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I 5 Segreti Del Top 1% Per Farti Rispettare Da Chiunque — Transcript

by Giuseppe Castagna · 2,797 words · 409 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00If you really want to be respected,
0:02liked by people, and above all taken
0:05seriously, what matters more than
0:07anything else are your actions. I have
0:10spent the last 16 years of my life
0:12working with millionaire entrepreneurs,
0:14attending the most absurd meetings, and
0:16building companies with my wife. And
0:18every time, I saw firsthand the
0:20difference between those who truly earn
0:22respect and those who are always
0:23stepped over by others. And what I am
0:25going to show you are the five ways I
0:27have learned to make yourself respected
0:29, always and by anyone. Let's begin.
0:31For a lot of years, I thought that
0:33respect was something innate. You know
0:35those situations where someone walks
0:37into a room, a party, a bar, or a
0:39meeting, and is immediately listened to
0:40by everyone? Well, I always thought
0:43that was an innate thing. Then, in
0:46these 15 years as a business lawyer,
0:47what I realized is that respect is
0:49transmitted, and often, unfortunately,
0:51it must be imposed on others through
0:53our behaviors; and these are all
0:54behaviors and ways of acting that any
0:56of us can learn, which I personally
0:58learned over these years. And the first
1:01behavior that allows you to be
1:03respected is not a behavior, but a
1:06question. And it is a big question. Do
1:09you want to be respected by others or
1:11do you want to be liked by others? And
1:14I know it sounds like one of those
1:15motivational poster questions; I don't
1:17have it written behind me in this case,
1:19but it is the most practical thing you
1:21absolutely must ask yourself when you
1:23want to be truly respected by others,
1:24when you feel that, at work, in your
1:26family, or in any situation, you are
1:28not getting the respect and
1:29consideration you deserve. Because
1:31until you have decided between these
1:33two things, between respect and wanting
1:35to be liked by others, you are choosing
1:37the people who enter your life with the
1:40wrong criteria. And I know this very
1:42well, because personally, I am someone
1:44who has always tried to please others;
1:46I have always wanted to be liked by
1:47others and still today, unfortunately,
1:49I have to say, sometimes this attitude
1:51comes out. But the people I know today,
1:53especially in a professional setting,
1:55would be surprised to see the Giuseppe
1:57of a few years ago, because those
1:58behaviors—the ones that make you
2:00liked by others—no longer exist in my
2:01life. Because the problem is that when
2:04you haven't decided between the two
2:06things yet, when you haven't yet put
2:08respect above wanting to be liked by
2:09others, you start to get confused
2:11because you meet people and in some way
2:13you want to please them, and therefore,
2:15physiologically, you end up pleasing
2:16the wrong people. Because when you
2:19choose to please others, you do what
2:21we've been taught is right since we
2:23were children: you make compromises,
2:25you spend time with people in your
2:26private life or work who do things you
2:28don't approve of. But since you want to
2:31be wanted or accepted by those people
2:33in some way, you want them to like you
2:35rather than respect you, at that point
2:36you accept it anyway, and so you keep
2:38nodding along to something that is, in
2:40a way, like selling off a piece of
2:42yourself. For example, have you ever
2:44gone out with people who are drinking?
2:46For some reason you don't want to, but
2:48for some reason, you would feel left
2:50out, so you drink anyway. It happened
2:52to me when I smoked my first cigarette,
2:54though fortunately I quit 6 years ago;
2:55I was a freshman in high school, there
2:57was a girl I really liked, everyone was
2:58smoking, and I started smoking too at
3:00that moment. When you are a good person
3:03, unfortunately, you often confuse a
3:05deep friendship with just being
3:07friendly. And when you are playing by
3:10two different sets of rules, you play
3:11like a friend while the people in front
3:13of you, especially at work, play as if
3:14they were your enemies. And this leads
3:16us to make decisions based on what
3:18others think of us or what others want
3:20—our family, our partner, our boss,
3:22our friend, our dog—instead of those
3:24decisions we truly want that would
3:26allow us to respect ourselves first. So
3:29, in practice, the first thing you must
3:31do, the first behavior you need to
3:33change, is to look around, look at the
3:34people you spend time with, and you
3:36have to do it this week. Look at the
3:39people around you and ask yourself: "Am
3:41I making compromises? Am I behaving in
3:44a way that makes people like me rather
3:45than respect me?" Because without
3:48respect, your voice gets drowned out,
3:49and you can be good, likable, kind, you
3:51can be the most helpful person in the
3:52world, but you will never have the
3:54authority you deserve. And when I talk
3:56to others and bring up this point, this
3:58is the exact moment people tell me: "Ah
4:00, well, I can't do it." And this
4:02happens because usually, no one has
4:04ever explained the psychology behind
4:06these behaviors to us, and that is what
4:09I try to do on this channel every week.
4:12So, if this resonates with you,
4:13remember to subscribe because in these
4:15videos I break down a behavior that
4:17keeps us small and give you the tools
4:18you need to change it. So the first
4:21person who needs to respect you is you,
4:23but a decision made just once, a choice
4:25made every now and then, is something
4:27that nobody even notices. And this
4:29brings us to the second behavior needed
4:31to truly earn respect, which isn't
4:33about what you decide today, but about
4:35what happens next Tuesday, the Tuesday
4:36after that, and the Fridays of the next
4:38three months. Because consistent
4:42behavior repeated over a long period
4:44creates something incredible:
4:46self-confidence. And okay, hold on a
4:49second because I know this might seem
4:50like the most boring part of the video,
4:52but it makes total sense because it is
4:53the only one of the five behaviors
4:55we’re looking at here that you
4:56already have in your hands right now.
4:58You don't have to learn anything. And
4:59let me give you the most classic
5:01example of all: the gym. It’s so easy
5:04to sign up for a gym, so easy to be
5:05pumped up, look at the classes, and
5:07decide to go to that gym because, hey,
5:09it has a sauna, you even buy a whole
5:10new workout set, all fired up, and then
5:12after two weeks, you stop going. And
5:15the thing that drops in that moment
5:17isn't your physical fitness, but mainly
5:19the trust you have in yourself to
5:21follow through on a project or keep a
5:23commitment you’ve made. And this also
5:25happens with the people around you,
5:27like when, for example, you say, "Okay,
5:29I'll come to that dinner," and then
5:31cancel at the last minute. In that way,
5:33you're sending people a signal: that
5:34you aren't someone who keeps their word
5:36. Or when you demand respect from
5:38others, using the practical methods
5:40we’ll see very shortly, and the
5:41moment you only do it once, you convey
5:43the idea to people that "Okay, they
5:45tried, but in the end, they're still
5:46the same as before." Because that’s
5:49exactly the point: every decision you
5:51make and every time you stick to that
5:52decision, whether consistently or not,
5:54you are communicating the person you
5:55are to others; you’re communicating
5:57it on a level that isn’t even verbal
5:58—it’s unconscious. And this way of
6:01being consistent, besides guiding how I
6:03present myself to others, also manages
6:05to give me a measure of how serious
6:06other people are and how much respect
6:08they deserve from me. And in general,
6:10the best thing about consistency, both
6:12from others and from yourself, is that
6:14it is essentially already under your
6:16control. So when you say you’ll do
6:17something, you simply commit to
6:19yourself and you do it. And you can do
6:21the opposite too; if you have no
6:22intention of doing it, don’t commit,
6:24that's fine too. That is also
6:25consistent behavior, and that also
6:28automatically leads others to respect
6:30you. So, up to this point, we’ve seen
6:32two things that are under our control.
6:34The third one starts to get problematic
6:36because it begins to involve what isn't
6:39under your control: the people around
6:41you and what they allow themselves to
6:43do. We all have the illusion that we
6:46can somehow influence what others do.
6:50In reality, our ability, our
6:51possibility, and our power to direct
6:53the actions of others is practically
6:55non-existent. So the only thing we can
6:58do is decide our own behavior, and the
7:00most important part is setting clear
7:02boundaries. And here comes one of the
7:05lessons that cost me the most in recent
7:07years, because creating boundaries is
7:09actually very easy. I’m done with
7:10this video, you can set boundaries and
7:12barriers everywhere. The real problem
7:14is making them respected over time. And
7:16I’ll explain the difference with a
7:17trivial example. Let's say you decide
7:19that on Saturdays you won't answer work
7:21emails or calls; you do it one Saturday
7:23, then that email comes, that important
7:26thing, and you somehow justify it to
7:28yourself. Well, that boundary you
7:31created was immediately bypassed by
7:33your boss, your client, or someone else
7:34, and you immediately lost a big chunk
7:36of the respect that person had for you
7:38and what you were saying. In these
7:41years, I’ve learned a very practical
7:42way to set boundaries in my life. Now
7:44it comes automatically, but at the
7:46beginning, to learn it, I did this
7:47exercise which consists of two
7:49different steps. The first is to take a
7:51piece of paper. Grab one now, if you
7:52want, pause the video and write a list
7:54of behaviors you are no longer willing
7:56to tolerate from the people around you,
7:58from those who work with you, from
7:59those who live with you: the absolute "
8:01no's," the real ones, those things you
8:03no longer want in your life. For me, it
8:05was lack of respect at work, lack of
8:08respect regarding work payments,
8:10yelling or raised voices, or drama at
8:12home; these are things I cannot stand.
8:15And that whole series of things. Then
8:17you draw a line and make a second list,
8:19a list of the traits you would like in
8:21the people who enter your life, meaning
8:23those who aren't there yet, who maybe
8:25don't even know you exist, but are the
8:27people you want to surround you in your
8:29daily life. And now comes the
8:30uncomfortable part. Ask yourself if the
8:33time you spend is aligned with the list
8:35, if those behaviors you don't want in
8:37your life are present, and if the
8:39people around you reflect the traits on
8:41that second list. And if there is a
8:43misalignment between what you want and
8:45what you are doing—and allowing
8:47others to do—then we have found the
8:49first problem. And it was like that for
8:51me. I found myself in situations where
8:53I was surrounded by people who didn't
8:55respect me, or from whom I didn't
8:57demand enough respect, and whose
8:58behaviors didn't convey that they were
9:00obligated to respect me. So I acted on
9:02two fronts. First, I changed my
9:04behaviors, the ones we are seeing in
9:05this video, and then at a certain point
9:07, you know what I did? I cut off those
9:09people who simply wouldn't respect me,
9:10because frankly, there are nearly 9
9:12billion of us on this earth and I can
9:14do without a few. And remind yourself
9:16where we are going. We are building one
9:18thing together: that respect stops
9:19being something you ask for and becomes
9:21something others cannot help but give
9:23you. And the biggest objection I get
9:26when I reach this point is, "But I have
9:28to be around these people. I work with
9:30them, they are my relatives, my family
9:32members, I can't just remove them from
9:34my life." In those moments, saying "Go
9:36away, get lost." I know it's
9:38complicated, because those people are
9:39there for a reason. But I will tell you
9:42something that has proven true every
9:44single time in the last 39 years and 11
9:46months of my existence: every time I
9:48removed someone who didn't respect me
9:50from my life, my life never got worse,
9:52it always got better, always, every
9:54single time. Do you think that if you
9:57remove that person from your life,
9:58everything will fall apart? No, it's
9:59exactly the opposite. You leap forward
10:01because you no longer have anyone
10:02holding you down. So please, if someone
10:05is disrespecting you and you can't set
10:07boundaries, remove them from your life.
10:09You'll see what happens. And after
10:11you've made space, after you've set
10:12boundaries, and after you've removed
10:14the people who just didn't belong in
10:15your life, you'll see that you'll start
10:17to respect yourself more. It’s a
10:19process, it takes time, like all
10:21important things, but respect will
10:22start to come from others. The next
10:24step is to become truly good at
10:26something you do. And this is very
10:28useful, especially on a professional
10:30level, and I’ll explain it with an
10:32example. The question I ask myself, and
10:34that you should ask yourself too, is:
10:35does the environment I’m entering
10:37become better because I’m there?
10:40Because if you bring an improvement to
10:41the overall environment, because you
10:43are truly good at what you do, respect
10:44from other people is born automatically
10:46. This is another way to tell people "
10:49Okay, I have value, respect me," but
10:50it’s not enough because many are
10:52jerks, and so maybe if you have value
10:53they try to crush you, but I assure you
10:55that if you surround yourself with the
10:57right people, this changes everything.
10:59And the first thing I do to evaluate if
11:01what I’m doing is valid and deserves
11:03respect, and above all to evaluate if
11:04the other people around me deserve mine
11:06, is to look at a number. So, focusing
11:08on just one thing. I’ll give you an
11:11example: this YouTube channel has
11:12off-the-charts numbers because I sat
11:13down, studied, and committed myself to
11:15this single thing to try to make my
11:17numbers extraordinary, and in the same
11:18way, thanks to numbers, you can
11:20evaluate others because it’s
11:21something rooted in reality. When you
11:24say a person is good at social media,
11:25they could be a social media manager
11:27who doesn't produce a single piece of
11:28content even if you paid them, but
11:30they’re very good at social media, so
11:31what respect does that person deserve
11:33professionally? So the next step, the
11:36behavior to put into practice, is to
11:38become truly good at something in the
11:39next 6, 12, or 18 months of your life.
11:42Because when you bring numbers that
11:44demonstrate results, respect is
11:45automatic, and at that point, those who
11:46don't respect you should simply be cut
11:48off. And after you've done this,
11:51something crazy will happen, something
11:53incredible, what no one says in videos
11:55like these, what they don’t tell you
11:57because they want to sell you a fairy
11:59tale: that is, there will still be a
12:01ton of people who won't respect you.
12:05And here, the difference with yourself
12:07is made by what you decide to do with
12:08these people. The trick is not to use
12:11their lack of respect as an excuse to
12:13stop trying. So the central question of
12:16all this reasoning we are doing
12:17together: do you respect the way you
12:19behave? Because if you respect yourself
12:21, then whether the world judges you,
12:23says mean things, or writes the most
12:25absurd things, it's the world's problem
12:26, it's no longer your problem, because
12:28in the end, respect is in our actions
12:30and in our results. And don't talk
12:33about it, and above all don't complain
12:35that others somehow don't respect you,
12:37because honestly, with all the
12:38affection in the world, nobody gives a
12:40damn about that complaint. So keep your
12:44head down and get to work, because with
12:45what we've seen in this video, it's
12:46only a matter of time before you truly
12:48get the respect of the right people.
12:51But all these things we've talked about
12:53assume one single thing: that you can
12:54get rid of someone, like that relative
12:56at Christmas dinner, or the boss you
12:58can't fire because you need the job. I
13:01explain how to handle these situations
13:03in this video on the right, where I
13:04talk specifically about the people you
13:05can't remove from your life who
13:07disrespect you. Thanks for making it
13:09this far with me. See you soon. Sending
13:11you a hug.

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