How To Use Chat GPT to Actually Change Your Life — Transcript
Full transcript
- 0:00I need to tell you something and it
- 0:01might frustrate you. You have access to
- 0:04what is arguably the most powerful
- 0:06personal development tool ever created
- 0:09in human history. It's sitting on your
- 0:11phone right now. You probably used it
- 0:13this morning and you're using it to
- 0:15write emails, fix grammar, and ask it
- 0:18what to make for dinner.
- 0:20That's like being handed a private jet
- 0:22and using it to store luggage. I'm
- 0:23talking about AI, ChatGPT, Claude,
- 0:27whatever you use. And before you roll
- 0:29your eyes and think this is another 10
- 0:31AI hacks to boost your productivity
- 0:33episode, it's not. I'm not going to
- 0:35teach you how to automate your inbox or
- 0:38write better LinkedIn posts. I'm going
- 0:40to show you how to use this tool to do
- 0:43something that no app, no course, or no
- 0:46journal has ever been able to do at this
- 0:49speed. Have an honest, structured,
- 0:52zero-judgment conversation with yourself
- 0:55about who you are, what you actually
- 0:57want, where you're stuck, and what to do
- 1:00about it. Because here's what nobody is
- 1:02talking about. The most powerful use of
- 1:05AI is not productivity, it's
- 1:07self-awareness. And self-awareness is
- 1:10the single skill that predicts success
- 1:12in relationships, career, health, and
- 1:15mental well-being more than IQ, more
- 1:18than talent, more than education, more
- 1:21than connections. Dr. Tasha Eurich's
- 1:23research found that although 95% of
- 1:26people believe they're self-aware, only
- 1:30about 10 to 15% of people actually are.
- 1:33That gap between who you think you are
- 1:36and who you actually are is where most
- 1:39of your problems live. And for the first
- 1:41time in history, you have a tool that
- 1:44can help you close that gap on demand,
- 1:46at midnight, without an appointment,
- 1:48without the fear of being judged,
- 1:50without the pride that keeps you from
- 1:52being honest with another human being.
- 1:54Now, I do want to be really careful
- 1:56before I go on and say this. AI is not a
- 1:59replacement for human connection. If you
- 2:01try to do that, it will probably worsen
- 2:03your life. But it is a great place to
- 2:06reflect, to have deeper, more profound
- 2:08conversations with the people around
- 2:10you. It is an incredible tool for
- 2:12self-awareness that you can use to then
- 2:15elevate and connect with other people
- 2:17around you. Do not let AI replace humans
- 2:20in your life. It won't serve you well.
- 2:23And at the same time, don't forget that
- 2:25even though it doesn't judge you,
- 2:27sometimes it does hype you up for no
- 2:28reason. So, you got to be careful about
- 2:30that as well. Today, I'm going to give
- 2:32you seven ways to use AI as the most
- 2:35powerful personal growth tool you've
- 2:37ever touched. Not theory, exact prompts,
- 2:40exact frameworks, things you can do
- 2:42tonight that will show you parts of
- 2:44yourself you've been avoiding for years.
- 2:47But first, I need to reframe what this
- 2:49tool actually is. Because the way you
- 2:52think about it right now is the reason
- 2:55you're wasting it. Most people think of
- 2:57ChatGPT as a search engine that talks
- 2:59back. You ask it a question, it gives
- 3:02you an answer. That's level one. That's
- 3:04the luggage in the private jet. Here's
- 3:07what ChatGPT actually is when you use it
- 3:10correctly. It's an externalized thinking
- 3:13partner. It's a mirror that talks. It's
- 3:16the conversation you need to have with
- 3:18yourself but can't. Because when you try
- 3:21to think about your own life, your own
- 3:23patterns, your own blind spots, your
- 3:25brain does something incredibly
- 3:27unhelpful. It protects you.
- 3:29Psychologists call this the
- 3:31introspection illusion. Dr. Emily Pronin
- 3:34at Princeton has published research
- 3:36showing that when we look inward, we
- 3:39don't actually see ourselves clearly. We
- 3:42see a curated, self-serving narrative.
- 3:45We skip over the uncomfortable parts. We
- 3:47rationalize. We reframe failures as bad
- 3:50luck and successes as talent. Not
- 3:53because we're dishonest, but because the
- 3:55brain's job is to maintain a coherent
- 3:58self-image. And coherence requires
- 4:01editing. This is why journaling often
- 4:03goes in circles. This is why thinking
- 4:06about your problems at 2:00 a.m. makes
- 4:08them worse, not better. This is why
- 4:10talking to yourself in your own head
- 4:12rarely produces breakthroughs. Your
- 4:15brain is both the investigator and the
- 4:17suspect. It can't interrogate itself
- 4:20honestly. But when you type your
- 4:22thoughts into ChatGPT and ask it to
- 4:24reflect them back to you, reorganized,
- 4:27reframed, challenged, you're doing
- 4:29something your brain can't always do
- 4:31alone. You're creating cognitive
- 4:34distance. You're externalizing the
- 4:36internal monologue so you can look at it
- 4:39instead of being trapped inside it. Dr.
- 4:41Ethan Kross at the University of
- 4:43Michigan, one of the leading researchers
- 4:45on self-talk and emotional regulation,
- 4:48has shown that even small acts of
- 4:51psychological distancing, like referring
- 4:53to yourself in the third person,
- 4:55dramatically improve your ability to
- 4:58reason about your own problems. You gain
- 5:00clarity the moment you stop being inside
- 5:03the thought and start looking at it from
- 5:05the outside. ChatGPT doesn't just give
- 5:08you distance, it gives you structured
- 5:10distance. It can organize your chaos. It
- 5:13can find the pattern in your rambling.
- 5:15It can ask the follow-up question you'd
- 5:17never think to ask yourself because your
- 5:19ego is standing in the way. That's what
- 5:22we're going to use it for today. The
- 5:24seven uses. Use number one, the life
- 5:28audit you've been avoiding. Let's start
- 5:30with the thing most people will never do
- 5:32on their own because it's too
- 5:33uncomfortable and too overwhelming. Most
- 5:36people have never sat down and honestly
- 5:38evaluated where they actually stand
- 5:41across the major areas of their life.
- 5:44Not where they think they stand. Not
- 5:46where they tell people they stand. Where
- 5:48they actually stand. Health,
- 5:50relationships, career, finances, mental
- 5:53state, personal growth, purpose. The
- 5:56reason most people avoid this is simple.
- 5:59Confronting the gap between where you
- 6:01are and where you want to be triggers
- 6:03what psychologists call cognitive
- 6:05dissonance. The discomfort of holding
- 6:08two contradictory beliefs
- 6:09simultaneously. I believe I'm someone
- 6:12who has their life together versus I
- 6:14haven't exercised in 4 months and I'm in
- 6:17debt. The brain resolves this discomfort
- 6:20not by changing behavior, but by
- 6:22avoiding the information. You don't look
- 6:25at your bank account. You don't step on
- 6:27the scale. You don't ask yourself hard
- 6:28questions. Because not knowing is more
- 6:32comfortable than knowing and not acting.
- 6:35ChatGPT eliminates the social cost of
- 6:38dishonesty. There's no face on the other
- 6:40side. No judgment, no pity, no one who
- 6:43will bring this up at dinner next week.
- 6:45Here's the prompt and I mean use this
- 6:47word for word. I want to do an honest
- 6:50life audit. I'm going to rate the
- 6:52following areas of my life from 1 to 10
- 6:55and give you a brutally honest
- 6:57description of where I am in each one.
- 7:00After I'm done, I want you to identify
- 7:02the patterns you see, the areas where
- 7:05I'm lying to myself, and the one change
- 7:07in each area that would create the most
- 7:10momentum. Be useful. The areas are
- 7:13physical health, mental health, romantic
- 7:15relationship, friendships, career
- 7:18fulfillment, finances, and fun. I'll go
- 7:21one at a time.
- 7:23Then go through each one. Don't perform.
- 7:26Don't write what you tell someone you're
- 7:27trying to impress. Write what's actually
- 7:30true. The messier, the better. What
- 7:33you'll get back will make you
- 7:34uncomfortable. That's how you know it's
- 7:36working. ChatGPT will find the thread
- 7:39between your three out of 10 in health
- 7:41and your four out of 10 in energy and
- 7:44your five out of 10 in career
- 7:45fulfillment and say something like, "The
- 7:48pattern here suggests that your physical
- 7:50neglect isn't separate from your
- 7:52professional stagnation. They're feeding
- 7:55each other." That's not a generic
- 7:56insight. That's a connection your brain
- 7:58wouldn't make on its own because it's
- 8:00been too busy keeping those categories
- 8:03in separate mental drawers so they don't
- 8:05confront each other. Do this once, just
- 8:08once. It will reorganize how you see
- 8:11your own life. Use number two, reverse
- 8:14engineer your self-sabotage patterns.
- 8:17This one's going to feel like being read
- 8:19by a psychic. Except it's not psychic,
- 8:21it's pattern recognition. And pattern
- 8:23recognition is what AI does better than
- 8:25any human on the planet. Here's a truth
- 8:28most people resist. You don't have 100
- 8:30problems. You have two or three problems
- 8:33that are creating 100 symptoms. Let me
- 8:37say that again. You don't have 100
- 8:40problems. You have two or three problems
- 8:42that are creating 100 symptoms. The
- 8:46person who can't commit in relationships
- 8:48is often the same person who can't
- 8:50finish projects at work and also can't
- 8:52stick with a workout program. It's not
- 8:54three separate failures, it's one
- 8:56pattern. Likely a fear of completion
- 8:59because completion invites judgment,
- 9:01expressing itself across multiple
- 9:03domains. But you'll never see that
- 9:05pattern on your own because from inside
- 9:07your life, each problem looks separate.
- 9:10Each failure has its own story, its own
- 9:12justification, its own but that
- 9:14situation's different. Here's the
- 9:16prompt. I'm going to describe five
- 9:18situations where I felt stuck, failed,
- 9:22self-sabotaged, or quit something
- 9:24important. I want you to analyze them
- 9:26not as separate events, but as
- 9:28expressions of a deeper pattern. What am
- 9:31I actually afraid of? What belief about
- 9:34myself is driving this? What is the
- 9:37hidden payoff I'm getting from this
- 9:39pattern? The thing it protects me from.
- 9:42Be direct. Don't sugarcoat it. Then
- 9:45describe five situations. The
- 9:47relationship that didn't work out, the
- 9:49job you quit right when it was getting
- 9:51good, the goal you abandoned at 70%. The
- 9:54conversation you avoided, the
- 9:56opportunity you talked yourself out of.
- 9:59What comes back will be uncomfortable
- 10:01because AI doesn't have a stake in your
- 10:03self-image. It just sees the data, and
- 10:06the data usually tells a story you've
- 10:08been avoiding. I had someone tell me
- 10:10they did this, and the response
- 10:11identified that every situation they
- 10:14described involved leaving before they
- 10:17could be evaluated.
- 10:19Not failing, leaving. Most of us leave
- 10:23something because of a fear of judgement
- 10:26before we ever fail. Most of us don't
- 10:29start something because we're scared of
- 10:31judgement before we even try. Because
- 10:34somewhere deep in their operating system
- 10:36was the belief that being evaluated
- 10:39would reveal that we weren't enough. So,
- 10:42we built a life that looked like, "I
- 10:44just haven't found my thing." When the
- 10:46truth was, "I keep quitting before
- 10:49anyone can grade my work." That's not a
- 10:51productivity problem. That's a core
- 10:53wound wearing a hundred different
- 10:56costumes. And once you see it, you can't
- 10:58unsee it. That's the beginning of
- 11:00change.
- 11:01Use number three, build your personal
- 11:04operating system. This is where it goes
- 11:06from reflection to architecture. Most
- 11:09people don't have a personal operating
- 11:11system. They have a collection of
- 11:13reactions. Something happens, they
- 11:15respond. Someone says something, they
- 11:17react. The day throws a problem at them,
- 11:19they scramble. There's no underlying
- 11:22framework, no principles they've
- 11:24actually articulated, no rules of
- 11:26engagement with their own life. They're
- 11:28improvising every day and wondering why
- 11:31they feel chaotic. The most effective
- 11:34people in history operated from a small
- 11:37set of deliberately chosen principles
- 11:39that govern their decisions. Not goals,
- 11:43principles. Ray Dalio built the world's
- 11:46largest hedge fund and credits his
- 11:48success almost entirely to what he calls
- 11:51his principles, a written operating
- 11:53system for decision-making. The Stoics
- 11:56carried set of maxims they reviewed
- 11:59daily. Benjamin Franklin tracked
- 12:01thirteen virtues on a weekly scorecard.
- 12:04You can build your own, and ChatGPT can
- 12:07help you build it from your own
- 12:09experience instead of someone else's
- 12:11book.
- 12:12Here's the prompt. I want to build a
- 12:14personal operating system, a set of five
- 12:17to seven core principles that will guide
- 12:20my decisions, relationships, and daily
- 12:22behavior. But, I don't want generic
- 12:25principles from a book. I want you to
- 12:27help me extract them from my actual
- 12:29life. I'm going to tell you about my
- 12:31biggest regrets, my proudest moments,
- 12:34and the lessons I've learned the hard
- 12:35way. From those, I want you to distill
- 12:38the principles that are already inside
- 12:40me. The ones I discovered through
- 12:42experience, but never formally
- 12:44articulated. Then format them into a
- 12:47personal code I can review every
- 12:49morning. Then give it the raw material.
- 12:52Tell it about the time you said yes when
- 12:54you should have said no. The moment you
- 12:56were proudest of yourself and why. The
- 12:59relationship that taught you the most.
- 13:01The failure that changed your
- 13:02trajectory. The value you hold that you
- 13:05never compromise on.
- 13:07What comes back is not a motivational
- 13:09poster. It's a mirror of your own
- 13:11hard-won wisdom organized into a
- 13:13structure you can actually use. Most
- 13:16people walk around carrying profound
- 13:18life lessons that are just floating in
- 13:20the back of their mind, unstructured and
- 13:23unused. This process pulls them out,
- 13:26names them, and turns them into a
- 13:28decision-making framework that is
- 13:30uniquely yours.
- 13:31Print it, put it on your wall, put it as
- 13:34your phone's wallpaper, read it every
- 13:36morning. Not because someone told you,
- 13:39but because these are the principles
- 13:40your own pain taught you. You just never
- 13:43wrote them down. Use four, have the
- 13:46conversation you're afraid to have
- 13:48before you have it. This is one of the
- 13:50most practically powerful uses of AI for
- 13:53personal growth, and almost nobody's
- 13:55doing it. You have a conversation you're
- 13:57avoiding right now. I know you do. Maybe
- 14:00it's with your partner about something
- 14:01that's been bothering you for months.
- 14:03Maybe it's with your boss about your
- 14:04role. Maybe it's with a friend who
- 14:06crossed a boundary. Maybe it's with a
- 14:08parent about something that happened
- 14:09years ago. You're avoiding it for one of
- 14:12two reasons. Either you don't know how
- 14:14to say what you feel without it going
- 14:16sideways, or you're afraid of the
- 14:18response you'll get. Usually both.
- 14:21Here's what most people do instead. They
- 14:23rehearse the conversation in their head
- 14:26over and over, playing both parts,
- 14:29writing the other person's dialogue for
- 14:31them based on their worst assumptions.
- 14:33And by the time they've rehearsed it
- 14:35forty times in the shower, they've
- 14:37worked themselves into such an emotional
- 14:39state that either they explode when they
- 14:42finally have it, or they've convinced
- 14:44themselves it's not worth having at all.
- 14:47Dr. James Pennebaker's research at the
- 14:49University of Texas at Austin, decades
- 14:52of work on expressive writing, shows
- 14:54that the act of difficult emotions into
- 14:57structured language reduces their
- 15:00physiological impact. Literally.
- 15:03People who wrote about their deepest
- 15:05conflicts showed improved immune
- 15:08function, lower blood pressure, and
- 15:10reduced anxiety compared to people who
- 15:13kept those conflicts internal. It's not
- 15:16the feeling that hurts you, it's the
- 15:18unstructured, unspoken feeling that
- 15:21hurts you.
- 15:22ChatGPT lets you structure the unspoken.
- 15:26Here's the prompt. I need to have a
- 15:27difficult conversation with the person,
- 15:30their role, not their name. Here's the
- 15:33situation. Describe it honestly. Here's
- 15:36what I feel about having said. Get it
- 15:38all out. Don't filter. Here's what I'm
- 15:41afraid will happen if I say it. Name the
- 15:43fear. I want you to help me do three
- 15:46things. First, help me clarify what I
- 15:48actually need from this conversation,
- 15:51not what I want to say, but what outcome
- 15:53I need. Second, help me find the words
- 15:56that are honest, but not destructive.
- 15:59Third, play the role of this person and
- 16:01respond the way they're most likely to
- 16:03respond so I can practice navigating it.
- 16:06That third part is where it gets
- 16:08transformational. You can actually have
- 16:10the conversation with ChatGPT playing
- 16:13the other person. Not in a manipulative,
- 16:15"Give me the script to win" way, but in
- 16:18a, "Let me practice saying the truth out
- 16:20loud so it's not the first time these
- 16:22words leave my body" way.
- 16:24Athletes visualize before they compete.
- 16:27They train, too. They train the exact
- 16:30ways and methods and strategies that
- 16:31they're going to play. Surgeons rehearse
- 16:34before they operate. Why would you go
- 16:36into the most important conversation of
- 16:38your year without a single practice rep?
- 16:41And here's what happens that most people
- 16:43don't expect. Often in the process of
- 16:45writing out what you feel and what you
- 16:47need, you realize the conversation you
- 16:49thought you needed to have is not the
- 16:52conversation you actually need to have.
- 16:55The real issue surfaces. The real need
- 16:57clarifies. And sometimes the
- 17:00conversation becomes unnecessary because
- 17:02the act of externalizing and structuring
- 17:05the feeling was itself the resolution.
- 17:08Use five, build a custom accountability
- 17:10system that actually works. Let me tell
- 17:13you why most accountability fails. It
- 17:15fails because it's built on motivation,
- 17:18and motivation is neurologically one of
- 17:20the least reliable systems in the human
- 17:22brain.
- 17:23Motivation is governed largely by
- 17:24dopamine, and dopamine is not a reward
- 17:27chemical, it's an anticipation chemical.
- 17:30Dr. Andrew Huberman, who we've had as a
- 17:32guest on the show, has explained this
- 17:34extensively. Dopamine surges when you
- 17:37anticipate a reward, not when you
- 17:39receive it. This means you get a rush of
- 17:42motivation when you set a goal, buy the
- 17:44gym membership, write the plan, and then
- 17:47dopamine drops because the anticipation
- 17:49is over.
- 17:50The actual work has no chemical reward
- 17:53attached to it. This is why you have
- 17:55eleven and a half-finished journals,
- 17:58four abandoned morning routines, and a
- 18:00meditation app you haven't opened since
- 18:02January. The solution isn't more
- 18:04motivation, it's a system that doesn't
- 18:07require motivation. And this is where
- 18:09ChatGPT becomes something no human
- 18:11accountability partner can be. Here's
- 18:14the prompt. I want you to be my
- 18:16accountability partner.
- 18:18Here's the one habit I'm trying to
- 18:19build. Name it. Here's my history with
- 18:22it. How many times I've tried and failed
- 18:25and why I think I keep failing. Be
- 18:27honest. Here's what my typical day looks
- 18:29like. Describe it. I want you to design
- 18:32a system for me that is so small I can't
- 18:35fail at the starting point. Then I want
- 18:38you to check in with me every time I
- 18:39message you by asking me one specific
- 18:42question about whether I did it. If I
- 18:44make excuses, call me out. Not harshly,
- 18:47but directly. If I'm struggling, help me
- 18:50adjust the system, not abandon it. Track
- 18:53my streak, celebrate the wins, and if I
- 18:55disappear for a few days, the first
- 18:57thing you should say when I come back
- 18:59is, "Welcome back. No judgement. Let's
- 19:02start again." The key here is so small I
- 19:05can't fail. This is based on Dr. BJ
- 19:08Fogg's research at Stanford on behavior
- 19:11design. Fogg's work, developed over
- 19:13decades and tested across thousands of
- 19:15participants, shows that the most
- 19:17effective way to build a habit is not to
- 19:20set ambitious targets. It's to make the
- 19:22initial behavior so tiny that it
- 19:24requires almost zero motivation. Want to
- 19:27meditate? Start with one breath. Want to
- 19:30exercise? Start with putting your shoes
- 19:32on. The behavior itself is almost
- 19:35irrelevant at the start. What matters is
- 19:38the repetition because repetition is
- 19:40what builds the neural pathway that
- 19:42eventually becomes automatic. ChatGPT
- 19:45won't forget it. It won't get tired of
- 19:47asking. It won't judge you for failing
- 19:49on day three. And most importantly, it
- 19:52won't let you quietly abandon the
- 19:54commitment the way you would if nobody
- 19:57was watching. You're not weak for
- 19:59needing a system. You're human.
- 20:01Willpower is a finite neurochemical
- 20:04resource. Systems are infinite. Use
- 20:07number six, decode your emotional
- 20:09patterns in real time. This one is
- 20:12closest to therapy, and I want to be
- 20:14clear. Chat GPT is not a therapist. It
- 20:18is not a replacement for professional
- 20:19mental health support. If you're dealing
- 20:21with clinical depression, trauma, or
- 20:24crisis, please seek professional help.
- 20:27But here's what Chat GPT can do that is
- 20:28genuinely transformative for the
- 20:30millions of people who aren't in crisis,
- 20:33but are emotionally stuck. Most people
- 20:35can describe what they feel. Angry, sad,
- 20:38anxious, frustrated. But almost nobody
- 20:41can explain why they feel it. Not the
- 20:44surface reason, not the trigger, the
- 20:46real reason. You think you're angry at
- 20:48your partner for not doing the dishes.
- 20:50But the anger is disproportionate to the
- 20:52offense.
- 20:54The real trigger is that the undone
- 20:55dishes activated a belief you've been
- 20:58carrying since earlier in your life,
- 21:00that your needs don't matter, that
- 21:02you'll always be the one who has to
- 21:04carry things, that no one shows up for
- 21:06you.
- 21:07Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, one of the
- 21:09most cited neuroscientists alive, has
- 21:11demonstrated through her research on
- 21:14constructed emotion that emotions are
- 21:16not hardwired reactions. They're
- 21:18constructed by the brain using past
- 21:21experience, context, and prediction.
- 21:24Your anger at the dishes is not about
- 21:26the dishes. It's your brain constructing
- 21:28an emotional response based on a
- 21:30lifetime of similar patterns. But you'll
- 21:32never see that construction in real
- 21:34time. Not without an outside perspective
- 21:37that can trace the thread. Here's the
- 21:39prompt. I'm having a strong emotional
- 21:41reaction right now, and I want to
- 21:43understand it, not just feel it. Here's
- 21:46what happened. Describe the situation.
- 21:49Here's what I feel. Name the emotions.
- 21:51Here's how intense it is on a scale of 1
- 21:53to 10. Rate it. Now, here's what I need
- 21:56you to do. The intensity of my reaction
- 21:59probably doesn't match the size of the
- 22:01event. That means this is triggering
- 22:03something deeper.
- 22:05Ask me questions one at a time to help
- 22:07me trace this feeling back to its real
- 22:10source.
- 22:11Not the surface trigger, the original
- 22:13wound. Help me find the pattern. And
- 22:16then let it ask you questions one at a
- 22:18time. When was the first time you
- 22:20remember feeling this way?
- 22:22Who in your early life made you feel
- 22:23like your needs were an inconvenience?
- 22:26What would you need to hear right now
- 22:28from the person who originally made you
- 22:30feel this way? This is essentially a
- 22:32guided emotional excavation, and it
- 22:35works because the AI has no agenda. It's
- 22:38not going to redirect to its own
- 22:39problems. It's not going to get
- 22:41uncomfortable. It's not going to
- 22:43minimize what you're feeling because it
- 22:45has its own feelings about the
- 22:46situation. It's just going to follow the
- 22:48thread. Use this when you're triggered.
- 22:51Use this when you've overreacted. Use
- 22:53this when you're feeling something big
- 22:55and you don't understand why.
- 22:56The pattern is always there. You just
- 22:58need someone to help you dig. Use seven,
- 23:01write the letter you'll never send. This
- 23:04is the most emotionally powerful use on
- 23:06this list, and it costs you nothing but
- 23:09honesty. There's someone in your life,
- 23:11past or present, who you have unfinished
- 23:13business with. Someone you never said
- 23:15the real thing to. Maybe it's a parent
- 23:17who hurt you in ways they'll never
- 23:19understand.
- 23:20Maybe it's a friend who betrayed you,
- 23:22and you never confronted them. Maybe
- 23:24it's a younger version of yourself that
- 23:26you've been punishing for years. Maybe
- 23:29it's someone who died before you could
- 23:30tell them what they meant to you. Dr.
- 23:33James Pennebaker, the same researcher I
- 23:35mentioned earlier, found that writing
- 23:37unsent letters to people who have hurt
- 23:40you, disappointed you, or left your life
- 23:43produces measurable psychological and
- 23:45physiological healing.
- 23:47Participants who engaged in expressive
- 23:49writing about their deepest relational
- 23:51wounds showed reduced depression,
- 23:54improved emotional regulation, and even
- 23:56enhanced immune function. Effects that
- 23:59persisted for months after the writing.
- 24:02The reason this works is that unresolved
- 24:04emotional business takes up active
- 24:06cognitive resources. Dr. E.J. Masicampo
- 24:10and Dr. Roy Baumeister published
- 24:12research showing that unfulfilled goals
- 24:15and unresolved experiences occupy
- 24:18working memory, fragmenting attention,
- 24:21and draining mental energy. Your brain
- 24:23treats them like open browser tabs.
- 24:26They're always running in the
- 24:27background, consuming resources even
- 24:29when you're not looking at them. Writing
- 24:31the letter closes the tab, not because
- 24:34the person reads it, because your brain,
- 24:37through the act of structured
- 24:38expression, moves the experience from
- 24:41active processing into resolved memory.
- 24:44Here's the prompt. I need to write a
- 24:46letter I'm never going to send. It's to
- 24:49Describe the person in your
- 24:50relationship. Here's everything I've
- 24:53been carrying that I never said.
- 24:55Let it all out. The anger, the grief,
- 24:57the love, the confusion, the hurt,
- 24:58whatever's real. I want you to help me
- 25:01do two things. First, take what I've
- 25:03written and reflect back to me the core
- 25:05emotions and unmet needs underneath all
- 25:08of it. What I was really asking for that
- 25:11I never received. Second, help me write
- 25:14a final version of this letter that is
- 25:16completely honest, completely
- 25:18unfiltered, and says everything I need
- 25:20to say as if I had no fear of
- 25:22consequences.
- 25:24Do not edit yourself when you write the
- 25:25raw version. Don't make it fair. Don't
- 25:28be balanced. Don't consider their
- 25:30perspective.
- 25:31That's not what this is for. This is for
- 25:34you. This is the thing you've been
- 25:35carrying in your chest for years that
- 25:37you've never put into language because
- 25:40there was never a safe space to put it.
- 25:42Here's what I want you to sit with. You
- 25:44spend hours on your phone every day
- 25:46scrolling content that was engineered to
- 25:47hold your attention, but not improve
- 25:49your life. You consume other people's
- 25:51thoughts, other people's opinions, other
- 25:53people's arguments, other people's
- 25:55carefully curated highlight reels. And
- 25:57at the end of the day, you haven't spent
- 25:59a single minute in structured
- 26:00conversation with yourself. You know
- 26:03yourself less at the end of the day than
- 26:05you did at the beginning because every
- 26:07piece of external content you consumed
- 26:09pushed you further from your own signal
- 26:12and deeper into everyone else's noise.
- 26:15The tool that could change that is
- 26:17already on your phone. It's already
- 26:19free. It's already available at midnight
- 26:21when you can't sleep because your brain
- 26:22won't stop running. It's already there
- 26:24at 6:00 a.m. when you start staring at
- 26:26the ceiling wondering why you feel
- 26:28stuck. All you need is 10 minutes. Give
- 26:31it a go, and let me know how it goes. I
- 26:34wish you all the best, and I can't wait
- 26:36to see you again. Remember, I'm forever
- 26:38rooting for you, and I'm always in your
- 26:40corner. If this is the year you're
- 26:41finally ready to start that business,
- 26:44level up your goals, or build real
- 26:46momentum in your life, you need to hear
- 26:48my conversation with Alex Hormozi. I
- 26:51have a a very simple framework that I
- 26:52encourage people who are starting out to
- 26:54follow, which I call closer. So, C
- 26:56stands for clarify, which you begin the
- 26:58conversation with like, "Hey, why'd you
- 26:59respond to my thing?"
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