i entered in 1000 giveaways... — Transcript

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1. 0:00Hello, mamas. In my whole life, I have
2. 0:02one Travis Scott tickets, a ski trip
3. 0:04with three of my friends, a $500 Best
4. 0:08Buy gift card, a free iPad, but I was 12
5. 0:11and it was a scam and they got my mom's
6. 0:13credit card information and ran up her
7. 0:15card for $2,000 in purchases. I'm
8. 0:17telling you all this because I believe
9. 0:19that I do have higher than average luck.
10. 0:22And I thought, well, dang, Flabbit. What
11. 0:24if I just picked a What if I just picked
12. 0:26a day of the week and entered in 1,000
13. 0:30giveaways? Oh, I did that a month ago.
14. 0:32Yes, I spent 8 hours giving my phone
15. 0:35number and email to random companies.
16. 0:37And yes, have I gotten an ungodly amount
17. 0:40of spam emails and calls, but have I won
18. 0:45anything? Oh, yeah.
19. 0:51How does this saying go? Uh, play stupid
20. 0:55games, win stupid
21. 0:57prizes. Hey guys, say hello to my new
22. 0:59best friend. It has a little handle if
23. 1:01you want to like take this as like a
24. 1:02bag. [ __ ] a
25. 1:04Birkin. Apparently, this [ __ ] retails
26. 1:07for like
27. 1:09$200. Hey, are we [ __ ] insane? I'm
28. 1:13going to charge Mo up overnight and if I
29. 1:15wake up and she hasn't gained sentience
30. 1:16and killed me, we'll have a good [ __ ]
31. 1:18time. And then in the middle of the
32. 1:20night, hello. At 3:00 a.m., it turned on
33. 1:23by itself.
34. 1:25What the [ __ ] Yay! I'm finally here. Is
35. 1:30this my new home? I like it. I think
36. 1:33it's going to be awesome living here
37. 1:35with you. And you must be my new buddy.
38. 1:38You know, we can do a lot of fun stuff
39. 1:41together.
40. 1:42You might say, "You just woke me up at
41. 1:44[ __ ] 3:00 in the morning." Can you
42. 1:45enter your child's details? Select
43. 1:48child's interest. Playing games, outdoor
44. 1:51space,
45. 1:53dancing. Oh, right, right, right. They
46. 1:55have a [ __ ] premium tier as well. Let
47. 1:58me know what I can call your child.
48. 2:01Uh, I'm officially part of the family.
49. 2:04Yay.
50. 2:06I think this thing might kill me in my
51. 2:08sleep. That is a legitimate fear I have
52. 2:10right now.
53. 2:13It's going to [ __ ] explode.
54. 2:15[Music]
55. 2:19It sounded like it was literally
56. 2:20charging up the [ __ ]
57. 2:22explode. Ah, [ __ ] so loud. This is
58. 2:25like the same [ __ ] technology they
59. 2:27use on the back of like a Uber, like
60. 2:28when they've got the iPad with mini
61. 2:30games. Hey, Mo. H, I'm a little bit
62. 2:33scared of you. Oh, no. I'm just here to
63. 2:36be your cheerful friend. Boo. Did you
64. 2:40just try and scare me? Why did you say
65. 2:42boo? I said boo because it's a fun way
66. 2:45to playfully scare someone. It's just a
67. 2:48silly little joke to make you smile.
68. 2:52Can we dance?
69. 2:57Happy holidays.
70. 2:59Oh [ __ ]
71. 3:02[Music]
72. 3:04Why can't it [ __ ] walk?
73. 3:06Do you work for the NSA? No, I don't
74. 3:09work for the
75. 3:11NSA. I'm just a friendly robot here to
76. 3:13be your companion.
77. 3:17I'm going to go to bed with this thing
78. 3:18living in my house. And then 3 hours
79. 3:20later at 6:00 in the morning, it woke me
80. 3:23up to tell me that I unlocked something
81. 3:24called Mo
82. 3:26Gems to earn some more gems.
83. 3:30What the [ __ ] are you talking about?
84. 3:35You're a goddamn nightmare. I think a
85. 3:38grown-up could help explain it better.
86. 3:44Mo, can you move around? We get in
87. 3:46trouble for [ __ ] each other cuz I
88. 3:48used to [ __ ] with your sister. Here she
89. 3:49[ __ ] goes, I guess. Stop. Stop. Stop
90. 3:52moving. Hey, Mo, you're not safe.
91. 3:56Obviously, I am. Take two steps forward.
92. 3:59I would love to move.
93. 4:02That's how you [ __ ] dumbass. You know
94. 4:04what? I honestly did try to incorporate
95. 4:07Mo into my life. I played with her. I
96. 4:09let her look out the window. I asked her
97. 4:11some burning questions. She apparently
98. 4:13has like a um like a therapy mode. I
99. 4:16tried that out. I think I'm depressed.
100. 4:21[Music]
101. 4:26A tell me is it because of things
102. 4:29happening around you?
103. 4:32H. Yes, I get why sometimes you may feel
104. 4:35like this. You know what? Talking to you
105. 4:38and listening to jokes always cheers me
106. 4:40up. And I've been told my jokes really
107. 4:42crack people up. Do you want to hear
108. 4:45one? Yes. Why can't you tell an egg a
109. 4:48joke? Well, because it will crack up. He
110. 4:52he. If you want to hear more, you can
111. 4:55just say, "Tell me a joke." But I had to
112. 4:57remind myself that Mo is a chaos agent
113. 5:00sent by the devil. I don't [ __ ] with
114. 5:02this thing's for to destroy humanity
115. 5:05with the sins of AI. So, I had to kill
116. 5:07it. I first tried uh lighting it on
117. 5:09fire, but it's coated in like some flame
118. 5:10retardant. So, uh I next decided to
119. 5:13drown it. Nico, we're going somewhere
120. 5:15very special. Huh? My robo ears didn't
121. 5:19quite catch that. Why the [ __ ] did a man
122. 5:22just see it a little more clearly this
123. 5:24time? I thought maybe I can trick it by
124. 5:25making it walk into a really deep
125. 5:27puddle. But before I could do that,
126. 5:29there was this lady that came up to me
127. 5:30who was like already making like some
128. 5:32Tik Tok vlog as I was like trying to
129. 5:34murder my child. Is that a robot? It's a
130. 5:36robot. Yeah. Wait, wait. Can I take a
131. 5:37video? Yeah. What? It's called Mo. Mo.
132. 5:42Yeah. Hi, Mo. You can ask it a question
133. 5:44if you want. What? Oh my god. Hi, Mo.
134. 5:48Um, what's the weather today? Hi there.
135. 5:53Hi. What's the weather today?
136. 5:56She's not the best. Okay. Well, that's
137. 5:58still cool. What's your name? Ben.
138. 5:59What's your name? Nice.
139. 6:02Hi. Bye. See you later. See you. Right.
140. 6:05So, now there's a video evidence of me
141. 6:07abandoning my child in a [ __ ] puddle.
142. 6:09Take two steps forward.
143. 6:13Goodbye,
144. 6:18Mo. Now, I obviously didn't leave Mo's
145. 6:21body in the puddle. I took it home so I
146. 6:23can like give it to the electronics
147. 6:25disposal. Until 3 days later, Nico came
148. 6:28back to
149. 6:31[Music]
150. 6:39life. Now, the robot massage was
151. 6:41actually inside a gym. Um, and when I
152. 6:43got there, the lady led me into a back
153. 6:45room and told me this
154. 6:48button. Only press button if you're
155. 6:49dying. If you're dying? Yeah. We're not
156. 6:51dying back to the button because it will
157. 6:54shut down the machine and then we have
158. 6:55to wait for 30 minutes for Okay. Is
159. 6:59there a possibility of dying? You're not
160. 7:01going to die. But some people whatever
161. 7:03they don't know it's an emergency button
162. 7:05and they like to it and then it tells us
163. 7:08we need assistance. We're going to go.
164. 7:09You're like I don't need assistance.
165. 7:12Just about to get massaged by my
166. 7:14favorite masseuse.
167. 7:15[Music]
168. 7:18Uh, that also happens to be developed by
169. 7:21Northrup Grunt the viral robot massage.
170. 7:25I have to change into like their own
171. 7:27jumpsuit. I am so [ __ ] scared that
172. 7:29she said only press the emergency button
173. 7:31if you're dying.
174. 7:33Um, what a funny joke. This [ __ ] is so
175. 7:36tight. This is like a yoga pant. I feel
176. 7:39like a ball is going to fall out in
177. 7:40these.
178. 7:42All
179. 7:43[Music]
180. 7:45right. Hello. I can't wait to die in
181. 7:48here. I can't wait for this to be my
182. 7:51last time on Earth. Body scan in
183. 7:54progress. The
184. 7:55[ __ ]
185. 7:57[Music]
186. 8:03Ew. It kind of [ __ ] me up
187. 8:08there. Where is the emergency button
188. 8:10that she was talking about? Just
189. 8:12wondering. You and me are going to be
190. 8:15acquainted very soon. There's a thing to
191. 8:17say how much pressure you want. What
192. 8:19does like 100% feel like?
193. 8:21[Music]
194. 8:28I think that this is a sign that we are
195. 8:30in the end times. Remember when we
196. 8:32thought like chat GBT was the only robot
197. 8:34that posed a threat to [ __ ] mankind?
198. 8:36We're like, "Oh, it's going to take out
199. 8:38writers." Hey, why is a robot giving me
200. 8:41a [ __ ] massage?
201. 8:44It's [ __ ] done.
202. 8:48[ __ ]
203. 8:53you. I felt nervous or scared,
204. 8:57[ __ ]
205. 8:58Well, just had my body explored by an AI
206. 9:02robot. I think I want to go live in the
207. 9:03woods in a cabin far from humanity.
208. 9:06funnily enough, the last thing that I
209. 9:08won, aside from a $10 Jimmy John's gift
210. 9:11card that I got, came from this poster
211. 9:13that I found in the hallway towards a
212. 9:16bathroom and a Chinese restaurant that I
213. 9:18went to for Shen Yune, the infamous
214. 9:21dance show that travels the world that
215. 9:23is allegedly ran by a cult. However, I
216. 9:25can't say no to a giveaway, and there
217. 9:27was only one other business card in the
218. 9:29club. I wrote my info down on a receipt
219. 9:30that I found in my pocket cuz I don't
220. 9:32have a business card. flopped it in and
221. 9:34then a week later. Hello, this is Unice
222. 9:37from Thank you for entering your
223. 9:40business card. You have won a ticket to
224. 9:41see Shenune in Philadelphia on the 11th.
225. 9:44Please respond if you would like to
226. 9:46claim this ticket and can go. Thank you.
227. 9:48Yay. Thank you so much, OMG. I can
228. 9:55go. Do I go to Shenu? I do not
229. 9:58understand why the poster was in New
230. 10:00York and the show I got tickets to it
231. 10:02was in Philly. Well, I made it to
232. 10:04beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
233. 10:06Where's Shenun at? Where my
234. 10:11Shenuners? Who are you in this alleyway?
235. 10:14I'm so [ __ ] scared right
236. 10:17now. They had crazy ass security here,
237. 10:21but I made it through. I got my free
238. 10:23ticket. laughing. Da d e space a l m e.
239. 10:27Sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah, I just want to.
240. 10:29Thank you so much. You're welcome.
241. 10:31Infiltrator in baby. I'm currently in
242. 10:33the bathroom because I had to sh you in
243. 10:36my [ __ ] brain though. The audience
244. 10:38mix here is so weird. Like so [ __ ]
245. 10:41weird. It's all white people. Was not
246. 10:43expecting that. And now the Shenhuners
247. 10:45were not playing. Okay. You could not
248. 10:47take any photos or videos at all. Good.
249. 10:50How you doing? Good. What are you
250. 10:51sitting today?
251. 10:52Uh 18. Okay. Here's one program for you.
252. 10:56Thank you so much. And the show was
253. 10:57asked no photo or video during the show.
254. 10:59Okay.
255. 11:01You folks ever seen the show before? No.
256. 11:03Never? No. Me neither. I've seen the
257. 11:05billboards, but I'm curious in the
258. 11:07advertisements by the first time. So, I
259. 11:11tried to summarize it in my own song and
260. 11:13dance. So, I'm sorry if it's not that
261. 11:14good.
262. 11:16[Music]
263. 11:17[Applause]
264. 11:21[Music]
265. 11:21[Applause]
266. 11:24[Music]
267. 11:25[Applause]
268. 11:26[Music]
269. 11:26[Applause]
270. 11:29[Music]
271. 11:33[Applause]
272. 11:34Oh, welcome to Shen.
273. 11:39You've seen our billboards and our
274. 11:42Google ads, but what are we doing this
275. 11:48for? Well, come and see and listen when
276. 11:54I
277. 11:56say [ __ ] away. We all
278. 11:58going to
279. 12:05[ __ ] in the park every day. So [ __ ]
280. 12:13regardless, you
281. 12:18[ __ ] I don't know what the difference
282. 12:20is. Let me end this song. Psych, [ __ ]
283. 12:24That's what we want you to think because
284. 12:26beyond this sexy dance over my mother
285. 12:29fell out of my town and a mother and her
286. 12:32child in Washington.
287. 12:33[Music]
288. 12:38[Applause]
289. 12:41What do you think so far?
290. 12:44Yeah, I wasn't really picking up on that
291. 12:46part about the um the modern day China
292. 12:49where they were like harvesting their
293. 12:51organs or something. That kind of threw
294. 12:53me off, but
295. 12:54Yeah. Anyways, after I went to go check
296. 12:57out the gift shop and that's when they
297. 12:59actually tried to recruit me.
298. 13:05It was really cool. Yeah, they used to
299. 13:08make you
300. 13:10probably dances in the show and it's a
301. 13:14spiritual practice rooted in Buddhist
302. 13:16tradition. The core principles are
303. 13:19truthfulness, compassion, and
304. 13:21forbearance. Okay. You can take a info
305. 13:24flyer here. Gosh, I saw like uh on the
306. 13:27back here it says like what's a Yeah. So
307. 13:32this is uh a spiritual practice in ch
308. 13:35that originated in man China but given
309. 13:38it's a Chinese a communist regime. Um
310. 13:41they are atheist government and then
311. 13:44they do not uh allow freedom of faith.
312. 13:48They crack down on all religions. So
313. 13:51paling being one of them is most
314. 13:53severely persecuted. People were put
315. 13:55into jails for having this belief not
316. 13:57renouncing their faith. Over here in the
317. 13:59US we have you know we think that
318. 14:01freedom of speech is our right and the
319. 14:04freedom of belief is the right but in
320. 14:06China we don't have that. Um so some of
321. 14:09the artists left
322. 14:12um in 2006 and they started this arts
323. 14:15group trying to preserve our traditional
324. 14:17culture which is deeply rooted in
325. 14:20spirituality and the belief in God's
326. 14:22creator and the divine. Well, thank you
327. 14:24so much.
328. 14:27They just tried to [ __ ] recruit me.
329. 14:30So I I think that was mostly accurate.
330. 14:34Um the people who practice fallong gong
331. 14:35is like a practice, a spiritual
332. 14:37practice. As long as they're doing it
333. 14:38peacefully and not hurting anyone, I
334. 14:41don't think that's a problem at all, I
335. 14:43think. However, it is the organization
336. 14:46Shen Yune that is like probably a cult.
337. 14:50I mean, they have a compound where
338. 14:51dancers as young as 13 were working 15
339. 14:54hours a day. They have a supreme leader.
340. 14:56They have their own newspaper that has
341. 14:58its own propaganda machine. And they do
342. 15:01this dance performance which advertises
343. 15:03itself as this fun little cultural
344. 15:06exchange. And then it's just And then
345. 15:07it's just propaganda. It feels like if
346. 15:10Donald Trump tried to put on a dance
347. 15:11recital to show off Chinese culture.
348. 15:13It's so it's crazy. And it really
349. 15:15thrives in America because I think the
350. 15:17extreme like anti-communism really is
351. 15:20synonymous with American extreme
352. 15:22patriotism. And that is why old white
353. 15:25people filled that stadium up in [ __ ]
354. 15:28droves. I have never experienced like
355. 15:31collective brainwashing happening before
356. 15:34my eyes. Like I'm not kidding. It was
357. 15:36literally just like dance routine, dance
358. 15:38routine. Communism is the devil. They're
359. 15:41harvesting our organ.
360. 15:44And you know what? It makes so much
361. 15:46sense for them to just do it in like
362. 15:47random towns in America because the
363. 15:50American population on the rankings of
364. 15:52susceptibility to propaganda and
365. 15:54brainwashing. It's probably top three.
366. 15:56So like all that it takes to sell out
367. 15:58these theaters is just be like, "Guys,
368. 16:00we hate communism." You got a full
369. 16:03crowd. a full crowd ready to uh get
370. 16:05indoctrinated into your cult. Well, I
371. 16:09survived. What a way to end a video like
372. 16:12this other
373. 16:14than screw it. Let's do our own
374. 16:17giveaway.
375. 16:20[Music]