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how to stop being pathetic, desperate, and insecure — Transcript

by Britney Lee · 3,507 words · 494 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I don't want this to sound mean, but if
0:02you are someone who works a 9-5
0:04throughout the week that you're not
0:05passionate about, you don't care about
0:06your body, you're not working towards
0:08any goals, you spend 90% of your free
0:10time scrolling, you're a people pleaser,
0:12and your inner monologue is always
0:13negative, of course you're not
0:15confident. How are you going to be
0:16confident living a life like that? It's
0:18like you've opted out of participating
0:20in your own life, but this is your life.
0:22Act like it. Become someone worth being
0:24confident in. And if you don't know
0:26where to start,
0:27have no fear. In today's video, I'm
0:30going to share my confidence tips with
0:31you. These are just some things that
0:33have made me less pathetic, desperate,
0:35and insecure over the years, and I am
0:37confident that if you apply these things
0:39to your life, you'll start to feel
0:40confident, too. Genuine confidence is
0:42like a muscle that's built over time.
0:44You can't create it without action. You
0:46don't have fitness results before you go
0:48to the gym. You'll never be confident in
0:49social situations if you don't practice
0:51talking to people. You'll never be
0:53confident in your body if you don't
0:54start taking care of it and talking
0:55positively about yourself. How are you
0:57supposed to be confident in your ability
0:59to show up online if you never show up
1:01online? How could you be confident in
1:02your personality if you don't even know
1:04who you are? So, start getting to know
1:06yourself better. Confidence is
1:07knowledge. I've heard it put this way.
1:09When you first start a new job, it takes
1:12time for you to become confident with
1:13it. For example, I became a bartender
1:15the day after my 21st birthday. I didn't
1:18know if Grey Goose was rum or vodka at
1:20that point. I might have even thought it
1:21was whiskey. I really was so lost. I had
1:23no idea what I was doing. But now I'm
1:2525. I've been bartending for the last 4
1:27years, and I could do it in my sleep.
1:29It's the exact same with becoming
1:30confident in yourself. You have to get
1:32to know yourself very well. Work on
1:35becoming self-aware. A Harvard study
1:37showed that 95% of people think they're
1:40self-aware, but only 10 to 15% actually
1:43are. So, even if you think you're
1:44self-aware, think again. Being
1:46self-aware means that you clearly
1:47understand your own thoughts, feelings,
1:49actions, and how your mood and your
1:51stress impacts the people around you.
1:53It's becoming aware of your trauma and
1:55what triggers you. You really have to be
1:57more introspective. And there are so
1:59many different practices that can help
2:00you with this. Keep a journal, reflect
2:02on your everyday life, go to therapy.
2:03The thing that helps me become more
2:05self-aware, and I do this every so
2:06often, is to do a self-audit. Look at
2:09your life as if you were a stranger on
2:11the outside looking in. Literally, just
2:13audit each category of your life, your
2:15relationship, your job, your
2:17friendships, your daily habits. If you
2:19were a stranger, what kind of person
2:22would you perceive yourself as? What
2:24blind spots do you notice? Are you happy
2:26with what you see? Is this a person
2:27you'd want to be? Focus on that. It's
2:29step one. You've got to know what your
2:31morals, values, and goals are. You have
2:33to know what your confidence stands for.
2:35What do you represent? What is your
2:37confidence protecting? Who are you? The
2:39second thing that will help you with
2:40your confidence is to practice
2:42self-love. Let go of being a people
2:44pleaser. Change your self-talk. Make
2:46sure it's not negative. Say positive
2:48affirmations if you need to. If I
2:50accidentally say something negative
2:51about myself, I'll correct myself out
2:53loud in front of anyone who heard me say
2:55it. Set healthy boundaries. Start saying
2:58no. Say no to things that drain you or
3:00make you feel inadequate. When I stopped
3:02drinking, I had to start saying no every
3:04time I got invited out. I hate bars. I
3:06hate clubs. It's never been my scene,
3:08and I genuinely don't have fun when I
3:10go. So, especially when I stopped
3:12drinking, I was like, "I can't do this
3:15[ __ ] sober." Have you ever been in the
3:17club sober?
3:19Girl, and like I also don't like
3:21drinking. It doesn't make me feel good.
3:23I don't have fun when I'm drunk. So,
3:26what's the point in being in that
3:27environment sober or not? Either way,
3:28I'm going to have a bad time. And I'm
3:30not about to keep putting myself in that
3:31situation just to make other people
3:33happy when I don't enjoy it at all. I'm
3:35gaining nothing from that experience.
3:36And it was hard at first, but people
3:39respect all of my nose without prying
3:41because I never fold. And yeah, I get
3:43called lame, especially when I won't go
3:45out after work with my co-workers or my
3:46regulars. I mean, what kind of bartender
3:48doesn't drink? But I don't give
3:51a singular [ __ ]
3:53I don't. And I don't mean to sound so
3:55arrogant, but I've got more important
3:56[ __ ] to do. I would rather get called
3:58lame by people that don't understand me
4:00than go out just to please them. My time
4:02is valuable. My energy is valuable, and
4:05I need to protect both so I can put them
4:07towards my dreams and my goals. You need
4:09to have that kind of certainty in your
4:11values and decisions in order to be
4:13confident in them. That's why
4:14self-awareness is so important. That's
4:16why it's step one. You first need to be
4:18self-aware so you know what your values
4:20and your goals are and what your
4:21decisions need to be. That way you know
4:23what your confidence is standing for and
4:25protecting. This also falls under the
4:27practice self-love umbrella, but make
4:29sure you're taking care of your body.
4:31Eat enough, eat healthy food, drink
4:33enough water, go to the gym. Obviously,
4:36everyone knows taking care of your body
4:37is good for you. And doing something
4:39that is universally recognized as good
4:42makes you feel a little more confident.
4:44Stop comparing yourself to other people.
4:47It is so much easier said than done.
4:49Delete social media if you have to.
4:51Unfollow people that make you feel bad
4:52about yourself. I'm going to put myself
4:54on blast for a second. When I was in
4:55high school, I used to feel so
4:58threatened by pretty girls who could
4:59sing and write music. That was supposed
5:01to be my thing. Like I invented that.
5:04But I had to learn that acknowledging
5:06that someone else is beautiful and
5:08talented doesn't erase your talent or
5:11diminish your radiance at all. I always
5:13used to feel like the more people there
5:15are in the world who do what I do, the
5:16less valuable I was because I was easier
5:19to replace, but baby, we're people.
5:22We're not products. We're not parts that
5:23need to be replaced. Your power is the
5:26fact that there's only one of you. Your
5:28unique energy cannot be replicated.
5:30There is no comparison. It doesn't even
5:32matter that there are thousands of other
5:34people in your niche. There's only one
5:35of you. So focus on what makes you who
5:37you are. It's not just your talents or
5:39solely what's on the outside. It's the
5:41unique gift that God gave you and how
5:43you use them. It's the energy that's
5:45within you and only you. You bring
5:47something to the table that no one else
5:49can. Let Let your confidence come from
5:51that. Stop judging other people. I know
5:53you do, we all do. The universal advice
5:56for confidence is don't worry about what
5:58other people think. But if you yourself
6:00are constantly judging other people, of
6:03course you're going to assume that other
6:04people are doing the same to you. Be
6:06honest with yourself about this.
6:08Do you judge other people often? You
6:10don't have to admit it publicly. This is
6:11about self-awareness. Being judgmental
6:13is a major sign of insecurity, even if
6:16it's in the privacy of your own mind. It
6:18reveals your own hidden insecurities and
6:20unspoken rules you've set for yourself.
6:22Emphasizing a small fault in someone
6:24else can serve as a distraction from
6:26blind spots in your own life. I'll quote
6:28the Bible. Why do you look at the speck
6:30of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay
6:32no attention to the plank in your own
6:34eye? Fix your own major faults before
6:36you try to correct the small mistakes of
6:38other people. If you have a harsh and
6:39critical spirit, it shows that you
6:41struggle to extend grace and forgiveness
6:43to yourself. Heal that. You can't be
6:45confident if you're overly judgmental to
6:47yourself or to others. It screams you're
6:50insecure, and insecure energy makes you
6:52ugly. Just saying. Practice talking to
6:55people. This helps build social
6:57confidence. And for my anxious girlies,
6:59trust me.
7:01I know it's hard. This is coming from
7:02the girl who was pulled out of public
7:04school because her anxiety was so bad.
7:06Practice talking to people in real life,
7:08face-to-face, in person. My job is
7:11actually what helped me get better at
7:12talking to people. I became a server at
7:1419 and obviously you have to talk to
7:16your tables to get their orders. I'm not
7:18saying you have to go out and get a job
7:21that forces you to be social. That's
7:22just how I got better at it. Start
7:24small. Ask the cashier how their day is
7:26going at the grocery store. Compliment a
7:27stranger's outfit at the mall. Start a
7:29conversation with someone you don't know
7:30before class starts. I believe in you.
7:32Stop oversharing. Once you get better at
7:34talking to people, make sure you don't
7:36get into the habit of oversharing. It is
7:38so much easier to show up confidently
7:40when nobody knows what's going on in
7:42your life. Leave questions unanswered.
7:44The world does not need to know your
7:45business, particularly at school and at
7:47work. Bro, I don't tell my coworkers
7:50anything, nothing at all. What goes
7:52around goes around, for real. Like,
7:54there are no secrets at all. And it's
7:56not that I don't like my coworkers,
7:58because I really do. They're great
7:59people, but people have big mouths, and
8:01you never know who's preying on your
8:02downfall. Call me paranoid, but it's
8:04true. You start to feel really powerful
8:06when you're in full control of what kind
8:08of access people have to information
8:10about you. This is not a joke. I take
8:12this so seriously, you should, too. You
8:15never know who's keeping tabs on you or
8:17why. Protect your peace.
8:19Don't overshare. Keep promises to
8:20yourself. This is not unique advice, I'm
8:22sure you've heard this before. If you
8:24tell yourself you're going to do
8:25something, make sure you actually do it.
8:27Let's say you have a friend named Laura,
8:28and Laura is infamous for being late,
8:31but y'all have lunch plans tomorrow, and
8:32she tells you she'll meet you at the
8:33restaurant at 1:30. How much confidence
8:35do you have that Laura's actually going
8:37to show up at 1:30? Probably very
8:39little, right? I mean, the girl's always
8:41late. When she says she'll be there at
8:421:30, you take it with a grain of salt.
8:44You know you're probably fine to show up
8:45at 1:50, and she still won't be there.
8:47It's no different with yourself. If you
8:49always tell yourself, "I'm going to get
8:51up early tomorrow," and you never
8:52actually do it, how much confidence do
8:54you have that you're actually going to
8:55get up early tomorrow if you say it
8:56today? Get serious about this. Promise
8:58yourself, "Okay, I'm going to make my
9:00bed when I get up in the morning," and
9:01actually do it. This builds inner trust.
9:04Confidence and trust are synonymous.
9:06Another great way to build trust within
9:08yourself is to stop asking other people
9:10for permission. Other people don't have
9:12to agree with you in order for a
9:14decision about your life to be the right
9:15one. If you have to ask for someone
9:17else's opinion before every little thing
9:18that you do, hello, red flags all
9:21around. That's a major sign of insecure,
9:23desperate energy. No more of that. I've
9:25said this a million times, I will
9:27probably say this in every single video
9:29I make, because I believe in it so
9:31strongly. Stop waiting to feel ready
9:33before you do the thing. Do Do scared,
9:35do it anxious. Use discernment with this
9:37because it doesn't apply to everything,
9:38but do it unprepared. Confidence is a
9:41result, not a prerequisite. Feeling
9:43ready rarely actually happens. Sometimes
9:46you just got to jump and the confidence
9:48will come later. I wasn't ready to start
9:50my first YouTube channel when I did. I
9:51just realized that no one was going to
9:53do it for me. I had to swallow my ego
9:55and go for it. Now it's just a normal
9:57part of my everyday life. I've genuinely
9:59always been the kind of person who just
10:01goes for it when she wants something and
10:04I'm so passionate about this. I would
10:05love to teach other people how to do
10:07this, too. So much good has come of it.
10:09This is more about physical confidence,
10:11just like being confident in how you
10:12look. Create a beauty maintenance
10:14schedule and stick to it. The important
10:16part is that you stick to it. If you
10:17find yourself saying things like, "I
10:19want to be the kind of person who's just
10:21naturally pretty, who doesn't have to
10:23try at all. She just wakes up looking
10:24like a model." I hate to break it to
10:26you, babes, but that [ __ ] is not natural
10:28for people.
10:31It's called being high maintenance to be
10:33low maintenance. You might have heard of
10:34it on TikTok. That's years and years of
10:37self-care and maintenance routines
10:38stacked on top of each other. That's a
10:40skin care routine that's never skipped.
10:41It's a gym schedule that's stuck to. For
10:43some people, it's getting Botox or
10:44filler. It's eating healthy and drinking
10:46enough water. There's actually a lot of
10:49effort that goes into looking
10:50effortlessly beautiful every single day.
10:52I do a full maintenance routine at home
10:54at least once or twice a week where I'm
10:56taking an everything shower, washing my
10:58hair, dermaplaning, touching up my
11:00brows. I do a face mask two or three
11:02times a week. I dye my hair every so
11:04often. I do my nails as needed. I never
11:07skip my skin care routine. I'm very
11:09strict about it. I do not play about my
11:11maintenance. And that's been the most
11:12productive thing for my physical
11:14confidence. I grew up chopped.
11:16We're never looking back. When you have
11:18a strict beauty maintenance schedule
11:20that you stick to, it's like your
11:21starting point or your baseline when
11:23you're getting ready is already good. If
11:25you keep your house clean all the time,
11:27you don't have to stress over deep
11:29cleaning your house every time you have
11:30company over because your house is
11:32already clean. I don't know, that's kind
11:34of how I think about my physical
11:35self-care. If I just keep up with it all
11:38the time, I can show up confidently,
11:40spontaneously. Like I don't I don't have
11:42to think about whether or not my nails
11:43are done because they're always done. Is
11:45that crazy?
11:46Maybe I just have too much time. But do
11:49as much or as little as you want. It's
11:50up to you, but it's just really
11:51important to try your best to stick to
11:53it. If you had a whole fitness journey
11:55and you finally hit your goal weight,
11:56you're not going to be able to maintain
11:58it if you don't continue eating healthy
11:59and going to the gym. Once your skin is
12:01finally clear, you have to keep up with
12:03the skin care regimen to keep it that
12:04way. If you get a full set of acrylics
12:06done, you have to go back and get them
12:07filled every 2 weeks or so to keep them
12:09looking good. And I don't mean for this
12:11to sound so overwhelming, but the effort
12:13never ends. For most things in life,
12:15there isn't a point where it stops and
12:18you can give up and stop putting in
12:19effort and stop trying and still expect
12:22the same result. There's maintenance
12:23involved with everything. You have to do
12:25work to maintain the results. But
12:27confidence feels really good. And it's
12:29well worth the time and effort. My final
12:32point for this video might come off a
12:33little controversial, but every day when
12:35I wake up, if I'm leaving the house at
12:38all, I get ready like I'm going to run
12:39into my enemies.
12:41Think the girls that don't like you,
12:43your ex-boyfriend. You truly never know
12:45who you'll see when you leave the house,
12:46so make sure you look put together. I'm
12:48not saying you got to be dressed to the
12:50nines with a full face of makeup on to
12:51go to Target. Who does that? But at the
12:53very least, look clean. Look like you
12:55give a damn. Make sure you'd be okay
12:57with unexpectedly running into your
12:59boss, a client, someone from high
13:01school, your ex, or your haters looking
13:04the way that you do. A lot of people
13:05when they talk about confidence will
13:07say, "Oh, it needs to come from within.
13:09You should be confident without the hair
13:11and the makeup and everything else." And
13:13I'm like, "Okay, yes. In a perfect
13:15world, sure, absolutely." But can we be
13:18so [ __ ] for real for a second? Out of
13:20all the people I know that are truly
13:22confident, not one of them shows up
13:24anywhere looking a mess. They always
13:26look put together. You know why? Because
13:29they love themselves.
13:31They have self-respect. Over time,
13:33showing up looking your best no longer
13:35comes from a place of insecurity or
13:37dressing like you're going to run into
13:38your ex. It becomes a habit that comes
13:41from a place of loving how you feel when
13:42you put some effort into your appearance
13:44and respecting yourself enough to
13:46prioritize that daily. Dress like
13:48someone who respects themselves. Do your
13:50hair and makeup like someone who loves
13:52to love how they look. Show up as
13:54someone who is confident and it becomes
13:56your reality. Become the kind of person
13:58who takes action. I didn't even write
14:00this in my notes, it just came to me,
14:02but I think that's the best advice I
14:03could possibly give you about becoming
14:04confident. Even when I wake up and my
14:06skin is breaking out, I still feel
14:08confident because I know I'm the kind of
14:10person who takes action. I know that I'm
14:11going to do something about it and my
14:13skin is going to look better tomorrow.
14:14If I wake up with a pimple, I do my skin
14:16care routine like normal, I do a face
14:18mask, I put on a pimple patch, I adjust
14:20my diet for the day, I make sure I drink
14:21enough water, and by the next morning
14:23it's gone. If I was the kind of person
14:24who didn't take any action and just sat
14:26there obsessing over the fact that, "Oh
14:27my god, I have a pimple. I feel so ugly.
14:29I feel so insecure." Of course I
14:31wouldn't be confident. When I see a
14:32problem, I immediately start taking
14:34action towards the solution. Because I
14:36know I'm actively taking action and good
14:38things take a little bit of time, I'm
14:40able to be confident even during the
14:42becoming process. Even during the
14:45process of that action, if that makes
14:47sense. I really hope that made sense.
14:49Confidence comes from doing, becoming,
14:51embodying. It all comes from action one
14:53way or another and I really hope this
14:55video gave you some helpful tools to
14:56start with. So, thank you so much for
14:58being here. You are so appreciated. I
15:00also just want to take a moment to say
15:02thank you so much for all of the love
15:04and positive comments that I got on my
15:07first video, I wasted the first half of
15:08my 20s. I'm so grateful for every single
15:11person that watched that video and left
15:13a comment and subscribed from that
15:15video. If you're new here, hi, welcome.
15:17Thank you. This was the first time in my
15:19life I ever
15:20did something like that and it just
15:23immediately felt so aligned and so meant
15:26to be and I don't know I've just never
15:28felt more like I'm on the right track
15:31with stepping into my purpose. So
15:34thank you so much for being here. Thank
15:36you for watching that video. Thank you
15:37for watching this video. I love you so
15:38much. Cheers [ __ ] You got this.

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