How to Turn Small Talk Into Deep Conversation (Psychology) — Transcript

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1. 0:00here's a critical life skill they don't
2. 0:03teach you in school how to make great
3. 0:05conversation it will allow you to build
4. 0:08powerful personal and professional
5. 0:10networks that will change your life
6. 0:13let's walk through the four principles
7. 0:15of a master
8. 0:18conversationalist principle one create
9. 0:22doorknobs doorknobs are questions that
10. 0:24invite the other person to tell a story
11. 0:27in response stop signs are questions
12. 0:29that invite the other person to give an
13. 0:31answer that ends the conversation a stop
14. 0:34sign question would be where did you get
15. 0:37married the other person would answer
16. 0:39with a simple response of a location a
17. 0:42doorknob version of that same question
18. 0:44would be how did you choose your wedding
19. 0:47location it would invite the other
20. 0:48person to actually tell a story which
21. 0:50would lead to more conversational
22. 0:52momentum that you can build upon door
23. 0:55knobs are the key to building a great
24. 0:58conversation in my book The types of
25. 1:00wealth I offer a handful of conversation
26. 1:03starters doorknob questions that you can
27. 1:05use to create that conversation momentum
28. 1:08here are a few of them what are you most
29. 1:10excited about right now personally or
30. 1:13professionally it invites the other
31. 1:15person to tell a story about something
32. 1:18that brings them energy about something
33. 1:20they're excited by what was your
34. 1:22favorite or least favorite thing about
35. 1:24your hometown a simple way to get the
36. 1:27other person animated and excited
37. 1:29telling a story about where they're from
38. 1:31what is the most interesting thing
39. 1:33you've read or learned recently another
40. 1:36way to get a conversation going with a
41. 1:39question that invites a story so in your
42. 1:41next conversation leverage principle one
43. 1:44create door knobs use those conversation
44. 1:46starters or create your own and you'll
45. 1:48find that there's more momentum to start
46. 1:51a
47. 1:52conversation principle number two be a
48. 1:55loud listener this is a piece of advice
49. 1:58that comes from New York 's best-selling
50. 2:00author David Brooks the idea of loud
51. 2:03listening is that you want to show the
52. 2:05other person that you are listening with
53. 2:07your actions body language or with
54. 2:09simple sounds that you make in response
55. 2:12things like mhm or yeah as the other
56. 2:15person speaking show that you are
57. 2:17listening leaning forward and opening up
58. 2:20your body language towards them is
59. 2:22another simple way of doing it changing
60. 2:24your facial expression to react to
61. 2:26things the other person's saying to show
62. 2:28that animation show that excitement and
63. 2:30show that interest all of these things
64. 2:32will encourage the other person to
65. 2:34continue pushing the conversation
66. 2:36forward it will make them feel more
67. 2:38engaged because you are being more
68. 2:41engaged principle number three repeat
69. 2:45and follow active loud listening leads
70. 2:48nicely into this third principle repeat
71. 2:51and follow you want to repeat back to
72. 2:55the other person the things that you are
73. 2:56hearing in your own words and then build
74. 2:59upon them them the follow so you are
75. 3:01going to hear what they are saying
76. 3:03you're going to process it in your own
77. 3:04mind you're going to repeat it back to
78. 3:06them in your own words and then follow
79. 3:09on with some new idea some new insight
80. 3:11or some new thing that pushes the
81. 3:13conversation forward as you engage in
82. 3:15the active loud listening you are going
83. 3:18to be able to do this naturally you're
84. 3:19going to be able to process what you're
85. 3:21hearing repeat it back to the other
86. 3:23person and follow on whether it's with
87. 3:25your own Insight or another doorknob
88. 3:27question that continues to build that
89. 3:29conversational momentum that leads to
90. 3:31more connection with the other
91. 3:34person and finally principle number four
92. 3:37make situational eye contact all of the
93. 3:41advice you've been given on eye contact
94. 3:43is wrong staring the other person in the
95. 3:46eye the entire time you're having a
96. 3:48conversation starts to appear rather
97. 3:51psychotic make situational eye contact
98. 3:54deep and engaged while the other person
99. 3:57is speaking but then more casual while
100. 4:00you are speaking it's okay to look
101. 4:02around as you think and as you formulate
102. 4:04your own thoughts but while the other
103. 4:06person is speaking you should be locked
104. 4:08in on them if you stare at someone while
105. 4:11you speak it makes them a little bit
106. 4:13uncomfortable given you are trying to
107. 4:15build a connection for the future with
108. 4:17this conversation this idea of
109. 4:19situational eye contact is going to lead
110. 4:22to more comfort more connection and
111. 4:24better conversational momentum that
112. 4:26lends itself to that engaged early
113. 4:29relationship build
114. 4:30building those four principles will help
115. 4:33you become a better conversationalist
116. 4:36becoming a better conversationalist will
117. 4:38dramatically change your life you'll be
118. 4:40able to build better relationships
119. 4:42personally and professionally and as we
120. 4:44all know relationships are the key to
121. 4:47building a healthy wealthy life I walk
122. 4:51through these principles and More in my
123. 4:53new book the five types of wealth it is
124. 4:55a transformative guide to design and
125. 4:58build your life around the things that
126. 5:00you truly care about you're going to get
127. 5:02immense value from this book you can buy
128. 5:05it anywhere books are sold or go to the
129. 5:07five typesof wealth.com if you enjoyed
130. 5:10this please like And subscribe to the
131. 5:12channel and as always until next time
132. 5:15stay curious friends