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I’m (Politely) Begging You to Ignore These 6 Pieces of Advice Before It’s Too Late — Transcript

by Sandeep Swadia · 2,499 words · 439 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Some life advice sounds good, but it can
0:02ruin your life. Every day you're
0:05inundated with advice.
0:06>> If I may be so bold as to offer some
0:08advice.
0:08>> No matter where you look, someone's busy
0:11telling you what to do.
0:12>> Buy this right now.
0:13>> Stop buying random stuff.
0:14>> Always wear shoes when you're in a
0:16thumbtack factory.
0:19>> I was a homeless teen in Mumbai, became
0:22a monk in training,
0:23somehow ended up at MIT, then on Wall
0:27Street, was a musician, [music]
0:29eventually becoming a tech CEO, and I
0:32wish I had learned some of these [music]
0:34lessons earlier.
0:35Today, we will expose the hidden traps
0:39in six pieces of advice that every
0:42ambitious person will get. Because each
0:45one is only half true, we'll uncover
0:47that missing half [music] before advice
0:50that sounds right leads you to a wrong
0:53decision. And the last one might be the
0:55hardest one [music] to let go of.
0:58The first life advice you hear a lot,
1:01>> Never give up.
1:02>> give up.
1:03>> Never give up.
1:03>> Never.
1:04>> Never give up. But sometimes, that's
1:07exactly what you should do. Give up. A
1:10company called Tiny Speck released an
1:12online game called Glitch. In 2012, the
1:16CEO said,
1:18"We have to shut down the game." Because
1:20in a few months, they were going to burn
1:22through the remaining cash they had
1:24left, and all 40 employees
1:27were asked to give up on their dream.
1:30But to build that game, the team had put
1:33together an internal tool to message
1:35each other, share files, and after
1:38Glitch died, that side project [music]
1:41slowly became the main product of the
1:44company. We all know that company now.
1:47Slack.
1:48Salesforce bought Slack for almost $28
1:51billion.
1:53Sometimes you give up on one thing and
1:56gain something far more valuable.
1:59Of course, we've all heard the opposite
2:01stories, right? People who kept marching
2:03forward when everybody told them to stop
2:07and then great success. So, which one is
2:09true? Both? Neither? The problem is that
2:14persistence and stubbornness
2:17look almost identical while you're
2:19inside them. Persistence wants you to
2:22continue when the destination still
2:25makes sense.
2:27Stubbornness continues regardless.
2:30That's where your judgment comes into
2:32play.
2:33We've all had that job that drags you
2:36down or that relationship that feels
2:38like a burden. And how do you know what
2:41to do? You can apply what I call the
2:43three cost framework. First, the future
2:46cost.
2:47What would it take to make this current
2:50situation better?
2:52Do you know what needs to change?
2:54And is that change actually possible?
2:57Second, the sunk cost. Are you staying
3:00because it is worth continuing or
3:04because you've already invested so much?
3:08Starting over is difficult,
3:11but difficulty and damage
3:14aren't the same thing.
3:16Leaving is more difficult, but staying
3:20may cause you more damage.
3:22Third, the opportunity cost. What are
3:25you giving up by staying? What else
3:27could you build with all that time and
3:30money and attention and your emotional
3:32energy?
3:34Never give up is good advice when the
3:37struggle is worth it.
3:39Is terrible advice when staying in means
3:43giving up on something that matters
3:44more.
3:46Now, here's the second life advice that
3:48you should definitely ignore.
3:49>> Just look out for yourself.
3:50>> You have to rely on yourself.
3:52>> Look out for number one, kid, cuz no one
3:54else will.
3:55>> That advice is bad for you, your career,
3:58and your business.
4:00There were two friends in Los Angeles,
4:02two young actors. They were trying to
4:04make it in Hollywood,
4:06and they were so broke that they decided
4:09to share a bank account. So, when one of
4:12them got paid, it kept both of them
4:14going. I am talking about Matt Damon and
4:18Ben Affleck, of course. Eventually, they
4:20wrote a phenomenal movie, Goodwill
4:22Hunting. They won the Oscar. Both of
4:25them became megastars. One played Jason
4:28Bourne, the other played Batman. I think
4:31today they can afford their own bank
4:33accounts.
4:35But, this is the part we often miss.
4:37Some situations in life are zero-sum
4:41games.
4:42The 100-m race, a tennis match, a game
4:46of football,
4:47in all those situations, one person's
4:51win means another person's loss. But,
4:54life
4:55is not like that.
4:58You have to understand the game you're
5:00actually playing. Sure, if you interview
5:03and you don't get a job,
5:06someone else won.
5:08You lost.
5:09But, if you stay in touch with the folks
5:12at the company and find ways to continue
5:14to help them, the relationships you
5:16build can create opportunities later,
5:19regardless.
5:21Your success becomes possible because
5:24some people decide to take a chance on
5:26you, invest in you, to grow you. Now,
5:30this doesn't mean that you should help
5:32someone while secretly keeping score and
5:34expecting the same from them, because
5:37that can turn any trusted relationship
5:40into a transaction. I learned a more
5:44painful version of this, uh, when I was
5:47leaving for my first C-level job. I sat
5:51down with one of my VPs, and I told him
5:56that I was leaving, and I asked him,
6:00"What should I do differently in my next
6:02role?"
6:04And
6:05he kind of looked straight, he paused,
6:09and suddenly he got teary-eyed, and he
6:14said,
6:16"You are going to be a great [music]
6:18leader.
6:19I just wish you had invested more time
6:23in me."
6:25And man, that story still haunts [music]
6:28me
6:29because
6:31he was right.
6:33I had been thinking so much about the
6:36leader I wanted to become [music] in the
6:38future
6:40that I had missed becoming one in the
6:43present. I was busy showing off instead
6:47of really showing [music] up. Next time
6:50you feel like you are competing against
6:53someone,
6:53>> [music]
6:54>> step back and ask yourself,
6:57"Am I in a zero-sum game?" Others don't
7:01have to lose for you to win. Looking out
7:04for others can be one of the best ways
7:07to look out for yourself. Every
7:09millionaire, every celebrity, and every
7:12graduation speaker says the same thing.
7:14>> There is no reason not to follow your
7:16heart.
7:16>> Follow your passion.
7:17>> Follow your passion.
7:19>> Follow your passion.
7:21>> You should ignore it.
7:24During World War II, a woman worked in
7:27an American intelligence unit, and she
7:30spent much of her career as an
7:32assistant, typing [music]
7:33top secret memos for the military, and
7:37somehow she found her way to Paris.
7:40And out of sheer curiosity,
7:43she started attending French cooking
7:45classes.
7:46That one accidental choice unlocked a
7:49passion that transformed her completely.
7:52Her name [music]
7:53was Julia Child.
7:55Her cookbooks still inspire millions to
7:58this day.
8:00So, you see, the path to passion is not
8:03a straight line. Your dream job might
8:05involve something you haven't learned to
8:07love yet. How do you know you love
8:09something if you never done it before?
8:11So, start with something you're curious
8:13about, give yourself time to get better
8:16at it,
8:18and then see.
8:20The second question here is equally
8:22intriguing.
8:23Can you actually make a living from your
8:25passion? You can love something and
8:28become exceptionally good at it, but
8:31that doesn't mean that enough people
8:33will pay you enough money
8:35to build your passion into a full-time
8:37job. Los Angeles is full of bartenders
8:40who come there to become actors and
8:43actresses.
8:44I'm sure Mumbai or New York City are no
8:47different. Some passions are just
8:50lottery tickets.
8:52Unless you're super lucky,
8:55your passion alone
8:57can't be your business model.
8:59And the third and final question you
9:01should ask, will you still love it when
9:03your livelihood depends on it? You know,
9:06when I started this channel, this was
9:08the first point in my first ever video
9:11that I made.
9:12Because I had lived it. I was a musician
9:16for years, but trying to make a living
9:20was always incredibly stressful. When my
9:24passion had to be the main source of my
9:26income,
9:28it literally changed my relationship
9:30with it. Now, that happened to me. Your
9:33case and your story might be totally
9:35different. But before you give up on
9:38your banking job to start baking, answer
9:41those three questions. First, actually
9:44do the work for a long time or long
9:47enough to see whether you can
9:49actually become good at it.
9:51Second, ask someone earning a living in
9:54that field what it actually takes to
9:57make the numbers work. And third, see if
9:59you want to do it again and again when
10:02your livelihood depends on it. And that
10:05is the missing half of that generic
10:07advice. Some passions may become your
10:10living and some may make your life worth
10:14living.
10:15And by the way, if you enjoy ideas like
10:17these, please subscribe to my free
10:19newsletter every Tuesday. One insight,
10:22one tool, one practice.
10:25I love writing it. All right.
10:27The next advice we want to ignore is the
10:29one you've heard a million times.
10:32>> Do you think money buys happiness?
10:33>> Absolutely not.
10:34>> money
10:35>> can't buy Money can't buy
10:36>> Money can't buy happiness.
10:37>> I think money can change your life. The
10:39question is, do you know what you need
10:41to change?
10:44When I was younger, back in Mumbai,
10:48India,
10:50my dad was very good
10:53at losing money.
10:56He lost all his money so quickly and I
10:59had gotten into a university in the US.
11:02[music]
11:03It was a full scholarship program, but I
11:06didn't have enough money
11:08to buy even the airline ticket.
11:11I couldn't afford it and neither could
11:14my dad. I remember him feeling
11:17helpless and defeated.
11:21He went door-to-door
11:23>> [music]
11:23>> to his neighbors and [clears throat]
11:25begged and borrowed money from all of
11:28them
11:29for me.
11:31Mhm.
11:34And uh yeah, I bought a one-way ticket
11:38from Bombay to Boston.
11:41That changed my life forever.
11:44Money is the difference between feeling
11:47trapped and having a choice. It's not
11:50about wanting more, it's about needing
11:52less.
11:53So then,
11:55why do people keep saying money can't
11:57buy happiness? Because that's true, too.
12:00In a way. We all know people who have
12:02plenty of money
12:03and they're still miserable. But that
12:06doesn't mean money did nothing for them.
12:09It just means that something else is
12:11still missing in their lives. Ask a key
12:13question. What do you want the money to
12:16change?
12:17If the answer is debt or safety or
12:21freedom or time with your loved ones,
12:24then yes, money can be very good at
12:27that.
12:28But if you feel like you need more money
12:30so you can buy a fancy car, for example,
12:33just remember what the Beatles said.
12:36Money can't buy you love.
12:39And by the way, you can find this video
12:41podcast also on Spotify now. You can
12:43watch it or you can listen to it on your
12:46commute or your walk. So, I'll see you
12:48there, too. Now, speaking of love, let's
12:51go to our next pointless advice.
12:53>> Some proven techniques to attract your
12:56soulmate.
12:56>> There's your soulmate.
12:57>> Find your soulmate.
12:58>> You can always find the right person.
13:01But that does not mean you'll learn how
13:03to love them.
13:06A soulmate
13:08is easy to dream about, but a roommate
13:11is very hard to deal with. And all
13:13soulmates have to eventually become your
13:15roommates.
13:17I remember when I met the woman who
13:21I fell in love with, we spent [music]
13:23years together before getting married.
13:26And we used to work on how to handle
13:29[music]
13:30disagreements.
13:32A couple can learn a lot about a
13:34relationship
13:36from how they repair it. And she was
13:39better at all of it than I was.
13:43Today, she's still my best friend.
13:46And also, still my wife, by the way.
13:49Just to be clear. But your partner,
13:52whether you found them at the soulmate
13:55store or not, cannot read your mind.
13:59They won't always know when you need
14:01your space
14:03and when you need a hug.
14:05They won't know when you want a solution
14:08and when you just [music] need to talk.
14:10They'll get it wrong, and so will you.
14:14That doesn't automatically mean you
14:16chose [music] the wrong person.
14:19That's the missing half. If you go
14:21looking for someone who's able to check
14:23every single box on your long list,
14:26[music] who would never argue with you,
14:28and would love you unconditionally
14:31forever, well, that person does not
14:33exist.
14:35Choose someone who'll help you become a
14:37better human being.
14:39And pay attention to what they're
14:41becoming, [music] too.
14:42Because both of you are changing every
14:44day.
14:46Now, the last piece of advice might be
14:49the hardest one to let go of.
14:51>> You are who you are.
14:52>> People don't change cuz you are
14:55>> who you are.
14:55>> We all change so much. What makes you
14:58think we're done?
15:00I was a homeless teen, a monk in
15:03training, a world-traveling musician. I
15:06was a mathematician, went to MIT, became
15:09an investment banker on Wall Street, a
15:11CEO. Now I'm a board member, investor,
15:15mentor, and I'm still adjusting to this,
15:19this new creator version of me. Now,
15:22which of those identities felt like it
15:26was me?
15:27All of them and none of them. Every
15:31version of you
15:32feels permanent from the inside until it
15:36changes. There was a study published in
15:39Nature Medicine in 2021 and it showed
15:43that every second
15:45roughly 4 million cells in your body die
15:50and are replaced.
15:51And you don't feel a thing.
15:54But it's always and it is forever
15:57morphing. And in today's day and age
16:01that idea of morphing identity
16:05matters more than ever because AI
16:09is changing the very idea of our work,
16:13our worth, how we think, how we learn,
16:16create, communicate, and even who we
16:19turn to when we're lonely and confused.
16:22Pew Research found that one in five
16:26American adults under 30
16:28already use AI chatbots for emotional
16:31support and companionship. This is not
16:34some software upgrade happening outside
16:37of us.
16:38The arrival of AI means that we're asked
16:42to constantly upgrade our internal
16:45software.
16:47The one that lives right here.
16:49There is an old story about a traveler
16:53who reaches a dangerous river and he
16:57wants to cross it. So, he builds a
16:59[music] raft all by himself and he
17:02crosses the river.
17:04Then he's about to walk away and he
17:06looks back at the raft and he thinks,
17:08man, this raft was so incredibly useful
17:11to me.
17:12>> [music]
17:12>> So, he lifts it onto his shoulders
17:15and starts walking.
17:17But the very thing that helped him
17:19before
17:21now makes the rest of his journey way
17:23harder.
17:24And that's what we do with our own past.
17:27We [music]
17:28cling to it.
17:30We keep carrying what once carried us.
17:35Sure, you can be
17:37grateful for your past.
17:40But it's not a weight that you have
17:41[music] to carry.
17:43You can put it down.
17:45Because you don't know all the people
17:48you are capable of becoming.
17:51Thank you.
17:53And I love you.

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