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If This Video Found You Before January, Your Life Is About to Change — Transcript

by BeautifulBrwnBabyDol · 3,247 words · 518 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Before you make another list of
0:01everything that you need to change in
0:032027, can we talk about everything you
0:05managed to get through in 2026? And
0:07baby, the year ain't gone yet. Because
0:09some of us are walking around
0:10disappointed in ourselves when we've
0:12been surviving layoffs, like our
0:14household, rising bills, family
0:16responsibilities, relationship drama.
0:18Oh, and an economy that needs to be put
0:20on the psychiatric hold. And you're
0:22still here. Now, I'm not saying that
0:24surviving is the goal forever. I'm
0:26saying to stop overlooking the woman who
0:27got you here while becoming the woman
0:29that you want to be next. Now, if you're
0:31new here, I'm Dr. Nina. I'm a licensed
0:33psychologist. I'm a full professor and
0:36your good girlfriend who believes that
0:37being a grown woman is not about age.
0:39It's about growth, wisdom, and learning
0:41to do better with what you know. So,
0:43come on in. Stretch out on my couch over
0:44here. It's clean. It's on warm. No
0:46appointment necessary. No judgment
0:48required. But if you came in here
0:50disturbing the peace, baby, your session
0:52has been canceled, blocked, and locked.
0:55And since YouTube likes to hide me from
0:57you like I'm in witness protection, like
0:58this video and go ahead and comment. I'm
1:00building my next chapter or I'm giving
1:03myself credit. Because today we're going
1:04to talk about the seven things you can
1:06start doing right now to make 2027
1:09different. No disappearing for 90 days.
1:11I love a good lock-in. And there's no
1:13pretending that you have unlimited money
1:14or energy. Cuz who got that?
1:17Just real changes for real people living
1:19real lives. Now, let's get into it.
1:21>> Dr. Nina [music and singing]
1:24the girl next door
1:27beautiful [music and singing] brown baby
1:29doll
1:31>> One, make an evidence file of everything
1:33that didn't break you. Now, let me ask
1:35you something. When is the last time you
1:36gave yourself credit for something that
1:38didn't come with a certificate or a
1:40promotion or somebody clapping for you?
1:42Because some of us have survived
1:43situations that I wouldn't wish on any
1:45of our worst enemies. Rebuilt your
1:47finances? Raised some kids? Raised some
1:49furry kids? Cared for them aging
1:51parents? Walked away from relationships?
1:54And some of us have started over with
1:55only two nickels to rub together. Not
1:57even that sometimes. And somehow,
1:59because you haven't accomplished your
2:00next goal, you've decided that you
2:02haven't accomplished anything. Ma'am,
2:04who is keeping your score? Stevie
2:05Wonder? No shade, no tea. Listen, when
2:08my husband was laid off for 3 years, at
2:10a time y'all didn't even know, I was
2:11mainly the one carrying the financial
2:13responsibility of our household, while
2:15we were simultaneously still building
2:17our lives. And when he finally returned
2:19to his field, doing even better than
2:21before, I could look back and recognize
2:23something important. Baby, we didn't
2:24just get through those years. And I am
2:26choking up. We definitely learned. Shawn
2:29and I learned what we're capable of. We
2:31also noted what needed to change and how
2:34to keep moving when the timeline wasn't
2:35ours to control. Now, psychologically,
2:38Albert Bandura's research on
2:39self-efficacy it shows that one of the
2:41strongest ways that we develop
2:42confidence is through what we call
2:44mastery experiences. Actual evidence
2:46that we've handled something difficult.
2:48So, before November, I want you to
2:50create an evidence file. Write down
2:51three difficult things that you've
2:53navigated this year and what you did to
2:55respond. And if it's not November, maybe
2:58make it December or January. I also want
3:00you to write down what those experiences
3:02taught you. You know about all of those
3:04capabilities that you've been hiding.
3:06And listen, not every painful experience
3:08comes with a beautiful lesson. Sometimes
3:09life is just unfair. But don't overlook
3:12the skills that you've developed along
3:14the way. You're not starting 2027 from
3:16zero. You're starting with receipts and
3:18we're going to make sure of that. Two,
3:20stop making plans for a woman who
3:22doesn't exist yet. Now that we've
3:23established that you're more capable
3:25than you've been giving yourself credit
3:26for, can we stop making plans for this
3:28imaginary woman that apparently has 36
3:30hours in her day? Where you get them
3:32extra hours from? Because every January,
3:34here she comes. She busting through the
3:36door. She waking up at 4:30, working out
3:396 days a week, cooking every meal from
3:41scratch, reading 52 books. Excuse me.
3:45Saving half her income. Go ahead. And
3:47somehow still getting 8 hours of sleep.
3:49Mm. Who is she? Does she have a staff?
3:52Is Margaret coming to help? Listen, your
3:54goals ain't necessarily the problem.
3:56Your plan might be completely
3:57disconnected from your actual life
3:59though. In psychology, we call part of
4:01this the planning fallacy. We tend to
4:03underestimate how much time and effort
4:05that something will require, especially
4:07when we simply imagine everything going
4:08to plan. But real life,
4:10>> [laughter]
4:11>> it got sickness. Okay, baby, cuz I was
4:13down and out last month. Do you hear me?
4:16You might even have sick kids, aging
4:18parents, unexpected expenses. I told
4:21y'all three trees fell on our house at
4:23one time. Okay. [laughter]
4:25Demanding jobs, and days where your
4:27nervous system has simply had enough.
4:29And that's real. And in this economy.
4:32Okay, I know I keep saying that, but I
4:34am flabbergasted.
4:36We cannot afford to build our futures on
4:38imaginary resources. So, here's what I
4:40want you to do. Pick one goal for 2027
4:43and create two versions of it. Your
4:45ideal version for when life is
4:46cooperating, and your minimum version
4:48for when life starts acting like it's
4:50raised by wolves.
4:51>> [laughter]
4:51>> So, let's say your goal is exercise,
4:53right? Maybe your ideal is four workouts
4:55a week, but your minimum is two shorter
4:57sessions. If your goal is saving money,
4:59maybe your ideal is $200 a month, but
5:02your minimum is $10 when things are
5:04tight. Because research on habit
5:06formation and consistent cues, it
5:08suggests that repeating manageable
5:10behaviors, it can help them to become
5:12more automatic over time. And I would
5:13rather see you make small consistent
5:15progress than to create a beautiful plan
5:17that collapses by January 12th. Okay?
5:20The goal isn't to become a person that
5:21can do all of it, that can do
5:23everything. That's great, Wonder Woman
5:25style. But what we want to do is build a
5:27life where the woman that you already
5:29are has the opportunity to succeed. And
5:32speaking of building a future that
5:33actually fits your life, let me tell you
5:35about something. You do not need to
5:36figure out every major decision by
5:38yourself. Your mama loves you, your
5:39spouse loves you, your partner loves
5:41you, your best friend loves you, too.
5:43But sometimes they have entirely too
5:44many decisions, especially for people
5:46who don't have to live with your
5:48decisions. And that's one of the biggest
5:50reasons I've really enjoyed working with
5:52today's sponsor, strawberry.me. And I've
5:54been working with them for years now.
5:56I've specifically been working with
5:57Christine, my coach. And what I really
5:59respect about her and enjoy about her is
6:01she acknowledges all the hats that I
6:03wear. A full professor, licensed
6:04psychologist, a wife, a mama, a
6:06businesswoman, a caretaker. Baby, she
6:09realizes it's a whole department over
6:11here.
6:12>> [laughter]
6:12>> And she said it multiple times. But she
6:14keeps bringing the conversation back to
6:16me. What do you want to learn, Nina?
6:18What part of your life haven't you
6:20explored yet just for you? See, that one
6:22right there got me. That one got me.
6:25Because I've done so much. And she's
6:27been really encouraging me to do a lot
6:28of things that I'm not necessarily that
6:30great at yet. And as some of y'all know,
6:32I've been researching doing DJing.
6:35Like, for real. Not because I need
6:36another job or business or another
6:38income stream, but because I'm allowed
6:40to explore something simply because it
6:42interests me. And sometimes we forget
6:44that. And that's exactly what I valued
6:46about coaching with Christine. It's not
6:47just about managing the things that I'm
6:49already doing. It's about making room
6:51for who I still want to become.
6:53strawberry.me matches you with vetted
6:55professional career coaches who help you
6:57to clarify your goals, create a
6:58personalized roadmap, and stay
7:00accountable as you move forward. That's
7:02the piece. And no, I've told y'all this
7:04is not therapy. Y'all know I'm a
7:06licensed psychologist and I love me some
7:07good therapy. But career coaching is
7:09different. It's forward-looking, it's
7:11structured, and it's focused on action.
7:14We about that life. So, whether you're
7:15considering a career change, stepping
7:17into leadership, negotiating that
7:19salary, building professional
7:20confidence, or wondering, "What do I
7:22want my next chapter to look like?" You
7:24don't have to figure it out alone. Head
7:26to strawberry.me/beautifulbrownbabydoll
7:29or scan the QR code right here on the
7:31screen and that's to claim 50% off your
7:33first coaching session. Thank you to
7:35strawberry.me for sponsoring today's
7:36video. Three, give your future a job
7:38description, not another vision board.
7:40Now, some of y'all got these beautiful
7:42vision boards with these lovely houses,
7:44luxury vacations, and a woman with a
7:46beige linen outfit staring peacefully
7:48out of a window. Ma'am, what does she do
7:50all day? Look, there's nothing wrong
7:51with wanting nice things. But, before
7:53you start chasing somebody else's
7:55definition of success, ask yourself what
7:57you actually want your life to feel
7:58like. Because a higher salary means
8:00nothing if you spend every Sunday
8:02dreading every Monday and what it
8:04brings. And a beautiful home isn't much
8:06comfort if you never have time to enjoy
8:08it. Psychologically, self-determination
8:11theory, it tells us that autonomy,
8:13competence, and connection are an
8:15important part of our well-being. In
8:16other words, we need a lot more than
8:18impressive accomplishments. We need
8:20ownership over our lives. So, before
8:222027, write your future a three-part job
8:25description. What must my life provide?
8:27Maybe it's financial stability,
8:29flexibility, or more time with your
8:31family, or your kids, or your friends.
8:33Two, what do I need to become better at?
8:35Negotiating, managing money, developing
8:37a skill, or advocating for myself. This
8:40year for me, boundaries. That That's the
8:42book is coming. The book is coming. What
8:45am I no longer willing to sacrifice just
8:47to look successful? Because sometimes
8:49the upgrade isn't a bigger house or a
8:50fancier title. It's just having enough
8:52control over your life that you don't
8:54need a vacation just to tolerate it.
8:56Four, stop letting an expensive economy
8:59dictate what a good life looks like. Can
9:01we talk about how everything costs money
9:04now? Everything and its mama. You going
9:05to leave your house for two pairs of
9:07paper towels, right? That's what you
9:08think. And somehow you spend $97. I
9:12How? Did I purchase stock in this store,
9:13Carol?
9:14>> [laughter]
9:15>> Cuz
9:16it ain't the money ain't moneying. And
9:18meanwhile, social media and even TV
9:20shows and other things have convinced us
9:23that a good life means luxury vacations,
9:26a fully renovated and newly renovated
9:28kitchen, 12 skin care products, and a
9:30refrigerator organized like a
9:31pharmaceutical laboratory. Mhm. Baby,
9:34some of us just want them bills paid,
9:36good food in the house, and enough money
9:38left over to enjoy a Saturday without
9:40having to check our bank account six
9:41times. And there's actually psychology
9:43behind why financial pressure makes
9:45everything feel harder. Everything.
9:48Research on scarcity and cognitive
9:50bandwidth it suggests that when we're
9:51constantly worried about limited
9:53resources, those concerns can consume
9:55mental attention that we actually need
9:57to make other decisions. So instead of
9:59chasing somebody else's lifestyle, I
10:01want you to establish what I call your
10:02comfort floor. First off, I want you to
10:04decide what financial stability means
10:07and actually requires for your
10:08household. Not Instagram's household,
10:10yours. Second, protect one affordable
10:12thing that makes your ordinary life
10:14enjoyable because responsible living it
10:17shouldn't require eliminating every
10:18ounce of pleasure. And third, choose one
10:21financial move that increases your
10:23options. Maybe that's building a small
10:25emergency buffer. Maybe it's negotiating
10:27a bill, addressing high interest debt,
10:29or developing a skill that increases
10:31your earning potential. And listen, if
10:32you're barely making ends meet, I'm not
10:34about to tell you to magically save
10:36$500. Sometimes the first move is
10:38getting assistance, reducing one
10:40expense, or simply preventing another
10:42financial emergency. Because looking
10:44wealthy and living comfortably are not
10:45the same. And in 2027, I want more of us
10:48building lives that actually feel good
10:50instead of spending money trying to
10:51convince everybody else that it looks
10:53good. Five, build a life that doesn't
10:55collapse when you clock out. Let me ask
10:57you this, if you were unavailable for 48
10:59hours, would your household function? Or
11:01would somebody in there need to call
11:02FEMA? Because some of us out here are
11:04the family calendar, the emergency
11:06contact, the bill reminder, the medical
11:08records department, and the person who
11:10knows where the extra toilet paper is.
11:12Y'all need to get some bidets anyway,
11:13I'm just saying. Ma'am, you are not a
11:15woman, you're entire municipal
11:17government. And here's what a lot of
11:18people don't discuss. Sometimes we
11:20become so good at managing everything
11:23that nobody else has learned to function
11:24without us. Psychologically, y'all have
11:26heard it, we call some of this the
11:28mental load. It's not just doing the
11:30work, it's remembering, anticipating,
11:32organizing, and making sure that the
11:33work gets done. And that consistent
11:35responsibility right there, it can
11:37contribute to stress and exhaustion even
11:39when you're sitting perfectly still. So
11:41look, before 2027, I want you to conduct
11:44what I call a 48-hour life audit. Now,
11:46what's that? Y'all know I be coming up
11:48with these audits. If you were sick,
11:49traveling, or if you simply needed to
11:51rest, what would fall apart? Start with
11:53three things: important household
11:55information, work current
11:56responsibilities, and emergency plans.
11:58Put essential contacts, appointments,
12:00insurance information, and household
12:02instructions somewhere secure and
12:04accessible to the appropriate people.
12:06Our family even keeps electronic and
12:08non-electronic files. And identify what
12:10could be shared, simplified, or backed
12:12up. And look, if you live alone and
12:14you're single, this still applies
12:16because I feel like the single folk get
12:18left out. And I've heard some of y'all
12:19say that, too, and that's why I try to
12:20make sure that my videos focus on not
12:23just me and this family life. I've been
12:26single and I was single most of my life.
12:27So what you need is who can access
12:30important information in an emergency.
12:32And what systems could help, especially
12:34if you couldn't handle everything
12:35yourself. Because preparation isn't
12:37pessimism, it's protection. And baby,
12:39rest it shouldn't require the entire
12:41household to declare a state of
12:42emergency. It just shouldn't. Six, stop
12:45confusing being needed with being
12:47properly supported. Ooh, I'm about to
12:49step on some toes, okay? Now, this is
12:52where somebody might need to turn the
12:53volume down before your boo walk in the
12:55room, okay? Just because everybody
12:57depends on you does not mean that
12:58everybody supporting you. And that
13:00applies whether you're married, single,
13:02raising children, caring for them aging
13:04parents, or somehow the designated
13:06crisis manager for every person in your
13:07family, immediate and non-immediate.
13:10Some of us aren't just doing the work,
13:11we're assigning the work, reminding
13:13people to do the work if they do,
13:15checking on whether the work gets done,
13:17and then fixing it. Fix it, Jesus. Baby,
13:19you ain't delegating. You're supervising
13:21an unpaid internship. And here's the
13:23psychological piece for y'all. Research
13:25on role overload and also caregiver
13:27burden. It shows that carrying too many
13:29competing responsibilities, it can
13:31contribute to chronic stress. But, I
13:32want to add some nuance for you. Not
13:34every unequal season is an unfair
13:36relationship. Sometimes a partner is
13:38unemployed, somebody gets ill, or family
13:40circumstances require for one person to
13:42carry more for a while. I've lived
13:44through seasons where our household
13:45responsibilities changed a bit more than
13:48we had anticipated or expected. The
13:50question isn't always whether everything
13:52is 50/50, cuz I hear that thrown around
13:54a lot. Is whether or not everyone is
13:56contributing what they reasonably can,
13:58and whether that arrangement is
14:00sustainable. So, here's your assignment
14:01before November. Identify one
14:03responsibility that you've been silently
14:05resenting, and then have an actual
14:07conversation about it. Not, "I need more
14:09help, okay Susan?" Try, "I need you to
14:11take ownership of this, including
14:13remembering it, planning it, and
14:15following through without me managing
14:17you." And if you don't have anybody to
14:19share the load with, look at what can be
14:21simplified, postponed, or taken off your
14:23plate entirely. Because support isn't
14:25always somebody [clears throat] doing
14:26something for you. Sometimes it's people
14:28respecting what you can no longer do.
14:30And let me leave you with this on that
14:31part. Being loved and being supported
14:33should not be two totally different
14:35subscription plans. You know what I'm
14:36know what I'm saying. Give 2027 a
14:38standing appointment before it arrives.
14:40Now, here's where I need for you to stop
14:42treating your future like somebody you
14:43going to get around to calling back, cuz
14:45we know you ain't going to ever call
14:46them. Because some of us have been
14:47saying, "Look, when things calm down,
14:50I'm going to start." Baby, when? The
14:52holidays is on the way. The bills are
14:54billing. And somebody somewhere is
14:55already planning a family gathering that
14:57you don't want to attend. So, listen,
15:00you don't need another elaborate
15:01routine. You need 20 minutes a week that
15:03belong to your future, specifically.
15:05Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, in his
15:07research on implementation intentions,
15:10it showed that we were more likely to
15:11follow through when we decide
15:13specifically where, when, and how we are
15:15going to act. So, here's your 20-minute
15:17future appointment. Five minutes to
15:19review what's working and what's not,
15:21five minutes to remove What's one
15:23obstacle that's making your life
15:24unnecessarily difficult? And 10 minutes
15:26to advance. Take one actual step towards
15:29something you want. Apply for the
15:30position. Review your finances. Research
15:33that certification. Schedule the
15:35appointment. Make the phone call that
15:37you've been avoiding since 50 11 years
15:39ago. Okay? And put it on your calendar
15:41like you would any other important
15:42appointment. Because here's what I want
15:44you to understand. You do not have to
15:45become an entirely different woman by
15:47January 1st, but you can become a woman
15:49who's already started to do things
15:51differently. And listen, that's how you
15:53enter 2027. You know, with the momentum
15:55this time instead of another list of
15:57promises. And that's real. So listen,
15:592026 may not have given all of us
16:01everything that we wanted. I'm not a
16:03pretty pretty princess like I wanted to
16:05be, okay? But it doesn't mean that the
16:07rest of your story has already been
16:08written. Give yourself credit for what
16:10you've survived. Take responsibility for
16:12what you can change. And stop waiting on
16:14that calendar to give you permission to
16:16begin. So tell me in the comments one
16:17thing that you're changing before
16:19November. Or before the end of the year.
16:21Like, share, and subscribe. And
16:22remember, your next chapter doesn't
16:24start in January. It starts with your
16:25next decision. Love y'all and I can't
16:27wait to see you in the next one. Dr.
16:29Nina signing out. Peace.
16:42>> [music]

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