I Blew All My Funded Accounts (-$18,000 in 2 Days) — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01I'm going to make a video
2. 0:03today.
3. 0:06A video that I don't want to make,
4. 0:10but I think it's important
5. 0:12to document this on here.
6. 0:15Long story short,
7. 0:19it's gone.
8. 0:22It literally just happened, so my bad if
9. 0:24like I'm kind of out of it.
10. 0:27Um
11. 0:30So, let's do a little recap. And we're
12. 0:32going to talk about this. It's probably
13. 0:34better if I make this video later, but
14. 0:36I'm not going to want to make it later.
15. 0:38So, I I don't I don't want to make it
16. 0:39right now, but I'm going to have to just
17. 0:41make it. So,
18. 0:42basically, I blew all my accounts.
19. 0:44All of them.
20. 0:46Today. Yesterday and today.
21. 0:48And um
22. 0:51I essentially broke like every rule that
23. 0:54I even have in place.
24. 0:56Um and the most specific rule of all
25. 0:59is trading after 8:00 a.m. Pacific
26. 1:02Standard Time because I know there
27. 1:04there's a reason why I have that rule.
28. 1:07The reason for that rule is cuz more
29. 1:09often than not
30. 1:11after 8:00 a.m., typically,
31. 1:14we start to do some [ __ ] like this.
32. 1:18And so, it's to protect myself from
33. 1:20that,
34. 1:21I don't trade this.
35. 1:23Especially after we have a plan, we mark
36. 1:25out our target, and the target hits,
37. 1:27we're done.
38. 1:28I started this month with five funded
39. 1:31accounts that were all in profit like
40. 1:33two grand, one of them was in profit
41. 1:36seven grand.
42. 1:39And uh I had evals that were like
43. 1:42halfway done.
44. 1:44That was copy trading.
45. 1:46And then,
46. 1:48yesterday,
47. 1:51let's go back to yesterday.
48. 1:54Yesterday,
49. 1:57I took some L's in this area. During New
50. 2:00York, I went long here. I got stopped
51. 2:03out of it premature cuz I moved my stop
52. 2:06because I wanted to save some drawdown
53. 2:08if it didn't work out for the live
54. 2:11stream. So, I adjusted my trade just so
55. 2:13that I can stream
56. 2:15on live.
57. 2:16And uh it caused me to lose and then
58. 2:18watch my idea work out for like a
59. 2:21100-point win, essentially.
60. 2:25Then, because I missed that, I started
61. 2:27to tilt in this [ __ ] And then,
62. 2:29after price did this [ __ ] well, I
63. 2:32essentially blew all my accounts in this
64. 2:33balance.
65. 2:36Now, today,
66. 2:38I started again.
67. 2:41We were waiting. We tried to take a
68. 2:42trade here to go long.
69. 2:46I go long right here. I put my stop
70. 2:48right below the wick.
71. 2:49It ticked me out and then it ran.
72. 2:53And then, what do I do? If you had to
73. 2:54take a guess on where I [ __ ] blew my
74. 2:57accounts.
75. 2:59Right here.
76. 3:01I blew it right here.
77. 3:04In this [ __ ] right here.
78. 3:07In a 88-point range.
79. 3:12I blew the account that was supposed to
80. 3:14anchor my P&L for the month.
81. 3:17So,
82. 3:19for the past 10 months, I've been
83. 3:21following a system where I make sure
84. 3:23that I have one funded account at the
85. 3:25very minimum.
86. 3:28The very minimum that's payable.
87. 3:31That funded account that I had, I
88. 3:33actually had that account for 3 months.
89. 3:37I was like 50 winning days in.
90. 3:41I had a $7,000 balance, $7,300 balance
91. 3:44this morning.
92. 3:46Well,
93. 3:47it is gone.
94. 3:50Not only did I tilt one day, which
95. 3:53I've been doing a pretty good job of not
96. 3:55tilting for for a pretty long time. It
97. 3:58It used to be a really big problem for
98. 4:00me, and I have to actively try and
99. 4:02manage that
100. 4:03like every single day so that I don't I
101. 4:06don't have [ __ ] like this happen, right?
102. 4:07Because it it [ __ ] with everything.
103. 4:10Like my strategy and the way that I
104. 4:12trade, there's nothing to do right here.
105. 4:15Like there's no reason I should even be
106. 4:17trading this.
107. 4:18This has nothing to do with my strategy.
108. 4:21So, why do I trade it?
109. 4:23Well, because I'm on the fifth day. I'm
110. 4:26trying to lock in a $4,000 payout.
111. 4:29Um I'm down 300. So, check this out. I
112. 4:32was down 300 bucks.
113. 4:35And I I tried to just get back in the
114. 4:37green.
115. 4:39And I And I just I lost like [ __ ]
116. 4:42$7,500, $7,300.
117. 4:45It's a pattern. Okay, so this is the
118. 4:47pattern that that I think is causing
119. 4:49this. Okay.
120. 4:52I'm live streaming.
121. 4:54I'm live streaming all of my trades
122. 4:56usually. Usually live streaming.
123. 4:58So,
124. 4:59I go and I live stream.
125. 5:01I either win or I lose, and then I'm
126. 5:03done.
127. 5:05>> [snorts]
128. 5:06>> But recently, like the past
129. 5:09couple weeks, which I haven't been doing
130. 5:12before, but I've been doing it the past
131. 5:14couple weeks,
132. 5:16is I'll get off the stream and I'll
133. 5:18continue to trade.
134. 5:20Why?
135. 5:22I don't really know.
136. 5:24Uh
137. 5:25Well, I do know. I can make an
138. 5:27assumption on why that probably is. The
139. 5:28reason why that probably is is because
140. 5:32I go from a winning streak.
141. 5:35And then And like before the winning
142. 5:36streak, keep in mind,
143. 5:39I never really had like a
144. 5:41like a super long winning streak. It'd
145. 5:43be, you know, good risk management in
146. 5:45the sense of small losing days, bigger
147. 5:48winning days, losing days kind of
148. 5:50sprinkled throughout. And then I just
149. 5:52went on this like 7-week run of just
150. 5:55winning every single day.
151. 5:59And 7 weeks or almost 2 months of that,
152. 6:04I think probably built this like
153. 6:07overconfidence, but also just like
154. 6:11the the refusal to accept that I was
155. 6:15wrong on the day. Why else would I go
156. 6:17off of the stream and then start to
157. 6:21start to trade again. Like I'm trading
158. 6:23like a [ __ ] [ __ ] Like this is how
159. 6:25I traded like
160. 6:27when I was
161. 6:29this type of trading this these types of
162. 6:31behaviors and these types of things that
163. 6:33I'm doing is not
164. 6:35what helped me become profitable.
165. 6:37And I'm slipping into it. I'm slipping
166. 6:40into it.
167. 6:42I'm here. It happened. It happened
168. 6:44yesterday.
169. 6:46I took some time to think about it.
170. 6:48And then it [ __ ] happened again
171. 6:50today.
172. 6:51I have to start from square one this
173. 6:53month.
174. 6:55Which is not a good position to be in
175. 6:58and it's really dangerous, too, because
176. 7:00not only did I just blow like
177. 7:03we'll just call it like 17,000 in SIM
178. 7:06fund balance.
179. 7:08That was supposed to anchor a P&L. I was
180. 7:10I was the way I was planning this month
181. 7:12out, by the way, is like I was supposed
182. 7:14to start off the month with like a
183. 7:16$8,000 payout.
184. 7:18Then I was going to use those profits
185. 7:19and scale
186. 7:21scale evaluations and get more fundeds.
187. 7:24Now I'm in a position
188. 7:26where I'm going to have to go negative
189. 7:28on the month in the beginning.
190. 7:31And this hasn't happened in a long time.
191. 7:33So, I need to be extremely careful.
192. 7:37And honestly, like
193. 7:41I'm just like [ __ ]
194. 7:43in myself, dude. Like why?
195. 7:46I did such a good job for such a long
196. 7:48time like not allowing this type of
197. 7:51thrax, not allowing this type of person
198. 7:53to do this [ __ ]
199. 7:57And then it happened 2 days in a row.
200. 7:59And and and that's all it takes is 1 day
201. 8:02for it to destroy everything. Honestly,
202. 8:05yesterday I tilted on the big account,
203. 8:07too. I just got [ __ ] lucky.
204. 8:10But that luck
205. 8:12runs out. That's not how this works,
206. 8:15right? That's not how this works. You
207. 8:17don't just like continuously
208. 8:20do that type of behavior and get away
209. 8:22with it. You just
210. 8:24You're not going to get away with it.
211. 8:26And so
212. 8:29like today was that day.
213. 8:31Today was that day. I did not get away
214. 8:33with it. And it just got worse and worse
215. 8:35and worse and worse and I just like
216. 8:37flipping positions up and down and just
217. 8:41thinking that we were going to break
218. 8:42these highs and run and then they kept
219. 8:44hitting break even and then I kept
220. 8:46trying to go short and I'm on the
221. 8:471-minute.
222. 8:49I don't even trade the [ __ ] 1-minute.
223. 8:52You know what where there is a point
224. 8:53where
225. 8:54I dropped down, bro.
226. 8:57I dropped down
227. 8:59to the 15-second
228. 9:01time frame.
229. 9:04You know it's bad when I dropped down to
230. 9:06a 15-second time frame because I never
231. 9:08do that. I don't do that.
232. 9:13I thought that I
233. 9:14>> [laughter]
234. 9:15>> When I
235. 9:16the moment I went to a 15-second time
236. 9:18frame I already knew I was tilting at
237. 9:21that point. And I was like, well, [ __ ]
238. 9:22Now I'm on a 15-second time frame. This
239. 9:24is ridiculous. But I was down like 2
240. 9:26grand and my account was still at like
241. 9:285K.
242. 9:30But I just didn't want to end the day.
243. 9:32And then here's the problem, bro.
244. 9:35I I waited for this sweep right here and
245. 9:37then I go short. I go short. It starts
246. 9:40coming down.
247. 9:42My TP dead ass
248. 9:46was right here because what that was
249. 9:48going to do is going to make back all of
250. 9:50my losses and put me up $200 on the day.
251. 9:53Honestly, it's probably a good thing it
252. 9:55didn't hit here because then, you know
253. 9:57what?
254. 9:58If I got rewarded for this type of
255. 10:00behavior,
256. 10:02guess what?
257. 10:03I would have just [ __ ] done it again.
258. 10:08The only difference being at least I
259. 10:09would have had some money in my pocket.
260. 10:11But like, bro,
261. 10:14what am I doing? And I
262. 10:18I need to like take a step back for a
263. 10:20second
264. 10:21and and recollect my thoughts because
265. 10:24it's just like
266. 10:27I need to respect how dangerous this
267. 10:29game is and how fragile it is. And like,
268. 10:32the times where I start not respecting
269. 10:35that aspect of trading
270. 10:38is when I get reckless and I and I and
271. 10:40I'm too loose and
272. 10:44and it causes [ __ ] like this.
273. 10:47Now, yes,
274. 10:48I blew all my accounts today. Yes,
275. 10:51I am a profitable trader. Yes, last
276. 10:54month I made five figures from prop
277. 10:56firms net.
278. 10:59Month before that, I made five figures
279. 11:00with prop firms net. The month before
280. 11:02that, same [ __ ] okay? So like,
281. 11:06I just need to
282. 11:09I need
283. 11:11to settle down.
284. 11:12I need to just like
285. 11:14[ __ ] chill the [ __ ] out. And I
286. 11:17[ __ ] hate
287. 11:19making this video. Like, honestly, when
288. 11:22I blew my account when I blew my
289. 11:24accounts yesterday,
290. 11:26I was supposed to make this video
291. 11:30yesterday, but I didn't want to do
292. 11:33And if you don't post the YouTube
293. 11:35videos, like, bro, I I got dusted 2 days
294. 11:37in a row. I feel like [ __ ]
295. 11:40And it's And it's not It's not the fault
296. 11:43of anything. It's not all price action
297. 11:46or yada yada yada. It's not not none of
298. 11:50that, dude. It It's literally because of
299. 11:53me.
300. 11:54I'm a [ __ ] idiot when I when I do
301. 11:56[ __ ] like this.
302. 11:58And so, I build all these rules and and
303. 12:01procedures and and processes
304. 12:03in place to protect myself from myself.
305. 12:08And when I ignore that, well, then we
306. 12:10open up the door to some [ __ ] Then
307. 12:12we open up the door to what has happened
308. 12:142 days in in a row.
309. 12:17That door is supposed to stay closed.
310. 12:20We don't open this door.
311. 12:23It's a dangerous door. And so, here's
312. 12:25where we're at, okay?
313. 12:27I set myself up very well for this month
314. 12:29from last month. Last month was a good
315. 12:32month. I set myself up for this month as
316. 12:34long as I just did what I was supposed
317. 12:36to do. This month was supposed to be or
318. 12:39was probably going to be
319. 12:42a good month. Now, I [ __ ] it up. Okay,
320. 12:45nothing I can do about that other than
321. 12:48not have it [ __ ] happen again.
322. 12:52But, it's dangerous because I need to
323. 12:56remind myself that I can't rush back
324. 12:59into trying
325. 13:02to be where I was at. And with the
326. 13:05current market conditions, something
327. 13:07that I'm noticing is we are getting a
328. 13:09little bit more compression in New York,
329. 13:11and these are conditions that I should
330. 13:13be passive about and pass on.
331. 13:17I know that from years of trading the
332. 13:19way that I trade, I know I shouldn't be
333. 13:21trading that. So, why am I doing it now?
334. 13:25Probably cuz I [ __ ] think I'm the
335. 13:27[ __ ] Well, guess what Thrax?
336. 13:30You're not the [ __ ] You just lost 17
337. 13:33grand in 2 days.
338. 13:34This year
339. 13:362026, it's currently March 4th. This
340. 13:38year
341. 13:40I am up I've pulled 33,000
342. 13:44in payouts.
343. 13:46I've spent like 46 or $4,300
344. 13:50>> [sighs]
345. 13:51>> in fees. So, we're up net
346. 13:56before taxes about $29,000.
347. 14:00We'll just call it 15k for January, 15k
348. 14:04for February.
349. 14:06The problem is is that now we have to
350. 14:09dig into the profits from the year to
351. 14:12build our [ __ ] back.
352. 14:15And I do not
353. 14:16because this has happened before.
354. 14:18I do not want to go
355. 14:21into a spiraling tilt.
356. 14:24Trading out of frustration.
357. 14:26So, I think I'm going to
358. 14:28I think if I come back and I trade
359. 14:30tomorrow, that's what's going to happen.
360. 14:32So,
361. 14:34I might just
362. 14:36>> [sighs and gasps]
363. 14:36>> I might just have to take a couple days
364. 14:38like
365. 14:40I haven't had this happen in a long
366. 14:42time. So, it's like kind of throwing me
367. 14:44off.
368. 14:45Honestly.
369. 14:48I've been on top of my [ __ ] bro. I've
370. 14:49been on top of my [ __ ] for like
371. 14:52a long time
372. 14:53with trading.
373. 14:55And then today just kind of like
374. 14:57it reminds me of like the first 2 years
375. 14:59of trading and it's a weird feeling and
376. 15:01it doesn't feel good and it's like
377. 15:04I can't have those behaviors come back.
378. 15:08I need to do every I spent so much time
379. 15:11and so much effort
380. 15:14stopping those behaviors.
381. 15:17Now they're right in front of my face
382. 15:19and I'm doing it.
383. 15:20Man, what a brutal way to start the
384. 15:22month.
385. 15:24So, now I'm going to have to go buy
386. 15:25accounts. I'm going to start net
387. 15:27negative on the month.
388. 15:29I'm going to try manage the bankroll
389. 15:30properly to put me up.
390. 15:32But,
391. 15:34at this point it's like
392. 15:37where I got to rebuild. I have to
393. 15:39rebuild and I got to do a bit of damage
394. 15:42control.
395. 15:43And it's going to suck.
396. 15:45But, I got to do it.
397. 15:48So, yeah. Shitty shitty week, shitty
398. 15:51month so far.
399. 15:52I'm going to turn it around.
400. 15:54I'm going to turn that around, but
401. 15:56yeah, bro.
402. 15:58Brutal. Didn't want to make this video.
403. 16:00With full transparency, here it is. I
404. 16:03haven't blown accounts like this in
405. 16:05months. I haven't blown accounts like
406. 16:07this since
407. 16:09at least funded accounts, since like
408. 16:11like the middle of last year. Almost a
409. 16:13year.
410. 16:14I just need to remind myself, and this
411. 16:16is the last thing I'm going to say
412. 16:17before I go,
413. 16:19curl up in a ball and doom scroll and
414. 16:21[ __ ] review what happened today and
415. 16:23yesterday and really think about it.
416. 16:26I need to remind myself that
417. 16:28these behaviors that I
418. 16:32put a stop to,
419. 16:34okay? That I put a stop to for a long
420. 16:36time.
421. 16:37They don't just go away.
422. 16:40They don't just go away. They're still
423. 16:41there.
424. 16:43They're there [ __ ] every [ __ ] day.
425. 16:46And it's my job
426. 16:50doing this,
427. 16:52especially when I'm [ __ ] making
428. 16:53videos about it, right? Like it's just
429. 16:56it's just
430. 16:57a paradox. Like I'm making videos on
431. 17:00like what to do and what not to do,
432. 17:01right? And then like I'm over here doing
433. 17:03what I shouldn't be doing. It's like,
434. 17:04who the [ __ ] are you, right? But, I need
435. 17:07to remind myself that those those
436. 17:09behaviors, those emotions, those things
437. 17:11that cause days like this, they do not
438. 17:13go away. They don't go away for me. I
439. 17:15mean, maybe if you're like some type of
440. 17:17superhuman, then it might go away for
441. 17:20you, but for me, they don't go away. And
442. 17:22that's the entire purpose of having a
443. 17:24system and a process in place with
444. 17:26guardrails. The guardrails are not there
445. 17:29to follow them when I feel like it. The
446. 17:30guardrails and the rules are not there
447. 17:33for good days. They're They're there for
448. 17:35the bad days. And when I ignore it on a
449. 17:38bad day or when I ignore it at all,
450. 17:41destruction happens.
451. 17:43It took me
452. 17:45basically 2 years to build and
453. 17:48understand
454. 17:50where my weaknesses are
455. 17:53and to build a system around it to
456. 17:54protect myself. And when I follow it, I
457. 17:56do great.
458. 17:57Because I'm protecting myself from
459. 17:59myself. When I don't follow it, well,
460. 18:00here we are.
461. 18:02We're here.
462. 18:03This is it.
463. 18:05Everything gone.
464. 18:07You happy?
465. 18:08[ __ ] So, yeah. I mean,
466. 18:11that's about it, dude. Like,
467. 18:14think I actually these next videos I'm
468. 18:15going to talk about
469. 18:17this type of stuff.
470. 18:19But,
471. 18:20damn. Sorry for this like somber
472. 18:24[ __ ] but it is what it is. It happened.
473. 18:26I got to [ __ ] show it.
474. 18:28I show you the wins. Well, I got to show
475. 18:30you this.
476. 18:31And I can't show you the P&L cuz you
477. 18:32know what? It's gone. The accounts are
478. 18:34gone. I don't even have them anymore.
479. 18:36The moment that they blow, Topstep just
480. 18:38takes it away.
481. 18:40On the fifth day, too. I was supposed to
482. 18:41at the end of the day today pull a
483. 18:43payout.
484. 18:44Or if I just stopped and took my L
485. 18:45today, I was going to do it tomorrow.
486. 18:47L.
487. 18:48L trader.
488. 18:50Lot [ __ ] I got to review. Lot [ __ ] I got
489. 18:52to sit back and really think about.
490. 18:54But, you can't let it get to your head
491. 18:56because we can't
492. 18:58I cannot allow this
493. 19:00to affect what's coming
494. 19:04in the future because then I'll just
495. 19:06it'll compound.
496. 19:08So, it's better to just like take a step
497. 19:10back and sit for a little bit and think.
498. 19:13But anyways,
499. 19:15I'll catch you guys later.