If Cristiano Ronaldo Played For France — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:07Hey you, you're up.
2. 0:16Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up right there,
3. 0:18mon ami. Ronaldo in a France shirt? Did
4. 0:22I just wake up in the wrong universe or
5. 0:23what? Okay, let's rewind because
6. 0:26somewhere out there in some other
7. 0:28timeline, Cristiano Ronaldo never wears
8. 0:30red for Portugal. He grows up wearing
9. 0:32blue for France instead. Stick around
10. 0:35because this isn't just imagine Ronaldo
11. 0:37on a different team. This is what
12. 0:39happens when the most confident, most
13. 0:41ego-driven goal machine in football
14. 0:42history gets dropped into France's
15. 0:45golden generation. The Zidanes, the
16. 0:47Henrys, all of them. And hey, quick
17. 0:49thing before we get into it. If you're
18. 0:51into these what if football videos, go
19. 0:53ahead and hit subscribe now because
20. 0:55trust me, you don't want to miss the
21. 0:56next one.
22. 0:57In real life, a Sporting CP scout goes
23. 1:00to Madeira, watches a skinny teenager
24. 1:02destroy grown men on a tiny pitch, and
25. 1:05Portugal gets insanely lucky. In our
26. 1:08story, that scout misses his flight.
27. 1:10Instead, a French scout from
28. 1:11Clairefontaine happens to be on holiday
29. 1:14in Madeira, sees the same kid, and goes,
30. 1:16"Sacre bleu! I actually need to make a
31. 1:18phone call right now." A few confusing
32. 1:20meetings later, a very confused
33. 1:21Portuguese federation and a very smug
34. 1:24French one, and just like that,
35. 1:26Cristiano Ronaldo is off to
36. 1:27Clairefontaine. Same academy
37. 1:29[clears throat] that built Henry,
38. 1:30Anelka, and half of France's best
39. 1:32players ever. Picture it. Zidane is
40. 1:34already the main guy in French football.
41. 1:36Henry is already a superstar. And now
42. 1:38this teenage Portuguese kid shows up
43. 1:41doing stepovers on people in training
44. 1:43who did not ask for that. Zidane doesn't
45. 1:45care. He's Zidane. He's basically
46. 1:47unbothered by everything. He kind of
47. 1:49becomes Ronaldo's big brother figure.
48. 1:51Henry, on the other hand, is annoyed. He
49. 1:53just lost his spot as the most stylish
50. 1:55player in the country to a 17-year-old.
51. 1:57Somewhere in all this, Henry realizes
52. 1:59he's about to spend the next 10 years
53. 2:01sharing headlines with a kid who
54. 2:02genuinely believes he's the main
55. 2:04character of every single training
56. 2:06session. Welcome to France, Cristiano.
57. 2:102006 World Cup. France reaches the final
58. 2:13again, same as real life. Italy, Berlin,
59. 2:16everything's lining up the same way it
60. 2:18did before. Except this time in extra
61. 2:20time, instead of Zidane getting wound up
62. 2:22and headbutting Materazzi, the most
63. 2:24famous moment in World Cup history,
64. 2:25Ronaldo just scores the winner 2 minutes
65. 2:28earlier. No headbutt, no drama,
66. 2:30Materazzi never even gets the chance to
67. 2:32say whatever he said. Somewhere in 2026,
68. 2:34Materazzi sitting at home like, "Bro, I
69. 2:36had a whole speech ready and
70. 2:38everything." France wins the trophy.
71. 2:40Zidane retires a champion, not the guy
72. 2:42from that headbutt video. Now, here's
73. 2:44the thing, it's not just international
74. 2:46tournaments that flip upside down. His
75. 2:47whole club career probably looks
76. 2:49different, too. Maybe Sporting never
77. 2:51happens at all. Maybe it's Monaco who
78. 2:53grabs him young, or maybe PSG swoops in
79. 2:56early instead of Manchester United ever
80. 2:58getting a look in. And that changes
81. 3:00everything after. No Old Trafford years,
82. 3:03no United treble run as a teenager, a
83. 3:05completely different path to becoming
84. 3:07the player we know.
85. 3:11Real life, France's 2010 World Cup was
86. 3:14an actual disaster off the pitch. At
87. 3:16halftime of one game, striker Nicolas
88. 3:18Anelka lost it at the coach in front of
89. 3:20the whole team. Word got out, and
90. 3:22instead of anyone apologizing, the whole
91. 3:24squad backed Anelka. The players refused
92. 3:27to train the next day and just sat on
93. 3:28the team bus in protest while cameras
94. 3:30filmed everything. France went out in
95. 3:32the group stage without winning a single
96. 3:34game. Now, picture that same meltdown,
97. 3:37same bus, same chaos, except Ronaldo is
98. 3:40standing right in the middle of
99. 3:41[clears throat] it. Honestly, this
100. 3:42version of the strike probably looks
101. 3:44better on camera. The apology video
102. 3:46alone would break the internet.
103. 3:48Ronaldo in France also changes the whole
104. 3:51goat rivalry. That fight for Ballon d'Or
105. 3:53was already ridiculously close for over
106. 3:56a decade. Now imagine Ronaldo walks into
107. 3:58every single one of those arguments with
108. 4:00an actual World Cup winners medal in his
109. 4:02pocket that he never had in real life.
110. 4:04That's not a minor detail. That's the
111. 4:06entire debate tilted in his favor before
112. 4:09anyone's even watched a highlight reel.
113. 4:13By 2018, real-life Ronaldo is 33 and
114. 4:16playing out his last great years with
115. 4:18Portugal. In this timeline, he's the
116. 4:20experienced veteran on France's team
117. 4:23standing next to a teenage Kylian Mbappé
118. 4:25who's about to blow everyone's mind.
119. 4:28Mbappé does his thing, the speed, the
120. 4:30finishing, embarrassing Argentina at 19
121. 4:33years old like it's nothing.
122. 4:35Ronaldo is somehow mentoring him and
123. 4:37trying to steal his spotlight in every
124. 4:39post-match interview at the same time.
125. 4:41France wins it all anyway. Two World
126. 4:43Cups now in this version and suddenly
127. 4:45nobody can call Ronaldo the guy who
128. 4:47choked on the big stage. That argument
129. 4:50just doesn't exist anymore. Let's not
130. 4:52forget on Ri in all of this. In real
131. 4:54life, he's remembered as one of the
132. 4:55greatest strikers France has ever had,
133. 4:58full stop, no competition.
134. 5:00In this timeline, he's forever the guy
135. 5:02who had to share the spotlight in his
136. 5:04own country,
137. 5:05with his own fans, with the Portuguese
138. 5:08kid who wasn't even supposed to be
139. 5:10there. That's a rough legacy to be stuck
140. 5:12with.
141. 5:15Qatar, 2022. The final everyone talks
142. 5:19about to this day. Except this time,
143. 5:21it's not Mbappé versus Messi, it's
144. 5:23Ronaldo versus Messi. Old rivals, actual
145. 5:27World Cup final, not just an argument
146. 5:29people have on social media about who's
147. 5:31better.
148. 5:32I'm not going to spoil how it ends, but
149. 5:34either way, the internet does not
150. 5:36recover from this one.
151. 5:40Every good run has to end eventually,
152. 5:43and in real life, it just did. France
153. 5:45actually got knocked out of this exact
154. 5:47World Cup by Spain two to zero in the
155. 5:49semi-final. So in our timeline, let's
156. 5:52say it goes the same way just with an
157. 5:54extra 41-year-old in the squad watching
158. 5:56it happen. Ronaldo's legs, the ones that
159. 5:59used to fly past defenders, now need a
160. 6:01few extra steps just to get going.
161. 6:04Mbappe is the main guy now and France
162. 6:06[music] should honestly still be fine
163. 6:07without Ronaldo carrying anything.
164. 6:10Except they're not fine. Same story as
165. 6:12real life. Spain shut them out
166. 6:14completely. No goals, no answer for it
167. 6:17and France go home from the semi-final
168. 6:19instead of lifting anything. Ronaldo's
169. 6:22last World Cup ends with press
170. 6:23conferences about what went wrong, not
171. 6:25some fairy tale ending. Somewhere
172. 6:28Henry's watching from a TV studio and he
173. 6:30is not even trying to hide the smile.
174. 6:34So yeah, one missed flight, one scout
175. 6:36who decided to go on holiday to the
176. 6:38wrong island at exactly the right time
177. 6:40and French football is never ever the
178. 6:43same again. Would any of this actually
179. 6:45happen? Absolutely not. Ronaldo would
180. 6:48sooner learn to speak fluent Mandarin
181. 6:49than swap Portugal for France and
182. 6:51honestly Henry probably sleeps better at
183. 6:54night knowing this timeline stayed
184. 6:55fictional.
185. 6:56So drop a comment and tell me which
186. 6:58timeline you'd actually want to live in.
187. 7:00And if you enjoyed this, you know what
188. 7:01to do. Hit that subscribe button because
189. 7:04there's a whole lot more of these what
190. 7:05if videos coming and trust me, some of
191. 7:07the next ones are even more unhinged
192. 7:09than this. See you in the next one.