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If you talk to yourself like this, you'll have everything you want — Transcript

by David Bayer · 2,582 words · 396 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00There's a technique in personal
0:01development as old as the hills and so
0:04simple that most people dismiss it. And
0:06I'm talking about affirmations. Now, I
0:08know you're probably thinking, "But
0:09Dave, I've heard about affirmations.
0:11I've done affirmations. My life still
0:13has not changed." And I get it. That's
0:15how I felt for a long, long time. Until
0:17I realized I'd misunderstood what an
0:19affirmation actually was. And that
0:21misunderstanding meant I could spend 15
0:24minutes in the morning [music] affirming
0:25the life that I wanted and the rest of
0:27the day unconsciously affirming the life
0:29that I didn't. So, today we're going to
0:31unpack the neuroscience and the
0:32metaphysics of the power of speech.
0:35We're going to draw on the wisdom of
0:36Louise Hay who helped bring affirmations
0:38into the mainstream. And I'm going to
0:39share a powerful six-word affirmation
0:41that I use almost every single day,
0:44which has become one of the most
0:45powerful tools for calming my nervous
0:47system. [music] So, let's get into it.
0:52All right, guys. You can't talk about
0:54affirmations without mentioning Louise
0:56Hay. Her book Heal Your Life has sold
0:59over 50 million copies. Holy cow, think
1:02about that. This woman overcame a lot.
1:05Childhood abuse, cancer. She introduced
1:08millions of people to the idea that
1:10changing the way that you speak to
1:11yourself can change the way that you
1:13live. And what I love about her story is
1:14that this wasn't somebody whose life had
1:16been easy telling everybody else to
1:18think positively. Here was a woman who
1:20had experienced tremendous difficulty,
1:22yet she turned it around to teach people
1:24that they could develop a more loving
1:26relationship with themselves. Now, when
1:28I found her work, I was kind of sort of
1:31open to it. I wanted to believe that
1:33there was something to affirmations, but
1:35they also felt a little woo-woo. I mean,
1:39when you don't have any money in your
1:41bank account, how do you say money flows
1:43easily to me? Like, when you've got pain
1:45in your body, how can it be helpful to
1:47say, "I'm healthy, I'm vibrant, and I'm
1:48feeling alive"? Or if you've got no
1:50success to point to around you, how do
1:52you say, "I'm successful in all ways on
1:56all days"? Like, even the rhyming of
1:58affirmations irritated me. It's a sign
2:02for where I was years ago. I mean, I
2:04started actually getting angry at
2:06affirmations. So, the reason why it was
2:09frustrating was it felt like I was
2:10faking it. And maybe you've experienced
2:12that, too. Like, you try to say
2:14something positive, but it just makes
2:16you more aware of the distance between
2:18what you're saying and what you're
2:20actually experiencing in your reality.
2:22And now you're frustrated with the
2:24affirmations and you're frustrated with
2:26yourself. It's like, man, I even suck at
2:28this affirmation thing. But,
2:30here's the distinction I want to share,
2:32and it changed how I understood the
2:33whole practice. I thought affirmations
2:36were something that I was trying to
2:37start practicing, but I hadn't realized
2:40how much affirming I was already doing.
2:43Because we are affirming all day long.
2:47To affirm something, by definition, is
2:50to declare something to be true. So, an
2:52affirmation doesn't have to be positive.
2:55Right? Nothing ever works out for me is
2:57an affirmation. My body hurts is an
2:59affirmation. I'm tired is an
3:01affirmation. People always let you down
3:03is an affirmation.
3:05Now, you might call those observations.
3:08Maybe that's true. But, if you keep
3:10observing, "I'm broke. I'm broke. I'm
3:14broke." Do you think that person will
3:16ever get out of financial insecurity?
3:18You're taking a moment in time and
3:20turning it into a declaration about your
3:22life. And you don't even have to speak
3:24affirmations out loud. You can repeat
3:26them internally. You can rehearse the
3:28same conversation while you're driving
3:30or while you're in the shower or while
3:31you're lying in bed. So, affirmations
3:34are the things that we repeatedly
3:35declare to be true
3:38in our speech and in our inner dialogue.
3:41And when you keep rehearsing that
3:42future, it can start to feel like the
3:44only future that's available to you.
3:46Now, the brain is a goal-achieving
3:48machine. So, what you affirm influences
3:51how you feel,
3:52and how you feel influences what you do
3:54and what you do obviously influences the
3:57results that you produce and then your
3:59results reaffirm the affirmation in the
4:03first place. So,
4:04what most people are doing on the
4:06regular is affirming their limiting
4:08beliefs. They're affirming their lack.
4:11They're affirming their scarcity. And
4:13that's why the power of speech is so
4:15important because sometimes it's hard to
4:17catch what you're thinking, right? We
4:19have over a 6,000 thoughts a day. You're
4:22thinking while you're doing, but we can
4:24catch what we speak. You know, I was in
4:26a period of time recently where I
4:29noticed the words I was speaking were
4:30about things that I didn't like. I guess
4:33you would call it complaining.
4:35And in some ways complaining is a way to
4:37socialize the negative emotion and the
4:40negative thoughts inside of us to either
4:42get somebody else to buy into it and
4:44start to enroll them into it or to get
4:46somebody to say, "Hey, it's okay. I know
4:48you feel that way. Like, let's solve
4:49this problem." But,
4:51that's not what it's actually doing.
4:53What it's doing is perpetuating
4:55those things that you're speaking
4:58negatively about. So, we can catch our
5:01speech
5:03and we can change our speech much easier
5:05than we can catch and change our
5:06thoughts. So, your words are a powerful
5:10level to access change and they are the
5:12leading indicator of what you are
5:14creating in your reality. And this is
5:17why in scripture it says death and life
5:18are in the power of the tongue.
5:20So, there's no complicated framework
5:22here, which is the nice thing about
5:24affirmations. It's just becoming aware
5:26when you speak something that doesn't
5:28feel good. You know, we teach that there
5:30are two states of being, primal states
5:32and powerful states. A primal state is a
5:34state of being that doesn't feel good.
5:36Stress, anxiety, overwhelm, anger,
5:38boredom. A powerful state is a state of
5:41being that feels good. And one way to
5:43look at personal growth is to train your
5:45nervous system to operate as
5:47consistently as possible from a powerful
5:49state because it's from a powerful state
5:51that you'll create what you want to
5:53create in your life. So, we want to
5:55notice when we're speaking words that
5:57don't feel good. Words that are not
6:00coherent or aligned with being in a
6:02powerful state. Right, coherent is a
6:04really good word. It's like we're
6:06sitting there just complaining and
6:07babbling to ourselves. That's what an
6:09incoherent person does, like a crazy
6:11person. That's what we do with these
6:13negative affirmations.
6:15So, we notice and we don't need to do
6:18anything sophisticated with what we
6:19notice. We can actually just stop
6:21speaking those words. You're choking off
6:24the oxygen to these negative belief
6:26systems. You're no longer continuing to
6:29speak them or entertain them and over
6:31time you begin, by default of removing
6:35the negative talk, speaking more of the
6:38things that are positive, thinking
6:40speaking more of the things that feel
6:41good. That becomes the retraining
6:43process.
6:45Changing what you affirm begins to prune
6:47the neurons that represent the old habit
6:49of thought and the old belief systems
6:51and it begins to nurture new aspects of
6:53your brain and your nervous system that
6:55represent empowered thoughts and
6:56perspectives. This is how you build a
6:59nervous system conducive to creating the
7:01reality that you want. This is how you
7:02shift from your old identity and those
7:05old limiting beliefs and programs and
7:06traumas to a new one. So, without effort
7:10you find yourself
7:12just starting to acknowledge other
7:13people.
7:15To acknowledge yourself, to acknowledge
7:16life.
7:18Wow, what a beautiful day.
7:20Oh, it feels good to be alive. How
7:22wonderful this thing that happened.
7:23Thank you. I'm grateful. That's what
7:26happens simply by eliminating the
7:28negative talk. As I started getting into
7:31affirmation work
7:33not only was I beginning to become more
7:35present and aware to what I was actually
7:37speaking,
7:38but it at one point I actually carved
7:40out time to go for an affirmation walk
7:43most days outdoors. I'd like to do it
7:46barefoot in the grass around the
7:47neighborhood, walk in nature, get some
7:49sunshine, and I would do a 15-minute
7:51affirmation walk. I'd just take a break
7:52from working in my day, and I'd go
7:53outside, I'd do the walk, and I wrote
7:55about 20 affirmations on a little
7:57notepad on my phone that were the
7:59opposite of the limiting beliefs and the
8:01complaining that I had been practicing,
8:03and I walked around the neighborhood
8:05reading my affirmations. And at first,
8:07it did feel a little bit like I was
8:09faking it. But once I got into the
8:12practice, it started to settle in, and
8:14it started to feel real. I just needed
8:16to work through that initial resistance.
8:18And it makes sense. I mean, if you
8:20aren't sick, but you walk around saying,
8:22"I'm sick all day long," eventually,
8:24you're probably not going to feel very
8:25well. But then the opposite must be
8:27true. If you're willing to ignore your
8:29current situation or how you feel today,
8:31and instead start denying that reality
8:33and declaring that you feel good,
8:36over time, that should also become your
8:38reality. I mean, why why would it work
8:39in one direction, but not both? So, I do
8:41these affirmation walks, and eventually,
8:45I didn't even need to look at my phone
8:46anymore. I just kind of started saying
8:48them off of
8:50my subconscious programming. They just
8:52became second nature, and then it became
8:54sort of like this chanting. Like I would
8:56go around the neighborhood chanting.
8:58People probably thought I looked like I
9:00I was a crazy man talking to myself, but
9:02the reality is that we're all crazy
9:03people talking to ourselves all day
9:05long. So, what's the big deal? And one
9:08of the most powerful incantations for
9:10me, which I borrowed from Louise Hay,
9:14was "All is well, and I am safe."
9:18"All is well, and I am safe." Because I
9:20realized so much of my day I was
9:23spending in this feeling of unsafety. I
9:26felt unsafe in my business, unsafe in my
9:27body, unsafe in my relationship, unsafe
9:31in life, unsafe with my bank account.
9:33And a lot of the complaining and the
9:34negative speech was a sideways way of
9:37expressing like, "Hey, I'm afraid over
9:39here."
9:40So, I really started to anchor this idea
9:42that every single moment is perfect
9:45because this moment is God's will for
9:47me.
9:48And God is good, so whatever shows up,
9:50even in the challenge, it must be
9:52perfect. All is well and I am safe.
9:56And that was really started to down
9:58regulate my nervous system along with
10:00some other practices like working
10:01directly on my limiting beliefs,
10:03listening to positive things throughout
10:05the day, surrounding myself with
10:06positive people, getting into nervous
10:08system stabilization work like breath
10:10work or even just getting in a hard
10:11workout every single day,
10:13my nervous system started to down
10:16regulate. And as my nervous system
10:18stabilized, that feeling of safety
10:21became a reality for me. The other thing
10:23to consider here around affirmations is
10:26how your own voice penetrates the
10:28subconscious mind.
10:30So, a lot of what we're talking about
10:31here is transforming your beliefs,
10:33working with the belief systems and the
10:34habits of thought that have penetrated
10:36into the subconscious mind. We call them
10:37programs, right? And transforming those
10:40subconscious programs so that your new
10:42beliefs and your new thoughts and your
10:45new way of being become automatic. And
10:47one of the most powerful ways to do that
10:50is to hear your own voice.
10:52Because if someone else says something
10:54to you, you may or may not agree with
10:55it. Like what someone else says has to
10:58go through the filters of your conscious
10:59mind. Do I agree with this? Do I
11:01disagree with this? But when you say
11:03something,
11:04you believe it 100% of the time. That's
11:06why I also suggest recording your
11:09affirmations and listening to them.
11:11That's one of the practices that we give
11:13people in our mind hat courses. We help
11:15them identify their limiting beliefs and
11:17make new powerful decisions is to record
11:19yourself affirming your new beliefs and
11:21your new reality and to listen to that
11:24while you're at the gym, on the way to
11:25work, or in the morning, cuz what you
11:27say to yourself is really powerful. And
11:29we can take the strategies that we've
11:32been unconsciously implementing that are
11:34reinforcing our limiting beliefs and we
11:36can consciously utilize them to create
11:38and install new powerful belief systems.
11:42So, here's my really simple invitation,
11:44okay? Doesn't require any extra time.
11:47It is a 7-day challenge to be more aware
11:50of what you're affirming, of the words
11:52that you're speaking.
11:54And when you catch yourself speaking
11:56something negative, no big deal. Don't
11:58beat yourself up or go "Geez, there I go
12:00again." Right? It's a habit and that's
12:02totally normal. But notice
12:05and then stop. If you catch yourself
12:07mid-sentence, stop mid-sentence.
12:10Just become aware of what you're
12:11speaking and get off that thought train.
12:15You can still continue to think the
12:16thought if you want to, that's hard to
12:18stop, right? But stop speaking it. Choke
12:21off the weeds and see how that builds a
12:24new habit, not only in terms of what you
12:26speak, but what you think 7 days from
12:29now. Because the truth is we're
12:31affirming all day long and now you have
12:34the opportunity to become intentional
12:36around those affirmations. And if you
12:38want a little bit of help coming up with
12:40some affirmations specific to your
12:42limiting beliefs, if you have not yet,
12:44check out the link in the description of
12:46this episode. It's access to my free
12:49David AI Empowered Beliefs Assessment.
12:53And so, it's in the description. It only
12:55takes you about 3 to 5 minutes. It's
12:56going to help you identify your three
12:57biggest limiting beliefs and help you
12:59come up with three new empowered
13:01decisions which can become your new
13:04affirmations practice, whether you're on
13:06a walk, whether you're recording
13:07yourself speak, or whether you're just
13:09putting it on a post-it note next to
13:10your computer when you work throughout
13:12the day. This does not have to be
13:13complicated and I've got an amazing tool
13:16to support you. If you have not checked
13:17it out yet, it's absolutely free.
13:19By the way, if you have not subscribed
13:22yet, just hit that little subscribe
13:25button and the bell icon. You'll get a
13:27notification. I come out with two
13:28episodes a week. Plus, it's a way that
13:30we get this work out to more and more
13:31people and we continue to grow this
13:32community. And if you know somebody who
13:35you think needs to hear this episode,
13:38pay it forward, send them a link to the
13:39episode, bring them into the
13:40conversation because this is not a
13:42do-it-yourself project, this personal
13:43growth thing. It is a do it with others.
13:45I appreciate you so much today. Thank
13:47you for being here with me, sharing your
13:49soul, your energy, your spirit. I love
13:50you so much and I will see you in the
13:52next episode.

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