If You Want People To Respect You, Speak Like This — Transcript

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1. 0:00Respect does not come from body language
2. 0:02hacks. It comes from a skill that most
3. 0:04people don't talk about. So the core
4. 0:07core concept of persuasion is a subject
5. 0:09that
6. 0:10is missing from our ecosystem. We
7. 0:12misunderstand persuasion because we
8. 0:14don't define it clearly. Often people
9. 0:17assume persuasion is lying and
10. 0:18manipulation. So let's define
11. 0:20persuasion. Persuasion is increasing the
12. 0:22probability that somebody says yes to
13. 0:25your request. To get people to say yes
14. 0:27to you, you have to nail down their
15. 0:29needs. We are all focused on ourselves,
16. 0:31which is why we tend to speak from our
17. 0:33point of view. The clip you're about to
18. 0:35watch is from a job interview. Notice
19. 0:37how much of her focus is on herself.
20. 0:39>> My name is Annie Sachs. I recently
21. 0:42graduated from Northwestern University.
22. 0:44>> What are you doing here?
23. 0:47>> [clears throat]
24. 0:47>> Well,
25. 0:49I think I could do a good job as your
26. 0:51assistant.
27. 0:52>> So what should you do instead if you
28. 0:53want to persuade people? Sometimes you
29. 0:55can just ask people what they want like
30. 0:57this. I want to know what you want. But
31. 1:00perhaps the best way to do this is to
32. 1:01use second person speaking. Means using
33. 1:04the word you. Because when you use the
34. 1:06word you or you use the other person's
35. 1:08name, you grab their attention and they
36. 1:11will be more interested in listening to
37. 1:13you. And that attention is the
38. 1:14prerequisite for persuasion. Here Kunal
39. 1:17is talking about the downsides of social
40. 1:19media fame. Notice that he doesn't keep
41. 1:21it abstract, but he makes his point
42. 1:22specific and relevant to Raj by talking
43. 1:25about his situation. Raj, you will
44. 1:27remember when you had 50,000 followers
45. 1:30and you would get 40 likes, your
46. 1:32reaction would be the same as today at
47. 1:35millions of followers, right? The The
48. 1:37threshold has changed.
49. 1:38>> Watch that again here as he's talking
50. 1:40about our inherent need to differentiate
51. 1:42from others. Specifically, watch that
52. 1:45again when he gives an example, he's
53. 1:47focused on Raj.
54. 1:48>> For example, you are going and getting
55. 1:50Vijay Mallya on the podcast is your
56. 1:52breaking out on differentiation, right?
57. 1:54It's a It's a thing that is needed
58. 1:55because how would people find that okay,
59. 1:58what is the thing difference that you
60. 1:59bring to the table? You can use this
61. 2:01kind of speaking in an interview or a
62. 2:03negotiation. Make sure you use
63. 2:05company-centered language instead of
64. 2:08self-centered language. That will make
65. 2:10you more persuasive and it will increase
66. 2:12the likelihood that you get the job or
67. 2:14pay hike that you want. You lack clarity
68. 2:16when you are using this language, I've
69. 2:18made a free bonus video that solves that
70. 2:19exact problem and it also includes a
71. 2:22bunch of free cheat sheets for you. I've
72. 2:23linked it in the description. Persuasion
73. 2:25will become nearly effortless for you if
74. 2:28people like you. It's obvious. We listen
75. 2:30to people we like. Two ways you can
76. 2:32become more likable. The first one is
77. 2:34calling out your common ground. Sharing
78. 2:37similarities is the fastest way to build
79. 2:39a connection with someone. Notice how
80. 2:41Preity Zinta's eyes light up as she
81. 2:43hears that they share the same
82. 2:44background. You come from an army
83. 2:46family. Yes, so do I. Really?
84. 2:49>> Yes. Oh, great. The best time to bring
85. 2:51up those similarities is during early
86. 2:53small talk before an interview or
87. 2:54negotiation. The second way you can make
88. 2:56yourself more likable is three-step
89. 2:58praise. If you try generic compliments,
90. 3:01people can easily see through that and
91. 3:03you will not come across as genuine.
92. 3:05Instead, remember PES. A great
93. 3:08compliment is about something people are
94. 3:10proud of, put effort in and is specific.
95. 3:13Watch an example of all the three steps
96. 3:15in action here. When I saw Deepika doing
97. 3:18the same step,
98. 3:20I was like, this is looking so
99. 3:22effortless, man. Hrithik was talking
100. 3:23about her dance which is something she's
101. 3:25presumably proud of and puts effort in.
102. 3:28And he made it specific by talking about
103. 3:30a step. That's why it comes across as
104. 3:32genuine and likable. Even if people like
105. 3:34you, you will not be able to
106. 3:35successfully persuade them if you don't
107. 3:37build trust with them. For clarity,
108. 3:40trust means the transfer of belief which
109. 3:42is that people believe what you say.
110. 3:44There are many ways to build trust, but
111. 3:46one way is convincing by contrast. We
112. 3:49see this most commonly when people use
113. 3:52the word but. If you lead with perceived
114. 3:54shortcomings, people will automatically
115. 3:56believe what you have to say after that
116. 3:58because you are essentially arguing
117. 4:00against your own interest. Watch Javed
118. 4:02Akhtar do that here. We may not have the
119. 4:04best
120. 4:05actors of the world or best cameraman of
121. 4:08the world,
122. 4:09but and best music directors of the
123. 4:11world, but we definitely can claim that
124. 4:14we have had
125. 4:16best lyricists of the world.
126. 4:17>> He didn't just say that we have the best
127. 4:19lyricists of the world. That would be
128. 4:21boring and not very persuasive. He built
129. 4:23up to it by talking about what we don't
130. 4:25have and then contrasted it with what we
131. 4:27do have. So, if there's an obvious
132. 4:29shortcoming in your resume and you get
133. 4:30asked about it, address it and then use
134. 4:32the word but to talk about a strength
135. 4:34you have after that because people will
136. 4:36then trust you more. Persuasion tactics
137. 4:38can be incredibly powerful, which is why
138. 4:40it's worth knowing how to defend
139. 4:42yourself against them. This brings us to
140. 4:44the most important part of today's
141. 4:45video, weaponizing scarcity. Watch Kunal
142. 4:48Shah here talk about how he created
143. 4:50exclusivity when he used to sell mehndi.
144. 4:52Okay, my mehndi is going to be so
145. 4:54different because I've got it black,
146. 4:55right? So, I think it's a the human need
147. 4:57to differentiate is something that I
148. 4:59understood from that and it actually
149. 5:01worked well and I would purposely price
150. 5:03it multiple X more
151. 5:05than the regular mehndi so that people
152. 5:06feel that, "Okay, not only is it
153. 5:08differentiated, it's expensive, so it
154. 5:09must be great." That last point is
155. 5:11important. We all implicitly value what
156. 5:13is scarce because we regret missing out.
157. 5:16This is why you see limited time only
158. 5:18offers or sometimes salesmen will even
159. 5:20lie to you about how scarce something
160. 5:22actually is to get you to buy. The way
161. 5:24people manipulate scarcity is through
162. 5:26urgency. Urgency means getting you to
163. 5:28act immediately. It's a function of
164. 5:30time. We see this all the time with
165. 5:32limited time only discounts or with
166. 5:34artificially reduced supply. Companies
167. 5:36even use exploding job offers, which is
168. 5:38where they want you to say yes in 24 to
169. 5:4048 hours before you have time to think
170. 5:42about the offer. Another type of
171. 5:43scarcity is seen in dating where
172. 5:45somebody does not text you back or does
173. 5:47not reach back out to you. That,
174. 5:48unfortunately, can sometimes make you
175. 5:50more attracted to them because they're
176. 5:51seen as scarce. The way to protect
177. 5:53yourself from scarcity is to avoid
178. 5:55projecting perfection. We've all thought
179. 5:57about a job or an offer of some kind and
180. 5:59immediately started imagining how great
181. 6:01it would be to get it. Each time you
182. 6:03think that way, you are destroying your
183. 6:05leverage because you're subconsciously
184. 6:07raising the stakes of a specific
185. 6:09interview or a deal in your mind. And it
186. 6:11is impossible to be confident in an
187. 6:12interview when you're worried about the
188. 6:14outcome. Harsha Bhogle found this out
189. 6:16when he was at IIM Ahmedabad. And the
190. 6:18only job I ever wanted was a particular
191. 6:20job in advertising.
192. 6:23And I wanted it so badly, man. The same
193. 6:25prof who taught us also worked in
194. 6:26advertising. I chewed his brains every
195. 6:28day.
196. 6:30And then I went for the interview. It
197. 6:32was the single worst interview anyone
198. 6:35can ever do. The obvious solution to
199. 6:37this is to have options. But there is
200. 6:39one thing I found helpful even when I
201. 6:41did not have options. I call it the
202. 6:4210-10-10 rule. Write down the
203. 6:44consequences of a deal or interview not
204. 6:46going through and how it would feel in
205. 6:4810 minutes, 10 months, and 10 years. You
206. 6:50will likely find that it hurts in 10
207. 6:52months. Probably hurts a bit in 10
208. 6:54months. But in 10 years, you will
209. 6:55completely forget about it. And if it
210. 6:57will not matter in 10 years, why let it
211. 6:59bother you now? If you found this video
212. 7:01useful, make sure you subscribe and I'll
213. 7:03see you in the next video.