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Jon and Missy Butcher on Love and Relationship with Lee Richter — Transcript

by Lee Richter | Building Legacies with AI & Web3 · 5,145 words · 689 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00[Music]
0:17so we are so lucky today because we get
0:20to spend time with two of my friends
0:21that are just two of the most amazing
0:23people on the planet they're madly in
0:25love they show each other every day and
0:27all of us around them get addicted to
0:29love when we're with them so I'd like to
0:32introduce you to John and Missy butcher
0:34hello everybody and welcome thank you
0:36for being with us today pleasure and uh
0:39what we're doing is we're focusing on
0:41the gifts that people bring to the
0:42planet and naturally you guys have many
0:45many gifts you bring to the planet I
0:46mean parents with four children three
0:48grandchildren which still blows my mind
0:50that you have three grandchildren um but
0:53also you make so much time for one
0:55another so what I would love to talk to
0:57you about today is you guys sharing your
0:59gift of love okay and love for one
1:02another and love for your life and love
1:04for the life that you've created so how
1:07would you like to start well you want to
1:09hear some strategies that we use to kind
1:11of keep our love dialed in because you
1:13know it was never I don't think it was
1:15ever a a goal of ours to be some sort of
1:19Love example we wanted to create an
1:22extraordinary love relationship so we
1:24were kind of selfishly thinking about
1:26this beautiful thing that we wanted to
1:27create together and um
1:30it ended up being so awesome that it it
1:33inspires people which is great but that
1:34was like a bonus you know what I mean
1:36that wasn't like what we set out to do
1:39um but we did set out early on in our
1:42relationship we made a conscious
1:44decision we're going to create an
1:46extraordinary love affair out of this
1:48and so how do you do that and that's
1:49what we kind of focused on for a lot of
1:52years what are the strategies that we
1:54need to do what are what are the
1:56fundamentals of an extraordinary love
1:59affair that will last for decades where
2:02the fire goes out very quickly for a lot
2:05of couples right so one of the things
2:09that we discovered early on is that what
2:13extraordinary love is about at the the
2:16deepest layer is it's about connection
2:19it's about two people connecting as
2:20deeply as as you can connect mentally
2:23physically spiritually emotionally right
2:27so um we set up connection rituals very
2:33very clear structured connection rituals
2:36early on in our relationship that have a
2:39few different rhythms so we have our
2:41daily connection ritual that we do um
2:44why don't you talk about that sweetie so
2:46our daily connection ritual is it's a
2:49few different ones but normally we at
2:52after the day is done of work 5:00 530
2:55yeah we'll meet by the front door in the
2:57kitchen and sometimes we'll grab a beer
2:59sometimes times we'll just go without
3:01anything and we take a walk around our
3:04beautiful garden and we connect and I
3:06hear about John's day and then he tells
3:08me or I tell him about my day and we
3:10share and we just catch up and since we
3:13work together it's really important that
3:14we do that on top of everything else
3:16because you know we have to see what
3:18what happened that day just us no kids
3:21that that's our special time half hour
3:24to an hour to just reconnect at the end
3:27of the day so that that's an important
3:28one but our most important one is um is
3:31our weekly dates and Lee we have had
3:34we've had a weekly overnight date just
3:38about every week for the last 27 years
3:40no matter where in the world we are and
3:42you know we go to we live in different
3:44parts of the world every year for a
3:45couple months with our kids so I mean
3:48we're in South Africa we're in Bali
3:51we're in Nicaragua we figure it out we
3:54figure out child care and it's hard
3:56sometimes but we're committed to it so
3:59the these overnight dates of ours we
4:01call this our number one love strategy
4:03MH the reason that the fire goes out so
4:06quickly for a lot of couples is because
4:08they just stopped spending intimate time
4:11together it was hot for the first couple
4:13years right and and it was awesome and
4:17then the kids came and the career heated
4:20up and and we don't spend as much time
4:22together anymore we don't take time to
4:24look good for each other anymore we
4:27we've got so many demands on us that we
4:29just d don't and we always end up taking
4:31last place well we decided we weren't
4:33running that program and so this weekly
4:37overnight date overnight when possible
4:39it's not always overnight but overnight
4:41is great because there's nothing to
4:44break the magic at the end of the night
4:46you don't you know come you go out to a
4:48movie you go out to dinner you come back
4:49to the kids it the magic is broken
4:52versus going all the way through all way
4:55the reality the chores the the real life
4:57enters back in actually I remember
4:59recently I was visiting in Chicago and
5:02that was one of the things you said oh
5:03sorry we're headed on our overnight on
5:04the way out I'm sorry we're going to
5:06miss you this trip and I love that
5:08you're fully committed it's our number
5:10one it's it's our our biggest love
5:12strategy and and take it really
5:14seriously it's great and you've inspired
5:16a lot of people to actually add that to
5:17them that's a big one that's a big one
5:19and and those dates are about intimate
5:21connection they're about sex they're hot
5:23romantic dates and we've done it every
5:26every uh week for the last almost 30
5:28years and that's one of the most
5:30important things that we've done that's
5:31really kept our our love relationship
5:33hot and on track sure and it also it
5:36also really cultivates the other
5:38categories of your life like our
5:39parenting is better we we're just we're
5:42just better all the way around we're
5:43when we're totally connected and humming
5:45and in tune everything goes smoothly in
5:49our Empire and then the love Factor
5:52becomes contagious for everyone around
5:53you and they want to be happy and in in
5:56The Love Boat as it were uh just
5:58experiencing that as well well which it
6:00is contagious cuz I've been in the room
6:02with you twoo and everyone in the room's
6:04like I want what they're having and so I
6:06love that you break it down to those and
6:09those are really important points and
6:11also you have life book that you've
6:14brought out and you've been sharing
6:15around the world you just got back from
6:17being in Spain and sharing it with
6:19people that were there from every corner
6:21of the world I mean it's just amazing
6:23and um you broke it down into categories
6:26and do you want to tell us a little bit
6:27about that yeah I will and and I will
6:28say that tool that we invented for
6:32ourselves we used this for 15 years
6:34before we ever showed it to anybody this
6:36was this was the tool that we created to
6:38make our own extraordinary life right
6:42and but what it ended up being is the
6:45best possible tool that a couple can use
6:49to get on the same page in every area of
6:50their life so over a period of a long
6:54time it took us to figure this out it
6:56evolved right but what it ended up
6:58turning into we we took a look at our
7:01lives and we said what are the most
7:02important areas of Our Lives that we
7:04have to master if we want to have a
7:06really extraordinary life and over over
7:08the years we came up with 12 areas um
7:11the the ones that you are familiar with
7:14that you would automatically think about
7:15are your health and fitness your
7:17financial life your career parenting you
7:20know but there are other categories that
7:22people don't give much thought to at all
7:24your intellectual life your emotional
7:26life your character your spiritual life
7:29so we identified these 12 categories and
7:32then over the years we just went really
7:35deep studying them learning about them
7:37learning best practices um
7:41practicing um
7:43experimenting and over a period of 25
7:46years we pretty much mastered these
7:49areas that are the most important areas
7:52of life here's what that did for our
7:55love which is really
7:57interesting well let me just say say one
7:59more thing about the 12 categories in
8:01each of the 12 categories we ask the
8:02same four questions what are my beliefs
8:05about this category because your beliefs
8:07control your behavior so what do you
8:09believe health and fitness is what do
8:12you believe is proper to a man and woman
8:14in a love relationship your beliefs are
8:16incredibly important and sometimes you
8:19can realize you've got some lousy
8:21beliefs that were installed in you at
8:23childhood or you know came from
8:25somewhere else that aren't serving you
8:26anymore and you can do things to get rid
8:28of those beliefs and install new better
8:30more empowering beliefs so number one
8:32what do I believe about this area of my
8:34life number two what exactly do I want
8:38for my love relationship for my
8:40parenting for my financial life for my
8:41health and fitness with Clarity what is
8:44my vision third why do I want that and
8:47fourth what do I need to do to get it so
8:50this is what we've been doing for 25
8:52years asking ourselves those four
8:54questions in the 12 most important areas
8:56of our life and what that has done for
8:59us is it's literally gotten us on the
9:02same page in every area of human
9:07endeavor 90% of the problems that a
9:10couple will will experience in their
9:12marriage will be because they're not on
9:14the same page in one or more of these 12
9:17categories he's a saver she's a spender
9:20he's a disciplinarian she's lenient with
9:22the kids they haven't dialed in their
9:25strategies and so they fight over the
9:26same things over and over and over and
9:28over true they haven't even thought
9:30about what they want and why they want
9:33it and that is such a core principle
9:35that you bring up not only what you want
9:37which you can ask people what they want
9:39and so many times they don't have a
9:40clear answer but the clear why do you
9:43want it I think when when you dive into
9:45that piece it actually can change what
9:47you want it really can that's very true
9:50and that'll also be the fuel the the
9:52fuel to whether or not you're going to
9:54get what you want um you you've got to
9:57really crank up that purpose and make it
10:00compelling the reasons you want
10:02something will literally determine how
10:05aggressively you're going to go after
10:07those goals so that that is a very
10:08important one so over the years we we
10:11just we got on the same page in every
10:13area of Our Lives we know exactly the
10:15kind of a life we want to build we know
10:16the kind of love relationship we want to
10:18have we know the kind of physical shape
10:20we want to be in we know how we're going
10:22to why because we talked about it and
10:24talked about it and talked about it
10:26until we dialed it in and so now it's
10:29it's like there's nothing to fight about
10:32that's important if we're going to if
10:34we're going to have a little bicker
10:36every now and then because one of us
10:37woke up on the wrong side of the bed or
10:39something everyone does that but anytime
10:42we have any tension or friction it's
10:44because it's stupid little stuff it's
10:46not because of the big stuff because
10:47we've worked all that out so life book
10:49is a really really great tool for a
10:52couple honestly I cannot believe how
10:54many people you are inspiring even just
10:56in the last 12 months in
10:59area that you're talking about uh I did
11:02life book about just about 2 years ago
11:04now and um I was surprised about the
11:07character yeah dialing into my character
11:10I never about was so relevant I have
11:13visited it three or four times since
11:15then that's part of the reason this
11:17Series has come up of sharing people's
11:19gifts is one of the things I love to do
11:20is help people share their story but it
11:23came out by doing that exercise around
11:25my characters uh so it was a nice little
11:27gift for myself great such a surprise
11:31and uh so now that you've been teaching
11:32so many people what are some of the
11:34things that are showing up especially
11:35when it comes to loving themselves and
11:37loving their family that either is a
11:39challenge or a surprise that you guys
11:41have learned about since we've been sort
11:43of sharing some of this stuff yes since
11:44you launched it um your just your whole
11:49series of uh life book where people come
11:51out to Chicago or you've shared the life
11:54book with other people well it's
11:55interesting and you know this this is
11:57this is kind of a cliche they say if you
11:59want to master something start to teach
12:01it right and so when we we had our life
12:06book as our tool to navigate through
12:09this life and to create an extraordinary
12:11extraordinary life and we used it for 10
12:13or 15 years before we showed it to
12:15anyone once we decided to actually turn
12:18it into a program and share it with the
12:20world and by the way that was a hard
12:22decision for us to make imagine because
12:24we're private people and and we don't
12:27like being in the spotlight we don't you
12:29know we're we're not super social we got
12:31big families and we really had to think
12:35about whether or not we wanted to open
12:36up ourselves like this but at the end of
12:38the day we shared this with a few of our
12:41friends and the results were so
12:42extraordinary that we felt like we were
12:45given this gift and we had to share it
12:47we didn't have a choice so we decided to
12:49do it and but but going in that was kind
12:51of funnily because our life book would
12:53be missing a premise here and it would
12:55be missing a vision there it was our
12:56tool so it was a little loose when
12:58you're going to
12:59you got to dial it in right so it caused
13:04a tremendous amount of growth in our
13:06lives just doing that part of it true
13:09and then working with couples and having
13:11them come through our doors and seeing
13:12where their challenges were and seeing
13:15the breakthroughs and the
13:16Transformations it's been it's been
13:18amazing it's really been amazing and
13:19it's been 10 years this year we we yeah
13:22we started we open the doors of Life
13:23Book 10 years ago actually this month
13:26yeah congratulations thank you so that
13:28is quite the accomplishment and stuck
13:30with it see the
13:31perseverance not only did you do it and
13:34you're right sometimes you didn't have
13:35to do it and it's still hard work to do
13:36it but you persevered and you continued
13:38to do it right and it is making such a
13:40positive impact in the circle that I did
13:42it there were about 20 of us that took
13:44that did Life Book together we were in
13:46Arizona with Joe polish and um and the
13:50genius Network group and it was amazing
13:52because the 20 of us that were in that
13:54group when we see each other we realize
13:56how connected we are because we went
13:57through it together but we're already
14:00noticing how much we're interested in
14:01each other's success at a higher level
14:04because we did take it to the basics and
14:07then build um off of that Foundation
14:09we're very curious and supportive of
14:11each other about you know what's your
14:13success and how's it going and are you
14:14going online and CU it's beautiful to go
14:16online and update it and and make it
14:18fresh for right now um I also love that
14:21you split it in the 12 categories so
14:22each month you can choose one and deep
14:24exactly Deep dive in it so just explain
14:27that a little bit in our membership PR
14:29after you've gone through lifebook we
14:31have 12 months 12 categories and so in
14:34January we do a deep dive in health and
14:36fitness we curate the best Cutting Edge
14:38content in the world we have awesome
14:40interviews and discussions and you just
14:42spend the whole month studying health
14:44and fitness February is intellectual
14:47life we go deep into all the best
14:49practices you know and and we do that 12
14:51months 12 categories going through five
14:54cycles of that that's where we're at
14:56five Cycles like it's it's it's nut I
14:59mean you literally Master these
15:00important areas of life so that has been
15:03extraordinary for us as well excellent
15:05so um should we talk about the 13th
15:07chapter that didn't make it into the
15:09book which I think is very interesting
15:12and what makes the world go around and
15:14it's definitely on the topic of love yes
15:16it is for
15:18sure okay now this is something that
15:21just for a little backstory um Missy and
15:24I have we've been in this 12 category
15:27methodology for 25 years all the way
15:29through that we had kind of a little
15:31secret a little under the hood secret we
15:33called it category 13 and category 13 is
15:37basically sex passion and romance so
15:42love we explore deeply in life book we
15:45go all the way with love category 13 is
15:49definitely love oriented but it's got a
15:51different flavor it's about lust and
15:53passion in Sex and specifically how to
15:56use the energy that a couple can create
15:59from sexual vibration Sexual Energy and
16:03how to take that energy and point it at
16:06other areas of your life to create
16:08success so so we've been studying this
16:11for well we we made a commitment to each
16:15other the first year of our of our
16:18relationship that we just were very
16:20interested in in sensuality and
16:22sexuality and eroticism and we took it
16:24seriously and we decided to go deep and
16:26study it worldwide we amassed a h huge
16:29erotic library and this is before the
16:31internet where you had to actually do
16:32stuff manually right you had to go out
16:34and you had you didn't come into your
16:36living room like it does now right yeah
16:39so um so we we we've always had had
16:44sensuality and eroticism is a is a big
16:47big passion of ours but over the last
16:50five or six years we've been
16:51specifically studying how to use this
16:54Sexual Energy and leverage it to get
16:59what we want in other areas of our life
17:03we thought that we had come up with this
17:05all on our own because we had no role
17:07models we had nobody that had had carved
17:09this territory before us we thought this
17:11was just our little secret and then we
17:14discovered or remember this is so
17:16crazily I I I'm wondering if you're
17:18going to even know about this but
17:21Napoleon Hill in his book think thinking
17:24Grow Rich which arguably launched the
17:26personal development industry
17:29CH the of the human R right there's a
17:32chapter in that book that almost nobody
17:33remembers it's chapter 11 I I didn't
17:36remember it I read that book three times
17:38right it's called the SE it's called the
17:41the mystery of sexual
17:45transmutation and it's about this exact
17:48issue it's brilliant it's about how to
17:52take Sexual Energy and leverage it to
17:55turn mediocrity into genius and he does
17:58a a great job of explaining what it is
18:01and and and kind of how it works but he
18:05doesn't do a good job explaining how to
18:08actually do it right well it was the 30s
18:12it was the 30s for God's sake it's taboo
18:14now can you imagine what it was like
18:16back Thena but we've been experimenting
18:18with that for five or six years so we've
18:20really dialed in some strategies on how
18:22to literally use this and that's the
18:26next thing we're going to be exploring
18:27so we went to Spain
18:29last month and we were like we made a a
18:32video with Akira that's extraordinary
18:34that talks about introduces the concept
18:37of category 13 and we said all right
18:39we're going to we're going to show this
18:41to an audience these are our people you
18:43know these are our people right there
18:45were 300 people there young open um
18:49intelligent intelligent just the the
18:52really cutting edge personal development
18:53people if it if it if it ain't going to
18:55work on these people it ain't going to
18:56work right so we went and and we said we
19:00want to we want to test a few things we
19:02want to test how will this crowd respond
19:06how will it land with them number one
19:08but number two and most importantly how
19:11will how will we feel about talking
19:13about this in public so that was the big
19:16test so this was the big unve this was
19:17the big test so we went and we presented
19:20it and it just simply brought the house
19:24down it brought the house down and it
19:27was fun for us and and one one thing
19:29that we know from working with so many
19:31couples that have come through our door
19:33is this is so needed this is so needed
19:36if you don't dial in your sex life as a
19:39couple you're you're missing such an
19:40incredibly important doorway
19:44in that deep intimate connection that
19:46we're talking about which is the core of
19:48a love relationship and we've seen so
19:50many people struggle with this so to
19:53make a long story short it looks like
19:55we're positioned for something really
19:57really special here so more on that
20:00later I look forward to it it really
20:01does light people up but it also lights
20:03you up which is really great that you
20:04get to share that and now it's not a
20:07secret anymore so it'll be fun to see
20:09where this develops over the next 5 10
20:1120 years so that's great thank you for
20:13sharing that with us you're so welcome
20:15so when we talk about love and your
20:18family you spent so much time with your
20:20family and you've really molded a life
20:21where your family is first uh how the
20:24kids are learning their love of learning
20:26uh how they love themselves how you guys
20:28love yourselves um what are some of the
20:30hot tips that you just you know the
20:31basic things for people to think about
20:34um that would be good to share I will
20:36lend to my my mentor and teacher
20:39Nathaniel Brandon who talks about
20:41self-esteem but you needed to to say
20:44this because you're far more better
20:46spoken than I am so will you share just
20:48the concept of self- concept of
20:50self-esteem because that is really self
20:51Lov it is and self-esteem is basically
20:55Nathaniel said uh there will never be a
20:58a judgment that you pass in your life
21:00more important than the Judgment you
21:02pass on yourself right um self-esteem is
21:06so incredibly important how you feel
21:09about yourself how you trust yourself do
21:12you trust yourself uh do you have the
21:14ability to make good decisions do you
21:17admire yourself the way you handle
21:19situations you know this is such an
21:21incredibly critical part of life you
21:23know what interesting we our 13-year-old
21:25son is going through our online course
21:27Life Book Online line and we were doing
21:30the intellectual category
21:31yesterday and he we were talking about
21:34beliefs and often times problems like
21:36that when you don't have a good
21:38relationship with yourself come down to
21:39the beliefs that you have about yourself
21:41right and so Justin was having he he's
21:43been in a lot of trouble lately because
21:44he's 16 or 13 and you know that's what
21:47it is and I was sharing some of my
21:50premises with him to get him started and
21:52he said my one of mine was I always I
21:54consistently make good choices that was
21:56my my premise it's the belief I hope I
21:58always make good choices even though
22:00sometimes I don't that's what I want to
22:02believe in and he said well I I don't I
22:05don't think I do that Mom I can't do
22:06that and I was like yes you can you
22:08haven't lately but you definitely can so
22:11John came in and worked with him and
22:12helped him turn that belief around I I
22:14had a talk with him and I said just
22:17here's the thing you're mischievous
22:19you're a 13-year-old boy 13-year-old
22:21boys are mischievous he was born in the
22:23year of the monkey so he's especially
22:25mischievous his day on the birthday book
22:27is the day of the mischievous man
22:28Maverick and I said so you do stuff like
22:30yesterday he dyed the milk blue dyed the
22:33milk blue and dyed the cream pink so I
22:36mean potatoes and you know it's not like
22:38he's going out and blowing up schools he
22:40dyed the milk blue so I said just these
22:43are mischievious little things that you
22:45do you sneak a screen right I said
22:47you're you're a this is natural they're
22:49not bad things and so it would be a big
22:52big mistake for you to start because he
22:54gets yelled at a lot cuz he does
22:56like dye the milk blue
22:59but now we're laughing more but it's
23:00like but it's like Justin it would be a
23:02big big mistake for you to start
23:05thinking that you do bad things because
23:07you don't do bad things you never hurt
23:09anybody you've got a heart of gold you
23:11just do mischievous
23:13things the most important thing is for
23:16these kids not to
23:18develop negative beliefs surrounding
23:21themselves that's what you've got to be
23:24careful of school is another thing that
23:26school isn't meant for some kids I
23:28schools like jail for me and our
23:31daughter is dyslexic so you know she she
23:33had a hard time in in second and third
23:35grade too and you don't want to develop
23:38a belief that you're stupid because you
23:40you don't learn the same way as as as
23:42other people or you got to be very
23:44careful with the the beliefs you develop
23:46around yourself and Nathaniel was the
23:49widely regarded as the Pioneer and the
23:52world's leading expert in the subject of
23:54self-esteem he wrote 20 books that are
23:56very very much worth reading if you want
23:59to really really learn a lot about
24:01self-love and how important it is it
24:03definitely is important it is the
24:05foundation for everything yeah it is I
24:07love that um it brings us back to life
24:09book again too because that is why you
24:12look at the beliefs first because we see
24:14what's serving us now right and if it's
24:16not let's change that belief and so
24:18you're teaching your son in real time
24:20that same philosophy which is great and
24:22that helps the entire planet if we can
24:24catch it in the moment and say let's
24:26investigate this is this working for us
24:28now and if it's not let's improve it so
24:31it sounds so basic but in the moment
24:33it's not always and I mean that that
24:34that was probably a life-changing
24:36conversation for him he got it that that
24:38landed he got that and so that's a good
24:41distinction I don't want him feeling
24:43just because he gots in trouble all the
24:45time because he dyes the milk blue I
24:47don't want him thinking that he's a bad
24:49kid I got to I got to cut that in the
24:51butt he's an awesome kid I think who
24:53occasionally dies the milk blue I think
24:56all the self-love problems we have come
24:58back can come back to your beliefs so
25:00belief that you was installed by your
25:01parent or a teacher or someone in your
25:04I'm not enough somewhere in your you
25:07know emotional body when you were
25:08younger or just through you know genetic
25:12or something but it's also our
25:14perspective when we first put the belief
25:15in there when we're 10 or 13 our
25:18perspective is different than now so
25:20revisiting it which is why it's such a
25:22blessing to revisit it and sometimes you
25:23can just let them go they got caught in
25:25there and sometimes just just bringing
25:27consciousness oh I was taught that the
25:30love of money was the root of all evil
25:32when I was n and I never let that go and
25:37and now I know that I can let that
25:39belief go right so let's hope we learn
25:43that early on to just let those go
25:45absolutely uh that is a true gift though
25:47so thank you for sharing that and um you
25:49two are just such lovely people I really
25:53you are absolutely lovely you're an
25:55angel I tell you that every time I see
25:56you thank you true um I so blessed to
25:58have you in my life and that I get to
26:00spend time with you and I'm so inspired
26:03by the way you parent your children and
26:05how you care for one another and how you
26:07care for the planet and how you fly all
26:09the way to Spain to share information
26:11with people because your heart says this
26:13is information worth sharing and you're
26:15right you're set up you don't have to
26:17leave your cushy beautiful house but to
26:19do that is a really big gift it really
26:21is and um I want to thank all of us all
26:24from everybody that I know we want to
26:27thank you for sharing those oh my gosh
26:29thank you Lee and um is there anything
26:31else you'd like to add before we go on
26:33the topic of Love got anything no just
26:36thank you for asking us to do this we
26:37love you we love doing this so thank you
26:40thanks I adore you guys too thanks Lee
26:43and um it is such a pleasure to know
26:46people like you even exist it really is
26:48great thank you thank you so much
26:51awesome that was great

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