How to Respond to Insults Without Losing Your Composure — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Whenever someone insults you,
2. 0:02smile.
3. 0:04Yes.
4. 0:05Smile.
5. 0:06And if you can,
6. 0:08agree with their insult.
7. 0:10I know what you're thinking.
8. 0:12"Ma'am, have you completely lost it?
9. 0:14Someone is insulting me and you want me
10. 0:16to smile?"
11. 0:17Yes, I want you to smile.
12. 0:19Because the moment you smile, two things
13. 0:21happen.
14. 0:22Number one,
15. 0:24the other person gets confused.
16. 0:26They were probably expecting anger. They
17. 0:29were probably expecting an argument,
18. 0:31maybe a reaction. Instead, you smiled.
19. 0:36And that's not even the biggest benefit
20. 0:38of smiling. The biggest benefit in that
21. 0:41smile
22. 0:42is the one which it does to you. It
23. 0:44tells your nervous system, "Relax.
24. 0:47Don't react immediately."
25. 0:49It reminds you that many times this is
26. 0:52not about you. This is about them.
27. 0:54Look at them. Look at how angry they
28. 0:57are. Look at how they are just shouting
29. 0:59without any reason. Look at the words
30. 1:01they are using. Look at the way they are
31. 1:03misbehaving.
32. 1:05A calm and emotionally secure person
33. 1:07usually doesn't behave like this.
34. 1:10Their behavior is telling you much more
35. 1:12about their emotional state than it is
36. 1:14about your character.
37. 1:16And the moment you stop making their
38. 1:18words about you,
39. 1:19you stop giving them power over you.
40. 1:22Now, let me keep it a little balanced
41. 1:23here, okay? Sometimes, criticism is
42. 1:26genuine.
43. 1:27Sometimes someone points out a mistake
44. 1:29you have actually made.
45. 1:32And in those moments, don't reject the
46. 1:34feedback, please. Just because it hurts.
47. 1:37Learn from it.
48. 1:39Grow from it.
49. 1:40Accept. Acknowledge. But if it's just an
50. 1:43emotional attack, please don't carry it
51. 1:45home.
52. 1:46And that's exactly what this video is
53. 1:49about. How do you know when to smile,
54. 1:51when to agree, when to ignore,
55. 1:54and when to take action? Because
56. 1:56sometimes action is very very necessary.
57. 2:00Now let's be very honest. Everyone of us
58. 2:03has been insulted, right? Sometimes by
59. 2:06strangers, sometimes by our own family
60. 2:09members, sometimes by relatives,
61. 2:11sometimes in our office, sometimes by
62. 2:13people hiding behind fake social media
63. 2:15accounts, right? The question is not
64. 2:17whether people will insult you. They
65. 2:19will. Trust me, they will. The real
66. 2:22question is who is going to control your
67. 2:23emotions in that scenario? You or them?
68. 2:28Because if one sentence from another
69. 2:30person can ruin your entire day, you
70. 2:33have handed over your peace to someone
71. 2:35who probably doesn't even deserve your
72. 2:37attention.
73. 2:38So, number one,
74. 2:40smile first. Whenever someone insults
75. 2:43you,
76. 2:44smile.
77. 2:45Not because you enjoyed it, not because
78. 2:48they're right.
79. 2:49Smile because you're buying yourself
80. 2:50time.
81. 2:52Most people don't regret what they
82. 2:54wanted to say. They regret saying it in
83. 2:56anger.
84. 2:58That smile gives your brain a few extra
85. 3:01seconds, a few extra seconds to think
86. 3:04instead of react. And trust me on this,
87. 3:07those few seconds can save
88. 3:08relationships. It can save jobs,
89. 3:11friendships, even your reputation.
90. 3:14Now imagine someone says, "You're
91. 3:16completely useless."
92. 3:18Now instead of immediately defending and
93. 3:20saying,
94. 3:21"Who do you think you are?
95. 3:23I'm not useless." Just smile. Look at
96. 3:26them. Observe them.
97. 3:28Don't absorb their emotions, observe
98. 3:32their emotions. You'll be surprised how
99. 3:34uncomfortable silence makes the other
100. 3:37person, especially when you smile.
101. 3:39Number two, agree when the insult is
102. 3:42harmless. This is one of my favorite
103. 3:43techniques I use. Suppose someone says,
104. 3:46"You're too serious." You smile and say,
105. 3:49"Yeah, maybe I am."
106. 3:52Someone says, "You think you know
107. 3:54everything, huh?"
108. 3:55You say,
109. 3:57"I wish I did."
110. 3:59That's it.
111. 4:00Game over.
112. 4:02Why?
113. 4:04Because they wanted resistance.
114. 4:07They wanted you to defend yourself, or
115. 4:09maybe they wanted to shame you.
116. 4:12The moment you stop resisting, their fun
117. 4:15disappears.
118. 4:17You have disarmed them.
119. 4:18Sometimes people continue arguing only
120. 4:21because you keep giving them something
121. 4:22to argue with. Don't give that.
122. 4:26Number three, ask yourself who's
123. 4:28speaking. Now, here's a question I
124. 4:29always ask myself. Who is saying this?
125. 4:32Is it someone whose opinion I genuinely
126. 4:34respect? Like someone who knows me,
127. 4:37someone who wants the best for me, or is
128. 4:39it someone who knows absolutely nothing
129. 4:41about me? Because not every opinion
130. 4:43deserves equal importance. If someone
131. 4:46who has never built anything
132. 4:48criticizes your dreams, why are you
133. 4:50giving that opinion so much power?
134. 4:53People speak from their own experiences
135. 4:55and their own limitations. Many times
136. 4:57their words are describing themselves.
137. 4:59They're projecting. It's not about you.
138. 5:03But again, keep it balanced, because I'm
139. 5:05a believer of balance. If someone you
140. 5:07respect points out a genuine mistake,
141. 5:10please listen. Not every criticism is an
142. 5:12insult.
143. 5:13Some criticism helps us grow.
144. 5:16The wisdom lies in knowing the
145. 5:18difference.
146. 5:20Number four, don't carry other people's
147. 5:22garbage. Imagine someone walks up to
148. 5:25your house and throws a bag of garbage
149. 5:27outside your door. Would you pick it up,
150. 5:29bring it inside, and place it in your
151. 5:31living room?
152. 5:33Of course not.
153. 5:35Then why do we exactly do that with
154. 5:37insults?
155. 5:38Someone throws negativity at us, and we
156. 5:40carry it in our minds for days, months,
157. 5:44years, and sometimes for life long. We
158. 5:47replay the conversation again and again.
159. 5:50We imagine better replies. We lose our
160. 5:52peace. Why?
161. 5:54Leave the garbage where it belongs.
162. 5:56Not everything that comes towards you
163. 5:58deserves space inside your mind.
164. 6:01Number five.
165. 6:04Calm doesn't mean weak. Let me tell you
166. 6:07something.
167. 6:08Many people think staying calm means
168. 6:10tolerating everything. Absolutely not.
169. 6:14There was a time in my life when someone
170. 6:16tried to malign my reputation.
171. 6:18Now, I'm not going to get into the
172. 6:19details because that's not really
173. 6:21important. That's personal. What's
174. 6:23important is what I did next. Did I lose
175. 6:25my temper? Well, I felt angry, but I
176. 6:28didn't lose my temper in that moment.
177. 6:30Did I get into arguments? No.
178. 6:32No need. They were useless.
179. 6:34Did I spend days trying to prove myself?
180. 6:36Of course not. I know who I am. So, I
181. 6:39stayed calm. And then I took the
182. 6:41appropriate action.
183. 6:42I filed an FIR.
184. 6:44I trusted the legal process and then the
185. 6:46law took its course.
186. 6:48Now, why I'm telling you this? Because I
187. 6:50want you to understand something very,
188. 6:52very clearly here.
189. 6:53Being calm does not mean staying quiet
190. 6:56forever. It means you don't let your
191. 6:58emotions decide your next step. Your
192. 7:00first response should be emotional
193. 7:03control. Your final response should
194. 7:05depend on the situation. Now, there is a
195. 7:07difference between someone saying, "I
196. 7:09don't like your video." or "I don't like
197. 7:11you." and someone trying to damage your
198. 7:14reputation. There's a difference between
199. 7:16criticism and harassment. Between
200. 7:19disagreement and defamation.
201. 7:22One deserves emotional maturity. The
202. 7:24other deserves accountability.
203. 7:28Sometimes taking action is not about
204. 7:30your ego. Sometimes it's about drawing a
205. 7:32line.
206. 7:33Sometimes it's about protecting your
207. 7:35dignity. And sometimes it's about making
208. 7:37sure that people understand that there
209. 7:40are consequences for unacceptable
210. 7:42behavior. Because when good people stay
211. 7:44silent every single time, bad behavior
212. 7:47starts looking normal.
213. 7:49Your one responsible action may stop
214. 7:51someone from doing the same thing to
215. 7:53another person. But, the important part
216. 7:56is
217. 7:57I didn't act out of anger, I acted out
218. 7:59of clarity. Now, there is a huge
219. 8:02difference between revenge and justice.
220. 8:05Revenge comes from emotions.
221. 8:08Justice comes from
222. 8:10responsibility.
223. 8:12So, learn calm responses. Instead of
224. 8:15shouting, learn a few simple sentences.
225. 8:18Like, "I don't appreciate being spoken
226. 8:20to like that."
227. 8:22Let's continue this conversation
228. 8:24respectfully.
229. 8:26Or maybe saying, "I think we'll end this
230. 8:28discussion here."
231. 8:29Or simply, "I respect your opinion, but
232. 8:31I disagree."
233. 8:33Short,
234. 8:34crisp, clear, simple.
235. 8:37Confidence doesn't need a loud voice.
236. 8:39Confidence needs a steady voice
237. 8:42and a calm body posture. One more
238. 8:45important thing, never let someone else
239. 8:47define you. If someone calls a lion a
240. 8:49cat, does it become a cat? Of course
241. 8:52not. Then why does one person's opinion
242. 8:54suddenly become your identity?
243. 8:56Know who you are. People will
244. 8:58misunderstand you. They will judge you.
245. 9:01There will be times when they will
246. 9:02criticize you, when they will insult
247. 9:04you. Some will even hate you for
248. 9:06absolutely no reason. That's life.
249. 9:09But never allow someone else's words to
250. 9:11become your truth.
251. 9:13Your character is built by action, not
252. 9:16by other people's opinion.
253. 9:18Their opinions are none of my opinions.
254. 9:21That should be the mantra. So, the next
255. 9:23time someone insults you, don't ask
256. 9:25yourself,
257. 9:26"How do I shut them up?" Or go on
258. 9:28defending yourself. Ask yourself, "What
259. 9:31does this situation deserve?"
260. 9:33Maybe it deserves a smile
261. 9:36because that smile calms your nervous
262. 9:38system. It reminds you that this is
263. 9:41probably more about them than it is
264. 9:44about you.
265. 9:46Maybe it deserves agreeing with the
266. 9:48harmless insult and moving on.
267. 9:50Or maybe it deserves learning because if
268. 9:53the criticism is actually true
269. 9:55then it will help us grow.
270. 9:57But maybe it also deserves silence. Or
271. 9:59maybe it deserves a firm action. The
272. 10:02wisdom is not in using the same response
273. 10:05every single time.
274. 10:06The wisdom is in choosing the right
275. 10:08response for the right situation because
276. 10:11emotional intelligence is not about
277. 10:13never getting angry. It's about never
278. 10:15allowing anger to make your decision.
279. 10:18Remember
280. 10:20observe their emotions. Don't absorb
281. 10:23their emotions.
282. 10:25Stay in control.
283. 10:26Protect your peace. Protect your
284. 10:28dignity. And when the situation demands
285. 10:30it
286. 10:31also protect your rights because that's
287. 10:34what real confidence looks like. And
288. 10:36that's how you live with power. And
289. 10:39eventually speak with power. This is
290. 10:40Captain Ritu Kumar Singh signing off.
291. 10:43If you like this video or this video
292. 10:45helped you, share it with someone who
293. 10:47gets affected by other people's words
294. 10:49very easily. And tell me in the comments
295. 10:51what's the best way you have ever
296. 10:53responded to an insult. I would love to
297. 10:55read your experiences.
298. 10:57Until next time, take care of your mind,
299. 10:59take care of your peace.
300. 11:01I'll see you in the next video. Jai Hind
301. 11:03everyone. Namaste. Keep speaking with
302. 11:05power.