IB English: Paper One - Improving Our Academic Writing — Transcript

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1. 0:00i'm dave and i'm andrew and together we
2. 0:02are the ib english guys
3. 0:05folks
4. 0:06a few videos ago we talked about an
5. 0:08important advertisement from unhcr and
6. 0:10today we really want to focus on the
7. 0:12aspect of writing and if you were to
8. 0:14receive such an ad on a paper one how
9. 0:16can you be successful and mr giles we
10. 0:18talked about an important mnemonic
11. 0:19device in that video could you remind
12. 0:21our viewers of that demonic yeah we got
13. 0:22together it was his so he's saying that
14. 0:24we got to get anviera out so please call
15. 0:27aunt vera to eat vietnamese spring rolls
16. 0:30okay let's see if we can remember all
17. 0:32the parts the p is product that's right
18. 0:35c is context a is audience v are the
19. 0:39visuals t is text
20. 0:42e is emotions v is values and s is
21. 0:45subtext wow and vera works mr jobs we
22. 0:48understand what how that mnemonic works
23. 0:51okay
24. 0:52we're going to talk about this ad from
25. 0:54unhcr and i we really love this ad we
26. 0:56think it has a lot of rich detail but
27. 0:58more importantly we think it has a
28. 1:00really strong message about an important
29. 1:02global issue so
30. 1:03if you didn't see that video please have
31. 1:05a look because we spent a long time
32. 1:07talking about the sort of rich
33. 1:09elements
34. 1:10in that particular ad using our anvira
35. 1:13protocol yeah and mr jaws today we're
36. 1:15looking at this ad through the lens of
37. 1:16paper one and we're assuming that you
38. 1:18were given this text and a guiding
39. 1:20question and you have a chunk of time to
40. 1:22do some academic writing uh what was the
41. 1:25guiding question that we decided to pin
42. 1:26to this particular advertisement it was
43. 1:29how does the advertisement use visual
44. 1:32elements and layout to invite a call to
45. 1:34action oh i like that so they're really
46. 1:36specifically going after visual elements
47. 1:39and layout and what can you say but what
48. 1:41does that mean a call to action what do
49. 1:42you think they're insinuating there yeah
50. 1:44i think they're they're thinking about
51. 1:46making the reader uh take action and do
52. 1:49something and i think that's really what
53. 1:50this advertisement is trying to do now
54. 1:52notice they haven't really given you an
55. 1:53idea of what is the central message what
56. 1:56is the central argument we got to put
57. 1:57our thinking caps on which we did last
58. 1:59night we did we did that last video we
59. 2:01did a lot of detailed thinking using
60. 2:03that mnemonic and mr giles what is the
61. 2:05main claim that you came up with after
62. 2:06all that thinking yeah so this is my
63. 2:08thesis statement for my guided analysis
64. 2:10this is what i wrote through the visual
65. 2:13elements this ad communicates the
66. 2:15message that refugees face impossible
67. 2:18dilemmas and they need to be treated
68. 2:19with empathy and compassion wow giles
69. 2:22that's some big thinking right there
70. 2:24what was sort of your metacognitive
71. 2:26process as you were constructing that oh
72. 2:28good question well i was thinking about
73. 2:30first of all using the wording of the
74. 2:32guiding question i think that's really
75. 2:33important i see that i see the word
76. 2:35visual elements very clearly that's a
77. 2:36clean match that shows focus what else
78. 2:38are you thinking about i'm thinking
79. 2:39about the message and that call to
80. 2:41action and thinking about the impossible
81. 2:43dilemmas and that they need to be
82. 2:45treated with empathy and that's again
83. 2:47the call to action that they're they're
84. 2:49asking us to do yeah and that's great
85. 2:50and you came to you would come to that
86. 2:52conclusion within that five minutes of
87. 2:53reading time during a paper one and
88. 2:55that's what you came up with all right
89. 2:56also during that planning time that we
90. 2:58recommend all students go through before
91. 3:00writing when you're planning your essay
92. 3:02how do you see these paragraphs coming
93. 3:03out yeah i've got to make a simple
94. 3:05rudimentary outline to help plot my
95. 3:07thinking and again i'm always thinking
96. 3:09about those visual elements because
97. 3:10that's my focus that's what the guiding
98. 3:12question asked me my first uh my first
99. 3:15part of my paper is going to explore the
100. 3:16composition of the image this allows me
101. 3:18to look at the the entire image and how
102. 3:21it's composed and how all those elements
103. 3:22in the foreground and background work
104. 3:24together what might be some of your
105. 3:25other body paragraphs i'm going to focus
106. 3:27on that family and the foreground i feel
107. 3:29like they're really important i can zero
108. 3:31in on a lot of aspects of how how they
109. 3:33help to tell the story
110. 3:35that's in this image and then i'm going
111. 3:37to move on and talk about the setting
112. 3:39and some of the use of symbolism and
113. 3:41then i can talk about the smoke in the
114. 3:42background and the light of the on the
115. 3:44horizon yeah and i like that you're
116. 3:46talking about sort of the foreground
117. 3:48background because ultimately i think
118. 3:49you need to talk about layout as well
119. 3:50why is layout so important for this
120. 3:52particular question right well they
121. 3:54asked me visual elements and layouts the
122. 3:56layout is sort of how how the text has
123. 3:59been laid out and the structure think
124. 4:01about how it's built you know where are
125. 4:03things placed and for what reason how is
126. 4:04that structured right the big thing i'm
127. 4:06thinking about are the tick boxes the qr
128. 4:08codes and some of the layout of the
129. 4:10advertising yeah and once again you know
130. 4:12if you're working outside of assessment
131. 4:14you know i think it's nice to make a
132. 4:15graphic organizer to help support your
133. 4:17thinking you probably don't have that
134. 4:18kind of time during the assessment but
135. 4:20mr jaws can you talk a little bit about
136. 4:22the graphic organizer you've completed
137. 4:23for today yeah so there are three
138. 4:24columns i think these are the three main
139. 4:27elements that i want to include in my
140. 4:29writing so i'm going to be thinking
141. 4:30about what textual references do i want
142. 4:32to use in this case it's the app
143. 4:34references in the image the details of
144. 4:36the image i'm going to be using and if
145. 4:37you give a texture reference you better
146. 4:39pin it to some sort of feature right and
147. 4:41that's the second column once you've got
148. 4:43that reference pin to a feature what's
149. 4:45the third element yeah then we're going
150. 4:46to really show our thinking and talk
151. 4:48about the effect on the reader and do
152. 4:50some analysis and that i think those are
153. 4:52the building blocks of an academic
154. 4:54paragraph for a body paragraph yeah and
155. 4:57you'll notice when we write we also make
156. 4:59our students highlight so we provided a
157. 5:01highlighting key that will help you
158. 5:02understand our process as we go through
159. 5:04this piece of academic writing all right
160. 5:06giles
161. 5:08you ready to do this i'm ready to do it
162. 5:09all right we need a topic sentence let's
163. 5:11crank one out my friend okay so we're
164. 5:12gonna we're gonna put put the writing up
165. 5:14as we go and sort of have a look so
166. 5:16let's look at the topic sentence this is
167. 5:17what i wrote the family in the
168. 5:18foreground of the image helps to convey
169. 5:20the agonizing dilemma faced by refugees
170. 5:23to help convey the value message of the
171. 5:25need for empathy and compassion
172. 5:28giles that's a big thinking you know i
173. 5:30like that you know i love how you said
174. 5:32you were going to write about the family
175. 5:33and there they are
176. 5:34i can see clear message
177. 5:36and i understand that you're going to be
178. 5:38focusing on the visual aspects so i
179. 5:39think we're off and running and it's
180. 5:40clearly highlighted to show that you're
181. 5:42on target all right giles time to think
182. 5:44about that graphic organizer what's the
183. 5:46first idea you want to explore yeah i
184. 5:48want to focus on that woman on the boat
185. 5:49she really stood out to me that she's
186. 5:51the main reason why i particularly love
187. 5:53this advertisement so i i want to talk
188. 5:56about her as first i wanted to talk
189. 5:58about her gaze i want to talk about her
190. 6:00clothing and really think about how
191. 6:03she's the sort of main subject of the
192. 6:04story and the advertisement and look a
193. 6:06little bit at again that color and
194. 6:08graphic weight that's great and i can
195. 6:10see on the screen that that's taken you
196. 6:12through you know you're off to a good
197. 6:13start but i think you could probably
198. 6:14squeeze in two or three other ideas so i
199. 6:17like maybe we can use the transition of
200. 6:19furthermore and what's your second idea
201. 6:21yeah my second idea is kind of thinking
202. 6:22about her facial expression and her
203. 6:24posture was really stood out to me so
204. 6:26i'm going beyond her clothing and
205. 6:28thinking about how she's looking and how
206. 6:31she's forlorn how she's gazing at the
207. 6:32camera
208. 6:34and also just her posture was one to me
209. 6:36of like strength and protection and
210. 6:38she's holding her child that to me was
211. 6:40something i wanted yeah and i noticed in
212. 6:41this case i do see the word reader
213. 6:43highlighted in orange and that's really
214. 6:45indicative of the fact that you're not
215. 6:46really talking about the text in
216. 6:48isolation but you're talking about how
217. 6:49the text has an impact on the reader and
218. 6:52by using the word reader or viewer or
219. 6:54even the author's name we know we're
220. 6:55looking at that relationship that's
221. 6:56fantastic i do see a third idea in there
222. 6:58as well let's get that up on the screen
223. 7:00now yeah okay there it goes yeah and
224. 7:03giles what do you want to talk about
225. 7:04what is your reference that you want to
226. 7:05talk about in this last example and what
227. 7:07features will you pin to that yeah
228. 7:09that's great now i want to look at that
229. 7:10the young men on the boat many of whom
230. 7:12are not looking at the camera they're
231. 7:13gazing on the horizon i want to think a
232. 7:15little bit about what they represent and
233. 7:17why they're there with how they're part
234. 7:18of the part of that family and i'm
235. 7:21thinking about again about the horizon
236. 7:23what that might signify how it's
237. 7:25different from what the woman's gazing
238. 7:26at and just make some interpretations of
239. 7:28that think about that in terms of the
240. 7:30overall message yeah and i think any
241. 7:33good academic paragraph mr giles needs
242. 7:35to have a strong concluding sentence we
243. 7:37tell our students that that concluding
244. 7:38sentence should echo the topic sentence
245. 7:40which in turn should echo the thesis
246. 7:42would you come up with on this last
247. 7:44sentence yeah i just wanted to talk
248. 7:45about the sort of dire conditions and
249. 7:48dire circumstances that so many refugees
250. 7:50face that's depicted by that family and
251. 7:52the way there's really no choice there's
252. 7:54no choice that's an ideal choice one
253. 7:57choice is to stay behind and the other
254. 7:59choice is to
255. 8:00to to flee and go to an unknown country
256. 8:02those are those are clearly not very
257. 8:04good choices so i called it the lesser
258. 8:05of two evils because it's kind of what
259. 8:08what i think the ad implies yeah that
260. 8:09really connects to those open tick marks
261. 8:11that you'd be talking about and some of
262. 8:13the language where they're forcing us to
263. 8:14make a choice and i think your message
264. 8:16overall and that's the message of unhcr
265. 8:18is
266. 8:19you know this is a terrible choice for
267. 8:20refugees and really the only choice for
268. 8:22anybody is for you the viewer to make a
269. 8:25donation to help them in their client
270. 8:27wow mr giles that's an impressive piece
271. 8:29of academic writing what do you want to
272. 8:31leave our viewers with today in closing
273. 8:33yeah i think you know we've done a lot
274. 8:34of talking about advertisements in the
275. 8:36previous videos and we've done some a
276. 8:38lot of sort of you know a lot of back
277. 8:40and forth of looking at features and i
278. 8:42wanted to give you a model of how to
279. 8:44formally write about these things and
280. 8:46learn how to take these features you can
281. 8:48put them into your writing and enhance
282. 8:50your analysis yeah and lastly folks just
283. 8:52remember this isn't easy we have a clear
284. 8:54process we're doing a lot of thinking we
285. 8:55have mnemonics we complete graphic
286. 8:57organizers we have transition phrases
287. 8:59and sentences
288. 9:00we highlight we're very very structured
289. 9:02don't think that this is just going to
290. 9:04come out on the first try very easily if
291. 9:06you put in the work and follow our
292. 9:08methods and highlighting we really think
293. 9:09you'll be successful in this task yeah
294. 9:11so give it a try you know you could you
295. 9:13could try on your own and practice that
296. 9:15and practice that highlighting and that
297. 9:16writing and i think you'll see i think
298. 9:18you see your academic writing improve
299. 9:20over time and i that's that's the goal
300. 9:21of these videos to give you something
301. 9:23valuable that can help you yeah once
302. 9:24again folks we hope you did find some
303. 9:26value in this video and if you like
304. 9:28please subscribe
305. 9:29more importantly let us know in the
306. 9:30comments what you want to hear about
307. 9:32we're starting to get some feedback and
308. 9:33we're trying to do our best to help give
309. 9:35you what you want so let us know and
310. 9:36we'll make the video thanks for watching
311. 9:38everyone and have a fantastic day
312. 9:40goodbye bye guys
313. 10:01you