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“I’m Not Having It Ruined by a Woman in a Thrift-Store Sweater,” My Daughter-In-Law Said on Thank... — Transcript

by Blood Without Boundaries · 3,686 words · 604 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Thank God, the old hag isn't here.
0:02That's what my daughter-in-law said, and
0:05I heard every word of it from the porch
0:07with a maple pecan pie warm in my hands.
0:11I stopped with my knuckles a few inches
0:14from the door.
0:15It was Thanksgiving Monday, the second
0:18one in October, and the air had that
0:20cold leafy smell that makes you want to
0:23be indoors.
0:25Through the front window, I could see
0:27the fireplace going and the good
0:29tablecloth already on the dining table.
0:32That house in Kitchener was one I'd paid
0:34off myself. Roy and I had put 31 years
0:38into it before he died.
0:40Before we get into it, tell me where
0:43you're tuning in from.
0:45It means a lot to know who's keeping me
0:47company.
0:48Samantha's voice carried through the
0:50crack in the window. She's my
0:52daughter-in-law and she has never once
0:54called me anything but Cheryl, even
0:56though I'm old enough to be her mother's
0:59older sister.
1:01Honest, I told Greg to say she had a
1:04migraine.
1:05A migraine. Can you imagine her here
1:08fussing with the thermostat and
1:11refolding my napkins?
1:13Greg laughed. Greg, my son, whom I
1:16carried for 9 months and drove to hockey
1:19at 5:00 in the morning for 11 winters.
1:22She'd have worn that cardigan, he said.
1:25The gray one with the pilling.
1:27The one from Value Village.
1:29God.
1:31I paid for a caterer, so this would look
1:32nice for once.
1:34I'm not having it ruined by a woman in a
1:36thrift store sweater.
1:38Wine glasses clinked. Somebody else
1:41laughed too, a woman. That would be
1:43Samantha's mother, Dawn, who had always
1:46been perfectly pleasant to my face.
1:49I hadn't had a migraine. I'd come early
1:52to help set up because Samantha had told
1:55me the other relatives wouldn't arrive
1:57until 4:00 and I thought a pair of hands
2:01would be welcome.
2:02I'd even folded the napkins in my head
2:05on the drive over.
2:07I didn' cry, and I the pie. What I felt
2:10was odd and cold and clear, like a
2:13window wiped clean. I looked at the
2:15welcome mat under my feet. I'd bought
2:18that too at Canadian Tire the Christmas
2:21they moved in. Then I turned around,
2:23still holding the pie and walked back
2:26down the driveway to my car, which I'd
2:29parked on the street so I wouldn't block
2:31anyone in.
2:33I sat behind the wheel with the engine
2:35off and took out my phone.
2:37I knew the caterer.
2:39Samantha had been bragging about it for
2:41two weeks. Roast turkey, four sides,
2:44three desserts, a delivery truck, and
2:47two servers in black aprons.
2:49What she'd skipped over was whose visa
2:51was on file. I'd offered back in
2:54September to cover the holiday meal as a
2:56gift. Nobody had said no.
2:59I opened my banking app and froze the
3:02card.
3:03Then I called the catering company's
3:05after hours line because they'd given me
3:08the number when I set up the account and
3:11told the young man who answered that I
3:13was withdrawing authorization for the
3:15order.
3:16He was very polite about it. He said the
3:19truck was already loaded. I said I
3:22understood and that I was sorry for his
3:24trouble.
3:26I put the pie on the passenger seat and
3:28drove home.
3:29The truck I knew was due at the house in
3:32about 10 minutes.
3:34My townhouse is 12 minutes from the old
3:36place. The streets were empty.
3:39Everyone was inside, carving and passing
3:42and laughing at each other's jokes.
3:44I let myself in, hung up my coat and
3:48made a turkey sandwich with deli meat
3:51and a little cranberry sauce from the
3:52fridge. I ate it standing at the
3:54counter, and it tasted better than it
3:57had any right to.
3:58The pecan pie sat on the counter next to
4:01me. I'd get to it.
4:0322 minutes later, my phone buzzed itself
4:06halfway across the granite.
4:08Greg.
4:10Mom.
4:11His voice was high and thin.
4:13Mom, did something happen with your
4:15card?
4:16The catering guy is here and he won't
4:18unload. He says the payment was declined
4:21and the order's been canceled.
4:23I canceled it, I said.
4:25What? Why? Mom, there are 20 people
4:29here. Samantha's parents are here.
4:31Her aunt drove in from Burlington. Just
4:34unlock it, please. We'll sort it out
4:36after.
4:37I looked out my kitchen window at the
4:39bird feeder.
4:40A chickadee was working on it. Greg, I
4:43said.
4:44I brought a pie.
4:46Nothing came down the line for a long
4:48moment.
4:49In the background, I could hear Samantha
4:51shrieking at somebody.
4:53And it sounded very far away.
4:56You were here, he said.
4:59It came out like something he was
5:00reading off a card.
5:02I was on the porch. I heard what
5:04Samantha said. I heard you laugh.
5:07Mom, wait. It was a joke. She's been so
5:10stressed. You don't understand.
5:13Since the old hag isn't there, I said,
5:16perfectly level. She won't be paying for
5:18the meal either. Figure out your own
5:20dinner, Greg.
5:22I hung up and set the phone face down on
5:24the counter. My heart was beating slowly
5:27and evenly, which surprised me.
5:30I didn't wait for him to call back. I
5:33didn't wait for an apology either. I
5:35already knew he wouldn't have one ready,
5:38and I was right.
5:39What I did instead was sit down at my
5:42laptop and look at my life with the
5:44lights on.
5:46For three years, I'd been the private
5:48safety net under those two. After Roy
5:51passed, I downsized to the townhouse and
5:54let Greg and Samantha have the family
5:57home because the house was too big for
5:59one old woman and they were struggling.
6:02I paid the property taxes, all of them,
6:05about $7,000 a year. I kept my name on
6:09their SUV loan so they'd get a better
6:11rate. I paid the Rogers bill, the
6:14Netflix, the Crave, the Hydro One
6:16account, because Greg had said it was
6:19just easier to leave everything in my
6:21name. And I'd said fine. I'd never
6:24charge them a dollar of rent. I told
6:26myself that was love.
6:29It had been something else. It had been
6:31a very comfortable arrangement for
6:34everyone but me.
6:36I logged into the streaming accounts,
6:38changed the passwords, and signed out
6:41every device.
6:43Then I went to the utility portals and
6:45scheduled everything at the old house to
6:48transfer it to my name effective the
6:50following Monday.
6:52The internet was first on the list.
6:55My phone buzzed all night.
6:57Greg. Mom, this is ridiculous. Greg, we
7:00ordered pizza. Greg, Samantha is crying
7:03in the bedroom. Greg, you embarrassed us
7:05in front of everyone. Not one of those
7:08texts asked how I was. Not one said
7:10sorry. He was upset because the bubble
7:13had popped, and that was all.
7:15I didn't answer. I sent one email
7:18instead to a realtor I'd known for
7:21years, Andrea Reynolds, asking her to
7:24pull comparables on the house and meet
7:26me Tuesday morning.
7:28Then I closed the laptop, made some
7:30chamomile, and sat in my quiet kitchen.
7:33It was silent, as it always is, but for
7:35the first time in a long while, it
7:37didn't feel lonely. It felt like mine.
7:41I knew they'd be on my doorstep by
7:43morning.
7:44They always came when something needed
7:46fixing.
7:48This time, I was ready for them.
7:50The knock came Tuesday, not Friday, and
7:53it was a heavy one.
7:55I looked through the peephole. Greg and
7:57Samantha stood on my porch with their
7:59arms folded in the same exact way,
8:02looking sleepless and defensive.
8:04Samantha had her jaw set.
8:07I opened the door and didn' step aside.
8:10Mom, Greg said, rubbing the back of his
8:13neck.
8:14Can we come in? We need to talk about
8:16Monday.
8:17We can talk here, I said.
8:20Samantha pushed forward half a step.
8:22You humiliated me, Cheryl.
8:25My parents had to eat pizza off the good
8:27china.
8:28Do you have any idea what that was like?
8:30You threw a tantrum over a joke.
8:33A joke, I said. I looked straight at her
8:36and held it. You called me an old hag
8:39and thanked God I wasn't there. I gave
8:41you what you asked for. I was absent.
8:44It was stress. You're overreacting. You
8:47always do this. You make everything
8:50about you.
8:51I
8:53and I
8:54myself. There's a kind of person who
8:56needs you to argue, and I spent three
8:59years feeding that need. I turned to my
9:01son and held out my palm.
9:04Greg, the spare key to my townhouse.
9:07He blinked. Mom, what why?
9:10Because you don't have open access to my
9:12home anymore.
9:14Mom, come on. Don't be like this.
9:17The key, Greg.
9:19He looked at Samantha for backup. She
9:22just glared at him. He dug through his
9:24pocket, worked my key off his ring, and
9:27dropped it into my hand.
9:29Thank you, I said. Now listen carefully.
9:33I'm selling the house you're living in.
9:35You have 30 days.
9:37You can't do that.
9:39Samantha's voice cracked and her
9:41composed face fell apart.
9:43That's our home. We've decorated. We
9:46were going to do a nursery in the spare
9:48room.
9:49It's my house, I said.
9:52My name is on the title. I pay the
9:53property tax.
9:55You've lived there rent-free for three
9:57years, and that ends today.
9:59Greg had gone gray. Mom, be reasonable.
10:03We can't afford a mortgage on a place
10:05like that. Where are we supposed to go?
10:08That's for you and your wife to work
10:10out.
10:12I started to close the door.
10:14Samantha slapped her hand against the
10:16wood and held it open an inch.
10:19You're doing this
10:20because I didn't want your tacky little
10:22pie at my dinner. You're being a child.
10:26I'm being a property owner, I said. I'd
10:28suggest you spend the weekend packing
10:31instead of arguing.
10:33Goodbye.
10:34I shut the door and turned the deadbolt.
10:37Through the wood, I could hear her
10:38blaming Greg for not controlling his
10:41mother.
10:42I went into the kitchen and put on CBC
10:45Radio 2 and a Brahms piece drowned out
10:47the rest of it.
10:49Andrea hammered the for sale sign into
10:52the front lawn on Wednesday morning,
10:54right into the perfect green lawn
10:57Samantha was so proud of. I wasn't
10:59there.
11:00My phone rang later and I let it go to
11:03voicemail.
11:05There was one more thing to see to.
11:08My grandmother's furniture was in that
11:09house. A mahogany dining table with
11:13eight chairs, a credenza, and a
11:15grandfather clock that had stood in my
11:17mother's hallway.
11:19When Samantha moved in, she'd started
11:21calling them her vintage pieces and
11:24showing them off to friends. She would
11:26either try to keep them or damage them
11:29out of spite, and I wasn't about to find
11:32out which.
11:33On Thursday afternoon, I knew Greg would
11:36be at work at Franklin Supply, where
11:38he'd been in purchasing for six years,
11:41and that Samantha had her weekly Pilates
11:43class.
11:45I pulled up to the house.
11:47A moving truck came up behind me with
11:49three large, courteous men I'd booked
11:51for the hour.
11:53I let myself in with my key.
11:55The house was a mess.
11:57Pizza boxes were still stacked on the
11:59counter, and a hoodie was draped over my
12:02grandmother's chair.
12:04I pointed out the pieces and the men
12:06went to work, wrapping the wood in thick
12:09blankets, carrying it gently. I stood in
12:12the living room and watched my family's
12:14history leave a place where nobody had
12:18respected it.
12:19They were carrying the dining table out
12:21the front door when tires screeched in
12:24the driveway.
12:25Samantha's white SUV stopped nose first
12:29at an angle, blocking the truck in. She
12:32leapt out her leggings
12:34flushed with fury.
12:36What are you doing? Put that back.
12:38That's my dining room.
12:40She charged up the steps,
12:43but I stepped into the doorway
12:45and she couldn't get by me.
12:47They're my family's antiques, I said.
12:50They're coming with me.
12:52Greg promised me those.
12:54You can't just break in and steal my
12:56furniture.
12:57I didn't break in. I used my key to my
13:00house and Greg can't promise what he
13:02doesn't own.
13:04Move your car, Samantha. The truck needs
13:06to leave.
13:08No, not until they put my table back.
13:11She crossed her arms and planted her
13:13feet. She wanted a scene. She wanted me
13:16to fold rather than be embarrassed in
13:18front of the street. She had
13:20miscalculated.
13:22I took out my phone. You have two
13:24choices. Move your car or I call a tow
13:27truck and have it removed from my
13:29driveway. You have five seconds.
13:32Her mouth fell open. She glanced around
13:35and spotted Mrs. Gable next door,
13:37peering through her blinds.
13:39It finally sank in. She had no leverage
13:42and no audience.
13:44Nobody on that street was on her side.
13:47You're a miserable, selfish woman, she
13:49hissed, her voice shaking.
13:52Four, I said.
13:54She stared at me with such hatred that I
13:56almost felt sorry for her. Then she spun
13:59around, got into her SUV and backed into
14:03the street.
14:04Movers loaded up the rest. I locked the
14:07front door, walked to my car and drove
14:10off, leaving her on the lawn of a house
14:12that would soon no longer be hers.
14:15That evening, my doorbell rang.
14:18On the camera, I saw Greg standing alone
14:20under the porch light. He looked 10
14:23years older than he had on Thanksgiving.
14:25Shoulders slumped, dark circles under
14:28his eyes.
14:29I let him into the hallway but didn't
14:31offer him a seat.
14:33"She's lost it," he muttered.
14:35"She's screaming about the furniture and
14:37the house.
14:39I don't know what to do."
14:41"You pack," I said.
14:43He looked up at me.
14:45"Mom, please. Can't we pause the sale?
14:48We've been looking at apartments all
14:50week. With the car payment and her
14:52credit card debt, we can't afford
14:54anything decent.
14:56We don't even have first and last
14:58month's rent."
14:59"That's a problem you made together. You
15:02both work full-time. You'll budget like
15:05adults.
15:06Can you at least lend us the deposit?"
15:09His voice dropped to a shameful whisper.
15:12"Just to get us into a place. Samantha
15:15won't live in a bad neighborhood."
15:18I looked at him, the boy I raised, who
15:20sat in my house and laughed while his
15:23wife called me an old hag.
15:25"No, Greg."
15:27"Mom, you have the money."
15:30"I do, and I'm keeping it. You let her
15:33disrespect me in a house I own, and then
15:35you joined in. I'm done paying for
15:37people who don't value me. The Bank of
15:40Mom is closed, permanently."
15:43He stared at me and finally understood
15:45there'd be no rescue this time. He
15:48turned and walked out into the cold.
15:51I wasn't finished, though, and I'll be
15:53honest about the next part because it
15:55matters.
15:57A week later, I called the bank about
15:58the SUV loan. I told them I wanted my
16:02name removed. They said Samantha and
16:05Greg would need to refinance into their
16:07own names to do that. I said that was
16:10fine. I'd been the only reason they'd
16:12qualified in the first place, and I'd
16:15known that when I signed.
16:18They had two weeks to refinance. They
16:20couldn't.
16:22Samantha's credit card debt was worse
16:24than Greg had let on, and no lender
16:26would touch them without me.
16:29The bank gave them the choice of selling
16:31the vehicle or being reported as
16:33delinquent on a loan with my name on it.
16:36They sold. The dealership gave them less
16:39than they owed, and Greg had to find the
16:42difference himself.
16:44Samantha's parents came to see me before
16:46the 30 days were up. I hadn't expected
16:49that. I'd just put the kettle on when
16:52Dawn and her husband Carl appeared at my
16:54door, hat in hand. Carl is a quiet man
16:58who ran a plumbing supply business for
17:0040 years.
17:02I made tea.
17:03Dawn sat at my table and couldn't meet
17:06my eyes. Cheryl, I owe you an apology. I
17:09heard what she said, and I laughed. I'm
17:12ashamed of that.
17:13Thank you, Dawn.
17:16We didn't know about the house. Samantha
17:19told us they were paying a very low
17:21rent.
17:22She said Greg handled it. Her voice
17:24shook.
17:26We didn't know you were paying for
17:27everything, and we certainly didn't know
17:30about the card.
17:31Carl cleared his throat. She asked us
17:34for the deposit money last night,
17:36$8,000.
17:38I said no.
17:40He looked at his hands. She cried. She
17:43said we'd be abandoning her. I told her
17:45that her mother and I have been paying
17:47our own way since 1982, and she can
17:50learn to do the same.
17:52I hadn't expected that, and for a moment
17:55I couldn't say anything.
17:57I'm not going to bail her out of this,
17:59Carl said. I wanted you to hear that
18:02from me.
18:03I appreciate it, I said, and meant it.
18:06They left after an hour.
18:09Dawn hugged me at the door, and it was
18:11the first time anyone in that family had
18:14hugged me in a year without wanting
18:16something.
18:17The 30 days passed quickly.
18:20I rearranged the townhouse around my
18:23grandmother's table, which
18:26fit better than I'd feared, and the
18:28clock found a spot at the end of the
18:30hall.
18:31I joined a morning walking group with
18:33some women from the neighborhood and
18:35started meeting them at Tim Hortons
18:38afterward. I slept through the night for
18:41the first time in years.
18:43On the last day, I drove to the old
18:46house for the final walkthrough.
18:48A battered rental truck was in the
18:50driveway, the small kind. It looked
18:53ridiculous in front of that house.
18:56Greg was struggling to push a mattress
18:58into the back of it.
19:00Samantha came out carrying a box of
19:02shoes and stopped when she saw me.
19:05She looked tired. Her hair was in a
19:08knot, and she was wearing sweatpants I
19:10think she'd had on for 3 days. She
19:13didn't say a word. She shoved the box
19:15into the truck and walked past me
19:17without looking up. No white SUV, only
19:20Greg's old Corolla parked at the curb,
19:23hatchback rusted at the edges.
19:26I went inside. The rooms echoed. I
19:29checked the walls, the floors, and the
19:31appliances, and all of it was intact.
19:34All that glamour was gone, and only bare
19:37walls were left.
19:38Greg was shutting the door of the truck
19:40when I came out.
19:42He walked over and held out a ring of
19:44keys.
19:45Here, he said. We're out.
19:48I took them. Drive safe, Greg.
19:51He lingered.
19:52He looked at the house, then at me, and
19:55I could see him wanting to say something
19:57that mattered. The words wouldn't come.
20:00He nodded, climbed into the cab and
20:03drove away with Samantha following in
20:05the Corolla.
20:07The house sold 9 days later to a young
20:10couple with a golden retriever over
20:12asking. When the funds hit my account, I
20:15didn't buy anything silly. I put most of
20:18it into my TFSA and RRSP,
20:22gave a good portion to the local shelter
20:24for women over 65 who've lost their
20:27homes spent a little to turn my small
20:29backyard into a garden.
20:31In early spring, on the first warm
20:33morning, I sat on the patio with my
20:36coffee and a plate and a slice of the
20:38pecan pie.
20:40I'd frozen half of it the day of
20:42Thanksgiving to see what would happen.
20:45It was still good with the maple coming
20:47through.
20:48I'd say it was the best pie I've ever
20:50made and I ate every crumb.
20:53Someone knocked at the gate.
20:55I wasn't expecting anyone.
20:58Samantha stood there in a plain coat
21:00with no makeup on holding a pie plate
21:03covered in foil.
21:04She looked smaller than I remembered.
21:07She'd lost the poise she used to carry
21:09like a handbag.
21:11I won't come in, she said. I just wanted
21:14to give you this.
21:16She held out the plate. The foil had
21:18been lifted at one corner to show a
21:20lattice top, a little lopsided and too
21:23brown on one side, cherry.
21:26I made it this morning, she said. It
21:28took three tries.
21:30I'm working two jobs now and I'm still
21:33paying off the catering company's
21:34cancellation fee and Greg's picking up
21:37weekend shifts. My parents won't help
21:39us. They told me I had to earn it back.
21:43She swallowed.
21:44I deserved all of it. I said something
21:47ugly about a person who did nothing but
21:49be kind to me and I'm so sorry, Cheryl.
21:52I'm not asking for anything. I wanted
21:55you to know I know.
21:57I took the pie. It was still slightly
21:59warm. I looked at her for a long moment
22:03at the cracked hands of someone who'd
22:05been washing a lot of dishes lately.
22:08Thank you, Samantha, I said. That took
22:11courage.
22:12She nodded, wiped her eyes with her
22:14sleeve and went back down the lane.
22:17I watched her go. I didn't call after
22:19her because forgiveness is not the same
22:22as a key to the house.
22:25Greg sent me a text that afternoon. The
22:27apartment is small, but we're managing.
22:30Samantha and I are in counseling. Hope
22:32you're well. No request for money, no
22:35demand, just a quiet update from a
22:38distance.
22:39I typed back, I'm doing very well, Greg.
22:43Good luck with the counseling. Then I
22:44put the phone down and didn't wait for
22:47an answer.
22:48I cut a slice of the cherry pie.
22:51The crust was a little tough and the
22:53filling was a little too sweet.
22:55I ate it on the patio in the sun with
22:58the first hydrangea buds coming up
23:00beside me.
23:02It was the best tasting thing I'd had
23:03all year.
23:05Loving your children and enabling them
23:07are not the same thing, and I had to
23:10lose a lot to learn it. Respect is the
23:13least anyone owes you, even family, and
23:17walking away from disrespect doesn't
23:19make you a bad mother. It makes you a
23:21person who finally decided her own peace
23:24was worth protecting.
23:26Giving freely to the people we love says
23:29a lot about a good heart, and many of us
23:32have been there.
23:34Have you ever been the one quietly
23:36supporting your family? And when did you
23:38finally see what it had become?

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