19the core issue of the person
9:20suffering a deficiency in intimacy but
9:23let's take it off the table and he saw
9:25mars face right
9:26he agreed but couldn't say nothing
9:28here's why the authority figure in the
9:30conversation you don't
9:31look like you're a pest for sex nobody
9:33wants to look desperate for sex
9:35whether it's your need or not him
9:37speaking of at that point could have
9:39been contrived or seen
9:41as being desperate for sex and not
9:43really thinking about the relationship
9:45do you understand right but this wasn't
9:47a michael and mecca situation
9:48last season this is a meant to be a
9:51situation where
9:52both parties said they really like each
9:53other well karen says she likes him
9:55later on but you know what i'm saying
9:56meant to like each other and
9:59then obviously now what's meant to
10:01happen is obviously
10:02it's meant to be progressive but it's
10:04been really slow on this part
10:06okay so now for him to go and say so he
10:10doesn't look like he's pressuring her
10:12similar to what brett said about olivia
10:13he doesn't look like he's pressuring her
10:15and then to say that in front of an
10:16expert it just looks bad oh
10:18oh no look with all due respect to the
10:21other i disagree with you
10:22i actually really think that we should
10:23be discussed like the only way he could
10:25have saved this
10:26if he went into psychology mode he said
10:27look i really believe that we should be
10:28discussing the reasons why she can't be
10:30really intimate i think
10:31that would make me understand why we
10:32can't go there that would only save your
10:34grades because
10:34any if you're not articulated enough if
10:36you're not knowledgeable enough in that
10:37area to out
10:38to be able to express that in that way
10:41in that form it's gonna come off looking
10:42like you're just desperate for sex
10:44and so i do understand the the
10:46reluctancy of him to say anything but
10:48his face
10:49couldn't lie his face could not lie his
10:51face told us straight away
10:53but i'm not happy with this i'm really
10:55not on board
10:56but i've got to do what i've got to do
10:58you understand yeah um
11:01and so then later on what was
11:02interesting was uh
11:04when they were talking about pet names
11:05and there was they were sitting there
11:07talking
11:08it was really interesting and the reason
11:09i was really interested was because
11:11um you know they they he said obviously
11:14he likes calling her pet names
11:15what he said about uh head you call it
11:17this whatever whatever whatever names
11:19right
11:19and then he's like what names and then
11:21notice what he says cause or any pet
11:23names
11:24child that's that's more of a you know
11:27little joke
11:28that's the only one you call me okay
11:31i don't even go too deep in it but
11:33notice what he says here he says
11:35oh you know what um the only thing
11:38you say is child now i hope when she's a
11:42child
11:42i hope she meant child as in chile when
11:46i say chile it means child like we we
11:47take the piss like
11:48it's too late it's child like child i
11:51hope this should have meant
11:52child you understand yeah i hope you
11:54didn't mean child i think she didn't
11:56mean child
11:57because the way that he addressed later
11:59on saying about the age situation that
12:01he doesn't like being triggered by that
12:02but um the way
12:05i hope she didn't mean child because if
12:07she meant child then again that's that
12:09belittle in there i'm telling you about
12:10the whole thing of of the
12:12the refusal to want to get close because
12:14that would be a
12:15i would her saying that would be true
12:17for one but two also distancing
12:19trying to make sure he doesn't get too
12:20close by calling you a child i'm trying
12:22to put that distance between the two of
12:24us
12:24do you from saying and so that's what
12:26i'm kind of seeing i'm like
12:28as as people are talking about as i'm
12:30seeing karen and miles talking there i'm
12:32like
12:34you know what i mean and then so you
12:35watch his face expression
12:38what's his facial expression when he's
12:41uh
12:41talking about it and when she says
12:43obviously that she knows she does not
12:45even
12:46she's not sure if she wants to even do
12:47the pet name thing whatever
12:49again oh lord
12:53and then watch her face she starts to
12:55cringe the fact that he wants to do pet
12:56names
12:57let me tell you something something is
13:00not quite
13:01right listen don't get interested listen
13:04we
13:04we look
13:07people don't always grow up in the best
13:09of ways in the sense of that they have
13:11had the the love and the cuddles and the
13:15the you know the soft nature of love
13:17right so a lot of us black people can
13:19experience
13:20harsh love right and assume it to be the
13:22love that we actually
13:24resonate with right but that's all we've
13:26ever experienced
13:28but there's just too many things adding
13:30up emotion
13:31can't do pet names can't talk intimacy
13:34you know what i'm saying
13:35doesn't really like compliment him do
13:37not mean like can't touch him
13:39like all of these things would would add
13:41up would add up to someone saying
13:43i don't think she actually really really
13:45likes him not only that
13:46when and the reason why i say that again
13:48to kind of bring a bit of evidence to
13:49that
13:50is when he said obviously i feel like
13:52i'm thinking about eight weeks
13:54i'm thinking beyond eight weeks right
13:56and so i think
13:57it's hard to balance like oh do i push
13:59here so we can get clarity
14:01or do we just take it slow because we
14:03have a lot of time
14:05i mean for me it's hard because i'm like
14:08i mean i think i'm thinking about beyond
14:09eight weeks
14:10she didn't affirm that comment what she
14:12said was oh you know
14:14she affirmed that the fact that getting
14:16to the deadline day
14:18right she said along those lines um you
14:21know i'm thinking about uh uh how to
14:23to be strong and confident so that when
14:25a deadline date will know what we're
14:26gonna say
14:27so how do we navigate that together and
14:31be comfortable with each other but
14:33still make sure we feel like we have
14:35enough confidence
14:37in our decision on decision she's not
14:39thinking about beyond in
14:40she's thinking about just getting to the
14:42eight week day and been able to be
14:43confident
14:44to say yes this is what it is because
14:46she's not
14:47confident why because she's not
14:48convinced do you feel i'm saying
14:51right her idea of things on her idea of
14:55what a man should be for her
14:56it's not miles you understand it's not
14:59miles
15:00because she's not thinking about after
15:02eight weeks she's thinking up
15:03to eight weeks do you see the difference
15:07my man said explicitly yeah i'm thinking
15:09about you know sometimes i get my own
15:10head i'm thinking about past eight weeks
15:11i'm thinking about how we're gonna do
15:12after
15:14yeah and then you hear her say oh so
15:16yeah i'm just thinking about
15:17look i'm thinking i'm thinking about how
15:18we're gonna be confident on deadline day
15:20wait hold on a minute what blood like
15:23you're still not convinced so that's why
15:25you say what you're saying right people
15:26on love island
15:28are thinking about after the island and
15:30you are still here
15:31married and you don't think about after
15:33eight weeks do you see what i'm saying
15:35that's why i have a concern and an issue
15:37with that and i saw mars frustration
15:40in that and his facial expression told
15:42the whole story
15:43he just looked fed up at that point
15:46[Music]
15:49right i think he's starting to deep it
15:51that it's not going the way that he
15:52thinks it should be going
15:54before me so for me watching that i was
15:56like okay cool
15:57i'm seeing i'm i'm seeing miles starting
15:59to creep up a little bit you know what
16:01i'm saying
16:01and then when he explained and another
16:03thing how he passively
16:05spoke about age well i shouldn't say
16:07pastor he brought it up so
16:08he spoke about the a situation what
16:10doesn't i don't say it triggers me but
16:12does make me feel like it's like a way
16:13is thinking about
16:14how like people make such a big
16:16influence on like what age is
16:18you know what one one what one what
16:21trigger would make you feel
16:23most insecure basically yeah and then he
16:25wouldn't say i said
16:27one of the things i've been thinking
16:29lately
16:30i want to understand what the english is
16:33saying there the english
16:34is saying right there that listen my guy
16:36is saying i've been thinking about you
16:38oh no no no i've been thinking about it
16:40for a little while
16:41this isn't something that the question
16:43has brought up i've been thinking about
16:45this for a little while the things
16:47that i've been thinking about lately
16:49that doesn't i don't say it triggers me
16:51but does like me feel like it's
16:53way is thinking about
16:54how like people make such so there's a
16:57behavior that's been going on
16:58and listen what's what he says he goes
17:00um he goes uh
17:02um you know it's the age situation that
17:05when people dismiss him for the a
17:07situation he said um and then she said
17:09obviously have i made you feel that way
17:10and he said no no no obviously i'll
17:12prove it to you to you that was that's
17:14not the case
17:15number one i don't think he's in the
17:16full truth right because if
17:18the reason why i say that is because
17:19what he explained later on when she said
17:21they'll say have i made you feel like
17:22that
17:23you know or am i making you feel like
17:24that he goes no no obviously no you know
17:27i'll prove it to you number one why you
17:28having to prove that to her
17:31because she's making you feel like that
17:32do you see it like
17:34your answer actually showed what you
17:36truly felt even though you said no no no
17:38i'll i'm proving it to you but why are
17:40you proving anything
17:42do you understand you don't need to
17:43prove anything it's because you have a
17:45certain age that she sees
17:46a certain in a certain way and now you
17:48feel like you have to prove yourself to
17:49her so
17:49technically what she said was was
17:51correct like am i making you feel a
17:53certain way
17:54you should have said yes you are you
17:55make do i make you feel that way like
17:57when i
17:59like say that age
18:02is a concern for me no just because i'm
18:05like i'll prove that to you i think
18:07more so like comments like oh you remind
18:10me of me
18:11eight years ago and i'm like well
18:14that i'm not you that has nothing to do
18:16with your age per se
18:18yeah but then you go on to explain um
18:22and he says um you know uh when you say
18:24things like
18:25um you remind me of my eight-year um
18:29myself eight years ago let me be very
18:30frank of you how many times
18:33in a relationship ladies and gentlemen
18:35do you say to your partner
18:36you remind me of uh oh no jake's you
18:39remind me of um
18:40you know myself when i was younger you
18:43understand
18:44right and what like maybe you would
18:46maybe you might not you wouldn't term it
18:47that way
18:48right you wouldn't you wouldn't you
18:50wouldn't explain it that way you might
18:52say
18:52you know what in the past i used to i
18:54used to move
18:58sometimes i don't ask about certain
18:59things because in the past i've dealt
19:00with that before
19:01so i understand why you're feeling the
19:03way you're feeling that is not the same
19:04as saying
19:06you know what eight years ago that was
19:07me you know that was a younger me that
19:08yeah
19:09like that is not going to be how i'm
19:11going to term it
19:13okay um at the same time because it's an
19:15insecurity of his because he knows that
19:17she has stated in the past remember the
19:19jokes remember
19:20we listen you've watched my videos weeks
19:22ago she has been saying
19:24oh you know and there was a little joke
19:25that was saying about his age remember
19:27and then he made a joke about her age
19:29being a cougar
19:30so listen age is something that is not
19:32just a number it seems it's
19:33there's something here right um
19:36and so his insecurities that he may feel
19:38like she doesn't look at him as an adult
19:40but on the same level um her truth maybe
19:43also as well that she may see him as a
19:45younger guy
19:46and struggling to kind of compute that
19:47into her mind do you know what i'm
19:49saying
19:50um and so uh they're both that they're
19:53both contributing towards
19:54this circle which is how he feels
19:56towards the situation
19:57right um and so yes the comment of
20:00saying you remind me of my eight
20:01uh myself eight years ago yes it will
20:04come across as if you're saying about
20:06his age
20:06of course it will and you're basically
20:08saying that he's got a young
20:10it sounds like you're basically saying
20:11he's got a young mindset now she goes on
20:12to explain and say oh
20:14um it's not about age it's about the
20:16fact that you're articulating yourself
20:18you know what i'm saying um but i'm like
20:20karen but you're not actually
20:22you see you think that you're above and
20:23you're articulating yourself girl you
20:25didn't want to talk about intimacy
20:26you didn't articulate why you didn't
20:28want to talk about sex you didn't
20:29articulate why
20:30you understand you didn't you have you
20:32said that you don't you don't do pet
20:32names you don't do it you haven't
20:34you haven't experienced emotion too much
20:35but you haven't said why you understand
20:37like so
20:37come on like you are not that far ahead
20:40in terms of these things
20:42and and again it just sounds like you're
20:45trying to cover up
20:46you saying that you felt like he was
20:48young do you know what i mean
20:49like your your explanation didn't for me
20:52didn't fit didn't really
20:54make me feel confident reaction from
20:57like
20:57times where i felt like you weren't
21:00fully articulating like
21:01what you wanted or needed like it's okay
21:04i do believe that mars is a bit of a
21:06people pleaser but i don't want to say
21:07people pleaser
21:08uh this is one of the points that she
21:10made and i i do agree with her
21:12i want to say people please what i would
21:13say is i feel like he struggles to be
21:16able to tell her
21:17the full truth of how he feels um
21:20based upon the fact that maybe
21:22whatever's happened in the past when
21:23there's a kid
21:24he's not been able to express the truth
21:27in
21:28it he's not going to express truth that
21:31is difficult
21:32you understand he can he can talk about
21:34emotions all day
21:35but maybe doesn't feel comfortable
21:37because maybe he feels like he's got a
21:38good thing
21:38he's got the big fish don't want to ruin
21:40the big fish you'd understand
21:42don't want to break something um scared
21:45of
21:45losing something doesn't say the
21:47fullness of his truth
21:49you understand right because in several
21:51points like i said the the sex situation
21:53that was dr rihanna he could have said
21:54something
21:55um but he did enough and i understand
21:57why but he could have said something
21:58and he couldn't sustain weeks ago and
22:00even doctor carter had to push him to
22:01say something
22:02um the pet name thing i knew you could
22:04have said something there
22:05even now you know what i'm saying so i
22:07can see what karen's saying that you're
22:09not
22:09you're not you're not being total with
22:11me in a sense of you're being too
22:13nice i do believe this is miles though
22:15he's been too nice what miles is
22:17is mars is like feminism to myself
22:23i do these nice things for you i expect
22:26that you would be also switched on
22:29self-aware
22:30that you would also want to replicate
22:32what i'm giving you
22:34right it is it's it's it's when
22:38again this is this is stuff that is out
22:39of childhood when
22:41you're used to not like saying what you
22:42want right because you've
22:44you feared an apostle when you say it
22:45you get rejected yeah
22:47so in the past when you said something
22:49you got rejected and it hurt
22:51and the reason happened once or twice
22:52you've learned how to not say how you
22:54feel
22:55and just do how you feel and you expect
22:58and hope that the person will reply
22:59right you know what you think something
23:01about me you're like things like that
23:03so that wasn't more so from just like a
23:06number one trouble is we're human beings
23:10we don't read minds so what has happened
23:13is that mars is failing to
23:14um to explain how he feels because
23:18he's he's used to doing something and
23:20then going and expecting silently
23:23expecting a return on the investment
23:26do you feel you know what i'm saying
23:28because these are things that he could
23:29he should be saying but won't say
23:32because he's used to doing something and
23:34and then hoping and praying that the
23:36person will understand the expectancy
23:38of him doing an action and then wanting
23:41a replication
23:42do you feel me so that's why he's not
23:44saying anything right
23:45but one must undo that you have to get
23:47to a space where you're actually
23:48communicating and listen i've been there
23:50no one been there i'm still there i did
23:52you know when i'm when i'm talking with
23:53my missus
23:54i thought i was a very good communicator
23:56but she's more vocal with what she wants
23:58and what she needs
23:59i am less so i wait till it's about to
24:02explode then i go listen up this i don't
24:04like this
24:05i mean or unless it's very very
24:06dangerous and i'm like listen no i don't
24:08like that
24:08like relax do i mean but when it's the
24:10smaller things
24:11i may not say it almost like i don't i
24:14don't want to be
24:15a nag right i don't i don't want to be
24:18um
24:20i don't want to be a burden on somebody
24:22do you understand right
24:23and again that comes from childhood
24:25where you're used to um
24:27moving in silence being seen but not
24:29heard
24:30do you understand being seen but not
24:32heard and when you have that kind of
24:33mindset
24:34that you're being seen but not heard
24:36you're not used to communicating and
24:37saying what you want right
24:39because you've been told that part of
24:40you should shut down you shouldn't want
24:42what you want
24:43because you've experienced rejection
24:45again this is very key and important to
24:46understand
24:47john i'm saying so he needs to he needs
24:50to work on that part right
24:51uh so actually he's been i agree with he
24:53needs to be more vocal in that aspect
24:55and that will
24:56start to push uh the relationship um
25:00in a better in a better direction for
25:02himself because he's able to
25:03articulate what he wants and what he
25:05doesn't want what he likes and what he
25:06doesn't like
25:07and sometimes a nicety can cover up the
25:10fact that you're unable to
25:11to explain and be able to communicate
25:14how you actually feel
25:15and what you actually want for instance
25:18the whole situation with her not coming
25:19home
25:19right he could have apologized and then
25:22said karen
25:23just to be very very frank and clear let
25:25you know that what you did
25:27was not acceptable do you understand you
25:30left me with anxiety
25:31and obviously he said i'm not trying to
25:33make you feel emotionally like
25:35uh blackmailed anything but i want you
25:36to understand that is unacceptable in
25:38the household
25:39so as much as i did what i did you leave
25:41him for the whole night unacceptable he
25:42hasn't done it but he was co
25:43he was cussing to woody do you see it so
25:46you can do it
25:47do you see what i'm saying you can do
25:49you choose not to do it because
25:50it's not in your training it's not in
25:52your dna but you have to be very
25:54conscious of it
25:55and override it you get me
25:58so pull up skirt reverse all right so
26:01that's our part one review we're gonna
26:02do another part two we're gonna go
26:03through
26:03that

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