I Became Transgender. Here’s Why I Regret It. — Transcript

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1. 0:00i lived eight years as laura jensen
2. 0:02until i woke up
3. 0:04and realized that it was totally insane
4. 0:07to live this out the the first time
5. 0:11that it happened in the 50s was
6. 0:13christine jorgensen but jenner took it
7. 0:15to the next level and and then 2015 it
8. 0:19began to explode are you a woman
9. 0:23um
10. 0:25yes for all intents and purposes i am a
11. 0:27woman my brain is much more female than
12. 0:29it is male 1 ladies and gentlemen
13. 0:32the courageous
14. 0:34the stunning
15. 0:36caitlyn jenner
16. 0:38we're ruining an entire generation of
17. 0:40children i find
18. 0:42even hearing about it and reading about
19. 0:44it so repugnant and so destructive to
20. 0:47children trans members of this family
21. 0:50all love each other so proudly and they
22. 0:52are bringing drag performers
23. 0:54together with little kids is kind of a
24. 0:56perfect relationship there are people
25. 0:58whose gender might be a little bit of
26. 1:00both
27. 1:01or might even be neither
28. 1:03and it's time that this stuff needs to
29. 1:05end we need men and women to step up and
30. 1:08say stop this nonsense
31. 1:10[Music]
32. 1:16i was born and raised in los angeles
33. 1:18california you know my upbringing was
34. 1:21pretty much a typical
35. 1:23california upbringing
36. 1:25in in los angeles in the early 40s it
37. 1:27wasn't really anything remarkable at
38. 1:29least not until uh my dad began to take
39. 1:33me over and drop me off at my grandma's
40. 1:36house grandma was a seamstress and made
41. 1:38dresses and i became very curious about
42. 1:41her work and my curiosity led to her
43. 1:45making me a purple chiffon dress
44. 1:48that she made just to fit my perfect
45. 1:50little four-year-old body you know at
46. 1:52first it felt really exciting to have
47. 1:54somebody telling me how wonderful and
48. 1:56cute i was but what i didn't realize was
49. 1:59happening as the second grandma began to
50. 2:02tell me how cute i looked in that purple
51. 2:04dress what she was really saying was
52. 2:06that there was something radically wrong
53. 2:09with the little boy that i really was
54. 2:11and so that
55. 2:12begins this sort of
56. 2:15creepy kind of
57. 2:16psychological and emotional destruction
58. 2:19that starts with inside a young boy four
59. 2:22years old who doesn't know
60. 2:24what the consequences are going to be
61. 2:27about putting on a dress at four years
62. 2:29old and keeping it a secret from my
63. 2:31parents for nearly two years
64. 2:33until i became so accustomed to wearing
65. 2:36that purple dress that i decided to take
66. 2:38the dress home so that i could put it on
67. 2:41when my parents weren't watching or when
68. 2:43i was alone and i could sort of listen
69. 2:46and hear those affirmations i became
70. 2:48sort of addicted to the affirmations and
71. 2:50hearing her say how cute i was so i had
72. 2:52the purple dress at home but my mom
73. 2:54found it found it in my bottom dresser
74. 2:56drawer
75. 2:57and she said well where did you get this
76. 2:59dress and i said well grandma made it
77. 3:01and that just blew the house up my dad
78. 3:04was upset my mom was upset it was
79. 3:07supposed to be a secret i broke the
80. 3:09secret
81. 3:10and as a result of that i could not go
82. 3:13back to grandma's house
83. 3:14without my mom or dad being with me
84. 3:17dad didn't know what to do his
85. 3:19mother-in-law had just been
86. 3:20cross-dressing
87. 3:22his young boy he was so angry at my
88. 3:25grandmother that he took his anger out
89. 3:28in his discipline on me and he started
90. 3:30hitting me with a hardwood floor plank
91. 3:32when i would do something wrong
92. 3:34sometimes he was just being way too
93. 3:36critical but it was
94. 3:38that what was built up in him because of
95. 3:40what happened to me he did not know what
96. 3:42to do if you can imagine in 1946 47
97. 3:46there's no information about kids
98. 3:48wearing dresses but the next part of the
99. 3:51equation was
100. 3:52his adopted brother uncle fred
101. 3:55heard about me wearing the purple dress
102. 3:57and uncle fred decided that i was fair
103. 3:59game
104. 4:00to be sexually abused uncle fred was not
105. 4:03playing with a full deck of cards and
106. 4:05he'd get drinking a little bit
107. 4:07and he would come looking for me
108. 4:09and he would molest me the emotional and
109. 4:12psychological issues that i had from
110. 4:15grandma affirming me i didn't really
111. 4:17realize the consequence of those for
112. 4:19many years
113. 4:20the hardwood floor plank obviously was
114. 4:23very devastating and then the sexual
115. 4:25abuse was sort of the cherry on top of
116. 4:28the cake i was a broken child before i
117. 4:30was 10 years old you know i i decided
118. 4:33that maybe i should have been a girl
119. 4:35not realizing that that what i was
120. 4:37trying to do was escape the abuse not
121. 4:40actually change who i was but it
122. 4:43resulted in
123. 4:44me going through this process for many
124. 4:46years of cross-dressing going out in
125. 4:49public as a female and so i i went
126. 4:52through this with even in my first
127. 4:53marriage i had two children i was an
128. 4:56executive for
129. 4:58american honda motor company i worked on
130. 5:00the apollo space missions as an
131. 5:01associate design engineer but that
132. 5:04purple dress the hardwood floor plank
133. 5:06and the sexual abuse was about to take
134. 5:09everything away
135. 5:10then the next
136. 5:12critical step was
137. 5:13struggling with my identity i went to a
138. 5:16gender specialist in san francisco
139. 5:18who promptly identified me with gender
140. 5:21dysphoria or gender identity disorder
141. 5:23and promptly told me that i needed
142. 5:25hormones and surgery that was the
143. 5:29treatment that he was prescribing
144. 5:32to help me end the cycle of the stress i
145. 5:36was having about my gender because of
146. 5:38what happened to me as a young child the
147. 5:40doctor i went to his name is dr paul
148. 5:42walker dr paul walker was a homosexual
149. 5:46transgender activist he felt his job was
150. 5:49to do like they're doing today is to
151. 5:51introduce people to hormones and surgery
152. 5:54as a process of treatment now keep in
153. 5:56mind dr paul walker was not just your
154. 5:58average therapist dr paul walker was the
155. 6:02author
156. 6:03the primary chairperson and author of
157. 6:05the harry benjamin international
158. 6:07standards of care
159. 6:09the very same standards of care that's
160. 6:11being used today that's called wpath
161. 6:13standards of care
162. 6:15his agenda was pushing
163. 6:17transgenderism pushing surgery
164. 6:20and pushing hormones
165. 6:22recklessly
166. 6:23and
167. 6:24really damaging someone's life like mine
168. 6:28i had kind of a
169. 6:30devastating
170. 6:32run of events when i was struggling with
171. 6:34alcoholism and drug addiction
172. 6:37i went into a treatment facility as
173. 6:39laura jensen and came out the other side
174. 6:42and i went through a two and a half or
175. 6:44three hour therapy session with my
176. 6:46psychologist and during that day i went
177. 6:48through all of the things that had
178. 6:50happened the sexual abuse the emotional
179. 6:52abuse the
180. 6:53the wrong
181. 6:54idea about going through this procedure
182. 6:56all the things i'd done wrong the
183. 6:58destruction i did to my children and my
184. 7:00ex-wife
185. 7:01and i
186. 7:03wrote everything down after speaking
187. 7:05about these issues and he put a match to
188. 7:07those yellow line paper
189. 7:09and and in the parking lot and those
190. 7:12papers began to burn and the wind gently
191. 7:15picked up the flame and
192. 7:16and the papers were burned up and it was
193. 7:18sort of that cathartic moment where you
194. 7:20realized okay all of that stuff now is
195. 7:22lifted off of my shoulders and he said
196. 7:25let's go back into my office and let's
197. 7:26pray well i'll be honest with you this
198. 7:28guy prays a lot and he prays for a long
199. 7:31time and i did not want to go back in
200. 7:33and pray with this guy because i figured
201. 7:34i'd be there for like an hour praying
202. 7:37and as he prayed
203. 7:39i kept hearing him and i kept thinking
204. 7:41is he going to end and then there was a
205. 7:43point in time
206. 7:44when i couldn't hear him praying anymore
207. 7:47and miraculously
208. 7:49what i saw at that moment that i
209. 7:51couldn't hear his voice was i saw the
210. 7:53lord jesus christ actually descending
211. 7:56toward me with his arms stretched out
212. 7:59and i looked in front of me and i saw
213. 8:01that he was reaching toward a little
214. 8:03baby and i looked at the baby and i go
215. 8:05that baby
216. 8:06is me
217. 8:07the lord is coming to claim me and he
218. 8:10turned to me and said your life
219. 8:13will be safe with me forever
220. 8:16and the lord disappeared i realized at
221. 8:18that very moment
222. 8:21the lord came to redeem and restore my
223. 8:23life so that i will serve him
224. 8:26every day after that date i wanted to
225. 8:29restore my life bring myself back to
226. 8:32reality so faith played
227. 8:35the pivotal role in me being here today
228. 8:3935 years sober married 24 years
229. 8:43and i detransitioned over 30 years ago
230. 8:46thank the lord i've been very successful
231. 8:49in providing help to many people i
232. 8:51haven't been able to help everybody but
233. 8:53i've been able to help a lot of people
234. 8:56and i'm very grateful for that and i'm
235. 8:58going to continue to speak out i'm going
236. 9:00to continue to work i'm going to
237. 9:02continue to try to help people who have
238. 9:04no other place to turn
239. 9:06and so i started a website called
240. 9:09sexchangeregret.com and i work every
241. 9:12single day with either a parent a father
242. 9:16a transgender who has regret like i did
243. 9:20i work with psychologists i work with
244. 9:23college professors i work with doctors i
245. 9:25work with lawyers
246. 9:27i am working to prevent people
247. 9:30from going through this totally
248. 9:32unnecessary insane surgical procedure
249. 9:36and that's why i'm so passionate about
250. 9:38trying to raise my voice and give people
251. 9:40the opportunity to go wait a minute
252. 9:42maybe this isn't right for me and i'm
253. 9:44going to continue doing it until
254. 9:46the lord comes and takes me home and
255. 9:49that's my mission is to stop people from
256. 9:52unnecessary surgery and stop the
257. 9:54advocates from lying to people about
258. 9:56them being able to change their gender
259. 10:06you