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I stopped buying stupid sh*t because of this book (now I save thousands) — Transcript

by Christina Mychas · 3,339 words · 476 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00There was a time in my life where I was
0:01stuck in over $85,000 of student loan
0:03debt, but I still couldn't stop
0:05shopping. And for years I just thought
0:07that it meant that I was bad with money,
0:09that I didn't have discipline, and that
0:11all I really needed was a better budget.
0:13Until I read this book, Dopamine Nation
0:16by Dr. Anna Lembke.
0:17>> We get a little hit of dopamine not just
0:20when we're shopping, but just getting a
0:23reminder.
0:24>> And for the first time I felt like I
0:25actually understood why I constantly
0:27felt this urge to buy things that I
0:29really didn't need. And it was that
0:31clear understanding that I gained from
0:32that book that finally broke the cycle.
0:35And after officially paying off my debt,
0:36to this day I am still debt-free, I'm
0:38working on building my wealth, and I
0:40have stopped having such a toxic
0:42relationship with shopping and
0:44consumption. And this book really has a
0:46lot to do with it. So, I want to share
0:48the five lessons that I learned from
0:49this book that pretty much rewired my
0:51brain. And if there's anything in your
0:52life that you feel like you just indulge
0:54in too much or that you feel like you're
0:56over-consuming, this will really help
0:57you understand why and how to take back
1:00control. And we need to start with
1:01understanding why the things that are
1:03designed to make us feel good always end
1:05up making us feel worse. Like you've
1:07heard the saying no pain, no gain. Well,
1:09this book taught me that more pleasure
1:12equals more pain. And that was something
1:14that was really difficult to wrap my
1:15head around, but if I really think back
1:16of how I used to treat myself and how I
1:18used to scold myself and talk to myself
1:21all the time, then this really does
1:22track. But I realized what was happening
1:24was that I was constantly stressed and
1:26anxious about my financial situation,
1:28about my student loans, about how much
1:30money I owed, and about the fact that I
1:32couldn't stop shopping. But my way to
1:34deal with all that stress was to go out
1:37and go shopping again. I was constantly
1:39stressed and anxious about the fact that
1:41I felt like I didn't have enough money,
1:42so I spent more money to make myself
1:45feel better. And that's exactly what
1:46this book helped me understand. Because
1:48before we go any further in this
1:49pleasure-pain cycle, we need to
1:50understand what dopamine does in your
1:53brain. Because even though it seems like
1:54it's an internet buzzword and every
1:56podcast The is saying the word dopamine.
1:59>> Dopamine. Dopamine. Dopamine.
2:01>> Dopamine levels.
2:01>> And you've probably heard the term
2:03getting a dopamine hit before. But it
2:05really does play a huge role in why we
2:07over consume the things that we do and
2:09why it's so hard to stop. So, I'm going
2:11to put my science hat on for a second.
2:13Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that we
2:15all have in our bodies and it plays a
2:17huge role in things like motivation,
2:18reward, mood, and even things like
2:20movement. But for what you need to
2:22understand in this video, basically
2:23dopamine is the thing that makes us go
2:26and get the thing that we want. Because
2:28what you want to gather from this book
2:29is that you need to picture your
2:30dopamine balance like two sides of a
2:32teeter-totter. Your body is always
2:34looking to keep that balance on the
2:35teeter-totter stable. But when that
2:37Instagram post blows up or you get that
2:39email that your favorite store [music]
2:41is having a sale, you start to tilt
2:43towards the pleasure side of the
2:44balance. But if the teeter-totter is
2:46tilted this way, your body wants to get
2:47back to balance. So, you want to picture
2:49these little pain gremlins jumping on
2:52the other side to level that out. But
2:54here's the little kicker about the
2:55pleasure-pain balance. Those little
2:57gremlins don't jump off right away. They
2:59actually stay there for a little while
3:01and tip your dopamine levels below
3:03baseline where you started. And that's
3:05where you start to feel the come down.
3:06You start feeling like, "Okay, I'm going
3:08to watch one more Instagram video or one
3:10more episode on Netflix or add one more
3:12thing to cart." But in the world we live
3:14in now where all that good stuff is
3:16available at our fingertips all of the
3:18time, we end up in a cycle where we just
3:20keep on spiking our dopamine and more
3:22and more of those gremlins hop on that
3:24teeter-totter. Where eventually you need
3:25that feel-good thing almost constantly
3:28adjust to feel normal. And this is the
3:29exact cycle that I found myself in with
3:32my shopping. Because at that point in my
3:33compulsive shopping, I had taught my
3:35brain to just buy something whenever I
3:37felt uncomfortable, sad, or stressed.
3:39And yes, in the moment it worked. It
3:41spiked my dopamine, I felt good for a
3:43few minutes, but then a reality would
3:45set in and I realized that I was
3:47actually creating more of that exact
3:48pain that I was trying to escape. But
3:50what was going on in my brain was that I
3:52was creating this constant dopamine
3:53deficit state that I always needed to
3:55backfill with shopping. So, for years I
3:57was using shopping as a way to relieve
3:59anxiety and stress, but it eventually
4:01became the thing that was causing it in
4:03the first place. Which brings me into
4:05the next lesson that I learned, and it's
4:07the fact that you may struggle with
4:09this, but a lot of the times it's not
4:11necessarily your fault because we are
4:14surrounded by triggers. We live in a
4:16world that is designed to get us to
4:18indulge. Because look, at the end of the
4:20day I know that I was responsible for my
4:22spending, I was responsible for all of
4:24the decisions that I decided to make
4:26with my money. And I was constantly
4:27struggling with the fact that I knew
4:29better. I knew that I I knew what I had
4:31to do, but at the same time I felt like
4:32I couldn't stop. But what Dopamine
4:34Nation really taught me was that I was
4:36trying to break this cycle while living
4:38in an environment that was constantly
4:40sucking me back into it. Because
4:42everywhere you look, whether it be on
4:43your phone, on TV, on the side of a bus,
4:46everything is telling you to buy
4:48something, to eat something, to spend
4:50more money, to indulge, indulge,
4:52indulge. As in there's always something
4:53to tell you like, "Hey, this is going to
4:55make you feel really good. Come, come
4:57check me out." And the problem with that
4:58is our brains and our dopaminergic
5:00system evolved in a world of scarcity.
5:03When we were caveman, we were hunting
5:04and gathering, you didn't know what your
5:06next meal was going to be. So naturally
5:08we are inclined to opt in and hoard more
5:11and more. But the problem is now that we
5:13live in a world of extreme abundance.
5:16And those sources of abundance are
5:17designed to be highly potent and highly
5:20addictive. Think sugar, gambling, video
5:23games, social media, TV, shopping. The
5:26list goes on and on. So what kind of
5:27blew my mind here is that we have all
5:29this access to the things that we are
5:32told will make us happy, but it is
5:34probably those exact things that are
5:36making us feel worse. So when I took
5:38myself down a journey of facing my
5:40compulsive shopping habit and paying off
5:42my debt to rebuild my relationship with
5:43money, I actually spent a lot of time
5:45thinking about things like, you know, do
5:47I shop this way because I was bullied in
5:49elementary school? Or was it because I
5:52didn't feel confident in myself? I
5:54didn't feel good enough, so I needed to
5:55buy these things to flaunt some facade
5:59of wealth that I wanted people to
6:00perceive of me? Was it because money
6:02felt tight growing up and I often heard,
6:04"No, we can't afford that. Is that why I
6:06chose to overconsume and become an
6:08overspender? And you know what? Yes, all
6:10of these things could have contributed
6:12to those behaviors. But, what I didn't
6:14account for, and what Dopamine Nation
6:16made me realize, was that I was simply
6:19exposed and reminded of the fact that
6:21there were constantly things to buy, to
6:24want, that all came with the promise of
6:26making me feel happier, richer, and more
6:28put together than I actually was. Where
6:30all I had to do was just add to cart the
6:33thing. So, we can definitely spend time
6:34unpacking the why behind our behaviors,
6:37and it is important to do so. But, you
6:39can't ignore the fact that we live in a
6:41world that's kind of designed for us to
6:43fail and to struggle against that.
6:45Unless you do this third thing, which I
6:47will say completely changed my life. And
6:51I think it will change yours, too.
6:52Specifically for me, that was a no-buy.
6:55But, what I didn't realize at the time
6:57was I was actually doing what this book
6:59recommends, which is to do a dopamine
7:02detox. You're not technically detoxing
7:04from dopamine. We can't actually do
7:05that. You would not be alive if you did.
7:09What she basically encourages us to do
7:10is to abstain from that behavior for a
7:12minimum of 28 days. Because
7:15theoretically, this gives your brain and
7:17your body enough time for those little
7:19gremlins to jump off of the pain side
7:21and set that teeter-totter back to
7:23balance. Because right now, especially
7:25if you're struggling with overindulging
7:26in certain things, those little gremlins
7:28are living on that pain side rent-free.
7:30And I didn't realize it at the time, but
7:31the first thing I did to overcome my
7:34shopping addiction and to kickstart my
7:36debt-free journey was going on a no-buy.
7:38I completely stopped shopping for all
7:40things like clothes, makeup, skincare,
7:42takeout. I basically stopped spending
7:45money. And it was that exact detox that
7:47I needed. And this is really
7:48interesting, because in the section of
7:50the book that talks about how to do the
7:52dopamine detox, I experienced exactly
7:55what she talks about. Because the first
7:562 weeks, if you do this, they suck.
7:58You're basically in a state of
8:00withdrawal. You feel horrible, you feel
8:02cranky, and your brain is just
8:03constantly screaming at you to indulge
8:06in that behavior. In my case, it was
8:08telling me like, you need that thing,
8:10it's on sale, it's going to sell out.
8:12Oh, let's go shopping. Let's go see what
8:14we can buy at Aritzia. And you will
8:15basically be preoccupied with nothing
8:18else but the behavior that you're trying
8:20to abstain from. And if you can make it
8:22through those first 2 weeks, something
8:24really cool starts to happen in the next
8:262. You start to feel happier, you start
8:28to feel calmer, more relaxed, and that's
8:30because you've stopped bombarding your
8:32brain with cheap dopamine. The whole
8:34point of this detox is to basically give
8:35your brain and your body a chance to
8:37restore itself. And in those final 2
8:39weeks, you might start to feel more
8:40creative, you might feel happier, you
8:42might be able to think more clearly. And
8:44for me, it was more money in my bank
8:46account. But I do say this with a very
8:48important caveat that not all substances
8:50and certain things that are very easy to
8:52get addicted to should be stopped
8:53abruptly. Some things do need medical
8:55supervision. So, I will say that if you
8:58struggle with certain substance abuse,
9:00then you do need to be supervised by a
9:01medical professional. But if you
9:03struggle with things like shopping,
9:05overspending, things like sugar,
9:07DoorDash, video games, Netflix, things
9:10like that, if you find that you're
9:11overindulging in those types of things,
9:13then I would encourage you to try that
9:15dopamine detox because that is truly the
9:17thing that changed my life. And back in
9:19the day, I did my first low buy for
9:20about 6 or 7 months before I slipped up
9:23again. And I wouldn't change a thing
9:25about that experience, but this book
9:26made me realize that you don't even need
9:27to detox for that long. People talk
9:30about doing things like no buy years and
9:32all of that, and I think that's all
9:33great for many reasons, whether be
9:35saving money, environmental
9:36sustainability, all of those things. But
9:38if you're coming from a standpoint of
9:40purely trying to short-circuit some bad
9:42behavior, then all you really need is
9:44those 4 weeks, which I think makes it a
9:46lot more doable, especially for the
9:48rewards that you gain after. But this
9:50next lesson is what really truly changed
9:52my life after reading this book, and it
9:54is the fact that you're probably not
9:56going to want to quit that thing
9:59forever. Because even the author talks
10:01about how lots of patients that she's
10:03treated with dopamine detoxes end up
10:05returning to using their, she calls it
10:08drug of choice. But they don't want to
10:11use it in the way that they did before.
10:13And this is where the life-changing
10:15concept of self-binding comes in.
10:17Self-binding is essentially setting
10:19boundaries around the behavior. And
10:21there are three types of self-binding
10:22strategies that you can use: physical,
10:25time-bound, and categorical. But, the
10:27idea around all forms of self-binding is
10:30to separate the trigger from the actual
10:32behavior. And I use all three forms to
10:35this day. Some examples of physical
10:36self-binding could be things like
10:38deleting shopping apps from your phone,
10:40removing credit card information from
10:41your favorite shopping websites,
10:43deleting Apple Pay, unfollowing accounts
10:45that trigger you to shop, and
10:47unsubscribing from retailer emails.
10:49Whereas, time-bound sets certain limits
10:51around when you can do the behavior. And
10:53this is one that I probably use the
10:54most. I do things like putting things on
10:56a wish list where I wait 24 to 72 to
10:59sometimes even a month before I decide
11:01to buy something. Another form of
11:03time-bound self-binding that I started
11:05using in the past, I want to say 2 years
11:08or so, is that I don't allow myself to
11:10make any purchases in the morning.
11:12Because I actually noticed that is when
11:14my desire to buy things and to browse is
11:16actually highest. For a lot of people,
11:18they like to shop at night. For me, I
11:20don't know. I guess I'm a bit of a
11:22morning person, but I don't allow myself
11:24to do that anymore. You can also set
11:26milestone limitations with this. So, for
11:27example, on my birthday, I'm going to
11:29allow myself to buy this or I can buy
11:32this after I finish this assignment or
11:34after I cross the finish line of my half
11:36marathon. I actually find one of the
11:37most effective forms of self-binding is
11:39through the time limited. And for me
11:41personally, I find the time-bound
11:42self-binding to be the most effective
11:44because it really does teach you the art
11:46and the skill of delayed gratification.
11:49And I really like it because it's not
11:50necessarily saying no, it's just saying
11:53not now. And sometimes that's really all
11:55you need to forget about it and let go.
11:57And finally, you can use categorical
11:58self-binding. These are basically
12:00limitations that you set where you are
12:02okay to do the thing versus not okay.
12:04For example, I'm not allowed to shop
12:07when I know that I'm extra stressed or
12:09when I'm feeling bored or in certain
12:11categories of things that I purchase
12:13like makeup or skincare, I'm only
12:15allowed to buy new when I'm replacing
12:16something. No duplicates. What
12:19self-binding I think ultimately
12:20acknowledges is that future you is
12:22always going to want things and to do
12:24things that you enjoy. But, you have to
12:27do things in your present to make it a
12:29little bit harder so that you don't go
12:31overboard. Dr. Lemke says that
12:32self-binding is really the key to
12:34setting you free. And you just sort of
12:35stop fighting with those gremlins all
12:37the time because remember if you do give
12:39them enough time, they will eventually
12:41jump off. And as someone who used to be
12:44chronically dependent on short-term
12:46dopamine hits just to feel normal, this
12:49next lesson has really truly rewired my
12:52brain forever, I think. And that is the
12:54whole idea of without pain, there is no
12:58pleasure. Essentially, no pain, no gain.
13:00Because just like we learned that pain
13:02is the response to short-term pleasure,
13:04pleasure actually becomes the reward for
13:07pain. Essentially, this is all about the
13:08idea that doing something hard up front
13:11will always make you feel good after.
13:13Like think about it, this explains why
13:15people talk about runner's high after
13:16running a marathon or why you might feel
13:18amazing after public speaking when you
13:20were so nervous about it before. Or why
13:22something as simple as putting your
13:23phone down and going to shop your closet
13:25instead feels so much better than
13:28impulse buying that thing you just saw.
13:30Because all of these things took a
13:31little bit of work and a little bit of
13:33friction to do up front. They could
13:35literally be painful like running a
13:37marathon, they could be a little bit
13:39scary, or they could have taken just a
13:40little bit more effort than a phone
13:42scanning your face and saying it'll be
13:44delivered in the next 24 hours without
13:46you even having to get up off the couch.
13:48What I learned from this book is
13:49basically any activity that requires a
13:51bit of effort up front will make you
13:54feel your own sense of internal
13:55accomplishment and reward. And what I
13:57think is the most interesting about this
13:59is that the reward, that feeling that
14:01you get after that hard effort, lasts a
14:04lot longer than the ones that you get
14:06from those highly stimulating, highly
14:08dopaminergic, highly rewarding dopamine
14:11hits. When you put in hard work up
14:13front, you end up feeling great for a
14:14long time after Compared to something
14:16that makes you feel good in the short
14:17term, but leaves you feeling worse for a
14:19lot longer later. And you can do this in
14:21your life in so many different ways.
14:23Like getting up to go to the gym when
14:24you don't feel like it, taking the time
14:26to cook yourself a healthy meal instead
14:27of ordering DoorDash, or doing the hard
14:29thing of styling your own outfit instead
14:31of buying every single piece you saw on
14:33that influencer and then never really
14:34wearing it. But the hard part about this
14:36is is that we are kind of designed to
14:39turn away from pain. So, it's really
14:41hard to overcome those humps of friction
14:44every time you go to do something. But
14:46if you can turn towards those little
14:48bits of hard, you actually end up
14:49teaching your body that you can do hard
14:51things, and you actually become less
14:53vulnerable to seeking out those little
14:54pleasures to make yourself feel better
14:56in the short term. So, a nice reminder
14:58here is that doing hard things is not
15:00really meant to be easy, but it is a
15:02habit that we should continue to build
15:04and maintain if you're really serious
15:06about getting more resilient against
15:08these temptations. So, instead of always
15:10trying to escape those little bits of
15:11pain, she encourages us to turn into it
15:14because you're going to feel so much
15:15better after. But reading this book was
15:17truly only the beginning. You need to
15:19make sure that you're working on
15:20building good money habits, too. So,
15:22watch this video next where I share 11
15:24of the best frugal habits that save you
15:25serious money, but you can still enjoy
15:27life. Thanks for watching, and I'll see
15:29you next week. Bye.

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