How To Stop Negative Thinking in 7 Simple Steps — Transcript

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1. 0:00hi I'm Matt Terrell of uncommon
2. 0:01knowledge and hypnosis downloads calm
3. 0:04and welcome to how to stop negative
4. 0:06thinking in seven simple steps use these
5. 0:10anti negativity thinking tips to get
6. 0:12your mental house in order so I thought
7. 0:16you'd be pleased
8. 0:17I really did but negative thinking can
9. 0:19darken a cloudless day bring down an
10. 0:23uplifting event and dampen a simple
11. 0:25pleasure so this guy had won a lot of
12. 0:27money and had been pleased for a while
13. 0:30but now all Keith could say was yeah but
14. 0:33now I have the added problem of whether
15. 0:35to tell my friends or not if I don't
16. 0:37tell them and they find out it's bad and
17. 0:39if I do tell them they'll all expect me
18. 0:42to share some of my money with them so I
19. 0:45suggested it wasn't a problem but merely
20. 0:48a consideration that all in all he might
21. 0:51as well be over the moon about winning
22. 0:53the money yeah but I'm torn between
23. 0:56paying off the mortgage and buying a
24. 0:58Porsche now this to him had become a
25. 1:01problem which he resented resisting the
26. 1:04urge to throttle him or ask for money I
27. 1:06got thinking about the true nature of
28. 1:08negativity as someone once said life's
29. 1:11problems reveal who we really are and
30. 1:14that's true negative thinkers can yeah
31. 1:17but but when things are going great they
32. 1:20can do that everything becomes a year
33. 1:22but on the other hand the more resilient
34. 1:24or positive thinkers can remain upbeat
35. 1:26when times are tough so I sat and looked
36. 1:28at Keith you know and he was a young man
37. 1:30with intelligence which was not best
38. 1:33serving him looks and now money and
39. 1:36still he saw the old water jar as
40. 1:39half-empty I've known people close to
41. 1:41death with more zest and positivity
42. 1:45so negative thinking could become a
43. 1:47habit of mind picked up from other
44. 1:50people we can learn to be negative
45. 1:52negativity can be infectious or it can
46. 1:55be little more than a failure of courage
47. 1:57because sometimes it actually takes guts
48. 1:59to remain positive through setbacks not
49. 2:03that I considered winning money a
50. 2:04setback so I looked at him thinking and
51. 2:07he looked at me probably wondering what
52. 2:09I was looking at and actually I suppose
53. 2:11negative thinking seems to have his
54. 2:13Vantage's that's what I was thinking you
55. 2:15know it's the devil you know if you are
56. 2:17used to positive negative thinking
57. 2:19rather it becomes familiar thinking the
58. 2:22worst expecting failure and betrayal
59. 2:24seeing downsides where others don't even
60. 2:27seeing positives as negatives all convey
61. 2:30a kind of insurance policy you know if I
62. 2:32expect the worst then I won't be
63. 2:34disappointed when it happens another
64. 2:36advantage to negative thinking or
65. 2:39seeming advantage is the i-told-you-so
66. 2:41syndrome for some people it can feel
67. 2:44more important to be proved right in
68. 2:47their negative predictions and to have
69. 2:49good things actually happen and
70. 2:50therefore be proved wrong so before I
71. 2:52get too positive about negativity here's
72. 2:54a thought the habit of thinking
73. 2:57negatively doesn't just predict how
74. 2:59likely someone is to become depressed
75. 3:01but also predicts how likely they are to
76. 3:03suffer all kinds of other illnesses
77. 3:06later on in life including physical
78. 3:07illnesses so check out reference 1 no
79. 3:11I'm not suggesting that negative
80. 3:13thoughts alone produce illness but they
81. 3:15don't help and they can excessive 8
82. 3:17stress which we know dampens a new
83. 3:19response so we're going to look at what
84. 3:21you can do to stop negative thinking
85. 3:23but first let's examine a common
86. 3:25fundamental mistake the pessimism prone
87. 3:29tend to make the most common negative
88. 3:32thinking mistake so Keith was proud to
89. 3:36describe himself as a realist this is a
90. 3:40word he used repeatedly and of course
91. 3:42anyone who strongly holds a belief think
92. 3:45that they're being realistic and holding
93. 3:47that belief and whether it involves
94. 3:48green men from Mars or honest
95. 3:51politicians so the more realistic
96. 3:53Proclamation is a favorite of cynics
97. 3:56everywhere and in a way they're right
98. 3:58but only because thinking negatively
99. 4:01causes us not to try or if we do try to
100. 4:04give up sooner
101. 4:05so the negativity itself influences
102. 4:07results so in a sense it is realistic
103. 4:10self-fulfilling prophecies really do
104. 4:12happen and research has even found that
105. 4:15what we believe about our health can
106. 4:17have more bearing on how long we live
107. 4:19than our actual health see reference to
108. 4:22so that's a staggering thought so
109. 4:25negative thoughts
110. 4:27Plagueis even when things seem to be
111. 4:29going well it's too good to last
112. 4:31okay my first tip has to do with how
113. 4:34negative thinking distorts perception so
114. 4:37number one stop thinking in extremes
115. 4:39most of life isn't black or white or
116. 4:42completely this or completely that or
117. 4:44all or nothing but negative thinking
118. 4:46tends to view bad stuff in the extreme
119. 4:48for example rather than not doing as
120. 4:51well as I I'd like to do my test I'm
121. 4:54going to fail completely instead of my
122. 4:56business venture taking a while to get
123. 4:58going it's going to crash and burn
124. 5:00leaving me ruined rather than just
125. 5:02feeling a few nerves during my speech
126. 5:04I'm going to die out there they're all
127. 5:06gonna hate me
128. 5:07it's an absolutist extremist way of
129. 5:09looking at life all-or-nothing thinking
130. 5:11misses out the subtle shades in life it
131. 5:14may it makes us see the future in terms
132. 5:16of dramatic disasters failures and
133. 5:18catastrophes and short disasters
134. 5:21occasionally do happen but contrary to
135. 5:23the shrill pronouncements from
136. 5:25newsstands or online news outlets most
137. 5:28of life consists of shades of gray so
138. 5:30the first step to overcoming negative
139. 5:31thinking isn't to just be positive all
140. 5:34of a sudden but to look for shades of
141. 5:37grey for subtlety so say you've been
142. 5:39worrying about a relationship rather
143. 5:41than thinking it's going to be a
144. 5:42disaster I just know it is or even it's
145. 5:45going to be perfect to extremist views
146. 5:48how about I expect there will be great
147. 5:51bits good bits and not-so-good bits like
148. 5:53any relationship so write down what you
149. 5:56have been thinking negatively about and
150. 5:59then write the extreme negative
151. 6:00statements that come to mind now write 3
152. 6:03middle-of-the-road possibilities not so
153. 6:06exciting or terrifying but a more
154. 6:08realistic nuance to take on what's
155. 6:10actually more likely to happen giving
156. 6:13your brain more options will reduce
157. 6:15emotionality and allow you to think more
158. 6:17clearly number 2
159. 6:20stop over generalizing the negative so
160. 6:22ask yourself if something bad happens do
161. 6:26I tend to over generalize it do I view
162. 6:30it as applying to everything and being
163. 6:33permanent rather than containing it to
164. 6:36one place in time for example if someone
165. 6:39turns you down for a date
166. 6:41do you spread the negativity beyond that
167. 6:43particular person particular time and
168. 6:46place by telling yourself nothing ever
169. 6:48works out for me if you fail a test do
170. 6:52you say to yourself well I failed that
171. 6:53test I'm not happy about that but I'll
172. 6:56try harder next time do you keep it
173. 6:58specific or do you over generalize it by
174. 7:01telling yourself you're stupid or you
175. 7:03can't learn anything or nothing ever
176. 7:04works and well run the subject don't
177. 7:07minimize the positive negative thinking
178. 7:11stops people seeing the positive when it
179. 7:13does happen or they twist it and reframe
180. 7:16it in their mind so it's as if there's a
181. 7:18screen filtering out positives and just
182. 7:21letting in stuff that confirms the
183. 7:22negative bias or the negative propaganda
184. 7:25magnifying setbacks and minimizing
185. 7:28successes leads to D motivation and
186. 7:31misery get into the habit of seeing
187. 7:34setbacks as temporary and specific
188. 7:36rather than as permanent and pervasive
189. 7:38or all-encompassing we all tend to find
190. 7:41what we look for if you find yourself
191. 7:44thinking negative thoughts about a
192. 7:45person for instance get into the habit
193. 7:47of balancing it out with more positive
194. 7:50for all thoughts about them or just one
195. 7:52positive thought about them so he's so
196. 7:55insincere mind you to be fair he was
197. 7:58helpful with that project and he can be
198. 8:00very funny
199. 8:01okay so the positive is there but you
200. 8:04have to look for it okay number four
201. 8:07stop mind reading thinking negatively
202. 8:10stops us relaxing with uncertainty this
203. 8:14can lead to mind reading she hasn't
204. 8:16texted me back she doesn't like me any
205. 8:18more or he only said that to make me
206. 8:21feel better he doesn't really think I
207. 8:23did well in that situation having to
208. 8:26assign a meaning to something before
209. 8:28you've got real evidence makes you more
210. 8:30likely to believe what you imagine
211. 8:32without question holding off a signing
212. 8:36or made-up meaning to an ambiguous
213. 8:39situation is a key part of overcoming
214. 8:41negative thinking just not knowing and
215. 8:43relaxing with not knowing for a while
216. 8:45when you become more positive or just
217. 8:47more comfortably neutral you'll be doing
218. 8:49more of I don't know why she hasn't
219. 8:51texted me back yet okay and just
220. 8:53relaxing more
221. 8:55you'll also be able to consider all
222. 8:57possible reasons you can think of not
223. 8:59just the negative ones so here are a few
224. 9:01to help you out as an example so she
225. 9:04hasn't texted me back she's maybe she's
226. 9:06forgotten her phone or the phone's
227. 9:08battery is dead or she's ran out of
228. 9:10phone credits or she's in a lecture or
229. 9:13she's on a plane or she's out of range
230. 9:15okay well she just forgotten you get the
231. 9:18drift
232. 9:19none of these are attributable to you
233. 9:21and your likability and all are as
234. 9:24plausible as any other explanation
235. 9:27number five stop taking all the
236. 9:30responsibility if I put it down to other
237. 9:33people or luck when something is good
238. 9:36okay so it's nothing to do with me or
239. 9:38you know works out and don't take any
240. 9:41credit myself even if this success was
241. 9:43largely down to me then I'm
242. 9:45externalizing the positive or I might
243. 9:47externalize the quality of goodness from
244. 9:51my friend when he does something kind by
245. 9:53telling myself he only did that to win
246. 9:55favors okay so if you or someone else do
247. 9:59something good or well just accept it so
248. 10:02time to internalize something negative
249. 10:04thinkers also tend to do the opposite
250. 10:06they'll internalize that is blame
251. 10:09themselves for all kinds of negatives
252. 10:12that have little or nothing at all to do
253. 10:14with them so look at how much control
254. 10:17and influence you really have over
255. 10:19things that you tend to think negatively
256. 10:21about okay
257. 10:22number six stop forcing your own rules
258. 10:25on life okay so you hear things like if
259. 10:28you loved me he wouldn't do that okay
260. 10:32or that just shows he doesn't love me if
261. 10:34I was a good mother I wouldn't lose my
262. 10:36temper people shouldn't act like that if
263. 10:40I can't do this then I must be really
264. 10:43stupid he was late he must be seeing
265. 10:46someone else saying that means he
266. 10:49doesn't respect me my medical tests
267. 10:52haven't come back and that means it's
268. 10:54bad news sometimes known as masturbation
269. 10:57making uptight rules as to how reality
270. 11:00must or should be is a surefire way of
271. 11:03feeling let down by yourself and other
272. 11:05people and life in general this isn't to
273. 11:08say that
274. 11:08we shouldn't expect anything from
275. 11:10ourselves or others but rather that the
276. 11:13rules need not be unreasonably
277. 11:15inflexible if you feel disappointed or
278. 11:19let down then you must have been
279. 11:21expecting something else okay
280. 11:24examine what it was that you were
281. 11:27expecting and ask yourself was my
282. 11:29expectation too narrow and rigid number
283. 11:33seven stop making stuff up and believing
284. 11:36it imagination is a wonderful thing a
285. 11:39wonderful tool but not if you use it to
286. 11:41scare yourself sometimes we need to be
287. 11:44able to suspend the functioning of the
288. 11:46imagination to quote Ernest Hemingway
289. 11:48notice so looking at an upcoming event
290. 11:51in your mind and negatively hypnotizing
291. 11:54yourself by vividly imagining the worst
292. 11:56is like using a hammer to paint a
293. 11:59picture so wrong use of the imagination
294. 12:01your imagination is there as a tool to
295. 12:04be used constructively by practicing
296. 12:07imagining things going well or at least
297. 12:10you being calm in them making it more
298. 12:12likely you'll be karma in the situation
299. 12:15will be a much better use of your
300. 12:16imagination and your time if you still
301. 12:19have wildly negative thoughts then at
302. 12:21least dilute them by imagining a
303. 12:23positive outcome as well as the negative
304. 12:25one if you imagine forgetting what to
305. 12:28say in an upcoming presentation
306. 12:30immediately disregard that and instead
307. 12:33imagine it going well
308. 12:35stopping negative thinking takes time
309. 12:37and effort and to an extent it's a job
310. 12:41that's never done so happy that you get
311. 12:44into practicing using these seven tips
312. 12:48will serve you really well for the rest
313. 12:49of your life isn't it worth spending a
314. 12:52little time on them so despite his
315. 12:55negativity Keith who was a friend of
316. 12:57mine or is a friend of mine recognizes
317. 13:00his own negative leanings and actually
318. 13:02said he found these tips really useful
319. 13:04so I hope you found that useful and if
320. 13:07you did please hit like and subscribe
321. 13:09and if you want to hear when my next
322. 13:11video is published
323. 13:12hit the notification bell below I'm mark
324. 13:14Terrell of uncommon knowledge and
325. 13:16hypnosis downloads calm and if you'd
326. 13:18like to try some of my personal
327. 13:20development products head over to
328. 13:22hypnosis
329. 13:22let's calm and take a look around and
330. 13:25thanks for watching
331. 13:29[Music]