How to Stop Overthinking — Transcript

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1. 0:00What if I told you that thinking like
2. 0:01the top 1% has nothing to do with being
3. 0:04smarter? Here's the truth. I grew a
4. 0:05multi-million dollar business from
5. 0:07nothing but training my mind to think
6. 0:09less, not more. I'm going to give you
7. 0:11the six mental frameworks that separate
8. 0:13the doers from the thinkers. But here's
9. 0:14the catch. At the end, I'm going to test
10. 0:16you to see whether you're actually ready
11. 0:18to think like the top 1% or you're
12. 0:20addicted to complexity and overthinking
13. 0:22just like everybody else. Here's the
14. 0:23first framework that's going to piss off
15. 0:26every productivity guru and person who
16. 0:28worships them. Okay, most people they
17. 0:30see the world in black and white.
18. 0:31Success or failure, good or bad, quit or
19. 0:34continue. Real life is messy, is nuance,
20. 0:37is not perfect. The quickest way to
21. 0:39think more clearly is to avoid binary
22. 0:41thinking. Okay, this single mindset
23. 0:43shift saved me years of wasted effort
24. 0:45and honestly so much turmoil. The top
25. 0:481%, they use and not or. Okay, they hold
26. 0:51conflicting truths simultaneously. I'll
27. 0:54give you some examples. This person
28. 0:55screwed up and they've done good things.
29. 0:58This plan is painful and it might still
30. 1:00work. I'm scared and I can still do it.
31. 1:03This launch flopped and it taught me
32. 1:05what to fix and leaves room for nuance
33. 1:08and prevents you from blowing up your
34. 1:11life just because reality is messy. The
35. 1:13hardest and that I've had to hold is I'm
36. 1:16successful and I'm still figuring it
37. 1:18out. For the longest time, I used to
38. 1:20think to myself that if I did anything
39. 1:22to conflict with the person I wanted to
40. 1:24be, with being successful, with being
41. 1:26perfect in somebody else's eyes, that I
42. 1:28was a bad person. And so, a mantra that
43. 1:30I started saying to myself was I would
44. 1:31say, "I'm a good person and I do bad
45. 1:33things sometimes." And it sounds silly
46. 1:35and ridiculous, but it was probably one
47. 1:36of the most relieving things I could
48. 1:37have ever done for myself because I held
49. 1:39myself to this unrealistically high
50. 1:41standard. And it's just like created a a
51. 1:42huge level of relief for me. It's also
52. 1:44allowed me to have more clarity of
53. 1:46thought. So what you want to do is you
54. 1:47want to start using and statements in
55. 1:50your hardest moments. I feel like giving
56. 1:52up and I can take one more step. This is
57. 1:55harder than I thought and I'm still
58. 1:57learning and I will continue to learn.
59. 1:58Thinking in ands builds mental
60. 2:00flexibility. It can give you clarity and
61. 2:02it also gives you emotional resilience
62. 2:04because when we speak with ors, we also
63. 2:06make ourselves feel worse than we
64. 2:07already feel. This next framework will
65. 2:09make you realize why you're stuck in
66. 2:11these mental loops. inversion thinking.
67. 2:13The top 1%, the people with the biggest
68. 2:15businesses, the most money, the best in
69. 2:18shape bodies, the strongest
70. 2:19relationships, they don't focus on how
71. 2:21to win. They actually focus on how to
72. 2:23avoid failure. Most people believe that
73. 2:25if they just think more that they're
74. 2:27going to make better decisions, that
75. 2:29they're going to make more money, that
76. 2:30somehow their life is going to get
77. 2:31better. As if there's some level of
78. 2:32genius that you unlock through like
79. 2:34overanalysis, like suddenly you're going
80. 2:36to become like Warren Buffett overnight,
81. 2:37right? like, okay, if I think enough
82. 2:39each day, I'm going to unlock perfect
83. 2:41solutions. I'm going to have the best
84. 2:42life ever. I used to think this way. I
85. 2:44used to think that planning and
86. 2:46obsessing meant that I would be more
87. 2:48prepared to take action. But actually,
88. 2:50all that extra thinking actually makes
89. 2:52you worse. And here's why. Okay. One,
90. 2:54overthinking fuels overconfidence bias,
91. 2:57making you believe that just because
92. 2:59you've crafted this incredibly detailed,
93. 3:02flawless plan that it's actually going
94. 3:04to work and that it will work better
95. 3:05because you thought about it more.
96. 3:06That's That's not true at all. In fact,
97. 3:09it just makes us feel better. It doesn't
98. 3:10actually mean that we will do better.
99. 3:12The second reason is it causes
100. 3:14confirmation bias where you selectively
101. 3:16gather reasons to justify what you
102. 3:18already want to do. So, here's what the
103. 3:21thought thinking productivity industry
104. 3:24won't tell you. Overthinking is
105. 3:25procrastination dressed up as
106. 3:27productivity. My biggest breakthroughs
107. 3:29came from asking one question, which was
108. 3:31how could this go wrong? Inversion
109. 3:33thinking flips the question from how do
110. 3:35I succeed to what would guarantee
111. 3:38failure? And so it's easier to spot
112. 3:40failure patterns than to predict
113. 3:41success. That's because avoiding the
114. 3:43pitfalls increases your odds
115. 3:45drastically. So let me give you an
116. 3:46example of this. Okay, building a $100
117. 3:48million business. Instead, I say, what
118. 3:50would guarantee that I fail at building
119. 3:52a $und00 million business? I would hire
120. 3:54incompetent people. I would have no
121. 3:56technology to support growth. I would
122. 3:58treat people like those are all the
123. 4:00things that I would have to do to fail.
124. 4:01And so how do I succeed? I do the
125. 4:03opposite of those things. And so that's
126. 4:05why inversion thinking is such a great
127. 4:07unlock because you essentially take the
128. 4:08things that would create the failure and
129. 4:11you turn them around which is what
130. 4:12creates success. So you want to stop
131. 4:14trying to think your way to success and
132. 4:16start thinking your way around failure.
133. 4:18The next time that you're planning
134. 4:19something, ask yourself, what would
135. 4:21guarantee that I fail at this? And how
136. 4:23do I avoid those specific traps? If
137. 4:26you're a chronic overthinker, the
138. 4:27inversion framework is for you. I have a
139. 4:29somewhat controversial opinion which is
140. 4:31I think that most people are addicted to
141. 4:33their own suffering. Okay, sunk cost
142. 4:35fallacy. This is when you stay committed
143. 4:38to bad decisions because you've already
144. 4:40invested time, money, or energy even
145. 4:42though the thing no longer makes sense.
146. 4:44Most people, they stay stuck with bad
147. 4:46decisions, not because they're working,
148. 4:49but because they don't want to waste
149. 4:50what they've already put in. Okay? So,
150. 4:52for example, I spent 2 years of my life
151. 4:54building a product I knew wasn't
152. 4:57working. I knew that the market didn't
153. 4:58really want it, but I had already
154. 4:59invested so much of my time into it. I
155. 5:02didn't end it soon enough because I was
156. 5:03protecting my ego rather than my future
157. 5:05self. And I remember the day that I said
158. 5:07like, I cannot do this anymore. This is
159. 5:09not the right thing. Like, if I were to
160. 5:10start from zero today, I just wouldn't
161. 5:12build this. And it was the most freeing
162. 5:14day of my life. And it was when
163. 5:15everything changed for me. I said, if I
164. 5:16can get rid of this business that I put
165. 5:182 years of my freaking life into, I can
166. 5:21get rid of anything because it doesn't
167. 5:22matter. It's not for me anymore. And so
168. 5:24if you're a top 1% thinker, you ask
169. 5:26yourself this question. If I had nothing
170. 5:28invested in this thing, would I still
171. 5:31start this today? Would I still be with
172. 5:33this person today? Would I still pursue
173. 5:35this path today? Would I still make this
174. 5:36decision today? If the answer is no,
175. 5:38it's time to pivot or walk away. Another
176. 5:40example I can give you, you might relate
177. 5:41to this. When I was 23, right before I
178. 5:44met Alex, I got a dog. Loved the little
179. 5:46dog. Sweet little dog. I wanted a dog
180. 5:48for so long. I love that dog. And then I
181. 5:49started a business a year later. And all
182. 5:51of a sudden, all the joy that that dog
183. 5:53gave me was replaced by all the stress
184. 5:54of having to travel and then having
185. 5:56someone to take care of it and then him
186. 5:57hating them away all the time. All these
187. 5:59things. And I remember about 11 months
188. 6:00in, I asked myself, if I didn't already
189. 6:02have the dog, would I get a dog today?
190. 6:04And the answer was no. So what did I do?
191. 6:06I found him a family with kids and a
192. 6:08yard and I gave him away to those
193. 6:09people. Sometimes I make moves like that
194. 6:11and they might look harsh to people on
195. 6:13the outside, but it's because I ask
196. 6:15myself that question. It's like, what's
197. 6:16going to serve me today, not what served
198. 6:18me yesterday? And the top 1% of people,
199. 6:20they understand that sunk costs are the
200. 6:23price of learning. There is no reason to
201. 6:25keep suffering. There's no reason to
202. 6:26keep all this baggage from the decisions
203. 6:28that you made in the life that you had
204. 6:30years ago. Sunk cost is not a valid
205. 6:32reason to continue suffering or to
206. 6:34continue with a decision that you know
207. 6:35is no longer serving you. But here is
208. 6:37where 90% of entrepreneurs waste their
209. 6:39time. Most people they try to improve
210. 6:42everything at the same time and then
211. 6:43what happens is that you dilute your
212. 6:45focus, you slow down results and you
213. 6:47don't actually able to break through on
214. 6:49any one thing because you don't have
215. 6:50enough attention towards any one thing
216. 6:51and that is the opposite of clear
217. 6:53thinking. So many people waste hours
218. 6:56overthinking simply because they do not
219. 6:58know how to identify a bottleneck. A
220. 6:59bottleneck is the one limiting factor
221. 7:02that constricts all of your growth.
222. 7:04Okay? And so what happens is like most
223. 7:06people waste their time optimizing parts
224. 7:08that aren't the constraint. Either
225. 7:09because they're good at them, because
226. 7:10they like them, because they want to
227. 7:12avoid the thing that's the real
228. 7:13constraint. It's kind of like when
229. 7:14people go on a diet. I saw a girl the
230. 7:15other day. She literally was like, "I'm
231. 7:16doing 90 minutes of fasted cardio a day.
232. 7:18I'm hitting the gym in the afternoon. My
233. 7:19trainer, I'm doing this, I'm doing
234. 7:20that." And I was like, "So are you
235. 7:22losing weight?" And she was like, "Well,
236. 7:23no, because like I tend to like binge at
237. 7:25night." I'm like, "Girl, what the hell?
238. 7:27If you just stop binging at night, you
239. 7:29wouldn't even need to do fasted cardio
240. 7:30or go to the gym. You would just lose
241. 7:31weight immediately." And so it's in
242. 7:33business the same way. Hey, I see a lot
243. 7:34of people, they're like, I'm optimizing
244. 7:35my customer service. I'm optimizing my
245. 7:37finance function. I built this new
246. 7:38spreadsheet. I have this IT. And I'm
247. 7:40like, okay, but your real constraint is
248. 7:42that you don't know how to sell your
249. 7:43product. So, why the hell are we not
250. 7:44going all in on understanding sales? At
251. 7:46acquisition.com about 18 months ago, I
252. 7:49realized our constraint was not our
253. 7:51brand. It was not our sales. It was not
254. 7:53our product. Our constraint was finding
255. 7:55the right talent to find the right
256. 7:56people to fill the roles we needed to
257. 7:58scale. So, once I realized this, I
258. 8:00stopped obsessing over everything else
259. 8:01in the business. In fact, I told my
260. 8:02whole team the next two months, all I'm
261. 8:04going to do is focus on recruiting. And
262. 8:06so, all I did, I cleared my calendar. It
263. 8:08reflected my priorities. I focused
264. 8:09entirely on recruiting. Everything else
265. 8:10was a distraction to me. And so,
266. 8:12constraint thinking is how you create
267. 8:14breakthroughs instead of incremental
268. 8:16improvements in your business. I use
269. 8:17this same theory with myself. If I'm
270. 8:19trying to improve my health, my
271. 8:21happiness, my relationships, I think to
272. 8:23myself, what's the constraint? And it
273. 8:24usually means that you want to get rid
274. 8:26of something or change something
275. 8:27drastically rather than optimize all
276. 8:29these little parts around it. So, for
277. 8:31example, if you're thinking about a
278. 8:32relationship, you can find the
279. 8:33constraint in a relationship for sure. I
280. 8:35remember at one point in my relationship
281. 8:36with Alex, it was easy for me to
282. 8:38identify the constraint because
283. 8:39everything would be really good until he
284. 8:41would do something that I didn't like
285. 8:42and then I would cold shoulder him and
286. 8:44then that would create like anywhere
287. 8:46from a couple days to maybe like a week
288. 8:47of tension. This was like a decade ago.
289. 8:49And then I realized that looking at our
290. 8:51relationship, the only times that I
291. 8:53really felt like it was not a good
292. 8:54relationship were in those times where I
293. 8:56was cold shouldering him. So I said,
294. 8:57"Okay, well, what would it take for me
295. 8:58not to cold shoulder and to open up and
296. 9:00to do all these things?" And I tackled
297. 9:01that. I didn't try and like, "Oh, can I
298. 9:03make him dinner and can we do this and
299. 9:05can I give up?" No. All I needed to do
300. 9:07was just like stop acting like a child
301. 9:09in those moments. And that will probably
302. 9:10make the relationship a lot better. And
303. 9:11improving things doesn't actually come
304. 9:13from doing more. It comes from doing the
305. 9:15right thing in the right sequence. So
306. 9:18you want to ask yourself this, what is
307. 9:19the one constraint holding everything
308. 9:21else back for you? The one thing that if
309. 9:23you change will give you the most
310. 9:24leverage. What is that real bottleneck?
311. 9:26And I'm going to tell you this, it's
312. 9:28probably the thing you're avoiding. It's
313. 9:30probably the thing you're avoiding
314. 9:30because it would be the hardest thing.
315. 9:32But the hardest way is also, ironically,
316. 9:34the easiest way to change. And most
317. 9:36people avoid their real constraints
318. 9:38because they are the hardest problems to
319. 9:39solve. Okay, I want you to stop right
320. 9:42now. Stop the video if you need to. I
321. 9:45want you to take a breath
322. 9:50and I want you to notice how you're
323. 9:51feeling because this next part is only
324. 9:53going to work if you watching this are
325. 9:55feeling emotionally regulated. I used to
326. 9:58make decisions when I was emotional till
327. 10:00I realized this. When your emotions
328. 10:02spike, so do all the errors in your
329. 10:05decision-m. Emotions are the top reason
330. 10:08that we cannot think clearly. Especially
331. 10:10when stress, fear, urgency, they all
332. 10:13cloud our judgment. What emotions do our
333. 10:15thinking right? One, when we're in a
334. 10:18state of fear, it amplifies loss
335. 10:19aversion. So, you usually do twice as
336. 10:22much to avoid losing than you will to
337. 10:24try and win. Right? So, if you're
338. 10:26growing a business, but you're really
339. 10:27scared, I always tell people, I'm like,
340. 10:28are you playing to win or playing not to
341. 10:29lose? Cuz like if you're playing not to
342. 10:30lose, you're probably not going to win
343. 10:31as big as you really want to. Another
344. 10:33one is stress. What does stress do to
345. 10:35us? Right? When we're stressed, when
346. 10:36we're anxious, when we feel wound up, it
347. 10:38makes us shortsighted. We essentially
348. 10:40will sabotage whatever we want in the
349. 10:42long term to get that short-term relief.
350. 10:44It's kind of like if you go on a diet,
351. 10:45but you've been like you stress eat and
352. 10:47then it's like, "Oh, I really want to
353. 10:48eat that piece of cake, but I really
354. 10:49want to like lose weight." It's like
355. 10:50you'll eat the cake because it
356. 10:52immediately relieves your stress rather
357. 10:54than you having that body that you've
358. 10:55always wanted. And the last one is
359. 10:57anger. Now, what does anger do? Anger
360. 10:59makes us react, right? So, we will do
361. 11:01things really fast that we usually
362. 11:03regret later. So, there's a rule that
363. 11:04I've made for myself, and I want to give
364. 11:06this rule to you guys. If I feel
365. 11:08emotional, I do not make a decision. And
366. 11:10I say this to myself, I say it to
367. 11:12others. I only make decisions when I
368. 11:14feel content. If I'm angry about
369. 11:16something in my business, don't make a
370. 11:17decision. If I'm angry with a person,
371. 11:19don't make a decision. If I'm angry with
372. 11:21myself, don't make a it doesn't matter.
373. 11:22When I'm anxious, when I'm stressed,
374. 11:24like all the emotions, I would just will
375. 11:26not do it. So, I only decide when I'm
376. 11:27content. Content means I don't feel
377. 11:30urgency. I'm not in a state of fear. I'm
378. 11:32not feeling wound up or anxious. And I'm
379. 11:33not feeling stressed. Now, I know what a
380. 11:35lot of people say, which is like, "Well,
381. 11:36Ila, I've got this feeling or intuition
382. 11:39or fear or something. It's quiet. It's
383. 11:41persistent. It's day after day. Okay,
384. 11:43that may mean that your brain is
385. 11:45signaling something to you like, "Hey,
386. 11:47I'm trying to show you this thing
387. 11:49because we've had past experiences where
388. 11:51something like this has occurred and I
389. 11:53want you to remember so you can avoid it
390. 11:54again." Sometimes that's what happens,
391. 11:56right? But if it's sudden and it's
392. 11:59overwhelming, panic, fear, anger, that
393. 12:02is just an emotion that you want to let
394. 12:04go through your body and come out of
395. 12:06your body until you're called. Okay?
396. 12:07Okay. So, I can give you an example,
397. 12:08which is we had a business and they
398. 12:10really wanted to do a deal with us and
399. 12:12they essentially said if we got the deal
400. 12:14done in the next couple weeks that they
401. 12:17would give us the deal for $5 million
402. 12:19less. And I remember someone in the
403. 12:21company called me. They told me this and
404. 12:23I immediately I felt panicked. Now, why
405. 12:26did I feel panicked in the moment? And I
406. 12:27said, "Okay, I can't make this decision
407. 12:28today." They're like, "Well, we we're on
408. 12:29a timer. They said we could save it's $5
409. 12:31million we would save. That's a lot of
410. 12:32money." And I was like, "Yeah, hurt, but
411. 12:34I feel really not good right now." And I
412. 12:36don't know why. So I said, I need to
413. 12:37sleep on it. So I slept on it. I woke up
414. 12:39the next morning and I realized why. I
415. 12:41was like, I'm not aligned with the
416. 12:42founder. I actually don't want to do
417. 12:43this deal. This founder reminds me of
418. 12:45this guy who tanked his business. And
419. 12:47you know what's funny is that it was the
420. 12:49best deal that I ever didn't do because
421. 12:52that guy burned his business to the
422. 12:53ground. Which I found out 2 years later.
423. 12:55And if I had in the moment been like,
424. 12:56"Oh my god, I feel panicked. Like I need
425. 12:57to do this deal." And I had done it. It
426. 12:59could have led me, you know, going down
427. 13:01with that guy. It took me saying, "Okay,
428. 13:03I'm panicked. Wait a day." But now that
429. 13:05the panic has subsided, I can tell, oh,
430. 13:07there's something here. It's not just me
431. 13:09in stress and panic. And then I can ask
432. 13:11myself, okay, what do I want to do with
433. 13:13this information? So the next time that
434. 13:15you're feeling emotional, you want to
435. 13:16tell yourself, if I feel emotional, I
436. 13:19don't decide. And if somebody asks you
437. 13:20to make a decision and you feel rushed,
438. 13:22you feel panicked, you feel stressed,
439. 13:24you feel angry, you just tell them, I
440. 13:25don't make decisions quickly. Sometimes
441. 13:27we just make decisions cuz we're like, I
442. 13:28just want to get it over with. That's
443. 13:29not a good reason to make a decision. We
444. 13:31don't want to just get it over with. The
445. 13:32emotions are going to subside no matter
446. 13:33what. And so we want to make sure that
447. 13:34we wait for the clarity, not for the
448. 13:37emotion. Okay, so here is the final
449. 13:39framework that separates the top 1% from
450. 13:41everybody else. This is time horizon
451. 13:43anchoring. Okay, here's the brutal truth
452. 13:45of why most people fail. If you want to
453. 13:48win, you need to think on a time horizon
454. 13:50longer than anybody else. Your brain
455. 13:52will panic the moment that progress
456. 13:54slows or something goes wrong, and you
457. 13:55need to not listen. The top 1%, they win
458. 13:59not because of how hard they play, but
459. 14:01because of how long they play. 99% of
460. 14:04people lose because they cannot stick
461. 14:06with the plan long enough for it to
462. 14:07freaking work. Okay? Your brain, it has
463. 14:10recency bias. So, it overweighs whatever
464. 14:13just happened. So, the moment that the
465. 14:15plan feels hard or boring or something
466. 14:17really bad happens, your brain says,
467. 14:19"Maybe things have changed. You know,
468. 14:21it's looking pretty rough right now.
469. 14:23Maybe I do need a new plan. You know
470. 14:24what? This business, why am I even doing
471. 14:26this anyways?" Right? Maybe this doesn't
472. 14:28work anymore. You know, I can get a guy
473. 14:30better than him. Maybe this was never
474. 14:32even that good in the first place. Look
475. 14:33at all this I got to deal with. Nine out
476. 14:35of 10 times. Nothing has changed. It
477. 14:39just got really hard for a minute. The
478. 14:41real advantage of the top 1% isn't
479. 14:43thinking of better plans. It is sticking
480. 14:46with the current one long enough for it
481. 14:47to work. And so you want to override
482. 14:50that recency bias with one simple rule.
483. 14:52The plan works until the data proves it
484. 14:55doesn't. No feelings. No like I'm bored.
485. 14:57No, I'm it's hard. No, it's difficulty.
486. 14:59Just data. Follow the evidence, not your
487. 15:01feelings. Thinking does not equal
488. 15:04progress. So, here's your challenge. For
489. 15:06the next 7 days, every time you catch
490. 15:08yourself overthinking, ask yourself one
491. 15:10of these questions instead. How could
492. 15:12this fail? Can I use and instead of or?
493. 15:14Would I start this today? What's my real
494. 15:17constraint? Am I emotional right now? Is
495. 15:19my timeline realistic? The difference
496. 15:21between the top 1% everyone else is not
497. 15:23intelligence. It is the discipline to
498. 15:26think less with better frameworks and
499. 15:28act more. So, if you like this video,
500. 15:30you can subscribe to my channel and
501. 15:31check out my next