YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → I'm Not Leaving - Carl Wilkens

I'm Not Leaving - Carl Wilkens — Transcript

by Truth - tube · 17,171 words · 2,334 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:06carl travels around the united states
0:10bringing an awareness of the struggles
0:13but people have faced and are facing in
0:16different parts of this broken world
0:18today on and supporting machine lice as
0:22children are introduced to things they
0:25were never meant to know about our
0:28experience things like the Holocaust and
0:33horrendous struggles including genocide
0:36so thank you Carl for sharing with us
0:39this morning
0:44couple of things I feel better than I
0:47sound okay so don't feel bad for me all
0:50the time here that you hear this guy
0:52kind of croak and up front here I do
0:54feel better than I sound it's also hard
0:57I don't want to spread germs so
0:59afterwards I'm not going to shake hands
1:00which is really an Adventist unsub at an
1:06American but some of you understand that
1:09the spread of germs one more thing - if
1:14I noticed in the bulletin if you do
1:17choose to come this afternoon there was
1:21it's good I'm glad somebody put
1:22something in the bulletin at the film is
1:2540 minutes long and some news footage
1:28that has some graphic imagery is in the
1:31first eight minutes so if somebody
1:34wanted to come with younger group or
1:35something and wanted to come just a few
1:37minutes late then the rest of the film
1:40is quite family-friendly and had I
1:44really been thinking I would have
1:45grabbed the other version that we use
1:47for the lower grades but I don't have
1:49that version with me today so the first
1:50eight minutes do have some news news
1:53footage things it's yeah we'll talk more
1:55about that this afternoon but I am
1:58really happy to be with you this morning
2:01I'm happy to be here with Teresa by my
2:05calculation it was about 20 years ago do
2:10any of you remember Sandpoint church
2:12pastor Shawn there are a few of you that
2:15remember the
2:17and so I drove up this morning and I
2:21said Oh looks like something's happening
2:23over there at the church actually when I
2:25drove up this morning I saw the cars
2:27along the road and I'm like whoa what a
2:29turnout and so it is good good to be
2:37with you this morning to share these
2:40stories these stories that
2:43yeah the 25 it's actually 25 years ago
2:47now that the genocide happened in Rwanda
2:51but I get to go back every year
2:54sometimes a couple times a year this
2:56year it's actually five times each time
2:59I go back there's new stories and new
3:01lessons and so we will share some of
3:041994 this morning and we'll share some
3:08of last week actually will probably be
3:12about a month ago this story will be
3:14about a month old but before we go any
3:17further I'd like to just pray again with
3:19you Father thank you for so many things
3:24thank you for being our Shepherd thank
3:28you for giving us health thank you for
3:32the Sabbath we think about how we
3:37prepare special things for those we love
3:39and then we stop and think wow every day
3:44every minute but then especially to
3:46every Sabbath you prepare for us all
3:51kinds of gifts and provisions and what
3:55we what we sometimes have no idea that
3:58we need but you know and so we really
4:01ask you to to help us open our hearts
4:04wide to you this morning might your
4:07spirit who has been working in our
4:11hearts and lives just be more than
4:15welcome this morning we want to hear
4:18what you have and and we believe that
4:20through these stories you do have tools
4:25strategies
4:27and probably most important hope so we
4:31pray with confidence in Jesus name Amen
4:35I don't want going from the microphone
4:40can you hear me that that water bottle
4:41there please
4:42thanks from the speaker that is I guess
4:45ok that went off I forgot to turn my
4:48phone so it doesn't go to sleep on us so
4:52thanks for your patience if that happens
4:54again somebody pointed out to me as I
5:02said earlier this is the 25th
5:03commemoration of the Rwandan genocide
5:06against the truth see people I had the
5:09opportunity to go back in April when
5:11they celebrate no not celebrated when
5:14they honored that time oh yeah I was
5:17gonna move those teachings good man
5:19thank you I was gonna say because I
5:22remember when I was sitting there I had
5:24a little hard time so I thank you it's
5:27called proactive I love it huh we could
5:30have just sat there the whole time I
5:31said why didn't somebody move that but
5:34you stood up this eat does he work here
5:38yeah mmm local way buddy I think this
5:44one - are we clear yeah he who began a
5:54good work and it is it's an honor to go
6:01back to Rwanda but many of the trips
6:04back to Rwanda are they're beautiful and
6:07they're horrible they're hilarious and
6:11they're horrendous the first time when I
6:14went back to Rwanda after the genocide
6:16mm-hmm
6:17there were just reminders all over the
6:19place of the horrors that took place you
6:21know how in three months can a country
6:24that I've heard as low as 80% and I've
6:29heard as high as 95% of the people were
6:33going to church on the weekends in fact
6:36last Sabbath in Rwanda I was there last
6:41Sabbath in the National Stadium and we
6:44had we had around 40,000 Adventists in
6:49the National Stadium in Rwanda last
6:52Sabbath they were celebrating and this
6:55is an interesting one and they actually
6:57addressed it they were celebrating a
6:59hundred years in Rwanda which on one
7:03hand people say praise God on the other
7:04hand people say why are we still here
7:06and and so it's a it's a mixed bag
7:09always but but Rwanda the Adventist
7:15Church is the second largest church in
7:16the country the Catholic Church by far
7:18back in 94 they were probably around 7
7:23million people maybe about 5 million
7:25would be Catholic and then about 300,000
7:29were seventh-day Adventists and then
7:32other churches followed you know down
7:34there but but point being irregardless
7:37of denomination 90 eighty ninety five
7:40percent of people are in church every
7:41weekend how do you get them and I don't
7:46say this lightly and I don't say it as a
7:48sensationalist I said
7:51respectfully and honestly as I can how
7:55do you convince them to kill their
7:58brother how in three months do you take
8:05the lives of a million men women and
8:10children families grandmas babies how is
8:13that possible
8:15there were people planning it it was
8:17politically driven yes they did use
8:19ethnic ten ethnic divisions every
8:22country has its problems and its
8:24divisions excuse me but this is not a
8:28story of one tribe hating another tribe
8:31because more than hating each other they
8:34loved each other they married each other
8:36by the thousands and so this isn't a
8:39story of one group that hates another
8:41this is the story of political turmoil
8:44political manipulation and they said you
8:48know what we can't do it with the
8:49foreigners here I don't think I think
8:51that's gonna be a problem the planners
8:53of the genocide I think it'll be a
8:54problem we got 2,500 UN soldiers here I
8:59think that's going to be a problem and
9:02so part of their strategy was and they
9:06did they they murdered ten Belgian
9:08peacekeepers and so horrified the
9:11international community that the UN
9:13soldiers left and nearly all of the
9:15foreign community left but they didn't
9:19seem from my I was there throughout they
9:23didn't seem to have a fear about the
9:27church getting in their way in fact they
9:31had strategies to utilize the structure
9:35and the influence of the church to
9:41accomplish their their mission we'll go
9:45into some of those a little more this
9:46afternoon if you if you do you know
9:48would like to come back but um I just
9:53want to I just want to be mindful of our
9:55time - okay there's a clock so like I
9:58didn't even ask anybody up
10:00twelve O'Clock that works all you kids I
10:04was so neat to see like fifty of you and
10:05I'm like oh man forget the adults I want
10:07to just well we're gonna try to make
10:10this kid-friendly okay cuz I remember I
10:12love Sabbath school and didn't love the
10:14other part as much and so I'm gonna do
10:16my best to make this this kid-friendly
10:19um actually Rwanda has changed so much I
10:22I always tell people don't ride the
10:26motorcycle taxis you know it's one of
10:28these stories of do as I say not as I do
10:31and as I'm looking at my phone right now
10:33I realized that I had stuff on the cloud
10:35and I'm not really connected to the
10:36cloud but we're connected above the
10:38clouds hopefully and so I I yeah we
10:43probably won't see me riding around them
10:44which is good don't ride the motorcycle
10:46too but but it's just so different today
10:4825 years later people come and they
10:51cannot believe how fast the economy has
10:53grown well even the church work you know
10:56I say as I mentioned back here 25 years
10:58ago 300,000 seventh-day adventists
11:01by December they estimate they will
11:04reach 1 million in this tiny country
11:07Rwanda is tiny hey I know I'm over here
11:10and am I here yeah I'm here in Idaho if
11:13you go from Canada to Spokane to Grand
11:16Coulee to Canada that little corner of
11:18Washington State that's the size of
11:20Rwanda okay so it's the most densely
11:24populated country in Africa and and and
11:27and you can imagine in that tiny little
11:28I think our our our Union here in North
11:31Pacific Union conference I don't know
11:33last time I checked I don't think we'd
11:35reached 100 maybe we've reached a
11:36hundred thousand eighty thousand maybe
11:39under that's the big huh Oregon
11:41Washington Idaho
11:42you know Alaska this is a tiny little
11:45square it's gonna reach him anyway
11:49it is it is changing faster than anybody
11:54can really believe will jump back here
11:57to 1990 yeah make sure we're all on the
12:00screen they're funny I'm stuck with one
12:02of you how you know we all have this age
12:04in our head and we don't believe you
12:06know like I think I'm still somewhere
12:08okay I'm not my 20s but I am in my 30s
12:10probably and this picture really was we
12:14moved Theresa and I first went to Africa
12:19right out of college Walla Walla worked
12:21in Zimbabwe Zambia came back and then we
12:24moved to Rwanda in the spring of 1990 I
12:29love these old pictures I was doing
12:34addre working there building schools
12:37operating clinics super rewarding work
12:39our kids were just loving the
12:41neighborhood we still call Lisa the Baby
12:43Whisperer
12:44she's always grabbed in the little
12:46babies around Sean he's always out there
12:49you know having fun with the kids in the
12:52neighborhood we're there for four years
12:54before this horrible thing happens
12:56called genocide a plane carrying the
13:00president will be shot down they the
13:02planners will use that to launch this
13:05terrible terrible thing and I usually
13:09work with a very basic definition I get
13:12I get to about 70 70 high schools every
13:15year about 30 30 40 universities and and
13:17we try to we try to understand this not
13:20in technical terms but in real life
13:22terms
13:23genocide stems from thinking that says
13:26my I hate to even I don't know how many
13:29times I've said this and every time I
13:31hate to finish the sentence
13:33it stems from thinking that says my
13:36world would be better without you in it
13:38and the reason I hate to finish that
13:42sentence is because because sometimes I
13:45think that I don't want to kill anybody
13:47but sometimes I think if I didn't have
13:49to deal with this and when we and we're
13:51going to solve a problem by exclusion
13:53it's going to be temporary
13:55best and it'll be genocide at worst and
13:59so we're working to shift this with one
14:02group of kids we we crossed out genocide
14:04and we said kindness stems from thinking
14:07that says our world would be better with
14:11you in it that's the mind shift that
14:14we're moving from and and this morning
14:16we'll talk a little bit about some brain
14:18pathways too because I'm pretty excited
14:19about about some of that stuff but let's
14:23just jump right in it's Wednesday night
14:25the plane crash happens okay
14:28and we hear gunfire within an hour in
14:32our neighborhood we were just about
14:36about four or five miles from the
14:40airport we heard the explosion we told
14:44the kids come sleep in the hallway we
14:46can't risk being near them you know it's
14:47what you want to do when you hear noise
14:49outside you want to go to the window no
14:50guys get away from the window come sleep
14:52in the hallway Thursday night
14:55unbeknownst to us a gang comes to our
14:57house with clubs and machetes and our
15:00neighbor ladies this is a little sketch
15:03from the film that's later this
15:04afternoon our neighbor ladies stand in
15:07front of the gate they somehow get
15:09between these guys with clubs and
15:10machetes and our gate and they go no you
15:13can't go in there
15:14they're kids play with our kids they
15:17start telling them stories it was a
15:21couple of years ago on the way up to
15:22Priest Lake Teresa and I am nights
15:24listening to a podcast called the
15:25neuroscience of happiness and this guy
15:28John Hanson he got me into this thing
15:30that they call you know neural pathways
15:34he talks about fire to rewire this was
15:38one of our neighbor ladies who was
15:40standing there telling stories and and
15:43this is kind of my little science class
15:45here for the moment okay some of you
15:47remember maybe from science class we
15:49form these pathways we formed them you
15:51know like seven times seven is
15:55forty-nine good deal good deal okay
15:58let's get all our 12 times 12 144 18
16:02times 18 we didn't do it we didn't we
16:06don't have a path like that and I tell
16:08you 324 and you might double check on
16:11your phone and you find out oh we're
16:13forming a new pathway and they tell us
16:16that every time we fire that pathway 18
16:19times 18 is 324 that the coding on the
16:24outside of that pathway gets slicker and
16:27faster it comes more quickly you learn
16:30directions to school you learn the
16:31keyboard the chord pattern on the piano
16:34all this different stuff these pathways
16:36form in our brains and and I don't know
16:40how they were shaping the pathways of
16:42the people who were standing there with
16:44clubs well ok I do know one of the ways
16:46they were shaping the pathways let's see
16:49if we go back here to this picture of
16:51the guys with the clubs and machetes
16:53they had a radio station in the country
16:55the government one was pretty trusted by
16:58people a couple years before the
17:00genocide businessmen and politicians
17:03started their own radio station and
17:05their radio station was against the
17:08other happened to be the Tutsi here and
17:11it's like they were sending metaphorical
17:14bricks through the airwaves and on each
17:16of those bricks if you caught it it had
17:19a message against the Tutsi against your
17:22neighbor you had a choice what you could
17:25do with that brick you could start to
17:27build a wall between them and yourself
17:30or you could discard that and say that's
17:32not true
17:33but many people started to build walls
17:37and it's really easy to build walls in
17:39times of fear it's like fear is a super
17:42powerful mortar that sticks those bricks
17:44together
17:45there and these ladies came out telling
17:49stories about our family our kids taken
17:51so into the hospital in the middle of
17:53the night and they were like busting
17:56through the wall and those men other
18:00pathways were fired in their brain when
18:02they heard that story from the ladies
18:04and they they turned and went away input
18:10thinking feeling action they heard the
18:15story the power of stories Jesus knew
18:18that's why he's always in the stories
18:19how is this woman she I don't know
18:21there's this guy and there's this
18:22Shepherd and stories were story people
18:24that's how we think we think and stories
18:26we get a little tiny couple pieces we
18:29build a whole story around it sorry I'd
18:32love I love stories if you want
18:33something to go home you got to wrap it
18:34in a story so but it does take time huh
18:37so the storytellers goes long okay so
18:43please pardon me I'm Don Lee my water
18:45bottle you know when you take the
18:47decongestant and it dries out your mouth
18:54okay
18:55Thursday night the neighbor ladies turn
18:58the guys aside and I'll be I'll be kind
19:01of referring as I'm telling these
19:02stories to neural pathways and I kind of
19:04do this a lot okay it's not about my
19:06hair or anything it's about pathways
19:08pathways because I think so much of how
19:11people go from being generous the people
19:14in Rwanda super generous give you the
19:16shirt off their back to be murderers and
19:19then is it possible you can't go back is
19:23it possible to be generous again and so
19:30we'll get into some of those questions
19:32here the kumkum thirsty the American
19:39Embassy is saying don't go we're not
19:41going to evacuate the rebels will take
19:43over the town in a couple of days come
19:45Friday they're saying no no we're all
19:47out of here I was the one that used to
19:49go to embassy I connected with you
19:50Adventist missionaries and the embassy
19:52so I said guys you know if you're by the
19:54ambassador's home go there if you
19:56near the international school go there
19:58we had all the assembly points
19:59identified I was talking on the radio to
20:03Laura
20:04some of you who may know this story a
20:06little better and you want to dig deeper
20:07she did a TED talk a couple years ago
20:09you just look up this Laura lein TED
20:11talk it's about when not to obey orders
20:13this lady who's gonna be super
20:15conflicted because Washington DC is
20:17gonna be telling her one thing and her
20:20heart is gonna be telling her another
20:21thing and I'll be talking on the radio
20:24and I said Laura we're sending the
20:26people from the dental compound to the
20:28ambassador's home over and she goes good
20:31copy and I'm sending my wife and
20:33children to the ambassador's home over
20:35and she comes back and says what do you
20:37mean you're sending them we're all
20:39leaving over and I go no I'm not leaving
20:42over you don't have a choice
20:46everybody's leaving over as a private
20:50American citizen I do have a choice and
20:53I'm not leaving over she was 26 at the
20:58time huh I was 34 it's it's amazing when
21:03I've looked back at some of the people
21:05throughout the genocide some of the
21:06planners and some of the people who who
21:08a man I'm gonna introduce you to a
21:10little later in charge of an orphanage
21:12that's going to protect hundreds of
21:14people I think he was about 32 at the
21:16time of the genocide Laura she's
21:19scrambling here when I'm telling her I'm
21:21not leaving she says okay then I need
21:23you to sign on a piece of paper that
21:26you've refused the help of the American
21:28government to leave Rwanda over and so I
21:33don't I don't tell you that as if it's
21:36some sort of brave heroic thing or
21:38anything you see what's going on in our
21:40house is um okay that went back to sleep
21:44on us we're gonna get this win there we
21:49go
21:50that's my mom and dad some of you
21:52probably know my mom and dad dad was the
21:54treasurer here upper Columbia Conference
21:56back in the 70s we moved here in 75 and
22:01some of you and they've been back in
22:04South Hill for a long time but it's
22:06funny when I look at that picture dad's
22:07my
22:08dad's age we're the same age him in the
22:11picture and me here today I look back at
22:14this story and I think to myself oh man
22:16I'm so glad I wasn't in dad's position
22:20Theresa and I you see the American
22:23Embassy had said get your family sure
22:28bring the kids bring Grandma and Grandpa
22:31but don't bring any Rwandan s-- we're
22:36driving out of here to Burundi we'll be
22:39in a convoy if we have any Rwandan in
22:41the vehicle it will be problem for
22:43everyone no we don't care which tribe no
22:46Rwandan well our family had kind of
22:50grown we moved to Rwanda with our three
22:52kids but this young lady came to live
22:55and work in our home and she loved our
22:58kids and our kids loved her and you know
23:00when somebody loves your kids that's big
23:02money in the back this young man came in
23:04the evening is the watchman both of them
23:07had to see ID cards now I've gone really
23:09skimpy on on background with you this
23:12morning because they're trying to cover
23:13a lot of stories here but in Rwanda
23:15there was this the ID card and there you
23:18can see Hutu is crossed out and Tutsi is
23:21not tois the other small group is
23:24crossed out and naturalized this crossed
23:27out so this person that ID card will
23:30mark them as the enemy and they were
23:36trying to annihilate the enemy and so
23:39this young lady in this young man their
23:41ID card said Tutsi so Theresa and I we
23:44went in the bedroom we I sometimes when
23:50I'm telling her I invite Tracey to come
23:52up and then I start bawling and I'm like
23:54okay don't invite her up but I think I
23:58can do it this morning maybe I can one
24:04of the things that's so hard in making
24:07hard decisions is when we think we're
24:09going to be alone
24:111+1 in hard decisions is not to 1+1 in
24:18hard decisions might be the difference
24:19between life and death
24:22sometimes we don't know what to say we
24:25don't know what to do and so we thank
24:28you and so we so we stay away who has
24:32realized that times we're not called to
24:34say we're not called to do were called
24:36to be be present truths and I went in
24:40the bedroom walked down the hallway in
24:43the bedroom closed the door stood next
24:46to our bed stood face-to-face you know
24:50you got heels and I'm barefoot and we
24:55were praying and we're talking how are
24:59we gonna leave this young lady and this
25:02young man for sure they'll be killed and
25:08and I'm not going to say that we heard
25:12this voice I do believe something
25:17supernatural was going on though as we
25:20were praying because God gave us a sense
25:25of peace that if I stayed
25:29I forgot I hadn't even got to that part
25:31of the story some of you might be
25:32wondering what difference will that make
25:34well in Rwanda they gave foreigners huge
25:39privilege not even I won't
25:44I won't go into deserved or undeserved
25:46and although there's a lot to talk about
25:47there but the fact is they gave huge
25:49privilege maybe I could use that
25:51privilege in this situation and Teresa
25:55got that too in fact is that that's
25:59probably working no it's all right I
26:03asked you once you know about peace
26:05would you talk for a minute about peace
26:11[Music]
26:21he's I guess I came to me afterwards it
26:23didn't come to me at the time but there
26:25was enough peace that we could just
26:28start taking one step at a time and
26:31doing what we felt God was leaving us to
26:34do and in our case it was for me to take
26:37our children out with the convoy to a
26:40place where it would be safer and we
26:44both I love that part about enough peace
26:56you know it's not like boatloads I mean
27:00there are times you know my cup runneth
27:02over but unless I forget the young lady
27:08did survive with this story in fact here
27:11is last summer I was there she's with
27:14her husband and her two handsome sons
27:17actually we don't I brought this video
27:19but we don't have sound hooked up yet
27:21this morning I just
27:23she's like an auntie to our kids and she
27:26was making a video and our daughter Lisa
27:29was going to get married and a couple of
27:31it wasn't this last summer and she's
27:34giving all these wet well wishes most of
27:37her family was killed you see so many
27:41people in Rwanda they all have a story
27:43this last week when I was there we were
27:47working with a real estate broker and
27:49this young lady was one at the time of
27:52the genocide and her father had been
27:54studying at the Adventist you know I
27:56didn't even know she had Adventist
27:58connections but in Rwanda there's a lot
28:00of Adventists her father was studying at
28:02the University and he had been killed a
28:05pastor at the time of the genocide
28:07everybody in Rwanda has story everybody
28:09is touched either by those who did the
28:12killing
28:12or those who were killed but you don't
28:15know when you look at her and her smile
28:17you have you have no idea the different
28:20things that that they've been through
28:23but Theresa um we both had this sense of
28:26peace
28:27and I'm gonna step back did you okay and
28:31we didn't really know how long or how
28:34bad we did we didn't I don't even know
28:37if we knew at that time that the UN
28:38soldiers were all leaving most of them
28:40of the 2500 about 270 275 stayed but um
28:46there's a lot of things we didn't know
28:48but what we did know was here was an
28:49opportunity you know as kids we studied
28:52for a long time this story of Esther for
28:54such a time as this but we weren't the
28:57only ones for such a time as this huh
28:59our neighbor ladies standing up and
29:01saying no for such a time as this and as
29:04the story goes on you see others more
29:05and more people for such a time as this
29:08so I'm gonna invite you back I think it
29:11a little bit later but we'll just lay
29:13that one down for a minute thank you
29:14darlin okay I was not alone in the house
29:35as you know the young lady and the young
29:37man were there but I also had a pastor
29:40and his wife their ID card said who - so
29:43they were not marked to be killed but
29:46none of us thought this was gonna be
29:47long we thought maybe two weeks I said
29:49pastor come to my house I'm so glad I
29:52invited them there last summer we went
29:56out no that was April we went out to a
29:58church
29:59they're retired now in Rwanda a
30:02beautiful blue dress I call her MA often
30:05she was coming down the stairs that
30:07Sabbath morning in April and and I said
30:11ma that blue blue dress that's beautiful
30:15you you're like the morning sunrise I
30:17said you look you look like the morning
30:19sunrise and she smiled and she said
30:21that's because I am
30:27and you know how some people when the
30:33longer they've been married kind of the
30:35less they appreciate the other's humor
30:39he is like her biggest fan I mean she is
30:44hilarious and he loves it she would talk
30:49when the killers would come to the gate
30:52there we go that'll be better sorry guys
30:55I just figured that out when the killers
30:57would come to the gate she'd be the
30:59first one to go down and greet him talk
31:01to him like a mom like an auntie to
31:03deescalate the situation he was this
31:06deep well of wisdom
31:13there's something about people's faces
31:15huh he was this deep well of wisdom
31:20advice counsel for the first three weeks
31:23couldn't leave the house it was 24/7
31:25curfew the only ones out were the ones
31:27doing the terrible things on the streets
31:29and then at about the three weak point
31:32the government made an announcement if
31:34you have a good reason to be out come to
31:38the government headquarters we'll give
31:39you a travel permit so the pastor and I
31:42left the house that morning with one of
31:45my address coworkers and we went to meet
31:49I'm just I want to adjust our time frame
31:52and our stories okay and we met this man
31:56the colonel who is in charge of the city
31:58he will later be hunted down arrested
32:00and tried and put in prison for life for
32:03his role in the genocide but he is also
32:06going to become one of my most powerful
32:07allies during the genocide the potential
32:11I know you know usually we think about
32:13allies people who think like us you know
32:15often people who look like I speak like
32:17I said stuff like that this story turned
32:20that all this experience turned that all
32:21up upside down for me that the phrase a
32:24new pathway in my brain finding allies
32:27among
32:29enemy brand-new pathway for me some of
32:32the most powerful allies during this
32:34time he'll give me a travel permit he'll
32:36actually tell me oh you know what
32:38there's an orphanage that you can help
32:39and and I'll send you with my social
32:42affairs man and I'll go through you have
32:44to go through these horrible roadblocks
32:46I'll spare the details of those and I'm
32:49I I get to the most densely populated
32:52part of the city to an orphanage run by
32:55this man de mas de Simba de masas ID
33:00card said who to his wife said to see
33:02okay I want to make a big deal of this
33:03this is not one group who hates another
33:06group they loved each other more than
33:07they hate it but then you're like well
33:08then how do you get them to do it
33:10fear discrimination bigotry these are
33:15all pathways serious pathways in our in
33:18our brain he'll have 80 kids at the
33:20beginning by the time the genocides over
33:22he'll have more than 400 kids and I'll
33:25cut this part short because I want to
33:27get to one more story before we close
33:29here but basically I'll be working with
33:32two of my address colleagues Dawson
33:35right here again a man Linda who to ID
33:38card a wife with a Tutsi ID card and gas
33:41ekwa same situation to a German who will
33:45help me to bring food and water
33:48I can't skip over in case some of you
33:50don't come this afternoon gas ekwa he's
33:53helping me but he's also leaving his
33:55wife and nearly 40 people in his house
33:58to help me bring food and water back
34:03from there we go to help me bring food
34:06and water to these groups of orphans
34:09around the city one day they come to his
34:12house these guys with their clubs and
34:14machetes he sees them at the gate he
34:16notices them hesitating he actually
34:19takes the initiative and he calls one
34:21I'm gonna call the guy with this Fight
34:23Club I'm gonna call him Bernard I don't
34:25know his name but good sequen knew his
34:26name they're his neighbors Bernard yeah
34:32Bernard your daughter's must be hungry
34:35hey these are hard times why don't you
34:38take them some chickens
34:41everybody knew what was about to happen
34:44these two men were leading a gang to
34:47kill the people in his house and he
34:50comes out with kindness
34:52and maybe the night before Bernard had
34:56been putting his daughters to bed in had
34:58and they were hungry daddy I'm hungry I
35:00know sweetie you see because these are
35:03father's it's easy for me to look at
35:05them and say they're killers but they're
35:07also fathers and their sons and their
35:09brothers and again and again he turned
35:13people away with kindness
35:16we will bring water to the orphanage I'm
35:20going to yeah let's skip through this
35:23story because we can we can touch on
35:25that one later and it's not going to
35:27connect to the last story three months
35:32and it's over the rebel soldiers are the
35:37ones who drive the extremists out of the
35:40power and out of the country
35:42I'm reunited with Teresa and the family
35:45and Nairobi we come back here at home to
35:49Spokane we're here for about seven
35:52months before where the church feels
35:54comfortable to let us go back we worked
35:55there for about a year and a half and we
35:59finished our six year commitment in
36:00Rwanda in September 96 we moved to Milo
36:04Adventist Academy we worked there for 11
36:07years wonderful experience during that
36:10time PBS Frontline comes out with a
36:13documentary called Ghost of Rwanda that
36:16was in 2004 since I was there they asked
36:19me as one of the people interviewed when
36:22teachers around literally around the
36:24world started using that documentary to
36:26teach about what happened in Rwanda they
36:29saw this American in there and they
36:30started contacting me and would you come
36:33talk to my students and so long story
36:35short for the last 11 years full-time
36:37been traveling around I get to go back
36:40not only traveling to schools in the
36:42summer but I get to go back I mean in
36:44the school year but in the summer I get
36:46to go back this last summer I was back
36:48there with two groups one group or
36:52from Chicago this girl's letter okay I
36:55got it we got to read this in traveling
36:58around to the schools I I made tapes to
37:02Theresa and the kids during the genocide
37:04at about the two-week point I quit
37:06arguing with God I said okay God if I
37:08don't survive I want to leave something
37:10for Theresa so I started making cassette
37:12tapes by the time it's over I've got
37:14about eight hours of stories finally put
37:17them into a book and when I'm at a high
37:18school like this
37:20I'll make the book available to kids for
37:22just to any donation a dollar if I don't
37:24whatever they want to give so this girl
37:26wrote to me actually it's a year ago
37:28hi Carla I actually don't know if you
37:30directly receive these emails but if you
37:32do if you're reading this I want to well
37:34I want to say a lot of things so here
37:36goes when I was in middle school about
37:39five years ago you came and talked at my
37:41school Karsten middle school I remember
37:44afterwards drafted an email to you then
37:46because I was so moved by your story she
37:50went on with the letter she says I into
37:53the book expecting a clear distinction
37:55of good and bad and maybe a few
37:58stragglers in between but it seems to me
38:01that many of these people were lost in
38:03the middle ground she went on in her
38:06letter your story reminded me that we
38:09can't look at each other as one thing
38:11because when we do it only strengthens
38:15that one thing and weakens all the other
38:19qualities when I'm reading this letter
38:21and I'm like whoa hold this this kid we
38:25can't look at each other as only one
38:28thing oh I stuck this one in here I yeah
38:32that's Kenya Rwanda sorry got a little
38:34confused here when we do it only
38:37strengthens that one thing and it
38:40weakens yeah the other qualities as I
38:44read her letter I was like wait a minute
38:46I don't want to be guilty of [ __ ] you
38:50know the people in the stories every
38:52time I put the picture on the screen I
38:53talked about them as killers I see that
38:57one thing hold on to the one thing for a
39:02moment June I'm with these kids
39:05from Chicago southwest side of Chicago
39:09gang gun violence neighborhoods they
39:11were study in peace they want to go to
39:12Rwanda and learn about peace building in
39:15Rwanda we have an incredible two weeks
39:17together in Rwanda there's so many so
39:20many stories I could tell you that they
39:22see to learn that Rwanda is more than
39:24just genocide and to learn how are the
39:27people beginning to trust each other
39:28again but the one story that I want to
39:31wrap with you this morning of wrap up
39:33here is we go to a village there were
39:37people in the government in the country
39:38that were in in desperate need of
39:40housing after the genocide the
39:43government says you can make the adobe
39:45bricks you know you can do a lot of the
39:47work will supply the roofing sheets but
39:50here's the deal we're going to have in
39:53the same community people who survived
39:55and people who've been released from
39:57prison for their role in the genocide so
40:02we come here to this reconciliation
40:03village and were introduced to Philbert
40:08who is 19 at the time of the genocide
40:11and he was involved in killing and we're
40:18also going to meet Maria who survived
40:22with her daughter Philbert was part of
40:28the gang that not only killed Maria's
40:30husband and her sons and he said if they
40:35would have found her and her daughters
40:36they would have killed her too now this
40:40is beginning to leave the realm of
40:42reality and become surreal like no no no
40:45not possible
40:47and I even hesitate when I tell a story
40:49like this in a few minutes
40:50because we're talking about years here
40:53we're not talking about minutes when
40:55they were doing the building he said I
40:57tried to go the long way to the water
40:59point to haul water back where we're
41:01making the bricks just so I wouldn't
41:02have to face her but that soon got old
41:05and then I would try just not to meet
41:08her eyes but then I that was wrong and I
41:11would greet her and she wouldn't greet
41:12me back and this process went on over
41:15years until Maria
41:19you look at Maria's face huh this lady
41:23is free 25 years later she is so free
41:30she said my my daughter's it was even
41:33harder for my daughters than for me when
41:36filbert would come sometimes and knock
41:37on the door they'd opened the door
41:38slamming right in his face and many
41:41people would say filbert leave them
41:42alone haven't you done enough but that's
41:47not Maria talking that's other people
41:50you see forgiveness I'm beginning to
41:54understand I don't it's it's a hard
41:56thing too we all it means so many
41:58different things to so many different
41:59people I try to just zero down to two
42:02things anger and resentment and Maria is
42:06working to get free of anger and
42:09resentment he will bring water to her
42:12Cal he will plant in her fields this is
42:15years okay I can't say that enough this
42:16is years because I do not want to
42:18minimize or trivialize what seems
42:22impossible
42:23when Maria as her daughter grows up and
42:27at her daughter's wedding she invites
42:30filbert to the wedding but that's not
42:34Maria's not done with inviting filbert
42:38to the wedding
42:38she asked filbert to be the emcee we're
42:44sitting in this very warm little
42:46community center filbert has told his
42:48story I haven't been really impressed
42:50with him telling his story he doesn't
42:52seem remorseful enough to me his clothes
42:54look too nice for me they look nicer
42:56than the other people who survived I
42:58don't really like anything about filbert
43:00I'm amazed that Maria and and and you
43:04know I and after they're done their
43:06stories we can ask questions and these
43:08kids from Chicago are just silent they
43:09don't know where to begin
43:10and and I say you know um filbert Maria
43:13thank you so much for sharing filbert I
43:15asked them a couple questions kind of
43:17pointed questions just trying to pick
43:18his story apart because I don't anyway I
43:20won't go into those details but I I said
43:23to Maria I this is amazing Maria I'm
43:28just trying to put myself in the place
43:30of your family
43:31one question I know you had to have
43:34family who were angry by this huh it's
43:38like if you're going to invite this guy
43:40leave him in the corner don't don't ask
43:44him to be the emcee and she kind of
43:48looks at me smiled leanness and this
43:49translated to her and she's still
43:51smiling and and she goes yeah there were
43:54family members who were not happy and
43:56also later on when he when my daughter
44:00asked him to be the god no no no when he
44:03asked my daughter to be the godmother of
44:05his children some of his family was
44:08unhappy with him and I'm like okay
44:12really I don't want to go in his
44:13direction but Maria why did you do it if
44:18you knew it's gonna make your family
44:19angry why'd you do it and she looks at
44:23me still smiling and she goes because it
44:26was my home and the kids behind me you
44:29know from Chicago it's all about respect
44:32and they're like whoa in fact if you
44:35look here afterwards one of the one of
44:39the Chicago kids could not get enough of
44:43Maria other family is not defining who I
44:47am and my journey in the pathways that I
44:50form it is my home I leave this place
44:57actually looking at this picture and
45:00thinking hmm I could just crop him right
45:04out of the picture serious because I was
45:10really inspired by Maria and he was like
45:14this walking question mark for me and I
45:17came home for a couple weeks before I
45:18was to go back with teachers while I'm
45:21home I'm this I'm watching this series
45:25and this guy talks about he had an
45:27affair and he and his wife chose to
45:29rebuild she chose to rebuild he says it
45:32took him 11 years to rebuild the
45:34relationship and during that process he
45:36said he learned that it's not up to us
45:40to determine the tie
45:42line of someone's healing filbert is
45:45just stewing in the back of my mind and
45:46I'm like okay am i trying to determine
45:49is he really sorry what about his feel
45:51no not even want to talk about his
45:53healing it's the victims healing well
45:55wait a minute what about the perpetrator
45:57what kind of healing do they need what
46:00is this with restorative justice and
46:02then I go back in a couple weeks with 16
46:07teachers this time and we're going back
46:09to the same village we're driving down
46:11there to the community and one a young
46:13man who works with me he'll we're
46:15talking about the really hard questions
46:16that seemed to have no answer and and
46:20qu'il says this from his reading and
46:23stuff he says we don't have to sorry
46:26okay that's that that's yep fast-forward
46:30here I haven't told this story yet
46:31someone still getting this straight in
46:33my head here I mean this is the girl in
46:36the book right we don't have to be
46:38defined by one thing I've been telling
46:40people for a couple years we don't have
46:43to be defined by our worst actions we
46:45can be defined by what we do next
46:47but I realized since I'm coming back to
46:50see Philbert I'm defining him totally by
46:55his actions during the genocide not by
46:58what he did after the genocide then as
47:01we're going down my colleague says in
47:04his reading he's come to the conclusion
47:06that with those hard to answer questions
47:09perhaps more important than the answer
47:12is our stance while asking them our
47:17posture and this one really hits me
47:20between the eyes because my posture as I
47:22was talking to filbert was all about
47:24judgment was all about are you sorry
47:27enough who am I to be the judge
47:30Who am I did to put a timeline on his
47:32healing and will I ever know will I ever
47:35believe it what I have control over is
47:39not his posture but my posture I should
47:43rephrase that by God's grace what I can
47:48have control over
47:50is my posture I went back into that room
47:54a different person I said filbert you
48:01remember I see her a couple weeks ago
48:02and he says yeah you remember the
48:04questions I asked and the other people
48:06in the room were kind of know and they
48:07look and filbert's just looking down at
48:09the ground
48:10I said filbert I'm gonna be honest with
48:12you when I see a couple weeks ago I
48:14didn't think I could trust you I didn't
48:18think you were sorrowful enough in your
48:21posture I I want to apologize because I
48:28was here judging you two weeks ago and
48:30that's not my position to do my posture
48:35was really ugly and that's not who I
48:38want to be he graciously of course takes
48:42my hand shakes my hand Maria is there
48:45watching and I said Maria I have a
48:47question she said no no you a she says
48:49because I had a question for her she
48:51says you and you know this is all
48:53through translators and stuff she says I
48:56understand you said you thought he's
48:58kind of proud I understand she says he
49:02went after the other eight people in the
49:03group who killed my husband and my sons
49:05and he wouldn't stop until they
49:08confessed and they came and apologized
49:10to me I think he's kind of proud of that
49:14and she and she reaches over she reaches
49:20over and she puts her hand on his
49:23shoulder and she says it's wonderful to
49:28be part of making somebody beautiful
49:30again and he is beautiful
49:34and I'm like wow
49:44I'm a - Teresa if she'll play a song
49:47that will close with here I quite a
49:53while ago I wrote a little poem and
49:55often I'd rather just hear who played
49:57the piano but we have a deal and she
49:59says I'll play if you'll read that poem
50:01so so this is going to be our closing
50:05song here then we find the poem you go
50:10ahead I'll find the poem
50:23called it freedom I haven't I haven't
50:29actually read this poem since Maria's
50:31story and so I'll be looking at it
50:33through the eyes of Maria and filbert
50:37[Music]
50:38it's so clear that we've been created
50:41for freedom it's our birthright freedom
50:45to learn freedom to love and be loved
50:48freedom to serve our birthright just
50:53stop and think about your happiest
50:55memories didn't they have something to
50:57do with exploring or learning weren't
51:01they somehow connected to serving
51:03serving without any thought of repayment
51:05serving without any thought of duty or
51:08obligation just the sheer joy of doing
51:11something you could do for someone else
51:14the sheer joy or or maybe that memory is
51:18wrapped in a moment of being loved
51:20unconditionally especially when we know
51:23we don't deserve it
51:24see freedom doesn't mean doing what we
51:28want getting what we want
51:29searching for what we want that that's
51:31how we lose freedom that's how we end up
51:33labeling and trampling each other and
51:36losing sight of the image of God in each
51:39other and tragically eventually trying
51:43to exterminate each other see I believe
51:46freedom is discovered when we encounter
51:48the other or freedom is threatened when
51:51we encounter the other the choices ours
51:54and and who is the other someone far
51:58away someone fascinating
52:07[Music]
52:09someone repulsive someone feared someone
52:13long for who are we the other two do I
52:18see the other as enriching my world or
52:21as spoiling my world you know Maria
52:24credits Philbert for her journey of
52:26forgiveness she gives him credit and I'm
52:29thinking no that's that's her that's all
52:31her but that's not true
52:34it's it is this it's this shared
52:37humanity our destinies are inextricably
52:40linked to the destiny of every other
52:42person I believe here in is my world
52:46safer with the other or what I sleep
52:48better no and the other is far far away
52:50what would happen if I entered the
52:52others world if i sat silently with the
52:54other if I staggered under the huge
52:57emptiness of the others loss if I was
52:59paralyzed by the others fear if I sobbed
53:02with the other if I simply walked with
53:05the other and asked myself why the other
53:07attacks and hides and gives and takes
53:09and screams and is so secretive do I
53:14have the desire the courage will I take
53:17the time to enter the others world you
53:21see I believe that every encounter is an
53:24opportunity and every opportunity
53:26demands a decision freedom is so clear
53:30we've been created for freedom to learn
53:33to love and be loved to serve and I
53:37believe that freedom is discovered when
53:39we encounter the other the choice is
53:43ours
53:48thank you darlin please stand with me
54:05father thank you so much for Maria and
54:13for Philbert and for your Holy Spirit
54:18for your patience your long-suffering
54:23your your tenacity you never give up
54:31thank you for your willingness to work
54:35inside my heart at times I am I am so
54:42inconsistent and judgmental and
54:46hypocritical and you know you don't look
54:50at me with anything but love and a
54:53Nadder a your door me and I can't I can
54:56hardly even say those words at times
54:58except I know that's not a statement
55:00about me that's a statement about you
55:05thank you for the work that you continue
55:08to do all around this planet it is so
55:11easy to be overwhelmed with the tragedy
55:14and the sorrow and the horrors and
55:16they're real and I believe you want us
55:20right in the middle there so that we can
55:23be the salt so that we can be the light
55:25so that we can be your channels instead
55:28of asking why didn't you do something
55:30you empower us to draw the line you
55:34empower us to be those agents of change
55:39and so we well I for one I just think
55:47wow seriously I don't understand why you
55:53continue to work with me but I thank you
55:57that you don't give up and I really do
55:59want to honor you and I have a feeling
56:02that that's the prayer of many who are
56:05right here this morning we want to honor
56:08you we want to ask your forgiveness for
56:11times of hypocrisy and
56:14and laziness and and judgmental
56:17attitudes and we really want you to
56:20continue to do the work that you've
56:22started in us and and we want to be that
56:25light first off in our home and then in
56:29our neighborhood and in our city and in
56:31our country and on this planet that's
56:34our prayer in Jesus name Amen
56:37I think you all are invited for dinner
56:44in the back or lunch thank you
56:52[Music]
56:56you
57:03so I'm on the radio now and I was
57:06telling Laura at the Embassy I'm sending
57:08my wife and family to the American
57:11ambassadors home over she says what do
57:17you mean you're sending them we're all
57:19leading forces and militia were
57:21responsible for the genocide between
57:23half a million and a million people had
57:28the opportunity because he had an
57:29American passport in his hand to leave
57:32the country and find safety and instead
57:35he was choosing to stay and let the
57:37people that he loved the most in this
57:39world
57:40go on over land without electricity went
57:47off yesterday and that seems too close I
57:54was thinking okay I stayed to hopefully
57:57save the lives of these two people but
57:59there's got to be more so he told me the
58:02Kansas City India he wants to know to
58:05put awake it was a network of thieves
58:07and killers who helped me to supply the
58:09orphanage
58:11we didn't know to the extent of how bad
58:14things are gonna be he went through the
58:16worst area so talented be surrounded by
58:18craved people with death in their eyes
58:21all sorts of hideous weapons most of our
58:23paperwork we just absolutely astounded
58:27it what's fearless so real especially
58:29the first days you don't want to die you
58:30love your wife love your kids go ahead
58:45women that boy what a world of
58:49difference we could've made this is all
58:51just so unreal like watch then and still
58:53am humble lucky is the person like me
58:56who had somebody like Theresa standing
58:59next to me making that choice together
59:02[Music]
59:18[Applause]
59:19I was just saying to Teresa that last
59:30little scene there with the kids was
59:31about a year and a half after the
59:34genocide and it would be so fun to show
59:38that because you know now the kid who
59:41was 8 there is now 32 you know when I
59:45was back in Rwanda two summers ago one
59:49of the boys who was 9 years old we've
59:51become really good friends and I was
59:56there with teachers I think it was 2016
1:00:00and I was just taking the teachers to
1:00:03the orphanage to show them the place and
1:00:06he said some of the other orphans might
1:00:08be there and then he kinda the teachers
1:00:11told me later he snickered and he says
1:00:13he doesn't have an idea what's happening
1:00:15but they planned a surprise party back
1:00:18there at the orphanage and there were
1:00:21probably about 40 of them there and some
1:00:24of them you know who had been young
1:00:26mothers now were grandmas and they
1:00:29introduced me to their grandkids and it
1:00:31was you know I I meant to say this
1:00:34morning when I heard the announcement
1:00:37about depression recovery how important
1:00:42professional help is I had a student
1:00:46asked me a couple years ago in in New
1:00:50York she said if it's not too personal
1:00:53have you gotten professional help and if
1:00:56you did what did it take to get you
1:00:59there which was the first part people
1:01:03had asked me before and I told students
1:01:05yes absolutely seeing a counselor has
1:01:08been really important for me and my
1:01:10healing process but nobody had ever
1:01:12asked me what it took to get you there
1:01:15you know I came back and was working at
1:01:17Milo Academy and I I first I was a shop
1:01:22teacher and then I got an MBA and was
1:01:24doing addre then I went to Oregon and I
1:01:27was a pastor chaplain there at the
1:01:29academy and people think you know the
1:01:32this guy you know you're supposed to
1:01:34have stuff figured out I had so much
1:01:37stuff from the genocide buried down deep
1:01:40that I just hadn't processed and worked
1:01:42through and you don't know what to do
1:01:44with these things but there were some
1:01:46times that I was just I was just
1:01:49overwhelmed by different things
1:01:50happening I mean fourth of July was
1:01:53terrible fireworks were horrible hunting
1:01:56season was terrible you'd see other
1:01:58things and it would trigger different
1:01:59stuff there and there were mornings when
1:02:02when the kids would go to school and
1:02:03trésor go to work and you don't want to
1:02:05bother people you know you think I just
1:02:08go walking in the woods with my dogs and
1:02:10slumped down against a tree just sobbing
1:02:13and the dogs are you know licking the
1:02:15tears off of my face and I don't know
1:02:18why I feel like I need to tell people
1:02:19I'm not a dog kisser because I don't
1:02:22judge anybody but but talk about
1:02:25unconditional love huh and finally going
1:02:29and getting professional help and seeing
1:02:31a counselor and learning vocabulary and
1:02:34helping identify some thinking in my
1:02:37mind that is just not true
1:02:39it's stuff that we've pieced together
1:02:41without really analyzing it with another
1:02:44bringing it into the light you're
1:02:46operating off of some some things that
1:02:48just aren't true and so um so oh yeah
1:02:52when I heard that announcement that you
1:02:54have the depression Recovery Group I was
1:02:58just so happy to hear that
1:02:59here at this church we we we just need
1:03:02to talk about these things more honestly
1:03:06and openly there's vulnerability you
1:03:09know I when I first was talking about
1:03:12Rwanda it was hard and I would get
1:03:15emotional and then I'd say aunt Teresa I
1:03:17don't want to cry in front of people
1:03:18you'll appreciate that it's not because
1:03:20you're a church group usually if I was
1:03:22talking to a church and I was getting
1:03:24emotional there was a little lady on the
1:03:26front row with a hankie inside her
1:03:27sleeve huh and she would come and uh for
1:03:31that and I'd say thank you you know but
1:03:34but I soon realized there's nothing
1:03:36wrong with crying in fact there's
1:03:39something wrong if we don't cry I think
1:03:41at times
1:03:42and and that there is I read there in
1:03:46you know this is a rather frisky
1:03:48translation is what I think Alden
1:03:50Thompson calls the message but talks
1:03:54about Jesus and the Sermon on the Mount
1:03:56saying when we open our hearts to others
1:03:59there's a much greater chance they'll
1:04:01open their hearts to God and and I and I
1:04:05took that and I was like yeah there's
1:04:07nothing we're not we're not trying to
1:04:09exploit or manipulate emotionally
1:04:12manipulate or anything but just to be
1:04:14honest anyway so I'm not sure where that
1:04:18just came from talking about Johnson and
1:04:21and the meeting the people afterwards
1:04:23and stuff but maybe just a few minutes
1:04:26if you have some questions I'm happy to
1:04:28explore I really want to come closer to
1:04:31you but I'm afraid of those speakers and
1:04:33and me buzzing so I'm staying back here
1:04:36you want to put that you heard a little
1:04:38popping going on yeah sure
1:04:56and I mean you know your questions are
1:04:59your questions as you've heard I'm sure
1:05:01at other times no bad questions just
1:05:04feel free please before you would you
1:05:27would think with something as enormous
1:05:29as this that it can't just come from
1:05:31nowhere and it really didn't I mean the
1:05:36when you don't have a written history
1:05:38but you have an oral history it's often
1:05:41hard to really put your finger on
1:05:43different things that led up to this
1:05:45time period
1:05:46definitely the ID cards that the
1:05:50Belgians had introduced they had a quota
1:05:54system and and so that the division that
1:05:59they that they encouraged played its
1:06:02part but honestly from our perspective
1:06:07we didn't speak Kinyarwanda so I missed
1:06:10a lot of what was going on I big regret
1:06:12that I didn't learn I I was told you
1:06:14have to learn French because the
1:06:15meetings will be the government meetings
1:06:17will be in French and stuff like that so
1:06:19I learned French but really was
1:06:21afterwards I wished I would have learned
1:06:23kinyarwanda I was telling somebody
1:06:26earlier today that one of our
1:06:29accountants that addre had accountant he
1:06:32came to work really frustrated one day
1:06:34before the genocide I said what's wrong
1:06:37Emmanuel and he goes ah we just had
1:06:39nominating committee at our church and I
1:06:41don't know why we even do that the
1:06:44pastor he just appoints his own people
1:06:46who he wants and it's you know tribal
1:06:48lines and and I said ah man that's I'm
1:06:51sorry that's such a bummer and and then
1:06:54the genocide hits and that pastor
1:06:57doesn't flee the city like many other
1:06:59pastors and people did people who had a
1:07:02car or means they would used to go he
1:07:05ends up protecting my accountant and
1:07:07several other people doing the most
1:07:09menial I mean he literally is taking
1:07:13away containers of their feces of their
1:07:15waste and he's sneaking them food he's
1:07:17risking his life for them and afterwards
1:07:20I said to him who took care of you and
1:07:22he says this pastors name and I'm like
1:07:24wait I thought he was and and and he's
1:07:27like I'm wearing his shirt right now he
1:07:29says you know this I know that there was
1:07:33there was radio broadcast but again it
1:07:36was in the local language and and people
1:07:39tend to even minimize some of my friends
1:07:42who had Tutsi ID cards they um said you
1:07:45know the songs that they created around
1:07:48the hatred and the bigotry and stuff
1:07:50they had such catchy tunes that we would
1:07:52sometimes catch ourselves singing them
1:07:54and our friend would go hey do you know
1:07:56what you're singing oh my goodness what
1:07:57am i singing you know but it just became
1:08:00woven into the life this message when we
1:08:04have war which we had for three years
1:08:06before the genocide within the
1:08:08environment of war we seemed to adapt
1:08:10adopt a different mentality a different
1:08:14level of killing as somehow okay in war
1:08:19and and so it was very subtle from a
1:08:23foreigners perspective but the Rwandan
1:08:26s-- themselves as I talked to them they
1:08:28seemed to hold on to hope that it won't
1:08:30get that bad
1:08:31you know we had they had terrible
1:08:33killings in 59 60 60 to 80 at the time
1:08:37of Independence and some people who hid
1:08:39their neighbors in 59 betrayed their
1:08:43neighbors in 94 this isn't so far apart
1:08:46you know the 35 30 years 32 years and
1:08:49and so people remembered that but it was
1:08:54when I look back at it now you know I I
1:08:57wonder how how were we so oblivious and
1:09:02so I look at current situations today
1:09:04and I hear different reports of
1:09:07different politicians different news
1:09:08things different philosophies and I'm
1:09:10like wow is this
1:09:14the precursor to something else the
1:09:24other anytime we're developing this us
1:09:27and them mentality we're on a really
1:09:30treacherous course and and the other and
1:09:34and and they've become less than and and
1:09:38then when they're less than then well
1:09:41well and unfortunately we don't stand up
1:09:45for the other in in general in general
1:09:51please
1:09:53he liked the microphone just so they can
1:09:56hear thank you and you're welcome and
1:10:00you know you you really you come to this
1:10:03point I in terms of good and in terms of
1:10:07love when I go with teachers to Rwanda
1:10:11the first day we go to the Holocaust
1:10:14sorry the genocide Memorial in Kigali
1:10:16and when we're leaving our guest house
1:10:18on the bus I'll say to them we're here
1:10:23for two weeks we're gonna see some of
1:10:25the worst of humanity we're gonna see
1:10:27some of the best of humanity but the the
1:10:30brain people tell us that negative stuff
1:10:32sticks like velcro positive stuff slides
1:10:35off like Teflon and so we've got to
1:10:39spend time forming those positive
1:10:42pathways and so every morning and every
1:10:45evening one of you will facilitate the
1:10:48group conversation in what good did we
1:10:51see today what beautiful did we see
1:10:54today and I could pull out my phone
1:10:56right now and show you we all had a
1:10:58whatsapp group from this summer and
1:11:01they're still as they're going into
1:11:02their classrooms this fall they're
1:11:04saying we're starting the finding the
1:11:06good this time and they've been sharing
1:11:08with each other today finding the good
1:11:10was going to a ball game with my grandpa
1:11:12finding the good was and that whole idea
1:11:15of finding the good
1:11:16you see I operate most of the time in a
1:11:18secular environment in high schools and
1:11:20universities and so I talk about God
1:11:23when people ask me like how can you
1:11:25believe in God and the
1:11:26genocide but I also find it very
1:11:31sometimes you pop up with God and and
1:11:34you just you throw up barriers in front
1:11:36of people because the different pictures
1:11:38they've had of God so you talk about
1:11:40good which of course you know within the
1:11:43Adventist Church everybody's always
1:11:44saying God is good you know and and and
1:11:47but that looking for the good has become
1:11:50essential for my own mental and
1:11:53spiritual survival because we can find
1:11:57good anywhere in the most horrible
1:12:00places we know we can find it if we if
1:12:03we're if we're programmed to look for or
1:12:05we can find bad you know people can just
1:12:08say and I came back angry at America
1:12:10angry at our government we could have
1:12:12done so much in different things and I
1:12:14realized that's not that's not doing me
1:12:16any good that's not doing anybody good
1:12:18it's appropriate for a time I think but
1:12:21if I begin to live off of that anger
1:12:24yeah no I she asked about physically
1:12:29sick no I don't I don't think that I can
1:12:32put my finger on but it was the it was
1:12:34that it was the emotional charm and I'm
1:12:36seeing the war going on in Iraq I'm
1:12:38seeing what's happening to different
1:12:40people it's like everything I'm angry
1:12:43they're putting a microphone in the in
1:12:44the face of this newly made Widow this
1:12:47young woman and her husband was just
1:12:49killed in Iraq and I'm just I was angry
1:12:51a lot of the time at different people
1:12:54and I think it was coming out in my home
1:12:56and in my work and that that anger was
1:12:59something that you know we
1:13:05I've found it so Val and I journal now
1:13:08some of you might remember net 98 with
1:13:11Dwight Nelson and we did that satellite
1:13:14series at Milo Academy and one evening
1:13:17he came out on stage with a stack of
1:13:19notebooks and the evenings program was
1:13:22called a new way to pray or a different
1:13:25way to pray and how he would write in
1:13:27his notebooks scripture I think he did
1:13:31it in red and then in blue he wrote to
1:13:34God about that Scripture and his life
1:13:37and I started doing that in 98 and I
1:13:40it's crazy now that's 20 years ago I've
1:13:43been journaling and I don't always
1:13:45journal a lot sometimes it's just a few
1:13:47paragraphs but when I sit down and I
1:13:49don't hand I don't like my handwriting
1:13:50and so I sit down with my iPad and and I
1:13:54just start good morning father
1:13:57three words good morning father and my
1:14:02world begins to change and I thank you
1:14:05thank you for the rest
1:14:07thank you for Theresa and I start going
1:14:10through those things and by writing them
1:14:12and that and the neurons and the stuff
1:14:14through my to my finger and type in my
1:14:16eyes are reading it as it comes back to
1:14:18me and it is shaping the way I see life
1:14:22the way I see myself and the way I see
1:14:25God so I'm a big fan of journaling and
1:14:29that whole thing of finding the good I
1:14:31find when I'm really struggling I sit
1:14:33down and I start writing stuff I okay
1:14:38Theresa is like this angel you all have
1:14:40figured this out by now
1:14:41but even living with angels we sometimes
1:14:44have times that are less angelic and and
1:14:48and I get frustrated I used to go and
1:14:51kneel down you know at the bed in the
1:14:53room and I'd be like oh man good I don't
1:14:56want to get up from here well my first
1:14:57start is until you change her but then
1:14:59okay it's not gonna work I'm not gonna
1:15:02get up from my knees until you changed
1:15:04me and then I started journaling and I
1:15:07started writing her name vertically ter
1:15:10es
1:15:11and next to tea I would write tender
1:15:13because I wasn't feeling it at that
1:15:15moment but I knew she she has an
1:15:17incredibly tender heart and II and I
1:15:21think empathetic not stuff I'm feeling
1:15:24but stuff I know and by the time I'm
1:15:28down there to re I'm down there at s and
1:15:30I'm going sassy and I like it you know
1:15:32and it just changes the way you think as
1:15:36you look for the good and you write it
1:15:38down there it shapes and and that's one
1:15:40of the things I think the counselor that
1:15:42was so useful for me was how we get
1:15:44input that input affects our thinking
1:15:47our thinking affects our feelings and
1:15:50our feelings affect our actions instead
1:15:53of just focusing on the action part stop
1:15:55doing that I wish I wouldn't do that and
1:15:56stuff we got to back up in that cycle we
1:15:59often can't change the input but the way
1:16:01we think about it is where we have that
1:16:04power so when so when you know you hear
1:16:06this thing I have this mind and you
1:16:09that's in Christ I'm like well that
1:16:10sounds great but how am I gonna do that
1:16:12well for me journaling is one of the
1:16:15things looking for the good is one of
1:16:17the things realizing that I can shape
1:16:19new pathways there don't define people
1:16:21by one thing oh man I'm so guilty
1:16:23there's ways to shape our thinking I
1:16:27love that phrase fire to rewire every
1:16:31time I fire a positive thought I fire
1:16:34something I express gratitude to people
1:16:36huh
1:16:37I'm always now thanking people I'm not
1:16:39bragging here I'm just telling you shape
1:16:41into mine
1:16:42Taco Bell thank you do you know how many
1:16:44people you my told the guy talked about
1:16:45the other day
1:16:46I wonder how many hundred people you
1:16:47make happy everyday and he looks at me I
1:16:49guess I do he said you know and and and
1:16:52I'm at the hotel and then little
1:16:54breakfast area I pushed the kitchen door
1:16:56open there were the lady usually from
1:16:58another country and I say hey thanks for
1:17:00breakfast oh are you coming back tonight
1:17:02and I'm like no maybe she would fix me
1:17:05something special and then I get on the
1:17:07bridge to go into New York City and
1:17:09there's a $15.00 toll to go across the
1:17:12bridge and I'm halfway across the bridge
1:17:13and I'm gonna turn over $15 and and then
1:17:17something clicks in my head that says
1:17:18did you thank the toll taker well no you
1:17:22know he just robbed me well no he did
1:17:25he didn't set the toll I wouldn't have
1:17:27thought did you thank the toll taker if
1:17:30I didn't already have a pathway that
1:17:31morning about thank and the lady for for
1:17:34the food at though at the hotel in the
1:17:36morning that pathway leads to another
1:17:39pathway to another pathway that those so
1:17:42those pathways I'm super excited about
1:17:45about the pathway stuff you probably
1:17:47figured that out thank you for your
1:17:49comments please it's a really great
1:17:55question and that it opens up a whole
1:17:57big field here there is in in America
1:18:02you may not be aware of it but there is
1:18:05an anti genocide constituency and this
1:18:09idea of helping people understand that
1:18:12we don't have to be helpless in these
1:18:14situations one of our friends from Idaho
1:18:19during the genocide she said I got so
1:18:22discouraged with the bad reports in the
1:18:25newspaper every day that we canceled our
1:18:27newspaper subscription because we just
1:18:30couldn't take any more of that bad news
1:18:31and we didn't know what to do and some
1:18:34people often say well oh that's because
1:18:36people in America don't care
1:18:39they're just materialistic and they only
1:18:41care about themselves and if you believe
1:18:44that you'll find tons of evidence to
1:18:46support it but if you believe that
1:18:48people care but we often don't know how
1:18:52to care then you're like huh what are
1:18:56the tools you know we you you may not
1:18:59you know I like I wouldn't want my
1:19:01daughter she's driving down the highway
1:19:02and she sees somebody's a flat tire you
1:19:05have a cell phone call 911 mile marker
1:19:08this there's somebody who looks like
1:19:09they're in need of help it may not be
1:19:11good for her at that point to stop there
1:19:13but she has a tool she can use that tool
1:19:16to do we need tools because I believe
1:19:20were wired and we're made in the image
1:19:21of God and I think that's that means
1:19:24empathy and many other things and so
1:19:28that's the key right now is how do we
1:19:31both inform and equip people to respond
1:19:35and often people don't realize the role
1:19:38that we have in in calling our
1:19:41representatives in these situations in
1:19:43the Rwandan genocide many of the people
1:19:46in Washington DC said I didn't hear Bou
1:19:49from my constituents about genocide I
1:19:51heard about immigration I heard about
1:19:54gun control I didn't hear anything about
1:19:58the people in Rwanda and and so you know
1:20:02we look at the different areas
1:20:04politically that we can be letting our
1:20:08politicians know that we care I think
1:20:11sometimes in the Adventist Church I grew
1:20:13up with this idea of separation of
1:20:14church and state meant that you didn't
1:20:17do anything with politics and I was
1:20:19really you know that's wrong that's not
1:20:21what separation of church and state
1:20:23means you know it doesn't mean that
1:20:25you're not an active citizen in your
1:20:27community and in your state and in your
1:20:29country that's that's part of our
1:20:31opportunities and our responsibilities
1:20:34but learning the stories is really
1:20:37important to begin and once we learn the
1:20:40stories then we find I think in the big
1:20:43picture we need to find there's players
1:20:46there's actors out there who are
1:20:48involved I mean it's afternoon we don't
1:20:50have a chance to go into the whole
1:20:51anti-genocide constituency story there
1:20:55but in in general there's people doing
1:20:59good things we learn the stories we find
1:21:02those who are doing good and we look for
1:21:04ways that we can partner with them
1:21:05sometimes physically going there some of
1:21:08you who know upper Columbia Academy a
1:21:11couple years ago Bethany King gave a
1:21:13great presentation how she went to
1:21:15Lebanon to do that summer work with the
1:21:19Syrian refugees while she was there she
1:21:22said she noticed among all the other aid
1:21:25organizations there were no Christian
1:21:28now that's not the case and around the
1:21:30world we know adren working in many
1:21:32other places and I'm not bashing but she
1:21:34was shocked when she got there that she
1:21:36found she was the only Christian in this
1:21:38group of thirty aid workers who were in
1:21:40that are are getting in there and
1:21:43finding the good and joining in with
1:21:45that is
1:21:47is a possibility so I without going into
1:21:52a lot of details I would put forth we do
1:21:55care we just need tools and the tools
1:21:59are there if we start beginning to
1:22:03search and find them for me though for
1:22:06us to make a difference in genocide or
1:22:09anything else I have to start here with
1:22:13personal reflection and my own biases
1:22:17and my own prejudices and bigotry that's
1:22:20there too that doesn't mean I try to
1:22:21make myself perfect and then do
1:22:23something but there's this introspection
1:22:25at the same time that I'm looking to
1:22:28help outwardly I hope I was close to
1:22:31some of your question yeah it's a big
1:22:34question you had please you know I've
1:22:40often thought of of that of the Rwandan
1:22:44experience as kind of like a trailer for
1:22:48end times they talked about it being
1:22:51rapid they talk about family turning
1:22:54against family they talked about it
1:22:56being government-sponsored I hear what
1:22:59you're saying in terms of parallels for
1:23:03me personally I was arguing a lot for
1:23:06the first two weeks with God I don't
1:23:09want to die God you wanted me to stay
1:23:11you keep me alive that should be the
1:23:14deal which is really it's foolish it's
1:23:19arrogant when you look at it from a
1:23:21logical perspective from a very
1:23:24emotional scared perspective is pretty
1:23:26real and and I had grown up with this
1:23:30idea
1:23:31still that yes salvation by faith there
1:23:40was this other phrase that somebody came
1:23:42up with during my growing up years
1:23:44they said safe to save and I don't know
1:23:47what they meant by safe to save but I
1:23:50you find things that just they're like
1:23:53little cracks and you realize how
1:23:55imperfect you are and and and it just it
1:23:58just gets in your
1:24:00faison you're like you know I know I'm
1:24:01saved by grace alone but you hear all
1:24:06this other kind of but stuff and it
1:24:08wasn't until I felt just completely
1:24:13there's no but I can't I I might not
1:24:18live and I'm there might be something
1:24:22inside here that is somehow not good
1:24:24enough for anything else but save me
1:24:28anyway and I think that's kind of like
1:24:33Peters sinking in the water and
1:24:35everything else
1:24:35Ayten and the father that's the one I
1:24:37really love the father with the son
1:24:39who's you know throwing himself demons
1:24:41and stuff and Jesus do you believe and
1:24:43he's like but yeah but help my but you
1:24:48know my unbelief and and it was that
1:24:51desperation that I finally said okay I
1:24:54don't know about some of this other
1:24:55stuff that I that's haunting and
1:24:57tormenting me I'm gonna hang on to this
1:25:00one thing you love me and I love you and
1:25:05I want to be with you forever
1:25:07and I am sorry for all my screw-ups and
1:25:11stuff and I don't want to keep doing
1:25:13those things and stuff I'm counting on
1:25:17you and that's where that's where a
1:25:20sense of peace came and I still you know
1:25:24would wake up and I'm like I don't want
1:25:25to die and I want to see my kid you know
1:25:29i'ma trust you and it's like I don't
1:25:32know better than you God how can I make
1:25:34a deal with you when I don't even know
1:25:35half of what's going on I don't know
1:25:37fraction what's gonna I'm I just trashed
1:25:39you and that is those are those are
1:25:41wonderful pathways but they seem to
1:25:44slide away so easily and and that's why
1:25:47you know I understand when I read these
1:25:48different things from mrs. white and
1:25:50other places that everyday God I want to
1:25:54see what you're doing today and how I
1:25:56can be part of it God I want your spirit
1:25:59to really fill my heart
1:26:00and and I really want I don't I would
1:26:03never say to the devil
1:26:04fill me up huh that would be like
1:26:07terrifying but sometimes I've said that
1:26:09to God in a less than believing manner
1:26:13like do I know what nuclear what kind of
1:26:16enormous power I'm talking about when I
1:26:19asked for that the potential is so um so
1:26:24yeah it has helped a lot with the fear
1:26:27and that just your mind as somebody
1:26:30mentioned after church I was sharing a
1:26:32couple years ago at upper Columbia
1:26:36Academy and this whole idea of wrestling
1:26:39with God which has been a oh it's
1:26:42probably is it'll be a lifetime thing
1:26:44I'm sure but I've come down with five
1:26:46things right now in the journey not that
1:26:48they won't change or grow and I hope
1:26:50they do but number one for me is God is
1:26:53always with me always no matter where
1:26:57what and I know that's something that
1:26:58can be like a cliche but cliches don't
1:27:00come from nowhere either you know God is
1:27:03always with me number two God takes
1:27:05great delight now this is where it gets
1:27:07a little sticky with me initially I'm
1:27:09writing down God I'm writing in my
1:27:11journal God takes great delight in me
1:27:13because I had read and Jeremiah and some
1:27:15other different places and stuff but I'm
1:27:17still stored got that behavior thing
1:27:19that's knowing that at me there and it's
1:27:21like no God doesn't take delight in me
1:27:23because of what I've done and not done
1:27:24God takes delight in me because I'm his
1:27:27child lately I've been a little more
1:27:30comfortable at the phrase God takes
1:27:32delight in our relationship and and I
1:27:36feel a little more space when I say he
1:27:37but God takes delight in me our
1:27:39relationship his child that's that's
1:27:41when I'm still sorting now number three
1:27:43God's love comes my heart music often is
1:27:47it I'll just start the words you know
1:27:49god is so good and it's just a simple
1:27:54little thing God is so good I love him
1:27:59so and I start those things and those
1:28:03pathways are firing and firing and
1:28:05rewiring music God's always with me God
1:28:08takes great delight God's love calms my
1:28:11heart God has every
1:28:12I need for every situation and together
1:28:14we're gonna make it even if I die we're
1:28:18gonna make it he's got everything I
1:28:20needed in the middle of any situation I
1:28:22stop and I fire that pathway he's got
1:28:24everything I need this is no surprise
1:28:26he's not surprised by this he has what I
1:28:28mean number five he's my shepherd and my
1:28:31redeemer
1:28:31and those five truths as I fire them
1:28:35they have centered me again and again
1:28:37because in times of crisis were knocked
1:28:39flat we get the wind like the wind
1:28:42knocked out of us and we think we're
1:28:43never going to breathe again and then ah
1:28:45that breath comes back again that
1:28:47centering those are five really crucial
1:28:51truths for me to Center myself again
1:28:54when I'm not knocked flat and so thanks
1:28:58for bringing that into the conversation
1:29:01yeah you know some of you probably read
1:29:11years ago in the review the Advent
1:29:16review what I need to do wait this stuff
1:29:19up here I'll pop her picture up one of
1:29:24the ways that the people in Rwanda are
1:29:27healing is through sharing with each
1:29:34other they share with each other their
1:29:38pain they share with each other their
1:29:40joys shared experiences is this one
1:29:46turned off too now did it go to sleep
1:29:51it's blinking so I think it'll come back
1:29:53on
1:29:55I think shared experiences and we know
1:30:02that too from some of our experiences my
1:30:05mom two years ago she passed from
1:30:08pancreatic cancer and spent 11 her last
1:30:1311 days with her in Hospice a young lady
1:30:19who had a refugee family that mom and
1:30:22dad had taken in a couple
1:30:24from my rock she's Muslim she's there
1:30:28kneeling by mom's bed and hospice
1:30:30praying in Arabic to Allah and it was
1:30:34just so touching so touching people who
1:30:38have gone through shared experiences
1:30:41like that it binds our hearts together
1:30:43and I think we find healing in shared
1:30:48experiences so what we need is the
1:30:51opportunity to have these shared
1:30:53experiences and something out of we need
1:30:55security physical security we need to
1:31:00have provided for you know the basic
1:31:04needs and then we need leaders often
1:31:09that help lead us that model for us what
1:31:14it can look like and one of the the
1:31:18ladies is it ready and let's see this
1:31:21should be on now and we look at a source
1:31:24like this one of that there we at that
1:31:31one should be sending a signal you're
1:31:34awake and you're awake and you're awake
1:31:36and we're not seeing it so you're gonna
1:31:46have to use your imagination she just
1:31:49has a beautiful smile but you already
1:31:51saw another you can look at the person
1:31:53next to you for the beautiful smile Adel
1:31:59survived a massacre in a church her
1:32:02husband was an adventist pastor he died
1:32:05there her son was killed there her 17
1:32:08year old daughter survived there and I
1:32:11won't go to tell you her whole story
1:32:13right now but when Adele went to work in
1:32:18prison given Bible studies taking up the
1:32:20work of her husband the pastor who had
1:32:22died she eventually ran across the guy
1:32:25who killed her son Adele said
1:32:30now adele had actually there's so many
1:32:33stories for this lady she'd actually met
1:32:35the guy who had killed her husband
1:32:37earlier he was an adventist and and he
1:32:41wasn't a member of her husband's church
1:32:43but it can't meet him they knew each
1:32:44other and she had brought this guy home
1:32:48when she found him in the market a year
1:32:50after the genocide
1:32:51he was just freaking out when he saw her
1:32:53because he thought she was dead with all
1:32:56the other people in that church and now
1:32:59he thinks he's seen a ghost and he's and
1:33:01people are starting to gather around
1:33:02what's his problem and she's like she's
1:33:04so gracious she puts her arm around him
1:33:06she says no it's okay it's okay he's an
1:33:08old friend he's surprised he didn't
1:33:10think I survived and that happened a lot
1:33:12and so they and she gets him out of
1:33:14there before he sort of outs himself as
1:33:17a killer in front of everybody takes him
1:33:20home
1:33:20gives him a basin of water a clean shirt
1:33:25of her sons and and lets him go out you
1:33:29know wash up put on a dry cuz his shirt
1:33:32was soaked from sweat and everything and
1:33:33I often think of that basin and the
1:33:35shirt and the robe of Rights and she
1:33:37prays with him and says I forgave you a
1:33:40long time ago but have you asked God for
1:33:42forget you know it's just she seems like
1:33:44this saint and then when she meets the
1:33:46guy in prison who killed her son we're
1:33:48thinking oh she probably gonna forgive
1:33:49him too she's like we want to put him on
1:33:52a pedestal she says I had nothing for
1:33:55him when I met him but I asked the
1:33:57Father and he gave me and started I
1:34:01started bringing him little gifts in
1:34:03prison just a bar of soap and I've often
1:34:05thought did he ever use that Barras op'
1:34:09huh and if he did use it as that cool
1:34:13water was running and he was washing the
1:34:16stickiness or whatever of the day he
1:34:19eventually decides to be baptized she's
1:34:22there when he comes out of the water she
1:34:25dries his face and she says I was free
1:34:29but not done she goes to work prisons
1:34:33are overcrowded she appeals for him to
1:34:35early release they granted on the basis
1:34:38that she'll take responsibility she
1:34:41takes him home for nine
1:34:43she says the first month was almost
1:34:45impossible to talk he was yes ma'am and
1:34:49I mean anything I can do how can you
1:34:51live in the house of the woman who
1:34:53killed neighbors told her you are insane
1:34:55he will kill you in her sleep her adult
1:34:57children were not real happy with her
1:34:59those who are living here in America you
1:35:01know that had not and even the daughter
1:35:02who had survived there in the country
1:35:04I met the daughter who had survived I'm
1:35:07at her mom's house ten years ago with a
1:35:10group of teachers and they are all just
1:35:12Wow
1:35:13at this woman and her story and how
1:35:16neighbors are telling us she says one
1:35:17day I decided to test if he was really
1:35:20gonna hurt me or not because she usually
1:35:24has a bunch of people in her house you
1:35:26know this day it was just her and him I
1:35:28wasn't feeling well she says I laid down
1:35:30on the couch and I thought you know if
1:35:33he wants to today's the day he can do it
1:35:35if he wants to and she says I just laid
1:35:38there with my eyes closed and I heard
1:35:39him come in the room and I heard him
1:35:42coming closer to me and she says I felt
1:35:48him put his hand on my forehead and he
1:35:51walked away and he came back with a wet
1:35:54cloth and put it and I said he's never
1:35:57gonna hurt me as the years went on she
1:36:01says my neighbor started building
1:36:03relationships having shared experiences
1:36:06with people who were involved in their
1:36:08pain and grief and she says I didn't let
1:36:12him forget what a hard time they gave me
1:36:14and I said to them hey aren't you
1:36:18worried that guy he's gonna kill you and
1:36:20yours I mean this woman is she's such a
1:36:22she's such a kick and they go oh you
1:36:27called me crazy and they go oh Adele
1:36:30we're all crazy but this this shared
1:36:34experience and having a leader who shows
1:36:37us it's possible if Adele can do it
1:36:40maybe I can do it so having an
1:36:43environment then having some leaders and
1:36:47having opportunities shared experiences
1:36:50helped us not define them by that one
1:36:52thing I often use my arm is and
1:36:55Oh pathway and my sleeve as the myelin
1:36:57sheath that the more you fire it that
1:36:59that's the quicker it goes and if I'm
1:37:02only firing the pathway this guy's to
1:37:04kill it's all the other tiny little
1:37:06pathways there's you know we're not on
1:37:09line there yet we they have camps in
1:37:12Rwanda where people who've confessed to
1:37:14killing can go from prison to this
1:37:18community camp it'd be like a prison
1:37:21camp except there's no fence no walls
1:37:23and the guards don't have guns they call
1:37:25them T SH camps t IJ G is a French
1:37:28abbreviation work in the interest of the
1:37:30general public they're building roads
1:37:32they're doing terraces they're making
1:37:33bricks for schools on the weekend
1:37:35they're going to the local church if
1:37:39they they get ten days every year to go
1:37:41home these are almost finished now we're
1:37:43down to our last couple of camps I was
1:37:45just a couple of weeks ago with teachers
1:37:46at a camp in Rwanda and I saw a lady who
1:37:49I'd seen who had been there three years
1:37:51ago I'm surprised she's still there but
1:37:53she must have had a high sentence for
1:37:55confessing her sentence was cut in half
1:37:57there's a lot we can talk about Rwanda
1:37:59is restorative justice system which is
1:38:01also part of their healing because you
1:38:03got to learn the truth huh when the
1:38:05people were told that if you'll confess
1:38:07your prison will be cut in half sentence
1:38:10will be cut in half others oh well what
1:38:11good is that confession well that
1:38:13confession let people find out where
1:38:15their family was buried that was a lot
1:38:18for them to be able to know where
1:38:20grandma was where my way okay
1:38:22you killed my sons who betrayed their
1:38:25hiding place because for years I've been
1:38:27going over and over in my mind was it
1:38:29like this was it like that how did it go
1:38:30I learned the truth and the truth helps
1:38:34this tape slowed down in my brain till I
1:38:36can finally say okay I can maybe put
1:38:39this here I'll never forget it
1:38:41but I don't have to keep playing the
1:38:44tape and my brain wondering how did that
1:38:46happen so there's a lot to the healing
1:38:48both in the judicial system in a
1:38:50spiritual sense and and people this guy
1:38:54who's at the you could imagine if we had
1:38:57somebody here in church this morning
1:38:58that came from the camp in the center of
1:39:03on the edge of town that's doing
1:39:04projects for the community and we know
1:39:06that they
1:39:07committed genocide and all the sudden we
1:39:11hear him sing and we're like whoa that
1:39:13guy can sing that's a little neural
1:39:16pathway that's beginning to form I don't
1:39:18care if he can sing he's a killer which
1:39:21pathway will I choose to fire that guy's
1:39:25a good singer that doesn't mean he's
1:39:27less of a killer but I'm not just
1:39:29defining him by the one pathway so
1:39:32there's a lot of other parts to that but
1:39:34that part of healing shared pathways
1:39:37leaders an environment where we can have
1:39:40shared experiences that's part of that
1:39:43that journey there some will say I don't
1:39:46know the daughter of the del initially
1:39:49ten years ago when teachers asked her
1:39:51about her journey she said no I I don't
1:39:54want him dead anymore but I don't want
1:39:56to see him we met with her a couple of
1:39:59months ago she joined our teachers for
1:40:02dinner one evening she and her husband
1:40:06have not been able to have children and
1:40:09they adopted and she said I can't
1:40:15exactly tell you when it happened I
1:40:18think it has something to do with my
1:40:20little girl but I'm no longer angry or
1:40:24resentful she doesn't have a specific
1:40:28time or place or a person I mean she's
1:40:31an incredible example from her mom which
1:40:33no doubt played a part in that
1:40:35possibility but she just says for me I'm
1:40:40free and I don't I can't really say
1:40:42exactly when or what and then you look
1:40:45at pictures of her and her baby and her
1:40:47husband and that new life something
1:40:50about children for a lot of people that
1:40:52was healing
1:40:53I can't stay angry because for my sake
1:40:56of my children I have to somehow find
1:40:58freedom so there's I'm sure there's a
1:41:01big book on how the healing is happen
1:41:03but thanks for asking about that and I
1:41:06know it's kind of getting late and I
1:41:07don't feel bad if you need to take off
1:41:09and I hate to leave if somebody still
1:41:11has questions but um as you can tell I
1:41:15could go on for a long time each time I
1:41:19go back to Rwanda the new stories not
1:41:22only inspire me but as you heard this
1:41:25morning they challenged me because some
1:41:28of the lessons I think that I've learned
1:41:30I haven't yet learned and and filbert
1:41:34pointed that out to me this summer when
1:41:36I was back there and there's stories
1:41:39from the other summers and so now going
1:41:41back is a real privilege it was always
1:41:44with mixed feelings before but now going
1:41:47back is a real privilege because I know
1:41:50I'll be blessed and I also know the
1:41:53teachers that I get to go back to go
1:41:55back with and these teachers from all
1:41:57spectrums from public school private
1:41:59school Jewish schools some are some are
1:42:03Christians some are not some are Jewish
1:42:06we haven't had any teachers yet that are
1:42:09Muslim to go on the trip yet with us but
1:42:12for everybody these experiences these
1:42:15encounters in Rwanda the people that
1:42:17they meet they it's it's not overstating
1:42:22to talk about life changing because
1:42:25we're all wrestling with issues of
1:42:28forgiveness of identity of belonging of
1:42:32acceptance of pain that's that's
1:42:37universal I left addre there in the 90s
1:42:42and I haven't been much involved with it
1:42:44to be honest since then this last time
1:42:47though last couple of times I have made
1:42:50contact with a local address I'm there
1:42:52with the teachers and we're on an
1:42:53educational trip and we're doing a lot
1:42:54of stuff there I haven't really taken
1:42:56time with addre but the last time last
1:42:59couple of times I have and a few weeks
1:43:01ago I took the teachers to the a
1:43:05draw-off 'us addre now the country
1:43:07director is a Rwandan which I'm super
1:43:10excited about because he knows the
1:43:12country and the needs so much better the
1:43:14Rwanda of today is we are the lead
1:43:18partner in our growth and development we
1:43:21want partners but just like if somebody
1:43:24came here to America and said we're the
1:43:26lead partner we'd be like what you know
1:43:29now they may bring a new idea a new
1:43:31technology and they may lead for a while
1:43:32but that's not how it should be that's
1:43:35not sustainable so I'm super happy that
1:43:37he was that there's a Rwandan country
1:43:42director and they are very the program
1:43:44has grown much larger than when I was
1:43:46there their work in refugee camps is
1:43:49super well respected by the UNHCR and
1:43:52the other partners there there
1:43:54agriculture adult literacy small income
1:43:58generating projects their work is just
1:44:00really booming in the country the the
1:44:03lady who they just hired another Rwandan
1:44:06woman in charge of programs the the
1:44:09director of the of the country director
1:44:12and this lady as our teachers were
1:44:15asking them questions about development
1:44:17in the country and all the projects I
1:44:19was just I was like bursting my buttons
1:44:21I was so proud of the response the
1:44:24commitment the passion the the Christ
1:44:27centeredness they they made me so proud
1:44:31as I was there and then we went with the
1:44:34director to a refugee camp that has been
1:44:36that Rwanda has now become home to like
1:44:40eight refugee camps this tiny little
1:44:42country from Burundi and from the Congo
1:44:45primarily and the camp we were at I'm
1:44:50gonna say it's close to 20 years old now
1:44:54people have been living in that camp for
1:44:5620 years some of them and so it's really
1:45:01hard hard sick circumstances situations
1:45:04but I'm super proud of the work that
1:45:07address is it's just yeah with a lot of
1:45:09pride that I I was able because
1:45:11sometimes we're not always able to say
1:45:13that and and I was just I was very very
1:45:17impressed I spent quite a bit of time
1:45:19with the director in January is when I
1:45:21first got introduced to him the current
1:45:23director but even the other before was a
1:45:25lady from Zimbabwe she was doing a good
1:45:27job and another man from Brazil who's
1:45:30been but I was so happy this time to
1:45:32find a Rwandan in
1:45:34I'm not saying that's always necessary
1:45:36in every country but I think it's a
1:45:38great sign of progress yeah thank you
1:45:42very much for coming by this ad I forgot
1:45:45this one did I say that already or
1:45:46somebody I you know at the 2-week point
1:45:49when I finally said God I'm not gonna
1:45:51argue anymore but if I don't survive I
1:45:54want to leave something for Theresa and
1:45:56the kids so I started making cassette
1:45:57tapes you saw that in the film so by the
1:46:00time the genocide was over I had eight
1:46:02hours of these tapes and they were in a
1:46:05shoebox for ten years I think not quite
1:46:08ten years but I finally got him out and
1:46:13for 2000's more than ten years and and I
1:46:16wrote a little book that's called I'm
1:46:18not leavin and the book is based on
1:46:21those cassette tapes so when one of your
1:46:24members what's her name she's in second
1:46:27grade came up afterwards and she was so
1:46:29sweet and she said I liked your sermon
1:46:30Oh like I said you know what I forgot to
1:46:34bring the books and she told me she's
1:46:36read every book and her dad's like you
1:46:37up she's read every book in our house if
1:46:40you'd like a copy we make them available
1:46:42for a donation with kids we suggest five
1:46:45bucks with adults we suggest end up
1:46:47bucks but it's whatever that's a
1:46:48suggestion not code for price and if
1:46:51you'd like I was just talking perhaps we
1:46:54could just communicate in about a week
1:46:56or so you could let us know we could
1:46:58send a box here that would be easy but
1:47:00if you also our website which I just
1:47:02remembered somebody told me there's some
1:47:04code changing and it's not online right
1:47:06now so hopefully it will be by the
1:47:07middle of the week we're all on some
1:47:09issues you can also get a book from the
1:47:11website - but if Parden world outside my
1:47:17shoes dot org I thought it was a really
1:47:20clever name but nobody can remember it
1:47:22that's not clever but a world outside my
1:47:26shoes org if you look for its kind I
1:47:29don't really like this labeling but the
1:47:32American this stayed in Rwanda you'll
1:47:34eventually search and you'll get there
1:47:36with Google but in the film if you'd
1:47:40like we can also send a DVD of
1:47:42or a link with the password some of the
1:47:46news footage we don't know who it
1:47:47belongs to we haven't yet got that
1:47:48sorted out yet to make it just available
1:47:51on the web I mean publicly so to speak
1:47:55but would be happy to share the link and
1:47:57a password with you or the DVD if you'd
1:48:00like that with the film - so email
1:48:04you'll notice in the bulletin I think I
1:48:06and please no dissing on the bulletin
1:48:09people thank you for what you did but
1:48:11our name is just spelled differently in
1:48:12a couple places I think it's WI lke ns
1:48:16so get that e right there at the end
1:48:18Carl dot Wilkins at yahoo.com is email
1:48:21Carl dot Wilkins at yahoo.com and we'll
1:48:25be happy to help you get book or DVD
1:48:27however or if you work with Terry about
1:48:32Terry yeah sorry about what can get some
1:48:37books sent up to but we pray let's pray
1:48:42let's stand we've been sitting huh feels
1:48:45good to stand father thank you again
1:48:58right now I'm thinking about the example
1:49:01of Adele and how many people she has led
1:49:07to freedom in forgiveness through you
1:49:11and I thank you for her story in her
1:49:14example her inspiration how your love
1:49:20has clearly shown through her and I
1:49:24think to Lord about the people in the
1:49:26Rwanda in the prison system the Rwanda
1:49:29correctional systems there's so many
1:49:31wonderful people I've met there too
1:49:33working with those who were torturing
1:49:38and raping and killing people and I've
1:49:42seen them treat people with so much the
1:49:45prison officials pre treat people with
1:49:49so much dignity and respect and even
1:49:52like family
1:49:53and I thank you for their there example
1:49:57there's some wonderful things happening
1:50:00to Lord within the Adventist Church and
1:50:02within addre and within the government
1:50:05and within other churches and other
1:50:07communities and we thank you for the way
1:50:09that we can see the good the way we can
1:50:13see your spirit in healing in this
1:50:16country and at the same time it's not
1:50:19perfect and there's still a lot of
1:50:21people caught in the deep darkness of
1:50:24depression depression and despair and
1:50:27suicide in Rwanda and divorce and the
1:50:31and the pain that people continue to
1:50:33experience and we pray for them too and
1:50:36we ask that you can show us how we can
1:50:39be agents of healing and peace there as
1:50:44well as here in our homes and in our
1:50:47communities thank you for the
1:50:53opportunities it's easy to look at so
1:50:55many things happening right now as
1:50:56crisis's and and to throw up our hands
1:50:59but they're they're really opportunities
1:51:02opportunities to have meaningful
1:51:04conversations with our neighbors and
1:51:07fellow workers and opportunities that
1:51:09dig deeper ourselves in our relationship
1:51:12with you and identifying our core values
1:51:15with you so we look forward to you
1:51:18continuing to lead us in these journeys
1:51:21and we thank you in Jesus name Amen
1:51:36thank you so very very much

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of I'm Not Leaving - Carl Wilkens by Truth - tube, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 17,171 words across 2,334 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to translate the transcript into 100+ languages.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, translation to 100+ languages, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.