"I Find It Hard To Speak Up In Meetings" — Transcript

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1. 0:00Hi Jane.
2. 0:00>> I work in a law firm, and everyone's
3. 0:03very smart and intelligent, and we often
4. 0:06have many group meetings um with
5. 0:08internally uh with colleagues or with
6. 0:11clients.
7. 0:12>> Yes.
8. 0:12>> And I find it really hard to speak up in
9. 0:16those group situations, and as a
10. 0:19shy female uh Asian
11. 0:22>> [laughter]
12. 0:23>> lawyer, I just really struggle with
13. 0:26speaking up and making my voice heard,
14. 0:27and I often think that my I my ideas uh
15. 0:31not worth being heard. How What are your
16. 0:34tips for um overcoming that?
17. 0:40>> What do you think is I mean, tell me, do
18. 0:43you even start to voice it, or are you
19. 0:45fighting in your own mind and then not
20. 0:46even voicing it?
21. 0:48When you have ideas, do you even give it
22. 0:50a shot, or are you kind of stuck in here
23. 0:52and and don't share?
24. 0:55>> Sometimes I just kind of keep it inside,
25. 0:59um and not say it until kind of the
26. 1:02meeting's over.
27. 1:03>> Okay. So, that means you don't say it if
28. 1:05the meeting's over.
29. 1:06>> Correct.
30. 1:07>> Or you do bring it up as everyone's
31. 1:08leaving, or
32. 1:09>> Yeah, so it's kind of I struggle inside
33. 1:12my mind um whether or not I should bring
34. 1:14up a point or not. Um or whether I'm I
35. 1:18I'm just wasting other people's time if
36. 1:20I did speak up and talk about the idea.
37. 1:23>> Why do you think you're wasting other
38. 1:24people's time?
39. 1:25>> Because other people already know about
40. 1:28it, or I may not be technically correct.
41. 1:32>> Okay.
42. 1:33People all have this fear. Have you
43. 1:35heard of the psychological effect called
44. 1:37the spotlight effect?
45. 1:38>> No.
46. 1:39>> The spotlight effect is when people
47. 1:40think
48. 1:42all the attention's on me.
49. 1:44Everyone's thinking about me right now.
50. 1:46Everyone's thinking about the ideas that
51. 1:47I'm saying, and the ideas are probably
52. 1:48stupid. They're all Everyone's
53. 1:50Everyone's focused on me. But, the
54. 1:51reality is, do you know what everybody
55. 1:53is focused on?
56. 1:55>> Themselves.
57. 1:56>> They're focused on themselves.
58. 1:58Everyone is focused on themselves. So,
59. 2:00we go through life with this trap
60. 2:01thinking that everyone's judging me.
61. 2:03Everyone's going to think about how I
62. 2:05sound. Everyone's going to think about
63. 2:06the way I structured my idea. But,
64. 2:07everyone's actually thinking about
65. 2:09themselves. There's this brilliant quote
66. 2:10by Mark Twain
67. 2:12who says, "And and I Can I tell you that
68. 2:14I believe
69. 2:15and correct me if I'm wrong,
70. 2:18but I believe the core of this
71. 2:20comes from the fear of judgment.
72. 2:24Would you say that is correct that you
73. 2:25fear judgment? That if you share an idea
74. 2:27and and they think it's stupid, they got
75. 2:29it's going to ruin your reputation.
76. 2:31>> That's right.
77. 2:32>> It's the fear of judgment, right? But,
78. 2:33the fear of judgment comes from the
79. 2:34spotlight effect.
80. 2:36And we think that by saying one wrong
81. 2:38thing, it ruins our entire career. It
82. 2:41ruins our entire reputation. Now, there
83. 2:43are times when you can really eff
84. 2:44up,
85. 2:45but it's rare because of the person that
86. 2:47you are, I don't believe that will
87. 2:48happen.
88. 2:49You're suffering from the spotlight
89. 2:50effect,
90. 2:52where you
91. 2:53think that
92. 2:55everything you say
93. 2:57is going to be focused on like a
94. 2:58spotlight.
95. 3:00Whereas most people forget 80% of what
96. 3:02was just said.
97. 3:04And Mark Twain says, "You worry less
98. 3:06about what people think about you
99. 3:08when you realize how seldom they do."
100. 3:11So, the only way to free free yourself
101. 3:12of that judgment is you need to start
102. 3:15Can I ask you this? Do you find it
103. 3:16difficult to converse with people at
104. 3:18work? Do you find it difficult to start
105. 3:20conversations even?
106. 3:22>> No, I I can do small talk fine.
107. 3:24>> That's easy, right? It's more
108. 3:26high-stakes situations.
109. 3:27>> That's right.
110. 3:27>> Okay.
111. 3:28Here's a remedy that I would love to
112. 3:30share with you.
113. 3:31Have you heard of Toastmasters?
114. 3:33>> Yes, I have.
115. 3:34>> Okay. Have Do you Have you done it?
116. 3:35>> No, I haven't.
117. 3:36>> I would love you to go to a Toastmasters
118. 3:40event. Everyone in their groups gets a
119. 3:42turn to talk.
120. 3:43And they set up topics for you.
121. 3:45And I want you to talk about complex
122. 3:46topics that you would normally talk at
123. 3:48work in a high-pressure situation where
124. 3:50there's 20 strangers around you.
125. 3:52Practice in a low-threatening
126. 3:54environment. Practice in those moments.
127. 3:56Record yourself. Watch it back.
128. 3:59And truly ask yourself the question.
129. 4:02Was it poorly structured?
130. 4:03Was it poorly thought out? Was it poorly
131. 4:05shared?
132. 4:06Check your foundations.
133. 4:08Then take the transcript and put it into
134. 4:09chat GPT.
135. 4:11And say,
136. 4:12"The idea that I shared, was it poorly
137. 4:14worded and poorly framed?
138. 4:16How could I improve my delivery?"
139. 4:18You go through 20 cycles of that.
140. 4:21You will then gain the confidence to
141. 4:23share.
142. 4:25That That's what I would do.
143. 4:27So again, vocal foundations plus using
144. 4:29the technology we have access to, AI
145. 4:31now, to check the structure of us
146. 4:33sharing the thought.
147. 4:34You will learn so many different amazing
148. 4:36frameworks through chat GPT.
149. 4:38It will share with you prep fame
150. 4:40frameworks, star frameworks, three two
151. 4:42one. There's so many conversational
152. 4:43frameworks and idea sharing frameworks.
153. 4:46So put it through chat GPT. And you must
154. 4:48go to Toastmasters.
155. 4:50You must recreate high-pressure
156. 4:52situations where you're sharing.
157. 4:54Otherwise, you'll never get over the
158. 4:55fear.
159. 4:57>> So it doesn't help if I just record and
160. 4:59talk to myself at all.
161. 4:59>> You have to be in front of others.
162. 5:01Because the thing you fear is judgment.
163. 5:04You've got to get over it.
164. 5:06You You must put in the reps. I I was
165. 5:08sitting in the hotel lobby in New York
166. 5:13where I sat across a skyscraper a person
167. 5:15who cleaned windows. And I remember
168. 5:16saying to him, I'm like, "Shit, man. It
169. 5:17must be so scary going up the skyscraper
170. 5:19every day." And he just goes, "Nah.
171. 5:22You know what I call this? A Wednesday."
172. 5:24And he goes up and because he's done it
173. 5:25for 20 years.
174. 5:27It would scare the crap out of me cuz
175. 5:28I've never done it.
176. 5:29You have to face that fear.
177. 5:31And the more times you face that fear,
178. 5:33the less scary it becomes.
179. 5:35I can tell you're the kind of person who
180. 5:37has brilliant ideas within you. The fact
181. 5:39that you've been thinking about this,
182. 5:40you've got brilliant ideas.
183. 5:42You must overcome the fear.
184. 5:44You must put in the reps.
185. 5:45You must build that courage.
186. 5:47Don't let the songs within you
187. 5:50not be sung.
188. 5:51Yeah?
189. 5:52>> Thank you. Thank you, Vin.
190. 5:53>> Toastmasters?
191. 5:53>> Okay. I'll look into it. Thank you.
192. 5:55>> then when you do it, take a picture,
193. 5:58at me on Instagram, and I'm going to
194. 5:59share it.
195. 6:01I'm serious.
196. 6:03>> Okay. My local Toastmasters.
197. 6:04>> Yes. Find them. Go there. Share your
198. 6:06idea. Record it.
199. 6:08Go through the process.
200. 6:09>> All right. Well, we'll do that.
201. 6:10>> My pleasure. Thank you. Thank you for
202. 6:11the question. Well done. If you've made
203. 6:13it to the end of this video and you want
204. 6:15to go deeper, I've recorded a free
205. 6:162-hour training to help you solve one of
206. 6:18the biggest communication problems I
207. 6:20hear as a coach. Vin, I freeze when
208. 6:22someone at work asks me a question. Vin,
209. 6:24I struggle to articulate my thoughts and
210. 6:26turn those thoughts into words quickly.
211. 6:28Vin, I ramble too much and I don't know
212. 6:30how to structure what I say. The mental
213. 6:32models and communication frameworks I
214. 6:34share with you inside this training will
215. 6:36solve all of these problems. So, click
216. 6:38the link in the description to watch
217. 6:39that free training.