Identity Sculpting: Build Your Ideal Self — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Hi everyone, in this video we're going to explore  identity sculpting — or how to shape your ideal
2. 0:05self, how to become the person you need to become  to achieve the things in life you want to achieve.
3. 0:11On this channel, we explore creating systems  in our lives to perform better and achieve what
4. 0:15matters most to each of us. And fundamental  to this is defining who you want to be,
5. 0:20then designing and becoming that person. Your  thoughts are repeated to yourself over and over
6. 0:25again. Those thoughts become your beliefs, and  your beliefs become your reality. Once you accept
7. 0:31that as reality, you are stuck with that life.  Tony Robbins said, "The only thing keeping you
8. 0:37from getting what you want is the story you  keep telling yourself." So often, the beliefs
9. 0:42that you accept as reality are not actual reality.  They're just excuses. You let your excuses become
10. 0:49your reality. Don't do that. Life is not about  finding yourself. It's about becoming yourself.
11. 0:56We can rewire our brains, we can rewrite our view  of self. We can shape the version of ourselves
12. 1:03that serves us best, you can view yourself in many  different legitimate ways. Pick one that empowers
13. 1:09and uplifts. Rather than hurts and breaks you down  we will explore how to build legitimacy in your
14. 1:15mind. For the way you choose to view yourself to  specifically design and sculpt your self identity
15. 1:21habits are formed through identity change,  both starting good ones, and breaking bad ones.
16. 1:27I discovered this notion over 20 years ago, and  that has been the most impactful insight of my
17. 1:34life. That identity is at the source of building  and breaking the habits to become the person you
18. 1:40want to be see my previous identity sculpting  video for very practical daily steps to build
19. 1:46an identity sculpting practice. I'll link to  that below. But for something that's important,
20. 1:51we haven't discussed this concept fully enough  yet. So let's dive deeper. Our actions shape
21. 1:57our identity and in turn, our identity shapes  our actions. The Silicon Valley philosopher
22. 2:02entrepreneur Reid Hoffman said, I believe that  each of us should be thoughtful, proactive,
23. 2:07and rigorous about our own identity, shape  your identity, and thus your life. To better
24. 2:13meet the expectations you have of yourself. How  do we do this, you lay bricks to construct the
25. 2:19identity you want. Each action you take is a  brick placed in the structure you're building.
26. 2:24The structure over time with many bricks takes  shape, and forms a rigidity. It's your view of
27. 2:31yourself build deliberately laying the right shape  of bricks in the right place to build who you want
28. 2:37to be. laying bricks reactively or arbitrarily,  will create a rough dysfunctional structure. And
29. 2:44if we find ourselves with a chaotic, dysfunctional  creation, we don't just move on to a new plot of
30. 2:50land and start over the structure and the bricks  need to be dismantled in order to build a new
31. 2:56we only have one plot of land and one structure of  self build it properly as early as possible. The
32. 3:05longer you let the reactive arbitrary bricklaying  go, the more hard work to tear down and rebuild.
33. 3:10But once you have a strong well designed, well  built structure, you have a robust and enduring
34. 3:17self identity that can withstand harsh weather  and ongoing challenges. You get validation through
35. 3:23attention to the inputs and ideas that enter your  awareness. Not everything you encounter needs to
36. 3:28be validated, you can decide what to validate by  deciding what to spend time reflecting on or even
37. 3:35obsessing on where you apply your attention  has a lasting effect on you. It lays bricks,
38. 3:41if you obsess over negative or angry thoughts  in your mind, looping them over and over,
39. 3:46they will form your beliefs and your identity.  And therefore your reality. If you obsess over
40. 3:52growth minded ideas, empowering beliefs, they  will form a confident and capable structure
41. 3:57of self your thoughts lay bricks toward your  identity, your actions do exactly the same.
42. 4:03Your actions shape what your mind focuses on.  For much of the time, there are certainly things
43. 4:08outside of your control that impact and shape  your identity, some driven by ego, but many a
44. 4:13real and unfair and completely legitimate reasons  for negative elements of your self identity. They
45. 4:19are outside of your control. And there is so much  inside your control, including what you permit to
46. 4:26define you from outside forces. This can be done.  It's done by many people who rise above adversity,
47. 4:32it is your mind. If you make the effort, you  can have more influence on it than anyone or
48. 4:38anything else. The influential psychologist  Carl Rogers said people have three types of
49. 4:45views or perceptions of themselves. They have a  self image, which is how we see ourselves who we
50. 4:51think we are. They have self esteem, how we feel  about ourselves emotionally and an ideal self, who
51. 4:57we should be who we want to be selfless. alignment  is when our self image is close to our ideal self.
52. 5:04This is the objective. It leads to good self  esteem, confidence and high self worth. However,
53. 5:10it is always a work in progress. It is never a  fixed state. So you always have to be mindful and
54. 5:16striving toward improving that self alignment.  Self alignment moves us towards Maslow's self
55. 5:21actualization atop his hierarchy of needs, we  first satisfy lower levels, and then move up
56. 5:27to the higher levels. At the very bottom you have  basic needs, these would be physiological needs,
57. 5:31such as food, water, warmth, rest, then you have  safety needs security, safety, protection, then
58. 5:39as you get into the middle, you have psychological  needs, this would be belongingness, and love needs
59. 5:44friends, intimate relations, connections with  other people, then you move up to esteem needs,
60. 5:49which would be a sense of accomplishment and a  sense of meaning. And then ultimately, we move
61. 5:54up to the self fulfillment needs, this would be  what he calls self actualization. And that is what
62. 6:00we're achieving as we move closer and closer to  our ideal self. As we achieve that self alignment,
63. 6:06we achieve one's own full potential. This is  what we're striving for. When we're sculpting
64. 6:12and shaping ourselves, we're building ourselves  into our ideal self. This is self actualization.
65. 6:17And the way you do that is by laying bricks, brick  by brick, action by action, every thought that we
66. 6:25focus on every action that we do, and we repeat  those actions. Day after day, hour after hour,
67. 6:31they build the structure, and they move us  toward that actualization, that ideal self,
68. 6:36then how you manifest your identity, further  shapes your identity, it becomes a feedback loop,
69. 6:43it gets easier and reinforced over time, if  you're building in a healthy direction. So the
70. 6:48sooner you get into this positive feedback loop of  strong thoughts, strong actions, strong identity,
71. 6:54self perpetuating, the better, the less work you  have to do to undo and restart the momentum. And
72. 7:01ultimately, you can decide on the identity you  want, but it better be aligned with what you
73. 7:06truly value. Or you will build a prison. A lot  of people build prisons through false identities,
74. 7:13identities, not true with themselves, either  serving what they think others want, or an
75. 7:19ego fueled delusion. They end up with identities,  they don't respect and do not provide real purpose
76. 7:24and fulfillment. As with everything. And most  importantly, here, you have to ask, Why do you
77. 7:30want this ideal self and that all comes down to  your guiding principles in life, what you value
78. 7:36in life, and where you find meaning in life, we've  talked about guiding principles to some degree,
79. 7:41particularly when we looked at the alignment  zone in the notion PPV pillars, pipelines and
80. 7:46vault system, but we really haven't drilled deep  into it. In the next video following this one,
81. 7:52we're going to dive into guiding principles more  specifically, and get a better sense both of what
82. 7:58they are, and how to identify, find and articulate  your guiding principles so that they can serve as
83. 8:05a North Star as a guiding beacon, how you choose  the things that are your highest priorities,
84. 8:11how you shape your identity. All of this is  directly informed by your guiding principles.
85. 8:17If your identity is not aligned with your guiding  principles, you're gonna have a lot of problems.
86. 8:21But also if your top priority projects are not  aligned, if your value goals if your objectives
87. 8:27if your habits and routines are not aligned, the  guiding principles inform everything. So the next
88. 8:33video we're going to deep go deep into what those  are, understand them more clearly. And then think
89. 8:37about how we can construct those in our lives  and then implement them into our systems if we
90. 8:42have a formal system, but just to be aware of  them as a guiding direction, even if you don't
91. 8:47have a system. They inform everything we do,  especially the big choices we make in life and
92. 8:52identity is not only a beacon for yourself, it is  a marker of who you are and what you stand for.
93. 8:58It's also a beacon for others. If you default to  a misaligned identity. Without deliberation, you
94. 9:06will attract the same in others around you shape  and identity that you respect and are proud of,
95. 9:11then you will attract others with similar identity  qualities and future videos we'll continue to
96. 9:17explore identity identity sculpting, how to align  it with guiding principles and how to become the
97. 9:23person you need to become to achieve the things  you want to achieve. If this is of interest,
98. 9:27be sure to hit the subscribe button and the bell  icon to get updates on future videos. And please
99. 9:32hit like if you found this video valuable.  The thoughts or questions below or join us
100. 9:37in the notion life design course to explore  these topics more extensively. That's all
101. 9:41at notion life design.com I also write the life  design newsletter on increasing human capability.
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103. 9:52The newsletter link is also below in the show  notes. Thanks for watching. Lots more to come.