Jake and Tara: BECOME PARENTS — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00today me and Tara will be living the
2. 0:02life of parents Tara has a friend with a
3. 0:05toddler named Violet Violet is 2 years
4. 0:08old and quite the
5. 0:14celebrity so hopefully she's chill we
6. 0:18will be spending the whole day with this
7. 0:20famous baby and we're going to see if we
8. 0:22can handle it but what I really want to
9. 0:24know is who is the better parent me or
10. 0:27Tara come
11. 0:37why would you scare me like that happy
12. 0:39birth week babe a that's so sweet thank
13. 0:43you smell them I'm smelling
14. 0:48them there's a me it's on me oh my god
15. 0:53dude you just dropped your St lant
16. 0:55glasses did you see that wasp wasp are
17. 0:58our friends Tara
18. 1:00and I'm pretty sure waving flowers in
19. 1:02the Air does not help a wasp go away it
20. 1:04actually attracts
21. 1:06them thank you I don't think Tara's
22. 1:09going to be good with kids she likes to
23. 1:10be the center of attention and babies
24. 1:12are just way better at that that's true
25. 1:15I don't have anything to say to that I
26. 1:17think Jake will be better with the kids
27. 1:18because his brain is the same size as
28. 1:21one people always tell me Jake you're
29. 1:23dumb as The Rock well the rock actually
30. 1:26has a net worth of 800 million no babe
31. 1:29they say you're dumb as
32. 1:33rocks what so the reason I don't think
33. 1:36I'm good with kids is cuz I never know
34. 1:37how to talk to them like do you want a
35. 1:39beer or something do you want to go out
36. 1:40tonight you want to hang out my mom told
37. 1:42me I talk to kids like I talk to
38. 1:43grown-ups I think baby talk is weird I
39. 1:45do think I have an advantage for this
40. 1:47particular kid though because this
41. 1:48particular kid is my God baby and she's
42. 1:51famous and her mom is my best friend I
43. 1:53was really worried like I was in my
44. 1:55closet this morning what do I wear I
45. 1:58think I found the perfect shirt
46. 2:01not a big fan of babies and if you do
47. 2:03like babies you've never sat on an
48. 2:04airplane with one they pee poop cry puke
49. 2:06blow snot Bubbles and every time I talk
50. 2:08to one they start crying and then the
51. 2:10mom looks at me like this my vibes
52. 2:12aren't that bad yours are much worse you
53. 2:14your pants I haven't done that in 2
54. 2:17years maybe this video will make me
55. 2:18change my perspective though I mean it
56. 2:21definitely helps that she's famous
57. 2:23Violet clout me
58. 2:25up we're about to meet the baby come on
59. 2:28I've met the baby all right you ready
60. 2:33hi
61. 2:36hi hi Violet honestly I think viet's a
62. 2:39pretty chill baby this is going to be
63. 2:42[Applause]
64. 2:46[Music]
65. 2:47easy so how so can we have like is it I
66. 2:51don't know what do you think I I've
67. 2:52never worked with a baby she likes
68. 2:55chickens okay whether it's like toys
69. 2:58chicken nuggets the nuggets yeah we're
70. 3:01going to go to McDonald's playgrounds
71. 3:03colors
72. 3:04bubbles um and house music house music
73. 3:09like you want to go to
74. 3:13McDonald's we need a translator for the
75. 3:17baby oh you want me to try Violet I love
76. 3:20the British too Tara loves Joseph Quinn
77. 3:23and Harry Styles say
78. 3:26[Music]
79. 3:27Harry right Violet you and I are the
80. 3:30this one this one this one click it
81. 3:32click
82. 3:33it you lost Violet I've never felt so
83. 3:36awkward around a baby in my life Violet
84. 3:38lives in her own little world I kind of
85. 3:40wish I lived in that world sometimes
86. 3:42less to think about I was the first
87. 3:43friend to meet violet Violet do you
88. 3:45remember me from when you were 1 month
89. 3:46old
90. 3:48I I know my hair did look cute that day
91. 3:53I she smells
92. 3:56good exactly who do you like better Tara
93. 4:01or Jake why are you trying to she's
94. 4:03obviously trying to get away from you
95. 4:06Tara I think I'm the
96. 4:10winner stop teaching her violence Violet
97. 4:13did you know that when I found out that
98. 4:15you were going to be born I was shocked
99. 4:18at your mom for being a why are
100. 4:20you doing that cuz she asked me to open
101. 4:22it you dimwit if B asked you to commit
102. 4:24arson with you yeah you want to try on
103. 4:26my glasses they're YSL Jake is so much
104. 4:29better than thear right Violet Violet
105. 4:31what's on your left
106. 4:33babe oh hey Violet Violet doesn't give a
107. 4:36crap about your dirty sock Violet I
108. 4:38declare we go to McDonald's what do you
109. 4:40think you down I feel like we should
110. 4:42have waited till Violet got older to
111. 4:43film this video how do we get babies to
112. 4:44do things you put them on a
113. 4:47[Applause]
114. 4:48leash yeah woo I'm going this way you we
115. 4:53should all go then wo and
116. 4:56just wo we're all going this way stop
117. 5:00coercing her to uncoming
118. 5:03traffic so Violet hates hot cars so
119. 5:06we're turning the car on and we're
120. 5:07putting you in the car you ready oh my
121. 5:10God here look what I got Violet crayons
122. 5:13stop distracting the kid I'm putting her
123. 5:15seat belt on I don't know if I'm doing
124. 5:17this right she's probably good I did it
125. 5:19but I think it's all twisted
126. 5:22and sweating I can't believe that when
127. 5:25you have a baby you have to put him in a
128. 5:26car seat every time you put him in a car
129. 5:29it's draining
130. 5:36this car ride is very awkward there's
131. 5:39nothing to talk about because Violet
132. 5:42does not speak the same language as us
133. 5:44she
134. 5:46speaks Dance with Me Violet dance with
135. 5:49[Music]
136. 5:54me I'm going to give this satara okay
137. 5:57there you go Violet you got the rest
138. 6:03is this am am I doing it right I don't
139. 6:06know oh no her overalls oh yeah yeah
140. 6:09here you go stick them back on there we
141. 6:11go McDonald's here take that that was
142. 6:14your fault T you're in the way of her
143. 6:17book whoa yeah that's what I
144. 6:22[Music]
145. 6:23said let's go get you a McDonald's meal
146. 6:26okay what's it called what's the mcdonal
147. 6:28Happy Meal Happy Meal not even holding
148. 6:30her how do I hold her I'm just think
149. 6:32holding her like sugar she's not a dog
150. 6:35wow wow look at the play place we're
151. 6:38definitely doing that we're definitely
152. 6:40doing that okay let's go you want to go
153. 6:41order well I haven't been inside to
154. 6:43McDonald's in years can we get three
155. 6:45Happy Meals one being a cheeseburger and
156. 6:47then one is chicken nuggets with apple
157. 6:50juice you want ketchup you could just
158. 6:52wipe it on T's clothes Taurus ping
159. 6:56wow wow
160. 7:03you got this you got this do you want to
161. 7:06go out and slide yo check this out I got
162. 7:09you wa oh watch your head Violet watch
163. 7:12your head the play play smells like
164. 7:14farts there's new diseases brewing in
165. 7:16that play place as we speak but Violet
166. 7:18loves it so what the kid wants the kid
167. 7:20gets and Violet's boogers will add to
168. 7:21that collection and Jake there's a slide
169. 7:25over here Violet it looks so chill I
170. 7:27know it's tough you want me to help you
171. 7:29you want want help okay watch your head
172. 7:31watch your
173. 7:32head Oh
174. 7:35yay yay yay did you have fun yeah you
175. 7:39want to go get food yeah you want apple
176. 7:42juice yummy
177. 7:44yum the chicken nuggets she snatched
178. 7:48that out of my hand can I have
179. 7:50one thank you chicken nuggets yay yum oh
180. 7:56you're hungry fries look rice look
181. 8:00look what came with it it's a toy Viet
182. 8:03you want apple juice apple apple juice
183. 8:06no you're going to put the kit down she
184. 8:08needs to eat wait wait we need to eat
185. 8:10not this time Violet you're acting brazy
186. 8:13this thing is disgusting woohoo here's
187. 8:15your
188. 8:17juice she's pretty independent let valet
189. 8:19have her fries D I am you're all on her
190. 8:23Biz chicken
191. 8:25nugget you're welcome oh my God she said
192. 8:28thank you this who's
193. 8:32this I'm a vegetarian so I don't have
194. 8:35meat in my Big Mac can you say
195. 8:40vegetarian I'm just glad Violet likes
196. 8:42her food without ketchup because we all
197. 8:44know a ketchup kid and they're
198. 8:46disgusting just ketchup all over the
199. 8:48place ketchup tastes good but the smell
200. 8:50of it on their face is just disgusting
201. 8:53if you didn't know a ketchup kid growing
202. 8:54up you probably were the ketchup
203. 8:57kid a nice give her another piece of the
204. 9:00chicken nugget it's too big she's fine
205. 9:01she could eat a chicken nugget Violet
206. 9:04does not need to be hand fed oh good job
207. 9:07her motor skills work better than
208. 9:10[Music]
209. 9:15yours Violet do you want to go to the
210. 9:17mall and get a sick ass tea we're going
211. 9:19to the mall my favorite place My
212. 9:21Sanctuary we're going to go to the mall
213. 9:22to get Violet swag
214. 9:26out we got put her shoes on T she
215. 9:28doesn't want to leave we have to
216. 9:32Violet what no no take your shoes take
217. 9:35your shoes what the why do they have
218. 9:38these in a kid's place watch your head
219. 9:40watch her
220. 9:41[Music]
221. 9:43head I'm sorry Viet Jake's the bad guy
222. 9:45taking the kid out of the play place say
223. 9:48byebye say bye I'm sorry you're
224. 9:51torturing she's crying I'm sorry violet
225. 9:54Violet we'll we'll be back you're the
226. 9:56bad guy we'll be back it's okay I wanted
227. 9:58to stay not everything forever Violet
228. 10:01are you mad at me if I could I'd let you
229. 10:03live inside there I'm sorry Violet we're
230. 10:05going to get you a sick ass tea
231. 10:07okay my bad Tara I need help where's the
232. 10:10other part Violet what the hell that's
233. 10:12what I am saying ready here can you li
234. 10:14lift lift Violet okay Violet can you
235. 10:16believe Tara made you leave that place
236. 10:18something's hurting her babe did I I
237. 10:20didn't do it she's freaking out oh you
238. 10:21didn't put her arm through this what
239. 10:23looking what do you mean careful
240. 10:25with their arm careful with their arm oh
241. 10:26we good okay you ready let's say high
242. 10:32five W we're going to put your shoes
243. 10:37on Violet it looks so good though almost
244. 10:41got it Violet I did it you ready to go
245. 10:43inside the mall and support Corporate
246. 10:44America wait you have it's we in a
247. 10:47parking lot you can't just put on the
248. 10:48ground like that oh why is your hand wet
249. 10:50violet oh my God your hands wet no no no
250. 10:52no you can't just like go over your hand
251. 10:53in front of a car all right look both
252. 10:55ways Jake you look both ways there's a
253. 10:57car coming they'll stop for us we're
254. 11:00pedestrians ready jump hold her tight
255. 11:03hold her
256. 11:04tight woo woo jump jump
257. 11:09[Music]
258. 11:12jumping after you
259. 11:17Violet okay bye Violet I'm kidding you
260. 11:20got to hold my hand
261. 11:22[Music]
262. 11:24Violet we be closing in 15 minutes the
263. 11:28mall's Clos in 15
264. 11:31minutes V you want an
265. 11:33Oreo Jake you dropped the kid I did not
266. 11:36mean you Violet do you want an Oreo can
267. 11:38I have one no Violet you want an Oreo
268. 11:42Violet can I have an or Tara where did
269. 11:43you get the Oreos none of your business
270. 11:45where'd you get the Oreos it's Violet
271. 11:47why the isn't tar giving me any of these
272. 11:49Oreos I'm hungry too give me an ore no
273. 11:52it's for Violet T can I have that it's
274. 11:56for her you I don't know if it's it's
275. 11:59because we have a camera because we have
276. 12:00a kid but people are staring at us they
277. 12:02think we're the ace family I can't
278. 12:03believe you dropped the kid I did not
279. 12:05drop Violet you dropped Violet on head
280. 12:08when Violet has a little bit of an issue
281. 12:10when she's older it's cuz you dropped
282. 12:11her on her head over there look Violet
283. 12:14Spencer is violet do not go in the back
284. 12:17okay you going to open it for
285. 12:20you
286. 12:21open it's going to spill here just one
287. 12:24let take one at a time
288. 12:27here I'm go wart with her careful
289. 12:30careful it's going to spill oh no no no
290. 12:32no don't don't pick that up don't pick
291. 12:33that up don't pick that up hold my hand
292. 12:36Violet Violet Violet you going to hold
293. 12:38my hand Violet you going to hold my hand
294. 12:40Viet you going to hold my hand we're
295. 12:41heading the end of our road I don't
296. 12:43think Violet really cares to be with two
297. 12:45YouTubers anymore things are going south
298. 12:47I think she's catching on she knows that
299. 12:50we're trying to take her clout whatever
300. 12:52you pick T's going to buy you want that
301. 12:55whichever one you want you're shopping
302. 12:56shopping aren't you oo look at that
303. 12:58backpack that is literally your
304. 13:00size oh Pi that up pick that up pick
305. 13:04that
306. 13:06up Violet is dropping every single thing
307. 13:09she sees in Claire she is causing a
308. 13:10scene I don't blame her even at this
309. 13:12point she's probably so sick of us she
310. 13:14keeps dropping her goldfish and then
311. 13:15stepping on it avocado avocado well
312. 13:19you're dropping them you stop it Jake
313. 13:23stop eating off the flont you're fcking
314. 13:25disgusting you want an
315. 13:27avocado can we get this
316. 13:29does she want this does she want the LOL
317. 13:31you want a bracelet or something
318. 13:33[Music]
319. 13:35Violet careful
320. 13:37careful Violet be careful I'm getting
321. 13:40dizzy oh be
322. 13:42careful Violet you're going to have a
323. 13:44shopping addiction when you're oh my God
324. 13:45oh my God she's stepping on the she's
325. 13:48stepping on the Goldfish here
326. 13:50Violet you have c those Violet is that
327. 13:53show
328. 13:57F sorry
329. 13:59Violet wait Violet what about avoc you
330. 14:01just thre that at
331. 14:04me
332. 14:06okay that's the
333. 14:09problem what you you you take violet oh
334. 14:12my God Violet you're climbing
335. 14:15me you want to get ice cream you want
336. 14:18chocolate you want
337. 14:22chocolate she smacked me that's we're
338. 14:24not giving me Oreos
339. 14:26earlier oh no
340. 14:32we got the squish mellow we're going to
341. 14:33get some ice cream hopefully this is
342. 14:35what makes Violet like us again but if
343. 14:37I'm being honest with you guys I think
344. 14:39we're only going for Jake I don't think
345. 14:40anyone gives a crap about this ice cream
346. 14:42not me not violet I love ice
347. 14:46cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice
348. 14:50cream ice cream ice cream ice cream ice
349. 14:53cream ice cream Viet why your hands keep
350. 14:57getting wet what's your favorite ice
351. 14:58cream candy is it yeah for you oh
352. 15:01matches your
353. 15:02shirt try it out let me know what you
354. 15:05think she so happy you want to try mine
355. 15:08Cheers Cheers mine's peanut
356. 15:12butter Che it m m do you love
357. 15:16it yum yum can you say
358. 15:21yummy yummy can you say Tara yummy
359. 15:26yummy thank you Tara probably has a
360. 15:29little ketchup in it
361. 15:31ew thank you I knew today would be hard
362. 15:35I didn't think it'd be this easy though
363. 15:36because Violet's a good kid this is
364. 15:38super easy this is super easy except for
365. 15:40when she runs away who did you like
366. 15:42better Tara or Jake who do you like more
367. 15:45me
368. 15:46me yes yes you you can look at the ice
369. 15:49cream because you said me you can have a
370. 15:52bite but no this is I think this is
371. 15:55super fun it changed my perspective grab
372. 15:58the kid there is violet there is Chill
373. 16:02kids in this world super chill and viy
374. 16:05like violet you want ice
375. 16:08[Music]
376. 16:12cream all right Violet let's leave these
377. 16:14scumbags all right here you guys go to
378. 16:18stay with you back to me you want to say
379. 16:21bye to Jake and Tara bye bye bye Violet
380. 16:26bye
381. 16:27violet thank
382. 16:32you if there's one thing I learn there
383. 16:35are super cool babies out there
384. 16:37especially the ones that are famous I
385. 16:39don't want to be a baby hater anymore
386. 16:41and that's all thanks to Violet and
387. 16:42shout out to Bri and Chris for letting
388. 16:44us be terrible parents for the day like
389. 16:47And
390. 16:53subscribe oh yes new merch
391. 16:58[Music]
392. 17:02is that a beetle
393. 17:06ew hey guys if you put any clips from
394. 17:08this video on Tik Tok put # Jak Weber in
395. 17:11a like and comment