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Islamophobic Christian Was Going To Bomb a Mosque, Then This Happened — Transcript

by Canyon Mimbs Show · 10,639 words · 1,764 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I was fantasizing on attacking mosques
0:02[music] in Macedonia. I want to bomb
0:04them. I started making money selling
0:06drugs, partying every weekend. From one
0:08day to the next, I started having
0:10fevers, rashes, my lymph nodes started
0:13swelling and they became golf ball size.
0:16All the top clinics in Germany, nobody
0:18could find anything. My leg started
0:21swelling to twice its size and it became
0:23paralyzed. And I made the decision to
0:26off myself. I stand on this bridge,
0:28today is the day I'm going to jump. And
0:29in that moment, my phone rings. And I
0:31started watching debates between
0:33Christianity and Islam. You know what?
0:36Let me read the Quran and I'm going to
0:37dismantle it and find the devil. Once I
0:39understand Islam, I'm going to become
0:40the biggest Christian YouTuber.
0:43But starting to read the Quran, I
0:45understood that this is the book of
0:46monotheism. This is what I was seeking
0:47all the time. Right after the Shahada,
0:50everybody cut their contact with me
0:52completely.
0:57>> Bobby, will you share your full revert
1:00story with us?
1:02>> Sure will. So, my name is Bobby. I go by
1:05the name Bobby, Bobby Ristov.
1:07I am born in Germany, but to immigrant
1:10parents from northern Macedonia.
1:12Northern Macedonia has a rich history
1:14with Islam. Many people don't know that
1:16nowadays because Macedonia went through
1:18a phase of communism, then liberalism
1:20like many other European countries.
1:22However, Macedonia has been part of the
1:25Ottoman Empire for roughly 500 years.
1:28And since the communist revolution,
1:31obviously everything that was associated
1:33with religion had to be tainted in the
1:35eyes of the public. Churches were closed
1:37down, mosques were closed down. And of
1:39course, the former Ottoman Empire had to
1:41be the boogeyman.
1:43So, people had to have a
1:45uh something to look forward to, a
1:47bright future that is much better than
1:49the past, something that will lead them
1:51to
1:52societal prosperity. And therefore, the
1:55the Empire was the big boogeyman, Islam
1:57was the boogey man, Muslims were the
1:59enemy, and they enslaved the Balkans.
2:02This was the narrative that I grew up
2:03with.
2:04Then, growing up in Germany, knowing
2:07this about Islam, and as I say knowing
2:09this about Islam because this was the
2:10propaganda that I've been fed, I grew up
2:12in a low-income area as many other
2:14migrants as well, and I was surrounded
2:16by
2:17many Muslims yet again. However, those
2:20Muslims were involved like
2:23any other foreigner there as well in not
2:25so legal activities. Be it drug dealing,
2:28be it prostitution, gambling, all the
2:31vices you can imagine, those Muslims
2:34were involved in.
2:35And so, this led me to another
2:37assumption yet again that
2:39Islam is not really a spiritual
2:40religion. Islam must be something that
2:43actually just promotes your own vices
2:45because all the Muslims I saw around me
2:47did everything but eat pork. The only
2:50thing that they would abstain from would
2:51be eating pork. Everything else they
2:52would do. Matter of fact, I didn't even
2:54know that you shouldn't drink alcohol as
2:57a Muslim. That's how bad it was.
3:00It's no joke. Honestly, till the till I
3:02was I think 25 or so, I didn't know that
3:04Muslims are not supposed to drink
3:06alcohol because every Muslim that I knew
3:08was drinking alcohol, and that was the
3:10least of the issues, you know? They were
3:12doing drugs and whatnot. It was
3:13terrible. So, growing up in such an
3:15environment, I had a disdain for Islam,
3:18and as I said already based on the
3:19previous history with the Ottoman
3:20Empire,
3:22I saw Islam as some sort of warlord
3:24religion like many Christian
3:25evangelicals nowadays will say as well.
3:28And then it so happened that in the
3:29early 2000s, another war broke out on
3:32the Balkans. First the Kosovo War, and
3:35then after that the Tetovo War, and this
3:37time it was the Albanians, which were
3:39Muslim yet again, versus the Serbs, and
3:42then after that the Albanians versus the
3:44Macedonians.
3:46So, me from my biased perspective, I saw
3:48it happening again. Okay, here are the
3:50Muslims, and they are taking the
3:51Christians yet again. Certain atrocities
3:53happened during the time. Obviously, it
3:55is a wartime. Albanians, for example,
3:58destroyed a couple of churches.
4:00And this made it very emotional and very
4:03religiously tight, of course.
4:05When people said, "Here are the Muslims
4:06and they want to destroy our crosses.
4:08They want to destroy our churches."
4:10Later on, and I'm sure you know that as
4:12well, I found out that in Islam you
4:14shouldn't even destroy churches, but be
4:16that as it may. During that time, I had
4:18another reason to hate Islam.
4:21And this was my background. So, growing
4:23up, however, in my family as an Orthodox
4:26Christian,
4:27>> [snorts]
4:28>> I didn't really know much about
4:29Christianity because, as I mentioned
4:31already, my parents grew up in communism
4:33and we were not even weekend Christians
4:35or anything on those lines. We were
4:37simply Christians that would celebrate
4:38Eastern and Christmas. This is how far
4:41it went. Moreover, being the diaspora in
4:43Germany, there were not many Orthodox
4:45churches or anything on those lines. So,
4:47once or twice per year, some Macedonians
4:50would gather in Germany and we would
4:51celebrate Eastern and Christmas.
4:53And that's the extent of it. My father
4:55never read the Bible. My father was a
4:57very simple man. He grew up in Macedonia
4:59as a sheep herder, so I don't think he
5:01ever read any book, to be totally
5:02honest.
5:03And most certainly not the Bible. They
5:04never heard of the Trinity or Jesus
5:07being God. Everybody knew the concept
5:09that there is the Father and supposedly
5:12has a son, but that's how far it went,
5:14you know? We are Christians, the rest
5:16are Muslims, and that's it.
5:18I was a proud Christian, however,
5:20especially when you're younger,
5:23uh you tend to identify either
5:25patriotically with your country or with
5:28your religion. You try to cling onto
5:30some sort of identification. And hence,
5:33yes, I was a proud Macedonian Christian,
5:36even though I didn't know what that even
5:37entailed. Yeah, I told myself, "That's
5:39me." So, I
5:41proudly, very embarrassingly, wore a big
5:44golden chain with three crosses.
5:47And I didn't even know why it was three,
5:48but somebody told me, "Yeah, all good
5:50things are three, so in Christianity you
5:52need three crosses." Now I understand it
5:53was for the Trinity. I didn't even get
5:55it, you know? And that's how I was
5:55running around, pretty
5:57>> [snorts]
5:57>> cringe. Anyways,
6:00I went through my 20s and
6:03it was around about when I was 21, 22 I
6:06got heavily into the party scene. And
6:08going to the party scene, being
6:09surrounded by very liberal people, of
6:12course, I kind of lost my faith in
6:14religion. I never became a full atheist
6:17or anything on those lines. For me it
6:18was always crystal clear that there must
6:19be a God,
6:20but religious institutions started to
6:22feel old, something from the past,
6:25something that we should transcend, move
6:27past.
6:28It's not something that we have to do
6:29now. That's how I felt during that time.
6:32And I got into the new age beliefs. I
6:35looked into shamanism, spiritualism.
6:40I got very interested in psychedelics as
6:43well.
6:44Magic mushrooms, ayahuasca. I started
6:47exploring those things. And matter of
6:49fact,
6:50let me get into the story, Canyon. This
6:52is a bit
6:54Yeah, a bit of a stretch, but I have to
6:57integrate this because matter of fact, I
6:58told you in the beginning, I told people
7:00about my story, my reversion story to
7:02Islam over and over again, but this part
7:04I always left out. So I'm going to keep
7:06it for your show, so we have something
7:08new here.
7:10When I was at my peak of partying, yeah,
7:14I was like 21, 22, and I felt I really
7:18made it. Why? Because I fell into all
7:20the vices, like my surroundings.
7:23I started making money with selling
7:25drugs myself.
7:27And I made a pretty good living during
7:29that time. I was able to buy an
7:31apartment. I was driving a Mercedes. I
7:35had a race bike. I had the fancy
7:37clothes. I had three girlfriends at the
7:39time, exposing my sins, but
7:41yeah, I was living the good life for a
7:4221-22 year old. That's how it felt like.
7:46I was partying every weekend, sometimes
7:48even in the week. I knew the bouncers in
7:50the clubs, so they would just let me in
7:52and I would even sell my drugs in the
7:53club and just poison the whole thing.
7:57Anyways, it was there on my again
8:00very juvenile perceived
8:03peak of my life that I
8:05faced an autoimmune disorder.
8:09From one day to the next, I started
8:11having fevers, rashes,
8:14and it was so debilitating that I
8:17couldn't do anything anymore, but crash
8:20on the couch of my parents. So,
8:22all my previous life of living my life
8:25in my flat and whatever doing what I did
8:29ended from one day to the next. I end up
8:31on the couch of my mom
8:33with fevers, with rashes. My lymph nodes
8:35started swelling and they became golf
8:37ball sized. Everything was inflamed.
8:40Of course, back then I thought, "Okay,
8:41you caught HIV. That's what it is. It
8:44must be it."
8:45I did all the tests, but the thing is
8:47that the doctors couldn't find anything.
8:49They didn't know what it was. And so, I
8:51started going from Western doctor to
8:52Western doctor, all the top clinics in
8:54Germany, different cities. Nobody could
8:57find anything.
8:59They just declared it as an autoimmune
9:01disorder and
9:02they say that when they don't know what
9:04it is. They tell you, "Oh, it's an
9:05autoimmune disorder." Which one? "Oh,
9:07it's an autoimmune disorder." Okay,
9:08fantastic. So, it lasted roughly 2
9:11months of recurring fevers, rashes, all
9:14of those things, and nobody could help
9:15me.
9:16And now, during that time, obviously,
9:18I'm losing my business. I'm not making
9:20any money. I'm losing my girlfriends,
9:23my social circle, everything. I'm just a
9:25mess on the couch of my mom.
9:28And it gets so bad, Canyon, that my leg
9:31started swelling to twice its size.
9:35And it became paralyzed. I couldn't even
9:38walk. I was partially paralyzed. It was
9:40terrible. So this is when I started
9:42getting into alternative medicine,
9:45homeopathic medicine, Chinese medicine,
9:47acupuncture, and whatnot. We did the
9:50whole thing. It helped a little bit, but
9:53nothing healed it. I was still in the
9:55same mess.
9:57And so half a year passed, 8 months
10:00passed.
10:01I started getting depressed for the very
10:03first time. I didn't even know what
10:04depression was before that. When people
10:06would tell me I'm depressed, I would
10:07laugh at them arrogantly because I
10:09wouldn't understand what it means. But
10:11now because my body was shattered, I
10:13became severely depressed. So far so
10:17that I started just randomly punching
10:19the wall on a daily basis because I
10:21started losing my identity. I didn't
10:22even understand who I was. I was a very
10:24young man that just lost everything that
10:26he perceived as valuable. Now looking
10:28back, I know that it's nothing. It's
10:30dirt, but back then it seemed like gold,
10:32you know?
10:33Losing all of that shattered me.
10:36I died almost like an ego death. I was
10:38just confused, dazed.
10:41And I made the decision
10:44and I'm going to censor myself as much
10:45as I can for YouTube purposes to off
10:47myself.
10:49At that point, I wasn't depressed
10:50anymore. I was actually very
10:52clear-headed.
10:54I made the decision that I don't want to
10:56be remembered like this. I want to be
10:58remembered as the cool guy, the life of
11:00the party. I want to end it on my own
11:02terms. And because I couldn't fix my
11:03body, I said to myself,
11:06"Yep.
11:07I'm just going to end this life on my
11:08own terms. This is it."
11:10In that time, my best friend came to me
11:12and he started telling me about
11:14shamanism,
11:15about magic mushrooms, people in the
11:18Amazon jungle.
11:20And I told him, "Bro, shut up. Stop
11:23talking about some bushman taking drugs
11:26in the jungle. Drugs brought me where
11:28I'm today. Yeah, the whole mess that I'm
11:30in is because of drugs. I'm not going to
11:31take some stupid drugs and all to make
11:33it even worse, you know? What does it
11:35matter?
11:36And he kept on telling me, "No, you
11:37don't understand. Those are plants.
11:39Those are not drugs. It's about healing
11:41the body and your consciousness."
11:43Whatever. I just dismissed it, but the
11:45guy kept on talking about it, and he
11:46kept on bugging me with it. Every day.
11:48You have to try it. You have to
11:49So, what I did is it's not really hard
11:51in Germany to simply order
11:53a grow-yourself mushroom box from
11:56Amsterdam. Because there are no real
11:57borders, you know? They're just
11:59perceived borders, but the EU is open.
12:01So, just ordered a mushroom box where
12:03you can grow it yourself from Amsterdam,
12:05but not for me.
12:06For my friend.
12:08Yeah? Because it was his upcoming
12:09birthday.
12:11On his birthday, like a few weeks later,
12:13I give him this box, and he says, "Oh,
12:14what is this?" You know, I say, "Yeah,
12:15that's what you've been talking about,
12:16man. Here you go. Happy birthday.
12:17Mushrooms for you, you know?"
12:19And he said to me, "Oh, you're the best
12:20friend. Thank you so much. That's
12:21amazing." You know, he was so happy
12:23about it.
12:24For me, I really didn't care. I didn't
12:26even think about it much because
12:28from my background being involved with
12:30all kinds of drugs, harder drugs,
12:33I thought that mushrooms are just some
12:35stupid plant, and it cannot be that
12:36strong anyways. What should it be, you
12:38know? Just some random stuff. Cannot be
12:41cocaine. Cannot be ecstasy. Cannot be
12:42LSD. It's whatever. So, I gave it to
12:44him.
12:45And a few more weeks passed, and I
12:47forgot about it. And now comes the point
12:50where I'm so frustrated and so done with
12:52this life that I made the decision today
12:54is the day that I'm going to die.
12:56That's it.
12:57So, went to a bridge. Uh to be honest, I
12:59don't really have a fear of heights, but
13:03somewhat of a fear of free falling. I
13:05really dislike the feeling of free
13:06falling.
13:08And I said, "Okay, I'm going to end it
13:11on my terms. I'm going to overcome my
13:12fear of free falling, so I'm just going
13:14to jump off this bridge now." That
13:15sounds reasonable.
13:18So, I got myself ready, and I went to
13:19this bridge.
13:21And I know this sounds
13:23maybe a bit far-fetched, but it's really
13:24how it happened.
13:26I stand on this bridge,
13:28I review my life,
13:30and I say, "Yep, today is the day. I'm
13:31going to jump. I'm going to jump. Okay,
13:33let's get ready. I'm going to jump."
13:35And at that moment,
13:36my phone rings.
13:38I ignore it. I say, "Ah, who cares, man?
13:40Who cares for this call? I'm just going
13:41to jump anyways now." But it keeps on
13:42ringing, keeps on ringing, keeps on
13:44ringing, keeps on ringing.
13:46I say, "Okay."
13:47So, I check my phone, and
13:49the calling picture
13:51is my best friend and me together on a
13:53party like this, like hey, my friend is
13:56calling me, you know? And that brought
13:57back memories. So, I say, "Okay.
13:59Whatever, I might as well take up this
14:00call. It's going to be my last call
14:02anyways." I pick up the phone. I say,
14:03"No."
14:05And he says, "Hey, man, what's up?"
14:08I go, "Oh, nothing much. I'm just going
14:09to kill myself."
14:11And my friend, and this was the best
14:13thing he could have done,
14:14he didn't take me serious whatsoever.
14:16And for anybody facing such issues,
14:18really, don't take the person serious,
14:21because if you take the person serious,
14:22you're going to buy into the negative
14:25emotion, and you're going to drag them
14:26further down. You're going to make it
14:27even more real. So, he just ignored it.
14:29And he said,
14:31"Oh, you're going to kill yourself?
14:32Yeah, yeah, that's cool, man. Do it
14:33tomorrow."
14:35So, I say, "Why?"
14:37So, he answers,
14:38"You know the mushrooms that you gave me
14:39in the grow box?
14:41I harvested them. It's finished. The
14:43yield is here. Let's just do them."
14:46And I said, "No, man, why would I? You
14:47know, who cares? I'm going to kill
14:48myself anyways today." He says, "Yeah,
14:49yeah, yeah, listen. You never did
14:51mushrooms in your life. Just do it
14:53today.
14:54You never tried them before, and kill
14:55yourself tomorrow if you didn't like
14:57it."
14:58So, that sparked my curiosity, you know?
15:00So, I said,
15:02"Okay, you got a point, I guess, you
15:03know?" So, I limped to my car, halfway
15:05paralyzed,
15:06drove down
15:08to a It's a called to the Rhine River in
15:11Germany, and that's where we met.
15:13And there I meet my friend, and he never
15:14did mushrooms in his life, and I never
15:15did mushrooms. We have no clue what is
15:17facing us now.
15:19And he's opening up this Tupperware box.
15:22And Kenyon, in the Tupperware box,
15:24roughly 100 g of mushrooms.
15:28>> That's 100
15:29>> Yeah, 100 g of mushrooms, yeah. So, for
15:31people watching, 5 g is declared a
15:35heroic dose. So, this is what the
15:38psychonauts deem to be one of the
15:41strongest dose possible. Anyways, we
15:43have 100 g in there.
15:44And all the mushrooms are dried up and
15:46shriveled up. That is normal. When you
15:49dry mushrooms, they shrivel up. It's
15:50completely normal. But we idiots didn't
15:52know it, right? So, my friend shows them
15:53to me and says, "You know, they're all
15:55dried up and shriveled up. I I think
15:57they don't work anymore."
15:58So, I said, "Uh yeah, okay, I guess. So,
16:01how are they supposed to look like?" He
16:02says, "When I picked them, they were
16:03fresh, you know, just like pizza
16:04mushrooms. And now, yeah, they're all
16:06dried up. I think they don't work
16:07anymore."
16:08So, I said, "Okay, man. What are you
16:09saying? You called me here, you know, I
16:11aborted my mission, and now you have
16:12those shriveled up mushrooms. What
16:14should we do?" He says, "I don't know. I
16:15guess we still can try them." I said,
16:17"Okay.
16:17Let's just eat them all.
16:19Let's just eat them all. If that's so
16:21weak anyways, let's just eat them all."
16:23So, he says, "Oh, okay, I guess." So, we
16:25went 50/50, literally 50/50, 50 g each.
16:28That was 10 times the heroic dose.
16:31>> [laughter]
16:32>> Yeah, never try this, guys. But anyways,
16:35long story short, we take the mushrooms,
16:38and it's so much I will never forget
16:39this because I had to chew like a cow,
16:41you know.
16:43It was almost impossible to eat this. It
16:45took us like 10 minutes to eat it, and
16:46they already started kicking in whilst
16:48eating them because it was so much, you
16:49know.
16:50And so, now during that time, I was very
16:52ego-centrical. I was very
16:55I was acting cool and tough in my early
16:56twenties.
16:58And we're walking down
17:00next to the river.
17:02And my friend looks over to me, and he's
17:03asking me, "Hey, bro, do you feel
17:04something?"
17:05And I'm acting tough, you know. "Nope,
17:07nothing."
17:08"Nothing." He says, "Oh, okay, okay." We
17:11keep on walking. After 5 minutes, he
17:12asked me again, "Bro, do you feel
17:14something because I I really do you
17:15something."
17:16I said, "Uh
17:17nah, nothing, man. Nothing. But I start
17:19feeling very, very strange. Like very,
17:21very strange. So we keep on walking
17:23again and he asked me,
17:26"Uh bro,
17:27I really start feeling something." And
17:28you see his eyes are rolling back, you
17:30know, the guy looks
17:31like a fear loving of Las Vegas.
17:33And I say,
17:35uh yeah, maybe I feel a little bit.
17:38And then we keep on walking and then he
17:41looks at me and he looks at me in total
17:42shock. He says, "Bro,
17:44you must be feeling this, right?"
17:46And at moment, I see this tree.
17:50Have you ever watched the movie The
17:51Matrix? There's this famous scene when
17:54Trinity,
17:55she jumps up and then there's this 360°
17:58camera
17:59roll around her. That was epic in 1999.
18:02Nowadays, it's no special effect
18:04anymore, but back then, it was the first
18:05time that a person can jump up, stop in
18:09midair and then the camera goes around.
18:11It was very epic. But anyways, I see
18:12this tree
18:14and I see the tree in 360, right? I'm
18:16looking all around the tree. But then I
18:19notice that tree is behind me. Like 100,
18:22200 m behind me, yeah.
18:24And I whoa. So my skull just open up and
18:26I perceive everything.
18:27I'm going to cut the trip short because
18:29this is not a trip channel here.
18:33What happened is
18:35actually everything they tell you in
18:36school about how the sun is sending
18:38photons, the trees are absorbing CO2 and
18:42producing oxygen. I saw it all.
18:44I saw it all in real life. I looked
18:46around and I saw nature breathing and
18:48working, nourishing everything. I was
18:50like, wow, that's that's pretty cool.
18:51That's amazing.
18:53Then out of sudden, on the floor, on the
18:55ground, which was partially muddy,
18:58partially sand, partially grass, I
19:00started seeing Mayan and Aztec and
19:02patterns everywhere. Basically, you see
19:04on those pyramids in Machu Picchu and
19:06whatnot.
19:07I was like, okay, that's interesting.
19:09Then and started speaking to me.
19:12Anyways, it was a very very interesting
19:14experience until it turned sideways
19:17because we took so much
19:19I completely lost my sense of self, but
19:23completely. I didn't understand who I
19:25was. I didn't understand
19:28what my name is. I didn't really
19:29understand what it means to be human. I
19:31really didn't know anymore.
19:33I'm not acting like, "Oh,
19:35to compare it, oh yes, if you drink and
19:36now oh I forgot last night." No, no, no.
19:40I didn't understand what I was. I was
19:42looking at my hand
19:44and it was as if I spawned in some sort
19:46of avatar world. I couldn't understand
19:47why I had five fingers, for example. I
19:49didn't understand what this was, how to
19:50use it. I had to relearn everything.
19:53>> [snorts]
19:53>> So, I died the ego death.
19:56I completely obliterated myself and I
19:58was convinced that I'm dead. I didn't
20:00even understand what life meant. I
20:02didn't understand what humans were. I
20:04was looking at my friend and I didn't
20:05understand who he was. So, I asked him,
20:07"Who are you?" And he looks at me and
20:09told me to like to say, crying and
20:11laughing and say, "Me? Who? You? What is
20:14the I?" I was like, "Yeah, okay.
20:18Thanks for the tip, man."
20:20It was crazy. It took roughly 8 hours
20:22for us to come down again.
20:25And thank god I was able to operate my
20:27phone again. I say operate because it
20:29felt like operating a Boeing 737, you
20:32know, like uh uh uh uh uh uh
20:33to call my friends and they picked us up
20:35and they brought me back to safety.
20:38And then they asked me, "Okay, man, how
20:40do you feel now?"
20:42And I was actually smiling and I said,
20:45"Man, pretty good."
20:46And that's when it hit me because I
20:48realized I haven't said this in 1 year.
20:50Remember, I was sick. I was depressed. I
20:53was partially paralyzed. I haven't said
20:55I feel good in 1 year.
20:57I was like, "Oh,
20:59wait a second, let me check something."
21:00So, I went to the bathroom and I pulled
21:02my pants down
21:03and my leg that was swollen twice the
21:05size was back to normal.
21:08This is after the trip, Kenny. I'm not
21:10talking about who I'm tripping and now
21:11I'm feeling good and imagining things.
21:13No.
21:14My leg was back to normal. My lymph
21:17nodes were back to maybe like 20% almost
21:21healed. Everything returned to its
21:23normal state.
21:25I hated the experience. I didn't want to
21:27get involved into psychedelics
21:28whatsoever.
21:29But
21:31because I saw the physical progress, I
21:33said, "Okay, this is what I have to do."
21:35And this essentially how my journey
21:37started into psychedelics, new age
21:39shamanism.
21:41That's what brought me to growing my own
21:44mushrooms, the things that I hated so
21:45much. I started growing them. I started
21:47doing mushrooms every day. My heroic
21:50dose, my record became 100 g of
21:52mushrooms just by myself. That was my
21:54last trip then and that's where I left
21:56it.
21:57But then later on I went to the Amazon
21:59jungle and I was further seeking. I went
22:01to the shamans matter of fact and I got
22:03so lucky
22:04to not be on some sort of ayahuasca
22:06tourist trip, but I met the shamans in
22:08the Amazon jungle in Peru in Iquitos
22:11and they even taught me how to brew the
22:13ayahuasca. Ayahuasca for people that
22:15don't know is a
22:17let's call it hallucinogen
22:18hallucinogenic brew made out of two
22:21specific plants from the Amazon jungle.
22:24What's just so fascinating however is
22:25that the Amazon jungle approximately has
22:28500,000 different plants. However, those
22:30people somehow found out to combine two
22:33to have those visions.
22:35Very interesting stuff. So anyways, I
22:36got into shamanism then. I was brewing
22:38my own ayahuasca. I was living in a
22:39tent. I was washing myself in the Amazon
22:42river.
22:44Not recommended at all. You're going to
22:45get killed by mosquitoes doing that. I
22:47was drinking rain water,
22:49coconuts, some fruits that we had there
22:52regionally. This was a time where I was
22:54exploring veganism as well.
22:56Very stupidly because in the jungle we
22:57should have hunted, but I was just
22:58eating the fruits in the jungle and
23:00drinking ayahuasca instead.
23:02I was 60 kg at that point, like a
23:04skeleton figure.
23:05Very, very skinny.
23:07But anyways,
23:08I did all of those things. Yeah? I
23:10traveled the world, I did the
23:11psychedelics.
23:12Then after that, to ground myself, I
23:15went to Asia. I went to the Buddhist
23:18temples, to the monasteries here in
23:20Thailand. I spent time in the
23:22monasteries as well. I shaved my head.
23:25I was sweeping the floor there as a
23:28novice. You have to sweep the floor. You
23:29have to do all the errands, the work,
23:31meditating all day long, feeding the
23:33monks and whatnot. I did that, too. In
23:36Bali, now you're in Indonesia, in Bali
23:38during that time, I went to the Hindu
23:40temples as well, learned about their
23:42religions.
23:44I basically did it all.
23:46And then came a time
23:48when
23:49after all of it was said and done,
23:52I felt completely empty.
23:54Completely empty. Even though I did all
23:56of this, and I was seeking
23:58enlightenment, if you will. As I
24:00mentioned in the beginning, religions
24:01were something from the past, I thought,
24:04and now I can just travel and pick and
24:05choose, and come up with my own divine
24:07revelations, just as the Buddha did.
24:10All of it felt extremely empty. I was
24:13left with nothing whatsoever.
24:15And I was looking back on those things,
24:17on stories. I mean, I just told you the
24:18story right now, and you would think,
24:19"Hmm,
24:20this must contribute something to your
24:22life." But really, it didn't. You know,
24:24I'm telling you the story as like I'm
24:25telling you a story of
24:27another life, another guy.
24:29Because to me, I was at ground zero
24:31still. I had no peace in my heart
24:33whatsoever. I was seeking. And that's
24:36the thing.
24:37Sure, if you're seeking,
24:40the journey that you might embark on can
24:42be exciting, surely.
24:44But the state that you're in is a state
24:46of restlessness, because you're seeking,
24:48you're seeking, you're seeking. You
24:49don't have fulfillment.
24:50And you will never attain peace whilst
24:53in the mode of seeking.
24:55Of course, like Jesus said, seek and you
24:57shall find. But the state of seeking
25:00is very troublesome. Many people give up
25:02during that time. Anyways, for me, I
25:04came to ground zero and I realized, wow,
25:06I've absolutely nothing, even though I
25:07did all of those things.
25:10If anything, I built a spiritual ego
25:11now. Before that, I was the drug dealer.
25:15I thought, okay, material wealth is what
25:16you need. And now I think, ooh, I'm
25:19superior because I had all of those
25:20experiences.
25:22You're still nothing better. Still just
25:24a human. And you're still missing the
25:26most fundamental thing, which was God.
25:28So, this is when I realized that I
25:30actually was way happier
25:32when I was a little child
25:34in
25:36my room, in my parents' apartment, just
25:38praying to God,
25:40than I ever was seeking.
25:42Because, as I said,
25:44my parents, they didn't really teach me
25:45about Christianity. My father would
25:47always say, there is one God,
25:50and that God is the greatest.
25:53Allahu Akbar. That's what he would say,
25:54intuitively.
25:56And I would ask him, how do you know
25:57about God? And he would say,
25:59you know, I was just a sheep herder, and
26:02every time I would go to nature,
26:04I would just feel God. I would
26:06understand, he's there. He gives us
26:08life. And he's just the greatest.
26:10There's nothing like him.
26:12He got that. He had the fitra, you know?
26:14Amazing.
26:15And that was the teaching that I grew up
26:17with, nothing about the Trinity or
26:19anything along those lines.
26:20So, as a kid, I was always simply
26:22praying to one God alone.
26:24And after my journey, I realized, yeah,
26:26that's when I was the happiest. So, let
26:27me return
26:28to God. How do I do that? Let me return
26:31to Christianity. That's the only thing
26:32that
26:33makes sense to me. Can't be Islam. I
26:36went through all the religions, right?
26:38And Islam certainly is not it, because I
26:40know Islam. I've seen it. I know exactly
26:42what it is, so I thought. So, I'm not
26:45going to look into Islam. Let me get
26:46back to Christianity, metal fence, to
26:48Orthodox Christianity, because this is
26:51our faith on the Balkans.
26:53So, now I was the first one in my family
26:55to actually re-research Orthodox
26:57Christianity.
26:59And I was quite shocked, to be honest,
27:01because for the first time I had to
27:03understand that the Trinity is part of
27:05my faith.
27:06And from the get-go, I hated it. I
27:09couldn't believe it. It just made no
27:11sense whatsoever.
27:14I started reading the church fathers. I
27:17started reading modern works
27:19from a man called Father Seraphim Rose.
27:22He's a very famous
27:24mm 20th century Orthodox Christian from
27:27America, as well, a convert to Orthodox
27:28Christianity. And he wrote many famous
27:30works.
27:32I really started looking into it, and I
27:34wanted to believe, and I wanted to say,
27:36"Now I found the truth." because this
27:37was the only thing that was left. There
27:39cannot be anything else.
27:41But
27:42I still didn't get the answer. So,
27:45I
27:46essentially did what I did previously. I
27:48realized that my journey hasn't been
27:49finished yet, so I have to
27:52do one last travel, so to speak. And I
27:54went to Mount Athos. For people that
27:56don't know, Mount Athos is in Greece.
27:59It is an island in Greece, and it hasn't
28:01been changed for roughly 1,200 years.
28:05It is the same way that it was 1,200
28:08years ago. Meaning,
28:09it is an island filled with monasteries,
28:12priests, bishops, archbishops, monks
28:15that live there and pray the way that
28:17Orthodox Christians have been praying
28:19for the past 1,000 years.
28:21No women are allowed, and no, they're
28:23not doing the creepy Vatican there.
28:25It's still maintaining
28:28some sort of humility.
28:30But anyhow, it is just monks praying
28:33there and living the Orthodox life.
28:36They have no electricity over there, no
28:38internet, no running water. You have to
28:40go to a well to catch water. They're
28:42catching fish. They have sheep over
28:43there, as well.
28:45So, really really interesting to see. It
28:47feels like time travel to be totally
28:48honest. Anyways, I thought if I go
28:50there, there's basically the Mecca of
28:52the Orthodox Christians,
28:53I will get my answers.
28:55I went over there
28:57and I got no answers whatsoever.
28:58Anybody that I would ask about the
29:00Trinity, they would tell me it's a
29:01mystery.
29:02Nobody talked about God. They all talked
29:05about Jesus and most frustratingly to
29:08me, they talked about Mother Mary.
29:11There was one day
29:13when I went to this island. I didn't
29:14know that you need a specific permit, a
29:16visa. I got the visa to get onto the
29:18island, but I didn't know that you need
29:19a permit in order to sleep over a
29:21monastery.
29:23And so now I was looking for a place to
29:24stay. Imagine, it's an island with a big
29:27mountain and a forest.
29:29They say there are wolves around there,
29:30wild wolves. So, if you don't sleep
29:32inside, you might get eaten.
29:34So, I go from monastery to monastery to
29:36seek shelter and I'm asking those monks,
29:38"Hey guys, can I sleep here?" And they
29:39ask me for the permit.
29:41And I say, "Guys, I don't have a permit,
29:43but
29:43I'm your brother in Christ, you know?
29:45Can you please let me sleep over here?
29:46Otherwise, I'm going to get eaten."
29:48They were like, "Oh, no, sorry, we're
29:49full."
29:50I was like, "Oh, wow. Love thy neighbor,
29:51huh? Amazing. That's the Christian
29:54love."
29:54So, I had to go from monastery to
29:56monastery and just before the sun
29:58settled, I finally found one monastery.
30:00I told them my story. I told them what I
30:02did, how I got there.
30:04And one very [clears throat]
30:06kind monk looked at me, but what he said
30:09I will never forget because he looked at
30:10me and said,
30:12"Ah,
30:13Mother Mary must have brought you here."
30:16And when he said that, I cringed so hard
30:19because I thought to myself, "Man, if
30:21anything, you know, it must have been
30:22God that brought me here. Why would it
30:24be Mother Mary?
30:25Why would it be the mother of Jesus that
30:27brought me here now?"
30:28But that's what I realized. Orthodox
30:30Christianity, especially Mount Athos, is
30:32a Jesus and Mary cult.
30:34Matter of fact, Kenya, the reason why no
30:36women are allowed there is because they
30:38believe that this island belongs to
30:40Mother Mary. She's the only woman
30:42allowed there.
30:43That's what they believe. And no other
30:45woman is allowed, just Mother Mary.
30:47So, this is what I saw in the worship.
30:48It was about kissing icons, about
30:50venerating, they say, the saints, Mary.
30:54And I came back
30:56completely disillusioned.
30:58And I started watching debates between
30:59Christianity and Islam and this and
31:01that. And I started seeing
31:03the Muslims actually make some good
31:04points. You know what?
31:06Let me just do it like David Wood.
31:10The absolutely amazing David Wood. The
31:12great David Wood.
31:13Let me read the Quran just like he did.
31:16And I'm going to dismantle it and find
31:18the devil, just like he did.
31:20And once I do that, I will understand my
31:21enemy. Keep your friends close, but your
31:23enemy closer. Once I understand Islam,
31:25I'm going to become the biggest
31:27Christian YouTuber, the biggest
31:28apologist for Christ. I'm going to
31:30become strong in my faith because first
31:32I have to dismantle the enemy. And that
31:34was my motivation to read the Quran.
31:37That was it. No good intentions
31:39whatsoever.
31:40But starting to read the Quran,
31:43the rest is history, of course. Yeah. I
31:45understood that this is the book of
31:46monotheism, that this is what I was
31:48seeking all the time.
31:50When I read the Quran, I understand this
31:52was not about adopting something new
31:54whatsoever. For me, it was about
31:55returning. I understood why they call it
31:57reverting. About becoming normal. About
32:01becoming a human being.
32:03About understanding what your role, what
32:05your place is in this life. About
32:07attaining peace. I'm not a fan when
32:09people say Islam is the religion of
32:11peace.
32:12No, not in that sense.
32:14But
32:15internal peace for yourself, most
32:17certainly is.
32:18You cannot attain any type of peace
32:20without you submitting yourself to God.
32:23It's completely impossible. And that's
32:25what I realized while I was reading the
32:26Quran.
32:27>> [snorts]
32:28>> And I'm over here.
32:29That's the story.
32:32>> Wow.
32:33That's crazy.
32:36That's crazy. What do you think
32:37yourself, 20 20-year-old Bobby,
32:42would think of who you are now?
32:46>> Bob, that's a very interesting question.
32:48I think you would think that I'm boring,
32:51an idiot.
32:54>> [laughter]
32:55>> To be totally honest. Yeah, because I
32:56realized that I became everything that I
32:58hated.
32:59Everything that I hated.
33:01As a 20-year-old, I hated Islam. I
33:04really hated it with a vengeance. I have
33:06to tell you this. I remember this during
33:07that time,
33:09I was fantasizing
33:12Astaghfirullah, but it's really true. I
33:13was fantasizing on attacking mosques
33:16in Macedonia.
33:18I want to get rid of them. I want to
33:19bomb them, genuinely. I was fantasizing,
33:21I was thinking about that. So, if I was
33:23radicalized during that time,
33:25I would have been a Christian terrorist.
33:27I really hated Islam. It's not that I
33:29disliked it, or I'm going to look into
33:31it later.
33:32I hated it. I didn't want to have
33:34anything to do with it.
33:35Matter of fact, I have to mention this
33:36as well.
33:38My father, even though he's upon the
33:40fitra,
33:42doesn't talk to me to this very day.
33:44Because of our cultural upbringing, the
33:46identification can in us so strong. The
33:48identification is so strong that we as
33:51Slavs on the Balkan, they call us Slavs.
33:53We just speak a Slavic language. I don't
33:55think they were Slavs. Anyways,
33:57we are supposed to be Christians. We
33:59cannot be Muslims. That's it. And once
34:01you adopt Islam, you become a Turk.
34:04That's how they call you. They call me a
34:05Turk now.
34:07Because matter of fact, I look into the
34:08Ottoman Empire, and I didn't understand
34:09why they say it, but it's true. The
34:11Ottoman Empire was not only Turkic
34:14people, but you had Bulgarians, you had
34:17Serbians, you had Slavs
34:19that accepted Islam, Albanians, and they
34:22became part of the Ottoman Empire, of
34:24the governance, and they had to speak
34:27Turkish and Arabic. And so, therefore,
34:29they became Turks. And even if you will
34:31DNA tests nowadays into modern day
34:33Turkey, you will see that my DNA for
34:35example is the same
34:36as many people in Turkey.
34:39Turkish people, you have many different
34:41DNA strings there due to the Ottoman
34:42Empire. So, essentially becoming a
34:44Muslim on the Balkan was associated with
34:46becoming a Turk.
34:48Changing your nation, leaving your
34:50family. And this is why my father to
34:51this very day doesn't talk with me. So,
34:53the hatred
34:55is embedded on the Balkan. So, therefore
34:57you asked me how I would feel, I would
34:59think that this guy went crazy.
35:01He took some mushrooms in the jungle and
35:03now he's a Muslim.
35:05That's what I would think. The guy lost
35:06it completely.
35:07So, yeah, the 20-year-old me would
35:09certainly hate what he sees.
35:12I'm sure.
35:13In most ways.
35:15>> Was it right after you became Muslim
35:17that you then felt full? Cuz it sounds
35:20like this entire journey you're you're
35:21searching to find a way to be full.
35:24>> Yeah.
35:25>> Did that happen after the Shahada?
35:28>> I don't know if you ever saw the video,
35:30it's on my channel, it's very short. My
35:31Shahada, I take the Shahada actually
35:33here in Thailand with Sheikh Uthman.
35:36And you can still see it partially on
35:39the video, but most of it is cut out. It
35:41happens afterwards.
35:43When I say the Shahada,
35:45I feel like I just finished a marathon.
35:49It was insane. It felt really I finished
35:51a marathon.
35:53I could feel it physically, as if I just
35:55stopped running.
35:57And I remember Sheikh Uthman came and he
36:00he hugged me and I just said,
36:04I do exhale as if I just finished a run.
36:06It felt so heavy.
36:08So, yes, all that burden was gone, all
36:11that seeking was gone. The fullness
36:14was
36:16there after saying the Shahada.
36:18100%, which doesn't mean that there are
36:20no other struggles once you become a
36:22Muslim, of course.
36:24But this inner peace
36:26I had in my heart came after saying the
36:28Shahadah. This when I finished my run.
36:30It's done.
36:32Yeah, 100%.
36:34>> And what happened after that? So, you
36:35take the Shahadah, and where where did
36:37where did your life head next?
36:39>> Yeah, it's terrible.
36:40>> [laughter]
36:41>> So, after taking the Shahadah, yeah,
36:43everything
36:44Yeah, everything just crumbled, man. It
36:46was insane.
36:47I had a YouTube channel, still have a
36:49YouTube channel, and the Shahadah went
36:51viral. I just uploaded from my phone,
36:54like right there and there.
36:56And I think it generated,
36:58I don't know, man, like
36:59I think 200,000 clicks in like
37:025 hours or something like that. It
37:04It went rapid, yeah. And this was before
37:07I was even able to tell anybody, all
37:10right?
37:11My parents found out.
37:13All of Macedonia found out as well. You
37:15know, the thing is this, Macedonia, all
37:17of Macedonia, it's not big, yeah.
37:19Macedonia has a population of almost 2
37:21million people. It's tiny. It's a city.
37:24Yeah, and only 1.3,
37:271.5 million are Macedonian Slavs, and
37:30the rest are Albanians.
37:32So, it just spread like a wildfire.
37:33Everybody found out, everybody freaked
37:35out. People started screaming, "He
37:37became a Turk. He became an Albanian. He
37:39left his family."
37:41And I see the thing going viral, and I
37:43think, "Okay, might as well call my
37:45parents right now and just let them
37:47know."
37:48And I called them video call. My mother
37:50starts crying frantically. My father
37:53just looks at me, and I'll never forget
37:55this. His last words were just looking
37:56at me and saying,
37:58"No.
37:59No."
38:00And he just took off. That's it. He took
38:02off.
38:03I think he jumped on his bike. He has a
38:04chopper, and just drove off, frustrated
38:06as well. Everybody cut the contact with
38:09me.
38:10Uh my wife at the time as well, just It
38:13was unbelievable. Everybody cut the
38:15contact with me completely. This is what
38:17happened right after the Shahadah.
38:20Another interesting thing is as well,
38:22you might think the
38:24struggle would get easier, but I was hit
38:26with another autoimmune disorder right
38:28after taking the shahada.
38:30Very interesting as well. I don't know
38:31where this will take me.
38:33And I was
38:35a new Muslim
38:36going through my prayers, completely
38:39alienated from my family. They disowned
38:40me as well. Everybody cut the ties, and
38:43I'm battling with a new autoimmune
38:44disorder. I'm trying to heal myself yet
38:47again, you know? So, yeah, this what
38:49happened right after taking the shahada.
38:50It was just struggle after struggle
38:52after struggle after struggle.
38:54And this is what I find so comical. I
38:56don't need to convince anybody, you
38:57know? I couldn't care less, honestly.
38:59You cannot convince anybody online
39:00anyways. But I see comments often times
39:02when people say,
39:04"Oh, yeah, he became Muslim for the bag.
39:06He's a grifter, you know?"
39:08>> [laughter]
39:09>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did it for views.
39:10He did it for clicks. Man, okay, if you
39:12really think that this is why I did it
39:14for, knock yourself out. Have fun with
39:15it. The reality is I lost everything
39:18during that time. I had financial
39:21burdens as well, investments that
39:23exploded during that Everything that
39:25could go wrong went wrong after me
39:27taking the shahada. But as we know, in
39:29the Quran we read as well that we will
39:31be tested, right? So,
39:33I just accepted it as the challenge and
39:35kept on going since then. And
39:37alhamdulillah, nowadays it looks much
39:39brighter, much better. But still, with
39:40most of my family members, I'm not in
39:42contact.
39:44I write them sometimes. Hey, how are
39:47you? Nobody responds.
39:48Well, that's fine, you know? It is what
39:50it is.
39:52>> What would you say to
39:54a new revert who is just starting that
39:56phase? Family just found out, and
39:58they've just been like fully shunned
39:59from the family, cuz we see this right
40:01time and time again. And it's arguably
40:02one of the hardest challenges they go
40:04through. And many reverts have no clue
40:06how they can either navigate it, or it
40:08just it just destroys them. What what
40:10would you say?
40:11>> I would say that you have to know
40:14yourself, right? If you're a person that
40:16cannot deal with it alone, it is very
40:18important to be surrounded by good
40:19brothers. That's very important to have
40:21a social community that will help you,
40:23that will affirm you.
40:25That is very very important. For me,
40:27alhamdulillah, I was always somewhat of
40:28a lone wolf, so having a community or
40:30not having a community for me, as I
40:32said, I can be alone in the jungle as
40:34well. It's fine, you know? So, this is
40:35not my struggle, but for people that
40:37have that struggle of isolation, for
40:39example, I would say that's very
40:40important to be surrounded by good
40:41brothers.
40:43But, that aside,
40:45the most important thing is to
40:46understand, to fully understand why you
40:48did this.
40:50So, you didn't revert to Islam for this
40:53life, anyways. Reverting to Islam means
40:55that you understood on a fundamental
40:57level that this year
40:59is not it.
41:01It's temporary. You're living for an
41:03afterlife. You believe in an afterlife.
41:05You believe in the creator. And if you
41:07believe, truly believe in this,
41:10everything else fades by comparison,
41:11anyways. What are your little struggles
41:14with your family?
41:15It's just like a dream. Who cares about
41:17it, genuinely?
41:18All of us will return to our Lord.
41:21That's what the Quran says.
41:23Hence, this year is not really a big
41:26deal.
41:27You make it a big deal. You imagine it
41:29to be something, but in reality, it is
41:31not.
41:32It is just like the blink of an eye and
41:33will be over. So, just focus on your
41:35akhirah, concentrate on yourself. And
41:38matter of fact, I would say that this is
41:39very important, not only when you're
41:41facing the struggle of reverting, but
41:44even when you're facing the temptation
41:47of reverting everybody around you.
41:50And preaching to everybody, and
41:52spreading the good news, you know? It's
41:53very important to understand that you
41:55yourself have to do so much in order to
41:58attain the akhirah.
42:00It is
42:01so much on our plates already, you know?
42:02Did you wake up for Fajr today? Did you
42:04finish your five prayers?
42:06Are you giving zakat? There's so much
42:08that we have to do.
42:09Do you rest Do you recite? Do you
42:10memorize?
42:12So much obligations that we have on
42:13ourselves already
42:14and now we think that we have to change
42:16everybody around us.
42:18Just focus on yourself, focus on what is
42:20coming for you, try to be the best
42:22Muslim you can be and everything else
42:24will go smoothly anyways. That's how I
42:25see this.
42:28>> That is a downfall a lot of reverts
42:30where and I found this right this is
42:32exactly what I found. Not having enough
42:35fundamental knowledge and then
42:36immediately making it my priority to fix
42:38everyone else when I was still like
42:40totally on the wrong side.
42:42>> Yeah, exactly. Exactly.
42:44Yeah, because once you revert it's
42:46normal. You become very zealous and you
42:48found the truth.
42:49And sometimes it's very frustrating.
42:50Even now it has been almost 4 years or
42:52so that I reverted
42:54and looking around, especially talking
42:57to Christians, I think to myself
42:59you can't really believe this, man.
43:01So you study the Christian books, right?
43:04You have a degree in philosophy and now
43:06you still believe that a Jewish man died
43:08on a cross for you and he is God. And
43:11you really believe this.
43:12How do I reach them?
43:14How do I reach those people? I don't
43:15understand. And so sometimes it becomes
43:17frustrating but then I let go again and
43:19realize yeah, but
43:21I have a lot to learn as well, you know,
43:22and I have my pitfalls, too. And we all
43:24have our sinful behavior, too, that we
43:26have to fix first. So let God handle
43:29that anyways. You know, it's not my
43:30responsibility to fix anybody around me.
43:34Which leads to even more peace, you
43:35know?
43:36This is what I see as well, just a quick
43:38critique on the Dawah scene that we
43:39have.
43:41You obviously don't do that. You're
43:43sharing stories and that's beautiful.
43:45But many people they engage in a lot of
43:46debating, arguing back and forth,
43:49destroying the other.
43:51You're not going to reach anybody with
43:52that and that's not what Dawah is. Dawah
43:54is an invitation.
43:56You're just sending out the message.
43:58Essentially imagine it like you're
44:00inviting somebody to your wedding.
44:02You're not going to say, "Come to my
44:03wedding. Don't you understand? I'm
44:05getting married. It's the best thing
44:06ever. Come on." No, you're just going to
44:08say, "Hey, welcome. I'm going to get
44:09married in 1 month. You're invited." And
44:11that's about it. So, Dawah is just
44:13conveying the message of Islam, what it
44:15means. The message of the one true God.
44:18And this is what we have to remind
44:19ourselves of. It's not that complex.
44:21It's not that deep. You know, we don't
44:22even have to get engaged into all of
44:24those polemics. Simply
44:27call people to the worship of one God
44:29in your way, in your style. God made us
44:31all different. And that's about it. Then
44:33focus on yourself.
44:35And be the shining example. Even though
44:36it sounds corny, but it's really true.
44:38Just work on yourself.
44:40>> Yeah, something my Sheikh told me was
44:42we've become very accustomed to masking
44:46our ego behind the idea of giving Dawah,
44:50right? Especially with debates or overly
44:53unnecessarily criticizing other public
44:55figure Muslims that like
44:56>> Yes.
44:57>> Oh, I'm doing this to, you know, forbid
44:59evil, but it's really just cuz you don't
45:00like that person and you get to mask it
45:02behind knowledge, but it's just a dig at
45:04them.
45:04>> Yes, absolutely. This is exactly what I
45:06meant when I said a spiritual ego.
45:09Because the human being is prone to fall
45:12into egoism egoism egotism.
45:14And it doesn't matter what you hide this
45:16behind.
45:17When people have this sickness and they
45:19have this issue, they can bring it into
45:21the religion and it's very ugly.
45:23It's not the religion. This people yet
45:25again. But yes,
45:27they will have this ego problem that
45:28they will bring into the religion and
45:30then they will use the religion in order
45:32to perpetuate their own sickness.
45:35It's actually very very evil and we have
45:37to take care when we do that.
45:39And exactly what you said here, to
45:40forbid evil.
45:42If it's really about forbidding evil,
45:43then you can advise a brother offline.
45:45You don't have to make a video about it.
45:47You know, he said this, he said that and
45:48let's just discuss in front of everybody
45:51and give the Christians more fuel to
45:53hate us. For what, man?
45:55If you really are genuine, it's just
45:57like Zakat, right?
45:59I'm not going to say how much I gave.
46:00Hey guys,
46:02why? You just give because you want to
46:03give truly. So if you really want to
46:05advise somebody you do it offline. Very
46:07very simple.
46:08But yeah, the ummah has been in that
46:10type of state for the longest time, you
46:12know, actually since the passing of the
46:13prophet Sallallahu alaihi wasallam.
46:15There always have been has been
46:17upheaval. I don't think it's going to
46:18get any better, you know. It is what it
46:20is. That's why we have to work on our
46:21self.
46:22If I would look at the Muslims only
46:25and not at Islam, I wouldn't be a
46:27Muslim.
46:29I would leave I would leave Islam
46:30tomorrow, honestly, if I would look only
46:32at the Muslims. Not saying that there
46:34are no beautiful Muslims as well, of
46:35course there are.
46:36But if I would base it on
46:39the bad experience that I had, I would
46:41leave Islam tomorrow.
46:42So, this is why I came to understand the
46:45saying
46:46Islam is perfect but Muslims are not.
46:48It's just true.
46:52>> You had two times through your story
46:54where you experienced the high inflated
46:55ego, right? When you're on top of the
46:57world in the material life and then in
46:59the spiritual sense. I'm going to assume
47:01somewhere in the journey when you
47:03started learning more about Islam, you
47:04probably had a pretty big perspective
47:06change on the idea of ego.
47:09>> Mhm.
47:10>> [snorts]
47:12>> That's a very interesting question. I
47:14would say that the first perspective
47:16change, to be completely honest, was
47:18through psychedelics.
47:20Because in that psychedelic realm, I
47:22understood that everything I tell myself
47:25is a story.
47:27Everything I tell myself. Meaning
47:30I tell myself the story now that I'm
47:33Bobby.
47:35This a name, this a nickname that has
47:36been given to me by
47:39an ex-girlfriend long long time ago.
47:41Anyways,
47:43my parents could have given me another
47:44name, then I would go by that name. So
47:46therefore, I'm not saying that there is
47:48no meaning to names, but at the same
47:50time
47:52it is almost random.
47:54You could have been called Jim, you
47:55could have been called Max, what have
47:58you. Now you're called Canyon and we
47:59address each other as that.
48:01It was just a label that we
48:04put onto each other to identify.
48:06Yeah? So, that's what I realized within
48:08my psychedelic experiences that we tell
48:10ourselves story after story after story.
48:11Okay, now I'm Bobby.
48:13And now I feel good. I'm Bobby that
48:15feels good. Hmm, and now I'm Bobby that
48:16feels sad. And now I'm Bobby that is
48:19looking for something. And now I'm Bobby
48:20that is actually content. So, I
48:22understood that
48:23we tend to tell ourselves story after
48:26story after story and we live in our
48:28heads. And that is due to not feeling
48:31peace in our hearts.
48:33Because once you feel peace in your
48:35heart,
48:36you get away from your head and into
48:37your heart
48:39and then you can actually live.
48:42This might sound a little bit new agey,
48:44but I realized this
48:46not only through the psychedelics. This
48:48was like the opening, but then through
48:49Islam it came to a fulfillment. I
48:51understood that
48:53Islam is so straightforward.
48:55You have
48:56your pillars, you know what to follow.
48:59If you do that and you don't think about
49:02it anymore, you make it automatic.
49:05Almost like when you learn to drive a
49:06car, yeah?
49:08First, it is super complicated. You need
49:10to understand where the turn signal is,
49:12shifting. I know in America it's mostly
49:14automatic, but in Europe we have to
49:15shift, you have the clutch, all of that.
49:17You're learning it.
49:18It's quite tough to navigate.
49:20But then after a few months,
49:22you're actually texting, right? You're
49:23just driving and texting and you forgot
49:25that you're shifting, you're doing all
49:26of this. It's automatic. So, in Islam we
49:29have this beautiful practice that is
49:31inter- integral to our religion.
49:33We can simply follow that and get into
49:36this automatic way of life. It is
49:39already perfect. All we have to do is
49:40follow it and then we can get into the
49:42state of being ultimately
49:44where we can really get into our heart
49:46and away from our
49:48I would even say evil minds in a way.
49:50Not saying that there is no reason for
49:52rationalism or intellect,
49:54but we overthink life way too much.
49:58Once you have the blueprint, now you can
50:00really rely on it.
50:02And you can just be in the moment.
50:04It's the most beautiful thing.
50:07So, yeah, to answer your question,
50:09Islam was this fulfillment and this
50:11understanding
50:13that the ego will latch onto any type of
50:16story. Depends what you feed it. And if
50:18we see Islam like a software for this
50:20hardware ultimately,
50:22now the ego can latch onto that as well,
50:25but
50:27the best practice would be to supersede
50:29the ego
50:30through that software. If that makes
50:32sense.
50:34Yeah?
50:36Because I mean, look,
50:38you can put on
50:39the robe, the thobe.
50:41Yeah, you can look like a Muslim. And we
50:43have many people like that. You can
50:44appear like a Muslim,
50:46but the question is if you really
50:47superseded your ego and if you became a
50:49Muslim truly, if you became a submitter.
50:52Yeah?
50:54And I say that if you follow the steps
50:55of Islam, you can truly become that.
50:58If you listen to the teachings and you
51:00abstain from the ego. As a matter of
51:02fact, that's the whole game, Kenyan.
51:03The whole game is And this is why I
51:05always laugh when people say,
51:08"Look at Islam. Just made by Muhammad
51:11to follow his own desires."
51:14I think to myself, "Yeah, you idiot.
51:16Sure."
51:18Yeah, if he followed his own desires,
51:19why is it so hard to obtain them? Why is
51:21it so hard to practice them, right? If I
51:23would follow my desires, I wouldn't fast
51:27for Ramadan.
51:28I would just eat all day long, right?
51:29Why would I do that?
51:31If I would follow my own desires, then I
51:34certainly wouldn't pray five times per
51:35day. I would just lay on the couch or do
51:37whatever I wanted. Yeah?
51:39If I would follow my own desires, why
51:41wait for marriage then?
51:43Et cetera, et cetera, you name it. So,
51:45the point of the story is that yes, once
51:47you adopt Islam, you have a blueprint,
51:49but that blueprint goes against your
51:51ego. It goes against your desires.
51:55That's literally what it does. In the
51:56Quran, it says as well, "Have you seen
51:58him who's following his own who's made
52:00his own desires his god?"
52:02Yeah?
52:03And that's the exact opposite. So,
52:04either
52:06you worship your desires, desires are
52:08your god, or you go against your
52:10desires, but your desires
52:13are the ego. That's what it is. That's
52:15where it comes from.
52:16When you see a very ego-centric or
52:19person, what does it mean? The guy
52:20follows his own desires.
52:22He does what he wants. He cheats, he
52:24drinks, he smokes, whatever.
52:26That's a man that follows his desires.
52:27He's fully in the ego.
52:30Islam, on the other hand, brings you
52:31exactly out of it if you follow
52:33properly. Right? So, it's a constant
52:35battle against your nafs. Constant
52:37battle against the ego.
52:40Yeah?
52:41And that's why Yeah, that's why they say
52:44in this when the what the Quran says as
52:46well that
52:48if you don't
52:51follow Islam, I'm paraphrasing, you will
52:54surely have a miserable life. You will
52:55surely have a depressed life. Yes, you
52:58will.
52:59Certainly, you will. And now, looking at
53:01people, no matter who they are, no
53:03matter what they have, no matter what
53:05they do, no matter how they appear, I
53:08know that they are miserable inside.
53:10I know that they're miserable if they're
53:12not submitted to God. I know it.
53:15They might appear super happy and maybe
53:17they have strong egos.
53:19They can even convince people that they
53:21are feeling fantastic.
53:22But then, you understand that they're
53:23not.
53:24One famous example, for example, here
53:26would be Andrew Tate.
53:28Andrew Tate,
53:30people will say that he accepted Islam.
53:32Hey,
53:34hopefully that's so, but
53:36I see that he's not fully submitted
53:39because
53:41there was his arc when he was talking
53:42about becoming rich, having all of those
53:44girls, what color is your Bugatti, etc.,
53:46etc. And he appeared like the happiest
53:49man on Earth essentially.
53:51People thought that this is what I have
53:53to attain.
53:54This is the highest good, the highest
53:56value. To make all of this money, to
53:58have all of those girls, this is the
53:59perfect life. And this is how it
54:00appeared.
54:01But now it comes all cracking down,
54:04especially after he turned his back
54:06openly on Islam. He doesn't say that he
54:08is not a Muslim, but he's spoken all
54:10against Islam.
54:12For example, he complained about
54:14Muhammad
54:15being the most popular name in the UK.
54:19Why do you complain about that?
54:21If I became a Christian, for example,
54:23and then I see that
54:25Jesus is the most popular name, I would
54:27be happy, no?
54:29But he's not happy about that. He became
54:31somewhat of a right-winger, siding with
54:32the Christians, with the enemies of
54:34Islam, Tommy Robinson, etc., etc. And
54:36now you see that he makes videos
54:39telling his audience that he is
54:40absolutely depressed.
54:43And he's in a constant state of stress.
54:45I don't know if you saw his last video.
54:46And how much he
54:48is constantly just panicking and
54:50stressing and
54:51uh he's
54:52almost having a heart attack.
54:55Looks like something that nobody wants
54:56to attain. So he has no peace in his
54:58heart at all whatsoever.
55:01So in the truest sense of the word
55:03Islam, submitting yourself to God,
55:05meaning you submit your ego to God. You
55:08lay off your ego, you submit to God.
55:10With that, you attain internal peace.
55:13Absolutely.
55:15>> That's a very profound insight, Omar.
55:17Very profound.
55:19I have uh I have a closing question, I
55:22John Spota.
55:24That microphone in front of you.
55:27Say you could speak into it.
55:29And every single person in the world
55:33would hear what you say.
55:35What would you say?
55:38>> Very, very simple. Just read the Quran.
55:41That's it.
55:42That's it.
55:44Very, very simple. Just read yourself
55:45because
55:47for me
55:48and I see that with many people nowadays
55:51we take so much for granted and we tend
55:54to believe certain people that appear in
55:57an authoritative
55:59position. You see somebody like David
56:01Wood, Dr. David Wood.
56:02>> [laughter]
56:03>> And I have researched Islam for 20 years
56:05and whatnot and yeah, here's this Hadith
56:07and here's this
56:08and you look at it especially as a
56:10younger person and you might think,
56:11"Okay, this must be true then."
56:14Every time I have certain discussions
56:17and debates online, I see that people
56:19never read the Quran.
56:21Never did it.
56:23But they're going to talk from a
56:24position where they believe they know.
56:26So this is not only ignorance
56:30but it's the most dangerous thing. It's
56:31when you pair arrogance with ignorance.
56:35Because we're all ignorant. I'm for
56:36example ignorant on how to
56:39roller skate.
56:41I'm pretty ignorant on it. I did it
56:43maybe one time when I was a kid, so I'm
56:45pretty ignorant on that.
56:47But I'm not arrogant about it. I know
56:49that I suck in it. Yeah?
56:51I suck at tennis as well. I'm ignorant
56:53about the sport of tennis.
56:55But I'm not arrogant about it. I know
56:58that I suck in it.
56:59But when it comes down to Islam
57:01everybody is a professor, a student of
57:04knowledge, a a sheikh online. They all
57:06know it. Yes, have you seen Sahih
57:08Bukhari?
57:10I was like, "Okay, man. Cool. Cool
57:12story, bro. Have you seen it actually?
57:13Have you actually read it?" No?
57:16So yeah, ignorance paired with arrogance
57:19is the most dangerous combination. It's
57:21like
57:22explosive, you know? So everybody that
57:24is ignorant simply understand that you
57:26are ignorant. There's nothing wrong with
57:28it. We go through life and And die on
57:31many subjects being ignorant. You cannot
57:33learn everything, but if you have a very
57:35strong opinion about something,
57:38you shouldn't be arrogant when you are
57:40ignorant.
57:41So, educate yourself first, truly look
57:44into it,
57:45and then if you decide to hate it
57:47afterwards,
57:48all power to you. Go ahead and hate it.
57:51So be it. But first read the book and
57:53then we can talk.
57:56>> Bobby,
57:57thank you for sharing your story. Thank
57:58you for sharing your insights.
58:00>> No worries, man. Jazakallah.

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